Believe

 There are certain beliefs that start when you are young, that slowly mature or fade away. These are the Big Ones, the beliefs that shape who you become because your actions are based on them. There is also a Plan B category that backs up, accessorizes and ultimately, influences those choices. 

They can be beliefs about culture. I believe prostitution, racism and peace, can not be dramatically changed in a lifetime. We talk about peace on earth and goodwill toward man but collectively, we are not able to pull it off. There are things happening now with social media that I never could have imagined as as young person but am smart enough to know the internet is not going away and is bringing life long issues of its own. Are we more savvy than those born 100 years ago? Are we better equipped to handle the Big Questions of life? Will 50 more years bring us to a better understanding of why. My beliefs have changed dramatically over the years, both what is possible and what is not. For those things not possible, I am at complete peace. Someday is good enough for me. May I always be aware of the possible. Aware and open. My biggest prayer is that I don't get the two mixed up.

Focus

 Focus. Do not worry about what the other guy is doing. It is not yours to know or expect or do. You are number three. That is all you have to have to ponder. Number 3 stuff. Your journey, your words, your life. You are the sum of your experiences and you will act on how you perceive those experiences. 

I was raised by men. A few minutes tea around me and you would get that. There was a mother in my life but her part was to bring constant fear to the family. The results are I interact better with men, probably think more like a man. Hate chit chat, let's us get to nitty griddy of it. I can only be me. This is who I am. Focus, be the best me I can be. Be the best you, you can be. We ask so much more of ourselves than God ever does. We are our worse enemy. Time to make nice and be your own best friend. You will never please everyone, stop trying and beating yourself up but do it with kindness. You don't have to put others down to make yourself feel good. It just doesn't work. Doesn't feel so good. My favorite prayer is not in the Bible. It is in the AA manual. Serenity, change, accept. Do the best you can. Every day.

Crazy

 No matter your political slant, the last 7 days have introduced some new crazy chaos in each of our lives. The White House web page was redesigned with some significant exclusions and a new tone was set. In less than 6 hours, our government changed and I felt, we were just along for the ride. Regardless of which team you bat for, you were about to witness and experience a whole new set of feels. If we had gone from Trump to Obama, there would have been the same reactionary feels. The addition of social media is making this time even more subject to the revolutionary pull. My husband gets breaking news alerts on his phone and it goes off constantly. I realized last night that this new normal is just that. I will have to change my perception to survive it. I am choosing to leave doom and gloom behind. Do what I know to do is right. When it comes right down to it, that is all I can do. Be the best me I can be. Stand up for what is good, regardless of who is in the White House. Like the AA creed. Serenity to accept, courage to change and most importantly, wisdom to know the difference. My hope is to start a new period of serenity, courage and wisdom, and going where it leads me. That is where I want to put my heart. My Hope. My Life.

The art of hygge

 Hygge. It is a Danish term that translate to our English, cozy. A state of being where all psychological needs are met. Like a big hug. A roaring fire with a good book and a warm cup of cocoa. For women, sounds like the nesting thing we all like to do. It must be hygge that makes me want to buy every cable-knit blanket that crosses my path. I have had so many snow days that I am preferring them to Real Life. As long as the Diet Coke and almond milk are flowing, staying in is fine with me. We have all had too much hygge this winter, time to mix it up. Won't be easy, will be like pulling teeth. The snow has taken its toll. I have cried uncle enough for several winters. I have other fish to fry. Must gear up for this one.

Tomorrow starts his last semester of high school. We are looking at graduation announcements, party details, a school trip overseas and college all in the next 7 months. I know how fast it will go. I find myself trying to take it all in and start learning to let go. There is no letting go in hygge. There is no cozy in letting go and there is most certainly, no happy in pulling up your big girl panties and doing the hard thing. Pops and I talked about it all the way home from basketball and broke of our voices broke with tears. No hygge to be found anywhere. Will try again tomorrow's to look for our brave and make an effort to engage. If not, will turn to my cozy, familiar state of being this winter and burrow in for a little bit longer.

What do we believe

 An interview with a group of women who voted for Donald Trump almost 3 months ago, the conversation focused on how they see their candidate now. They had all voted for President Obama before. Twice. I wanted to know how these  seemingly smart, thinking women could vote for a candidate for the highest position in the land with the outward appearance of being, and I will roll all his  perceived characteristics in one, a doofus. I wanted to ask them how do see what he is showing you and expect him to morph into a game changer? How does one go from Obama to Trump? What does that path look like? We are now coming to understand that the Hillary affect did not resemble the model put forth. She had more problems than she could shake a stick at and being a woman was the least of them. Yet what these ladies said, made perfect sense. They did not like the way Trump presented himself. They did not like his rants and raves, tweets and obnoxious actions but they put ALL of that aside, for the perceived change that he promised to bring. They did not blindly disbelieve Trump poor and bullying ways, they just decided that the promise of change trumped his character. This is a real game changer. It speaks to our overall feeling of frustration. That we will forsake proven character for disproven change. Bravo to these ladies for explaining the why to where we find ourselves today. It has also made me check my belief system and with respect to these women, no change is worth letting the bully be in charge. The changes a bully, brings are no greater than himself. I need to remember this in every area of my life. Don't give in, do not roll over. Do not let the bully act out what he has already revealed about himself in your life. You have come too far. Be proud and never give up on what you know to be true, let the promises of man parade by. Bullies gonna bully, we can choose to search for higher ground.

Book club

 Book club. We had to reschedule to next week because of inclement weather. Worse snow fall in over 30 odd years. It has been tough enough trying to get out of our subdivisions, no less meeting early evening at our local coffee shop. We have much history with each other. There are many 20 year friendships and even some 30 year. And yet, each book club doesn't get its real time personality until the evening of book club. Each time there is a different group, someone is always missing because book club is no respecter of persons. The book club takes on persona of those who attend, those who share. Even having one person gone, changes the dynamics of the evening's discussion. Because we know each other so well, there is always much catching up time. If a book was the only thing we had in common, it would be a  completely different fit. Have had conversations about whether which camp is better. I have wondered myself how the conversation would change, how my takeaway would change. Would I appreciate the book experience more if it was the sole focus? This month I discovered the silent book club. Yes, if is a real thing. It is a type of book club for introverts. The premise is you just enjoy the experience of reading with others, no conversation. You all sit at your table with your coffee or wine and collectively read whatever you want. Never having any kind of conversation. It is a growing like crazy trend. Taking great pride in my introverness, when I read I do it alone. By myself, in my sweats. Reading is a one person team activity, imagine that I would be very uncomfortable reading to myself in a group. Conversation is why I am in a book club. I already have my idea of whether the book chosen was a good fit for me when I get there on the those Monday nights but I am interested in seeing it in a different light. I want to be challenged to see the other opinion .More often than not, the interaction becomes personal and we have leave the book behind and head into Real Lfe. I think that is my favorite. What we read affects our lives and we use those life lessons to incorporate or understand why we think the way we do. Everyone woman should consider a book club, even the strong, silent woman.    

1969

Peace. The ideology is part of every culture. Something to achieve. Something to negotiate, somewhere to compromise. It is not Something that is achievable in the human realm. There will not be true peace this side of heaven. Just look to Genesis. It did not take long for peace to end and murder to begin

Peace. The ideology is part of every culture. Something to achieve. Something to negotiate, somewhere to compromise. It is not Something that is achievable in the human realm. There will be no true peace this side of heaven. Just look to Genesis. It did not take long for peace of the Garden that had been to end and murder to begin.
1969
4 locations
5 weeks
9 murders
Charles Manson is be a name that would stay with me for 46 years and counting. To start 2017 with the news that he was seriously ill, put a smile on my face, although not one I am proud of. Finally, death using its powers for good. Two months before, I graduated from high school. Two months later, my mother would commit suicide. A few hours later after I heard the news, I would be praying for his soul. Not for a complete recovery of his body but his soul. Sometimes we do not get to understand. If you have to know, if you have to have all the I's dotted and t's crossed, faith is not for you. Faith says you are willing to delay the all knowing and accept what is given. We each get to choose. Every day. Faith or no faith. You choose.

In a perfect world,
There would be unequal parts of happiness and grief.
Perfect.
You might start in the unhappiness arena, but you would know,
The good stuff is on the way.
But,
It is not a perfect world.

A perfect world.
If you asked 10 people what that would look like,
You would get 10 different answers. 100. 1000. A million.
Same answer. All different, some would even be total opposites.
Cats. No cats.
Root beer. No root beer.
Trees and rain, Seattle. Sun and surf, California.
There is no perfect world.
No perfect job, church, or family or people.
There is just us, and we are capable of the unspeakable.
There is however, a imperfect world.
An uneven split of happiness and grief.
It is the world we live in,
Everyday. It never goes away.
Until it does. Then, no do overs.
No returning with fresh eyes,
And the greatest desire, to make amends.
Do your best today,
With what you have.
Love the best you can.
Listen the best you can
Live the best you can.

Pete Sousa

Following Pete Sousa, designated WH photographer, as he lives out his career following President Obama around, fills a basic need we all have. He takes between 500 to 1500 photos a day and never deletes a photo. To preserve memories. We are all little Pete Sousa's as we follow family and friends, favorite haunts and delicious things that you never saw coming.. Doing what he does without pay or recognition for the same reasons. to have a record of us. Who, what where all those things that define, describe and delight in who we are. as we start to think about closing 2016 out and getting a fresh shot at 2017, our minds are swirling with new and bubbly ideas. Keep the ones that worked and make new plans for those that just didn't make the cut. Looking at some new back up,ideas for storing photos on line and look forward to a clean slate for the new year. Ready to document new memories and see what makes me so happy as I check my Camera Roll every week. 2016 was a tough year emotionally but from a photographer standpoint, it was awesome. Thank you, my friend.

The committee picks a team way before I am aware and by the time I am aware, I think was a team of my choosing. I am well aware that there is a committee that runs the show and I am but a lowly press secretary. I hold daily briefing several times a day and the news is as fresh to me as to those who have gathered to hear. I am Miss Figure Head. I represent the committee in the tone and manner as they have conveyed their collective thoughts, action, and opinions. Sometimes I don't agree with the committee. I push back even though I know it is in vain. They don't always know best but their control is undeniable. In a strange way, I trust them. They include all parts of me. It appears that no one has an monopoly, equal say for all. They have discussed, argued, offered approval and rejection of ideas and throughly know all the options. They have agreed on a POV and then, and only the, is it shared with me at the pre briefing. I am given the information, no discussion on how said info had come into being. No questions are taken, nor supplementary memos included. Just the facts ma'am, just the facts. This whole thing happens hundreds of times a day. I have come to respect the committee. They were the ones that talked about Jesus when I was not interested. Again, they didn't ask for my opinion or imput. I suddenly found myself at the daily briefing, hearing myself say. I believe in Jesus. I believe in the Trinity. I believe Jesus was the Son of God and He died for my sins. At the podium, all hell had broke loose but I keep on. I took no questions at that particular at that briefing. I need to collect my thought and process what I had just said.

paper towels 101...

There is a reason that paper towels are perforated. Try to tear one in the middle or a sheet and you have got yourself in a real mess, They perforate the paper towels for a reason and by that reason I mean, we human can be pretty dumb.

We may be able to travel to the moon, think up the internet and invent Red Velvet Pop Tarts but there are times, we are as slow as molasses. We couldn't see it if it jumped out and bit us. There are perforations on sandwich bags and grated cheese. Just admit it, we all need a little help and god forbid, if we try to go around, the perforations. Now, you have got a big mess for the life of your product and it will haunt you every, single time you use the product.

Real life is just like that. There are perforations sprinkled all through our lives. Some times we get it and sometimes we try to get around it. Next time you think you are smarter, better, faster - remember the paper towel. Make good choices...

music as prayer...

My prayer life is all over the board. Sometimes it is quiet and in the dark. Sometimes, it is driving down the road and it is overwhelming. For one who loves music, one of my favorites is to pray during music. For whoever comes to mind.

This week, Mark Schultz's, You Are A Child of Mine came on my ipod and immediately it was dedicated to two guys. As the lyrics played, the prayer just got stronger and stronger.

This is for Sam and Brian. Heal their hearts and make them whole.

This kind of prayer isn't about results. Most of my prayers are not about results. I may be missing the boat but this is the only way I know. I lift these people up and smile, knowing God is hearing me and whatever that looks like, I am good with. It is where my faith may be the strongest. They belong to him, I am just asking for a day's blessing.

And everytime the Hallelujah chorus comes on, I turn my palms up, and soak it all it. Every last bit and whatever happens, happens.

Just being open to put music, people in a prayer, is enough for me. There is such a freedom and there is never a time that someone doesn't come to mind. He is so good. So very, very good...

There is no one in heaven, I am dying to see. There are people that it will be nice to reconnect with but none that have me longing to have one foot in heaven. Those people are all still here. When I read BabyBoyBakery's Story, I understand the concept of having your heart broken and in two places but have no practical experience to understand how it must be to live that, day after day. I understand how lucky I am. I am grateful for where I am and understand that life can change in a heartbeat. The only thing that keeps someone in that position with a sense of staying instead of going, is hope. Hope is what gets us through those days. Even those of us with both feet here, understand that hope is the bridge that makes us tell ourselves, our hearts, one foot in front of the other. Hope, for each of us, is replenished daily. There is more than enough to go around. Grab what you need, until you are completely full and able to take that next step. Don't worry about tomorrow, more hope will be on the way. Take it to heart today...

her and him...

The weather has been beautiful. Everything and more than you could ever ask for. Lots of thinking time, basking in that warmth that only comes with summer. We are out and about more. Playing disc golf at the local elementary school, sharing the field with whoever has decided to unknowingly, join us.

I didn't see these two until they were right there. They were just turning the corner and I had little time to react. I couldn't have planned it better if I wanted to, yet I was ready to go, when the time presented itself.

They have been my inspiration this week. When I find myself a bit riled with my other half. I look at this picture. When I heard that a friend's mom passed away after 61 years of marriage, I wondered about her husband and what he wouldn't give for one more stroll. Time is fleeting, we sing it in our songs and recite it in our poems but not sure we really understand. Tomorrow always seems so far away. We have more time before the fleeting, comes our way.

I would love to know their Story. Body language tells me she needs him. It also says, I am more than willing. He is looking around, she is looking at her next step. Yet, never missing a beat with each other. Much to learn, much to put into practice. Better do it now, will I still can. And as for you, let them be your guide...

16 days...

The calendar says there are 16 more days until summer. If student drivers don't make the case for it being summer, then nothing I can say will change that. We are having the best summer here, not too hot but lots of sunshine to help heal our winter memories. It is a glorious time of year, perfect in every way.

I saw a sign at a local store today that has given me more than I could ever give back. It may not be politically correct, or even nice but says everything about my love for anyone I have loved. It says it in a way, I never could. If someone feels this way about you and they know of what they speak, it would be an honor to be loved by them. And isn't that all we really want? For a few good people to overlook our faults and care about us anyway. To love to make someone laugh, a full belly laugh, that became because of you. When summer comes, we are more apt to give and accept. We don't take ourselves so winter seriously, and let the good times roll. Catch a ray or two, take in some vitamin D and move on. No matter what Season of life, summer is a time to let it all go. To not hurry, to heal the deep wounds. And to love each other...


I love you like a fat kid loves cake.... I love you that much.

the unofficial start to summer 2014...

It is part of my biological clock, the day after Memorial Day is the first official day of summer. The kids had a couple of days left and Keaton has school until the middle of next week...yet, it is still summer. I keep a photo journal of all four seasons and since they are labeled as such, I can start a season on any date I want.

The summer one has just begun. This is the third photo to make the cut. This is what our car will always look like when we are in it, no matter wheat the season. It reminds me of good times, whether it with the kids, on our way to Flying M or the many, many reasons - we are out and about. That we are living our lives the best we know how. The car has looked this way in times of good and not so good. It is about this time, this place.

So here we go. Summer of 2014, we are ready for you. Ready for the warm days, ready for the trips out the door and ready to live in the present. Enjoy while you can, the ice will melt soon and you don't want to have missed it, waiting for something else. In the Moment...

mentoring...

Had my first meeting with the girl who I may be mentoring next year. Her parents happened to be there for her race relays and they sat in on our meeting together. N is an articulate child. She has an opinion and with a little help, is not afraid to use it. On the permission form, parents are asked whether they will allow photos of their child to be taken. These parents chose not to, Of course, I understand their concern but was a wee bit disappointed.

Had my second meeting with Miss N. Any problem with having a mentor, was gone. We forget how much we really do care about wanting that village around sometimes. No agenda, just being a friend, goes a long way with a child or a Big Person. The older we get, the more we like to think we are an island instead of a community. It is about balance, it always is. That and a great big does of knowing you are loved.

Right now, Bakery Boy is mentoring me. Less than a month ago, these two young people lost their three year old as he ran into the street to get a Frisbee. She talks bluntly about the land mines she is trying to avoid but even more about how to move on after a tragedy that most of us will never share. I am in awe of both parents. They know that Someday they will see their Ryan again and that our ways are not God's ways. Mentoring, no matter what it looks like, it is a labor of love...

choose a coach...

Everyday we are coached by someone, or something. Everyday. For all of us, are early coaches are assigned not chosen. Those coaches have their own distinct styles, everything for lovely encouragement to the darkest unthinkable. Someday, we will be able to choose a coach.

There may have to be some relearning but a good coach is invaluable. They see things we can because we are flying by, trying to keep our many life balls, in play. A good coach knows the plays and will call them out to you. You need a coach that you trust is all for you, if you already have that, take good care of them. If not and it is time for a staff change, make it. Find someone who will be in your corner. Someone who has your best interests at heart. It won't always be fun or feel good but you know, it is the best thing for you. Someone who cares, One who loves you...

Spring 2.0...

Around these parts, it is the last week of school. The unofficial season of summer, starts now. Down the road, the kids have a few more days, one has school into June. It is tougher to pay attention when the sun is shining and begging for us to come out and play. It has been a long winter for every part of the country and we are tired of being weary. Dead tired.

Had my first meeting with my new little mentor today. She is a doll and I already love her. Her step father is not allowing any photos of her to be taken so I can only tell you, she is a red haired beauty. Smart, funny and full of questions. I told her I might now always have answers but will do my best. That is the most anyone can ask of anyone. I do have 53 years on her. Have seen a few things, and so is she. She was captivated by the orderly folders on my iPad. Something I never would have thought of. She wants me to show her how. We had met briefly last week and I would have given you a 50/50 chance that she was not interested in having a mentor. Today. I got the feeling she wanted to adopt me. She knows what she is getting herself into, there will be no sugar coating with this kid. She is miles ahead of where she should be but life is like that. Some of us have to grow up faster to survive. She is most definitely, a survivor.

Going to walk in the sun today and glow in all that is right and good. Thank you Spring for not being summer. You have so much to share and I have so much to learn. Baby steps, always about baby steps...

15 avenue garden...

Right smack dab in the middle of family neighborhood on church owned property. 22 raised beds, they have been getting ready to plant. Here we say, never plant before Mothers Day and it looks like these millennials did their homework.

I am going by every week to track their progress, the neighbors are use to me now. Someone asks, what if someone steals the food? The answer I heard was, great - they probably needed it. An interesting way to look at it, a fresh way of looking at an age old problem.

We all know how gardens work. You start with nothing, prep the land, nourish the soil, water and weed and hopefully, harvest. I wanted to put a visual to the process, hence the photo parade.

Love the addition of flowers early in the process. Two signs, and now, a tee pee. The watering lines look they are ready to go on the beds, just have to be plumbed into the main source. Would be pretty, lousy vegetables without water.