idle...

Idle, a place we find ourselves from time to time. It might really be the best place to be because if you can't see behind you and ahead of you, seems out of reach, all you have is the present. Wonder why Sometimes, it is not enough?

Feeling caught between between old life and new life that is coming, maybe it is about holding on with both hands. Not sure what the future holds and at least the past, holds some familiarity. Something to hang on to. Maybe that is the point of being idle, time to lose that comfort zone.

I have been here a few times in my life. After a job loss when it was easier to look behind, rather than ahead. If memory serves, that turned out fine. Maybe you can have one hand on the future while holding on to the past and thinking about the present.

Have always heard that you are either going forward or backward, never standing still. Never idle. Whatever this state is, I don't plan on staying here long but for today, it's where I need to be. Happy Leap Day!

sweettooth...

Dear Miss Sweettooth,

You may be my longest running relatiohship. For as long as I can remember, you have been there. Day or night, holiday or everyday - you are a constant presence in my life. I can feel you as you ride in on that white horse, waving the flag.Trying to get my attention, which you always do, no matter what is going on.

I wish it could be different. I wish that what we have had a better mental health balance. More of a Give and Take, like between good friends but what we have is, you call and I pony up. All you have to do make a little bit of noise, and I want whatever you are selling.

Maybe it is better now. Last week, you came roaring in on Monday morning but settled down a bit the next few days. Wednesday, I looked up and it was lunch time, I almost missed it. When you are quiet, the world is a lovely place and I find my way around, quite easily. When you have Something going on, I only have eyes for you.

There must be some song Somewhere about quitting you but after all these years, I do not believe that is possible. We will have to learn to coexist with each other. Let's try to spend the rest of our time together, being mindful and thankful for our relationship, thankful that after 60 years, it would so cool to go out on a high note. Are you with me?

Are you kidding me? Really?

Every have one of those Moments? Your face gives you away as you may or may not be desperate, to rein your emotion in.

Sometimes, it comes out as vocally, in the form of sarcasm. Again, making a stab at trying to hide what is really going on inside. We humans are good at many things but hiding our rawest of emotions, when we just can't believe what you just did/said/agreed with/noticed/love/vocalized isn't one of them. At that very Moment, the look on our face, says it all. It is primal and real. It is who we really are. Time to fess up to ourselves and deal with what is.

If your nana is around and has no idea of what she has on her memory chip, she will document this for you so you too, can learn what it is to be human. That is the least she can do and she does it, most happily...

just say no...

I came into this world, without the ability to say no. Always a people pleaser, always thinking this time, it would be different. It took many years of trial and error to learn, that saying no is doable, and many times, the only thing to do.

For some of us, it takew a long time to understand that our doing is not who we are. When it looks like we are giving, it really comes from a Place of fear and abandonment.

We give for all the wrong reasons.
We give because we are scared.
We give to feel better about ourselves.

Learning to say no is a process. There can be Costs that we hurt, to pay. Some people will be mad and will walk away from you because you won't do what they want you to. In the end, it is worth it all. Learning to say no is the best gift you can give both to them and yourself. Expect the pain and know that the right thing, doesn't always feel good. It's just the way it is...

I've got your back...

Today was the televised funeral of Steve Appleton. For those of you Far Away, he was the CEO of Micron Technology. A wild and crazy guy, from all accounts. In fact, he was killed several weeks ago on a beautiful Friday morning in an experimental aircraft.

A pilot, race car driver, tennis player Extraordinaire - there seemed to be no end to his adventurous spirit. With a wife and four kids, even if he was given more than his share of 24 hours in a day, there was seemingly no way he could do it all, yet is would appear he was many things to many people.

One reoccuring theme seem to indicate that whoever you were, you felt like he had your back. When someone says, he has your back - there is a crystal clear indication of support and a special kind of love. When you have someone's back, there isn't much you would not do. For some, there is nothing that you wouldn't do.

There are many things that can be said at a funeral about someone. What do you want people to say about you. Whether you are an adventurer or the shy type, imagine that knowing that people thought you had their back, has to be up there. Way up there...

There are many things I wish I was better at. Many, many things.

tribe...

A society larger than a band but smaller than a state.

There are other definitions but this one speaks to me. When I think of tribes, Indians come to mind. That what too much TV will do to you. I think of teepees and always moving bands of people who share the same DNA. Life has taught me that DBA isn't everything it is cracked up to be. My tribe history contains more non-blood than blood relatives.

When I think of my tribe, I smile. Big. These are the people who have grabbed my heart and run off with it. Some of my tribe is local, I can be there in a few minutes. Some are far away. If I could get them all under one tee pee, it would be a Gathering Of Mega Proportions. Thinking we would all sit in a circle so we could see each other. Tables with name tags would be so 200 years ago.

Isn't that what social media is doing these days? Twitter more so than Facebook. Let's face it, when you have to agree to LIKE someone, it is not always because you think they are tribe material. With Twitter's, Follow, it has more of a tribal feel and yes, I prefer Twitter to Facebook.

Imagine that after my tribe is all settled in, comfy and cozy, there would be a few announcements and then the general invitation would be given. Let's do this thing and me and my homies would love, happily forever after...

percentages...

Spent part of the day, searching for affordable medical insurance as DH and I will lose ours at retirement. 45 years of having insurance, this just feels strange. What is even stranger is that I found the best deals today during my 6 month search and they are still, out of reach. Had been looking at plans with a $10,000 deductable that would cost over 100% of our combined pensions. Today I found 5 plans that only would cost between 42% - 47%. Still not doable.

While not a Numbers Girl, I love the basic premise of percentages. When I read the commments at Amazon before buying a book, camera or anything - what I am really looking at is how strong something is like or disliked by a group of people whose only involvement is wanting a great product. At the App store, the comments drive whether I buy an app, or not, period.

There are times where the numbers, just don't jive. Was having trouble reading a book club selection. The first chapter put me off but I plugged away for 2 more. There was no going forward. I looked up the comments of Amazon and 99% of those people seemed to be reading a different book. Glowing reports of wonderfulness that was completely and utterly, lost on me.

While no one can say for sure, I am 100% sure that percentages are a big part of our lives, maybe even huge....

you...

We may be very aware of who we are, every once in a while.

Spent the day at the Apple Genius Bar with Miss Kailee. Have got to say I have not been this impressed with one of the female gender in quite a while. Should say we were at the same Genisu Bar yesterday with our iPad issue and a nice young man helped us but didn't understand the problem and I spent many hours that night trying to make his fix work.

Miss K listened to me for a few seconds, understood the problem completely. She ran us through some options and quickly explained how we had done all we could do, now Apple support would have to take it from there. She went one step further and emailed Apple support, explaining the problem and the fix. It will take 24 hours for Apple to get back and me and there may some issue with Apple having to delete and consolidating accounts to bring our beloved iPad back.

She was a perfect example of her Millennial generation. Bubbly, totally engaged on her iPhone but listening to me and answering all our questions without missing a beat. I will confess that my experience with tech support has been heavily influenced by male techs but this girl has changed my perspective forever. It was a pleaaure meeting her today.

Thanks Miss S! You so totally rock. Hope you go far at Apple, it would only be their lost if you don't...

nothing...

So at the end of the day, there are two camps of thinking.

In the beginning, God or,
In the beginning, nothing.

Like it or not, we each decide, what we believe. Either all this was created or a much tougher explanation to make, how Something came out of nothing.

Being raised in the Nothing Camp, questions were few. Nothing was never explained and quite frankly, I don't remember ever caring or asking. The questions of who made horses and mountains, never occured to me. Just trying to make it through any given day was all the questioning I could ever handle.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Watching Whitney Houston's funeral yesterday, came with a high from deep inside. Blown away by testimonies from Tyler Perry and Kevin Costner, my faith and heart were encouraged and running hot. Tyler Perry talked about Romans and how nothing, absolutely nothing can seperate us from the love of God. Not even 20 years of drug use or a lifetime of drunkness oreven living in the Nothing camp.Nothing

You can't make Something out of nothing.

If we can agree that it is logical that no one can make Something out of nothing and that nothing can seperate us from the Love of God, it would seem safe to say that nothing means nothing, no matter who you are, what you have done. It is Nothing, at it's best. Know it, and live it...

in law...

With the announcement this week of a dear friend girl's wedding later this year, here are few things I wish Someone had told me when my girl got married. Admittedly, I have never had a son but having a father, husband, son in law and grandson, thinking I have a pretty fair handle as it relates to being a in law.

You will always, be the mother, Always. The thing is that role becomes secondary when your child chooses a mate. The responsiblilty for making that shift, for the new Season of life for everyone, lies with you.

You are no longer, nor should you be, the stronghold of their lives.
You no longer have the Final Say.
You do not come first, any more.
Your words may or may not be taking into consideration.
You are not a silent partner, you have an active role to play.

And most importantly, if your child doesn't understand this shift, it is up to you to whoe them the way. It is our job to send them in the direction of a healthly relationship. It is no longer about what you as a parent thinks, it is know time to be a support and that may mean getting tough when said child wants to run back to the comfort of home.

Think it is tough now, wait until babies come. That brings a whole new set of responsiblities. When to speak, when to shut up. Make no mistake, your heart strings will be pulled like never before but this isn't a Season of just sitting back. You need to understand your part and help make the new couple's chances of not being in the over 50% failure rate. Extended family can make or break a couple. Time to grow up. You have the power, make sure to use it wisely, even if it hurts like crazy...

pay attention...

We all spend a fair amount of time on AutoPilot when it comes to life. That highway hypnosis thing when you are going down the road and suddenly realize that you weren't paying attention and there are a few miles you don't remember going down.

It seems that the AutoPilot feature in the human spirit covers many different aspects of life. We grab the laundry, throw it in the washing machine and off we go. We make spaghetti the same way every time. Paying attention is a one way street,and the distrations of life are many.

The things is we can't learn if we aren't listening and in life, we are either talking or listening. One or the other. Either trying to make a point ortrying to learn Something new. There is a time for each of them and if we get them mixed up, there will be consequences that may bring unwanted pain in to our lives.

Trying to become more aware of when I need to and shut up and listen more. It does not come easy for me. The older I get, the more I want to be a student. The more I understand that while my years of experience have been invaluable to me, there is more to learn and that the combination of what I know and what I can learn will make me a better person. Living in either camp is not the desired place to be. There has to be More, I just know it...

Happy Valentime's Day...

Maybe Hallmark has a heavy hand and interest in this day. So does Dove, Godiva, Hershey's and Victoria's Secret.

Always feel bad on Valentine's Day for those who would love to have someone intheir lives to bring them a bunch of flowers or a box of candy. It is tough to feel like a third wheel but it is also a day to turn it around and own it.

Just like those who are left out of Mother/Father's Day, Sometimes you have to make your own magic. Think outside the box and find somebody to love. True, you may have to look a bit further than some of us. I know how lucky I am. I am thankful for these little people, their parents and the man who made this all possible. They are the best of me and even if we have to celebrate a few days earlier because school, basketball practice and real Life gets in the way, it is a wonderful thing.

This year, if you find yourself a bit more blue than red, find something, someone to celebrate the act of love.Follow the path you have not allowed yourself to go down and feel a part of Cupid's Day of arrow slinging. Join in the fun instead of just waiting for 24 hours to pass. Happy Valentine's Day...

stunned...

Aretha Franklin was stunned at the news of her goddaughter, Whitney Houston's death. MSNBC

Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston. Is stunned really the word we want to use? Over the last few days, one keeps hearing that word when referring to someone to whom risky behavior was the norm. This is not about the morality but the consequences of deciding to use drugs/alcohol. This is about the dangers that we are all aware of, so to say you are stunned at an almost by the book ending, seems a bit odd to me.

We all know people in our lives that are grossly obese because they have treated food just like the drug addict, treats their addiction and can honestly say I have never heard anyone say they were stunned by the death of someone who weighs 500 pounds.

We are not stunned when we not blindsided. When we have watched addiction of choice lived out in front of us. With us, when we have discussed and worried and discussed again and again. Stunned, not possible.

Stunned.
To shock or suprise.

Stunned is being there to see a sunset, or experiencing an unexpected gift of love. It is Something magical, and comes completely by surprise. It you are part of people's lives, you are part of their choices and you will never be stunned, by the reality of consequences. Theirs or yours...

trust...

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.Pinterest.

We don't like to talk about it but Somethings, have to be asked.

I knew the Big Answer was rock and roll but was a bit fuzzy with the details. As we headed to basketball, I asked him, straightout.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

He looked at me and immediately said, Jesus is Just Alright With Me.

Wouldn't have gone so really, glad I asked. The truth is whether you are talking organ donation or funeral tunes, you are at the mercy of your loved ones. Like it or not, your wishes, legal and otherwise, end with your last breath. In the midst of death, people seem to lose their way and what we want isn't always, what we get.

This is a good choice. While he would really prefer, Stevie Ray Vaughn's, If The House is Rocking, Don't Bother Knocking, might seem a poor choice to those at said funeral. Don't worry Darlin, Stevie will be there Somewhere...

women and Spring...

This many women, together
can only mean one thing.
It is time to plan the spring
banquet of their focus.
Whether it be a Ladies Brunch
at a church, club or rented hall,
the ritual is always the same.
Make no mistake, this is serious business,
not taken lightly nor a place to try something new.
While waiting for my friend,
it was impossible not to hear their plans,
of table decorations Now and Then.
Of times, that brought them,
much joy and success.
Women have been planning events, forever.
They know what works and aren’t afraid to do it.
Not the time nor place to try new things,
this is where the tried and true is made to shine.
I have been where they are, I know the process.
I didn’t fare too much in this arena, always wanting to go,
where no woman had before.
Still I have great respect for those who can talk about menus,
decorations and chairs like it was brain surgery.
Something, I never could master.
You Go Girls...

buffet...

Life really is like a buffet. Every morning, we are staring at multiple choices that are not only pulling us in different directions but constantly trying to lure us, to take another plate even when we have had enough.

There are many, many good choices we could make. Many great things and some not so great things screaming, to get our time. Depending on your absolutes - work, school, we each have to decide what to put on our plate. It was are reported last week that the average worker spends $1000 a year on coffee. Starbucks has found a way to not only to get us to spend our money but, to consistantly do so, every day.

My days now, certainly don't resemble the days spent as a young mother, wife and employee. The one that yelled the loudest, won. Sick kid trumps work, project trumps going home early. These days, the load is lighter and my priorities have changed. When we took Keaton to a Sunday buffet, a few weeks ago, I thought he might go crazy. He has his nana's sweet tooth which when presented with an unlimited menu, takes away any good sense we possess, at any given time but a funny thing happened. He didn't go crazy. He was full after just going back, a second time and his choices were balanced with no words from me.

Sometimes, having too many choices is overwhelming and we wish there were less. That is never going to happen, our days fill every day with more and more. The trick is for us, to do our part, and see through the bowls and plates and dessert, taco, pototo, salad bars of life and just take enough to fill us up. Not going crazy, is always a good thing...

not winning...

Nothing is more interesting, riveting or enlightening than the tles from the loser's locker room. Mike Barnicle.

Of course, he was referring to the New England Patriots locker room yesterday after their almost not a loss to New York. A clip showed a stunned Tom Brady unable to collect his thoughts while trying to say positive things about his teammates who had so called, had drop the ball a few times yesterday that could have changed the whole game.

Thinking anywhere there are 2 teams and a competition, there is always a winner and loser. We all take turns in each camp. No one ever wins all the time and I believe, can't lose all the time - no matter what their thought process tells them. The true character of a person may very well be played in the locker room and not the field. Whether in public arenas like sports and politics, how to lose graciously should be taught right next to, what comes oh so naturally, how to lose.

In Real Life, it is critical to learn after all the cards have been played and you are not moving on, how to lose. Whether work, church, friends and especially family, when things don't go your way - walk into the locker room of life, have a cry if you need to and then, hold up your head, heart and words up and move on. Character over winning, every time...

shape...

Always on the look out for the perfect purse. Have a history of being eluded, many promising much and delivering, very little. A purse is like a pet, nothing you ever, ever give at birthdays or Christmas.

The perfect purse has to be felt and hung on shoulder or crossover tested. The contents of any given woman's belongings has to fit in said purse. Whether she needs outside pockets, side pockets (a new must for carrying Diet Coke) and the inside space hat to fit perfectly. The size of present and in the future wallets has to be taken into consideration. Now, I have to have one that not only fits my big wallet and camera but iPad.

Had been looking for a couple of months with no success. Either too little or too big, not enough or the right pockets, the search went on and then there she was...at JCPenneys. I wasn't sure so held on tightly to my receipt but to my great pleasure, when I got it home - everything fit. What I didn't understand is that I should have just taken my favorite coffee cup, purse shopping with me.

Last fall, I hit a great sale at Pier One when I found my favorite coffee cup. I always knew that I loved the big cups but didn't realize how the shape effected me. Large at the top and tapered at the bottom. The perfect shape of coffee cup was also the perfect shape for a purse. Does shape make a difference in our lives, should we be paying more attention? Now I am wondering, what else in my life would be made most excellent because of its shape?

Help!!!!!!!!!!!

Help!!!Am Sorry to bother you with this mail, but I'm out of the country in Cyprus and found myself in a situation which i really need to take care of now. I need a loan of $3500 but will appreciate any amount you can help me with, Would have called but i lost mobile phone to the incident , I'll explain the situation better and refund the money back to you immediately i get back home. Kindly get back to me as soon as you get this email to let me know if you can help me with this. Kindly keep this between us.I hope to hear from you in no distant time. I am sincerely sorry if you feel bothered or embarrassed by this message.
Thanks.

Rebecca


Found this in my email, first thing Friday morning and honestly, it gave me the biggest belly laugh I have had in a long time.

Yes I do have a friend, Rebecca.
If you knew Rebecca, being out of the country would be an oxymoron.
Cyprus too.

Even if you could buy that Rebecca went out of the country to Cyprus, you would be hard pressed to believe that my friend lost her cell phone. She loses nothing. She is the straightiest arrow I know. You can set your life watch by Rebecca. She sets her heart by what she believes, her faith is unshakable and didn I mention, she would never go to Cyprus. Suppose all that was out the window, and she lost her cell phone and needed $3500, she wouldn't care about me being bothered or embarrased, If she needs help, she will ask.

I hope to hear from you in no distant time. This is my favorite line. When I hear of people getting emails and phone calls, usually from family members, it makes me sad that they aren't close to their families or not smart enough to ask questions before sending off money.

Love you, Miss R! Since we were text talking the other night, I know exactly where you are and what you are doing. Come on Baby, Light my Fire, Amazon Fire-that is...

the Jesus recipe...

Becoming a Christian might look more like falling in love than baking cookies. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that in order for a person to know Jesus they must get a kind of crush on Him. But what I am suggesting is that, not unlike any other relationship, a person might need to understand that Jesus is alive, that He exists, that He is God, that He is in authority, that we need to submit to Him, that He has the power to save, and so on and so on, all of which are ideas, but ideas entangled in a kind of relational dynamic. This seems more logical to me because if God made us, wants to know us, then this would require a more mysterious interaction than what would be required by following a kind of recipe.Donald Miller.

Falling asleep. Heard a Story about someone's friend who before coming to Jesus, described going to sleep at nighte as a big, black hole thing. The implication was after coming to Jesus, it went away. I have a slight problem with those kind of Stories, they may happen that way but it smacks of a fear factor to me. Some of us didn't have that experience. For some of us, being a non-believer was much easier than being a believer. Better, no but no horror Story surrounds it. My experience, being raised an athesist, was far from that. I never thought I was missing Something. Never felt God. Never lost one night's sleep because of the darkness of the night., never.

Does that mean He wasn't there? Absolutely not but if we are going on feelings and black holse, we have to be honest. Is it easier to be a believer? No. Do the fears, go away? No. Is it worth saying all those prayers, reading all those parables, trying daily to love your fellow man? ABSOLUTELY. I wouldn't trade it for the world but I have got to be honest, one can be completely and utterly comfortable, until Jesus comes knocking at your door. Until He knocks so loud, you hear him. Then, you have to make a decision. Then the ball, is in your court...