What do I know. Day in and day out. If I were to define know, it includes doubt and fear. Even for this black and white one, nothing human is 100%. We come with built in doubt. We come with fear of our own and others making. We are passionate and that alone brings its own set of challenges. Anything that produces a emotional high, runs the risk of being trouble. We are at best, imperfect people. At our worst, the unthinkable. We all carry the ability to feel passion but there definitely is a scale. Some of us feel it occasionally, like our favorite song or movie. And some of us feel in everyday in most everything. This week, this song came to mind and has not left.I know that my redeemer lives. The Steve Green version on the Young Messiah album. Most certainly doubts and fears wrapped into this know and yet, it holds firm. All week, everyday, it would keep coming back over and over. Then this photo yesterday as I just listened to the kids in Keaton's bedroom which is the Cheers of our lives. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name...
Gage's face and I know are different sides of the same coin. Reminded immediately that life is full of pieces and if you spend a little time paying attention, it will be worth it. These times are my favorites. My camera just takes over and more importantly, they allow me in. What an honor. What a life.
While we wait for the grad festivities to start, we are sitting in the parking lot of Joe's Crab Shack. Lamenting the concept that we were 24 hours too early to the free crab party. Then it hits me, this would be the same wall that would tease me the next day. And the next. And the next. We are chasing a ghost. The ghost of free. The ghost of something for nothing. The ghost of a truly empty shell. Pretty smart guys. Hard to believe they are going out of business. Certainly not for a lack of creativity, this is brilliant. We might always be tempted to come back tomorrow for the free crab but will do so with a smile and and bit more of smarts.
There is little doubt on what will be the highlight for our family this month. We did all the pomp and circumstance last night, nothing left to do but party. In four years, we will do it again. Another 2 years and the Smith High School grad commencement tour will be over. Started gathering photos for both future honorees today. So many memories packed into a very short time. While looking for baby photos today, I found the grad announcement of my friend's grandson who now plays in the NFL. Gage reminded me I have four more years to take photos of him, sounded a bit like a better pace yourself nudge. We all remember our high school graduation. So many hopes and dreams, filled with worry and doubt. My advice to my Class of 2017 grown up love has been to find his pace and place. It will take a while to find his place, where he belongs and believes in himself but he also has only his own timetable. There is much evidence that most of us are rushed into paces that are not ours, in places we have no business being in. My encouragement to him will always follow his lead not the other way around. He truly is the captain now. I am the passenger with pom poms, cheering the Captain on. I could not be more proud, nor could I love him more. Keaton, go find your way, your pace with all the knowledge and experiences to guide you. I will be within reach if you need anything. In the words of your fabulous father, make good choices. Congratulations Love.
Forsake is defined as the promise not to desert or abandon. Not to leave, nor to turn your back on. That doesn't mean to take away all the things that hurt. We all know Stories of pain that we could not imagine living through. Grief that is unimaginable. There is no beauty in pain, there is all kinds of crazy beauty in knowing you are not in a state of being forsaken.
Moving forward, Easter, Miss M's 12 th Birthday, the first anniversary of my sister's passing and immersion in S Town. My April so far, has been chocked full. STown. Last month when Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance was announced as April's book club selection, S Town was not even on my radar. I am now on my third time through the 7 chapter podcast. Completely submerged in a culture I know nothing about yet there are similarities that have brought me to tears. I heard something today that I had not noticed the first 2 times. It's is on the back mental burner, waiting to be processed. Maybe May.
That was some weird s**t. Overheard at 2017 inauguration, via George W Bush. Wow. And here some 70 some days later, I feel exactly the same way. No matter what side of the political fence you attach yourself to, you could admit we have seen some of what President Bush is referring too. For some of us, it is painful. I am at the point where the people of the boy who called wolf, found themselves. We all have relatives that we dismiss because they have proven more than once, that they can not be trusted either by word or deed. I hope I fact check more than not before opening my big mouth. Like it or not, I have a desire to let the facts fall where they may. Let's face it, for many reasons we can not be totally truthful. The truthfulness of hairdos could bring down an entire country. So we continue to knit our days and say our prayers, all the while knowing President Bush was right about at least one thing.
Do you dish out kindness on a scale? More for some, less for others? Should kindness just be, with no thought to degree?
Adolfo Hitler was the adult conversations of my childhood. My maternal grandmother who lived through his reign would defend him aggressively to my father who came to Germany toward the end of WW2. Her husband had trained boxers for the SS, my father stayed in German for an extra four year duty to marry my mother, bring her to the States and leave her in Michigan with his parents. It was a long, long four years. She didn't speak English and everyone including my grandparents, hated Germans.
We all have defining Moments. Some are personal to each of us and become markers in our lives. We choose them by emotion and they will last a lifetime. Others are assigned to us by behavior and also last a lifetime. And longer. Presidents have legacies that follow them to the grave. Good and bad. We are witnessing our newest president firmly establish his first defining act. Russia will forever be associated with this president. It is his Benghazi, his Watergate, his Marilyn Monroe. No matter how this all plays out, his history has been cemented in his first 6 weeks of service. 
One is doing homework, the other one is taking a drama Master Class with Kevin Spacey. One thing that should be a part of our everyday lives is the idea that we are always a student. Whether actually taking a class or having coffee with a friend, we need to be open to learning. Doesn't have to be fancy, pen and paper or the Notes app on your phone. My class of choice right now, is my file of social media screenshots. Quotes from Twitter, talks from Ted, and ideas new to my little brain, all get a place at my mindful table. They define the way I learn, which defines the way I act and think. I always imagine myself walking around with an imaginary backpack, ready to learn. Ready to sit at someone's feet, ready to put aside what I know to inherit more. There is a mindset to one who is teachable. May it always be this way for them, I pray.
Vicente Fox who served as President of Mexico from 2000 to 2006, is becoming my muse. Even though no longer in office, his threats appear, to carry some serious weight. This one made me giggle. Whether because he used the f word in such an accurate way or because the pressure is getting to me, #...ingWall is where I stand right now. I have always said that the use of a naughty word is only bad if it is not used properly. These days tha f word is flown like a flag, it is all over the place without form or function. Mr Fox gives a voice to what I am feeling with an intensity reserved for very few issues. Lots of promises were made but our new president is discovering that running a business is very different from running a country. There are checks and balances, and there are consequences. Whatever the days to come bring, we are finding there are new ways of protesting, voices that talk back and everyone is watching. And talking. And completely ready, to go.
There are certain beliefs that start when you are young, that slowly mature or fade away. These are the Big Ones, the beliefs that shape who you become because your actions are based on them. There is also a Plan B category that backs up, accessorizes and ultimately, influences those choices. 
Focus. Do not worry about what the other guy is doing. It is not yours to know or expect or do. You are number three. That is all you have to have to ponder. Number 3 stuff. Your journey, your words, your life. You are the sum of your experiences and you will act on how you perceive those experiences. 
No matter your political slant, the last 7 days have introduced some new crazy chaos in each of our lives. The White House web page was redesigned with some significant exclusions and a new tone was set. In less than 6 hours, our government changed and I felt, we were just along for the ride. Regardless of which team you bat for, you were about to witness and experience a whole new set of feels. If we had gone from Trump to Obama, there would have been the same reactionary feels. The addition of social media is making this time even more subject to the revolutionary pull. My husband gets breaking news alerts on his phone and it goes off constantly. I realized last night that this new normal is just that. I will have to change my perception to survive it. I am choosing to leave doom and gloom behind. Do what I know to do is right. When it comes right down to it, that is all I can do. Be the best me I can be. Stand up for what is good, regardless of who is in the White House. Like the AA creed. Serenity to accept, courage to change and most importantly, wisdom to know the difference. My hope is to start a new period of serenity, courage and wisdom, and going where it leads me. That is where I want to put my heart. My Hope. My Life.
Hygge. It is a Danish term that translate to our English, cozy. A state of being where all psychological needs are met. Like a big hug. A roaring fire with a good book and a warm cup of cocoa. For women, sounds like the nesting thing we all like to do. It must be hygge that makes me want to buy every cable-knit blanket that crosses my path. I have had so many snow days that I am preferring them to Real Life. As long as the Diet Coke and almond milk are flowing, staying in is fine with me. We have all had too much hygge this winter, time to mix it up. Won't be easy, will be like pulling teeth. The snow has taken its toll. I have cried uncle enough for several winters. I have other fish to fry. Must gear up for this one.
An interview with a group of women who voted for Donald Trump almost 3 months ago, the conversation focused on how they see their candidate now. They had all voted for President Obama before. Twice. I wanted to know how these seemingly smart, thinking women could vote for a candidate for the highest position in the land with the outward appearance of being, and I will roll all his perceived characteristics in one, a doofus. I wanted to ask them how do see what he is showing you and expect him to morph into a game changer? How does one go from Obama to Trump? What does that path look like? We are now coming to understand that the Hillary affect did not resemble the model put forth. She had more problems than she could shake a stick at and being a woman was the least of them. Yet what these ladies said, made perfect sense. They did not like the way Trump presented himself. They did not like his rants and raves, tweets and obnoxious actions but they put ALL of that aside, for the perceived change that he promised to bring. They did not blindly disbelieve Trump poor and bullying ways, they just decided that the promise of change trumped his character. This is a real game changer. It speaks to our overall feeling of frustration. That we will forsake proven character for disproven change. Bravo to these ladies for explaining the why to where we find ourselves today. It has also made me check my belief system and with respect to these women, no change is worth letting the bully be in charge. The changes a bully, brings are no greater than himself. I need to remember this in every area of my life. Don't give in, do not roll over. Do not let the bully act out what he has already revealed about himself in your life. You have come too far. Be proud and never give up on what you know to be true, let the promises of man parade by. Bullies gonna bully, we can choose to search for higher ground.
Peace. The ideology is part of every culture. Something to achieve. Something to negotiate, somewhere to compromise. It is not Something that is achievable in the human realm. There will not be true peace this side of heaven. Just look to Genesis. It did not take long for peace to end and murder to begin