From everything I have read, those of us whose primary female caregivers were nuts, suffer in many ways rendering us a bit odd. Because of my situation, I turned to the males in my family for love and comfort and didn't see that their kind of crazy until it was too late. In those early years, the men were the lesser of two evils so I grew up with a distorted view of life and later, would need therapy for that.
That being said, I would find a man and marry him. In some ways, he was the opposite of every man I had known up. I didn't realize how crazy the men in my life were until I met DH. My point of reference had always been the men in my life. I like men - I distrusted women. Men good - women bad. That took ALOT more therapy to work thru but I am think I am thru the worst of it.
Don't worry - I am not after your men. One of the points of this is to say, if I ever find myself
a widow, there will be no more men for me. At this point in my life, I have a bittersweet relationship with the male species and I think it best to keep it that way. I can't tell you how difficult it was to see God portrayed as a spiritual father. I had a hard time swallowing that one. It has taken many years to seperate the two in my head. If God had been portrayed as a woman, we wouldn't be here right now. I could never have walked thru that door.
Funny how healing comes. The first half of my life was a horrific nightmare and the second half sent a great husband, a wonderful son-in-law and two of the finest grandsons ever. I have met some fine men along the way. I didn't know that not all men take a pair of underwear in a paper bag with them on a date in case they get lucky. My point of reference has shifted and God is working on me. It will take the rest of my life to process what I know and not until I see Jesus, will it be over.
In the meantime, I will continue and move on. There is nothing quite like hear a bunch of men laugh. It still just makes me smile and while I think sometimes I would be more comfortable at a Men's Retreat than a Ladies Retreat, I need to mingle with my own kind. Women - I understand them more now but that is a whole other post...
