Went yesterday for DH's pre op appointment. We were ushered into Nurse C's office and began the whole pre process. We quickly noticed that we were in the same Season of life and started swapping Stoires. She is a year older than DH doesn't look it. She is the breadwinner of her family, her husband had a recreational injury and can't do much for a long time.
In between an EKG and nothingtoeatordrinkaftermidnight, we talked retirement, health insurance and wanting to do the right thing. Then, she just said this...
You have to be brave.
It hit me like a brick and hasn't left yet. I have been in quite the mental tennis match on what to do and how to do it. The truth is, there is nothing I can do. For the first time in 45 years, when DH retires, we will no longer have health insurance until eligible for Medicare. To purchase a policy with a $10,000 deductable would take 3/4 of our pension.
You have to be brave.
I haven't been very brave lately and it is time. It is time to live with what you can do and not what you wish you could do. When I think of brave, I think to stand tough in the face of being beat up. To not just put on a good face but understand that life has pitfalls that you can not overcome no matter how tough you are. It is about being brave when you wish you could run as fast and far in the opposite direction as you can.
That is how I handled my last surgery. That was over 20 years ago and I had to be sedated before going into surgery. Would like to think I would do better this time but if history is any predictor of future behavior, I would imagine not.
One would think the idea of being brave might come easy and maybe it does for some. Love it in the movies but not so much in Real Life. Looks like I am going to get a second chance, hoping I will do better...
