All Hallow's Eve...

After 2 1/2 hours of crafts, snacks and play - it was time for the Spotlight Show. As Miss Shelli called them up, they marched up the steps, showed their moves, twirled so you could see the BACK of their costumes as we watched in awe. Stories you ordinarily don't get to hear. Not only did Batman make an appearance but the Tooth Fairy, several Princesses and a Professional Bull Rider were also present. If the rest of the class were like Batman, they were asleep before making the short trip home.

It doesn't get much better than cheese and crackers, halloween M&M's and candy corn cookies while wearing a costume of choice. For them, it really is about dressing up and the CANDY. Tonight is will be all about the candy. It is going to be bone-chilling cold here and we are going to be inside at the church's Trunk or Treat. Being raised in Southern California, we never had to worry about weather or wearing a coat. Those were simpler days.

Halloween is the second fastest growing holiday, according to retailers. In 2006, we will spend 4.96 billion dollars on Halloween. There is a home in my subdivision that has orange Christmas lights. I actually thought that as I drove by the first time - what a dork! but there is a darker side to this candy-giving holiday. The news now recommends taking all your child's candy to local hospitals to be xrayed before letting then handle their stash. Operation Lights Out is a desperate attempt to protect children from sex offenders who are required by law, to turn their porch lights out. I always say it is not those who are registered that I am worried about.

Growing up in an athesist home, there was not a sense of anything evil associated with Oct 31. My sister and I were always "hobos" and my dad would ride a bicycle as we hit as many houses as we could before he decided he had enough. It was the only time I ever saw him on a bike so it was somewhat of a sacrifice on his part. We would go home and he would lay out our bounty, take all the full size candy bars and we would get what was left , which was fine with us.

I see Halloween in a different light these days. I now know evil exists, not just on Halloween but everyday and am aware that there are things that will go on today that will be covered by my prayers throughout the day. There are battles that go on that have nothing to do with us, Today, my pretend gun and Hummer would be no match but my prayers are the most powerful weapons I possess - and I plan to use them.

It's not your mother's Trick or Treat anymore - it's a new world. We have to be more careful and aware. I am thankful that I have Batman on my side. Tonight Batman trades his superhero Black for another kind of superhero. Blue, as a matter of fact. I am spending the evening with a Police Officer, Snow White and the Wolverine. Looks like Snow White will be well protected - I am just around for the ride...

grandparents...

Saturday was the last soccer game of the season. The lack of interest from parents and the coach was obvious to us, fortunately - the kids didn't seem to notice. My grandkids are the luckiest kids in the world. They have 2 sets of grandparents that adore them. Somebody always shows up for the kids - the poppas have their work schedules and we all work around them but these kids know the best of both worlds. The love they are showered with is obvious to even strangers. It is like they have their own little fan clubs.

Both poppas are called"poppa". Both poppas are Steves. If they want my poppa, they call him, Nana's Poppa - the other poppa is Sue's poppa. You can believe how well this system works. We are together every holiday, birthday and it is a wonderful thing. I can only imagine having this kind of love and support.

Poppa and Grandma Sue take them tailgating and to football games - Poppa and Nana take them to the Pumpkin Festival. Grandma Sue takes them to the movies and Nana takes them for ice cream and cokes. Sue's poppa throws a ball with them and Nana's poppa teaches them how to draw Goofy. Grandma teaches them the names of the presidents and Nana downloads music for them. Between the two families, they know about Elvis, Mighty Mouse and The Three Stooges. They are lavished with love, graced with gifts and most importantly, they know, really know they are loved completely. They have the security of a love that they never question and know, is always available.

Keaton, Gage and Morgan - we love you infinity... May you know that the love you feel from us someday, lead you to the overwhelming Love that God has for each of you. No greater gift could we give and for you guys, its always about giving you our very best...

the death of a dream...

This title has sat on my desk for a couple of days. When it came to mind, it seemed a little dark but I wrote it down and have been staring at it whenever I am at my computer.


I did this layout yesterday but couldn't understand how cute and dark would meet. Now it is starting to all come together.

The death of a dream... Jesus said we had to lose our lives to find them. He said we had to lose the dream that plays in each of our heads. The dream that if we lost a few pounds, were a little smarter or if our expectations could only be met, we would be lovable. The dream is ours not God's. We are the ones who are not able or willing to see how lovable we are. I am 100% certain that if in this life, we are interested in getting pass playing christian, we need to see ourselves the way God sees us. He loves us as we are not as we should be.

I gotta tell you, this does not come natural. I think there is a part of us that thinks loving and trusting God should be a natural process and if it isn't, we are doing something wrong. We are not interested in the death of our dream, what we think it would take to be lovable - it is going to take an enormous amount of work to undo that thinking.

It starts with accepting ourselves just as we are.
It starts with accepting if it is good enough for Jesus, it is good enough for me.
It starts with accepting the death of a dream.

I don't know what this will look like Down The Road, I only know what it looks like now and the work that it will involve. I think I'm ready to start. It will mean going against my flow, and forgetting everything that is comfortable and safe but I am going to hold his Hand and keep walking. I'm a little apprehensive but I also know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Happy Friday.

What happened?????

Blogs have changed my life. Turned my little world upside down. No longer do I read to go to sleep, or for a bookclub or just for the love of reading. These days, blogs fill my head and I couldn't be happier.

Ms V has 45 more days until her husband comes home from Iraq. She has 3 children, one since her husband has been gone. She has been holding down the family while he has been gone. She's a gem.

Ms C has more jobs than I could ever imagine. Her love for Jesus is overwheming and contagious. She's a gem.

Ms S shared her photo of her new daughter that she adopted and brought home last Friday. She's a gem.

Ms A is my creative muse. She takes you places you can't even imagine while sharing herself with us. She's a gem.

Ms G is Ms G. Love her energy and her total commitment to Target. She's a gem.

Ms H lives REal Life and shares with us. Would never have found Sally Jean without her. She's a gem.

Ms J is a real dooce. She makes me laugh and helps me to understand why humor is so important. She's a gem.

And Ms C who has shared the loss of her son, her Love of Christ and has given more than we could ever give to her. My prayers are with her daily. She's a gem.

Each one of these ladies and about 35 more make up my daily reading routine. There is something about the here and the now that has taken over my life and these women and their blogs have turned my world upside down. Not unlike Gage's hair - I am not sure how it got that way or if I will ever be the same again. At this point, I don't want to be the same. Blogs have brought Real Life to our doorstep and we can share in a way that is not possible any other way.

Whoever invented blogging, thank you. Thank you for bringing us together in such an unconventional way. I hope to include reading books again in my life but until I do, to those who enrich my life by the sharing of their world, their faith and themselves, thank you...I heart you...

karaoke...

The highlight of the school carnival last week seemed to be Keaton's principal and another teacher singing WMCA, completely and totally off tune.In fact, the only way we would have known it was the Village People in all their glory was the multiple weddings receptions we have attended where the familiar tune is almost an anthem. Gage was overwhemed and has asked me to burn it on his Elvis CD.

Karaoke reminds me alot of Real Life. While we can each sing the same song, it may sound completely different and at times, unrecognizable.Perhaps that is the beauty of who we are. God can take the same thing and make it our own yet we have a similiar background that makes us able to connect with each other.

The thing about the Singing Educators was their energy. They didn't take themselves very seriously. Not sure if they could really sing or not. To them, it was about making the most of the moment. They ended with a big finish and the crowd rewarded their effort with overwhelming applause. Later that evening when we passed the karaoke booth again, two fifth graders were not doing so well. They were trying way too hard to sing, their voices couldn't produce what was in their hearts and it showed. There was no signs of fun - they were going for the gold and all that was popping up was mud-colored.

That's the way Real Life is. We spend so much energy on things that don't matter. The size of our waistbands or new wrinkles or what the neighbors think. We spend so much time with these temporary things that we forget about Jesus. He becomes secondary - something we need when we get bad news or when we are trying to get someone to come to our churches.

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I have been on a thousand diets and lost hundreds of pounds. More importantly, I have wasted countless hours thinking about it. Five years ago when this throat thing went wacko, I involuntarily lost a lot of weight. Some thought I looked sickly. Being thin didn't make my life any better than being fat did. I have decided to follow the principal's lead. I am not going to spend time thinking about losing weight. Instead of praying for my circumstances to change, for Jesus to make it all better, I am going to invite Him to share my day, everyday, no matter what is happening. I have a strange feeling whether I ever lose a pound of not, my life will resemble Mr Principal's more and the serious little fifth graders less.

So for today, as the words of my life play out on the screen,
I am going to sing my heart out.
Good or bad, I am going to sing my heart out.
One step at a time, I am going to grab that microphone and sing my heart out.

Can you hear me now!!!

Elvis and the dentist...

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the IPod. Millions have been sold and have made white the new black. Not just for portable music, doctors are using it to study images and baseball players are watching the competition's every move. Podcasts now feature every subject imaginable. Over 75 % of those who download music, have one. Which brings us to Elvis...

I picked up Gage at preschool yesterday and my ITunes review CD came on as we drove away. Keaton has been into Elvis for a long time and now Gage is coming into his own. After the school carnival last Friday night, he has aded YMCA to his internal playlist but yesterday on the way home, he needed Elvis. Marie's The Name was the tune of choice and we had to hit the back button a couple of times.

"Where's Elvis?", he asked.

"Where's Elvis?", I asked, hoping he would give up.

"Yes, where is he?", he asked with a little more urgency.

"Well, he's in heaven", is what marched out of my mouth.

"Why?", he asked.

"Why?", I echoed.

"Why?", he asked again.

"Because he died", I finally answered.

The whys kept on for a few more questions but then he was satisfied. He had this conversation with Aunt BeBe a few weeks ago about her mother. After a relentless round of questioning and Aunt BeBe wanting to be politically correct, Keaton, who had been listening to all this, reaches over around Aunt BeBe and tells Gage, She's Dead. Gage had no more questions.

While Gage and I were listening to Elvis, his mommy had a emergency trip to the dentist to fix a tooth. A bite of an oatmeal cookie had started the trouble and the tooth that had previously had a root canal, needed some big time help. Apparently the dentist looked like he had just come from middle school and as he examined the tooth, seemed to be have about as much confidence. The tooth was infected and did need a new root canal but he was not sure he would not get in the middle of the procedure, be in over his head and have to send her to someone else with that someone else being a classmate of his. Wisely, Brandi decided to get a second opinion today.

There are many things that scare me these days - indecisive dentists are at the top of the list but when I think about a four year old trying to understand death, I am strangley comforted. Gage has been interested in death and Jesus since he left the nursery last spring and has joined Keaton in Children's Church. He has talked more about Jesus being the boss and now he is trying to understand about death and people going to be with Jesus. And of course, Elvis. Elvis would have gotten the IPod deal - He would have carried one in his rhinestone jumpsuit. He would have had the oldies and I imagine a playlist that would include Bono, Emimen and Jonny Lang. I have no such hopes for the dentist. He better make sure he gets back to school before recess is over...

home sweet home...

I came home a day early -what a surprise! Daddy and Poppa got cell service when they were just 20 mins away to let us know they were on their way home. Keaton would still be at school and would have a wonderful surprise waiting for him. Unfortunately, we also had my SIL visiting Canada, on her way over. Daddy's homecoming was a big hit and we were semi-confident that a 7 year old couldn't have a heart attack from being pleasantly suprised, so I quietly gathered my stuff and planned my exit.

Gage caught on quickly and had a small meltdown. Miss M, who had been my shadow for the week didn't catch on until later. I talked to her that night on the phone and told her I would see her the next day - we still had Keaton's school carnival to look forward to, but for the moment, I was home.

Home is where I am the most content. While I have always felt at home at Brandi's and maybe, its because I leave so much of my heart over there - it is always home I long for. I looked around and Stevie had done a fine job of keeping things tidy but I didn't care. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and woke in the early hours to another smile.

The nights I spent away, were also great times of reflection. Dog tired as I was, I would rewind the day and play the parts that made me smile, laugh and want to cry. These incredible little people had so much to share and I didn't want to miss a moment. In the middle of the night, I would think about what the next day would bring. Field trip, karate, soccer or playing with baby dolls, I geared up and tried matched up my big girl energy to theirs, as best I could.

I will always cherish this last week. Big hugs in the morning and juicy kisses at night. Pancakes and scrambled eggs for dinner and fresh cookies, whenever we were home for more than 15 mins. Baths taking with precise amounts of water, soap and laughter. What a way to live.

Brandi has become a saint to me. Having only had one child, I now see what it takes to have three. Although we really missed Daddy, we all made the best of it. Now everything is back to the way it should be.

The days will unfold more lessons learned. My brain is still reeling and I miss them. Their sounds, their laughter - seeing Miss M's tousled hair in the morning, the way she clings on and pats you on the back for thise first few moments. Getting the boys ready for school and telling them, "I love you - have a fABulous day!". Lots of work but oh, so worth it.

It's quiet now and I can't say I am not more than content. Basically without a computer for 7 days, I had only minor withdrawal pangs. Home sweet home - I still have a lot to learn...

see ya soon...

I am going to be gone for a week - helping my daughter while her husband is on a big hunting trip. No computer time or blog for a while. That in itself will be an interesting exercise for me. Will be back on Monday, the 23rd, Blessings to you all, zalaine.

parables in pictures.

Woke up this morning and had nothing to think about. A few mornings ago, I had the feeling I was suppose to pray for someone but could never get an exact fix on who or what so I just prayed my favorite prayer...

That you may be immeasureable overwhelmed by the love of Christ, that you are aware of that Love and that you are, never the same.

The words change but the sentiment is always the same. I am perfectly happy, even awed by that prayer. It makes my day...

This morning, I started again, not sure of what direction I was going. This time though, the answer came pretty fast. The Parables, the parables of Jesus. I remembered what Brennan had said a few weeks ago about if you want to know Jesus, study His parables. So I am on a search to do just that. Don't know where it will lead me and don't care. It's all about the Journey and obedience - I 'm up for both. The second thing that popped up was the idea of taking a picture a day for a year.

I take mulitiple pictures. I am a mulitiple picture taker. I take them and then spend hours playing with them. The idea of taking a picture a day is frightening. Being the anal that I am, I know my tendency to want the perfect shot - everyday and I know that is not what this is about. I need to take my same stance on journeys /obedience and apply it here. I need to see the Big Picture and look back a year from now and see what I have learned. As afraid as I am, this has to be life-changing on so many levels.

So, I am starting in a few weeks on Nov 1 and will conclude on Nov 1, 2007. It's on my calendar, ready to go. I want to enjoy the process and not just make sure all the blanks are filled it. Funny about the parables assignment on the same day. I have no doubt that they are connected and that someday, probably Nov 2, 2007 - it will start to make sense.

For now, I've got a camera to charge and some reading to do. Parables and picture taking scare me - my God does not...

two steps forward and one step back...

Even nature understands the concept of two steps forward and one step back. For the last 6 years, every Fall my evergreen tree sheds like crazy. The first year, I thought it was dying - it was a gift from a wonderful friend and I had babied it along that whole first season. I thought it would never make it through the winter but here it is and every year, it grows like a weed. Now I understand it has to shed to grow and continue to thrive.

I don't know why it is so hard for us humans to grasp the concept. I think we fight it all our lives. Some are cautious to go forward, never wanting to have to go back. Some are always going forward, damn the consequences, and act surprised with the back shows up.

There is a balance somewhere in the middle that we can strive for. As I thought about the tree this morning, it made more than a little sense to make peace with the concept and maybe even someday, think of being able to thrive from it. Imagine that!

be yourself...

My grown daughter and I had a conversation the other day that turned quite controversial pretty quickly. We each stated what we believed and it was apparent that we were not only Not going to agree but both of us were passionate about what we were feeling. I would not have it any other way. If nothing else, I want my daughter to stand up for what she believes, even if it is not what I think.

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to think for themselves. We surely will not always agree with them and some of their thoughts might get them in trouble but that is part of the learning/growing up experience. I can tell her from experience how much trouble my thinking has got me into - more than I would like to admit but it sure beats my people-pleasing days.

May be hard for those of you who know me to imagine me being a people-pleaser. Probably not so hard for some of you who know me, how good I was at it. I took many years to learn to stand on my own and at times, I may have gone overboard but when you balance it with what I have gained, it is worth every penny.

It is a tough world out there and like the old saying goes, If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. For each of us, learning to be ourselves is not a cookie-cutter experience. For some, it will take more practice, more energy and more work. This Story changed my life...

Giants, Wizards or Dwarf
Being left in charge of about eighty children, seven to eight years old, while their parents were off doing parenty things, I mustered up my troops in the church social hall and explained the game, It's a large-scale version of Rock, Paper and Scissors and involves some intellectual decision making...

I yelled out:, "You have to decide now what you are - Giant, Wizard or Dwarf!"

While the groups huddled in frenzied, whispered consultation, a tug came across at my pants leg. A small child stands there looking up at me and asks in a small, concerned voice, "Where do the Mermaids stand?".

Where do the Mermaids stand???

A long pause, a very long pause. "Where do the Mermaids stand,"says I.

"Yes, You see, I am a Mermaid."
"There are no such things as Mermaids."
"Oh yes, I am one!"

She did not relate to being a Giant a Wizard or a Dwarf. She knew her catagory. Mermaid. And she was not about to leave the game or go over and stand at the wall where a loser would stand. She intended to participate, wherever Mermaids fit into the scheme of things. Without giving up her dignity or identity. She took it for granted that there was a place for Mermaids and that I would know just where...So we stood there, hand in hand, reviewing the troops of Wizard and Giants and Dwarfs as they troiled by in wild disarray.

It is not true, by the way, that mermaids do not exist. I know one at least personally. I have held her hand... Robert Fulgrum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten.

Be yourself, it really is all you have that matters.

majoring in minors...

Coming home from seeing dh's dad this weekend, I caught the tail end of a preacher talking about how we spend alot of time majoring in minors. That could not be more true for me. Wish I could say that is was all in the past but that would be less than truthful, factual or actual.

I've said it before - I am a better person since taking paying careful attention to my grandkids. Learning to see through a child's eyes, has taught me more than I could ever have imagined. When you are raising your own children, you are in a different state of mind - trying to exist, endure and hopefully, survive. You tend to major in minors. Not that kids cause it but they do distort the landscape and make it more difficult to see. We come genetically predisposed to MIM and our lives leave behind little clues, everywhere we go.

The thing is, when you start to see things in a different light, you start ot act in a different way. You carry a lighter load and it is apparent to everyone around you. Some people don't like what they see.

Grow Up ... Act your age...These are the important things (insert current social values here)

I am constantly re-evaluating my majors and minors and making adjustments. It is an on-going process which takes time and commitment. There will always be a Struggle going on, I have to make choices and live with the consequences. I won't always get it right but not for a lack of trying.

We had a great day at the pumpkin festival yesterday. Their faces say it all. We played and we played hard. There were many other things we could have done yesterday but there is Nothing that would have kept me from joining them. Lesson learned - play when you can, fall won't last forever...

seven days...

My feelings about this week are all over the board. It has been a week of tragedy and strength. The Stories that have come my way could best be described as over the top. On any given day, Stories mostly range from 5 to 10. This week, they have all been 10. Maybe it's not the Stories themselves, maybe it is me...

Not ready to take full responsibility yet, as I think back over the last seven days - it has in a sense been, a wild ride. Our world seems to be overwhelmed with grief, actions that can't be explained with a rational explanation and the perverted justice that seems to prevail everywhere. Counter balance tells me a different Story. For the first time ever, this week - a doctor was in the exam room before me. Ok, that has never happened. Seemed weird to me at the time and still does. I had to go to a different doctor yesterday. The last time I went to a doctor twice in the same week was a less than pleasant time so I was reluctant to repeat it but pain will do that to you - make you do things that would never occur to you naturally.

At first, things looked bleak. A woman wanted to give me a tour or the facility. If I was accepted as a patient, this was the Pt room - here are the adjustment rooms, xray and bathrooms. I am serious thinking about bolting at this point. I had just filled out a 5 page information sheet that basically creeped me out. On one of the pages, they wanted to know if I had ever, 1. bought bottled water, 2. belonged to a health club or 3, taken vitamins. On a seperate page, they wanted to know if any relatives, including cousins and in-laws needed attention. I sat, feeling like a trap animal, through the whole process and in the end, came out feeling pretty positive. Today, I even feel a little better.

The pain is a little less today, in my back and my heart. I have followed one of our digi girl's walks thru the death of her 20 year old son in a freak skateboarding accident this week. Her family struggles to let go, knowing that he is with Jesus and not them now. I watched the Amish bury their little girls. The news reported this week that the very night of the shooting, the Amish families went to the gunman's home to extend their forgiveness and console her and her children. I prayed for a while for God to make me Amish - it never happened but a part of me will always idendify with them. I am Amish by nature and I am greatful for it.

Whatever your last 7 days has looked like, I hope there were some pumpkin perfect moments. Yesterday, we wandered around the pumpkin patch and enjoyed the sun on our faces and being together. No better way to spend a day - Happy Friday, love zalaine

mentor...

A few years ago I was on a active prayer train asking God to send me a mentor. I think at different times in our lives and for different reasons, we can benefit from having a point of view in our lives that is non-family, friends, church related. The AA programs have shown that having a sponsor can make or break a successful recovery. Young moms can sure use some advice from someone who has already been there. A few years ago, I met with the Women's Ministry leader of my church to discuss putting together a mentoring program. By the end of that meeting, we both knew that putting people together is not our job but God's and we didn't pursue it again.

When Brenning Manning spoke last weekend, he talked of his spiritual advisor and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. The problem is I have so many rules. She has to do this, feel this way about that and when I am all done, she pretty much resembles...me. I had pretty much put all this information into my request from God and she never showed up. Imagine that.

I am going to alter my requirements this time. Not unlike American Idol, in the past I 've seen different people walk across my stage and audition to be my mentor and I see myself giving them a 10 second window to wow me. While I still have a picture of what this person should look like, I will put that aside. I would prefer some one with a background like mine but it is not a deal-breaker if she doesn't. Imagine trying to be my sponsor? I hadn't thought of that before. Not for the faint of heart. My husband says I can wear a person out with my Q&A and all my thinking questions. I don't even think God would argue with me that she needs to be tough and perhaps, carry a big stick.

And if she never show up, I am good with that too. I have had such wonderful friends along the Way and while I hoped to never burden them, I am sure I have. The point is I want to be open to not being the Last Stop. There is a great deal to say about accountability, we don't always have all the answers or even know what the questions are.

So as the song goes, I'm leaving it all up to You - you decide what You want to do. I am giving it over to the One who knows me best. Poor thing, if you are out there, run as fast as you can while you can...

mentor...

A few years ago I was on a active prayer train asking God to send me a mentor. I think at different times in our lives and for different reasons, we can benefit from having a point of view in our lives that is non-family, friends, church related. The AA programs have shown that having a sponsor can make or break a successful recovery. Young moms can sure use some advice from someone who has already been there. A few years ago, I met with the Women's Ministry leader of my church to discuss putting together a mentoring program. By the end of that meeting, we both knew that putting people together is not our job but God's and we didn't pursue it again.

When Brenning Manning spoke last weekend, he talked of his spiritual advisor and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. The problem is I have so many rules. She has to do this, feel this way about that and when I am all done, she pretty much resembles...me. I had pretty much put all this information into my request from God and she never showed up. Imagine that.

I am going to alter my requirements this time. While I still have a picture of whe looks like, I will put that aside. I would prefer some one with a background like mine but it is not a deal-breaker if she doesn't. Imagine trying to be my sponsor? I hadn't thought of that before. Not for the faint of heart. My husband says I can wear a person out with my Q&A and all my thinking questions. I don't even think God would argue with me that she needs to be tough and perhaps, carry a big stick.

And if she never show up, I am good with that too. I have had such wonderful friends along the Way and while I hoped to never burden them, I am sure I have. The point is I want to be open to not being the Last Stop. There is a great deal to say about accountability, we don't always have all the answers or even know what the questions are.

So as the song goes, I'm leaving it all up to You - you decide what You want to do. I am giving it over to the One who knows me best. Poor thing, if you are out there, run as fast as you can while you can...

plain and simple...

I had an obsession with the Amish. Plain and simple. Objectively it made no sense. I, who worked hard at being special, fell in love with a people who valued being ordinary…Sue Bender, Plain and Simple.

When I read the prologue to Ms Bender’s book, it was as if she had read my mind. My fascination with the Amish began over 15 years ago. Their simple lifestyle drew me in. I even prayed that God would make me Amish. Sue Bender journey became my journey. I lived vicariously thru her. I ate, drank and sleep Amish. I surrounded my self with Amish faceless dolls and pieces of Amish quilts, large and small.

The philosophy of the Amish became a part of my personal fiber. They taught me the lesson of everyday sacred.

“ There was something unsettling about their quiet sameness, the holding-back way they carried themselves, almost merging with their surroundings. It was as if everyone had conferred beforehand and agreed that no one would stand out.”

Sue Bender was also drawn to the Amish and her Story is beyond compare. She aches to live among the Amish and perseveres until a family allows her to come live with them. Plain and Simple is her experience before and after her life with the strangers.

“ Time was full and generous. It was as if they had uncovered a way to be in time, to be a part of time, to have a harmonious relation with time”.

This week the Amish find themselves in a place they never considered. Their lives have been left in shambles and they are left to pick up the pieces with no history to draw on.

“ No distinction was made between the sacred and the everyday. Five minutes in the early morning and five minutes in the evening were devoted to prayer, The rest of the day was spent living their beliefs. Their life was all one piece. It was all sacred – and all ordinary.”

The Amish will recover from this intrusion into their community. The coming days will tell if they will change their ways. I am thinking, it is not likely to make them set up security cameras or put bars of the doors. These are a people who are sure of their faith and not afraid to live it.

“ What happens when a disaster comes?”
“ Everyone comes to the rescue,” he smiled, making it sound simple. I must have had a strange look on my face, for he added, “ You seem so worried, Really, there’s nothing unusual about it – we just pitch in. Nothing special about that.”

One family lost 2 daughters. Double the grief. Just knowing that they all pitch in, gives me hope.

“ In keeping with the simplicity of their lives, when someone dies, family members make a basic pine box coffin. White is never used in quilts but was saved for funerals. At the service the minister delivers a short eulogy that shows respect but offers no extravagant praise.”

May God bless them in this time. May their faith keep them strong. May they know Him, even more...

perserverance...

The one consistency in my childhood days was music. Day and night, music was always on, usually turned on full blast. Jerry Lee Lewis was a big part of that blast. In the late 50's, early 60's he was the Man. He was way bigger at my house than Elvis and right now, packed in a box are a handful of 45 RPM records - one, on the original Sun label is JLL's. Whole Lotta Shakin Going On. Truthfully, I didn't know he was still alive until a month ago and that he made a new CD blew by me completely.

I watched this great icon this morning on Imus In The Morning singing and playing Great Balls Of Fire, Whole Lotta Shaking Gonna On and a few more. I don't know how old he is - He has to be eighty or kissing close to it. He had a hard time walking but his vocals and piano playing skills would never have given that away. I had tears in my eyes as I watched the people around him - most of them born in the last couple decades, in awe, For those who remembered him, their youth was remembered all with the songs. Just before he started playing he talked about how he was to be a preacher. He got kicked out of bible college because he played, My God Is Real, boggie woogie style during chapel. Had he been successful, I guarantee you , I would have had a coming to Jesus moment, right there, right then, along with the rest of my family. He is related to Mickey Gilley and Jimmy Swaggert and they all grew up together in the same neighborhood. Imagine that.

The other night, a TV journalist was talking a guy he has known all his life. Whenever he see "Charlie", and asks how he is doing, Charlie always says, Fine-just fine. He says 40 years ago Charlie made started putting $200 a month in the stockmarket every month. EVERY MONTH - he never, ever missed a month. Always the same day of the month, always. He asked Charlie why he continued to put money in when the market crashed in the mid-90's. Charlie just shook his head and said, It was bound to turn around. Every month, the same amount, on the same day. Today, Charlie is worth over a million dollars.

There is much to be said for perserverance. I'm not so sure I would trade Jerry Lee Lewis for Pastor Jerry but his perservance I do envy. The perserverance I see in Charlie's Story reminds me I have all I need to bank myself in Christ. No matter what happens, everyday I push my faith in the path of Christ. It sounds like a cliche but what would I rather leave as a legacy, a millions dollars in cash or faith?

Absolutely no contest.
To persevere whether I can see or not.
To keep on marching when it looks bleak.

For me, today has already been quite a day. If you ask me, How are you doing? I would proudly say, Fine-just fine...

saturation...

There are times in our lives that we just hunger for Something More. Something that will satisfy that deep down longing. Scratch that itch that doesn't seem to go away. That is what this weekend was for me and it started Friday afternoon...

Had been trying to go to lunch with Keaton at his school for a week but we couldn't get our plans together. We thought we would try again on Friday and Gage decided he wanted to come too. Keaton was good with that so we stopped at McDee's on the way and and with our Happy Meals in hand, waited for Keaton. We could have sold those 2 HM about 100 times to all the kids who walked by on their way to lunch. " Wish we were having lunch with them" and "Boy, are they lucky", were the remarks we heard as the kids walked into the cafeteria. Then Keaton and his class show up and we all sit together at the 2nd grade table. It is loud and I am opening up everybody's chips and cooky bags. Gage is trying to talk to Keaton and he reachs his arm around his brother as only a brother can. I leave that place a little more convinced of Love that when I got there.

That evening, as I listened to Brenning Manning talk about the love of God, this picture of the boys came to mind. By the time I left the church and headed for home, I was starting to feel the saturation had started. I got home and fell into a deep sleep - reflection would have to wait until tomorrow. I got up early and did my homework and headed back to the church. We had 2 more sessions with Brennan and then home for lunch. As I drove thru Dairy Queen, it felt like I was reentering the world. My saturation now at about 80%. I had felt all along that what I had learned from Brenning Manning 10 or so years ago was Part 1 and this time, it was Part 2. I was older and ready to take on the rest. I wasn't ready the first time - this time I was. I finished out the afternoon and got home about 4PM.

At 5Pm, I was on my way to see Chonda Pierce. If you haven't seen her, take your girlfriends and go. She is funny, will make you laugh and she will also have you in tears. Her Story is one of heartbreak and redemption. She talks about menopause and clinical depression allinthesame sentence. We laughed with her and we felt her pain. It was a wonderful evening.

At this point, my saturation is at 110%. It is almost 10PM and crashing is all I have on my mind. Yesterday took all my energy just to get around. As I played with Keaton, Gage and Morgan, I was revitalized and the saturation started to take it proper place. Saturation is only valuable if there is action involved. I don't know how that is going to look in the coming days but I am looking forward to the process. It has to do with living out at my deepest core that God wants intimacy with me more than anything I can do for him. It has to do with understanding that the Fear of the Lord is about silent wonder and radical amazement and it's about understanding there are not too many times in a day that I can say, Abba, I belong to you...