awareness...

this is the day that God has made. psalm 118

really-this day? the one with wars and poverty and divorce and addiction and betrayal? this one?

yes, this one.

this one because there’s a difference between analysis and awareness.

analysis pulls things apart, looks for cracks in logic, points out the inconsistencies.

analysis needs things to make sense.

there’s nothing wrong with analysis, of course, it’s often vital to our survival and thriving. but if we stay there, in that mode and that mode only, we can easily find ourselves stepping back with arms folded, pointing out all that’s wrong with this day and all the ways it falls short and all of the evidence for why this particular day doesn’t appear to be the kind of day that God would make-all while this day passes us by.

(this is very easy to do, by the way. it’s why cynicism is so popular. it’s easy.)

but in this psalm-the one that says that this is the day that God has made- this psalm isn’t first and foremost about analysis, it’s about awareness.

and the difference is massive.

awareness doesn’t ignore or gloss over the very real questions and pains of this day, it transcends all of that analysis with the very straight forward acknowledgement that whatever this day is, it’s a gift to be embraced and engaged and maybe even enjoyed.

this day maybe be rough and bloody and heartbreaking but it is here and it is now and it is bursting with untold potential and possibility and our response to it is of utmost, urgent importance.
Rob Bell.



Yesterday brough shock to the digi community, one of their own passed away. Many of my sisters were caught off guard and the day was spent in many, many I Can't Believe it Moments, grief shared. While I did not know her personally, the love her friends have lavashed on her, is ummistakeable. One can't help but grieve, for the one loss but for themselves too. To know how quickly, life can be taken away. We need to be jolted into remembering this and sometimes, nothing short of a grief, will take us there. It is about today and it is about awareness. As I prayed for this precious soul I thank God that she got to meet her her twin grandbabies that were born last year. I thanked Him for making her illness short and hopefully, as painfree as possible.

For the first time in over 8 months, I forgot my iPod when I went to the Rec Center. I decided to go without. It was tough. I heard all the sounds that normally don't even cross my radar. It was tougher to pray. To pay attention, my mind wandered farther and farther. I forgot about today and the gift it is. Too much analynis and not enough awareness...

flu...

True story... My friend gets the bad flu that is going around. She is sick for days. Starts to feel better, go's to her husbann's school to help with a fund raiser. One of the events involves kissing a goat.

She does.

Less than a hour later, the goat is dead. Enough said, be careful out there. It's a jungle...

Bose or Dr Dre...

We had a sleepover last week and most of the time, we were gone. These single child events are based on their personal immediate need. They get to pick where and what we eat... and, what we do. This time it was Gage's turn. The food choice was Golder Corral and the search was on for the perfect set of earphones.

It was a two day event, broken up by a movie and then the next day, playing Soltaire at Flying M. Even then, the whole earphone thing wasn't far from our minds.

We are not talking $20 earphones, we were running with the Big Dogs. Dr Dre's tapped out at $250, the Bose at $350. All three of us are earphone snobs and each have a difference of opinion. It is not that we hear everything the same and just decide which ones are the coolest, it really is about the noise. The Dr Dre's, IMHO, have more bass and sound a bit tinny. To Gage, there was nothing better. Color and style did play into it for him. The Bose are nothing to look at but the sound, that wonderful, wonderful sound. We agreed that in a perfect world we would have both, like the Best Buy guy who wears his Dre's to mow the lawn and the Bose's, for every thing else. He was partial and made no bones about he. It is not good or bad, it just is.

We all went home earphone-less but all in agreement that we had a couple of swell days, trying to work it all out. Sometimes it is about the purchase and maybe Someday, we will all sit on the couch, in complete harmony with our respective earphones, agreeing to diagree. This time, it was about the journey and sharing it together and that we can all agree to, now...

angels among us...

We pass this house everytime we go to the kid's house. It is basically in the middle of nowhere. An undescript brick house with little to define it. A few bushes, a tree and lonely wreath of a holiday long gone... and this angel. It sits there all the time. It is never adorned with the popular theme of choice, no buntings or garland. Just a statue of a white angel. It does not seem to be affect by weather, have never seen in on the ground, nor have I ever seen anyone around it.

I have passed it a hundred times, yet only really noticed it this week. If I ever seen a live person outside, I am going to stop and ask what the Story is. What does it reperesent, what has it seen, what has it done. Kind of like the idea of a 24/7 angel watching the house, protecting is as only a white cement statue can. Focused, rigid, not deterred by friend or foe. Just there to do a job. Imagine we could do a lot worse. Way worse, actaully...

happy ...

Sometimes, it just falls into your lap. You never saw it coming, and if you did, you weren't sure what it woldl look like. When it came, dressed as nothing he could ever have imagined wanting, he was quick to embrace, in fact it was instant.

We have a couple of months to go and there will be photos. Papa and I will keep our eyes on him and there will be dancing involved. He is already picking out which tie to wear. I told him he had to dance with me. That is what you do at weddings. He has never been to a wedding, this may be his first and only time. Like manna falling from the sky, he could not be happier to go to this wedding and we could not be happier to take him. Let's do it, Dude...

Downton Abbey...

I am late to the DA bandwagon. Not just late but have been actively fighting it for almost 3 seasons. My friend that recommended it also recommended So You Think You Can Dance and that didn't turn out too well. I have a band of friends that love the English and their culture. Keaton loves Mr Bean. I feel the same way about Mr Bean and Pride and Prejudice, let's just say, not my cup of tea. Downton Abbey had me within the first 5 minutes.

Suffice it to say in that the last couple weeks, DH and I have given up days, to make it through Seasons 1-3. I must now wait for almost a year to find out what happens next. I already know that it will start 4 months after Matthew's death, Mary will have made some progress in her grief - the rest is unknown.

Not sure why certain TV shows grip us so intensely. Why their Stories become ours, or at least we care about them more that some of the Stories of our own. Last week, I found some relatives I haven'nt heard from in a long time on Facebook. While I am excited to hear some of their Stories, I am at the Moment, more vested in the servants and household of DA. Some families are close, others aren't. It is just the way it is.

So I will live my life for the next year knowing that if the Real Person of Matthew wanted to, he would still be in the Story and would not have to have been killed off. It was by his own hand, hope he can live with that.

As for me, one of my life's mottos is, Never Say Never. You never know where your heart will wander and want to attach itself. You best be prepared...

Happy Valentimes Day

Flowers, chocolate, a sweetheart... In a perfect world. Yet, we can all make the best of the situation and find somebody to love. A pet, a friend, a neighbor. It is not all about lust, it is about love and you can love anywhere if your heart is open. Hope you were able to celebrate the life you do have, the love you have instead of dwelling on the have nots. I know some will have eempty places in their hearts for Valentines, lost. Time to learn a new way, after all isn't that what life is really all about.

Wherever you found yourself today, I hope there is a smile on your face. Hope you shared a hug or two, and gave some of your own Love away. It may seem like a silly holiday but to participate is to give it meaning.To each and every one of you. may God bless your hearts...

Lent...

This is my first year, participating in the tradition of Lent. Having watched others and learned from their experience, it was my time. The what to give up, came quickly and there was no mistake about what it should be. It wouldn't make sense if told you but suffice it to say, it is my way.

I look forward to the focus of the Lenten season. Never having any formal training, and not looking for any - the concept is easy enough that I can make it my own. To make it meaningful. To remember why. We human don't have the greatest of memories, look at our own timelines and that will be apparent to even the smartest of us. Any given day, we are pulled in many different directions and some days, focus is nowhere to be found.

Whatever my experience, it will remind me of what I have. My hope is that I will gleam a bit more of the meaning of gratitude. That I will not take my everyday life for granted. That I will love Mondays as much as Fridays. Our days are not promised and should be cherished.

So, here is to another adventure. God is so good. Got word that Brianna did get to go home from the hospital today. Over 6 months, she has not been home. Funny, that she would go home today. The Divine at work, I think so. I really do...

keep your eyes on the ball...

Even when one is keeping their eyes on the ball, even then, you don't always catch it. We tell ourselves, You should have got that one or worse. What if the prize was not actually catching the ball but being present, keeping the eyes on the ball?

I realize that kind of logic wouldn't work in a basketball game, but rather Real Life. I also know that a basketball game is only an hour long. Whether we make the shot or not, just being aware that the ball is around and may be coming our way, should be victory enough. Sure I cheer when she makes a basket but as I watch her defend her player, I am more aware of her than at any other time. The ball in the basket only lasts a few seconds. Watch her run up and down that court, following that ball where every it goes, for the better part of an hour, now thats...a game...

Jesus Love...

The pastor talked about The Table this morning. They were table and chairs up on the platform, he brought up a paper wrpped loaf of french bread and proceeded with his sermon. He likened the table to the church and each chair represented a group of people. Mature believers, new believers, those on the fringe and those who are completely on the outside. This morning, he brought up high chair up on the platform. For the whiners in church. Those who are never happy with the little things. He is a little guy so when he sat in the high chair with the tray in his lap and a binkie in his mouth, it was all too real when he started complaining about the chairs being moved around and all the other things people complaint about regularly in church. It was a good lesson and the high chair is not going to be a regular addition to the table because it is not an addition but a subtraction.

But, you did have this feeling that something was missing. DH said it on the way home, where was Jesus? There was no talk of where Jesus was, he might have wanted us to understand that it was already implyed but neither of us got that. We all look for Jesus in different ways and could probably never agree on even 5. The hair stands up on the back on my neck when I hear about someone is going to do something for Jesus, on his behalf. We don't work for Jesus, we are loved by him and that love is what shows in our daily lives. If we believe in who He says he is, it will show, no added agenda is necessary. Took me a long time to unlearn this and I have no intention of ever going back. Never.

This photo represents Jesus to me. He is lovingly watching over you and me. He is not doing anything but loving us. Whatever anyone else sees in us, that thing that draws not drags, comes from one who knows, he is loved. We sit at his feet, take it all in and share what we know to be true. Not what we think we should, could or might but what we actually, do. Should be good enough for each of us, wish we could at least, agree on that...

BIG changes...

Last week it was the announcement that women would be able to serve in combat. This week, the Post Office.

There are those making the claim that there are many people who wait for junk mail as a source of socializing. The claim was that some would suffer dramatically if mail was not delieverd on Saturday. I think those who are claiming this, need to be put out to pasture. You can say what you want, but Sometimes, can you not hear yourself and make some corrections before the words leave your mouth?

If the Post Office wants to play the We Will Take Away Your Saturday Delivery card, most people will say, Fine. Just because we have had it for over 150 years, doesn't mean our lives, as we know them, will fall apart. We all realize, Something had to change with the whole mail thing. Those who feel like they are missing out, can pace themselves and save some mail to look over on Saturday and Sunday. As go newspapers, dry cleaners and Hostess cupcakes, we all must sacrifice and learn a new path.

I told Gage last night that when he gets to be an old man, he could share his Saturday morning mail experience with his kids who will have had no idea what he is talking about. His answer, We get mail on Saturdays?


Point. Match. Game.

February...

Hard month to pronounce, identified with Valentine's Day and Thank God January is Over! The groundhog advises that Spring is near and for most of us, it could not come too soon. Even though we are under gray, sunless skies, we start to imagine... Have been saving my dollar bills and the thoughts of a few comfy patio chairs has crossed my mind more than once, not sure Lowe's and Home Depot are there yet.

The bathing suits are out, winter accessories are on the clearance racks. My winter boots are right by the door, but more often than not, I grab my tennis shoes first. My appetite has been one of a caveman who has had to hunt for his food, eating everything in site, leave crumbs behind. Hope that some less critical weather will put some kind of stop to the need to fill up often and to the brink of way too much. I do believe that our bodies tend to crave more food in the cold months, whether there is proof or not.

Just saw Flight, and my mind is still reeling. Will not spoil it for you but if you have ever had an kind of addiction to anything and will admit to it, see this movie. If you have an addiction, see it anyway and the rest will come.

We are imperfect creatures. The song still going through my head from gym time this morning, says... In a world made of steel, made of stone. Sometimes it feel that way to us. The bad news and even more bad news because the truth is a channel or network devoted to good news would never make it financially. Imperfect, flawed, yet mostly able to bounce back on a semi regular basis.

February... thank you for teaching us all that after we get our bearings back from the cold of January, you are there to remind us of the touchy, warm fuzzies of life while we say goodbye to winter. You are just alright, February. Keep up the good work...

she...

A sign that sits on my desk says, she was authentic in every way and they loved that about her.... Given to me by a friend who said for her, it fit me to a tee. Some shes are that way. Definitly in my family. We are strong-willed and have an opinion and answer about most everything. We don't asked questions unless we want an answer, we are not much for fishing. We will listen to your ideas politely, mostly and make us our own minds.

We are strong and make no apologies for that strength. If we come on too strong, there are times we recognize it and will make amends. We don't mean to hurt your feelings but a girl has to do, what a girl has to do.

Just say no, is not our battle cry but we make come to that conclusion quickly. We are also able to swing the complete other direction and may say yes, too quickly. Indecisive is not part of our DNA and have very little knowledgeable about that. Sorry, we are not able to explain this trait to anyone.

We are loving, caring and hopefully when we get into your personal space, we are not overbearing yet you do run that risk. We love our people with all our hearts, would do anything for you because we believe our way is best not only for us but, for you as well. Forgive us if you can, love us if you can and enjoy us, if you can...

fear...

Fear is … a kind of unintentional storytelling that we are all born knowing how to do. Karen Thompson Walker.

There is not a caring parent alive who does not fear, most everything when it comes to their children. Not all parents can be included which in and of itself, tells a Story of fear that one would not wish on any child.

There has been much going on in our world currently that has most of us in fear for our children. Whether they are in school, on a bus...places where we use to believe were safe zones free from the Bad Guys. That is no longer the case and if you don't believe that, look at your own fears.

Just like all great stories, our fears focus our attention on a question that is as important in life as it is in literature: What will happen next?”

Ms Walker brings up a fascinating outlook on fear, one that had never crossed my mind. She talks about how fear tells its own Story, complete with characters, plot and outcome. The Stories that our fears tell us come from the same imagination that writes books, poems and other bits of literature. We are as drawn in to their reality as we are any book in our personal libraries.

I have a vivid imagination. I can make a mountain out of a molehill, in my mind. My fears are as detailed as my Stories of childhood or the red-headed lady at Walmart who I know was Jesus. Maybe that is why my fears are more crippling than say my DH. He is very matter of fact and his fears are nowhere near mine in content or intensity. I am mostly my only audience for these fear Stories so I think that the fear takes liberties it wouldn't if it was being published for all to see. It is an amazing and maybe even a healing place to begin to understand that for some of us, our fear Stories are just that, Stories. Not fact but fiction taken to the highest place it can go and then begs us, to jump.

I am spending some time here for a while. Facing one's fears is never done unless provoked and I am thinking this may be the time to pay some attention. Make no mistake, there are real fears out there but those are not the ones that make the best Stories. Fiction usually isn't as flashy or exciting as non-fiction. In non-fiction, the author is not bound by truth or time. Same goes for fear...