Not able to sleep the other night - that happens when you get older. I can't sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours at a time anymore. I use to be able to sleep all the time - this feels plain weird. Anyway thanks to cable, there is usually sometime to pass the time. I landed on MSNBC's, Nowhere Like Home series that follows families who find themselves living in shelters and how their everyday loves played out.
In all the craziness of my bio family, we were never homeless as it would be described today. One year, we moved 26 times. We lived in a nice 3 bedroom house but lost that to live in multiple apartments. While the house held bad memories, it was still a house with a yard and some measure of privacy. Apartment life was foreign, felt confined and you lived in community whether you wanted to or not. Later in life, my father would be homeless, living on the streets and I would not let him stay with us.
This show was extremely difficult to watch. I have reoccurring dreams of not having a place to live. Being out in the cold with no end in sight, Watching this show was like the real life version of the familiar dream. For whatever reasons that people become homeless - because of abuse, financial choices or a combination of things, I always wonder about family and support. By the time they get to the shelter, have they lost all their support? As I watched families with kids, I can' t imagine not letting my kids and grandkids not share the space, food,whatever that I have. However because of the experience with my dad, I can understand how the support can be too big of a burden to share.
When my dad was living on the streets, I knew he would not be staying with us. It came to down to safety for my family and I couldn't bargain that down. Oh, there was guilt, both form inside and outside. A man who had worked for my dad gave me a good tongue-lashing about how bad of a daughter I was. Later this man would take my dad in his own home and after his experience with him, came back and apologized to me. Sure it gave me back some of my dignity but it also made me thankful that I didn't let guilt run the show.
Homeless now is a little different than 20 years ago. People are becoming homeless at rates faster than we have ever seen and for many more reasons. We are living in a health and wealth
society.
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It is haunting to think of yourself as homeless. Close your eyes. Imagine being cold and hungry, imagine living in a small room with only a fabric curtain between you and the next guy and imagine not so much as a nickel in your pocket. Even worse, knowing that you have no support. No one to call, to listen or to care. I can almost feel the bone-chilling cold. Riding the subway in the dark of night, trying to sleep but having to keep one eye open for those who would harm you. Can you imagine what that must be like? I hope you and yours never have to find out...
