Big computer crash.
Not sure when we will be back.
DSIL is working on it.
Hopefully, soon...

the man of my dreams...

Having had DH home for the last 5 Sundays has been wonderful. I introduced him to where we sit in church now and we have got to see the kids a bit more, I am grateful for each one. Yesterday he told me this week he would be working but that is ok. Soon, he will be back.

It will be 38 years in November that he had the good fortune to catch me. He was not the man of my dreams - hold on, let me explain. I told him about the man of my dreams and if I was ever missing, where to look. 38 years ago, it was the Hostess cupcake man. Your worries about my wandering will be few unless there is a Wonder bread truck in view.

I never had a face but I had an occupation. Never cared about height, or muscles or most every physical quality, the man of my dreams would keep me in cupcakes. Don't' laugh, I was serious. He would bring home the sweets that the stores rejected and we would live, happily ever after. What a immature dream! Later after we had been married for a while, I left the Hostess man behind and found a real man - the man who drove the red truck who would keep me swimming in Diet Coke. I informed DH of the change, just so he would know.

Another phase that I eventually grew out of. What was I thinking! How childish to pick a man based on what he hauls around and lugs around, day after day. Seems so silly now.

last night, we watch the Eagles 1st reunion tour. Almost 4 hours of fabulous music that I knew most of the words to. Sometimes it just doesn't get any better. Sometimes during the concert, I realized that my dream man had changed yet again and this time, it was a grown up choice. My dream man now plays the guitar. Not just any guitar but old rock and roll. Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, the Edge or Keith Richards. Those bad boys are music to my ears and on the fast track to my heart. Finally, a Big Girl dream - wow.

The Discovery channel had a program a few weeks ago on how men and women are attracted to each other. Very interesting and it explains how DH found me out of all the others he could have chosen. Some of it had to do with smell which was never in any of the man of my dreams scenarios. I was never close enough to any of them to get a whiff. Maybe it would have worked, maybe not. What I do know it that the man I got became the man of my dreams and 38 years later, he still thanks his lucky starts everyday for I hope Eric doesn't come around and smell good...

the everyday of everyday...

You know it on some level everyday,
whether you acknowledge it to yourself
or not.

Some days it is easier than others,
to remember how rich your life really is.
With the busyness of life,
comes the forgetfulness
of all things, that make is so.

I try to start each day,
with that in mind.
I have been blessed with a wonderful family,
a mostly sound mind,
and a few extras that bring
so much to the everydayness of life.

We have holidays for everything imaginable.
We should have one for gratitude.
A day to stop and realize,
who we are and how far we have come.
A day to acknowledge,
that despite what is going on all around us,
life is really very simple,
if we let it be.

There are those who are going through immeasurable loss,
experiences I could never imagine.
We each have good and bad days,
days when it doesn't seem worth the effort.
The deal is to accept the ebb and flow.
Rejoice every chance you can and pray when you can't.

That is the true meaning of everyday Life...


An estimated 25,000 lives have been saved by the 21 Minimum Legal Drinking Age. (NHTSA, 2008)

Underage drinking, particularly in the university setting, is a serious problem that requires serious reflection. The problem should be examined without jeopardizing a law that has saved nearly 25,000 lives since going into effect.

* Alcohol is the number one youth drug problem in America.1
* More young people die from alcohol-related incidents than from all other illicit drugs combined.2
* An estimated 1,700 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including motor vehicle crashes. Approximately 600,000 students are unintentionally injured while under the influence of alcohol.3
* More than 30 percent of college students abuse alcohol and six percent are dependent on alcohol – rates much higher than for young adults who are not in college.4
* The problem of binge drinking is worse among college-age students in college versus those who are not in college.5
* The earlier youth drink (average age of first drink is about 16), the more likely they will become dependent on alcohol and drive drunk later in life.6

1 SAMHSA, 2004
2 National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2000
3 Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Prevent and Reduce Underage Drinking, 2007
4 Knight et al, 2002
5 Slutske, et al, 2004; Johnson, et al, 1997
6 Grant & Dawson, 1997. Hingson et al, 2003. Hingson & Kenkel, 2004

60 minutes did a segment about kids and drinking last night that got me to thinking. This is a big deal, not just college age but with every age demographic, this is a Big Deal. Drinking knows no limit or boundary.

You are a grown up in every sense of a legal way at 18. You can vote, drive, get married, go to war but you can't drink until 21. Apparently there is lots of action on both sides. One HS teacher stated that 18 year olds are getting the 21 year olds to buy for them - if the law was changed, the 15 year olds would be asking the 18 year olds to buy for them with would start affecting high schools in a big way. I think that is a potential nightmare for schools and parents.Another suggested a drinking license, run the same way as a drivers license. Take a class, pass a test, get a license and if you screw up, they take it away. Interesting concept.

Here is my thought - Those in the know tell us that teen brains are not fully developed. I suggest we leave the drinking age at 21 and change all the others to 21 too. Maybe a teen shouldn't be making a decision about going to war. Give em a few more years to mature and then decide. Maybe we are rushing them into adulthood and there are not ready. Maybe we are getting it all wrong. Just maybe, we need to rethink a few things.

When I think back to 21, I had been married a year and was 6 months pregnant. I thought I knew it all and that is the scary part. Took me many more years to realize how wrong I was. Kids have more information available to them today than ever before and it has made barely a dent. If you have passed the 21 year mark, you know what I mean. If you haven't, I pray you make that far. Then, you have a fighting chance...


You know those questionnaires that people are always exchanging to know each other better? Last week, I did 48 random things and one with three answers for each question. They are really not my thing but sometimes I do them, just because.

I so love numbers so if I were to write one, and I am not (I heard that collective sigh of relief!) but if I did - this is how it might go:


1. 100% of the time, if I live in the Moment - I am never disappointed.
2. 90% of the time, I am aware that God is near, no matter what my head says.
3. 80% of the time, I know that life isn't always fair.
4. 70% of the time, creativity is coming easier.
5. 60% of the time, I know what is for dinner tomorrow.
6. 50% of the time, I have music on when I scrap.
7. 40% of the time, the news is on in the background.
8. 30% of the time, I realize that more people than I think, are semi-ok.
9. 20% of the time, I know it's not just me.
10. 10% of the time, I am extremely fearful.

We are all a mix of emotions, history, genes and environment. A single event can be seen as a polar opposite by two people. I see more black and white than most. I am actually drawn to B&W - I think I am going to make a books of all my layouts converted to black and white. Actually, I am about 100% sure that is going to happen...

Rena and Yvonne...

Rena's Story - taken from Doug

Rena and her husband had purchased a resort in the 60’s on the west side of the Puget Sound. It was a hard life. They both had to work night and day just to keep things afloat.

The kids had to pitch in, too. But the business bounced along for a while. They hit some hard spots and her husband went back to work in large construction projects.

He was gone all week working in steel framing. Then he would return home on the weekends to be with Rena and the kids. Once in awhile he began staying away on the weekends too. It was a lonely life for both.

Roland (her husband) evidently lost his way and struck up a romance with a much younger woman who lived about two hours from their home. Rena found out all this a few years later. At first he was just in an ill-advised romance. But then the young woman became pregnant. Roland couldn't’t bring himself to reveal his already existent marriage. So he married the new now pregnant woman in his life as well.

He told his new wife that he had to work away on weekends. He must have been very persuasive because both women believed him. So he spent weekdays with his family in Tacoma and weekends with Rena and the kids on the Puget Sound. This went on for a good period of time.

It must have all gotten to him. Roland took their “crabbing” boat into one of the crab beds on the Sound. He had evidently purchased a car for cash and parked in on the east side of the Sound. It appears he took a small dingy with him to row to shore. He faked his death. He knew that the authorities would know that if one drowned in a crab bed there wouldn’t even be any bones left. He left the boat anchored so it appeared he had gotten tangled in the crab pots and drowned.

He was reported dead after an investigation. The freak death was reported and posted in the papers. The second younger wife in Tacoma heard of the death after Roland didn’t return home for several days. She contacted Rena.Both women were in shock. The insurance money was eventually split between them. Rena went on with her life working at Boeing and for a period of time maintaining the resort. Soon she had to sell the properties. She just couldn’t handle it with the kids and work.

Rena never remarried. She always felt there was something not quite right about Roland’s disappearance. She had little contact with the other wife after a few months. But she was hurt. She told me she would have forgiven him and something could have been worked out. She raised the kids and was alone after fifteen years.

Then one day she received a call from Portland, Oregon. They said, “Mrs. Welch your husband has been brain injured on the work site.” She informed them they had the wrong Mrs. Welch. They asked, “Is his name Roland and is this your address?” It was the right name and the address was the old address of the resort.

She took a friend and traveled to Portland to see this Roland. The man they had been caring for had fallen off a roof and a steel rebar had gone through his head. He would be permanently disabled. When she stepped in the room Roland began to cry. She says she was flooded with ten different emotions. But she knew what she had to do. She knew what Jesus would do.

Rena took Roland home when he was able to travel. She nursed him and forgave him. I met Roland about three times. He had trouble talking. And he would weep heavily when ever we talked about Christ. He did receive Christ.

She had been caring for him for six years when I first heard the story. She said it was what people with right hearts do. She said, “you can’t save the world if you can’t save one person.” I haven’t heard from Rena in fifteen years. I am sure she has gone to be with her Savior by now. And Roland I know will be in heaven too. He will be a forgiven man who found dignity from the one he had hurt the most.

Rena notified the insurance company and set a plan to return all she had gotten. She said that was only right. Jesus wants what’s right from us even when it’s hard.

I got a message through my Facebook this week. It was a question from a young wife. Her husband had lost his job and was only able to find work for three days a week. He was so depressed he slept the other four days. She said, “I don’t know if I can live with a man who won’t support me. I am feeling that God wants me to divorce him.” I wish I could introduce her to Rena.

Yvonne's Story - AP and me.

SLC - It took a wedgie and a headlock to pin down a man suspected of breaking into a car. Yvonne M, a technician at the Brickyard Animal Hospital, says she chased a man who broke into a coworkers's car but he kept squirming away from her. Yvonne eventually grabbed the man's boxer shorts and pulled. The SLC police said she then put the man in a headlock until help could arrive. The man was booked into the SLC jail on suspicion of vehicle burglary, possession of stolen property and outstanding wedgies, I mean, warrants.

I don't know if I could do what Rena did. Actually pretty sure, I couldn't. I would hope I would do what Yvonne did on so many levels and I have practiced this scenario in my mind many times but not sure I wouldn't kill him before help got there ( must rework my mental practice, need to hold back a little). Rena and Yvonne's Stories are obviously not on a level playing field but they both display the best of a woman, IMHO. Today meet my new BFF, Revonne...

2009 so far...

Almost 50 days in to 2009. Doesn't seem like it has been that long. I remember thinking that life as we have known it, would be different. The economy is about where I thought it would be. Finding out that TARP 1 was mainly for CEO's to take out huge severance packages really came as a somewhat of a surprise. I assumed( my first mistake) that there was some kind of accountability built in but obviously, not. I sure didn't see Kansas and California deciding to suspend issuing tax refunds - didn't know they had the desecration to make that call. If you like to get a big refund every year, you may want to rethink that plan.

I also didn't see the price of gas going up again. Somewhat of a shock - was hoping to do some yard saling this summer, will have to wait and see.

Noticed that BlockBuster video is gone. That I did see coming - all we have left locally is Hollywood and at $4.50 a movie,I am guessing they are not far behind Blockbuster. Our choices are dwindling.

DH has had the last 3 Sundays off and that has been a great unexpected benefit - for however long it last. He has got to see his gks and have a life. We both love it.

There was snow on the ground this morning and I hope that is the end of it. I realize the calendar still says winter but sure am ready for Spring. A little sunshine is good for the soul.

2009 has been somber so far. Everyday there is another company going out of business or having massive layoffs. Vacant buildings and empty storefronts are everywhere you go.I got together with some digi girls today for coffee and we talked about paper scrapping and its future. It can easily cost $20 to do one page - can't imagine how many people can still afford to do it. Time to look at digi - as we say, Welcome to the Dark Side.

That is the long view - the short view is today is really what it is all about. Telling somebody you love them or taking pictures of kids who needed to get out and work off some energy. make a little dinner and listen to the hum of the dryer. It was a good day - 2009 so far, so good...


Our Valentine's Day wedding was a great time. I was so excited when the groom's momma asked me to bring my camera. As it turned out there were many cameras and we were at times, tripping over each other but I learned something about myself. I never want to be the first shooter at a wedding again and here's why. That photographer has the daunting task of documenting the whole event. There are all the traditional shots that need to be taken and it is a big job. What I loved about this wedding is that I got to concentrate on relationships and emotions. There is Something about seeing someone with their arm around one they love that gives me that great photographer satisfaction. I couldn't get enough of Papa D or the Wells family. They have a great energy and reached so many kids thru KKSM with their message that God loves you. Hard to do but they have taken the skateboard world by storm by declaring their own Love of God.

To celebrate with them as their first-born took his bride is a milestone that friends share. To be able to bring a camera and shoot without reservation, is over the top. Thanks guys for sharing, I loved it...

strong women...

I can't tell you how much I love strong women. Not strong like beat you up strong although I do love that quality in a woman but maybe passionate would be a secondary definition. In all the women I call friends, there is a quality of strength. From the grown one I gave birth to - to the little one that calls me nana, there is just something about these women that makes me want to be a better woman where there is much room for improvement.

Since my early experiences with woman role models were few and terribly wrong. There have been real women placed in my life that have helped my immensely trying to figure this woman thing out. I couldn't have done it without them. I am indebted to these real women who have shared so much with me - I can never repay their love. There is also another group of women who have shown me that it's gonna be ok no matter what it feels like. Although they are pretend, they have been very real to me. What I wouldn't give to have been in group therapy with Murphy Brown or had big girl lunches with Joy (My Name Is Earl). I want to talk spiritual things with Grace (Saving Grace) and check in with Roseanna to see how her writing is coming along. I had to turn to television to define what I wanted womanhood to look like on me. They have made me laugh, cry and see that it doesn't matter what our culture is telling women to do, we have had it all along. The ability to be who we are and be good with it.

Having always been a Martha, I still see the value in being Mary but am able to admit, that would never have been me. I have trouble slowing down, always have. At our sleepover the other night, we took Gage coffee in the morning and we were just hanging out. Gage asks me, Did you have coffee, you sure talk fast!. He never noticed this before - this from the King of Talk???

Whether real or pretend, these women have been my friends. They have taught me the value of being a woman, in the best sense. Not the Gloria Steinem type which never agreed with me. There is strong and there is obnoxious and I will admit, sometimes that line is muddled. It takes work to figure it out.

The real women in my life are a great joy. They never cease to amaze me. They can bend and stretch, fall and get back up - all the while with a strength that defies normal understanding. Thank you ladies, I love you so...

the aftermath...

Ever have those times in your life when you have a more than a few days in a row of Go, Go, Go? I came home this afternoon and just crashed for a few hours. These days were filled with great fun things that came one after another after another. A little crash is called for - even very therapeutic.

I have wedding photos to edit and valentine pictures to scrap. I have clothes to dry and dishes to wash. I have thoughts to think and prayers to embrace. Yesterday at our sleepover, Gage was talking about saving some of his stuff for his grandkids. It made me think that it has been a while since I have prayed for them, and decided it could wait no longer, He also decided that he probably wouldn't save his Nintendo DS for them which had more to do with what was important to him now than to the family he imagines he will have someday. I completely agree with him - our prayers will do more good than an outdated electronic product, Down The Road.

There will always be times of big bursts of activity in our lives where we are leaping from one thing to another with little time in between to breathe but you can be assured that Something will come our way to slow us down and give us time to regroup and go again. Did I real get that all in one sentence?...

Happy Valentine's Day...

Look around, there must be something in your life to love. We always associate this Hallmark-induced holiday with couple love, but I am not sure I agree. I am thinking of several who are along this Valentine's Day that didn't expect to be. Don't let all the red bring you down. I know you can't go in any store without being bombarded with reminders that scream, I am alone.

I am more than aware of the love that surrounds me. I never take it for granted. We had a sleepover with Miss M and a little photo shoot before we headed out to one of two school Valentine parties for her brothers. Public school Valentine parties have changed. Not unlike those Hidden Vally commercials where the kids have broccoli-eating contest, there is an overflow of grapes, cheese, crackers and carrots. However, it is the cookies complete with much frosting and an overabundance of M&M's, it where the action is. Even teh Valentine's boxes are big and fancy. No longer are paper Valentine's the thing - you have to have candy with them or as the case in Keaotn's 4th grade party, a pen from a local realtor...Really.

I have the great honor of attending a wedding this Valentine's Day and better yet, get to take some photos, I am a lucky girl. I wish you a wonderful day and I hope whatever it is that you get great joy in being able to love. It is a great thing!


Interpretation is everything..

Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in:
A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.. This photo is of me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Harrington

A perfect example of what we all do hundreds of times a day. Sometimes we have to make decisions, sometimes we choose to. At the end of the day, how we interpret words, motives or each other is subjective at best. Then we base our actions, thoughts and relationships on those interpretations. There is no quick fix, or cookie cutter recipe to figuring these things out. The other issue is that you can give the same details to two people and have completely different opinions - that is a whole other can of worms.

in-ter-pre-ta-tion (in-tur-pri ta/shan)
1. the meaning assigned to to another's work, action or behavior.

I will admit there are days that my interpreter skills are totally off, There are days, I am spot on. The point to me is big deal, so what if you are right but it is a big deal if I am wrong and act on it.

Thanks Michele for the life lesson disguised as great humor. I had been contemplating some interpretive Moments that have been floating around in my head and realized I have been both where Ms Davis and Mrs Harrington find themselves and need to remember that, it ain't easy...

Grammy 2009

No matter what age you are, if you are a music fan, there can be no greater ride than the surprise duo at the Grammy's. You have to live with the 24 awards being awarded to get to the good stuff but it is worth it all. Where else could you see Justin Timberlake and Al Green doing Let's Stay Together? Adele and Sugarland's, Chasing Pavement, blew me away. The Jonas Brothers and Sir Stevie Wonder doing Superstitious. T.I. and Timerlake doing Dead and Gone - the combo of ballad and hip hop was phenomenal. Radiohead and the USC Trojan Band brought the house down and Paul McCartney singing, I Saw Her Standing There brought me to tears. The unlikely duo of Robert Plant and Alison Krauss did a beautiful What I'd Give, and walked away with a few statues.

Any night where you can see U2 and Coldplay in just a few hours time is a good one. When Jamie Foxx, Smokey Robinson and Ne-yo came out swinging like the Four Tops, I was almost to swoon. So much music and history and when you bring the old and new school together, not only is Class in session but you can't wait to get to school! Reminds me, must get some new study material at the ITunes library before they close. Wait... they never close, ah, life is good

winter photography...

After all the late fall shots, our part of the country turns inward. Or at least those of us who hate winter, plain give up. With all the indoor Christmas pictures in December, the picture season was stretched out a bit but taking pictures inside is like playing football in a 10 x 12 living room. There are days that even the snow starts to look good and as you start to put on those snow boots, those happy feeling go away quickly.

The need to be creative doesn't go away so you look for new ways to fill that need. This photo was taken at a birthday party on Friday - inside a multi - window garage type setting. While a car will never be inside the Red House, the floor is that wonderful flecks of color type that worked perfect with this dress. Didn't even need a face even though I would know, with those shoes - it is Miss M.

Even though the groundhog estimates 6 more weeks of winter, I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I was asked to take some wedding photos on Valentine's Day and I am thrilled. It is going to be a fun wedding, think the colors are purple and black. Wow, I am ready to go. Maybe winter is not so bad after all. Now, if only the leaves will start coming out and we can hit the trail, I will be a most happy girl...

cake and candy...

It is a genetic fact that there are chemicals in our brains that if not in proper quantities, will never tell you that you are full. While so much of our money and time goes to drug and pregnancy issues, weight affects more people the the other two combined.

I have lost lots of weight, lots of times in many different ways. 95% of us are not successful in keeping weight off. Thirty some years ago, I lost 100 pounds with Weight Watchers and kept if off for over 5 years. A 10 day trip to SLC to help my sister go thru a difficult brain surgery was all it took. I can still taste those chocolate donuts in the hospital's cafeteria that I couldn't live without by Day 2. I certainly believe in emotional eating and obviously, that was the trigger THAT time. There are so many chapters in a eaters life, that they take turns, showing up. That last time I lost a large amount of weight was 7 years ago with the throat thing. DD thought I looked sick but I still weighed over 135 - nothing skinny about that.

So you factor in the chemicals, the emotions, the addictions and and overwhelming love of all things, cake. Cake is the perfect food. It fills every need, every last one. To this day, I dream about cake.

Today, I heard a doctor say, If someone can keep the weight off for 5 years, check in at 10 years, If he can keep if off for 10 years, check back at 15 years. Sometime in his life before he dies, he will gain the weight back.

That is not good news. The other staggering news is the prediction has been made that today's generation will not outlive their parents. With a MacDonald's on most corners and a less-active lifestyle, this is not hard to believe. I have no solution. It comes down to choices but it is a staggering task. Kids and candy go together like nana and cake. I am still waiting for medical science to figure it out. 15 years ago, I met with a doctor from Colorado who was actively working on a fat pill. He was there to help us break down the sugars in many different products we wanted to explore using in our ethanol process but he knew that the same ideology was the link to both.

It looks like the medical profession decided there was more interest in erectile dysfunction. They sure jumped on that bandwagon fast - I don't remember a parade or telethon or PSA that warned us of this dangerous situation yet, here we are with a cure!

I will go to my grave craving cake and Diet Coke. I am under no illusion that one day it will be different but for my grandkids, I hope there is progress made. Now the talk is about going green, organic food and our love for all things exercise. Had a conversation with an old friend the other night who has been in Sales and Marketing in the food industry for over 39 years. He said the quickest way for an item on a restaurant menu to die is to put "organic" by it. What we say and what we want are two different things...

All that doom and gloom - there are things you can do and that is accept what is. You will always love food that isn't good for you, always. There is no cure. It is a daily battle. The good news, if you accept these facts and learn to make peace with living a more balanced life, you can live with it. You can have your cake and eat it too...not just all at once.

all in the Family...

I had my fill of news by 7Am so I started channel surfing and landed on Archie Bunker's old TV comedy, All In The Family. Those most certainly were the days. As I watched and started smiling at all the un PC, I couldn't help but wonder what Archie Bunker would think of President Obama.

We must have watched this show quite a bit when DD was young. She was just starting to talk and we couldn't understand this sentence that she would say over and over and over. Finally one night, DH says, she is saying Archie Bunker goes phssssss. Another of life's great mystery's solved. I know Archie is gone but his SIL, Meathead is still around and like it or not, Mike had the ability to have alot of Archie rub off on him. I would love to see him in Archie's old chair talking about President Obama and how the world has changed.

Ever wish someone from one generation who has passed could see what you are seeing? I have thought about my father - he would be proud to see the good part of his heritage, carry on. He would love it when Gage growls or Morgan is a princess or to see Keaton's loving heart. Being a lifelong God disbeliever, the same day that he died - we had to move him out of his apartment. It was mostly a clean up process that DH and my dear friend helped me with. What little we did keep went into his car. When we started up the car, the radio came on and it was on the only local Christian radio station we had then. We all looked at each other in utter disbelief, not quite registering what we were hearing. No one had access to the car, it could only have been him.

I filed this in my mental Miracle file but never had expectations of anything more. Still don't but is sure makes you think, you absolutely do not know it all. It doesn't change everything else I know to be true but it does shake you up a little. Keaton and Gage have asked me about him and I have been very vague about him and the rest of my family history but I can't help but think, had he known these little bundles of love, he would have seen the Love in its total fullness. Now Archie Bunker, that is a horse of a different color - might have taken a extreme bolt of lighting...

on a scale from 1-10...

We all use this universal scale most days. The doctor asks us to rate our pain, we ask the kids how bad their tummy ache is so we can decide if they need to stay home from school. Maybe we don't always use those exact words.Sometimes it is the More Likely scale but the theory is the same. Every time we sign up for unemployment benefits, you have to take the How Are We Doing quiz and rate them on 20 some items, from 1-10. The way I answer is always the same.

On a scale from 1-10, rate these people as TV interviewers.

10...David Letterman
10...Jay Leno
1....Larry King
10...Chris Hansen
10...Brian Williams
1....Katie Couric
10...David Letterman
10...David Letterman
10...David Letterman

Do you see a pattern? If you saw Letterman last night with former Gov. Rod Blagojevich, you would understand. I have long suspected that Dave is brilliant and that is my point. While I appreciate 2 thru 9, for me it's either all or nothing. If you are looking for a 5 from me, time to move on - nothing to see here. The older I get the less time I have to not be either all in or leave it for someone else. I am not saying this is right, it just is. Everyday we all get a chance to get on the scale and give it our best - take the opportunity to be fully in, you won't regret it...


Ted Haggard, Micheal Phelps and Ted Daschle... and many, many more.

We need 2 different words for apologize. One is just not cutting it. We need one word for when someone apologizes before being caught and a different one for when one is caught, an after the fact - I'm sorry. They really are too completely different emotions. While I believe that both are sincere, the motivations behind each are completely different and I know this because I am the same exact way.

While apologizing after the fact may not seem so, I think is is very sincere. Me/you/them are sincerely, completely, desperately sorry - for being caught. Let's keep the old apologize word for those whose consciences got the best of them. They choose a bad path, made a wrong choice and want to correct it quickly. When used in that context, I sincerely apologize, from the bottom of my heart - will mean Something and we will take them at their word and move on.

So, what word should we use when we have had time to think about what we did and have chosen to take our chances as to being caught? We have decided purposefully that we do want it all and are willing to risk everything to have it. Boy, that is going to be a doozy - good luck and I will be watching for the home version of that game. It is so bottom-feederish of those who take the risks to have it all, to apologize to the rest of us for simply being caught. Make no mistake, I believe each of us has or will be in this boat at some time in our lives. I have done some things I am not proud of. Here's a little confession:

I stole a pair of earring in junior high.
I had a tow truck haul away a teacher's car in high school. (he had it coming)
I have falsified my weight on my driver license.

Never caught at any or these except for a few glances at the DMV but no direct accusations. We all want it all. Anybody who says different is lying. While this may always be human nature, I still think a new word is in order, maybe it would even help all of us believe more in each other and that can only be a good thing...

Love is...what does mine look like?

We hear it at most weddings, many sermons and lots of Places in between. Most of us can recite most or all of it from heart. My thinking is we are all better at talking than doing.

Or maybe it is just me. The hammer/nail thing. When we tell someone we love them, we meant it. Not in the Corinthians Way, more like our own way and that way is whatever we might be feeling at the time. It is easy to love when everything is going well and we are the the huggy Moment but for the rest of the 24 hours and 59 minutes of the day, trying to keep up with the Corinthians type of love, seems at best - too much.

We have a lot on our minds these days. Life is tough and there is so much hanging over our heads. It occurred to me that my favorite ice cream store, Coldstone may not be around long and if I want Cake Batter ice cream, I better get it soon. At almost $5 for a 2 scoop bowl, I imagine their future similar to Starbucks and that ain't good. If I am honest, I probably have feelings about ice cream closer to the C passage than I have people. Sad at very best.

Whether I am upset with DH which hardly ever happens,or the two people who pulled out in front of me this weekend in a 2 block time frame - my love, at many times is neither patient, or kind - not to mention less than jealous, arrogant or boastful. If Love never fails, it does with me but it is not Loves' fault, it is mine.

I am acutely aware of my state of Love today and I am not proud. I have much room for improvement and even more room to make it better. Not for others but for me. The instructions are clear and easy to follow. There is no way anyone could misinterpret or not understand what to do. The issue is doing it and maybe we start with asking for more desire instead of what we have been doing that isn't working out too well. All I know is that today, I am aware, willing and praying for more desire. It is a start and for me, a big one...

superbowl Sunday...

Realizing that at times, I live on a complete different planet as most - superbowl Sunday only holds one interest for me - the commercials. I love commercials, almost in an unnatural way. My favorite right now is the Nextel commmercial, What if Delivery people ran the world. Commercials make me smile all over. Ignoring the ones that never should have been brought out in public, The rest are just eyecandy for the soul.

So, once a year - I look forward to a whole new rash of ones with some sports thrown in between. For most people, superbowl is about food and football. They start their parties early. This neighborhood party started 6 hours before the game. What do you do for all that time? No commercials to watch and you can only eat so much food - maybe that is when they paint their faces and chest with paint. Don't know and don't want to. I am just in it for the TV.

Knowing that the economy will make a difference when a 30 sec commercial has cost over 2 million in the past, I hope they don't skip on quality. Hopefully, this has forced them to become more creative which will be a win-win for both of us. It is times like this that I wish I had a reverse DVR that would record only the commercials. Must look into it but as for today, I will have to run in when the sponsors break away and then listen for the next station break. Let's hope it iw worth all that trouble...

PS. Favorite of the night - Heroes cast singing Joe Cocker's, Feeling Alright.