too much...



SANDPOINT, Idaho - A Sandpoint man whose family received a house from the "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" television program is putting it up for sale.

Eric Hebert said maintaining the home is too expensive and time-consuming as he raises his late sister's 11-year-old twins, Keely and Tyler.

"It's a little too much for the three of us," he said.

Hebert is worried that community members who helped build his home in November 2006 will think he is selling it to make a profit.

"I'm doing it not to lose money," he said. "I just hope people understand the reality of it."

Hebert is single, works full-time in construction and spends most evenings taking the kids to baseball and soccer practice. He said wants to enjoy his time with his niece and nephew, whose mother, Francine Hebert, died in 2004 of a heart attack at age 37.

Maintaining the 3,600-square-foot home is expensive, he added. Since moving in, Hebert said, his bills have tripled.

Sullivan Homes co-owner Lori Sullivan said she understands Hebert's plight. Sullivan Homes was the primary contractor on the project. A number of other contractors from Bonner County and the Spokane area also helped, along with hundreds of local volunteers.

"It's too bad it's a burden for him," Sullivan said. "We're sad for Eric."

Hebert said he would not trade the "Extreme Makeover" experience for anything. He believes it has changed his life and the children's for the better, citing their opportunity to travel to Washington, D.C., meet many caring people in the community and own the home.

But he said he doubts he will ever again live in such a nice home.

The house and the one-acre property it sits on are listed for sale for $529,000. Hebert also owns another two acres adjacent to the home and has listed that property for $160,000.

Hebert said he loves the home's layout and its private location, but after six months of thinking about what to do, he said he had to be realistic.

The home includes three bedrooms, three and a half baths, a bonus room, an office, and a master bedroom with access to a deck that includes a fireplace and hot tub.

Two large windows in the two-story great room overlook a tree farm. The floors are covered with hardwood and slate.

Hebert worried about how the the kids would react, but said they understand his decision.

Hebert is unsure what he will do once the home sells. He may stay in the area, because he has a lot of friends and some family here. He may also move to Montana.

"One thing at a time," he said.

Hebert moved from Montana to Sandpoint to care for the children when it appeared they would otherwise end up in the foster-care system. He moved them out of a rundown trailer and into a "berm house," described as a daylight basement with a roof. In the "Extreme Makeover" program, the berm house was demolished and replaced in a week with a large, two-story house.


Believe me, I am preaching to the choir here. As much as I have always loved EM, I could not help but think at every episode - why don't you build 3 or 4 smaller houses? Why does it have to be so BIG, to be good?. People who find themselves in these situations don't have the financial equipment to clean up long after the EM crowd is gone. How much is too much? Why do we give/do/think in excess believing we are doing a Good Thing? Does it always have to be Over The Top? Are we upset when people can't/won't/chose not to, play along. Helping can be a little thing or a big thing, it all depends on your view. Eric, may your Journey be long filled with lots of love and your days, overflowing with joy. Good luck in Montana!

Millennials...

Move over Baby Boomers - here come the Millennials...

Over 80 million strong - born between 1980 and 1995, they are here, they are all about themselves and they are not going to change, we are going to have to adapt.And, don't forget the praise.

This generation is all abut me and they are all winners.They were raised by doting parents and their work ethic is friends and fun first, employers - you can take this job and shove it. Having seen how their parents invested themselves, giving all they had to the Job - these guys will have no part of it. They are tech savvy, major multi-taskers, only take yes for an answer, are amazingly clever and their number one priority - they come first. They are praise hounds, all about collecting trophies for anything they do and live in a world where narcissism is not a bad thing. And don't forget the praise.

The theorists blame Mr Rogers, where they learned they were special. 60% of college grads move home and think it is a very good thing. They think it is their right to not grow up before thirty, ie - to be responsible for bills and such hence their creed that no one over thirty is to be trusted. And, don't forget the praise.

If you are an employer, you must hire consultants to train you. You must learn how to motivate this teenage babysitting pool to be productive. They were not prepared for Real Life and must be coached instead of bossed. They expect a confetti parade just for showing up to the job. They are incorrigible. And don't forget the praise.

This is the future. We have taught them well and now, they are teaching us. One of the things they are seeing in the corporate sector is that mommies are becoming involved in their kids professional lives, when things do go so well. We saw this last week at DH job when a 24 year old who was on the job for less than 8 weeks due to excessive tardiness let his mommy write a scathing letter of itiseveryoneelsesfaultbutmyboy to the CEO of the company. He didn't get his job back but there were repercussions that tickled down. And, don't forget the praise.

Millennials - now I can put a name to the faces I have seen. Shaking my head, no realizing that they are here to stay and it will be us who must change. It all makes sense now. Maybe it's not all bad - job first has never yielded a good return. Too many have put work in front of family life. I have got to believe that we can learn something from the M's. I promise to be harsh with you and try to see it from your standpoint. I hope we can be friends and I REALLY promise, not to forget the praise!

You and me...



Within the first 10 seconds of the funeral, I knew I was in trouble. When the worship team that had once been my once-a-week staple started singing, the tears started to flow. Made it through that then we were warned to hold on, strap on our seat belts and prepare for quite a ride.

It was not your typical memorial service and that is what I expected. What I didn't expect was how my emotions took over and refused to let up. I saw people I hadn't seen in years and wanted to stay for the reception afterwards but we needed to get Keaton and get to baseball. It was Reds against Parents night and popa was going to be playing. It was tough to switch from funeral mode to baseball mode so I enjoyed watching my boys play ball and put off thinking about the Big Picture for the day.

In the last few days, I have had a chance to absorb what I have been feeling. I realized that the tears were tears of joy for what had been. It was a wonderful time in my life and I had much vested in that church experience. When you get the warm fuzzies, you usually only see the good stuff and tend to neglect what was not so great. I realized that since that experience, I have protected myself in a way I didn't realize until a few days ago. Even being a part of starting a new church and being wildly successful, in the eyes of church plants - I held back. I never wanted to experience that pain again. It has been said that only christians shoot their own armies and that is so very true. That being said, I have made my share of mistakes and the more days I have behind me, the clearer the plank in my own eye becomes.

When I first walked into the curch that afternoon, I couldn't helpe but think about the Chapman's and how within a few days would find themselves in a sanctuary such as this. I thought about all the people who would help them say goodbye and I thought about their boy. I was so encouraged to read that at one point 2000 people stood and applauded as his brother said, "I haven't always been a good brother," one of the Chapman boys said. "Just like my dad helped Maria, I hope I help my brother. … (God) healed Maria in a way we don't like, but he's going to heal (my brother) in a way we're going to like."

So at the end of the day, all we have is Christ. It is about the two of us. Our everyday life together. Warm fuzzies be dammed - it is personal, it is constant and it is more real than I could ever have imagined. Even with all the fall out from that church experience, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Another notch in the Belt of Life.

Live
Learn
Move On
Come Back
Or Not...

You and me. Life is good. Keep Walking...

a child of God...



If you know anything about Steven Curtis Chapman and his family, you know about Love. Every concert of his that I have ever been too, revolves around his family. His wife and kids are everything to him...

Yesterday, they lost Maria,, their 5 year old daughter. She was run over by their teenage son in the driveway of their home. Something that is impossible to fathom. They have some dark days ahead of them so please remember them in your prayers - their family website will give you an idea of the Love this family shares.

As I was getting ready for the day this morning, they were heavy on my mind. I was also thinking ahead to the funeral I was going to this afternoon. Some might say that Pastor Orv had some good 67 years here but that is not the measure of a child of God. Maria just celebrated her 5th birthday 10 days ago - in our humanness we would all agree, her time should have been longer.

This is my point - even as we have traveled Down This Road with Angie and Audrey Caroline, with Pastor Orv and now Maria, there has to be some kind of celebration on some level that these precious children of God are now with Him. This isn't an either/or situation. You can mourn freely, cry out to God and still, in the deepest depths of who you are, know that being a child of God is the true gift.

I pray for Maria's brother. May he also accept that he is a child of God and forgive himself. A burden for anyone to carry but for a teenager, a tough road to journey through. May his family give him grace and support him through their own grief. May they heal together and be stronger than before.

I will take the Chapman family with me today as I celebrate with the Halley family. We are a part of each other, we grieve together, we pray together and we celebrate together. We are children of the Living God...

Library...

My town wants to build a new one. They have been desperately begging everyone they possibly can to make it happen. Looks like they finally got their way. 1.645 million is what it is going to cost, so far.

I am not anti-library. One of my best memories of childhood is the summer spent reading book after book after book. Nancy Drew, to be more specific. It was a glorious time of being safe and cool. To read about Nancy's adventures with her cousin Beth and her boyfriend whowantednothingbuttoloveher Ned, were like manna to me. It was one of the most memorable times of my life.

That was also almost 50 years ago.
Before computers.
Before instant access right from your home, to any information you could imagine.
Before the internet and Netflix and Costco and you know, Netflix for books, is right around the corner.

Most everyone I know has a computer. Most families have multiples. I only know one family who does not currently have internet access and am pretty sure they would not consider using the library, they are My Space kind of people, young and hip. The library, as we know it now, is a dinosaur - the need that it served, is no longer there. It can't be resurrected - its time is now gone. Let's say, conservatively that 20% of people still use the library and that is a big if, let's build a 20% library.

A 20% library would still be able to have Story Hour for kids - that is the most important function of a library, in my humble opinion. Teach them the love of books and they will go find them. We live in a different world. Sometimes it is difficult to let go but it certainly is time to start making decisions based on reality not emotions. Our library just finished a battle whether 2 sex books should be IN the library. Someone brought a lawsuit about whether The Joy of Gay Sex should be accessible to everyone and the library gave in and put it on the top shelf. Problem solved...except for sneaky Eddie, who is having his own issues, moving a chair where needed for added height.

I need to get on that Netflix thing for books - that could be a winner. I'm sorry Library. Thank you for all the great memories - I hope there is still a Miss Susie or Miss Mary to read Stories to the kids. Give them the love of reading to take with them and you will have done your job proudly. It takes a big library to see The Big Picture - hope you are up for the challenge...

PS. I sent a copy of today's post to Mayor Tom today. I hope it gives him some direction in his own thinking, not for Nampa but for himself because that is all each of us really has.

flexible...



This theme of being flexible has been with me for a few weeks now. I have started to recognize not only its benefits but seeing myself being pulled in that direction. Flexible is not a word that I or anyone who knows me might associate with my bad self. I kind of like the idea that I might flex and not break, be bent completely over and be able to bounce back to my original self.

We are experiencing a week where we are having to be flexible. We are in the middle of a unfair, caught off guard, humbling experience that is hitting us in the emotional and physical wallet. We will survive but we will never be the same. Hoping to not become completely cynical, we have trying to laugh about it, learn what needs to be learned and go about our business. Life is unfair, that is one lesson we are well aware of and in a strange way, gives us peace through this ordeal.

A friend called this morning and told me a Story she heard this weekend at the Beth Moore Ladies getaway. Texas ( could just as easy have been Idaho) A women was having some furniture delivered to her home, apparently she had cleaned, in anticipation of this new furniture so when the delivery men came, she asked them to take off their shoes - they refused, she pulled out a gun and is now in jail.

I get her point. What was so unreasonable about her request. Maybe the gun was only used to encourage them to see it her way. I had to laugh and in the process, I discovered I was filled with joy. I read this morning that joy is internal and happiness is external so inspite of wanting to hurt a few people, I am giddy that joy is so close to my surface. It tells me that my flexable days are in full swing and hopefully, will make a semi-permanent home. In the meantime, I am pulling up my Big Girl panties and encourage DH to do the same (you know what I mean).

Whatever else the Day brings, what an great thing to know that you can ebb and flow to its beat. What else does one really need to know? There is great peace in that thought for me today. That is all I needed to hear...

age...



There is some 83 years that seperate Gigi and Miss M. Gigi has seen things that Miss M could never imagine and visa versa. Gigi had some medical issues almost 6 years ago so while there isn't much conversation that goes on between them, all they really need to do is love on each other, every once in a while.

I remember being 19 and mad. Here I am 56, and still mad - all though generally, it is more passion driven-than that angry feeling of my youth. A wise friend once told me she thinks our true nature comes out the older we get. We have talked about trophy grandparents - those who would rather show you their grandparent resume than tell you about their active involvement. That could be said for almost every area of our lives. Then you have the opposite end, where it is all about the Doing. How do you strike a balance?

Can you strike a balance when you are young? My experience tells me know but I dont' know if that is universally correct. One of the things I look forward to everyday is learning Something. Something that will make the lives of me and everyone around me, better. That would never have been Something I would have considered in my 20's or 30's and would only have been vaguely aware, feeling a gentle stirring in my 40's.

I wish I could ask Gigi about a lot of things. My family is all gone, no one to ask. If I could I would ask her - What life lessons helped you the most? What hurt the most? What would you change, good and bad - if you could do it all over again? Where are the traps? Where are the joys?

While I may not have anyone to get answers for myself, I know the questions that I can pass down. I would imagine that they might wonder about the same things I wonder about. I am convinced that some things can only come with age and with that age, comes the responsibility to share your perspective as honestly as you can. No christmas card theology, just a balance of truth and perception.

So I will take up where Gigi left off. I hope whatever I can answer will be of value to you guys. Ask away - I will tell you as honestly as I can and you will have to decide what to keep and what to throw away. Keep in mind that Someday it will be your turn to share. The true circle of life...

the Times of your lives...



Long after my gkids other grandma forgives us for having a surprise 60th birthday party for her this weekend - she will have this wonderful memory to keep her company. All else (we hope) will fade and this day will be remembered for simply being what it is - a day that celebrated her with girlfriends and grandkids. How could anyone stay mad at those cute little faces?

It gets tougher and tougher to remember most everything, the older you get. It is just a Fact. You can do little things to strenghen your memory but age takes it toll for each of us, eventually.

I went to church this morning. I admit, it has been awhile. I have a church book that I take with me to write and doodle in. For me, church is a wonderful place to be creative. I always start with the month and date, just in case I need that info for later. I opened my book and glanced at the last entry.

Jan something 2008
like less than the 10th

Must have been having a GOOD DAY. Sounds like Crazy Connie was taking over. The next paragraph was about faith being like a trampoline. Faith must be allowed to flex, grow, shrink and stretch. Godd stuff - maybe the day was getting better.

The last journal entry was about Gage and his watercolor painting experience a few days before. Apparently he was more interested in changing the color of the paint water than the paper he was painting on. It says he was trying to change the water by adding paint with his brush, to the water. Side note says, this was about seeing life from a different angle. Not bad preaching for a Sunday.

Today, I knew what the month and date was and recorded that in my church book. I jotted down a few thoughts but nothing profound. Maybe I think better when I am obvious to life around me. See Grandma Sue, you never know where Wonderful may come from, even in the most likely of places...

repetition...



Had my Tomato Bisque soup at the Brick yesterday and couldn't resist snapping a few photos. Every time I go there, I have to get my camera out. There is nothing new but I still feel the Need.

I realize that ER has a repetition feel to it. While it seems random to me - ER, from my perspective, is meant to be a growing experience - learning to be in the Moment, is much to my protests - repetitive in nature. Just today, I realized that it is because much of life is repetitive. It also occurred to me that we are not very good at learning the First Time.

If we were...If we learned the First Time - Every time, what would our lives look like? I imagine it would look pretty much like what The Garden looked like before the The Big Incident. Don't spend much time there because, most of the time, I am convinced I would have made better choices than THOSE involved. Wow, no ego issues there. What were they thinking? Don't go there, God said. What part of Don't go there is so difficult to understand?

Pick Me! Pick Me!... I would absolutely have done what God said.
Really...like you do now?
Why is it that now, I have to learn lessons over and over again?
Why is the First Time not working for me now in everyday Real Life?

It always looks easier from our side of the fence. Hindsight is a wonderful thing until it blurs your view. Do I wish the AE Dream Team had made a better choice? After the last few weeks of Real Life, you bet your backside I do.

So I won't apologize for the repetition of ER on everyday life. I hope it doesn't bother you and that it makes some kind of sense. As for AE, that may be a lifelong forgiveness process. It is getting easier but dang, just to daydream for a minute - how FABulous would that have been?

footballs and bows...



I am most comfortable, living outside of the box. Thinking, doing and growing. Growing up thinking that every one's life was pretty much like mine, I had a warped sense of what the world was really like. Having to unlearn and re-learn has been the theme of most of my life - maybe I am not as unusual from most of you as I think.

That is pretty much how we all go about deciding the everyday things of our lives. With such diverse experiences, no wonder we are attracted to those who have had similiar experiences or have similar outlooks but it doesn't explain why Sometimes, we are attracted to those who we have absolutely nothing in common with. It is the football and bow theory that fits perfectly in the out of the box theory.

Had Miss M not had brothers, would she be drawn to football? As much of a girly-girl as she is, I would bet not. However she does and she wants to play and do it with bows in her hair. I have no idea about football - I like to listen to it as background noise. I do, however, know about bows. If you want to live outside the box, you will be uncomfortable, often and maybe, take you places you could ever imagine going.

Everytime you take a step outside the box, it gets easier. Baby steps - be uncomfortable and be grateful...

choices...

Ever look back on a day and see a theme? The weaving of people, events, sights and sounds that all weave a specific thread. Today was my day.

Started the day with a lively, spirited discussion with one of God's wild childs. She knows she is wild, not sure she would own up to the God part but she is sure on her way, whether she knows it or not. We discussed politics, addiction and religion. People who make bad choices in spite of knowing better. Since this is only the second time we have met, I was thoroughly enjoying myself and didn't want our conversation to end. We could not be more different except for our strong opinions. She was ranting and raving about people making bad choices and she blurts out, You know what the answer is? It God. This is no card carrying God person - I'm not sure she wasn't surprised about her firm answer.

Unphotographable - Later on as DD and I pulled into my subdivision, we noticed the several families playing at the park. There was even a family there who were having a picnic on a blanket at the playground. Why this was bothersome is that their cars were parked right in front of the This Area Has Been Sprayed - Stay Off The Grass Sign. They had to of seen the sign - there was no way they could have missed it. DD and I whipped around and went back to take a picture of the sign with people in the background. We both knew this was one photo, we didn't want to miss. Unfortunately, two city employees beat us to it. They pick up the sign and were talking to the seemingly clueless people.

After having the conversations with Miss S about people making bad choices, I had a few more contestants to add to the list. Why do we, when we have plenty of warning, continue to participate in risky - sometimes downright fatal - paths. Is addiction a choice we actually have control over and we have chosen to address as uncontrollable? That is The Wild Child's theory, even for herself. She may have Something there.

For the rest of my afternoon, the whole choice thing kept running thru my mind. There is a situation running thru my mind now that I am trying to get my head around. It is making me look back and check out the perspective, and forward, to what I believe now. Choices I made years ago that with time, I would not make again.

I love it when a day comes together. Yesterday a friend and I were talking about getting older and being more flexible. With an anal personality, for many years there was no flexibility in my world but with age, I am becoming more and more flexible. That is a great discovery and I gave myself an Atta - Girl. Never too late to love yourself...

scratching my head...



I have scratched my head more than once the last few days, trying to make sense of situations around me that I am aware of. Some new, some old - I am looking for a common thread as I use my imaginary clothes pins to pin them on to an imaginary clothes line, hung above my head and stretching out so far, I can't see the end.

As my grandson said yesterday, I WANT to see the Big Picture. There is Something I am not getting. Whether people issues or natural disasters - most of us, I would imagine - could say the same about the life they are living. Times are hard, people are hurting. No more so than in times past but I didn't live in those times. Reading about them is not the same. Only when you experience it can you get that Big Picture view that will keep you going.

As I look at my clothes line and go down the line, it is amazing how much of life we are surround by. I even put the good stuff up because this life isn't one-sided. As I see all the photos,good and bad - it strengths my resolve. It gives me hope that I can be a better person, if I will just pay attention.

As we played in the backyard yesterday afternoon, Neighbor peeked his head over the fence and asked if his music was too loud as it it most days. DH said, yeh, a little and Neighbor went in and turned it down. I can truly say, as far as neighbors go - he is the best we have ever had. While we are on opposite sides of most everything, he brings a true respect to the table. Another photo to hand up. Who knew???

pastors...



It is not everyday, no less Mother's Day that you get to dedicate your own grandchild. PJ dedicates babies all the time but today was special. His first grandbaby, 12 days old. There were lots of family crowded around the altar, all vowing to help raise baby E to love the Lord. I have no doubt that everyone will pitch in and that PJ will lead the pack.

I have had 3 pastors in my spiritual time - PJ is #3. It averages out to about 12 years per pastor which is pretty darn close to how it has played out. Yesterday I got word that my #2 pastor had passed away on Friday. It was not painless and the family had great expectations that a healing would happen. It did but not the kind they were looking for. Pastors are not exempt from human emotions or are given any special equipment to deal with their own losses. My thoughts have been with the family all weekend - what a difficult Mother's Day for the wife and family left behind.

Pastor #1, like #2 and #3 is still going even after several heart attacks. While someone might not see the similarities between the three, I think there are many. They are all strong men who love their Jesus. They have all shared their faith passionately and have been great examples of living out loud.None of them is perfect - far from it but I can't hold that against them. They will have to answer for their own lives, good and bad - just like you and me. I have no intentions of breaking in Pastor #4. I have been lucky and don't wish to press my luck. Looking forward to watching this little boy teach his granddad a thing or two. Might make for some interesting preaching, Down The Road...

Mother's Day...



If you were not raised by Harriet Nelson or June Cleaver, there may be some less than wonderful Mother's Day that you have experienced. It has taken me many years to get pass most of the negatives that haunt this day for me. Not unlike those who have had moderately fair experiences with their mothers, I have no reference point and have learned as I grew up with first, my girl and then my grandchildren.

This Mother's Day, I will start by taking pictures at Mr E's dedication. The hard part is that the pastor is also the grandfather. First time grandpa too. We have know Mr E's mommy since she was a little girl so I am thinking, there will be a lot of tears. Ok, don't want to start thinking about it now.

Earlier this week I found Matt's blog and it has set the tone this year for the whole Mother's Day thing. Not your typical mother, this will also be his first. Not sure how he and Madeline are choosing to celebrate - they may even forget what day it is and pray for Monday to hurry up. Seven weeks ago, Matt and Liz gave birth to precious little M after a somewhat difficult, pregnancy. The day after Madeline's birth as a nurse and Matt were preparing to wheel Liz to the NICU to see their baby, Liz said she was feeling lightheaded and passed out. She suffered a fatal brain embolism and never regained consciousness. He became a father and a widower in a few short hours. www.mattlogelin.com.

Wherever you find yourself this Mother's Day, enjoy it. There will never be another Mother's Day 2008. Next year's will be different, maybe better - maybe worse. You might find yourself in Matt's shoes. Someplace you never could have imagine or you could find yourself in Mr E's shoes - he will be making some parents and grandparents very proud. Happy Mother's Day to you all...

Explaining Blogger comments...

I needed to do this for the blog that I maintain for Gage's preschool. Parents reported that they couldn't comment so put up a little tutorial - thought I would bring it here.

Under the Choose an Identity column (on the right side of the page, under the actual comment section) and you have given four options. If you have a Google/Blogger account, you can log in under that account name. Same idea for Open ID concerning other blog accounts,(Typepad, etc. for those of you who do not have any blog accounts you will need to choose the Name/URL option. Just type in your name - don't worry about the URL, type your comment and hit the Publish Your Comment button. If you want to remain anonymous, use that option but fair warning - that is the one scary and mean people use. This will work on all Blogger blogs that allow public comments. Hope that helps you and now hopefully, our parents will leave more comments about our school...


Choose an identity

Google/Blogger
OpenID
Name/URL Name
Anonymous

writing...



While many may disagree, there is a writer in each of us. Just as we all breathe and put our pants on one leg at a time, writing is Something we all have in common because we all have Stories to tell.

Ok, so we may not all be Hemingways or Grishams but no one can tell our Stories like we can because we are the ones who have lived through them. Many chose to have ghost writers tell their Story but with a little effort, we can do it ourselves and personally, I would always rather hear a Story firsthand.

Ali Edwards is having a great blog series this week on words and photos.

Overall, what do I want to say?

I want my stories to be real. Real to me means that I leave a part of myself within each story. I want to leave evidence of my existence in the words I chose.
I want some stories to be long and complete. I want other stories to be quick - maybe just a few words to complement a photo that really needs few words to communicate a message.
I want to tell stories that celebrate our everyday life as well as stories that deal with our challenges.
I want to grow as a writer. I know that writing helps me know myself better.
I don't want to be bound by fears of misspellings, grammatical errors, etc. I just want to tell my stories.
I want my stories to show that I was paying attention to my life.


Writing helps us to know ourselves better. I know firsthand how true that is. You don't have to have a public blog to write, there are many different avenues to explore. I was never good at a writing in a journal, hard as I tried. Even the very act of typing out the words relaxes me most days. The information and joy that you will share with your family because you share your words will be invaluale. Not only to read what your perceptions, dreams, expectations are but maybe to see themselves because of you.

It doesn't have to be Something you have to do everyday although it will take some effort of your part. I carry a little notebook but as often as not, I call home and leave myself messages of thoughts I want to remember later. After I leave a message, I also leave myself a little Love. A word of encouragement from a familiar voice - somedays, that is all a girl needs...

connecting...



To connect with another person is a journey that we each take everyday. Part of that journey is easy, like when you meet someone and have instant simpatico. Sometimes we are thrown into situations where we meet people we most certainly would never have crossed paths with..and sometimes, it takes effort to connect. It takes action on our part, maybe more than we are willing to take on.

I try to be very concious when I am out and about about connecting with people. I think it is my Big Picture duty. I am not always successful. My mind is racing a hundred miles a minute in our MustHaveDoNow culture and sometimes, I plain forget.

It is probably the most important thing we do everyday yet it gets the least attention. Since being bit by the photography bug, I see how important it really is. To take time to share a moment, whether friend or stranger, means to stop being in our little worlds and being in theirs for a while. If we really work at it, then we are together in our world. For me, this is huge and gives me an avenue to stretch myself. To grow and be beyond myself. To be available to someone else, even for a short time, is the greatest gift we can give and we can give it over and over and over, again...

adrenaline ...



Most of us have experienced the rush of adrenaline. Those times we have crazy strength or feel a natural high that you can't come down from. For a few seconds, we are super-human. Nothing can touch us. We are Sparticus...

My sister's body doesn't make adrenaline. After her pitituary tumor surgeries and radiation therapy, that is one of the life long side effects she carries with her every day. She has to take medication because we humans need adrenaline. It also protects us from harm by alerting us to danger. Those times when you are called on to do things you could never imagine doing, that is adrenaline.

Now that I can recognize when it is happening, it unmistakeably like riding a big wave. I ride it all the way in - looking around at everything. I can't imagine how that feels to my sister to never experience that feeling. We are all given challenges, I guess if you learn to make do - life is a whole lot easier. Adrenaline junkie, I think not. Now that would be a wave, I could do without...

rule of thirds...



It all makes sense now.
Seems like not so much of a mystery now.
But when Part 3 comes first, it kind of throws you.

I was driving to baseball Saturday morning and the Holy Spirit gave it to me hard and fast. The difficult part was that it was so specific and the fast part, well when you are driving - the less distraction, the better. I didn't really argue the point as much as, Do I have to do this now?. Just as it came - now was the answer. I did what I was told to do and continued on to Keaton's game.

After the team warmed up, the coach called them all in, told them to take a knee and proceeded to give them instruction.

No questions, only instructions - is what he told the sea of red shirt boys. No questions only instruction...HMMM, isn't that just where I had come from? That was Part 2 of this 3 piece puzzle as I would soon find out.

This morning, I went with DD and family to their new church. I see why they like it there. Besides the shorter drive, their 65ish year old pastor is who their old pastor will be in 20 years. A portly grey haired gentleman that you would not give a second glance to in his jeans and orange plaid shirt. As he started to preach from Exodus 17, his words, I soon realized was Part 1 of the puzzle I had been given. He talked about the God, Power and Prayer of Agreement. He talked of being very specific when you are given someone/something to pray for. To pray the same prayer, over and over and to find someone to share this purpose with. The purpose of Matt 18:9 Whatsoever two or three of you agreement upon on earth will be done in heaven.

The pieces instantly fell together. Part 3 HAD to come first. Later, the other 2 parts would validate the puzzle. Never underestimate God's ability to be more specific than you could ever imagine. Even though Part 3 didn't make sense, I knew there was Something going on, my part was to do what I had been told and I was good with never knowing why. To get in on knowing why is like icing on the cake. He makes it look so easy. I am so thankful for this experience. I have learning that precision is doable and maybe the best lesson we could ever learn...

the unexpected...




As mommy was leaving for her class, Miss M and I had finalized our plans for a manicure. It would be her treat to me. Mommy said use a paper plate but, Don't worry - all the colors go on clear...Apparently they did not try the red one.

When mommy got home, I showed her Miss M fine work so I am guessing that the red pplish will disappear soon. On the other hand - excuse the pun, I will be wearing mine proudly. I was offered nail polish remover but I declined. I think there is a good lesson that I don't want to forget.

Not completely unlike the Plan B theory, the unexpected is not something you can plan for in any way but a global way. You can be utterly convinced of Something and be proven wrong, in a heartbeat. However well-intentioned we may be about any given situation, we need to always make room for the unexpected. There are no sure things. Answers, recipes, choices - always need a little wiggle room...Always.

And just maybe, the unexpected isn't always bad. My mails may not be the most beautiful to some but they were painted on with much love by my 3 yearold granddaughter. My flesh and blood. After our beauty treatment, we were playing with her American Girl dolls when her pretend phone rang and she talked to her pretend mommy.

Hi, just hanging out with Nana...

All that and a manicure. Hanging with my girl. I would say I am a pretty lucky nana...heavy on the pretty, at least that is how I feel...

the Andy Warhol in each of us...



Henri Nouwen wrote in “The Way of the Heart”…

“In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephones calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me - naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken-nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me want to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.”

I never understood Andy Warhol's art nor appreciated it when I was younger. Not sure I do much more now but it is instantly recognizable to me. His familiar 9 block style with the wild colors and sketchy outlines, tells you it is classic Warhol. There is a fun little site, BigHugeLabs that will turn any photo in to your own Warhol experience. It is fun - nothing I would want a steady diet of. Loud, in your face and too much repetition for my taste but within each of us, there is a Warhol in each of us.

Something that keeps us loud and distracted. Something, like Henry Nouwin says, keep us from getting rid of our scaffolding. Good way to put it. Like putting your hands over your ears while yelling, LA LA LA, very loudly to not hear what is going on around you. The distraction becomes the familiar and the comfortable. The silence, in turn, becomes the enemy.

DH had to go back to work last night and I couldn't sleep so I waited up until he got home at 230AM. When the alarm clock goes off at 6, no one is ready to commit. There are no thoughts of prayer time - sleeping time is all that goes through your head and to get back to that sleeping time, I have to have noise. The TV has to be on for me to get to sleep. Isn't that strange?

Yesterday was a Warhol Day. Wnet to lunch at the Brick with DD, just us, then off to Costco. A time we are Big People and talk about our little people. As I catch up with her, there will be colorful Stories about my babies that will make me giggle. Something Miss M said, something Gage did or a question that Keaton asked. We will live vicariously thru them for a few moments as we each try to remember our childhood as we live through theirs.

And Sometime later that day, I shut down for a few and let myself be. Be quiet and be in the moment. Like all things we choose to do, it takes practice. Over and over because we all are thick-skulled, until it is as natural as breathing. The over and over might look different each time but it's great practice. It was a perfect day...

Rocked to my core...

The Smiths - Todd, Angie, Ellie, Abby and Audrey.


Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.

I know it’s long, but take the time to watch it. Here is your warning. This video will cause you to live differently. You WILL hug your kids differently. You WILL love your spouse differently. You WILL trust God differently...www.withoutwax.tv.

evil...

There are some things that humans do to each other that are beyond comprehension. There is no way to get your head around them. No amount of understanding or explanation will help either.

In those cell-like rooms behind that door, investigators say retired electrician Josef Fritzl imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered seven children with her.

Three of the children "never saw sunlight" for years until they were freed this past weekend, they say.

Authorities said Fritzl, 73, confessed Monday to crimes that have chilled Austria and raised uncomfortable questions about how he could have deceived his neighbors and police, as well as social workers who had made repeated visits to the gray stone apartment building he owned.

One of the children died in infancy and was tossed into the furnace of the building where Fritzl lived with his family and rented the other units to relatives.


It is at times like these that what you believe it tested like never before. It is when you either believe that God is who He says He is or the whole thing is a hoax. It is a time when your faith is either your friend or foe.

Fritzl "managed to deceive everyone," including his wife, Rosemarie, who apparently was unaware of the existence of the children in the cellar, Polzer said.

The questions go over and over in your head. How could he keep her and the kids locked up for 24 years? How could his wife not know? How evil can we really be?
These times don't shake my faith as much as explain now much evil we humans are capable of carrying out. It makes it harder for me to love all God's people which is is hard enough already.

Our faith is not Real unless we accept the highs and lows of what is all around us. It is easy up on the mountain top, many times you feel like you could take on the whole world but then there are the valleys where we would all rather not go. A reflective day for sure, I am ready to move on...

rebate checks...



Friday morning George Dubya announced that the first set of rebate checks would be in the bank on Monday. The first monies will go to those who filed electronically. According to the web site I can expect my check next Monday and when it hits the bank, it won't be there long. It is going toward the PayOffTheVan fund as are all extra monies at our house these days. I have a plan - Pay off the van, replace appliances and save, save, save until DH retires. Unlike the government, I understand that plans were made to be broken but you have to start somewhere.

This whole rebate thing doesn't make alot of sense. The government does not have the money to give us - they had to borrow it from China. Just like they did when Katrina hit. They have no emergency fund for those unexpected things that always happen. So they borrow from China and tell us to go spend it to stimulate the economy. Going on my premise that 20% of the people will do anything, there will be people that will not pay down credit cards or save it for a rainy day. They are going to hit Walmart, fast and hard. Guess what? China gets the money, a second time. Forget about stocks, I want to get in on that action!

It seems like bad financial advice to tell a country who already in trillions of dollars of debt to go buy more stuff instead of saving for a rainy day or paying for the stuff you already bought. 40% of Americans say they are going to pay off bills with the money. Sounds like the government should have made this into a voucher deal. Show us your receipts for a whole bunch of stuff - then we will give you the money... but who is going to trust that theory. Kind of like buying blind and the government's track record is a little off.

The most amazing thing is how fast they are getting the checks out. The April 15 tax deadline was less than 2 weeks ago. HELLO, who is really behind this? I would obviously think China althought they are having their own issues with the torch and up coming Olympics. Whoever it is, I want them to be president. Maybe then we could really get something done. Enjoy the Rebate, it is costing us Big Bucks...

game on...



There are days...you are on third base and ready to run home. You are aware of what is going on around you - all you are waiting for is some to yell, Run Home..
While I am not much of a baseball player, I am all for running Home.

Home can be many different things. The metaphors are endless. Sometomes it is the physical place where we will safe and can be ourselves - in our underwear, if we are so inclined. For me, the idea of home also represents being in the presence of the Holy Spirit and letting my mind wander. I need lots of wandering time. I don't worry so much about my form or doing it right, just practicing the Presence. No agenda, no expectations and no answers.

There are times, I can't wait to get home . It is a time that gives me the peace I crave and quenches my spiritual thirst. By being ready, I triple my chances of it really happening. It is a gift from God and I cherish it with everything I have. Game on, you bet. Bring it on...

Dr Bob...

Early 80's, my life had finally caught up to me and the coping skills I had used since childhood were no longer working. It was suggested that I get some help and that is how I met Dr Bob. Since he was a PHD mental doc,he could prescribe medicine as well as counseling and not knowing where all this would lead, he seemed the best fit and he was.

Dr Bob and I met for over a year. I came out seeing my life up until then for what it had been and that there was a better way to live. My bio family ordeals were far from over but gave me a new start, to change what had always seemed so normal.

At our last session, Dr Bob gave me his opinion of me. First, he told me to enroll in school and hang out my shingle. While it appeared to me that I was a mess, his attitude was much different. He thought I was a pretty smart cookie and sold myself too short. I did not go on to school and eventually hang out my shingle. College seemed a waste of time to me and since I had already done so well in Real Life, I decided to go with it. I hadn't thought about Dr Bob for a long time - until yesterday. Thank you, Dr Bob - I think I would have made you proud.

I have never met Joseph Duncan but his Story has plagued me since he decided to kill a mother, son and friend then kidnap two younger kids, molest both of them, kill the boy and hide out with the girl until he was caught at a Denny's restaurant. You have probably read about Shasta and her dad in the news. Her dad has throat cancer but the people of Northern Idaho and others, have built them a home so Shasta could have a safe place to live. I was looking forward to watching Duncan's trial last January but suddenly, he pleaded guilty. Great for Shasta, now she would not have to testify.

The sentencing phase has started in Boise this month. Jurors were being picked and suddenly, Duncan decided he wants to represent himself. Some think he is doing it so he can force Shasta to testify, First things first, he has to be deemed competent to represent himself. Enter Dr Bob.

Judge Lodge made a fine choice and I will not question whatever Dr Bob decides for Duncan. Some would say a normal person couldn't be sane and commit that kind of crime, I am not ready to commit to that theory. I would love to be a fly on the wall of that session. Duncan will get what is coming to him Someday. For now, it is just about our human way of dealing with people who do things we can't wrap our head around. As for Duncan, I hope he is paying attention during his time with Dr Bob - he might even learn something...

bad...



A unidentified Forbes business man referred to our present economy as a parade of potential horribles. Disturbing yet a delightful group of words.

In my little area in the last month, a coffee shop and a local video store went out of business - with very little warning. Today I passed several gas stations with a new $3.50 a gallon theme. Mortgage repossessions in my local area are up 191% over this time last year.

It just isn't looking good. Truck drivers are striking because of rising gas prices. Animals are being left at pet shelters in record numbers because people can't afford to feed them anymore. Maybe the worst part is having our government using the R word now, no longer trying to deny it

A Parade of Potential Horribles...it has a ring to it and yet, there is hope. At baseball tonight, as our guys were up to bat - their worthy opponents pulled of a triple-play. From what my SIL said, You will never see that again.Made it sound like somewhat of a miracle and if that can happen in baseball - it can happen anywhere. We just have to keep our eyes on the parade and see the potential of the Big Picture...

facing your fears...



If only it were this easy...

Danger safely behind a protective barrier, keeping you virtually - out of harms way, then allowing you to stare down that danger, straight in the face. However that is not the case in Real Life - it can come from any angle, any direction and, at any time. Even with our secret decoder rings and spy gear, we quickly find out how clueless we really are.

These are tough times for parents. Stranger danger and regular danger are everywhere. Every time we step out our front doors, we are on alert. I spend lots of time trying to anticipate how I will behave in certain situations but until it happens, it may be all for naught. One of the certainties for me though, is language. Whether in a dream or daydreaming - when put to the test, IF extra adrenaline is needed - the language gets really bad, really quick. So here is fair warning - if you see me in a heated situation and I have some man who tried to take my babies, in a headlock - guaranteed the f bomb will be going off. As my DH always says, They picked the wrong gal to mess with. It's almost like he feels sorry for them.

The real issue is to separate what appears to be dangerous from what actually is dangerous. We get the two mixed up more often than we think. For many different reasons, we need to face the real ones - head on and act accordingly. When it is Time, really Time to face those fears, we need to know that we don't go alone. With no protective barrier to shield us, we take His hand and keep walking. How will I respond next time? Ask me when it happens. Hope I remember these words...

digging up the past...



There are times in each of our lives when we need to look back at our past. We need to dig it up and look for Something. Something that has popped up in the now but is tied to the what was. These times are usually not done on a voluntary basis and depending on your own personal history, may be tough to swallow.

Nothing big going on but when I snapped this picture of Gage digging up dinosaur bones at the zoo on Friday, it reminded me of those times. The ones I have experienced and the ones that are yet to come. As he dug the sand around the bones, more and more of the bones became visible until you could see the whole thing. Not much different than Real Life.

Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I have given up wishing that foresight was my default. I don't think I would learn what I need to learn if I could see everything up front. It wouldn't mean as much. Somethings I have learned to do up front and I am always grateful but I am always aware that somethings can only be learned by doing some digging.

Although I have never been to an AA meeting, I have accepted their creed as my own. To change the things I can, accept the things I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference. Pretty much a great definition of faith and a great tool to keep around when you are digging up the past...

coaching...



Second week of baseball and the second practice of the week. The boys spent almost 2 hours running different drills, getting ready for the next game on Saturday.

I am very impressed with his coaches this year. They teach a skill, then practice with each boy, then as a team. Each kid is getting a good share of coaching time with generous helpings of praise when they see an effort made. Not performance based but effort based.

I think we should all have a coach for every season of our lives. Someone who knows more than we do and can teach us skills we do not possess. In Real Life, this doesn't necessarily mean someone older - sometimes for many different reasons, we have missed steps and just need help. At the last practice, not only did I not have a firm grasp of the game but I was using DH left hand mitt to play catch with Keaton. After having my hand almost broke several times, he told me how to catch the ball. Not in the palm of my hand but higher up. That little piece of advice would sure have been handy at the beginning of the practice.

When you find yourself in a position of being coached in an area of life where you could use some more skills, put forth some effort and learn all you can. Whether a short or long lesson, pay attention and be the student. When it is your turn to be a coach, make sure the person you are coaching - is getting it. If they aren't - it isn't their fault, it is yours. It is the coach's responsibility to make sure the student gets it - not the other way around.

Sometimes it is hard to coach and sometimes it is hard to be coached. Don't take either lightly and fight the urge to run away. There is alot we all can still learn. Don't let what you know get in the way of what you could learn...

anger...

Imagine that your dad is dying,
so close that Hospice has been called in.
Suppose at the beginning of all this,
you had made a deal with God...
Give him 2 years and I will give myself to you, forever.

And God doesn't make that deal with you,
and you are so angry with Him,
angry at everyone and everything.

The anger is consuming you so completely,
that you can't see straight.
You don't know to handle all this
and it isn't going the way you imagined it...

We have all been there. The deal-making is the worst. Either way, you can't win. If you get what you are trading for when it comes to pay, it doesn't seem like the thing you want to do, then. You dodged another bullet and when the time comes to make another deal, you will deal with it then. If you lose your trade, you couldn't care less anyway.

It is not about the deals we want to make when we are up against the wall. It is not about offering God everything and then being angry when He doesn't see it our way. It is about being all in with God, no matter what and I admit, that is tough. I have tried to imagine myself now in that unasked for journey and while I have practiced it over and over in my mind, there are no guarantees. You have to be about it everyday. This is an excerpt from a Commencement Speech given by Apple/Pixar CEO, Steve Jobs.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.

I want to tell the son, you are already naked.
I want to tell the son, that accepting you will be dead someday, will change the life you have now.
I want to tell the son to run to the Son.

The only right spot to put the Masking Tape Jesus picture that Gage made me last week was on my nightstand. It seemed so natural, like it was made for that spot. It is the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. When I woke up very early this morning, I turned on the light and saw my picture and instantly thought of the son. May the Peace that is being offered to him this very moment, that is his - just for the taking - may he reach out and grab it and not let go, ever again...

girlfriends...



Spent some time with DD and her friends last week at Miss M's birthday party. We are obviously not in the same season of life but it was fun to remember being where they are. I remember thinking the things that they are going thru and while they share with each other, I love playing with all their kids. I even have a new BFF. Miss S wanted her mommy to invite her friend to the zoo outing on Friday.

Girlfriends are necessary no matter what season of life you are in. All of my friends are younger - none yet know the nana syndrome but share my journey but we share enough other things that is is a very satisfying give and take. Sometimes you are the mentor and sometimes you are the mentoree. There is no rhyme or reason, it just happens.

Girlfriends...You don't need a bunch, depending on your personality - a few will do nicely. I am so lucky to have the women in my life that I do. They are a diverse lot, cover a wide range of ages and are so precious to me. They are honest, truthful, willing to share themselves and most importantly, I believe, will get in my face if they think I need it. I would have it no other way. Being a friend is not a mambie-pambie, makeyoufeelgood person. Those are a dime a dozen. A real friend will share the good and bad of her life and take on yours as her own. It is about quality not quantity. Not a job for the meek, don't participate if you are not willing to go the mile. Anything less is not fair to them and a bigger loss to yourself.

My new BFF just turned three. Not sure we will be going out for coffee or sharing current events of the day although she did follow me out to the car last week. Good thing her mommy saw her streak out the door behind me and caught her before she went into the street. I will be at the zoo Friday and she may not be very happy. Gage and I are going to do our own thing so the playgroup and their mommies can bond and make their own magic but I imagine that Miss S and I are now girlfriends and how great is that!!!

state mottos...



How did I get here?
It has to do with a radio show.
Bob and Tom.
Don't go there.
It is sophmoric, potty humor
but right now, it beats the Barack and Hillary daily morning show.

Sometimes, I learn stuff.
For instance, state mottos.
Florida's - Visit Florida.
Sounds like a guy who had to pee and his boss wouldn't let him till he came up with Something. So he did - Visit Florida.

Maine has chosen - The Way Life Should Be.
It should read, Maine - Too Cold To Swim.
Idaho started with Famous Potatoes
and made the enormous leap to Great Potatoes
Who could have seen THAT coming???

Quite a few states have chosen song titles for their mottos.

Pennsylvania - You've got a Friend in Pennsylvania.
Georgia - Georgia On My Mind
Wisconsin - Stay Just A Little Bit Longer
And Colorado - Hip To Be Square.

But by far, my most favorite and most sophmoric is New Mexico.
The actual motto of New Mexico is Land of Enchantment.
I like B&T's better. New Mexico - Wayyyyyyy better than regular Mexico

Sometimes only silly will do. A good belly laugh to lighten the Load. I swear that laughter is better for you than any medicine advertised on TV. Go where you need to today to get some for yourself and laugh until it hurts...

true happiness...



Happiness is relative and if we are all honest, superficial most of the time and by that I mean, much like a newborn - we get our days and nights or the things that bring us happiness - mixed up. I am as guilty as the next guy, no questions about it but I am trying to see it from a different perspective and I got to tell you, this could be the real deal.

Saturday was a great day. I was looking forward to Miss M's 3rd birthday party later on in the day. Balloons, cake, presents, cake, lots and lots of noise and more cake. It was giving me something to look forward to and it certainly put a smile on my face. Just before noon, I walked out my front door and headed for the mailbox. My next-door neighbor had his front porch patio furniture out in the yard, ready to rinse off the long, winter dirt but first, he started with his Harley. As I reached the mailbox, his three dogs came over to give me the once over as if they have never smelled me before. He is very particular about the behavior of his dogs and wants them to be respectful to his good neighbor - that is what he calls me. We chit chatted a bit and I walked up my driveway to come back in the house. When I was about 10 steps from the front door, he yells over at me.

Speaking very slowly, he said, If I was a religious man...I would thank Jesus Christ for today, then turned back around to finish washing his bike. I didn't know what to say. Something like, Yes sir, is what I think came out of my mouth but I wouldn't swear to it. All kinds of thoughts were going thru my head. I wanted to tell him that been religious was a prerequisite to anything concerning Jesus and...I wanted to give him a big hug, just because.

When I got back in the house, I gained some composure and realized I had just been given a wonderful gift. The gift to see Jesus thru my neighbors' eyes and that brought me the true happiness that stayed with me throughout the day. Simple yet so powerful. The stuff of true happiness. Not the physical stuff that we think brings happiness but the stuff of deep, deep inside - where it counts.

We went on to have a FABULOUS party for Miss M. She loved her Bitty Babies and loved that their outfits matched her. She has just begun her journey and for right now, her stuff brings that smile. Happiness is a journey and as with all journeys, they all look different. As for me, I wouldn't trade mine for anyone else's in the world - not one soul...

celebrate...



I had just finished my post for today and my computer, with no notice - shut itself down and I lost the whole thing. I think I know why and will process that and what it means. I think I know but you know about the whole assume thing.

The week started with much anxiety about Miss Audrey's birthday. It has been an emotionally draining week. The last post on her blog reported that her mommy got to come home a day early. These days have to been seem unreal to their whole family. They will start picking up the pieces, trying to put on foot in front of the other. It is a journey that we can walk along side and share yet can't fully comprehend. It is their time to mourn but for each of us, our lives go on.

It is our weekend to celebrate Miss M's 3rd birthday. Actually, she has been asking everyday this week if it is her birthday yet. Darn it, would be her response and thankfully tomorrow, will be the first of 2 birthday celebrations. I am looking forward to celebrating.

This week has been about two little girls for me. Completely different experiences but connected by the One who made them both. When taken in context with my lost post, the week is making a bit more sense than it has. The ebb and flow of life is takes a flexible soul and I seriously lack in that department. Time to put on my party hat and celebrate. Not just with cake and ice cream but for the life I have, the thankfulness I feel and the God who holds my hand daily...

an ordinary, extraordinary day...





DD and I pretended to be preschool teachers for the day. Gage and 11 of his friends along with Miss M spent 3 hours together discussing the snow we all woke up to this morning and many, many, many other things. They are a delightful group of kids and we really did enjoy being with them.

It is hard when your mom and nana are your teachers for the day. Gage thought I was there to be his personal play pal but I had to encourage him to play with the kids - he could play with me any old time but he really wanted it to be me and him. I finally got him to play with one of the little girls' and as I watched him, I heard him telling her about, Jesus - dying on the cross. No idea in the world where that came from. His account was short but accurate. It was going thru his head so it was coming out his mouth.

Later he joined Morgan and me at the coloring table and decided he wanted to make something. There was masking tape and he was very deliberate about his project. I had to get a piece of paper and put 2 strips of masking tape in the shape of a cross, then he finish the picture with his drawing. I got distracted with some other kids but when he was done, he brought it to me. This is for you, he says.I couldn't have been happier if he had given me a million dollars.

I immediately saw the crown on His head and Jesus' hands and feet were perfectly still and dead on, the masking tape. Profound yet so simple. Children have lots and lots of free space on their little people hard drives and it open up countless possibilities to them because of it. When we grow, some of the hardest work we ever do is learning to be childlike again.

Today was a good day. I colored a picture for Miss Brandi, our teacher and the one I gave birth too. She was very happy with my picture and seemed to appreciate my hard work. It doesn't take much to have an extraordinary day - sometimes it comes wrapped as ordinary and if you aren't paying attention, you will miss it...

dream...



In life there comes a time when that dream you dream becomes that thing you do...

I got back in in the car and headed home yesterday from a great day of playing with my gkids. Looked at the clock in the car, 2:58. I knew that Miss Audrey's birthday was scheduled to start in 2 minutes and when I got home, that was confirned by the first of three emails. Stuggling with my purse, trying to get my camera out, I knew this was meant fo rme to see and I didn't want to forget so driving down the road, I am taking pictures out of my windsheild - there were no drivers in peril and I was very careful but not willing to stop until I got the shot.

Flipped thru my IPod looking for songs that would fit this moment. I knew from my own DD's c-section that it would take less than 10 minutes to get the baby out but in the first email, Jessica, the official poster of the Smith family - said she would be back in 1 1/2 hours. I did fine with the music until I was almost home and Josh Groban and Charlotte Church came on with The Prayer and I lost in right in front of the Chervon station. I was home in less than a minute and continued the music while I checked out the first email.

Audrey and her family were never far from my mind as I started dinner, eat, cleaned up and headed back to my computer for an update. Praise God, she had been born and making little sounds. Her daddy was ready to give her a bath and then they were going to take photos. Her heart was weak and they didn't know how long she would live but for now... Her mother was beaming and her sisters on their way to meet her. I fell alseep for a while and ran for the computer for the next update when I woke up. Miss Audrey had lived for 2 hours and 15 minutes and then went to be with Jesus. Our wonderful poster was on her way to the hospital to be with the family.

Our last email for the night was Jessica telling about the sisters wanting to show her their little sister, Dressed in a little dress, they pushed her bonnet back to show her Audrey's fiery red hair while she lay in her mommy's arms.

I went ot bed reviewing in my mind how much this young family had to process in such a short time. it was almost midnite when I woke and started thinking about Angie having to give Audrey up. It was unsettling and I couldn't shake the feeling that it had been a terrible thing for Angie to go though. Finally settled down to a fitfull sleep and woke this morning, knowing this was going to be a difficult day for Audrey's family. None of us can ever imagine, unless you have been there.

Hold your family close because you don't know what tomorrow may bring - make today count...

JJ Flash, its a gas, gas gas...



On Sunday afternoon, we spent 2 glorious hours with the Bad Boys of our generation. I think whatever your age, the music of your youth will always hold a soft spot in your heart and getting to see them on the 5 story IMax screen, doesn't hurt either. Besides being in little piggy girl music heaven, I walked away with a new found sense of age. If you are trying to talk to your kids about the dangers of sex, drugs and rock and roll - I would stay away from mentioning the Stones. Mick Jagger works the stage like a teenager. His muscles are ripped, you could bounce quarters off his abs and his stamina is amazing. Even Keith Richards, who repeatedly got on his knees to play and got right back up again - goes against everything we have ever learned about health and taking care of one's self. Make no mistake, they are Bad Boys, very Bad Boys but they have endured and have come thru the fire. You can't live that lifestyle for over 45 years and still do what they do. Oh yes you can and they do. Saw one interview with Richards and he said that these days, he can party or perform, not both on the same day. Forget exercise, got to start smoking, partying and playing in a rock band. Seems like one could live forever or it would sure feel like it. Another chapter in the Life Ain't Fair book. The dudes just rock the house...

Happy Birthday Audrey Caroline...



Tomorrow is the Big Day! You finally get to meet your mommy who so faithfully carried and loved you along with your daddy and sisters, who already adore you. I hope it is a sunny day, birthdays are the best on sunny days. April 7 is a wonderful day to be born and I hope your day is filled with lots and lots of birthday love from those who will help bring you into this world and will care for you, little one.

Most birthday are different than yours. Usually at home, surrounded by cake and presents - your arrival will be a bit more structured although you wouldn't know it by all the people and love you will be surrounded by. You will be held and loved and those familiar voices you have been hearing - will be made real to you.

Your mommy will have a hard time, say a little prayer for her. Birthdays are always hard on mommies and yours will be no exception. Birthdays remind us of times past and fast it really goes. It is easy to say we can't wait to be with Jesus and hard when that wait seems all too soon.

There will be a lot of people thinking about you tomorrow - those of us who couldn't be there with the rest of your family. Lots and lots of people. We will also be thinking of your family. We pray for safe passage for you and your mommy. May your birthday brings joy to her as the years go by. I imagine that Jesus has been as close to her today as He has been to you. May you both rest in His Arms and enjoy this precious time together.

I know there will be lots of people around you tomorrow but if you see that huge, pink balloon with the white twisty ribbon almost touching the hospital ceiling, that's me. Happy Birthday Audrey Caroline, Happy Birthday...

back to basics...



One of the most important things I can do for myself is to every once in a while, go back to the basics. It is not a failure nor a weakness, and may very well, be the greatest strength one can possess. Nothing majored happened to shock me into this particular reality but as I was doing this layout of Miss M and our cookie adventure at Flying M yesterday, it dawned on me how it is the basics that always bring me back to where I need to be.

Reading Brian McLaren, A Generous Or+hodoxy this week and it is making me examine where my spiritual head is right now and if some things, need adjustment. I don't believe that we ever arrive at anything we do. I don't believe we ever fully, see the Light and I especially don't think we can not, start at the beginning, over and over again and again.

It's a great way to end the week by going back to the start. One of the many descriptions that Brian Mclaren describes himself as is unfinished. Making room for more, pliable, flexible, teachable - unfinished...that's good enough for me...

You're Special ...



Not my words but my eye doctor. He looked at the results of the pre-tests I had taken with his assistant and uttered these shocking words. He said that apparently, according to my test results, I did not have an optic nerve. I volunteered to retrace my steps and check the lost and found at Walmart but other than that, I pretty much would be of no use to him. We talked of going on and having Brian Williams come to interview us and my being special and all. Dr D thought maybe Oprah to tell this extraordinary Story. We had a good laugh, redid the test only to find out that I did indeed, have my optic nerve. No Dateline, Brian Williams or Oprah for us. We would not be hitting the road and worse yet, I was no longer special.

I think little moments of special are great times for each of us. Nothing wrong with it. Problems arise when we need to be special or decide that we can never be special. We all know people in both camps and when taking to the extreme - can make us crazy. If someone perceives that they are always the victim, life is a drag for them and everyone around them. If one thinks they are perpetually special, the princess syndrome is equally difficult for all involved.

We need both and need to make sure we are always moving to the center. It is a healthy thing for our own mindset. It gives us perspective and a point of reference that will help us lead our lives by making good choices.

I must admit, however, that I was so looking forward to talking with Brian Williams - want to talk about his Saturday Night Live experience and let him know, I for one, think he is a funny guy. My 5 minutes of being special is gone but gave us all a good laugh. That is special enough for me...

Unphotographable...

To one who is most comfortable knowing there is always a camera in her purse, at first I didn't understand what value I could glean from this blog but what I did understand was those times, when I couldn't get my camera out fast enough or it would be inappropriate to do so. I have missed so many shots and more importantly, I miss the opportunity to see a Story because I was so focused on getting the shot. Once you experience a photographer's high, you never forget it. From the moment you realize you must have the shot, all decisions are predicated on the task.

Sometimes in life, we are too busy to see what is going on. No wonder people hire others to take care of weddings, birthday parties, family reunions. While many of us can multi-task, how many times have we missed Something going on because we were looking down the barrel for that perfect shot.

Unphotographable has given me some much needed balance, and challenged me with seeing what I am looking for without a camera. Whether I can document an event with a physical photo or not, having it imprinted on my brain - may be the greater lesson. It puts the One that got away theory, in its place. We learn in many different ways and to limit ourselves to a certain way or the highway - maybe prove to be the worse thing we could do for ourselves. This is going to be a part of my on-going photography experience, Can't help but believe the pictures will get better and better...

This is the picture I did not take. This winter, I missed him when I hadn't seen him for a while. When I saw that an elderly gentlemen had been killed crossing the street while walking to work, I thought it was you. You are my favorite Walmart greeter. I searched the article in the paper to see if it was you. I would look for you, everytime I came in and left the store. One dark afternoon as I was leaving, I stopped and asked my second favorite greeter if you were alright. she said, Sure he is - he's over there. . I looked over and there you were, lining up the carts. I could have hugged you even though I probably would have scared you to death. She must have told you about my concern, now when I come in - you always give me a big smile. So glad you are ok.