housewife...

One thing I have been very conscious of this week is the end of the traditional housewife role for me. Not that I will not continue to cooking, cleaning and caring but that part where I say, goodbye in the morning and how's your day in the evening.

Understanding that we will have to learn a new dance, I have to say that I love, love being a housewife. Being that housewife for the last 15 years has brought me immeasurable joy. The hum of the dryer, the swish of the dishwasher. Starting to prepare dinner and the essence of 4PM.

4PM. A magical time for me. When the day heads Down The Path and I follow along. Ther is a mental transistion that takes place for me and a short window of reflection that takes me gleefully into, the evening.

I am so greatful for those 15 years. Starting tomorrow, it will look completely different and I will learn to love the rituals. Thank you for the memories, Miss Housewife. I have loved them so...

nourishment...

The kids have had their hands full this year with their little garden spot at their church. Every other day, they pile in the car and head out to check their green domain, turn on the water and check for progress. Monday morning during VBS, they found out that the well wasn't working and that evening when we all went to check and see if it was fixed, it wasn't. The temps have been pretty hot here and this beautiful corn is not going to last long without water. It will wither and die, pure science.

While we were there, we met a man who came prepared. Several 5 gallon buckets of water, he was obviously, taking no chances that the problem had been solved. He had no lids and had obviously lost some precious liquid driving to the garden but at least, he would have a fighting chance of saving his bounty.

People are very much like gardens, very similiar indeed. Without water, we n't make it very long. We all carry water bottles wherever we go. I have been trying to up my daily water intake but found out last night, I need to drink a two liter bottle of water a day. You are kidding me right? Maybe if it is filled with Diet Coke or I have nothing else to do but hang around bathrooms. We may have to work our way up but starting today, there will be an empty 2 liter Diet Dr Pepper bottle, filled with water and we will see what we cn do. I don't want to wither and all that comes with it. Time to water up. Hope the corn has the same result...

car shows...

I am a very non-car show girl married to a very car show guy. He can't help himself, I try to tell myself it is like me with a camera. That helps but looking at engines and shiny surfaces with no chance of a ride, just makes me...sad.

This was the sign by one of the dressed up jalopies. I would venture a guess that this guy did not know as much about his wife as he did this car. As with all things Men, I think we ladies sometimes resent not that they have a hpbby but the amount of emotional energy that they put into said hobby/sport. All we really want is a piece of the action. Maybe that is all they want from us too.

And because of that, I will trot myself around said car shows, take my camera and make the best of it with as little whining as possible. I will tell myself to suggest ice cream after these mini pagents and look forward to said ice cream. It is about give and take and not coming in last. If you can do that for him and he for you, you've got Something to talk about...

Day 5...

Summer is in full swing, according to the calendar. We have already have the longest day of the year. From now on, the days get shorter.

In this neck of the woods, we experience daylight until 10 PM for a few weeks. Nothing could make some of us happier. Wake up to light, and almost go to bed with it. It is the time of year when going to Sonic at 1030PM seems almost, the reasonable thing to do.

At our house, we are entering into new territory. Come Friday, everyone who lives here will be retired. Big retirement party with family and old friends on Friday and then we are off into the Wild Blue Yonder. Like DH says, it still doesn't seem real.

Whatever your summer had brought so far, hoping you can find some Light to bask in. To be warm from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, literally and figurtively. Whether the hum of summer is a familiar one or brings new light, find it and thrive...

big...

Your world is as big as you want it to be...

We could all probably agree that the world is a Big place. Most of us will never see much of it in person but thanks to the internet, we can go about anywhere we want. Whatever our intensity of interest is, one can get a sense of others and their effect in the world.

So the real questins is, how big do you want your world to be? I realize mine is quite small. My curosities of Things Far Away are pretty slim. No urge to travel, to see and experience different cultures. Right or wrong, that is the way I am wired. My world, the want I want and have structered, is one of local. One of the here and now. I am a Keeper of Here.

I imagine and hope, that the One who made me, knew this. While I keep my eyes and mind open, I no longer feel bad about this. If I am to think differently, my mind will be changed like it has about many, many things. Until then, the Keeper of Here is my world and whatever that looks like, I am good with...

follow...

Everybody follows somebody. All of us make decisions every day about what is important, how to treat people, and what to do with our lives. These decisions come from what we believe about every aspect of our existence. And we got our beliefs from somewhere. We have been formed, every one of us, by this complicated mix of people and places and things...We are each taking all of these influences and living our lives according to teachings we have made our own. Some insist that they aren't influenced by any person or any religion, that they think for themselves. And that is an honorable perspective from...somebody. They're following somebody even if they insist it is themselves they are following...Everybody is following somebody. everybody has faith in something and somebody. We are all believers. Rob Bell.

monkey on your back...

Yesterday was a bad day. before the sun was even up, panic had set in.

After 46 years of having health insurance, there were less than 10 days to get a couple of procedures the doctor thought I should have done. With his words in my head, I went ballastic. Pain can cause you to lose your focus, mine was completely gone.

The 2 procedures would do nothing to fix the problem. They would indicate that either, nothing was wrong or I needed surgery. I panicked and thought I needed to get them both done, at any cost. Late into the night, it occurred to me that perhaps that was not the case. By the light of day, I was convinced that spending thousands of dollars was not the answer.

Is it the right decision? Time will tell. Exercise is my friend at the moment and as for the tailbone pain, I hope we part ways soon. I never do well in Panic mode. It isn't the right place to make big choices. It is the time to weep and understand that all you can do is make the best decision with all the information you have, at the time. Time will tell but for right now I am making choices without a monkey on my back and that, if nothing else, feels right...

day 10...

10 days until his retirement. Now he says, it is starting to feel unreal.

The company decided to replace him with four guys. They call them D's Angels. They have turned out, not to be so. In fact, as of this week - it looks like one angel has been permentently removed. That leaves only three. Next month, one of the Angels has National Guard duty for a good chunk of time. That leaves only two. The way the company has set this new system up, it will impossible to do with two.

There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to. His days are numbered and the place that has depended on him for 46 years, will have to learn a new way. No one is indispensable. Whatever the company decides to do, it is their decision.

DH decisions are far and few between these last days. Yesterday he was asked about his favorite color by the retirement decorating person. He wanted to go with black but compromised with dark blue. Those are the kind of things he should be thinking about because in 11 days, all he is left with is me and that is handful enough for any one...

the good and the bad...

How do we think?
How do we learn?
Where is our focus?

Take the elements of good and bad. How do we learn to tell one from the other? It has been my experience that someone, somewhere decided that the way to teach good, was to focus on the bad. Bad, Bad - what does it look like? We study the bad to death, and focus very little on the good. The idea is most certainly, that if we know the bad, inside and out, we will have no problem identifing it when it comes our way but does it work that way?

I understand the the way people are trained to spot counterfeit money is by studying real money so that when the counterfeit is presented, it is so obvious and the detection is made instantly. The focus is on the good, making the bad, stand out like a sore thumb. If you focus on the bad, you never have a real sence of the good and that, it seems to me, would be the real tragedy...

Father's Day...

My girl's family has a little plot of garden on their church's property. Those who wished to get their garden on, dug trenches to get the water to the 14 or so gardens and now, the gardens are starting to thrive.

I don't know much about gardening. Personally, I have a black thumb. Tried again last year with a cactus in a small planter on my front porch and Neighbor Mike's cat, dug it out. I am of the persuasion that maybe some of us are meant to buy what other people, grow. I fully expect to buy corn from the kids in a few months.

The corn and other crops doesn't grow by accident. They have to head to the church and water it, every other day. Without any help, everything would shrivel up and die. No water, no garden. It is true everytime, no matter who you are.

Kids are quite the same, except for the every other day part. They are everyday. They need nourishment, guidance and regular maintenance to keep going. To thrive, they need momma and daddy Miracle Grow. It is not a job for the faint of heart.

You want Something to grow, there is hard work to do. Someday, it will pay off. These little people will grow up knowing they were loved. Happy Father's Day Chad, we heart you so...

vanity...

vain:

1. excessively proud of or concerned about one's own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc.

It occured to me this week that perhaps, one can live in a state of vanity, until the day they die. Have we not all noticed the 70 years woman who without the benefit of Cher or Joan Rivers funding, still dress like they are a teenager. Or the obituaries that feature a photo taken 50 years ago.

We now live in a youth-driven culture. I know several people who not in the 20's who say it is virtually impossible to get a job. If you are over 60, your chances drop even more. So perhaps the idea that dressing younger, might help. is plausible. Maybe the thing about vanity that bothers me the most is not that the physical is difficult to admit but it is the idealogy and attitude that comes with it.

I remember my mother wearing a short, 2 piece bathing suit, 20 years after she shouldn't have. I have a photo of her posing, Marilyn Monroe style that creeps me out, to this day. I admit I have a difficult time with women my own age, all my friends are at least 10 years younger but the ones I am attracted to are the ones who have accepted their age and are doing it with dignity and common sense. No illusions about what Season they are in life and living it to their best. That is how I want to be. Not fuddy-duddy but not trying to change back the clock but any means necessary.

I have heard it said that getting older is a gift that not everyone gets. That one sentence got me through my 60th birthday and it is still with me today. However, make no mistake. If money and fear of surgery were not as issue, I would be having one of those Lifelift things where I could look 50 again...Really?

Day 17...

You don't get to be almost 64 without collecting some wisdom. Whether you ever use it or not is personal and varies wildly from person to person.

You establish routines. Those that work for you are incorporated and become second nature. Some turn out to be passing fancies and don't see the light of day, for long.

I don't know how many of these journals he has. For as long as I can remember, he has carried them to every church service we have gone to. Doesn't matter what church, it is a way that he captures not only what is being preacher but his drawings are evidence of what is going on in his head.

Many, many of these pages have detailed drawings of motorcycles. Last week, it started with a sword. A few words resonated with him and at the end of the 1/2 hour of so, the page is finished. His daughter has said, she wants these journals, Someday.

We all process information differently. I used to think he wan't paying attention when he was drawing. I didn't get it but I do now. Last Sunday, I documented the process from start to finish. Sometimes, wisdom comes in the strangest of places...

June 12...

It's the day I became gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
It's the day I became forever in love with someone who is half, me.
And while she is her own woman, and has her own children, she will always, always
be my little girl.

We spent the day in the sand and water, complete with a picnic.
We watched the kids splash and play.
It was the perfect way to celebrate, her.

Later, we would go out to dinner and back home for a mean game of badmintion.

I asked her if money and time were no object, where would she like to spend her birthday? She couldn't come up with anything. Sometimes simple is what we need. Not to overthink, or overcelebrate but just ot be in the Moment and today, we very much were.

needs to be moved...

Wouldn't be fabulous if one could attach this sign to other things in our lives? Immediately imagined themes like attitude,or mental tapes that keep playing in my head.

Have never not had someone take any thing we put at the curb with a free sign on it. The meighbor next door was asking how to get rid of an old lawn mower, he was also advised of our get rid of it quick action. Not sure how long this house an sign have been there. Out in the middle of nowhere, but on the road leading to the popular local lake, you can help but see it.

I use to think that garbage is grabage and that we are all on the same page about that, but that is no longer the case. Yard sales have taught me that if you find the right buyer, you can sell anything. Empty plastic diaper wipe containers are popular at yard sales. I use to walk buy them and wonder, who in the world would take these home and no less, buy them? Watch a couple of seasons of Hoarders and you will know that trash is king.

But the truth is, getting rid of the issues in our lives is not as easy as setting them out at the curb. While there is a Part of each of us that we would gladly give away freely to get it off our backs, this is not the solution. we have to work through them, divide and conquer. Do the hard work that it takes. Find the trash in our lives and dispose of it, bit by bit. Not unlike the sign, we have have to know that Something in our lives, needs to be moved. That is the hardest part. After realizing and making the decision, the rest is fairly doable. The hard part has been done. Yet I can help wishing, it was as easy as the sign says...

McDonalds...

I have friends that brag about not going to McDonalds...You may never have step foot in a McDonald's but you have your own McDonalds. Maybe instead of buying a Big Mac, you read Us Weekly. Hey, that is still McDonalds, it is just served up a little differently. Or you tell yourself that that Starbuck Frappacino isn't a milkshake or maybe, you watch Glee. It's all McDonalds. McDonalds of the soul. Momentary pleasure followed by incredible guilt, eventually leading to cancer, I'm Lovin It. We all have our own McDonalds.Jim Gaffigan/Mr Universe.

We have all done it. If you have a kid, it is not quite as embarrassing but without a kid, pulling in to a Mc Donalds finds you in a Place you don't want to Be. You might consider confessing to almost anything other than being there for lunch. But, like all good humor, when it is 95% true, it is laugh until it hurts, true.

I admit there are times that is seems to be a good idea to go have a Big Mac, although I wait for it to pass. Have a tougher time passing on the Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit. Even the grands don't like McDonalds anymore. There will tell you, It is not Real Food. That is Something, coming from kids.

From one who has had income from making McDonalds fries forever, it may a bit disloyal but there are greater virtues. I will say that is nothing like a fresh McDonalds fry eaten right off the production line. Nothing. Mama could never cook like that.

But Jim is right, we all have McDonalds in our lives. Things we eat, do or say that are not good for us yet, we do them anyway. We have heard all the warnings, are knowledgeable beyond measure and still, we choose to take the low road. We hope no one sees us and if they do, we are ready to lie, right there and then. Good words, Mr Gaffigan...

day 24...

After having medical insurance for 46 years, we are headed to Places unknown. Nowhere is it written that life is fair and no more than when it comes to the simple, basics that we all have come to take, for granted.

As we count the days to Retirement 2.0, we are also trying up a few loose ends. The first few months will most certainly be lived, one day at a time. It will take a few months for SS and a company pension to kick in. The good thing is, we are mentally ready. The last 14 years, have been a great training ground. I can cook better than 90% of the meals we eat out. It is the first time in my life, I have been successful at saving money. we are ready, as much as we can be.

So, we focus on what we do have control over. I expect in 50 or so days, DH will have the start of a great beard. I always imagined him with a full, manly beard. I also imagined him with hair when this whole look would happen and we all know how that turned out. Life is full of holes. Full of expectations that never see the light of day and it is our duty, to plan but to let the fluidity of life - flow. It is normal for a tree to sway, bending farther than one could imagine. Back and forth, until it looks like there is nothing left to do but break. If the tree is rigid, there will be no movement and the break will come, much faster. I want my tree to be taken down to the ground, over and over and over again, then, look the sky in the face and say, is that all you've got?. Let's see if it is possible, let's take a chance...

file, close...

This is a visual of what it feels like when my brain is full.

Starting with the color. Color brings passion, at its best and crazyness, at its worst. That is why I prefer black and white, mostly. My favorite image of color is when there is just a pop of one specific color and all the others, just fall in line.

When my brain is full, the colors all run together. Like if you melt a bucket of crayons, they all run together. You can't tell where one starts and ends. I know this seems to be rambling but when I work 99% in the planned, carefully arranged, and anal world and I step into the world of Life, there really is a difference in perception. Life is messy, it is unkind, it is extremely unpredictable. It is a world where bad news can come at any time and while we wait for it be different, sometimes we just have to be. To those of you who are heavy on my mind, I pray. For those who cross my path, either in thought or deed, I pray. For those who make me laugh throught it all, may God bless you, BIG...

Kickstarter

Done with Facebook? So over Pinterest? Ready to take a chance at something new?

Kickstarter, have you heard of it? It allows us, the consumer to help get in on the ground floor of the New and Now. There are projects in many different areas of interest, that are waiting to be funded by us, Joe Public. Technology, art, books - someone brings their project to the virtual table and you have a chance to decide if you would like to help fund the said project and at what level. I took the plunge last week and have a new, smaller stylus for my iPad coming that sounds fabulous.

Not all projects meet their minimum and never get off the ground. Some are over funded by 100's of percent. There is a new invention sheriff in town and a new way of doing things. Fun to see some local projects too. Imagine there will be many more of this type of creative, outlets. It gives each one of us a chance, to take that one terrific idea and make it come to life. At any given time, we all have ideas and inventions floating around in our little heads. We carry them around for years, and then we see them of TV. As Seen On Tv - someone stole my idea.

The future is bright and the future is here. Not looking to reinvent the wheel, but a fresh start with new eyes. Ideas coming to life, looking forward to it all...

spiritual gifts...

In almost every church I have attended, at one time or another, there was a semi-forced ritual of taking a spiritual gifts class. Much like the hit Hallmark takes for promoting Valentine's, Mothers and Fathers Day - there is a bit of self promotion involved.

When you take the test, realize what your gifts are, then you can be plugged into the church in your given field. I don't remember the questions or answers of any of mine but I do about the last one that DH took. After politely answers all the questions, he came up very strong in hospitality. If you have spent five minutes with him, you would know - this is so not true. He loves to talk to people. He once talked to a complete stranger at a street fair for over an hour. We thought it was a long lost friend as we impatiently waited, and waited and waited for him to finish. By the time he did, we were past caring who this guy was and when we found out he was a stranger, some of us went off.

I don't remember anyone at the church trying to plug him into any hostessing duties. Where he really shined was at one church during a fact finding committee trying to build a new santuary and his sharing that for a buliding that is used less than 10 hours a week, it didn't make sense to spend a gazillion dollars to build a new building. I was never more proud of him. Imagine a few someone's on that committe wished his hospitality skills had been put to use, elsewhere.

The Stories of Noah, David and Abraham seem to point to God not caring much about spiritual gifts but rather, His Will. Paul, Peter and the other disciples, did not seemed to come with gifts, not even having the simple gifts of faith, prayer and hope. God doesn't seem to care too much about what you have been graced with but what you are willing to do. Make no mistake, if you choose him - it is a rocky road. There is chaos, pain, and grief in the midst of whatever gifts you have been given. We all have special gifts and talents, do we always use them or use them correctly? If we let ourselves go and do what is uncomfortable, goes against our grain, so to speak...what happens? We add to our experience and what was unfamiliar, is not familiar. It is human nature to think a bit grand of oneself if we feel like we have a handle in that area. We also are hesitant, if we think we don't know much about where we are at. It is God who gives the spiritual gifts, when and for long, we need them. They may last a moment or a lifetime, ours is not to figure out why. Ours is to live in the Moment.

the mother in all of us...

There is a very distinct drive in most women to love and protect. I would rather face a hundred men with guns drawn that a mother who is trying to protect her own. Whether to comfort or to worry, the thinking process of one who gave birth is always the same, no matter what age the child is. My amount of mind time about my girl is no different than when she was seven, only the circumstances have changed. If I perceive she is in danger, I will go after the Danger, the same way I have my entire life. We can't protect our children against everything, it is not possible and we have have to live with that. But, on my watch, there is a Real and present threat to whoever crosses our paths.

To comfort your child, is also, always a constant. You never want to stop hugging your kids but you need to balance it out with a bit of timing. Just like not grabbing your almost teenage grandson at school, because you are so happy to see him...give him a high five and a big hug later.

I am so glad I got to be a mother. It is something that I always dreamed of being. It is an honor to have one to love and cherish, whose blood is the same as yours, yet, her own person. Someone to celebrate and cry with. Someone to pray for. Someone, to love with your whole heart...