As I sat and pondered yesterday, I could see myself in a hole, looking up. I could see daylight but the walls around me made escape seem almost insurmountable. I realized I didn't get this way overnight and instant gratification would not be coming my way any time soon.Looking back at a chain of events that have brought me to where I am feeling, tells the Story. Some of the things are within my control and some aren't. Over and over, I find myself forgetting that life is a process and that there is a natural ebb and flow. What I am content about is being able to finally settling down and know that it is time to breathe.
Not the breathing pattern that it takes to keep putting one foot in front of the other - but the kind of breathing that will restore your soul, deep down. Not looking forward to this neighborhood meeting about the halfway house, I have wandered around today somewhat aimlessly but with plenty of anger. I am wearing my anger right on the outside and it has erupted several times today about a few other things.
I need to believe that the love of Jesus is bigger than my combined issues. It is easy when you are living on the mountain-top to be super stoked about life but it is in the trenches that learn the lessons that will carry you on to the next place. Living between these two is where I need to spend some quality time.
I made a mental list with 2 columns. The first column listed all the things that are driving me crazy. Every little/big thing I could think of. Everything that had and continued to, trip my trigger. Quite a list - lots of reasonable and legitimate issues. When I finished, I simply wrote in the second column, The Love of Jesus and pondered there a bit.
I have to head out for the meeting soon. I am going to take my mental list with me - will probably have to add to the first column all thru the evening but I will also have my second column and the knowledge that I already have everything I need. It will be enough if I want it to be and I am, leaning that direction...
