Fall is finally here, the 90 degree days are gone and leaving a long sleeved Something in the car, because you never know when you might need it. This Saturday is the last day of football for Gage. Except for the weather, I could watch him for forever. This was his first year playing football and no one loves football, more than this kid. He will have to live vicariously calling Kellen Moore's plays for now, and when the BSU football season is over, he will turn to Madden 2 through 12 on the TV, just like he did all summer.
Season
1.A part of a year when something particular happens.
There are also seasons of life, clothes, food. Potato salad doesn't taste the same in winter. A sweater in August would make one feel very uncomfortable. Look at your life - see how it follows the seasons. The more years we have, the more we understand.
Imagine that, smiling, singing and snapping my fingers on Day 61. I really listened to the words to Love is Strange this time, and it suddenly dawned on me that it is natural to want to love, and be loved again, one day. As the song goes "after you've had it, you're in an awful fix". It may seem crazy to even entertain the idea of loving anyone but him again so early in the grief process, but I realized two things at that moment in the shower.
For one, I'll always be grieving for Mikey. I will never be okay with him dying. This is not how our story was supposed to end. We were supposed to grow old together, see our babies off to college and celebrate our silver wedding anniversary.
But he is gone. This is one variable I can't change or control. I must simply accept that it is, and remember that the moments of sadness are unpredictable. There is no handbook for grief, and no two grieving experiences are alike. It is virgin territory for everyone that embarks on this path. So long as I remember that the sad moments often come out of nowhere, and sometimes with a vengeance, then I can keep an open mind about the future.
Then I also realized if a song about love could make me smile uncontrollably, and get me dancing in the shower, then there is hope for my heart. It is meant to love, and have that love returned, again one day.
So, yes, love is strange. And wonderful. And heartbreaking. But without it, life just isn't worth living.
I choose life.
Jennie lost her husband quite unexpectedly now, 65 days ago. She is a food blogger whose words now are intermiggled with this season of her life that she never saw coming. For Jennie and her girls (injenniekitchen.com), this Season is one they wish they never had to experience. Day 61 gives me hope. For Jennie, for all of us...
Whatever the Season looks like you to you now, whether a Season of Song or a Season of Grief - remember it won't last forever. Jump in the leaves if you can and if not, anticpate the days you will be able to again...
