negotiation...





Negotiate (ni go/she at) to deal or bargain with another or others in the preparation of a treaty or contract. To bring about by discussion and settlement of terms. To move through, around or over in a satisfactory manner.

The art of negotiation is a complex one. With ourselves, with each other - we are uncomfortable during the process, relieved when it is over and not anxious to go thru it again. The reality of life is we should got thru the process more often than we do. In our relationships with others, time and circumstances take their toll and there are times, we need to step back and do a new deal.

I think marriages need negotiations regularly to keep their balance. We have to continue to make changes if we expect to grow. With our kids, we have to negotiate with our kids as they grow up - you can't treat a teen like you did when he was 5. Our relationships with others also need to be examined and dealt with - move, around or over in a satisfactory manner.

I am in the middle of one now. It hit me yesterday that this need to be done. Not a seperation or the ending a relationship but a serious look at negotiating a New Deal. One that I can understand and come to terms with. One that I can live with...

Peace is around the corner. We all have expectations and when those expectations are not met, trouble ensues. The deal is to stop banging your head again the wall and see how that is so not working. We all negotiate in our everyday lives, some are more difficult than others. Everytime we go through one, we get better at it. Our skills become sharper and our lives improve and we become better people.

I am hopeful. I think this is doable. I know it is necessary. Life is good - especially on Fridays...

seating arrangements...






In anticipation of hearing Brennan Manning tomorrow night, I have been plotting my seating arrangements. Being always the early one, there are documentented reports of people not wanting to go with me because of my early bird tendencies, a shortcoming that I find personally, very likable.

These are all my ideal perferences and while circumstances and people soemtimes get in my way, I find these the most condusive to almost perfection.

Movies - with movies. its all about being visual. Sound is now covered from anywhere you sit but especially in this venue, it is all about where you sit. Ideally, you want to sit where you are a little above dead center of the screen and directly in the middle. When you do get the Seat, the experience is unforgetable.

Music concert - nothing like front row, one seat to the right - just off center. Eric Clapton never sounded so good. Happy didn't begin to describe the experience.

Speaker - in hearing a speaker much like the music thing, the focus is on a single person of group. To be able to really listen to a speaker, you don't want to be as close as if you would to hear a song or see someone's hand strum a guitar. You need a little distance so 1/3 of the way from the stage - same position, one seat to the right-just off center is speaker nirvana.

Church - No doubt about it ...back row - left side. Unlike the single focus of being at a concert or hearing a author speak, the back row is where church is the best. From the back row, you are able to take in the Big Picture. It is as close to seeing what God sees as we ever get. My favorite part of church is the first note of the first song. We are all on the same page - we practice what we will one day know firsthand. As the singing continues, I scan the crowd and recall the Stories I know and pray that they have come this far. The preacher always sounds better from the back and the cool part is, you can give him hand gestures when needed.

It is not about being in front or getting a good seat - it is about knowing where you to be to get what you need. The same goes for God - you need to be where you can hear His Voice. You need to sit where you can pay attention - wherever that may be for you. Hold on to your seat, you may be in for an incredible ride...

influence...





Am told that 49 million people watch Oprah everyday. While not shy to share her opinion on lotions and her favorite cupcake, she has shyed away from outing her feelings on political candidates. So now that she has openly said her pick for the next president is Barack Obama - that is an endorsement of immense proportions. Then you have Jerry Farwell declaring Hillary Clinton as being the devil, incarnate. Pretty strong feelings, both ways. Both have sphreres of influence and obviously, not afraid to use them.

We all use our influence and sometimes, we do with with less than stellar motives. We want someone to think better or us someone else. Sometimes we want other to think less of someone. We purposefully use our influence - whether to sway to or from. I am guilty of both. After finding my new found faith - coming out of my atheist fog, I declared to my in-laws that they were going to hell because their beliefs didn't match my new-found ideology. With all my heart, I thought I was saving them by sharing my knowledge and that they were going to be overwhemingly grateful, when they recovered from the shock.

How would my life look if I had the ear of 49 million people? The power to influence that many people would be powerful. I can tell you there would be alot of digi scrappers cropping to the beat of Jesus. Standing in line at Walmart this week, the 30-something girl in front of me had a grocery cart full of Halloween decorations and 2 handfuls of Halloween scrapbooking supplies. I couldn't help myself - I whipped out my 4 x 4 album of my digi layouts and influenced her to Google when she got home. She had that Look - she was hooked and I polished my good girl badge.

Influence works best when we aren't aware. When we do it by attraction not deflecting. People are watching us constantly. It really is about who we are not what we said. Use it, don't abuse it ...

the Race...


There is a lot of Community in each of our lives but there is no doubt that most of life is singular. There are choices to be weighed, actions to be taken and decisions to be made. We are in a Race. We are the runner and as we run, we live. When we start looking around to see who is ahead of us and who is falling behind, we lose. It is not a Race against each other even though that is how we perceive most of life. It's not about who had the biggest house or most profitable 401K. It's not about whose kid is the smartest or most popular. It is not a race against each other. Its not about getting to the finish line first.

If we run the Race with all our heart and soul, we win
If we run the Race helping someone along the way, we win
If we run the Race at our own pace, we win.

My Race these days, is more about even keel than passing. Passing has always been my default, more bang for my buck - value. Always the hare and never the turtle, I realize how much I missed by running as fast as I can. If it is about going fast, we might as well pack it in at 25. While always the hare, I can temper that with perspective. I may never stop to smell the roses but I am learning to slow down and grab your hand...

unconditional Love ...




My daughter had a play date with a friend of hers last week and they got on the subject of her friend's mother who died last year. She has the same eating disorder that I have and she choked to death in the middle of the night. Her husband didn't hear her and found her the next morning. So, naturally, Brandi and I reviewed how careful I need to be. Steve is gone alot so by default, I am by myself quite a bit and am aware of the need to be aware. I can imagine what that family went thru. Annabel was Keaton's classmate last year and her mommy decided she could go to her grandma's funeral - they were very close. How difficult for a daughter to make that call.

Apparently there are some surgeries available now. Not sure of the details and I am not interested. I am not skinny so obviously, I am doing fine. I will not put my families finances in jeopardy to eat a cheeseburger again.

Keaton heard his mommy telling his daddy the whole story and he decided he wanted to get enough money to fix nana's throat so she could eat what we eat, and then, buy me a house next door to him. As Brandi told me what he said, I got weepy. Unconditional Love will do that to you.

So, yesterday I am telling my sister the Keaton Story and she whips out her wallet. It's not about the money or surgery - its about the Love.

To be surrounded by this kind of Love is the gift.
To be surrounded by this kind of Love is life changing.
To be surrounded by this kind of Love is the cheeseburger.

When told at Children's Church that God Loved him more than his parents, it made Keaton cry. He couldn't comprehend it and it made him sad. I don't think kids can comprehend it. Most Big people can't but for me, the love of these just lights the way for the Unconditional Love of Jesus. Maybe someday, I can give them what they have giving me. A sense of being overwhelmed by Love. Now that's something, I can't live without...

normal...

We all have an undefined sense of what Normal is to us. The thing about normal is that it is transparent and takes on the color of its environment. That is why normal looks so different to each of us. I can't tell you how many bizarre things I thought were normal because they were done over and over at my house - they came so naturally. Not until I went to a friends house in high school, did it even start to occur to me, that this was not typical family behavior. We have a joke in our family that we thought everyone's dad took his underwear in a paper bag on a date in case he got lucky. Those days are gone and we now have a more well-defined sense of how unnormal we were. But, normal has changed. I would have given anything to be raised by Donna Reed. She was so normal to me. Meals on the table, rules to be followed, chores to be done - sounded like heaven to me. The face of Normal has changed or at least evolved.

I tend not to think in terms of Normal. The balance of normal is not the right vehicle to use as a flotation device. I can't not hang on to normal nor treat is as a saving grace. These days, I am not sure now I would define being normal, having a normal family or a normal life. Normal is as individual now as it was then.

I talked to a friend this week who is battling cancer, who had a heart attack the day after he found out he had cancer. His life is anything but what his normal life was before this. His Normal for the next 8 months or so looks like chemo and radiation. Heard a Story yesterday of a girl Brandi's age who lost her mother last year to the same swallowing disorder that I have. Her life will never be normal again.

Maybe its not about being, having, searching for Normal. Its about being, having, searching for the One who makes sense of the normal and the abnormal. The fluidity of normal verses the solid Rock of Christ. I no longer try to make sense of what is or isn't normal, I just hold on the the Rock and when questioning what is going on around me, just hold on...

smile, you're on candid camera...



So I am waiting in the church parking lot for Brandi and Miss M. While mommy is at bible study, Miss M and I are going to spend a few hours shopping for shoes and babies dolls, both of which make her clap and squeal with delight at their mere mention. A lady pulls up next to me, grabs her stuff and heads into the church. I look over and see Lampshade Dog who finally settles in for a couple hours of alone time. Not to worry, it is a cold day and he appeared to be doing fine.

A few years ago, I decided it was just a good idea to carry a camera along. I have got some great impromtu shots of my gKids. I have only been asked a few times to not to take photos and I can live with that. There is usually a little sweet feeling when I grab my camera bag purse and whip that baby out. The feeling usually means a great shot is at hand. A new memory to be made. My new favorite.

At the park on 911 to take the shot of Miss M and Gage.
Last weekend as the kids headed for the playground.
Pulling off the road at sunset and taking that shot before its gone.

It's a different world, we have to think differently about things we have done a certain way forever. Cameras are now a part of our everyday lives. Everytime you head to a shopping mall or store, you have a better than great possibility of being videotaped while you are there, from the time you pull into the parking lot until the time you leave.

Creativity brings its own sense of good and bad with it. The digital camera has revolutionized the way we do business. Cruise YouTube or MySpace and you will see what I mean. We have to accept it all - we can't pick and choose how to use technology. Catching bad guys has been an unexpected benefit of technology and for me, the trade off is well worth any inconvenience to me. And besides, the world is a better place with a little photo of Lampshade Dog ...

bigger than life...

Steve had to go back to work and even though it was 1oPM, I wasn't tired. Usually wait for the local news to be over but last night I picked up the remote and started to cruise. I was crusing thru A&E on my way to MSNBC, I caught the beginning of Steve Irwin's memorial service. I remember the first time I saw him and immediately wondered what he had been like as a child. A character no doubt, way larger than life - his energy tired us just watching him. I am not a big animal person, another side effect of an undeveloped curosity but he dragged you in with his own sense of enthusiasm. The memorial was a wonderful blend of Steve. the Crocodile Hunter and Steve, the family man. Everyone dressses as he always was - a sea of khaki's and boots.

His young daughter came out and read from her paper with a big smile on her face - there was no breaking in her voice as she read, I have the best daddy. Have, not had. You could put that down to dealing with her grief but I don't think so. Can you imagine having someone like her dad in your life, day after day, seeing the world thru his eyes and sharing the energy and one day - he is gone? That energy that lead that family is gone and while they will make a new way, they will take His Way and make it theirs. What a legacy, what a Love.

As Bindi was talking about her dad, I could see her in 15 years in the same spot - for a different reason. She is standing there with her little girl and they are dedicating a new wing of the Austrailian Zoo to her dad. She talks about the last time she stood in this spot and how it affected her life. She talks about how her dad was bigger than life and she followed her dad's footsteps because she wanted to. She turns to her daughter and little Terri says, I have the best grandpa ever... Although little Terri never met Papa Steve but she didn't need to, to know she had the best grandpa ever. Her mother has taught her how much Love he brought and shared. She taught her daughter that being gone is not being alone. That Love crosses generations and leaves it precious self, anywhere it is nourished. Larger than life, living in a Shadow that can only bring nourishment and a sense of well-being... Be well, Bindi, you have much to look forward too,

diets...

( blogger issues - insert picture of seven year old boys running down a soccer field)

Diets...We are always running to and from them. If you have ever had a food issue, you know what I am saying. And the thing is, all diets that have you take in less calories than you use, work. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, South Beach - all of them. There is no Big secret here. Use more than you take it. The recipe is simple and every sound diet uses the same one. The trick is - to find the one that you will do. They all take effort on your part. What are you willing to do, what works for you and most importantly, what can you do on an everyday, constant basis?

Brandi was telling me about the family who all lost weight by eating dinner for breakfast. Guess it took some getting use to. Toughest part would be getting up at 5AM to make fried chicken and hamburger gravy. Have long heard the Whateveryoueatforbreakfastyouburnoff premise. Even if you didn't do a thing all day, the calories from breakfast are always burned off by the end of the day. So if you are gonna eat cake, eat it with your cereal. I mentioned this to DH and got an eye roll so guess we won't be implementing this at my house.

The other thing about diets is the consensus is - it is better to do it in groups. Maybe it is because AA has been so phenomenally successful, it only stands to reason sharing food issues would also. Depends on the person. While I did lose almost 100 pounds 25 years ago at WW, I did skip meetings and would just go for weekly weigh-ins about 1/2 the time. Disillusioned after the first month, it was Thankgiving Week and there was 3 pounds lost in the whole class and 2 3/4 of them, were mine. I had taken it so seriously that I felt uncomfortable and alone. After that, I realized that if this was going to work, I was pretty much on my own.

And of course, life imitates life and I still find myself just checking in and not going to the Meetings. Always the introvert, in the end - we still need to connect on some level. Whether sharing diet tips or life's up and downs, we shouldn't always do it alone. There is always a Place to go. Not Someone to do it for you, but to encourage you along your way. Find what works for you and stick with it. Gotta go - the kitchen timer is going off, looks like dinner is done...

spotlight...


I tend to be a spotlight person. I focus on one thing and everything else is pretty much a little fuzzy in the background. Whatever is screaming the loudest is where I will naturally go. On Monday, my focus was completely on remembering 911. No matter what I did that day, that focus was never far from my emotional sight. I am able to function just fine in the Real World but just have an overall sense of what my focus is and how it affects what I do.

I run my whole life pretty much the same way. I don't know if it is normal or not - I gave up on normal a long time ago when I realized most people don't think like I do - and have chosen to exchange normal for healthy. Ok, we won't go there now except to say that my one piece of Happy Chocolate a day rule is not going as well as I had hoped for. As of this morning, I am way into next week - focus...

Tomorrow my sister is having surgery it will be about Hospital Time and trying to be take care of her but today, it is about play. I haven't seen my babies all week and I am leaving soon for a shopping trip to Cabela's. No, I am not a hunting girl but I have a little four year old who has been begging all week for someone to take him and today, that is my focus. He doesn't ask for much - he is the middle child and knows that drill so we go on dates by ourselves and do things he likes to do and he is in awe of having someone's complete attention. You can see it on his face, the surprise of doing what he wants to do. It will be mommy, Miss M and nana today. He will be the only boy and we will stay at the Hunting Store as long as he wants. Until his focus wears out.

I am always aware while in the middle of a focus of the background. Just like Windows is always running in the background of my computer - there is always more than meets the proverbial eye. My background is Christ and my focus is being in the moment. The spotlight shines on the focus but my personal spotlight is always on Him. He is always present, always. I can't out run Him, or out think Him or out love Him. Not having to think about all the outs I can't do anyway, allows me to focus on what I can do. And today, I can make a little boy's day and I fully intend to...