Dog days...

Not sure of the official start of the dog days of summer, but with the Back To School yearly push in full bloom, it is on the horizon.

There are still plenty of sno cone days left and we will take advantage of every one we can. Birthday Cake and coconut, who knew?

Having one eye on the 2012-2013 season, new teachers and a few other new things. It is all good, hopefully even better than good. Time will tell. As everyone moves up to the next grade, there is a Sense of a new thing. Teachers, expectations, and new ways.

Have always said, that the school year is my real, New Year. Fall renews me. Still buy new underwear every year at this time. It is a part of my DNA. Just bought a planner that starts on August 1. You guys can have Jan 1, as the start of your new year. It is usually cold and snowy, I like my fall NY, so much better. It is a beautiful time of the year that reminds me, of being renewed and that while winter is coming, it is not here yet. It is the Time of year where color abounds. The harvest is ready. The weather is still warm, the days long enough and most everything is right with the world.

But until then, the sno cone shack is still open for a few weeks. Still time for lazy days and just hanging out. Enjoy every moment of it...

Have you killed him yet?

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life and elevating them to an art. -William Morris

I have been asked this question more than once the last five weeks. And the answer is no.

There has been Something that I can only explain as a sweetness between us. Whether it is the recognition that this is the last stage of life and we will share it together, from here on, is the only explanation I can come up with. There is a mutual concern for each other that is stronger than the pre-retirement days. We are in this together until we are not. We hope for many years together, to enjoy our family and the life of the Everyday.

Don't get me wrong, we have had a few spats but the fire of those times seems to be gone. We understand that we are better together, then divided. We are learning a whole new way and the facial hair is growing. Our job is to grow too and finish strong. If you are grateful for the everyday, there is more than enough to keep you busy and that, keeps the kill factor - at bay...

young love...

There is nothing quite young Love.

To watch it, takes you back to when you thought you knew everything about Love. It takes many years to distinguish Real Love from Real Lust. When you are young, those two look like identical twins. With some perspective, you start to see they look, nothing alike. They are as diffeent as night and day.

It shouldn't be but Love is quite tricky. We don't seem to see it when it is staring us in the face yet, will jump through all sorts of hoops to grab what we percieve as Love even though it looks nothing like it. Maybe there are too many different kinds of Love for us to fathom. Try to explaining couple love, the love of a woman for her child and the Love of God. Similiar maybe, but hard to sort out when you have questions.

We are a simple people who complicate Love at every opportunity. We are either holding on too tight , or sharing it in ways that just aren't right. We give, hoping we will get back and that never turns out well. Love doesn't have to be big, we miss so much when we think it does. A little, good Love goes a long way and that kind of Love will make us better...

thrifting...

My girl and the gk are masters. I can not believe what they find. Gage is still in his UnderArmour phase. I would not bet much money that one would find UA at Goodwill and I would be wrong.

So, we all go to GW on Saturday and they say, with every confidence imaginable, Nana, lets find you some UA! It went without saying that is had to be black. That is an understood given.

I must admit, I am now into UA. Having texture issues myself, when it is hot outside, cotton is my worst enemy. I cringe at the thought of putting it on and don't tolerate it at all, hence the UA feel is where I am not. Not a snob, will wear other brands that have the same feel and until yesterday, didn't own one piece of UA. That all has changed.

Gage was on the hunt. It didn't take him too long to find the first piece. It wasn't quite right so off he went to look again. It was but a couple of Moments when he found it. Right there, just waiting for us. black, UA and it fit like a glove.

He kept telling me, You have to be patient, Nana, You have to keep looking.
He went on to find a piece for Papa too. And a jersey for himself. I always, always learns so much from them - who knew it would include Goodwill!...

hunger...

It still amazes me that in this day and time, people are hungry.

This year, the little park in my subdivision put this sign out, the begining of June and the part has been full every day at 11am, waiting for lunch. It is also being done at the little park, about 2 miles away that we pass every day to get to the Rec Center.

At 11am, people are already lining up, before the food people are even there. The cars are lined up and down the street and even, down side streets. Five days a week, they know where to come to fill up and get a free meal. It is worth coming early and lining up. I have seen the lines, it is unbelievable.

Some days, it is enough to be thankful that you have a full belly. Other days, you need more, want to do more. Follow that instinct...

back and mind, still full...

Taking time off looks alot like normal life. Always have my little notebook handy, always have Something to I want to remember but the main difference is letting my mind wander. Being a left brained thinker, you would think that wandering wouldn't be my thing and that would make us, both wrong.

Creative time is not only doing but in the not doing. It need idle time. Time to do nothing, like when you are trying really hard to remember Something and it doesn't come until you have let your brain off the hook for a few minutes, then your answer comes, naturally.

Love the feeling when you have a thought and lose it before you get to paper, have done that more than once this week. To all those forgotten thoughts, Come Back, I miss you! To all those that stayed, I thank you. You are warm and fuzzy and bring such joy.

Here are some, in no particular order. May hear more about these in the days to come or they were just meant for a fleeting Moment. Regardless, they are friends, to the end.

Putting the cart before the horse
Doctor Google
Have you killed him yet?
My Rec Center friends
Crinimal Minds, no more
Moving from the driver to passenger seat
Slipping through the cracks
Get what you thought you wanted.

Time off...

Going to take a week of to think about stuff like putting the cart before the horse and other things rattling around in my brain. Blessings and love to each of you...

a dog's life...

What if we acted more like dogs?
Would that be weird?
or might it just be, a good thing?

Dogs are loyal.
Dogs know their place, by their master.
They are content, don't need to be entertained.

They will wake up in a split second.
Ready to go, wherever their owner sees fit.

They don't spend time trying to get your attention, for their master.
They follow, that is what they do.

The master leads, the dog follows...

the green quarter...

First time away from home for more than a sleepover. Church camp.

If you have never been and I have not, have only lived vicariously through my child, seems to be an oxymoron. The books that could be written about what goes on. The near misses that parents never know about. Have been to family camp and that was racy enough for me. Remember one year, when our friend lost it with the teen boys because he was in the cabin right next to theirs - He went in in his underwear and yelled a bit. His teenage daughter was mortified, some things you can't take back.

But that will never happen this week. That was 3o years ago and we are a kinder, more PC culture. I did however hear some Stories about Man Camp a few weeks ago that make we wonder...

We have our standby orders from Momma. We could be heading up to Cascade any time in the next four days. She said something about going incognito, but we would be too easy to spot even with our mustache and glasses disguise. It would never work.

The green quarter. He didn't need snacks or a new journal so got the idea to get a quarter and color it with a neon green marker. When I gave it to him, I told him it was to remind him that Papa and I were thinking of him. Praying that he would have a good time and if a little homesickness came his way, he was not alone.

He hasn't called or texted. That is either a good sign or his phone won't work. I praying that he is just too busy to miss all of us...

metformin...

I have waited for today for many, many years and I didn't even recognize it when it happened. A visit to Google confirmed it but it is still hard to believe.

I had noticed it a few times and it kept getting stronger and stronger. Until 2 weeks ago, the only pill I took was an aspirin a day. For now, that ship has sailed but am working toward the shore, every day.

I couldn't have less of an appetite. In fact, to take the diabetes meds, you have to eat or the nausea is terrible. I had to force myself tonight to eat enough to keep that side effect at bay.

I have never experienced, not being hungry. My bff, Miss Sweettooth is nowhere to be found. It is not an entirely, pleasant experience. I hope in the days to come, I am more appreciative of this new status. Feeling full all day, never ever thought I would see the day. One more reminder, anything is possible.

More and more and more change and you never know where it is coming from...

shoot...

We walk at the same time but rarely see each other. Our rhythms are different. We walk at much different paces. He evens jogs. Add basketball, and he is much more diversive than I am. I am focused on getting around that track, over and over and over again. He likes to mix it up. Different strokes for different folks.

I am so proud of him. None of this comes easy or natural and I imagine it never will but we takes turns saying, It is time to go! With each of us with our favorite music in our ears, it is a great time to catch up on our thoughts, our prayers, our hopes and our dreams. This is a part of who we are right now and the right thing to do is shoot, whenever we can...

and even, more change...

If it is your turn for your Only Child Sleepover, you get to decide and set the pace. Gage had his bags packed for more than a week and finally, we were able to make it happen.

He had already told us that he wanted to go to the Mall, so off we went. He got to spend as much time at Game Stop as he wanted and everywhere else he wanted to go. After dinner, we headed home and XBox 360 ruled the night. Listening to him explain and try to talk Papa into trying a turn at a game is a wonderful thing. The laughter of the the two, Gage as he watches Papa and Papa, when he gets it but more often, when he doesn't.

The biggest change, this time was the boy's sleeping in. We were suppose to be at his house, 40 minutes away at 9am. His eyes didn't see daylight until after 1030AM. He is within spitting distance from 10, the pre teen thing has started to kick in. I knew he would head this direction, but didn't know it was already here.

I just love that he still loves coming to our house. That he would pack his bags and leave them for a week, just waiting. Talk about Love...

something old...

We were told that in the 50's, ladies always carried hankies at a wedding. This was given to the bride by her bff's grandmother who knows a thing or two.

Looking forward to this wedding in a few weeks. Fun venue, lots of different things going on that will make it playful for all. In the spirit of the tone set by the bride and groom, my gift is non-tradional also. Even down to the wrapping, joining in the festivities has been great fun.

What advice would you give the bride?

marriage, make it your own.

What is the hardest part of marriage?

keeping your mouth shut when you should.

What will make a 50 year marriage?

Talk everyday.

Happy Wedding Miss D and N!

juggling...

We all are very busy and at any given Moment. Sometimes, we have too many things up in the air, and are trying desperately not to drop anything and winding up in a big pile, full of emotions.

Learning the ropes of this retirement thing has not been without its challenges. We are both understanding that we still need our seperate times. He is understanding that he can't eat 2000 calories a day like he did when he was working.

Our balls are all up in the air and we are trying not to let any of them, fall on our head but we need to be open to letting some of them go if they aren't right or good for us. That is the fine line we are walking, today...

obsessed...

We are all obsessed with something.

Food, exercise, people, it is part of the nature of the beast. You can't expect to avoid it but you can be aware and try to keep it as balanced as possible. You may or may not be successful but with practice, you can diffuse the situation, a bit over time.

Among my many, many obsessions, is photographing crop dusters. It all started with working in agriculture and right out my huge window, was open fields for as far as the eye could see.

Will now stop whenever I see one of those brave boys. flying. Last night on the way home from spendng the day celebrating Keaton's 13 birthday, here he was. We got to spend a good amount of time and there is no doubt, he saw me. He probably made 10 rounds. The sky was red, with all the wildfires that surround us. It was a beautiful sight and wow, the perfect way to end the day.

Some days are just like that and you know, you are the luckiest girl in the whole world...

being 13...

One of the first things I noticed about 13 is that there is no longer a stack of wrapped presents, just waiting to be opened. When the Birthday List is cash-inclusive, so go the stacks and the wrapping. It is not only the end of an era but the begining of a new one.

Still doesn't seem like we have been grandparents for 13 years. Seems like just yesterday but the hair that is growing on this young man's body, the beginnings of all things, men - is clearly obvious. Never having a brother or a son, being able to watch this season of a boy to man cycle is fascinating. Now I see, how they evolve and how they grow up into the men that you see today.

I also see why his parents keep a tight rein on him. He has manners, and is very polite. Those things don't come naturally to boys or girls, they have to be taught or they don't get learned, and if they don't learn it young, they usually never learn it at all.

Happy Birthday, Keaton! Papa and Nana could not be more proud of you. You are a Rock Star in our world and we love you, to infinity and beyond...

change...

It never gets any easier... Miss Shelli

I read Miss Shelli's words and so agreed even when I had no idea how they would apply to me in just a few days.

With a diagnosis and meds for BP and diabetes, everything changed in an instant and that was the first day of retirement. It became obvious that either I was going to get on board or be in Really Big Trouble. After consulting all the personalities, made the choice to grow up which meant big lifestyle change. Joined the Rec Center and today, on Day 4, walking over 2 miles. Have changed my diet and with a nausea from the meds, have little desire for most anything. My goal is to get off both meds by September, if that is possible and then, keep up the routine.

Time and testing will tell if this is doable but for right now, it is Something. Decided this morning to focus on what I could do and not all the things I had no control over. With no health insurance and pensions not kicking in for a few months, I have enough to worry about but I can't go there. I do have control over getting my exercise done every day and watching what I eat. That is where my focus has to be and there it will stay.

Have always hated exercise. Always done it at home, never thinking my introvert self would ever take my show on the road. We made the decision because of weather and safety. We can go together, anytime of day and enjoy the freedom of being in a climate control, safe place and that is a good thing.

Miss Shelli's words go with me every day. I know there will come a day when I couldn't get the miles done in the morning and my get up and go, got up and went. I will have to remember that somethings just don't get any easier and we do them anyway. That is what grown ups do. Time to grow up...

4th of July...

Let freedom ring and may respect never, ever go out of style...

Will you still need me?

Today is someone's 64th Bday. I ask him if he was going to sing this old Beatle song to me this morning, he didn't think he would. Said he already has been 64 in his mind for a while. He knew that 64 and retirement would be going, hand in hand so the leap was made, with little fan fare which means, no song for me.

As we started our retirement exercise program this morming, we are both trying to learn as much as possible. Him with his unsatisable, 100% curosity and me with my very little 20% sense of curosity.

We walk the greenbelt to the end and wanted to know what road we were on. Nothing looked familiar. We walked to the first street sign but it only gave the cross street. He took a few guesses but I wasn't convinced so we walked clear down to a second sign and found our bearings. This time it was me who kept us going. Curosity drove me to keep going, and figure it out while he followed. Usually, that is not the case.

The song still holds,
Will you still need me? Yes
Will you still feed me? Yes
When I'm 64...

Just, begin...

Begin with the end in mind...Stephen Covey.

The sermon began with, there comes a time in your life when you are looking back more than you are looking forward. Even though there are still memories to make, there will always be a sense of adventure, if we choose to embrace it. You could spend all your time looking back, but what kind of life would that be?

Today truly is the first day of the rest of your lives. Nothing big happening. Mowing the lawn before trash Day which always had to be done by Sunday, some major grocery shopping - trying to figure out how to replace 40 years of sandwiches, yogurt, bananas and pudding. There are adjustments to be made. Glad it is summer. Imagining trying to get yourself acclimated to retirement in the dead of winter, might be a task worthy of others stronger than us. The sun is shining, the fishing is there for the taking and right now, all is right with the world.

What kind of memories do you want to leave? Not sure he knows exactly yet, but I do. I have a 15 year headstart on him and this is mine...

Know that I cared.
Know that I loved.
Know that you are everything to me.

That is my end and that is what drives every single day...

retire...

It was a whirlwind day. Much like a blur, it was there and then it was gone.

The weekend has pretty much been a Time of Reflection. I have given him a week to learn to talk about the job in the past tense. Knowing that men are different than women, I can appreciate the time he needs to process but also know that Sometimes, we all need a kick in the pants to get us going.

Less than a 1/2 hour after we got home, all the uniforms, the lunch pail and the nasty shoes, were gone. When you have a Dirty Job like he did, there is nothing you want to save. Imagine cooking oil on every part of you, soaking in more and more, every day. The Company always complained about his shoes and tracking oil everywhere. Now they have four taking his place, wonder what it will look like now?

Tomorrow will be a new Monday. Monday will not be a dread any more. No messes to clean up from the weekend and all issues that scream for resolution, will be done by someone else. He and I, on the other hand, will be busy looking for our new Normal. Thinking that will keep us busy, enough...

housewife...

One thing I have been very conscious of this week is the end of the traditional housewife role for me. Not that I will not continue to cooking, cleaning and caring but that part where I say, goodbye in the morning and how's your day in the evening.

Understanding that we will have to learn a new dance, I have to say that I love, love being a housewife. Being that housewife for the last 15 years has brought me immeasurable joy. The hum of the dryer, the swish of the dishwasher. Starting to prepare dinner and the essence of 4PM.

4PM. A magical time for me. When the day heads Down The Path and I follow along. Ther is a mental transistion that takes place for me and a short window of reflection that takes me gleefully into, the evening.

I am so greatful for those 15 years. Starting tomorrow, it will look completely different and I will learn to love the rituals. Thank you for the memories, Miss Housewife. I have loved them so...

nourishment...

The kids have had their hands full this year with their little garden spot at their church. Every other day, they pile in the car and head out to check their green domain, turn on the water and check for progress. Monday morning during VBS, they found out that the well wasn't working and that evening when we all went to check and see if it was fixed, it wasn't. The temps have been pretty hot here and this beautiful corn is not going to last long without water. It will wither and die, pure science.

While we were there, we met a man who came prepared. Several 5 gallon buckets of water, he was obviously, taking no chances that the problem had been solved. He had no lids and had obviously lost some precious liquid driving to the garden but at least, he would have a fighting chance of saving his bounty.

People are very much like gardens, very similiar indeed. Without water, we n't make it very long. We all carry water bottles wherever we go. I have been trying to up my daily water intake but found out last night, I need to drink a two liter bottle of water a day. You are kidding me right? Maybe if it is filled with Diet Coke or I have nothing else to do but hang around bathrooms. We may have to work our way up but starting today, there will be an empty 2 liter Diet Dr Pepper bottle, filled with water and we will see what we cn do. I don't want to wither and all that comes with it. Time to water up. Hope the corn has the same result...

car shows...

I am a very non-car show girl married to a very car show guy. He can't help himself, I try to tell myself it is like me with a camera. That helps but looking at engines and shiny surfaces with no chance of a ride, just makes me...sad.

This was the sign by one of the dressed up jalopies. I would venture a guess that this guy did not know as much about his wife as he did this car. As with all things Men, I think we ladies sometimes resent not that they have a hpbby but the amount of emotional energy that they put into said hobby/sport. All we really want is a piece of the action. Maybe that is all they want from us too.

And because of that, I will trot myself around said car shows, take my camera and make the best of it with as little whining as possible. I will tell myself to suggest ice cream after these mini pagents and look forward to said ice cream. It is about give and take and not coming in last. If you can do that for him and he for you, you've got Something to talk about...

Day 5...

Summer is in full swing, according to the calendar. We have already have the longest day of the year. From now on, the days get shorter.

In this neck of the woods, we experience daylight until 10 PM for a few weeks. Nothing could make some of us happier. Wake up to light, and almost go to bed with it. It is the time of year when going to Sonic at 1030PM seems almost, the reasonable thing to do.

At our house, we are entering into new territory. Come Friday, everyone who lives here will be retired. Big retirement party with family and old friends on Friday and then we are off into the Wild Blue Yonder. Like DH says, it still doesn't seem real.

Whatever your summer had brought so far, hoping you can find some Light to bask in. To be warm from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, literally and figurtively. Whether the hum of summer is a familiar one or brings new light, find it and thrive...

big...

Your world is as big as you want it to be...

We could all probably agree that the world is a Big place. Most of us will never see much of it in person but thanks to the internet, we can go about anywhere we want. Whatever our intensity of interest is, one can get a sense of others and their effect in the world.

So the real questins is, how big do you want your world to be? I realize mine is quite small. My curosities of Things Far Away are pretty slim. No urge to travel, to see and experience different cultures. Right or wrong, that is the way I am wired. My world, the want I want and have structered, is one of local. One of the here and now. I am a Keeper of Here.

I imagine and hope, that the One who made me, knew this. While I keep my eyes and mind open, I no longer feel bad about this. If I am to think differently, my mind will be changed like it has about many, many things. Until then, the Keeper of Here is my world and whatever that looks like, I am good with...

follow...

Everybody follows somebody. All of us make decisions every day about what is important, how to treat people, and what to do with our lives. These decisions come from what we believe about every aspect of our existence. And we got our beliefs from somewhere. We have been formed, every one of us, by this complicated mix of people and places and things...We are each taking all of these influences and living our lives according to teachings we have made our own. Some insist that they aren't influenced by any person or any religion, that they think for themselves. And that is an honorable perspective from...somebody. They're following somebody even if they insist it is themselves they are following...Everybody is following somebody. everybody has faith in something and somebody. We are all believers. Rob Bell.

monkey on your back...

Yesterday was a bad day. before the sun was even up, panic had set in.

After 46 years of having health insurance, there were less than 10 days to get a couple of procedures the doctor thought I should have done. With his words in my head, I went ballastic. Pain can cause you to lose your focus, mine was completely gone.

The 2 procedures would do nothing to fix the problem. They would indicate that either, nothing was wrong or I needed surgery. I panicked and thought I needed to get them both done, at any cost. Late into the night, it occurred to me that perhaps that was not the case. By the light of day, I was convinced that spending thousands of dollars was not the answer.

Is it the right decision? Time will tell. Exercise is my friend at the moment and as for the tailbone pain, I hope we part ways soon. I never do well in Panic mode. It isn't the right place to make big choices. It is the time to weep and understand that all you can do is make the best decision with all the information you have, at the time. Time will tell but for right now I am making choices without a monkey on my back and that, if nothing else, feels right...

day 10...

10 days until his retirement. Now he says, it is starting to feel unreal.

The company decided to replace him with four guys. They call them D's Angels. They have turned out, not to be so. In fact, as of this week - it looks like one angel has been permentently removed. That leaves only three. Next month, one of the Angels has National Guard duty for a good chunk of time. That leaves only two. The way the company has set this new system up, it will impossible to do with two.

There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to. His days are numbered and the place that has depended on him for 46 years, will have to learn a new way. No one is indispensable. Whatever the company decides to do, it is their decision.

DH decisions are far and few between these last days. Yesterday he was asked about his favorite color by the retirement decorating person. He wanted to go with black but compromised with dark blue. Those are the kind of things he should be thinking about because in 11 days, all he is left with is me and that is handful enough for any one...

the good and the bad...

How do we think?
How do we learn?
Where is our focus?

Take the elements of good and bad. How do we learn to tell one from the other? It has been my experience that someone, somewhere decided that the way to teach good, was to focus on the bad. Bad, Bad - what does it look like? We study the bad to death, and focus very little on the good. The idea is most certainly, that if we know the bad, inside and out, we will have no problem identifing it when it comes our way but does it work that way?

I understand the the way people are trained to spot counterfeit money is by studying real money so that when the counterfeit is presented, it is so obvious and the detection is made instantly. The focus is on the good, making the bad, stand out like a sore thumb. If you focus on the bad, you never have a real sence of the good and that, it seems to me, would be the real tragedy...

Father's Day...

My girl's family has a little plot of garden on their church's property. Those who wished to get their garden on, dug trenches to get the water to the 14 or so gardens and now, the gardens are starting to thrive.

I don't know much about gardening. Personally, I have a black thumb. Tried again last year with a cactus in a small planter on my front porch and Neighbor Mike's cat, dug it out. I am of the persuasion that maybe some of us are meant to buy what other people, grow. I fully expect to buy corn from the kids in a few months.

The corn and other crops doesn't grow by accident. They have to head to the church and water it, every other day. Without any help, everything would shrivel up and die. No water, no garden. It is true everytime, no matter who you are.

Kids are quite the same, except for the every other day part. They are everyday. They need nourishment, guidance and regular maintenance to keep going. To thrive, they need momma and daddy Miracle Grow. It is not a job for the faint of heart.

You want Something to grow, there is hard work to do. Someday, it will pay off. These little people will grow up knowing they were loved. Happy Father's Day Chad, we heart you so...

vanity...

vain:

1. excessively proud of or concerned about one's own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc.

It occured to me this week that perhaps, one can live in a state of vanity, until the day they die. Have we not all noticed the 70 years woman who without the benefit of Cher or Joan Rivers funding, still dress like they are a teenager. Or the obituaries that feature a photo taken 50 years ago.

We now live in a youth-driven culture. I know several people who not in the 20's who say it is virtually impossible to get a job. If you are over 60, your chances drop even more. So perhaps the idea that dressing younger, might help. is plausible. Maybe the thing about vanity that bothers me the most is not that the physical is difficult to admit but it is the idealogy and attitude that comes with it.

I remember my mother wearing a short, 2 piece bathing suit, 20 years after she shouldn't have. I have a photo of her posing, Marilyn Monroe style that creeps me out, to this day. I admit I have a difficult time with women my own age, all my friends are at least 10 years younger but the ones I am attracted to are the ones who have accepted their age and are doing it with dignity and common sense. No illusions about what Season they are in life and living it to their best. That is how I want to be. Not fuddy-duddy but not trying to change back the clock but any means necessary.

I have heard it said that getting older is a gift that not everyone gets. That one sentence got me through my 60th birthday and it is still with me today. However, make no mistake. If money and fear of surgery were not as issue, I would be having one of those Lifelift things where I could look 50 again...Really?

Day 17...

You don't get to be almost 64 without collecting some wisdom. Whether you ever use it or not is personal and varies wildly from person to person.

You establish routines. Those that work for you are incorporated and become second nature. Some turn out to be passing fancies and don't see the light of day, for long.

I don't know how many of these journals he has. For as long as I can remember, he has carried them to every church service we have gone to. Doesn't matter what church, it is a way that he captures not only what is being preacher but his drawings are evidence of what is going on in his head.

Many, many of these pages have detailed drawings of motorcycles. Last week, it started with a sword. A few words resonated with him and at the end of the 1/2 hour of so, the page is finished. His daughter has said, she wants these journals, Someday.

We all process information differently. I used to think he wan't paying attention when he was drawing. I didn't get it but I do now. Last Sunday, I documented the process from start to finish. Sometimes, wisdom comes in the strangest of places...

June 12...

It's the day I became gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
It's the day I became forever in love with someone who is half, me.
And while she is her own woman, and has her own children, she will always, always
be my little girl.

We spent the day in the sand and water, complete with a picnic.
We watched the kids splash and play.
It was the perfect way to celebrate, her.

Later, we would go out to dinner and back home for a mean game of badmintion.

I asked her if money and time were no object, where would she like to spend her birthday? She couldn't come up with anything. Sometimes simple is what we need. Not to overthink, or overcelebrate but just ot be in the Moment and today, we very much were.

needs to be moved...

Wouldn't be fabulous if one could attach this sign to other things in our lives? Immediately imagined themes like attitude,or mental tapes that keep playing in my head.

Have never not had someone take any thing we put at the curb with a free sign on it. The meighbor next door was asking how to get rid of an old lawn mower, he was also advised of our get rid of it quick action. Not sure how long this house an sign have been there. Out in the middle of nowhere, but on the road leading to the popular local lake, you can help but see it.

I use to think that garbage is grabage and that we are all on the same page about that, but that is no longer the case. Yard sales have taught me that if you find the right buyer, you can sell anything. Empty plastic diaper wipe containers are popular at yard sales. I use to walk buy them and wonder, who in the world would take these home and no less, buy them? Watch a couple of seasons of Hoarders and you will know that trash is king.

But the truth is, getting rid of the issues in our lives is not as easy as setting them out at the curb. While there is a Part of each of us that we would gladly give away freely to get it off our backs, this is not the solution. we have to work through them, divide and conquer. Do the hard work that it takes. Find the trash in our lives and dispose of it, bit by bit. Not unlike the sign, we have have to know that Something in our lives, needs to be moved. That is the hardest part. After realizing and making the decision, the rest is fairly doable. The hard part has been done. Yet I can help wishing, it was as easy as the sign says...

McDonalds...

I have friends that brag about not going to McDonalds...You may never have step foot in a McDonald's but you have your own McDonalds. Maybe instead of buying a Big Mac, you read Us Weekly. Hey, that is still McDonalds, it is just served up a little differently. Or you tell yourself that that Starbuck Frappacino isn't a milkshake or maybe, you watch Glee. It's all McDonalds. McDonalds of the soul. Momentary pleasure followed by incredible guilt, eventually leading to cancer, I'm Lovin It. We all have our own McDonalds.Jim Gaffigan/Mr Universe.

We have all done it. If you have a kid, it is not quite as embarrassing but without a kid, pulling in to a Mc Donalds finds you in a Place you don't want to Be. You might consider confessing to almost anything other than being there for lunch. But, like all good humor, when it is 95% true, it is laugh until it hurts, true.

I admit there are times that is seems to be a good idea to go have a Big Mac, although I wait for it to pass. Have a tougher time passing on the Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit. Even the grands don't like McDonalds anymore. There will tell you, It is not Real Food. That is Something, coming from kids.

From one who has had income from making McDonalds fries forever, it may a bit disloyal but there are greater virtues. I will say that is nothing like a fresh McDonalds fry eaten right off the production line. Nothing. Mama could never cook like that.

But Jim is right, we all have McDonalds in our lives. Things we eat, do or say that are not good for us yet, we do them anyway. We have heard all the warnings, are knowledgeable beyond measure and still, we choose to take the low road. We hope no one sees us and if they do, we are ready to lie, right there and then. Good words, Mr Gaffigan...

day 24...

After having medical insurance for 46 years, we are headed to Places unknown. Nowhere is it written that life is fair and no more than when it comes to the simple, basics that we all have come to take, for granted.

As we count the days to Retirement 2.0, we are also trying up a few loose ends. The first few months will most certainly be lived, one day at a time. It will take a few months for SS and a company pension to kick in. The good thing is, we are mentally ready. The last 14 years, have been a great training ground. I can cook better than 90% of the meals we eat out. It is the first time in my life, I have been successful at saving money. we are ready, as much as we can be.

So, we focus on what we do have control over. I expect in 50 or so days, DH will have the start of a great beard. I always imagined him with a full, manly beard. I also imagined him with hair when this whole look would happen and we all know how that turned out. Life is full of holes. Full of expectations that never see the light of day and it is our duty, to plan but to let the fluidity of life - flow. It is normal for a tree to sway, bending farther than one could imagine. Back and forth, until it looks like there is nothing left to do but break. If the tree is rigid, there will be no movement and the break will come, much faster. I want my tree to be taken down to the ground, over and over and over again, then, look the sky in the face and say, is that all you've got?. Let's see if it is possible, let's take a chance...

file, close...

This is a visual of what it feels like when my brain is full.

Starting with the color. Color brings passion, at its best and crazyness, at its worst. That is why I prefer black and white, mostly. My favorite image of color is when there is just a pop of one specific color and all the others, just fall in line.

When my brain is full, the colors all run together. Like if you melt a bucket of crayons, they all run together. You can't tell where one starts and ends. I know this seems to be rambling but when I work 99% in the planned, carefully arranged, and anal world and I step into the world of Life, there really is a difference in perception. Life is messy, it is unkind, it is extremely unpredictable. It is a world where bad news can come at any time and while we wait for it be different, sometimes we just have to be. To those of you who are heavy on my mind, I pray. For those who cross my path, either in thought or deed, I pray. For those who make me laugh throught it all, may God bless you, BIG...

Kickstarter

Done with Facebook? So over Pinterest? Ready to take a chance at something new?

Kickstarter, have you heard of it? It allows us, the consumer to help get in on the ground floor of the New and Now. There are projects in many different areas of interest, that are waiting to be funded by us, Joe Public. Technology, art, books - someone brings their project to the virtual table and you have a chance to decide if you would like to help fund the said project and at what level. I took the plunge last week and have a new, smaller stylus for my iPad coming that sounds fabulous.

Not all projects meet their minimum and never get off the ground. Some are over funded by 100's of percent. There is a new invention sheriff in town and a new way of doing things. Fun to see some local projects too. Imagine there will be many more of this type of creative, outlets. It gives each one of us a chance, to take that one terrific idea and make it come to life. At any given time, we all have ideas and inventions floating around in our little heads. We carry them around for years, and then we see them of TV. As Seen On Tv - someone stole my idea.

The future is bright and the future is here. Not looking to reinvent the wheel, but a fresh start with new eyes. Ideas coming to life, looking forward to it all...

spiritual gifts...

In almost every church I have attended, at one time or another, there was a semi-forced ritual of taking a spiritual gifts class. Much like the hit Hallmark takes for promoting Valentine's, Mothers and Fathers Day - there is a bit of self promotion involved.

When you take the test, realize what your gifts are, then you can be plugged into the church in your given field. I don't remember the questions or answers of any of mine but I do about the last one that DH took. After politely answers all the questions, he came up very strong in hospitality. If you have spent five minutes with him, you would know - this is so not true. He loves to talk to people. He once talked to a complete stranger at a street fair for over an hour. We thought it was a long lost friend as we impatiently waited, and waited and waited for him to finish. By the time he did, we were past caring who this guy was and when we found out he was a stranger, some of us went off.

I don't remember anyone at the church trying to plug him into any hostessing duties. Where he really shined was at one church during a fact finding committee trying to build a new santuary and his sharing that for a buliding that is used less than 10 hours a week, it didn't make sense to spend a gazillion dollars to build a new building. I was never more proud of him. Imagine a few someone's on that committe wished his hospitality skills had been put to use, elsewhere.

The Stories of Noah, David and Abraham seem to point to God not caring much about spiritual gifts but rather, His Will. Paul, Peter and the other disciples, did not seemed to come with gifts, not even having the simple gifts of faith, prayer and hope. God doesn't seem to care too much about what you have been graced with but what you are willing to do. Make no mistake, if you choose him - it is a rocky road. There is chaos, pain, and grief in the midst of whatever gifts you have been given. We all have special gifts and talents, do we always use them or use them correctly? If we let ourselves go and do what is uncomfortable, goes against our grain, so to speak...what happens? We add to our experience and what was unfamiliar, is not familiar. It is human nature to think a bit grand of oneself if we feel like we have a handle in that area. We also are hesitant, if we think we don't know much about where we are at. It is God who gives the spiritual gifts, when and for long, we need them. They may last a moment or a lifetime, ours is not to figure out why. Ours is to live in the Moment.

the mother in all of us...

There is a very distinct drive in most women to love and protect. I would rather face a hundred men with guns drawn that a mother who is trying to protect her own. Whether to comfort or to worry, the thinking process of one who gave birth is always the same, no matter what age the child is. My amount of mind time about my girl is no different than when she was seven, only the circumstances have changed. If I perceive she is in danger, I will go after the Danger, the same way I have my entire life. We can't protect our children against everything, it is not possible and we have have to live with that. But, on my watch, there is a Real and present threat to whoever crosses our paths.

To comfort your child, is also, always a constant. You never want to stop hugging your kids but you need to balance it out with a bit of timing. Just like not grabbing your almost teenage grandson at school, because you are so happy to see him...give him a high five and a big hug later.

I am so glad I got to be a mother. It is something that I always dreamed of being. It is an honor to have one to love and cherish, whose blood is the same as yours, yet, her own person. Someone to celebrate and cry with. Someone to pray for. Someone, to love with your whole heart...

scars...

We all have them and mostly, we can tell you a Story that goes with each one. Rich in detail, we are proud of the slings and arrows of Outrageous fortune and will gladly all kinds of insight.

Here is a head that has many Stories to tell but perhaps because the scars are visible only on the external, it may appear not as interesting as a personal wounds. This helmet may have saved more than one, trips to the local emergency room. He is hard on life, the idea of serious injury is left to us, who do enough worrying for all of us.

Google...

Your iPhone/Pad/Pod carries around your music history. There is much to learned about someone from their music, tons. The same can be said about your library. That is the reason that I have the ZD Memorial Library. If anyone wants to know about me, spend a few moments crusing through the five bookshelves and you will have a pretty good picture of who I am by who I have read.

The same can now be said of your Google history. What you are thinking, what is going on in your everyday life, it is all on Google. More accurate than a checkbook register, it can account for whatever was going through your mind, at any given time. Here is mine for the last few days.

bose mobile speaker
tallbone pain exercises
the yummy life blog
pool sofa float
plant based diet
container gardening
facebook ipo
reel theater
snapstagram
kickstarter

Does that not give you information that you would never have known otherwise? Thinking we may want to document this somehow. Never one to do anything the conventional way, what better way to give someone, the full monty - so to speak. Forget Ancestry.com, this is the Real Deal...

remember...

We live in the boonies, or at least what use to be. DH's aunt tells us that her and her first husband's dairy, is where our house stands now. The cemetary less than a 1/2 mile is living proof to that. Surrounded by houses and one of three high schools, I imagine the city planners never thought that we would all share this cozy space together.

Maybe we have never been home at 11AM on Memorial Day in the last 14 years. This year, as I headed to town, the streets, in both directions, were wall to wall cars. A celebration of those who fought and gave their lives for our country, stood at attention, listening intently.

I have never attended a Memorial Day service. My father and grandfather were veterans but the holiday was always celebrated with picnics. I can remeber thinking as a kid that Memorial Day was for all people who had died, I was an adult before I learned differently. I hope the next generation doesn't forget and will take the responsibility to continue to honor because of people like Marine Sgt. William Stacey.

He was on his fourth deployment when he was kileed by a homemade bomb in Afghanistan earlier this year. He had written a letter to his family that was to be read in the event of his death. It was read during a Memorial Day service in Afghanistan yesterday by Marine General John Allen.

My death did not change the world, it may be tough for you to justify its meaning at all. But there is a greater meaning to it.

Perhaps I did not change the world. Perhaps there is still injustice in the world. But there will be a child who will live because men left the security they enjoyed in the home country to come to his. And this child will learn in the news schools that have been built. He will walk his streets not worried about whether or not his leader's henchman are going to come and kidnap him. He will grow into a fine young man who will pursue every opportunity his heart could desire. He will have the gift of freedom, which I have enjoyed for so long.

If my life buys the safety of a child who will one day change the world, that I know it was all worth it.

Semper Fidelis means always faithful,. Always faithful to God, Country and Corps. Always faithful to the principles and beliefs that guided me into the service. And on that day in October when I placed my hand on a bible and swore to defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, I meant it. Marine Sgt. William Stacey.

From his mouth to God's ear...

pomp and circumstance...

Maybe we need to attend a graduation every year, whether we know someone or not. It is good for the soul to be refreshed with the reminder that some have reached a milestone in their lives and are starting on a new path. As humans, we all need that reminder, that a a few bars of Pomp and Circumstance. Everytime I hear that song, I remember myself on the night.

Fresh, full of hope for new beginnings. A sense of accomplishment, a job well done and now, out into my forever Life. After graduation night and an all nighter at Disneyland, the glare of that job well done, started to dim and the idea of a Real job, became louder than loud. My father was starting over with a new family, and I was kicked out of the nest. Little did I know that in four months, my mother would be dead by her own hand. What a way to start one's new forever.

We all know it turned out fine, better than fine. There would be many, many twists and turns but in the end, it was all good.

My Commentment Speech to Miss Zalaine Daniels, Class of 1969, Pacifica High School, Garden Grove, California.

The Real World is out there waiting for you, I know you are thrilled with your new found freedom but it will be tough. Job, college, where to live - all seem pretty glamorous choices and you, my friend, will have to make them all. Some things will be out of your control. Respond the best you can at the age you are. Look forward to making better choices everyday, as your life experiences change you. You will make mistakes, count on it, just don't make the same ones, twice.

I am rooting for you my friend, I have got your back. Now, go get em...

day 37...

About all I can focus on these days is how in 37 days, my life is making a big shift. Maybe the biggest ever. Isn't the chnage that is in front of you, always the biggest one?

Believe me, I am in full control of my multiple,mental personalities and to think that it will be all fun and games in 37 days, is not what I am thinking. There will be adjustments to be made. Compromise will become necessary 24/7 with no 8-5, days a week, breaks.

Maybe the idea of fun comes because I have an almost 15 year, head start on him. I have learned how to have fun and the experience has been the best thing, ever. Yes, two months after retirement, I found out I was going to nana and because of his work schedule, he has lived vicarously through me. No, we talk about taking day trips with the kids or just heading over at 10pm on a warm, summer night to go to Sonic for a Coke.

There will be head butting days.
There will be days, we will just have to stay out of each other's way.
Nothing can, always be fun.

That is the thing about fun. It comes and it goes but if you can see it, in the Moment...what a gift that is. I am planning on many, many fun days. Ready or not, here we come...

pets...

As an child and a grownup, I have had many pets. Mostly dogs, there is nothing quite like a dog to feel mighty loved. I understand there was a pekingese in the house when I was brought home from the hospital that needed some coaxing and some watching because of her one person attactment to my mother but sounded like, she finally came around.

Growing up, we had Gypsy. A type of heeler was her heritage and we had her for a bit but she magically disappeared. Later, we would learn that everytime my father was in the yard with us, she would bite him. Seems like we had her a long time, but like most things in childhood, they always look bigger and seem longer and you remember better than they really were.

Dogs are probably man's best friend. There is just Something. Fond memories of Ling Ling, Malcolm, Murphy and Miss Sadie. These days, we are pet free. Not because we don't want pets but these days as DH said last week, a dog is a luxury. He is spot on. If you have a pet, you better have a pet 401K. My sister has spent thousands of dollars on vet bills for her cat/cats, over the years. They don't have children so I get that. Before the kids got Banjo, they would suggest almost everytime we saw them, that we get a dog. Finally I told them, I can spend money on you or a dog, not both...There was no dog talk after that.

Everytime I see Banjo, it is like being loved by a four grandchild. I have to stop, pick him up, love on him before he can calm down. As I walk up to the house, I can hear him barking like crazy, knowing that soon he will be jumping around my ankles, looking for some Love.

Some big Love for all the animals that have come across my journey. You guys all taught me something with your love and devotion. Thank you, and for Banjo, thanks for all the love these days - poppa and I heart you too!

summer...

The calendar doesn't say summer. Not for a long while but the air outside does. It doesn't take much heat to allow one to think that a little bit of Beach Boys music is in order and watermelon goes on the menu while spaghetti goes back in the vault.

Raised in Southern California, the line between seasons is a bit blurry. Never seeing snow until I was 18, was a big deal. Still is. That is why summer here is Something to so look forward to. Sometimes we ease in into it, like this year and sometimes, boom - it is here one day and doesn't leave until late fall. We finished with soccer last weekend and the car is filled with coats, blankets, an umbrella and sunscreen. Never knowing what to expect, we were prepared for any and all things.

When the warm of the sun, spreads across your face, there is nothing quite like it. Laying on your back on a colorful blanket, looking up at the sky, seems like the most natural thing ever and just like riding a bike, you never forget how. The flip flops have been out for quite a while and no matter what the weather, have made a stand that no matter what, they are here to stay. Nothing quite like sitting in a warm car with a cold drink, jus ttaking in the sun. Nothing. So summer 2012, go ahead, whatever your agenda is for this year, we are ready. No longer in fight and flight mode, we are here no matter what you decide to do, we are here for the long haul.

It is suppose to start raining early in the week and probably ruin our chances of a Memorial Day trip to Sumpter, Oregon. It would not be the first time. We have taken the chance, made the 2 1/2 hour drive, got out of the car and right back in, to drive the 2 1/2 hours back. A memorable trip for all the wrong reasons. Looks like we will have to make the next one on June 30th. That is 40 days from now. How do I know? Retirement is the June 29th and the summer of 2012 will offically start for us. Summrt lovin, indeed.

your precious self...

Sometimes you’re not blocked, you’re empty. Anne Lamott.

While my camera is never far, my digital scrapping seems to have gone by the wayside. A combination of style change and not knowing what to do with that. It is about product and when you are not using anyone's product, you are left, galleryless. With Facebook and trying to keep up in the galleries of my digi family, I feel wiped out. Like I can't take type another Like, that too much time and brain power is needed that I can seem to muster.

Maybe it is because in 42 days, life changes. With retirement for DH, my life changes too. It is summer and all that comes with that glorious season. Being able to take off to go fishing, or grab the grandbabies to frolic and picnic, I find time is yanking me in two directions.

Maybe Anne is right, it is not about trying to find my mojo but I am empty, right now. I never thought of it like that. Always have discussions on the scrapping boards about where did inspiration go and how does one find it? What if it is not to be found? What if it is just a waiting game?

At least I can put a face to what I have been feeling. When a photo with a word of explanation is all that makes me happy, time to pay attention and stop trying to make excuses. It is what it is. Go with the flow, whatever it may look like and don't worry. That may very well be true...

miracles...

I have not always been a big believer in miracles. If anything, life experiences had proved, to the contrary. There have been Moments of clarity where where a miracle could not be denied. Getting married, having my baby, then grand babies but the idea of a these being a miracle always came in hindsight during one of Those Moments.

It has probably been the last 10 years that miracles have become the norm in my life. Now, I see miracles as they happen, I recognize them. They are not always the Big Moments, where lives are saved or changed. They come slowly and quietly. Even bigger than the miracles themselves is the idea that not only are they possible, but part of the Big Plan. They come unexpectedly and you have to be ready for them. They may come in a face, a conversation or even an app.

The game of Yahtzee is my current teacher. I have done it many times. Last play, last roll - I am losing and here it comes. A perfect roll where everything is comes together. Yesterday was one of those days. There is was, when I needed it most. I smiled big, not because I had won but because it just showed me again, anything is possible. Maybe it will, maybe it won't but it is possible. I was reminded of that again a few plays later, when the same thing happened to my opponent, Flavius. I would rather lose to the wonderfully, beautiful Mai or the marvelously wise, Sensei. Flavius is always telling me to, Relax. When it happens to Mai or Sensei, I am so happy for them, Flavius, not so much. When that changes, we will have a real miracle on our hands...