red flag...

We all have red flag Moments in our lives. Sometimes, they come in an instant. It feels wrong, the hair on the back of your neck may stand up. You get an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. None of it is voluntary, it is all foreign. You think you hear, Danger, Danger, when everything appears to be fine. Sometimes, it takes a series of red flags to get your attention. Thinking of something going on in my life where I just thought, this is just a fluke. The first time, the second time, the third time but when it keeps happening, you begin to wonder. We each have red flags going on in every area of our lives. They are a warning, they should be looked at with the head, not the heart. If they require action, you can't involve your heart. It is not good for anyone. Went to Best Buy this afternoon to have another look at the heat issue with the iPad. I didn't think that they were magically healed but by directed by my heart, need to take another look. There were four on display, one iPad 2 and 3 new ipads. The ipad 2 was perfect. The three new ipads, not so much. All were warm, one was downright hot. There was a woman shopping with her teen girls, trying to decide whether to buy today. She listened intently to the discussion between the BB salesboy and me. He tried desperately to downplay the heat issue, I was unrelenting. If she was going to spend that much money, she needed as much information as she could get. She asked if there was a recall if BB would stand behind the iPad. He told her she would have to deal with Apple. I didn't bring up the fact that BB is in serious trouble. Closing 50 stores and heading down the Circuit City, Comp USA route. I thought I was being generous not bringing that up, DH thought I was going to be asked to leave. Don't know if she bought one or not. My heart was still saying, Go ahead, it will be fine. My head said, Now you know, wait. The red flags can be ignored. I have done it many times in many different ways but I must bypass them, knowingly. No way around it, if you go around a red flag, you know what you are doing. I know I have done the right thing but sure wished it felt like it...

finish strong...

In the middle of another sleepover but what a great way to spend the week.

Mostly constant rain has been our companion but inbetween storms and puddles, we have managed to get in some good times. No one was hurt while playing basketball, thank God and we have some great video of what we imagined Poppa couldn't do. Would have bet some sweet dough on that, he surprised us all.

New grass, the coming of Easter. The signs are all there. Another chance to try again, to do better. To love more and complain less. To learn that being grateful is for everyday, just not the good ones. DD and DGS talk about what their church says, Finish Strong. If we believe that God is who He says he is, there is no other way. None. Finish Strong, I love it.

regret...

We spend our entire lives worrying about the future, making plans for the future and trying to predict the future...and the truth is, the future is always changing. Grey's Anatomy.

Started saving money last September for Ipad 3. Everytime I came home, quarters and singles where put in their perspective piggy banks. DH played along and with a little help from my Costoc rebate check in February, we were there.

Side note about savings. I have never, ever been a saver of money. Truly lived in the Moment and that included ridding myself of any and all extra cash. Since I have been a homebody, I have learned not only how to make adjustments in savings but also in how things are done. I can cook better meals at home that I can eat out, 90% of the time. To be able to save was a big surprise and one that still makes me giddy.

So, when I ordered the new iPad in the middle of March, I was flying high. Then the doom started, bad wifi reception, smart covers don't fit and the biggie, heat issues. Last week, I read about 20 pages of heat issue complaints on the Apple web site. Sunday, went to the Apple Store to touch for myself. Every iPad on display, ran hot. From warm to hot, the 8 or 10 ipads, spoke for themselves. Came home and read 30 more pages of complaints and then, realized the inevitable. My iPad that was suppose to arrive on April 6, would not be. Not until the issue is fixed.

Sometimes, we want something so bad, we are willing to do anything to get it. I so get that, and the cost is high which we know because the need to have is so strong. The stronger the need is to acquire, the more you know, it is probably not for you. I have heard people say, I will do anything to get.... Those are fighting words and you will, every step of the way.

I love my iPad.
I am so ready for my new iPad
I have saved for a long time for my iPad.
Yet, I was able to walk away, for now.

Regret. Not so much now. Cancellation is done, spoke to the Apple rep and she had not heard of the heat issue. I told her, I would be back. No regret here. That is the best feeling of all...

color...

There are times when nothing but color will do. No black and white, just the brazeness that only color can occupy. Color leaves me confused, feeling chaotic and way out of my comfort zone.

The boldness, the sudden twists and turns. The same things that draw us toward color. Those who have to be surrounded by color, to who waving a brush throughout their home, is second nature.

It took a while for me to bring any color at home. Color is restricted to the living room/dining room/kitchen which are basically one room. Two little hallways share the color. Bathrooms, bedrooms, laundry room and bonus room so not. Never will. Just the way I roll.

Was intrigued a few years ago with the idea of painting closets with bold colors. Something that would reach out and grab you, every time you oped the door. Imagine a pantry in lime green or a bright orange. That could still happen, love the idea of surprise.

While most of my photography I prefer in black and white, there are some that I know right off the bat, will have to stay in color character. This is where they shine, where they were meant to be. They are the ones that usually make the covers of my yearly coffee table books. A bit of surprise and confusing never killed anyone...I think.

two faces have I...

Poor Walmart. You don't have to go far to see or hear Walmart bashing. Whether the website with photos you can't find anywhere else or yes we are using Pink Slime but since we have been outted, we are no longer using it - Walmart has a lot to be embarrassed about. And that, is just the stuff we know about, and we all know, there is a bunch nore, we don't know.

But then, you see this and you say to yourself, is this the same place? Walmart gives back to every community they are in and at any given time, are embroiled in lawsuits dealing with unfair employee practices. So, which is it?
Devil or angel. Do we love them or hate them?

Humans are no different than Walmart. We each have good and bad going on in our lives and may too, be outted, at an moment and start changing our tune. I am as guilty as you and make no mistake, you are guilty too. The thing is if we embrace both sides, don't we have a better chance of making better choices? Do we have to get caught to do better? With all my heart, I hope not...

the voices...

At given time, I have at least 5 voices talking to me, all from within inside. There are the general 2 that represent good and bad. There is the 1 that directs the sweettooth. There is 1 who keeps a running commentary of current events, There is the 1 that is the historian for the group. The music critic is the generally happy one, never put that one in charge! The new 1, the creative 1, finds much power when the creative juices are flowing, even giving Sweettooth a run for her money.I love listening to the one I call the prayer. Soothing words being spoken, all there for the listening. Some days, I spend hours there.

I call town hall meetings, regularly but someone is always in the bathroom or at the snack table. If you don't announce there will be snacks, no one would ever come. Then, there are those who are present but not really. Daydreamer and List maker have a hard time concentrating in the Moment and prefer to read the minutes by email, the following week.

I am proud of the work we do. It doesn't always get done in a timely manner or without alot of discourse, but it gets done. And Sometimes, though rare, we all have an outing like yesterday, where we enjoy the music, fresh air and each other...

That is so 17 seconds ago...

I first noticed the light. A combination of the light and her hair was all I could see. The next I was thinking is that laptop is so 17 seconds ago.

Admittingly, I am a tech gunkie and spend much time, reading about the Now. Apple does nothing by accident, hence the reason that the new iPad, wasn't given the names rumored and speculated on. No iPad 3 or iPad HD. Apple wants to be like Kleenex. No matter what brand of tissue you use, most of us call it Kleenex. Apple wants you to think of tablets, in the same way. No matter what tablet you are using, they want us to think iPad.

I have had a tablet since Day 1. Loved iPad 1. Got iPad 2 and fell in love all over again. The third genteration iPad is on its way, I have been saving my money since last fall. While I believe in Never Saying Never, with that being said, I will not buy another laptop. Tablets have virtually destroyed the netbook world and moving on the laptop world.

There were a couple others at Flying M, The guy dressed like he came from the 1890, hat and all. The kid carrying around the 100# backpack. Students, adults and high school kids. What will my favorite coffee shop look like in 5 years? I imagine much different that today. Personally, I can hardly wait...

constant...

There are days when all is right with the world. We feel good about where we are. We feel good about life. Our bellies are full, we are not too cold or too warm. The world is just coming up roses, from every angle.

Then there are the days that our very existence feels so fragile that it could crumble, at any Moment. When putting one foot in front of the other, seems like trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.

We all go back and forth, alternating with a few non-plussed days inbetween. There is never a constant in our lives, constant would be like standing still and life just doesn't work that way. Some things, we see coming. Others, blindside us. It is just not doable to live in either camp.

What we do have control over is our faith, whatever that looks like in your life. The belief that whaever happens, we will survive. To understand and accept that we can't have all the answers now. To know that the tears won't flow forever, knowing that at some point, they will subside. That we can live with a broken heart, even when it feels like we can not.

The constant isn't the life, it is the faith. That is where we need to focus, to rely on, and learn how precious it really is...

social...

Sometimes, we are connected to people by events. Sometime, by Season of life. Some are short term relationships, like a bond made during a hospital visit. And sometimes, it is by the marriage of their kids. These is the case with these two.

In the Real World, these two would never be friends. There is not one drop of common ground except their children and grandchildren. Their commonality is they would do anything for those 5 people.

Anything. Even to help rebuilding a fence at said 5 people's house.

Anything.

Love is a wonderful thing. This kind of love is awesome to watch...

smart...

You are 100 miles from smart...George Clooney/The Descendants.

At any given time, if you asked my definition of what smart looks like, there would be a common theme. It grows and changes but a similiar thread would be present.

My experience has taught me that a degree is no assurance of being smart. What it does show is the fortitude of sustaining a course of learning for an certain period of time. There is validity in that alone. Proving to yourself that you have the gift of sticktoitness. You most certainly pick up facts along the way that may help make better choices, but again, no guarantee.

Can being smart be taught? It depends on what your criteria is. To me, smart is about not only knowing right from wrong but acting on it. Sheldon, for the Big Bang Theory, would try to sway you about his smartness but rattling off what he knows. To me, the smart one is secure enough - not to. Smart is about putting others first, using their smartness for good instead of evil. Keaton had a band teacher last year that insisted the kids call him, Dr XXXXXXX. He would not acknowledge him if they didn't. Not so smart in my book.

I wish I was smarter. Not in book knowledge but in people learning. While our culture bows down to the academia world, I think we are missing the boat. I know many, many smart people who don't have a high school diploma. I know those with degrees that have no more common sens, than a rock.

Go ahead and think you are pretty smart but be carefully how you come to that decision. It may be the smartest thing you can do...

conspiracy...

Jason Russell, of the Kony 2012 fame found himself and his organization in dark trouble last week. After having the single most viral video in the history of the internet, he may have brought down the whole commission, in one afternoon.

Friday, it was annouced that he had some sort of mental breakdown in the middle of a street in San Diego. Naked, vandalising cars and accused of sexual issues. He is now on a mental hold and will be evaluated.

The CEO of Invisible Children gave a rambling statement about malnourishment, exhaustion and dehydration to explain away Mr Russell's behavior. I think that was the wrong way to handle it and did more harm.

My usually,doubting Thomas husband came up with another theory. One I hadn't even considered, then or now. If there is no mental health history of this man, he thinks someone might have poisoned him. That there was a traitor close to him, someone who slipped something in his food or drink, trying to bring down the whole organization, in one swoop.

He might have Something there. As fast as we are all flying these days, the opposite of that is how far we can fall at the speed of light. Does it change the mission of Kony 2012? No. Does it hurt the mission of Kony 2012? Indeed, it does.

Never have been much of a conspiracy theorist. Love making up Stories but as DH always tells me, You are giving them too much credit, they aren't that smart.


Whatever is the truth, Kony 2012 will take care of itself and I wish Mr Russell, the very best. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, is always a good path to go...

chemical evolution...

The Challenges of Chemical Evolution/Dr Tim.

1. Making simple organic molecules
2. Homochiratly
3. Polymerization


I was with him until he started explaining in detail, each item. This is Week 2 of Organic Chemistry with Dr Tim and my head is starting to explode. I have pages and pages of notes, some I can read, most I can not. He warned us and has stayed true, there has been no bible talk for the llast 2 weeks. It has been a simplier form of one of his classes, with not an ounce of touchy - feely.

While I have missed much, again, what I can get, is enough. After an hour of amino acids, polmers, DNA and coding, I need to find Something I can relate too. He never disappoints.

In the end, this is what I walk away with. Science lives and is confined by philosopy. With philosopy, no proof is need. Ignoring the obvious, allows one to live in their head and spread that knowledge, however they see it.

Information has 4 parts to it.
1. Sender
2. Medium
3. Message
$. Receiver.

Most of the scientific community do not believe in the sender. Without the sender, there is no medium, message or receiver. It may be as easy as who came first, the chicken or the egg? The question is not who came first, but who made the chicken and the egg.

That is always the question. Not how man evolved from apes but who made the apes. You can't make something out of nothing and if it all started with nothing, now where do you go?

Good thing we have a 2 week break coming, dreamt about DNA chains the other night. Oh My...

dark...

I think most of us are scared of the dark. Pitch black, can't see your hand in front of your face, dark.

When you don't have to move about, the dark is much easier to navigate through. Sometimes, I just give in, Try to be in the dark Moment, see what I can see and imagine the rest. When the train goes through our part of town in the middle of the night, you can hear the whistle as the soars into the dark. I love listening to them and the darker, the better. It takes practice to even start to become comfortable in the dark, pretty sure it will never come easy, come naturally.

If you add just a bit of light with the dark, you have a whole new place to dwell. It only takes a bit of light to help you see and if the light keep falling one in front of another, it can take you all the way to Where you are going. Dark in no place you want to live but it is a Place that we must go through, it is just part of the Process...

downhill...

Dear KTVB, You guys are a class act, always have been but your newest ad is not up to your usual, better than standard, standards.

There is a lingering clip of the announcement of Steve Appleton's death. I can't help but read it and know that as it lingers in my mind, what it is doing to his family.

You are a good friend of the family. You need to put that relationship, first - ahead of ratings. You can get your message across without that kind of detail. Various clips of news, sell just as well. In this case, the detail - no matter who or what, is not needed and shows a lack of respect for your friendship.

Time to reverse this downhill trend.
Do the right thing.
Think before you print.

We all have downhill Moments. Moments when we do the wrong thing, for the wrong reason. It is our humanity flying its less than honerable, flag. Sometimes, we just have to stop and reverse course. Today is their day, is it yours too?...

Lights. Camera. Action...

While the grown men in the family are building fences at the old homestead, they rest of us - hit retail.

Boys who continue to grow and have holes in otherwise, perfectly good jeans - had to reckoned with this weekend. It seemed like August School shopping all oer again. As they tried on this and that pant, needing an every ending parade of sizes and color, that would rival any girl's shopping trip, we girls had to make our own fun.

And, this always includes getting the camera out, no matter where we are. Hours earlier, the three of them tried to get me down, tickle me. The boys did a great job of pinning me down and I was laughing too hard to actually get away. They told Miss M torun and get my camera and take my photo. There seemed to be some photo motive involved. Whether they were going to post it online or what the revenge was going to be was never fully discussed but it was clear, they thought - camera revenge is ours.

Then, there are times like this where playing to the camera seems to be a good thing. There are over 10 shots like this one in various poses, that she thought were memory-worthy. Will make a page and make that happen for her, the least I can do for Miss Cooperative.

They know I am camera ready at all times.
They know that 90% of the time, I shoot whatever they are doing.
They know I love them.

Sometimes, love and photos go together. Like today...

bragging...

While she was Oh So Cute, at her first basketball game, she didn't have a clue to what she was doing. Oh So Cute...

Didn't know which direction she was going or had a good handle on the game. The girl that played in this photo looks nothing like that girl. The girl we all saw today played defense like I have never seen a girl play. Watched you scream down that court, allowing nothing and yet, you made 8 points and set up a few more.

I thought it was just me, a proud nana but when you coach told your parents that he has coached for three years and has never, seen anyone like you. He was blown away and thinks you have much basketball potential. WOW.

How do any of us go from zero to hero? For some, it comes easy. For some, we have to work for it. In sports, there are few who are humble. The ones who think they are potential NBA stars, act accordingly. When you see someone who just play the sport, just because - that smile that covers their face is contagious. Later on, she said, " I just couldn't help from smiling".

That's my girl and I am so proud. You Go Girl!

on the run...

If this week has taught me anything, it is we are running hard and faster, every day. Every day.

It use to be we tried to keep up with the Jones's. They are the very least of our problem, these days. Most of us have built in keeper upper withs, that put the Jones's, to shame. If you have been on the internet, turned on a TV or radio or just little or no attention, the 2012 Koby movement has most certainly, crossed your path. It started trending immediately after it launch and went viral in a very short time. Heard that yesterday there were over a million people an hour, watching the 29 minutes video. Try to keep up that!

So, if we have left the Jones's way behind in the dust, we have inserted ourselves as the Team to beat. That means we can redesign how that looks at any given time. We are now at the mercy of ourselves, and while that may bring up some red flags, the truth is - we have the power to change how that looks. This is a good thing. If I choose to race, it is against myself. If I choose to change, I know the source, pretty well.

Have a 2012 Koby icon on my desktop. I have never been more proud of young people this week, they know social media and aren't afraid to use it. They will blanket the planet and Joseph Koby will have no place to hide. The Jones's have nothing on them, mostly caring about manicured lawns and granite countertops. We have much to learn and I for one, can't wait...

cool...

You who know me, have met me or seen me know - I am anything but cool. My art and nanahood, have been graciously called cool and while I am honored, thinking that it is more of a geezer-cool than the cool of Today.

When I think of cool, I think the young, hip, Apple-Loving crowd. I think of the Arab Spring people all over the world, who have been busy changing the world.

Joseph Kony. Ever heard of him? Me either, until today. A 24 minutes movie brought a whole new coolness, into my awareness. In a nutshell, Joseph Kony has been waging a war for the last 26 years where his soldiers he has kidnapped and trained. Girls are kidnapped and used for prostitution. Uganda has been his playground and he has been runnig wild. That is no longer the case. The cool kids, the ones who know how to use social media have forced him to go into deep hiding. They are on his case. The cool kids now that if a bad guy is known, if his face and name are plastered on every wall, post and is no longer, invisible - there is no place to hide. Their effort is hard to take in, tears come to your eyes when you realize how our lives are changing, that the evil dictators of the world, have been taken out in so many countries.

Josepk Kony, you have been outted. The cool kids are after you and I am cheering them on. Cool by association, and so proud, I could just bust...

adult children...

I was so naive when my girl was a toddler. Thinking that, if I could just get thru the next couple years... there would be the reward of, making it.
Toddlers have nothing on adult children but you couldn't ever have convinced me of, that all those years ago.

The worries of toddlers, the crashing into the coffee table or escaping out the front door disappear. Those crazy fears pale in comparision to losing jobs and heart-breaking life events. While it takes many years to see this clearly, when you do - it helps put your thinking into a more, understandable state.

Those toddlers eventually go to teens and that is a whole, other world in itself. Those years where death doesn't seem possible until a group of friends are killed on a late Saturday night. That feeling of invincibility goes from improbable to possible as one moves into adulthood but for the parent, there are just more things to worry about. Add in grandchildren and you push the ante up, even more.

I am so proud of my girl. She has grown up to spend her time, raising her family. She has no problem telling the kids, doesn't matter than bobby's parent's let him watch R-rated movies, you won't be. All those things that take constant attention, the watering, feeding, running around. I thought I had it hard with one, with three, she knows what to ask and where to look.

Still, there is a part of her, that will always be my little girl. I want none or very few bumps along the way. No more worries about coffee tables or escaping. The worries are different but have the same intensity. If I could protect her, my fabulous SIL or my darling 3 - I would do it in a heartbeat but I can't. I can lift them up to the One who holds them tight, and I do. When I remember to whom they belong, I am a better mother. I have been allowed to be a part of these wonderful peoples lives, never take it for granted. The worry just comes with the job, seems like a small price to pay for such a great privilege...

in the now...

Loving these photos that are technically, less than perfect but their captures of everyday life, can't be denied.

Do I live my life, like Gage? Focused, waiting, no hurry or do I live it like Mr Flash, going 100 miles an hour with my hair on fire.

Truth be told, we all go back and forth from each camp but may find ourselves more like Mr Flash. Life never allows us to take it slow, that task is solely up to us. WE are the Captains of our ships and we decide and steer Our Boat.

The times that I identify with Mr Flash, seem totally out of control. There does not seem to be any level of control, yet in fact there is. We can always, always, choose to breathe. Stop, take a few seconds and breathe. There is no one that is not able to do this. Might take some time to exercise and create that muscle but it can be done.

Even in basketball, there is time to stop and think. Of course there are times that nothing but a slam dunk or basket at the buzzer, will do but for the many Moments inbetween, there is time to breathe and give our hair a rest...

treat...

Sometimes, you just need a treat. A reward for a task, new learned behavior or just because. Just because is the reason, we as a society are in some of the trouble we are in.

A treat is just that. A one time, little celebration of us. We make enough bad and selfish decisions that when we go beyond ourselves, that is Something definitely worth elevating to the tune of Something Special. The thing is, we have gotten too good at treating ourselves and it is costing us, big.

It starts with a little, you deserve it. Those are fighting words. As a culture, we have gotten a bit lost. What we deserve is to take better physical care of ourselves, or manage our finances so we can sleep at night - not a reward of 6 donuts or getting a Birthday car that comes with a payment book.

We deserve better.
We deserve to be honest with ourselves.
We all deserve a treat, a healthy treat. One that won't do us in...

sit...

Sit, take a load off.

It is the prefrontal of your brain that has to reconcile the artiste of your right hemisphere with the logician of your left, the tough guy of your hypothalamus with the drama queen of your anterior cingulae cortex.


Stay with me, it gets better.

All that seems like more than enough but then come the dorm rats and party animals of your midbrain, the place where your most decadent appetites - drinking, gambling, eating, smoking, shopping, sloth, sex, come to get fed.



Told you.

The battle between your noble lobes and ignoble ones isn't even close. Eating, having sex and sleeping are vital for the survival of the species, so evolution arranged for them to be irresistbly pleasureable.

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Acquisitiveness is important too, so shopping and gambling carry kicks of their own. As for smoking, drinking and taking drugs, they have no survival value but they don't need to, since they sidestep evolution and pick the chemical locks of the brain's pleausre centers directly.

Sidestep. That explains quite a bit.

This article from Time magazine, Getting to No, The science of building willpower goes on to explain much about willpower and how the brain works.
We are complicated creatures and there is So Much about us that has nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with survival.

The bad news is that there is no pill, to fix this. We need to create new habits that take the place of old ones instead of just trying to go, cold turkey. I have seen cold turkey in action work, just once. Almost 40 years ago, DH stopped smoking in a weekend. He just stopped. He is also the one who can eat two cookies and stop. Would love to study his brain, because for most of us, it is not that simple. Most of us, sidestep. If it is true that we can learn to build willpower, as I look around at our world, now would be a great time to start...