The giving tree...

Pray for Anthony, said the tag that was handed to me by my girl. We were at the Christmas Giving tree at her church, where you pick an item to gift someone for Christmas. Her husband had seen it, gave it to her and she handed it directly to me. Is this for me?, I asked. Yes, she said.

Pray for Anthony was the Christmas request. Nothing else. No toy, lotion, bathrobe or book. Just pray. I know why my girl gave it to me, who has more time than I? Not many.

Then, I took a glance at the tree. About a foot from the top, no other tags around it and seeming to have a halo-like glow, was my ornament. Cleaning supplies, it said. There is was all by itself, no completion what so ever. In the midst of Target gift cards, and tires was this one. This was the last week to take an ornament, yet this one was still there. Not the most exciting gift to give but for whatever reason, it seemed to be waiting.

I now have a Christmas bag, filled with cleaners, cloths and sponges, ready to go. oh, and a bucket. Everybody needs a bucket.

Merry Christmas F#2, may your days be merry and bright this year...

Dear Affordable Care Act,

Thank you for your interest in me. After multiple attempts, I gave up trying to contact you. In the first month, I was told by a professional that I could fill out a 160 page written application and that after further review, you would process it. I decided that was 1 week of my life that I couldn't get back and I exited.

Two months later, I tried again. This time with a navigator. She was all of 12 or 13, barely out of high school, high energy and we whipped through that application like no one's business. In the end, it seemed like I might be one step closer to not being homeless if I broke a leg. I was overjoyed. When I got home, I realized I had forgotten to add in some new income and I went back into my now-completed cases and tried to change edit my Life Change, like little Miss Tech had showed me. The error message I got said to check back next month to make a change. This didn't seem right so I decided to call in the Big Guns and get a live operator to help me. She told me I would have to delete that application, that no changes could be made and start a new one. She walked me through the deletion process. It didn't work. Neither did it work when she tried to delete it, or her supervisor. Finally, they told me to just start a new application and when Blue Cross called to finalize the paperwork, to tell them no. I was told that lots of people have four or five open apps, it would be fine.

So 45 minutes later, new application is done and the changes made, time to look at my options. To keep me from paying a $95 or 1%, which ever is most, it was going to cost me $2613 dollars to avoid the penalty tax. On top of that it would cost me $5513 before you would consider paying any submitted bills. The good news is that after paying $11,313 for the year, I would have met my maximum out of pocket copay.

I am sorry, ACA. I can't afford your less than generous offer. No way in hell.

It does worry me that there is a completed application out there Somewhere with my name on it but one thing I know for sure. With no credit card information and my 3 digit code, That baby is going anywhere. Sincerely, Zalaine

Third week of Advent, Joy...

Joy, a feeling of extreme happiness or cheerfulness, especially related to the acquisition or expectation of something good.

So, by definition, one doesn't have to have said item/feeling/guarantee but only a thought, or expectation of said, joy bringer. The difference between happy and joy, is bigger than it would seem at first glance. Joy is always, happy is temporary. Happy is an emotion, joy is a process. Learning the difference between the two, changes who we are, at our very core.

I Peter 5:10 says, And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. Those words bring joy to one who is able to receive them.

For 28 Christmas's, Jesus was not, the Reason For The Season. He was nowhere to be found. I was more than fine with that. Santa was my rock, my source of happiness and he did a mighty fine job. I might have described it as joy but in the true sense, it wasn't the love or gifts of Santa that brought joy. In the 34 Christmas's after that, Santa was still there but it was the first time I recognized the difference between happy and joy. I had a hard time separating the two and incorporating them both into my life but with years comes the experience of understanding you don't have to figure everything out. Just be.

It is joy that makes it possible.
It is the joy that keeps us hanging on.
It is quite simply, the promise of Christmas...

Sandy Hook...

Already a mental image comes into your head. I remember I felt physically ill when I realized the scope of Sandy Hook and Newtown. While I will not pretend to have an idea whatsoever, of what these parents and families have gone through, I can ache with them.

They want no ceremony tomorrow. They have asked residents to put a single candle in the window. While many will be trying to make up for having a week less to Christmas shop, these people, will never have that issue in the lives, ever again. So we and the media will respect their wishes. A candle in the window and a hope for us. For the world around us, for what is to come. There have been 172 children, under 12, killed by gunfire since Sandy Hook.

172.

I am not sure we can do a better job of protecting our children, over 50% of those 172, were killed by someone they knew. Will this ever change with or without legislation, has yet to be seen.

Sandy Hook, we stand with you tomorrow. I pray for you and what you have had to bear and the empty chairs and years ahead of you. We will light our candles and think of you. May God our himself over all of you, more than you can handle. Covering each and every one of your hurts that this side of heaven, will be your legacy. Bless your all...

change...

I am not ready for snow and I am most certainly not ready for -10 weather.

Look at the calendar, two more weeks before winter starts. Can't you read????

It really hasn't got anything to do with the calendar, deep down I know that but is feels so wrong. We all sing, I Am Dreaming of a White Christmas but I mean, for that day. Change is a cruel yet part of the design, master. I need to see that change is necessary, like Coach Pete talked about today. I don't exactly know why but when I heard he was leaving Boise State, I was sick to my stomach. AS it became real, I still find myself, up in arms with my emotions.

But he is right. Whether we like it or not. Maybe instead of fighting change, I might try to see the good that may come out of it. Whether for Boise State and all of us that bleed blue or the snow, time to embrace the daily Big and little changes that come our way. Made myself go out in 9 degree weather and take pictures of the snow, right from my driveway. Didn't even put a coat on and I got a shot of this guy. At the end of fall, comes Old Man Winter. He asks no permission and offers no apologies. I would do well to take a few lessons...

The second week of Advent...

has to do with Preparation.

Women spend most of their lives, preparing for one thing after another. Mostly, we have it down to a fine science. We know what we need to do for our families and spend many hours, sometimes many, many hours, getting ready. We may not get it all done, but we will die trying.

The preparation of Advent is about opening your heart, making yourself vulnerable to the real meaning of Christmas. That kind of prep takes more of us. Our time, our efforts, and our ability to Color Outside the Lines. It is about allowing the spirit of the season to take hold of your heart and make you new.

I am on a Buy/Sell/trade site. One girl posted tonight that her cousin who has four children, had her heater go out and needed help. The fire department said to get a hold of her landlord, make him pay for a motel for her and her kids. They tried, he would not answer the phone. It is past 10 pm and the temperature is headed for very low temps. Many posts later, a woman volunteered her H&A husband to come out, see if he could fix what the firemen said was broken and worry about billing later. She has a new baby and starts a new job tomorrow. With any lucky, she will have heat soon.

There are many different ways to be prepared. Sometimes, it means you are ready to go, on a moments notice. Sometimes it means, you are willing to take a chance. Whatever this Advent season looks like to you and however you are prepared, may the One who made you...bless you.

...

Hope, the first week of Advent.
Hope is what keeps us, pressing on. Hope shines even in the dark. As long as we have a sense of hope, nothing can touch us. We need hope just like we need air to breathe. Never, ever give up. We can get push down, shaken to our core, bent and bruised but hope should never elude us as long as we live and breathe. Wherever your hope is today, take it up a notch. Put it up with your Christmas decorations. Looks at it often and remember what it means. To try once more, to give of yourself, to put one foot in front on the other, that is hope and that is what it looks like. No heroes, just those who refuse to give up. You are that strong, it is in all of us, Go find and claim yours

Dear 62,

You are officially, now here. Unofficially, you and I have been trading spit for a few months. Jumping through all the SS hoops but maybe more importantly, getting ready mentally. It is hard to wrap my brain around the fact that there are more years behind me than in front of me. You are much better than your cousin, 60 was. She was a killer and would not even meet me halfway. Her way or the highway ,was how she put it.

You are a kinder, gentler soul. You are making the day a bit brighter. Dare I say I have learned a few things, or maybe just decided they were true or worth looking into. God is more of who he says he is, I can see more and more of His touch. His promise isn't to make all the bad go away, but walk with him. Coming to Him later in life, I somehow picked up the idea that he would take care of it all the Bad Stuff and by that I mean, make it go away. Silly girl, he never promised that. I was following the wrong trail, going down the rabbit hole.

Look forward to my year with you. You are a swell gal, starting today - it is you and me, Girl...Love zalaine

Word...

She read this from a little piece of yellow pad paper. She had come across her Path and she just wanted to share.

The Story of every Christian is the story of a powerful intervention by a gracious God.
The Christian Story is not a Story of moral self-improvement or mental discipline or the cultivation of religious habits or tasks.
We are not saved by the quality of our character or the purity of our devotion or the frequency of our confession or the diligence grace of our charity.
No, we were dead. And God made us alive...

I asked if I could keep the piece of paper. Not only strong words but it was written in her all too familiar handwriting. I have read several time a day since I got it, and it reminds me each time, that I am loved. Period...

Hardwired, we all come with Something. Whether the color of your eyes, or the texture of your hair - there are some things about us that do not change with experience or environment.
The rest is up for grabs. The rest is the hard part. The rest will be with you for all your days. This side of Heaven, we will struggle, cry, scream, deny, and we will be changed. Sometime of our own choosing, and sometime, not. We get to choose two we react, we get to choose if want to continue on. Gratitude brings that small voice who would have one give up, say no. I am going no further. Gratitude forces us to look at the Big Picture. It is a picture filled with hope, and love, and even more. Look around today for yours, it is there for the asking. It is worth it, and then some...

Life in the fast lane...

This year, it feels like I am being dragged by the skin of my teeth. There seems to be a big push to get to Christmas, it feels like it has been going on since October. Not a fan.

I am still in my fall mode, the colors are at the end of their season yet I got this gem today. The sun was shining and felt warm on my back as I shot up to the sky. The yellow, blue and red Moment was there for the taking and I most certainly did. Christmas has been on the retail shelves, right along Halloween and Thanksgiving, to where I almost don't notice it. It is already in full bloom. We are now shopping on Thanksgiving Day, no time to digest our turkey. They say that Black Friday may be a thing of the past. The cashier at Walmart told me when she asked her mom about Thanksgiving plans she told her, she was going shopping so they are doing their own thing. Sad, isn't it?

I don't like being shoved and pushed.
I don't like being told when and where.
I can't imagine tripping over Thanksgiving to get to Christmas.
Not now, not ever...

Thankfulness journey 2013...

Part of learning to be available and fluid, is you never know where it is going to lead you. I had an idea of what I wanted my 30 days of Thankfulness to look like this year, but we have gone completely off my chartered course.

This year, I am no posting my daily thoughts on what I am thankful for one any particular day. This year, I am keeping it close to the vest. Not sure why, but some years are like that. This one is leading me to take photos and to study them. Several had brought me to my knees. The detail, the single focus seem to be the theme. To see what I see, and not always looking to what is ahead. It is all about the photos this year and if you know me, I really am not much of a landscape photographer. I prefer people, people doing things and not looking at me. The whole street photo thing but this year, the leaves and the buds, are speaking to me. I am going to go with the flow, travel down its highway with all the dips, turns and wherever it takes me. I have the time, I have the ability and I am, the least bit curious...

creative traffic jam...

The location that we chose to take DD and her friend's family photos needed a traffic light, last Sunday. Touted by the weather liars as the last nice day this year, and since, having had two more, we all ran out with clients and family, to get the deed done. It seemed no matter where you stood, someday else's face was in your photo. At times, I was back to back, with another photographer. More than a few shots, have extra people in them.

This artist and her friend were there at the beginning but them I lost track of them. I imagine they might have been a bit more irritated with all of us and were just looking for some peace and quiet to do their thing. They were in a prime location, by the water and maybe, they felt the pressure. We, creative types are a bit fickle. When want what we want, when we want it. Maybe you don't have to be creative to feel that way, perhaps it is common to all of us. We tried to be polite, and stay out of other's photos. One gal set up shop and had clients, coming and going. The rest of us, just winged it.

We would later move to another location. This time, we had to share the space with fishermen. We never saw any actual people until the end so the only obstacles was shooting around vehicles. I think we got what we needed. After a couple of hours, we were ready for ice cream. Creative or not, you got to know when to fold em...

if you just smile...

Smile though your heart is breaking
Smile even though it's aching
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile


That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

Most of us can only handle one thing at a time. We are a single focused people and when we have to multi focus, we tend to get frustrated and sometimes, find ourselves in trouble.
You can't tell from this picture if it was taking out in the beautiful Idaho wilderness or in a row of trees in a subdivision. This is how we see.
The One who made us, sees it all. The subdivision ( yes it was in a subdivision), the city, the town, the country and past. We see a little portion and base the many decisions we make everyday on that myopic view.
We weren't meant to see it all.
We were meant to trust in Something bigger than ourselves.
Enjoy your view, and trust in Him...

basketball...

No longer in Upward basketball, no more prayers before a game. No more everybody play nice, this is Big Boy basketball and he is ready. Twice the practice time and games last much longer. The civility is gone and just like Real Life, it is time to step up.

Boy, they play rougher. Kids are bigger and now, there is a real score. Somebody wins and somebody loses, just like Real Life.

He loves it. He is fast. He knows that some of the kids are bigger but he most certainly understands that fast can overcome, tall. There were harder hits, the rules make for tougher ball. Us moms cringe with every boo boo, the men don't even blink an eye.

The only kid on either team with long hair, he is easy to spot but hard to keep track of. He is growing up. Heading for 12 but is much, more mature for his age. He is our light, he brings sports to all of our attention and he is ready to go so we are going to hold on and go with him. This boy, has grabbed all of our hearts and run away with them.

When someone had thrown the ball out of bounds, he marched up to the ref right before us and said, I traveled. No whistle was blown, no one knew except him. The ref thanked him for his honesty and there were a few parents around us that caught on too. One big burly day, said that was cool. Their reaction tells me that this doesn't happen a lot. I am sure it doesn't but they haven't met Gage and in about 8 games, it will be obvious to all that this is some kind of kid. Is there a place for him in Real Life basketball, you better believe it. Watch out, here he comes!...

Thankful for the things that didn't happen...

Sometimes, I am thankful for the things that didn't happen in my life. Often I thank God that I was not a young widow, trying to raise a child on my own. Things that can no longer happen, life's bullets dodged. I will never experience the pain of having a still born child, that will never be asked of me. As the years go by, the list gets longer and longer. I have been given the life I have and as the years go by, I understand more and more, I wouldn't trade with anyone else in the world...

Thankful 2013...

I loved doing the Thankful journey for the month of November last year, that I am doing it again. Before things get cray, cray and retailers have visions of my dollar signs and how to get them, dancing in their heads, I want to remember to be more thankful. I want gratitude to flow as easily from my brain. to be aware of every Moment.

Will be keeping a digital journal, filled with photos of fall, as many as I can get, mixed with the Stories that come my way. They are both already, stating to stack up. Found this new place to shoot family photos and the light could not be more magical that it was this weekend. We are playing Beat The Clock, trying to get my SIL's shed built before the snow flies and it started flying on Sunday. The boys also had an hour less of daylight as we left Daylight Savings Time. It is crunch time, indeed.

Going to shake it up a bit this year. Being thankful is about understand that not only what you have but maybe, what you don't have. We tend to put everything we think in one of two categories, good or bad and we leave them there. The truth is, they can go back and forth. I know, coming from Miss Black and White, that sounds unauthentic. Sometimes, we learn what not to do and there can be extreme gratefulness in that lesson. I seem to understand and comprehend better but learning the pitfalls, and changing course. The tendency to be grateful for only the good, seems a bit short sighted and I am going to be open to exploring that this year.

This was Friday's entry,

Chocolate comes from cocoa,
which is a tree.

That makes it a plant.

Chocolate is salad.

It is day four and I am learning every day. Where each thankfulness morsel will come from, and will I catch them all. Probably not but I am good with the knowledge that I will get what I see. All I have to do is keep my eyes open...

YOLO...

A comedian on Bob and Tom yesterday talked about something that will ring true for most of us. To paraphrase, You do something that is good for you but then you take it too far and run it into the ground, and it turns horribly bad for you..


Does the animal world do this too or are we special? Most of us could take something, anything good and turn it into one the biggest disasters, ever. Heard about a new web site yesterday where you post selfies from funerals you attend. There was a teenage boy who selfied himself with his dead grandmother in her casket in the background. Didn't see the caption but it is not too far of a stretch to imagine there was something about granny photobombing his selfie.

YOLO. You only live once. We act like this a lot. We make purchases, decide relationships and live in the YOLO world. Not specific to any gender, or generation, nothing seems to be lefted undone. Nothing.

Had to laugh last night. DH called while we were out trick or treating last night and talked to my SIL. After telling Papa that nobody needed anything from the store, SIL told her to be safe and make good choices. It is Something that is stressed at their house and I think should be mandatory in every household.

Make good choices, YOLO...

mixing it up...

One of my most favorite mobile apps is Image Blender. You take two photos, the app does the blending but you get to decide how much of each photo shines through. Easy peasy. Just like Real Life, said no one ever.

Gage and the BSU Broncos was an easy pick. I call it, You can't take the football out of the boy. They are peanut butter and chocolate. Perfect together.

Stevie and the trees were a bit more technical. The photo of the trees was shot up, from the ground to the sky. How this photo blended so well with the beach and man, was pure accident. It is one of my favorites.

Now if only there were an app for Real Life. Image Blender for your life, give us your people, issues, problems and we will melt them together. Like they belong, and have always been this way. But alas, we all know this won't happen, isn't possible and most likely, we humans would find a way to mess this up too. Sometimes we want Something so badly, we would sell our souls to get it. Relationship that aren't working, marriages on the rocks, kids fighting and on and on. We will go one the way we always have, and hopefully, get better at it. No guarantees, no recipe for mixing all the things in our lives that we wish would just blend already. It is part of growing up, and there is always Room for that in all of our lives...