I needed to touch base with the social worker at the VA where my FIL resides. He has been forgetting more and more - basic things like where his room is and on what florro. At our last care meeting, they indicated that he had become less cooperative and even mean. As the social worker and I exchanged notes, it was clear there was more serious problems going on. Lets say he has become inappropriate toward women and the the standard order is two nurses have to be with him at any given time. So many issues here but suffice it to say, I have visited him for the last time. When I explained what was going on to my DH, he immediately said, You're done - no more. He will do all the visiting from now on - I will continue to go to the care meetings with the staff but my visits with L are over - the next time I see him will be at the funeral home.
There is a strange feeling attached to all this. Certainly one of relief, again, many issues that have brought us here but he is the last of our combined parents. I realized this afternoon you can never completely be free of guilt. My goal has always been to wipe guilt off my slate but today I think guilt is something we have to live with. Whether real or imagined, good or bad - guilt is part of our human emotions and learning to live with it may be a healthy thing. I truly believe this is best of all of us - I feel bad for my husband. How difficult a thing it can be when it is your own parent. Whatever the rest of L's days look like, for his sake, I hope they are few. For my sake, they are already done...
