Friday morning I woke up 1/2 hour before the alarm went off. I laid there, started thinking and decided I just needed to crawl up in be in Jesus's lap. No words, just the feel of His arms wrapped around me. It wasn't but a few seconds and I knew I needed to get Heather and bring her into this little love feast. If anyone needed a hug, Heather does.
I found her via Tara Whitney's blog . Heather wanted some pictures of her family. So Tara did the shoot and Heather was thrilled. You see, Heather was diagnosed in December 2006 with uncurable esophageal cancer,.Her kids are 11, 6 and 6 months. She will have chemotherapy the rest of her life, however long that may be. Her blog is a mix of medical terminology and human emotions. She has been on my mind and near my heart, everyday since I found her - going on a month now. Her last blog entry was March 14 - I check the blog several times a day. I want to, I need to know how she is doing. I want to ask her how the chemo is going, How are the kids? Where is your head? However I can't. I must wait on her - but helping her up into Jesus's lap and holding her tight, that, I can do.
Our guest pastor today put it into perspective. Pastor Jose is from one of our church plants and in the very early stages of developing a flock. If you have started a church from scratch, you know what I mean . Pulling the pastor out of a 6 month old church seems like certain death and it might be. While PJ has jumped through all the legal hoops, barring a miracle - he and his family will be deported this week. While I had a very difficult time understanding him, his message was pretty clear. In my mind, I saw one of those EKG machines with all those horizontal lines. Here's my interpretation...
Faith is a straight line. It never wavers. When the going gets tough, the line of faith is not effected. There is an emotional line that weaves in and out, high and low and up and down but the faith line is rock solid and a straight shooter. This doesn't mean we turn into cold robots - we cry, we weep and we grieve and all that is how God made us but our faith - linear from point A to point B.
I needed that for Heather and I needed that for me. The news got me down this week, Unspeakable things done to children - I tried to make it all work in my mind and it just wasn't happening. My faith was strong but I forgot that it is alright to grieve, It is alright to crawl up in Jesus lap and just be and it is alright to bring someone with you.
I don't know if Heather will get to play Toilet Paper Bride at her daughter's wedding shower. Whatever happens to her, I will hold her and hers, up. It was God's suggestion that she be included in the group hug and nothing could have made me happier - except maybe to see her blog again soon...
