Today is turning into an exercise I call, 5 Questions for Jesus. Before I gave Jesus much though, the only question I ever asked concerning him, was more of a statement. I used it as a flag in the my atheist club, flying it freely and often.

If you are God, why do little kids die?

Later, as a young believer, that question changed to, If you are the son of God, why do bus loads of Christian get in car wrecks and die?

I am now in my 38 year of being a believer and am able to ask much better questions. Understanding that we change more often that we think, so do our questions. I got more time behind me than in front of my, got to get questions answered in a timely manner. Some serious, some not. Like a conversation at Flying M. Here we go.

1. Why did Charley Manson live to be an old man?
2. Was Eve on the dim witted side?
3. Hitler killed over 6 million people, how were those days for you?
4. Why does mankind think that prostitution can ever be cured or peace among all men, are possible?
5. What one thing do you think that we are capable of that we don't see?

There were different ones yesterday and the questions will change again tomorrow. What doesn't change is I do not need answers to go on. You are who you say you are. I hang my heart there. Running the race, best I can.

Say what you mean, mean what you say

 Vicente Fox who served as President of Mexico from 2000 to 2006, is becoming my muse. Even though no longer in office, his threats appear, to carry some serious weight. This one made me giggle. Whether because he used the f word in such an accurate way or because the pressure is getting to me, #...ingWall is where I stand right now. I have always said that the use of a naughty word is only bad if it is not used properly. These days tha f word is flown like a flag, it is all over the place without form or function. Mr Fox gives a voice to what I am feeling with an intensity reserved for very few issues. Lots of promises were made but our new president is discovering that running a business is very different from running a country. There are checks and balances, and there are consequences. Whatever the days to come bring, we are finding there are new ways of protesting, voices that talk back and everyone is watching. And talking. And completely ready, to go.


 There are certain beliefs that start when you are young, that slowly mature or fade away. These are the Big Ones, the beliefs that shape who you become because your actions are based on them. There is also a Plan B category that backs up, accessorizes and ultimately, influences those choices. 
They can be beliefs about culture. I believe prostitution, racism and peace, can not be dramatically changed in a lifetime. We talk about peace on earth and goodwill toward man but collectively, we are not able to pull it off. There are things happening now with social media that I never could have imagined as as young person but am smart enough to know the internet is not going away and is bringing life long issues of its own. Are we more savvy than those born 100 years ago? Are we better equipped to handle the Big Questions of life? Will 50 more years bring us to a better understanding of why. My beliefs have changed dramatically over the years, both what is possible and what is not. For those things not possible, I am at complete peace. Someday is good enough for me. May I always be aware of the possible. Aware and open. My biggest prayer is that I don't get the two mixed up.


 Focus. Do not worry about what the other guy is doing. It is not yours to know or expect or do. You are number three. That is all you have to have to ponder. Number 3 stuff. Your journey, your words, your life. You are the sum of your experiences and you will act on how you perceive those experiences. 
I was raised by men. A few minutes tea around me and you would get that. There was a mother in my life but her part was to bring constant fear to the family. The results are I interact better with men, probably think more like a man. Hate chit chat, let's us get to nitty griddy of it. I can only be me. This is who I am. Focus, be the best me I can be. Be the best you, you can be. We ask so much more of ourselves than God ever does. We are our worse enemy. Time to make nice and be your own best friend. You will never please everyone, stop trying and beating yourself up but do it with kindness. You don't have to put others down to make yourself feel good. It just doesn't work. Doesn't feel so good. My favorite prayer is not in the Bible. It is in the AA manual. Serenity, change, accept. Do the best you can. Every day.


 No matter your political slant, the last 7 days have introduced some new crazy chaos in each of our lives. The White House web page was redesigned with some significant exclusions and a new tone was set. In less than 6 hours, our government changed and I felt, we were just along for the ride. Regardless of which team you bat for, you were about to witness and experience a whole new set of feels. If we had gone from Trump to Obama, there would have been the same reactionary feels. The addition of social media is making this time even more subject to the revolutionary pull. My husband gets breaking news alerts on his phone and it goes off constantly. I realized last night that this new normal is just that. I will have to change my perception to survive it. I am choosing to leave doom and gloom behind. Do what I know to do is right. When it comes right down to it, that is all I can do. Be the best me I can be. Stand up for what is good, regardless of who is in the White House. Like the AA creed. Serenity to accept, courage to change and most importantly, wisdom to know the difference. My hope is to start a new period of serenity, courage and wisdom, and going where it leads me. That is where I want to put my heart. My Hope. My Life.

The art of hygge

 Hygge. It is a Danish term that translate to our English, cozy. A state of being where all psychological needs are met. Like a big hug. A roaring fire with a good book and a warm cup of cocoa. For women, sounds like the nesting thing we all like to do. It must be hygge that makes me want to buy every cable-knit blanket that crosses my path. I have had so many snow days that I am preferring them to Real Life. As long as the Diet Coke and almond milk are flowing, staying in is fine with me. We have all had too much hygge this winter, time to mix it up. Won't be easy, will be like pulling teeth. The snow has taken its toll. I have cried uncle enough for several winters. I have other fish to fry. Must gear up for this one.
Tomorrow starts his last semester of high school. We are looking at graduation announcements, party details, a school trip overseas and college all in the next 7 months. I know how fast it will go. I find myself trying to take it all in and start learning to let go. There is no letting go in hygge. There is no cozy in letting go and there is most certainly, no happy in pulling up your big girl panties and doing the hard thing. Pops and I talked about it all the way home from basketball and broke of our voices broke with tears. No hygge to be found anywhere. Will try again tomorrow's to look for our brave and make an effort to engage. If not, will turn to my cozy, familiar state of being this winter and burrow in for a little bit longer.

What do we believe

 An interview with a group of women who voted for Donald Trump almost 3 months ago, the conversation focused on how they see their candidate now. They had all voted for President Obama before. Twice. I wanted to know how these  seemingly smart, thinking women could vote for a candidate for the highest position in the land with the outward appearance of being, and I will roll all his  perceived characteristics in one, a doofus. I wanted to ask them how do see what he is showing you and expect him to morph into a game changer? How does one go from Obama to Trump? What does that path look like? We are now coming to understand that the Hillary affect did not resemble the model put forth. She had more problems than she could shake a stick at and being a woman was the least of them. Yet what these ladies said, made perfect sense. They did not like the way Trump presented himself. They did not like his rants and raves, tweets and obnoxious actions but they put ALL of that aside, for the perceived change that he promised to bring. They did not blindly disbelieve Trump poor and bullying ways, they just decided that the promise of change trumped his character. This is a real game changer. It speaks to our overall feeling of frustration. That we will forsake proven character for disproven change. Bravo to these ladies for explaining the why to where we find ourselves today. It has also made me check my belief system and with respect to these women, no change is worth letting the bully be in charge. The changes a bully, brings are no greater than himself. I need to remember this in every area of my life. Don't give in, do not roll over. Do not let the bully act out what he has already revealed about himself in your life. You have come too far. Be proud and never give up on what you know to be true, let the promises of man parade by. Bullies gonna bully, we can choose to search for higher ground.