Started the day watching a bit of the Charlie Sheen marathon,I Am Just Fine, Thank You Very Much. It didn't take long to figure out he was the only one who thinks that. Throughout the day, no ramblings. Today, GMA, and later an hour on TMZ. By early evening, the news channels were all in agreement that a mental holiday was the next natural and safe choice.
Just a few hours later, the premiere of Anthony Bourdain's, No Reservations. Had seen the previews, knew it was Haiti and Sean Penn. From the very beginning, I was reminded that Haiti, for most of us, had it's 15 minutes of my attention and a benefit concert and then would fade and I would be off to the next disaster. I was right and felt a bit ashamed. @ million people, with 1 1/2 million displaced. They loss over 300, 000 of their own in a day. They no longer are willing to be photographed by every media outlet because it nothing has changed. They feel like they have been used, and thrown aside. I think, they are right.
It was not a feel good show, even Tony admitted that as he twitted through the new episode but he did manage to share their art, their creativity in the face of less than no hope odds. He told how a gesture of goodwill, backfired. After talking to his producers, they decided to buy one woman's tent-side restaurant out and feed the local kids and mayhem broke out. A short term, feel good solution that turned out to be not so good.
Seen Penn went for a few weeks and found more than he bargained for. He helped set up a 55,000 person tent city and continues to help. It was a year ago on January 12, 2010 and JPHRO is now in full force, on the ground running. I imagine that many people felt the way I did, Haiti was so poor before and all the monies that came in, more than likely, will never be used for the Haitian people. They came from nothing and expect, not much more.
Charlie Sheen probably has snored enough drugs that he could have single-handily, rebuilt Haiti. Such a dichotomy of feelings. The Haves and the HaveNots.
No rhyme or reason
Another day of living the questions, as it should be, everyday...
Posted by email@example.com at Monday, February 28, 2011
One of the very basic things you learn first in driver's training is putting the car in reverse. There wouldn't be much point in learning to drive if you could only go forward. You could never go in a driveway, you could never park at a store or a school or a doctor's office. You could never go back and get that photo you so clearly saw, just a few seconds ago. We never think of reverse as a negative. It is a good thing that saves us, many a time.
So why when we apply it to life, do we whine and complain about taking a few steps backward? Why is it always, always perceived as a negative? Why are we unable to see the potential goodness and necessity or going in reverse? One dimensional, is that how we really want to live?
It has taken me many years of practice to even get a glimpse of it now. To understand that going in reverse may be the very best thing I can do. Going in reverse is not running away or having to do without - just like when you drive - it may be the very thing that saves your life or at the very least, gives you another chance.
When life goes in reverse, my default is a second of panic and it may always be but I would love to see it more often for what I truly think it is... just another tool in this journey and a vital and important one at that...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Sunday, February 27, 2011
Being embarrassed it a tough thing. No matter what age you are, we all at times find ourselves a little red in the face. The degrees of what is embarrassing is as diverse as each of us.
We use the same word or explain it as the act of being embarrassed whether we wet our pants or someone says something really nice about us. Basic human nature keeps us in check from wanting to embarrass people, except for siblings and friends. When spouses to it to each other and we are witnesses, we become embarrassed for them.
A good sense of self, will bring fewer embarrassing Moments because we are able to laugh along with the crazy things we all do. So will, getting older. As we age, we seem to understand that stuff happens and learn to roll better with it.
So, put your best foot forward and if something happens. see if you can laugh it off instead of taking it to heart. Grab your invisible pom poms and celebrate the fact that you are human and embarrassment happens...
Posted by email@example.com at Saturday, February 26, 2011
This maybe the closer thing that describes our lives, in a nutshell. The chapters of our experiences, written out in full detail. Details that only the mind can know fully, leaving us with visual images that tell the Story in part, to the best of our recollection.
She was not yet 20. A young woman on her way home from work, early evening. Germany, the first year of WW1. She didn't see them, she heard them coming from behind. Soon this young woman would be running for her life. Being chased by a enemy plane. Being shot at, running as fast as she could...home. She would run up to the third floor apartment where she lived with her mother and father. The apartment building would soon be hit and fire will take over all the apartments. She will hear a mother in the building screaming, and run down and see the baby on fire. Wrapping her up in a blanket, the young woman runs out into the street looking for help for her and the baby. When she gets on the street, she uncovers the blanket to find little left that is recognizable.
This is the Story I had be told a few times, while growing up. I have no idea how much of it was true but it was told to explain my mother's mental condition. It sits on the bookshelf with some other Stories, that are equally, hard to believe. Each of us has a bookshelf full of memories and experiences and when we want to understand, we go to our bookshelf, for help.
My bookshelf is overwhelming, even to me but it is mine. The good and the bad,maybe hard to believe but I wouldn't change a thing. It has taken a lifetime to get here, but it is the honest to God truth...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Was day dreaming today. About Down The Road and further. When these days no longer are, and the next phase is here. A thought raced through my mind. Still not sure where it came from - me or God. Has made me a bit uncomfortable all day. It was a thought that left the idea that reconciliation with those I most wish never to reconcile with, might happen. It was just a flash, but I wonder if it was more. I wonder if it it is possible to see beyond what is seen now, to a whole new thing. I whole new thing, that goes against every bone in my body.
See, the thing with God is - He just gives you a small sense of what is possible. We human, if we are inclined to look at heaven, do so with earthly eyes. There is no natural way that we think about Later without Now eyes. I think that is what bothered me the most. I am so aware that my feelings, tribulations and expectations are much like a Power Of Attorney - it ends when a person dies. Then the will kicks in, or your next leg of your journey, kicks in.
If Today was of God, He has given me a heads up. While there is still legitimate fear involved, it is legit only here, only now. If only a small part of what I heard today is right, all bets are off and I am in for some Big Surprises and I am not, alone...
Posted by email@example.com at Tuesday, February 22, 2011
...keeps you on your toes. A sleepover with him is constant. Motion, action, love. He could easily have been an only child. We tripped the Mall fantastic. this rest of the evening was non-stop Wii, Xbox, iPad and reading. Jimmy Neutron is our go to movie to end the night and then a bit of downtime.
Morning brought new energy and we started our day with more reading, still Captain Underpants. Got dressed and with our checkers and bowling dice in hard, headed for the Flying M. I asked if we could stop at a local park and take a few pictures. He is headed for a haircut and I wanted to capture this hair season of Gage before it was too late. He asked how many, I said, maybe 10. Literally I shot less than a minute and came home with some treasures. I thanked him and we proceeded with our day.
He is a pleasure to spend time with. He is too smart for his own good and that smile...that smile, does and will continue to melt hearts and not just mine. The girls already ask to sit by him at lunch. They are so obvious, he knows they like him. He is street smart and at almost 9, already knows more than I did as a teenager.
just the right amount of wrong... heard this Somewhere and instantly thought of him. If you have a one in your life like this one, you know what I mean. Life seems a bit dull tonight, without him around. Poppa and I will have to learn to make due by ourselves and look forward to more This One time later. Thanks dude, we had a blast!
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Monday, February 21, 2011
Watching a political show last week and during a segment on religion, one of the guests while being asked about demonizing unions, cultures and people from the pulpit, replied, If you are demonizing something, it means you are also, idolizing something. That statement has stuck with me all weekend, the concept is starting to stick.
Can you have one without the other? My answer would have been yes before last week but now, I am not so sure. Except for a precious few things, this may very well be true. By the time we get to the point where we are demonizing something, we are upside down and perhaps, idolizing is nearby.
I think we need to be a bit careful about who and what we put in the demon category. When used correctly, I certainly believe in there is a Time and Place for demonization but not sure, we get it right very often. There is a whole lot of idolization that goes on in each of us, you don't have to make a list now...but it gives cause for one to take notice of the things we publicly and privately put in the demon category, along with the the things we put in the idol category.
Sleepover tonight, Gage, Poppa and I have been rocking the Wii and Xbox. Right now, I am listen to Gage read, Captain Underpants to poppa. I hear boy laughing and it makes me love the world. I will think about this again tomorrow but for now, there may be Some idolization going on over here but it is all good...
Posted by email@example.com at Sunday, February 20, 2011
I could spend most days getting ready for and then, hosting dinner parties with great conversation. That would be Nirvana for me. Last Thursday, President Obama got to wine and dine with the likes of Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerburg and the CEO's of Google, Oracle and a few more. My first thought was did Mark wear his favorite tshirt? but now, looks like her broke out the old jacket and tie.
Against the beautiful backdrop of San Francisco, and between the hours of 6 to 9pm, I imagine a Menu of Fabulous and conversation of the Most Delightful Kind. The mixture of having the palate and mind satisfied is as old as time. To break bread and share thoughts seems the ultimate to me. A friend and I talked about community dinner parties. Mixing people you would never imagine in the same room, no less, eating together. Eating with someone is a very intimate experience. Even more so, when you are at home. It is private, cozy - a place where manners are on display but so is a bit of a rush. Different ideas shared with each bite. Agreeing to disagree, while having a voice.
They look like they are having fun. Steve Jobs looks much better than the National Enquirers prediction that he has 6 weeks to live. They all live in the world of What Is Possible. The young and the old, coming together to share and learn. Makes me crazy just thinking about it. Would have gladly been a fly on the wall to just imagine the possibilities.
Maybe Someday, we might ressurect the Community Dinner Party plan. In the meantime, will live vicarously thru our president. Lucky duck...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Saturday, February 19, 2011
As I was on my way to pick up Miss M from school, fabulous music in the background and a prayer in my heart - I started thinking about all the prayers God has heard. Imaging the heartfelt prayers that were raised at Auschwitz. Prayers from mothers, searching for their babies. The world wars had their own prayers. For all, prayers of the safety for others and themselves. Prayers for a way out, a way around - not through. Think of all the different times of distress and the prayers that have been asked and answered. Mind boggling, at best.
It didn't take look for my prayers to turn to praise. For what I have, for what I have seen - even the ability to pray. For you, for me - we share this life together. Our bits and pieces with each other. I found myself praising for the sake of who He is and that was enough for me. Might sound strange but it was a glorious time and in the end, my prayer was answered in a way I never imagined. Today was a good day not because of a fabulous outcome but because I was once again reminded whose I am. That and Miss M and M decided independently that it was Pigtail Day. Thank you Jesus...
Posted by email@example.com at Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Life is a bunch of short Moments, both good and bad, strung together. We tend to always see it as a Big Picture but the truth is, Life is short. If tomorrow comes, we will add a new day's memories to our list of short Stories. A memory made in an instant. A banner strung with the many Stories of our lives. Short and sweet...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Tuesday, February 15, 2011
US Congressman Chris Lee. If his name doesn't seem familiar, you may have seen his photo. The half-dressed, shirtless man, holding a phone was the photo he sent to a woman on Craiglist. To make sure there was no misunderstanding, he emailed his incorrect age, incorrect marital status and a few other misnomers.
The photo hit the Internet at 233pm. By, 600pm, he had resigned from the House of Representatives. Less than four hours later, from hero to zero.
On a larger front, watching the fall of Egypt's president has been almost unbelievable. Starting on January 25, with a few college protesters and ending on February 11, with a 24 hours crazy time. The end of a 30 year reign, it becomes very evident that business as usual, in not usual.
Time is no longer an issue. There is no Place to hide, everything is invisible. It is almost hard to believe that in the case of the congressman, that he would not get that. Those who have chose the same path before him, surely he had seen the enviable outcome. Did he really think, he would be different? That he was invisible?
For Egypt, it took 18 days. Toppling a roots, deep regime in q short period of time that will re-write history. There was virtually no organization, no core, no leadership and with far less violence than one would imagine. Their voice came in the hundreds of thousands, chanting, waving with roots-deep commitment in their tone.
What does that mean for me and you? No one is invisible. It may appear that you are but you are not. Who you are deep, deep down - will come to the surface. Your root system will be evident at ground level. At your core where you live out your life, starts Somewhere else. A transparent place that is lived out in a very, solid way.
The invisible, made visable. It is for everyone of us. It is for today and tomorrow and all the days, after that. Living a visable life with invisible roots...
Posted by email@example.com at Monday, February 14, 2011
Everywhere you go for the last month, you have been bombarded by pink, red, and white hearts in everything from cookies to kitchen towels to cars. Kidnapped by Hallmark, Walmart and most everyone else - we are strong-armed into believing that roses, candy or a red deep fat fryer is what the object of our affection, wants.
It is difficult not to buy/feel guilty about VDay. Here's the thing - if you have a certain Someone in your life, great. Do what you have to do...but if you don't, go find some Love. We are each surrounded by it, we just don't recognize it. Love doesn't look any certain way. There are many different ways to love and be loved. Don't get stuck there. Celebrate tomorrow with the love you seek out. Don't wait for it to come to you, go find something to love. Person, place or thing. Your neighbor, a movie or Starbucks - we can all celebrate the love we do have together. Color outside the lines and love crazy good...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Sunday, February 13, 2011
We can all relate to this face... those Moments, we can't take back. Like erasing the memory card in your camera. Sending that email without thinking it through. Finding that smell in the car... groceries that never made it in the house.
We all have them. Those darn it, Times, where if we could just have had that 7 second delay like TV people do, we could make it all right but it doesn't work that way. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but learn to live with it.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. Miss M's face is perfect because what I didn't know until I got home was that my camera was on the wrong aperture for the whole day. I had forgotten to change it after Miss M's Valentine shoot. didn't check and shoot happily away, never crossing my mind that there was an issue. Should have know it was that kind of day because when I woke up this morning, checked the weather outside and realized we hadn't locked the front door, all three locks were wide open. Slept like a baby, think we were all safe and sound.
This is my face today but like most of life, I have to let it go. Laugh it off, and try again tomorrow. Another day, another shot at a OMG Moment. Like water off a duck's back, that is just how it is Sometimes...
Posted by email@example.com at Saturday, February 12, 2011
Today was Picture Day. Miss Katrina and Ian shared a wonderful idea for classroom Valentine's, so we decided to give it a try.
After many, many takes - we found one. It wasn't anything like what we were going for, what we thought we wanted. Miss M was a trooper but cold, windy weather and not being able to get the right shot, left all three of us, a bit worn out. On our lst attempt, I told DD to go through all the pictures, one more time and see if she could find one that would be useable. In less than a minute, Miss M had fallen asleep and we knew that what we had is what we had.
Welooked...and looked and finally, with new eyes found that going a different direction would have to be in the cards for us. With this in mind, we followed our hearts to this photo. Her energy, smile and the fabulous pose brought back new energy. In her left hand, there will be a lollipop threaded through her hand and with a few valentine doodles, everyone is happy.
When Miss M woke up from her nap, we were loading up our Valentine to Walgreens. We just had to see the Big Picture and follow our hearts. I think they will be perfect and to think we almost missed it because the Plan was in our way...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Wednesday, February 09, 2011
This is the prayer that I pray for each of my gkids every morning. I have taken and will continue to take liberties with this verse, for as long as I pray it.
It is a simple prayer. It is a statement and a belief. It is faith, mine for them and for theirs, as it grows in their life. We are both in different places. While I had no idea about God at their ages, I see that faith seems to come easier to a child. They make sense of Things that we Big People seem to struggle with.
It is a very specific prayer. It reminds me of a root system. What would be the point of praying for protection from the wind, if there was nothing to hold up a tree? There are lots of wonderful, important things to pray for but this, is mine to do for them. They know I pray for them everyday. That is all they need to know. I answer their questions the best I can when asked. If I don't know, I tell them that and get back to them with an answer.
Keaton and i were crusing books last weekend. He is always, always looking at books and this was the first time, he asked to go to the christian section. He read from a few books and made a choice. He had a hard time deciding between 2 of the books - I made it simple, we got them both. That is how we roll.
I don't care what they read or see or feel. If they understand john316 in any context, on any level, that will be enough for me. At their age, I had nothing. No roots, and believe me, every wind that came along - rocked my world. Enough to last a lifetime. Little dudes shouldn't have to live like that but they do. I know them, I understand. I've seen quite a bit. I know what is possible. For many years, that was my root system.
for you so loved me,
that you gave your son.
and now, my root system is deep in you by my own choosing, with all my heart.
so when the winds come,I will be held in strong,loving arms both now and forevermore
Not sure one could ask for more...
Posted by email@example.com at Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Preorder months ago, Saturday afternoon my book arrived in the mail and it was midnite when I settled in for a bit of reading and two hours later, all was right with the world. I knew the Story, I had spent months reading Pioneer Women's Story, blog post by blog post. She would leave you hanging but you had a piece of her that you carried around with you and shared with your friends. I knew the cast, and I knew the outcome, yet I couldn't put it down.
It is my favorite love Story, ever. I am no Ree and DH is no Marlboro Man, so while there may be a bit of longing, I wouldn't trade Stories with her. My wedding and reception Story may be publishing fodder with my atheist family and his latter day saints bunch. My uncle was going around trying to get money from everyone, I had no idea at the time. The evening ended after we left and my male relatives, well past drunk by now, decided they really did not like new husband and they tried to go after us and bring me back. Stepmother hid keys, and put an end to that plan. Could you write a book about one night? Oh my, imagine that.
Ree's Story will bring back those feelings of early love. The crazy kind that may look different to each of us but there is a familiarity that we can all identify with. You add her brother Mike, her sister Betsy, her wonderful soon-to-be MIL and you have a Story that rivals, Gone With The Wind. Rhett and Scarlett, McDreamy and Grey, and Popeye and Olive Oyl have nothing on Ree and Marlboro Man. Still, I wouldn't trade her places for all the money in the world. I wouldn't miss the life I have, or the people I have been giving to love but there is just Something about a great Love Story that makes most of us, just swoon and this is that kind of Story. Do yourself a favor, take a trip down BHTW lane...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Monday, February 07, 2011
The quote is from Maya Angelou. In theory, it should work. In theory, if you put forth the effort with husband, children - most anything, there should be a good outcome.
Every time this kid plays basketball, there is a whole team of Big People, cheering him and his brother and sister, on. They have the best support system I have ever seen. People have commented, over the years, at The Fam Club that follows them around.
We do it because we are crazy about them
and because we could do it, no other way...
There may be another lesson of Love that we are teaching them. One that we give little to no thought to - they may pass off this Love to their own children. I think about who they will marry, their kids and grand kids, alot. Praying for those I will never meet, those who these guys will Someday be responsible for. If our Love takes them Down that Path, it would just be icing on the proverbial cake.
We shout, we cheer, we hug, we give high fives. We live a cheerleader existence and, we wouldn't have it any other way. Go Sharks!
Posted by email@example.com at Sunday, February 06, 2011
I’ve decided I am too tired to wonder why God allows suffering. I’m too tired for a lot of things. I’ve gotten to the point where I will either give up religion all together, or cling to it like a buoy. 6yearmed.
Could not have said it better myself. Imagine that being a doctor, while as wonderful as it may be, at times - presents like a nightmare. The pain of accidental injuries, and many, more consistent with negligence and Things Far More Sinister.
There is one place that can make a huge difference in your life and that is the relationship between a father and his child. If it is a bad one, it will color everything, for the rest of your life. God, trust, authority figures, learning to become a woman - all colored by the lens you see your father. You learn to live with it but there is always that Lingering doubt.
You can learn to live with it.
You can learn to cope.
You do the best you can and you may find, you would still rather cling than flee
If you don't have the daddy handicap, you have the ability to fly and soar. I could not be more happy for my grandchildren that their father has given them the greatest gift a father can, a great sense of Love. They thrive under his Love and because of that, the idea of a loving God - seems so natural to them. I imagine that the cling or flee response is a bit easier for them. I hope I have learned something from Miss M and my favorite son in law. All dads aren't bad, I know that but it is not, my natural default.
If you aren't as lucky as Miss M, you will have to learn as I have, that God is not like your earthly father. That he is cut from a different kind of cloth and you are doing yourself a disservice, if you continue Down The Path. Cling or flee, the choice is always yours but make sure you use facts not emotions to make those choices...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Saturday, February 05, 2011
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. ~Henry David Thoreau
Picked up my girl from kindergarten today and had some Miss M time, and this exact theme was going on in my mind. Not word for word, but certainly heart to heart. After sharing our cottage cheese lunch and playing teacher, the idea to get ice cream kept coming back. She never asked, totally my idea but I realized that our days together are coming to a close with her kindergarten season and moving on to first all day grade.
I have enjoyed these special times with each of the kids. She is the last and with it, the close of another season for me. I know it has to happen and accept it with all I have but also, will live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
353 days until DH retires. The kids will be in school and another chapter will start. I don't know what it will look like, have been trying to imagine it but imagining is not for days like today.
Today was about talking about school as we drove home with the sun shining down,
Today was for sharing our lunch while watching our favorite TV show
Today was for ice cream and being together.
Suck the life out of every day, whatever that looks like to you and start the tomorrow with a new song. Why would we live any other way?
Posted by email@example.com at Wednesday, February 02, 2011
You know the drill. Postcard comes in the mail, directing you to a local dealer to fix something they found and couldn't shake, on your car.
I hate car dealers whether shopping for a auto or visiting their repair department. They look all the same. Uncomfortable areas with a TV, vending machines and outdated magazines. I came prepared both in mind and spirit. With Diet Coke, Shuffle, book and journal in hand, I headed to my appointed time with car destiny. After repeatedly explaining that I didn't want any of their additional services, I settled in for an hour and 1/2 wait. Can't help but imagine that there wouldn't be a shorter wait, had I opted for extra services. When I get my car back, there is no sign anything was done. We are at their mercy, you wonder if they might have done Something to force you to come back. Later that evening, DH asked, Did they fix it? I didn't even know what it was and I most certainly don't know if they fixed it.
Wish life had a recall system. Get a postcard in the mail, directing you to a dealer who specializes in whatever the problem is, you wait in the customer service department until it is fixed and you go home, happily ever after. The car business seems to have this recall thing pretty well thought out, now if it would only flow over into some other areas of my life, I would be a happy girl...
Posted by firstname.lastname@example.org at Tuesday, February 01, 2011