Doing a little spring cleaning last week and came across a birthday calendar book that I had made in 1994. On the back cover was my theme for the year, Black and White, Living in a Grey World.
As the title implies, there was a definite feeling of being set apart. What it doesn't say is the feeling of desperation. I don't have the greatest of memory recall but what I do remember, I can step into that memory and feel the same emotions I felt at that time. Maybe I am in the minority, I don't know but this feeling of being a fish out of water with no hope in sight and quickly sinking is how I felt.
Could that really have been 14 years ago? While I still would classify myself in the B&W category, there is no longer accompanied by any kind of desperation. I have actually somewhat enjoyed dabbling in the Grey World. I have stretched my black and white self and have immersed myself in the this NewToMe world with great results. I think the best part is the creative process that I never imagined I had. Would have bet you many dollars that I didn't have a creative bone in my body. I am finally learning that is the B&W talking.
Being able to recall those angry feelings and also recognizing that they are no longer in residence, was a great personal discovery. We aren't always able to look back and see thru the anger and I still have ISSUES but this one, not so much.
Hopefully, it won't take 14 years to work thru each issue - I've got art to make...
