feet...

I take lots of pictures of feet. Although I take them all year, I must admit I love summer feet the most. There is just something about bare toes interacting with nature whether in grass or sidewalk or even sitting in a garage during a yard sale.

I'm not sure that we appreciate feet enough. Everyday and multiple times of each of these days, we expect our feet to take us wherever we decide to go. Sometimes planned and sometimes, on the spur of the Moment - we decide and just expect our feet to be on call 24/7.

I realize that you may not like the look of your feet but I have come to love mine. Some days I even consider them - cute. Have always been a flip flop girl and this year I discovered the Crocs brand flip flop and am in little piggy girl footwear heaven. In fact, I need to grab a few more pairs - they have a bit more support than your runofthemill flip flop. They are to die for.

So I have a healthy respect for feet. A photo with feet can be very telling about a person. I love that you don't always need a face to tell a Story. Cute little toes - some with nail polish, some with blades of grass, some with the cutest of shoes, some with dirt, smeared all thru the toes. Standing in a wading pool or in a field of corn. On a playground or in the cereal aisle at Albertson ( this is my next one on my list).

The next best thing after taking us on our neverending journeys is the ability to dance. This would not be possible without these wonderful little creatures. Give it up for feet!

the glass is 1/2 full...

While this is not me, Miss D makes quite the metaphor for what I have discovered about myself. BTW, prayers are with you tomorrow Ms D - Go get em...

A while back I had was talking obout trying to change my ways and see the glass as 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty in my life. It hit me late last week that I had a distorted idea of what 1/2 full must look like to be there. I had a whole list of things that I thought had to be changed in my personality to acheive this near nirvana state. I found out last week I was wrong, again.

I thought it meant that I loved everybody I met instantly.
I thought it meant I had to stop being sarcastic and cynical.
I thought that if you were prone to depression, you could never, ever see 1/2 full.

I have since learned that my gratitude makes me see the 1/2 full.
It allows me the chance to be joyful.
I have been given much, even if it all ended today.

I will always have my moments - I am human and that won't change this side of heaven but I understand that 1/2 full is my default. Wow, I am truly walking on Sonshine...

Saint Theresa's prayer...

After going thru all the Tim Russert memories with the NBC family last week, I have never wanted to be an Irish/Catholic more. They turned all the things I thought about parochial school on its ear and gave me a wide-eyed view of what it is to be in an Big Catholic family and I was so ready to sign up.

During the memorial service last Wednesday, Maria Kennedy talked about this prayer that she starts each day with. I googled it after the service so I could get it in its entirety. It seemed to me a great prayer to start the day with so I decided that starting this week I would incorporate it into my daily routine as well.

It was a tough weekend and all I can say is that I wish I had started it on Thursday. It might have made all the difference. I got it out last night and read it and re-reread it.This layout is now the wallpaper on my computer. This morning, I read it again and let it slowly sink it. Really sink in. Soon it will be a part of me and it will come from the inside out. Until then, I will soak in all the God is and marvel from from He comes. I truly believe we have no idea of His comings and goings, we are merely to be ready when He shows up.

May Today there be peace within
May you trust God that you are exactly
where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God
let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul
the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of you.

Amen...

the Real you...

This is what women from all seasons of life - fight everyday. I think most of us don't even realize it but the burden to look a certain way is what we should be striving for and if we just buy Products X,Y and Z - we can attain it.

Deep down, we all want to look nice. We spend billions of dollars every year in all possible markets to prove that. Women have always been and will always be - about how we look. It is in our DNA and it is part of being a girl and with a healthy sense about it, we can have the best of both worlds. It's only when we step over the line of being unreal, that we get in trouble.

When we want to achieve what is unreal, we start to get in trouble. I love this video because it shows the Big Picture. When we start to value the inside more than the outside, now we have got Something. Have you ever been around someone who just makes your day? Most likely, it is because of Something you can't see. An inner beauty that comes from a place that Max Factor couldn't go even if he wanted to.

Go ahead and look your best but spend your time shining elsewhere. In the long run, it will make you a much happier camper and thanks Dove, for helping us to keep it real - we need all the help we can get.

liminal space...

Psychologists call \"liminal space,\" a place where boundaries dissolve a little and we stand there, on the threshold, getting ourselves ready to move across the limits of what we were into what we are to be...

Ever feel like you have been riding a wave? It seems like you have little control and are quite aware of it. Not sure where you are going or which direction you are headed. That has been my week. A lot of it has had to do with the passing of Tim Russert.

About 20 minutes before MSNBC was about to televise his funeral, I was cruising the digi gallery that I frequent often through out the day. There was a simple layout, one that featured a doorway. It caught my eye so I clicked on it to read it's Story. It was about liminal space and the digi girl was a psychologist. What an interesting mix but then again, truly, we are each a psychologist of sorts in our own worlds. I am going to have to research liminal space a bit more but it was exactly what I needed to take with me to Tim's funeral.

It was a perfect funeral, I know, I think all funerals are fabulous. It is the one time, we as humans - stop for just a moment to just be. People of faith sometimes act like we are not. This funeral was not the case. It was a time of tears and laughter. It was 2 1/2 hours of people loving in the most honest possible manner. I am so grateful that I could be a part of it. I can put my finger on it but what I am feeling is something like this liminal space thing.

If you can make time to watch the memorial service in its entirety, it will be well worth your time. Each speaker brings a dichotomy of emotions in their remembrances of their dear friend. It made me want to be a better person. It made me want to live my faith, out loud and most of all, it made me want to live out loud, every day.

It has been quite a week. I am spent after shedding tears for most of yesterday's service. I feel like I have been to church, in a good way. It's not just about one person's life but about each of us. What we are, not even deep down but how we treat each other, day after day. How our faith really plays out in our lives, what we really believe and how it manifests itself. God's puts the wave together and Sometimes all we have to do is hold on and ride it out. Today is a new day and I am ready to get back up on that life boadr and start hanging 10. What a ride!

post secret...

is a odd, little web site... PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard. There is an sense that we are a people of very different thinking and feeling. Some are funny, touching and some, just hit too close to home.

The Obama PS rings true on some many levels and I can certainly relate as to parental expectations. It will always amaze me what people will chose to throw themselves on their swords for. This will become less as the older generation dies off. It is a reality that we know is coming - homemade is going to have a whole different meaning in the next 10 years.

I saw the camera PS posted on a photography board. Boy, were those ladies up in arms that they had taken the time to learn how to use their cameras and this person was making a living by not paying the acceptable dues. It just made me laugh - not quite like a 4 year old doing brain surgery but you would not have known that by their outrage.

The last one, makes me smile. This person has captured the essence of Jesus yet I dare say - it would the one least appreciated. Like it or not, I perceive that Jesus would be open to way more people that I am. We each have a predisposition to the kind of people that He would be open too and I dare say, we would all be wrong. This person has more faith than I do. I say that because I don't believe that in that situation, I would be able to believe that about myself. That I would be able to accept the Love of Jesus which is what I believe Mr PS is really saying. It really gives me hope for myself.

I heard an interesting observation today. A political person was talking about Hillary Clinton's former Chief of Staff now going to be the COS for Obama's soon-to-be VP. It was said that obviously, Hillary would be out of the running now because of the breakdown of the friendship between these two ladies and this reporter went on to say, Not so fast - relationships with long histories can be healing in an instant. I like that kind of hope. Hope... isn't that what gets us through each day? Jesus sees all our Post Secrets, knows all our pitfalls and loves us anyway. That is hope enough for me...

hyperspeed...

My family always, always tells me I go to fast. I have, on occasion, agreed with them and yesterday - was one of those days.

Picked up the mail and received 2 offers of Visa debit cards. One had an actual card the other, just a letter to Call Me. I got my scissors out and started cutting up the card in what I would have considered an artistic manner. When I got finish, I picked up all the little pieces an started to put them in the offender's envelope when Something caught my eye, then my heart sunk.

Thank you for your recent purchase. Here is your Visa debit card equal to your delivery cost. Valid everywhere Visa is accepted... I had just cut up a $59 gift card.

All those warm artistic fuzzies were gone in a flash. I grabbed the nice people's paperwork and called the customer service number. I started off explaining to the CS agent that I would be the dumbest customer that she would encounter today. She listened very politely to me...then transferred me where I would tell my Story, one more time.

The next CS agent was very nice and tried to make me feel better but you just know, you would be the fodder around their dinner table that night and I could live with that, I would have done the same thing.

There is another card on the way and this time, I will pay better attention. Hyperspeed is my default, not sure I see value in putting in the time it would take to see if it is possible to change. It has gotten me into trouble, I will admit but it has also been a wonderful thing. There is an invisible cape and goggles that complete the outfit and we have grown strong, over the years.

Ah, I forgot to tell you that they are asking for the last four numbers of the card and because I intensely dislike ( boarding on hate) puzzles and due to my artistic flair, had a horrible time trying to put this card back together. I was so proud when I could recite those four numbers - almost like I had won the lottery...

RIP Tim Russert...

I don't remember when I became a little curious about politics but I do remember who it was that stirred that little fire and it was Tim Russert. He had an infectious smile and made me think maybe, just maybe, I was wrong about thinking that one had to sell their soul to the devil to get to be president of the United States of America. Maybe.

I feel like I have been part of a Big Family this weekend as first the news came that Tim has collapsed and died Friday afternoon and then the Love... and there is no other word to describe it...that people from every way of life have lavished on Tim and his family. He had flown back from Italy after a celebatory trip with his wife Maureen and son Luke. Luke had just graduated from Boston College and Tim was so proud and looking forward to so much more.

This is a guy who was loved and knew how to love. He loved kids and when asking someone how they were doing, he always asked about their families. He was a Story teller and the Stories that have been told in the last few days need to be bound and made into a book.

Tim so dearly loved his hometown of Buffalo, New York. He sponsored a kids team and they went clear to state. They came home in a blinding snowstorm and because Tim was in town, visiting his dad for the weekend, he met them down at that bus station, in that terrible weather, to congratulate them. So many Stories and in each of them a glimpse into a man's love of faith, family and fellow man. His son Luke told Matt Lauer this morning, There's not a day that goes by that I have not known my father's love...

Luke says that his dad's Meet The Press chair now belongs to him and he will keep it forever. It's my chair now. He has come a long way. Sunday, I saw a clip of Tim talking about his famous white board and how the night after, Luke gave him a call and asked if he could have it. Tim was so touched that his son would want something seemingly so insignificant but laughed out loud when he found out that Luke saw the financial potential of the whiteboard on Ebay.

Bruce Springsteen said that Tim was a lovely presence.. Tom Brokaw and Matt Lauer have broken down in tears. The emotions have been running high at MSNBC. This photo was taken yesterday after the MTP tribute show. There can be more greater tribute to one, who had loved deep and was loved deep. Pal, Go get em ...

wet and wild 2008...

What a difference a year makes! Last year Gage was afraid of the water and stood back 50 ft with his mom and little sister. This year, he couldn't get enough. When our water supply ran out, he was visibly bummed. Of course when They have the fire power of an endless supply of water with huge hoses, we don't stand much of a change but you sure couldn't tell that by the hundreds of kids who showed up with water pistols, ready to take on the numerous water trucks that were coming our way.

The Wet and Wild parade comes at the end of the Real parade. While everyone is dutifully appreciative of all the entrants, they are there for the WW part of the parade. You get plenty of warning - mommies need to get little kids out of the way and then there is still no guarantee that you won't get wet. They all have these massive hoses that spray deep into the crowd. It is like watching all these little David's fighting the Big Goliath. It is great fun to be a part of. Might be the closest thing to childhood summer fun that some of us can remember.

I still can't believe how Gage went from hiding in the bushes to full, blown out - joining in the fight. He went to being a David in an instant. It gives me hope for the rest of us. So technically, in theory - any of us could become a David in some area of our lives, in an instant. We could be totally unaware...until we show up. No matter how old we are, there will always be Goliaths' in our lives to slay and now I know, that I may just have more in me than I think. Understanding that puts a smile on my face and hope in my heart. For now, these photos will remind me again and again of this fine day. What else could anyone ask for?

sorry...

Randy Pausch is a 47 year old college professor, writer, husband and dad.

He also has terminal pancreatic cancer. You might have seen his Last Lecture speech on YouTube or read his book about going for your childhood dreams. He has taken his disease on this Road Trip, trying to leave a legacy for his three small children who are going to lose their dad very soon.

He is a matter of fact kind of guy. Not terribly charismatic - but with terminal cancer, lets face it, the cancer is pretty much the Star.

The one thing that really struck me about his speech was his three-stage description of an apology. I never thought of an apology has having more than one step. It is tough enough these days for most people to even utter the words, I'm sorry. Some people never learn the fine skill of the apology. It is a shame, there is the potential for so much healing if it was used more.

Professor Pausch's, The Apology.

1. I'm sorry.
2. It was my fault.
3. What can I do to make it right?

Lots of us do the first and stop right there. Sometimes, even if we say we are sorry, it doesn't quite ring sincere. Those forced TELLYOURBROTHERYOUARESORRYRIGHTNOW! times don't inspire much enthusiasm on either side.

It is a Big Thing disguised as a little thing. It might change a relationship - a marriage or a friendship. It may, make a new friend. We don't all have the luxury of knowing our days are numbered. I don't mean to sound crass but there are lots of people who wished they could have said goodbye to someone they loved. Randy Pausch is being able to leave a legacy for his kids, on his terms and we...have been forunate enough to share with them, Thank you Pausch family...

aunt Theresa...

did you realize that it was 35 years and a few hours ago today that you and I were laying on our backs, looking up to the sky and whining about how we had eaten too much. We were at Grandma and Growlers for dinner. I don't remember the meal that she made but certainly do remember the cake. Oh that cake.

Chocolate cake with Mountain Blackberry frosting draped in a melted Hershey bar. You and I have searched for the recipe for years and with little success. I wished I had of thought to ask Aunt Jackie if she knew how that woman made that frosting. I remember thinking, Eat as much as you want - that baby is not due until the Fourth of July. There will be plenty of time to restrain myself, later.

Well, most of that was wrong. I went into labor early the following morning. To this day I still say, it was the meal that made that baby want to be born 3 weeks early. We had the You are having triplets scare but went home with our little bundle of joy. Everyone was very excited. We named her Brandi Theresa, after you instead of Sunshine Theresa. I remember it was close but her daddy liked Brandi and Grandma did not. Shouldn't name a child after liquor, she said. We did it anyway. She learned to get over it. I remember her and Growler coming to see her at Robert and Annie's and watching Growler paying real attention to her. I don't remember him ever caring about kids but old age may have brought him some soften along with the Jesus thing.

She has grow up to be a wonderful girl and now has her hands full. You would enjoy her quick Daniels wit and that sarcastic way about her. She is a chip off the old block and I couldn't be prouder. Yes, Stevie has had his hands full thru the years with both of us but truly, he is a lucky man. Chad and the kids love her to death. She is a lucky woman.

So even though you are in Connecticut and we are here, you get to keep up where we all are. The cool thing is you were here for the beginning and know how it all started. Our little girl is all grown up and living the life we both remember. She requested Mixed Berry Cheesecake for dinner and that is what she will have but I hope Someday we find that frosting recipe and I can let her taste it for herself.

Happy Birthday Brandi Theresa Dille Smith...I so love you to infinity and beyond, love your madre...

precious...

Precious (presh'es)
1. of high price or great value.
2. highly esteemed for nonmaterial quality.
3. dear, beloved.

I would dare say and admit that I have used this word incorrectly on more than one occasion. I would also say that I have used it in a reckless manner. I don't think it is a huge Big deal but like most things if I am not paying attention, it doesn't tend to make its own correction.

All I am going to do is watch how I use the word so when I do use it, it means Something. Might even expand my use of other words that I may be using in a reckless manner. There is enough of my life that is lived recklessly, my words - I do have control over.

Something like boundaries. The bounderies we have with each other. Where you stop and I start. I have lived with bad boundaries for many years of my life. Whether words or people, using the wrong skills equals wrong results. To love is not wrong, to love too much...is. Just as is the use of the wrong words used at the wrong times. Not only will your point not make sense but could have disasterous results.

After all that, I can say with complete certainly that Miss D is totally and completely precious...especially in His Sight.

not summer yet...

Gage and I had this conversation the other day. After trying to explain the calendar thing to him, he looks at me with complete shock and utter despair that he would have to explain it to me. He said, Look outside...it is warm...it is summer. He almost had me convinced.

When my good sense came back to me, I check the calendar and we still have 12 days until summer but I got to tell you, the warm weather, the kids riding their bikes around the neighborhood and The Beach Boys singing in the background - made me long for the summers of my imagination.

Those summers you read about it books and see in movies, where families go to a beach house for a month, spending their days and nights doing what everyone should be doing in the summer - next to nothing. Summer should be a season of perpetual nothingness.

We Americans live in a world where we barely notice the change of seasons. Classes, clubs and groups are starting to continue meeting all thru the summer. No break - no rest - no fun. We have lost our summer innocence and we need to reclaim it.

Gage is right, the calendar should not be our point of reference for summer or a few other things. It also reminds me to be more spontaneous which it a bit tough for me. Being spontaneous is reminiscent of being a kid and fighting for moments of life sobriety. Not summer yet, maybe not but in my heart, we have already arrived...

crying wolf...

My engine light and I have been going round and round for a few weeks now. It is not our first time, butting heads. It let me know very soon after we got together that it did not do Albertson's gas and would light up every time I fueled up. To make sure I was understanding correctly, we did the Alberston's Dance 4 times - I am now, convinced.

The last couple weeks, it started again and this time I was pretty sure, it wasn't fuel-related. After several fill ups, the light was still staying on so I bit the bullet and took it in to get plugged into the Big Car Machine and the diagnosis was, it was still a fuel issue. The Car Man reset the engine light and we have been doing fine since then. The thing is the next time the light cries wolf, I will assume that it is none issue and ignore it and perhaps, it may be the Real Thing.

I tend to cry wolf more than I should in my everyday life. It is the first moment of panic that sets me off running and screaming, The Sky Is Falling - The Sky Is Falling. My internal engine light will come on and stay on, until I get a grip on reality again. It is Something that I will probably always fight. The good news is that help is never far.

If I fell in love with You
Would you promise to be true?
And help me, understand.
Because I've been in love before
and I found that Love was more,
than just holding hands...

I heard this old familiar song a few weeks ago and it has turned into my daily prayer. You just never know where help is going to come from and that crying wolf isn't the end but could be, just the beginning of real understanding...

16 months...

Barack Obama reminded me in his speech the other night that it has been 16 months since he threw his hat into the ring. Who could have seen that either a black man or a white woman would emerge as the sole two Democratic candidates for President of the United States of America - surely not me.

The last 16 months have not been a contest as much as a lifestyle. For those of us who are mildly interested and by that I mean, watching from the comfort of my home - it seems like forever and often, with no end in sight. The historians will tell you that this is longest campaign ever - I will tell you, I am afraid it will set the stage for a 2 years run in 2012. I so hope I am wrong or at least, less interested.

Yesterday, Keaton got the Citizenship of the Year award. It was a surprise and he sure was. We were all there to cheer him on and shower him with lots of citizenship Love. There were many different awards given out during the assembly. Computer and library helpers, some kind of history club kids and perfect attendance awards. The academic awards were last.

If you didn't know the back story, you would not have known that Keaton's teacher choice for the academic awards were anything but what they appeared to be but her criteria for academics had a little different spin. She chose two students in the class who were closer to the bottom than the top of the list. Maybe they had made the most progress during the year, I don't know but what I do know is that Mrs G.
gave these two Something they may never have again and might just change their lives.

Our world is changing - it is becoming more and more obvious. In my world, I would much rather have Keaton win the citizenship award that the academic one. You can teach anyone almost anything but being kind and respectful to all, I am not so sure about. I am trying to learn a bit more about that myself and finding it quite a challenge. I am following the lead of a 8 year old - imagine that.

We live in a country where freedom is the front runner. The politics of our country will follow the calendar and will be over by fall. No more 16 month contest for us. As for truth and kindness, they have no expiration date...Praise God.

Looking back...

This week, the firemen set up their Fill The Boot event right by DD house. Gage has a love-love relationship with all things firemen-related. He proudly showed me the sticker the fireman had given him after his donation and later expressed that he wished he had $1000 to give. Quite generous of him. In clearer thinking times, if given $1000 dollars, he would be headed as quickly as possible to ToysRUs.

The boys and I have been talking about inventions lately. What would they like to invent? How do you invent Something? They are interested in the same type of things I was interested in at their age - except at this very minute, most of theirs are Indiana Jones-related. Sometimes they get inventing something mixed up with wanting something. I know what they mean.

The thoughts that go thru your mind at 5 and 8 are childlike and over the top. They talk about stuff that could never happen. It is also too bad we couldn't stay there longer. Wheh you get Big, you have lost this wonderful ability and getting it back - takes work. Lots of work.

So. if I was going to invent anything now, it would be the ability to Look Back now. How cool would that be? Imagine how our lives would change and I could take all that money from my invention and split it between firemen and ToysRUs...

tug of war...

Yesterday was Fun Day at Keaton's school and we had a blast. Gage jumped in like he was part of the 3rd grade. The tug of war event seemed to be mighty popular and everyone gave it their all. There was a girls against boys war, a girl/boy mix and everyone's favorite - kids against parents. We parents went in a little bit too cocky and got our heinies kicked. One of the dad's who makes his living in sports, was dumbfounded at the strength of these third graders.

I haven't been on the end of a tug of war rope in years but in Real Life, I have been fighting the TOW battle all my life. We all have. In so many areas, not just holding on but actively pulling The Rope, my way. My Way, which when you are an anal, Type A personality - basically is always the Right Way. If it wasn't, we wouldn't be involved. Pulling with all my might in every area of my life. Holding on, giving up nothing. Sometimes I have done it when it has nothing to do with me. And if I am really truthful, I will jump in because I like pulling the rope.

Something I never thought about in TOW is that is a team sport. I have never seen a mono on mono TOW. It is always a group sport. There are also so many areas in our lives where we do the team thing. Pulling as a team until the other side fall flat on their faces. You can see examples of that in our everyday lives. The results are not as same as the game.

Maybe it would be better to actually play the game of tug of war more and do it less in our Real Lives. That might be just the thing. Better go to the store and buy a rope - summer and life are here...

refresh...

There can be no greater way to refresh one's spirit than to have your so-to-be-graduating daughter WANT you to take her senior pictures. There are all kinds of ways to rest and refresh each of us, all applicable at different times.

I have heard people say they wish they had no hours in a day, wish they needed less sleep so they could be more productive. I know exactly why God made us so we would be forced to take daily downtime - because most of us, at one time or another, are not smart enough to do it. What we don't understand is that the more we push it, the less we really get done at a diminished pace with a less than desired result.

When we see that sleep, rest and refreshing oneself's are essential to our everyday, the quality of all we are and do, goes up dramatically. It took me many years to learn that - it is a tough view to get your head around when you are up to your elbows in REAL LIFE with work and family life. Wish I had of learned it sooner.

Other countries have learned what we smart Americans, have not. Whether a daily time of rest or mandatory vacations with pay, we have a long way to go so for now, it is up to us. Whatever works for you, do it everyday. Don't worry about how long or hard you do it, just do it. Refresh yourself daily, it will do you a world of good...

get smart...

As I headed to DD's on Friday - getting ready to turn left, my light is green for 3 to 4 seconds and two cars decide to obviously run the red light from their side. Have a hard time believing that the City, in its infinite wisdom does not have at least a 1 second delay, meaning these two just decided, they were going to go, no matter what.

In my younger years, my driving motto was, if it's green - I'm gone but have mellowed a bit. Let the others who apparently have many life emergencies and very little brain activity, go first. That kind of thinking will save both of our lives.

Speaking of thinking, can you remember anytime in life when you are smarter than when you are a teen? It is that age when you know it all and base all said decisions upon all. They say, that a teenager's brain has not fully developed. Maybe that is why all that wisdom seems like a shame to waste so we have to share with all we know. I come from a family who developmentally, never left their teenage years and those of us born to them - have lived a life of trying to catch up.

We all do dumb things at every stage of life. The trick is to do them at a minimum and not consider it a way of life. There is Something about a teen. They are young, flexible, able to learn and think they can change the world. That is not a bad thing. If they continue on, they will mature and go on to great things. That is what we wish for all of them. If they grow up no further and run every red light in their path, stay clear and try not to get hurt. Don't assume everyone leaves teen hood behind. It is clearly a myth...

for one of us ,,,

Todd Smtih "I Surrender All" from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.

Todd was at Cross Point a few weeks ago and sang an unbelievable, heart felt rendition of “I Surrender All”. Today as Todd and Angie drive to be with Nicole, they find themselves needing to surrender it all once again. from Without Wax.tv...

Maybe this is just for me - maybe it is for you. I just know it is for Someone today... love zalaine.

360 ...

After reading Angie's post about her nephew yesterday, I had to step back and take a few minutes to be quiet. Feeling a little like I had been blindsighted, I gathered myself, and just sat in silence. No prayers, just a time to just be. Later when I composed myself, I went back to the duties of the day and marched ahead.

Later, I was checking in with Matt to see how he and Madeliene were doing and remembered about his stranger withtheline thru it and friend sentence that he uses. So many people have responded to he and Madeleine's Story with packages of gifts and love and he uses the stranger/friend analog which I am utterly captivated by.

Isn't that the way we see people? In the last few weeks, we have been replacing all our appliances and having our air ducts cleaned so I have had a steady supply of delivery and furnace cleaning men coming and going. Maybe because they spent lots of their time being around women, most have been comfortable talking about everything under the sun. We have talked about single dads raising kids, the level pay of utilities and how much better food taste when it is homemade. You can't help but go from stranger - friend in less than 60 seconds.

It is too great of an analog to let it stop there. Where else in my life could this have practical application?

reject - accept
bind - loose
essential - unnecessary
me - you

We each have Something to share with each other. Each of our ways is different. While we may not have experienced the same paths, we most certainly can walk next to each other, listening really, really well or offering a shoulder to cry on. Matt is slowly finding his Way and I can't compare my Way to his but I can learn from him. I already have...

Look around...

This quote hit me up side the head today. It fits me to a T. It takes my passionate thought process and my glass-is-half empty personality and encourages me to look around. Look for what you can't see and go in that direction.

Look around for Something old with new eyes. Look at what is bugging you and see an opportunity to make a change, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Expand my anal thinking and look around for a new way. I can't always be right and everything else can't always be wrong. There is a blend of truth in both of us and it is my job to find it.

Neighbor M has turned into the best neighbor we have ever had. In the true sense of being a neighbor, he is aware that it is not easier to live by him and has given us permission to set him straight. He tried to help us lift a stove into the truck the other night but we already had it. If I couldn't have done it, I would have asked Neighbor to help and he would have, gladly. If you met Neighbor, you would probably not see him as I do - probably would NEVER pick him out as Neighbor Of A Lifetime. It didn't start out that way but in doing a little looking around, it has come to be a fact. That lesson alone, has been worth it all and makes me want to look around and see what else I might be missing. I don't want to miss a thing, I want it all and am willing to keep changing and growing to find it...

PS. Just checked AudreyCaroline's blog to see how Angie was doing and there is unimaginable news. Todd's little nephew Luke, born in March 2008 has followed his cousin to heaven.
I can't describe what I am feeling right now but the post stands. I am looking around as we speak...

too much...

SANDPOINT, Idaho - A Sandpoint man whose family received a house from the "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" television program is putting it up for sale.

Eric Hebert said maintaining the home is too expensive and time-consuming as he raises his late sister's 11-year-old twins, Keely and Tyler.

"It's a little too much for the three of us," he said.

Hebert is worried that community members who helped build his home in November 2006 will think he is selling it to make a profit.

"I'm doing it not to lose money," he said. "I just hope people understand the reality of it."

Hebert is single, works full-time in construction and spends most evenings taking the kids to baseball and soccer practice. He said wants to enjoy his time with his niece and nephew, whose mother, Francine Hebert, died in 2004 of a heart attack at age 37.

Maintaining the 3,600-square-foot home is expensive, he added. Since moving in, Hebert said, his bills have tripled.

Sullivan Homes co-owner Lori Sullivan said she understands Hebert's plight. Sullivan Homes was the primary contractor on the project. A number of other contractors from Bonner County and the Spokane area also helped, along with hundreds of local volunteers.

"It's too bad it's a burden for him," Sullivan said. "We're sad for Eric."

Hebert said he would not trade the "Extreme Makeover" experience for anything. He believes it has changed his life and the children's for the better, citing their opportunity to travel to Washington, D.C., meet many caring people in the community and own the home.

But he said he doubts he will ever again live in such a nice home.

The house and the one-acre property it sits on are listed for sale for $529,000. Hebert also owns another two acres adjacent to the home and has listed that property for $160,000.

Hebert said he loves the home's layout and its private location, but after six months of thinking about what to do, he said he had to be realistic.

The home includes three bedrooms, three and a half baths, a bonus room, an office, and a master bedroom with access to a deck that includes a fireplace and hot tub.

Two large windows in the two-story great room overlook a tree farm. The floors are covered with hardwood and slate.

Hebert worried about how the the kids would react, but said they understand his decision.

Hebert is unsure what he will do once the home sells. He may stay in the area, because he has a lot of friends and some family here. He may also move to Montana.

"One thing at a time," he said.

Hebert moved from Montana to Sandpoint to care for the children when it appeared they would otherwise end up in the foster-care system. He moved them out of a rundown trailer and into a "berm house," described as a daylight basement with a roof. In the "Extreme Makeover" program, the berm house was demolished and replaced in a week with a large, two-story house.

Believe me, I am preaching to the choir here. As much as I have always loved EM, I could not help but think at every episode - why don't you build 3 or 4 smaller houses? Why does it have to be so BIG, to be good?. People who find themselves in these situations don't have the financial equipment to clean up long after the EM crowd is gone. How much is too much? Why do we give/do/think in excess believing we are doing a Good Thing? Does it always have to be Over The Top? Are we upset when people can't/won't/chose not to, play along. Helping can be a little thing or a big thing, it all depends on your view. Eric, may your Journey be long filled with lots of love and your days, overflowing with joy. Good luck in Montana!

Millennials...

Move over Baby Boomers - here come the Millennials...

Over 80 million strong - born between 1980 and 1995, they are here, they are all about themselves and they are not going to change, we are going to have to adapt.And, don't forget the praise.

This generation is all abut me and they are all winners.They were raised by doting parents and their work ethic is friends and fun first, employers - you can take this job and shove it. Having seen how their parents invested themselves, giving all they had to the Job - these guys will have no part of it. They are tech savvy, major multi-taskers, only take yes for an answer, are amazingly clever and their number one priority - they come first. They are praise hounds, all about collecting trophies for anything they do and live in a world where narcissism is not a bad thing. And don't forget the praise.

The theorists blame Mr Rogers, where they learned they were special. 60% of college grads move home and think it is a very good thing. They think it is their right to not grow up before thirty, ie - to be responsible for bills and such hence their creed that no one over thirty is to be trusted. And, don't forget the praise.

If you are an employer, you must hire consultants to train you. You must learn how to motivate this teenage babysitting pool to be productive. They were not prepared for Real Life and must be coached instead of bossed. They expect a confetti parade just for showing up to the job. They are incorrigible. And don't forget the praise.

This is the future. We have taught them well and now, they are teaching us. One of the things they are seeing in the corporate sector is that mommies are becoming involved in their kids professional lives, when things do go so well. We saw this last week at DH job when a 24 year old who was on the job for less than 8 weeks due to excessive tardiness let his mommy write a scathing letter of itiseveryoneelsesfaultbutmyboy to the CEO of the company. He didn't get his job back but there were repercussions that tickled down. And, don't forget the praise.

Millennials - now I can put a name to the faces I have seen. Shaking my head, no realizing that they are here to stay and it will be us who must change. It all makes sense now. Maybe it's not all bad - job first has never yielded a good return. Too many have put work in front of family life. I have got to believe that we can learn something from the M's. I promise to be harsh with you and try to see it from your standpoint. I hope we can be friends and I REALLY promise, not to forget the praise!

You and me...

Within the first 10 seconds of the funeral, I knew I was in trouble. When the worship team that had once been my once-a-week staple started singing, the tears started to flow. Made it through that then we were warned to hold on, strap on our seat belts and prepare for quite a ride.

It was not your typical memorial service and that is what I expected. What I didn't expect was how my emotions took over and refused to let up. I saw people I hadn't seen in years and wanted to stay for the reception afterwards but we needed to get Keaton and get to baseball. It was Reds against Parents night and popa was going to be playing. It was tough to switch from funeral mode to baseball mode so I enjoyed watching my boys play ball and put off thinking about the Big Picture for the day.

In the last few days, I have had a chance to absorb what I have been feeling. I realized that the tears were tears of joy for what had been. It was a wonderful time in my life and I had much vested in that church experience. When you get the warm fuzzies, you usually only see the good stuff and tend to neglect what was not so great. I realized that since that experience, I have protected myself in a way I didn't realize until a few days ago. Even being a part of starting a new church and being wildly successful, in the eyes of church plants - I held back. I never wanted to experience that pain again. It has been said that only christians shoot their own armies and that is so very true. That being said, I have made my share of mistakes and the more days I have behind me, the clearer the plank in my own eye becomes.

When I first walked into the curch that afternoon, I couldn't helpe but think about the Chapman's and how within a few days would find themselves in a sanctuary such as this. I thought about all the people who would help them say goodbye and I thought about their boy. I was so encouraged to read that at one point 2000 people stood and applauded as his brother said, "I haven't always been a good brother," one of the Chapman boys said. "Just like my dad helped Maria, I hope I help my brother. … (God) healed Maria in a way we don't like, but he's going to heal (my brother) in a way we're going to like."

So at the end of the day, all we have is Christ. It is about the two of us. Our everyday life together. Warm fuzzies be dammed - it is personal, it is constant and it is more real than I could ever have imagined. Even with all the fall out from that church experience, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Another notch in the Belt of Life.

Live
Learn
Move On
Come Back
Or Not...

You and me. Life is good. Keep Walking...

a child of God...

If you know anything about Steven Curtis Chapman and his family, you know about Love. Every concert of his that I have ever been too, revolves around his family. His wife and kids are everything to him...

Yesterday, they lost Maria,, their 5 year old daughter. She was run over by their teenage son in the driveway of their home. Something that is impossible to fathom. They have some dark days ahead of them so please remember them in your prayers - their family website will give you an idea of the Love this family shares.

As I was getting ready for the day this morning, they were heavy on my mind. I was also thinking ahead to the funeral I was going to this afternoon. Some might say that Pastor Orv had some good 67 years here but that is not the measure of a child of God. Maria just celebrated her 5th birthday 10 days ago - in our humanness we would all agree, her time should have been longer.

This is my point - even as we have traveled Down This Road with Angie and Audrey Caroline, with Pastor Orv and now Maria, there has to be some kind of celebration on some level that these precious children of God are now with Him. This isn't an either/or situation. You can mourn freely, cry out to God and still, in the deepest depths of who you are, know that being a child of God is the true gift.

I pray for Maria's brother. May he also accept that he is a child of God and forgive himself. A burden for anyone to carry but for a teenager, a tough road to journey through. May his family give him grace and support him through their own grief. May they heal together and be stronger than before.

I will take the Chapman family with me today as I celebrate with the Halley family. We are a part of each other, we grieve together, we pray together and we celebrate together. We are children of the Living God...

Library...

My town wants to build a new one. They have been desperately begging everyone they possibly can to make it happen. Looks like they finally got their way. 1.645 million is what it is going to cost, so far.

I am not anti-library. One of my best memories of childhood is the summer spent reading book after book after book. Nancy Drew, to be more specific. It was a glorious time of being safe and cool. To read about Nancy's adventures with her cousin Beth and her boyfriend whowantednothingbuttoloveher Ned, were like manna to me. It was one of the most memorable times of my life.

That was also almost 50 years ago.
Before computers.
Before instant access right from your home, to any information you could imagine.
Before the internet and Netflix and Costco and you know, Netflix for books, is right around the corner.

Most everyone I know has a computer. Most families have multiples. I only know one family who does not currently have internet access and am pretty sure they would not consider using the library, they are My Space kind of people, young and hip. The library, as we know it now, is a dinosaur - the need that it served, is no longer there. It can't be resurrected - its time is now gone. Let's say, conservatively that 20% of people still use the library and that is a big if, let's build a 20% library.

A 20% library would still be able to have Story Hour for kids - that is the most important function of a library, in my humble opinion. Teach them the love of books and they will go find them. We live in a different world. Sometimes it is difficult to let go but it certainly is time to start making decisions based on reality not emotions. Our library just finished a battle whether 2 sex books should be IN the library. Someone brought a lawsuit about whether The Joy of Gay Sex should be accessible to everyone and the library gave in and put it on the top shelf. Problem solved...except for sneaky Eddie, who is having his own issues, moving a chair where needed for added height.

I need to get on that Netflix thing for books - that could be a winner. I'm sorry Library. Thank you for all the great memories - I hope there is still a Miss Susie or Miss Mary to read Stories to the kids. Give them the love of reading to take with them and you will have done your job proudly. It takes a big library to see The Big Picture - hope you are up for the challenge...

PS. I sent a copy of today's post to Mayor Tom today. I hope it gives him some direction in his own thinking, not for Nampa but for himself because that is all each of us really has.

flexible...

This theme of being flexible has been with me for a few weeks now. I have started to recognize not only its benefits but seeing myself being pulled in that direction. Flexible is not a word that I or anyone who knows me might associate with my bad self. I kind of like the idea that I might flex and not break, be bent completely over and be able to bounce back to my original self.

We are experiencing a week where we are having to be flexible. We are in the middle of a unfair, caught off guard, humbling experience that is hitting us in the emotional and physical wallet. We will survive but we will never be the same. Hoping to not become completely cynical, we have trying to laugh about it, learn what needs to be learned and go about our business. Life is unfair, that is one lesson we are well aware of and in a strange way, gives us peace through this ordeal.

A friend called this morning and told me a Story she heard this weekend at the Beth Moore Ladies getaway. Texas ( could just as easy have been Idaho) A women was having some furniture delivered to her home, apparently she had cleaned, in anticipation of this new furniture so when the delivery men came, she asked them to take off their shoes - they refused, she pulled out a gun and is now in jail.

I get her point. What was so unreasonable about her request. Maybe the gun was only used to encourage them to see it her way. I had to laugh and in the process, I discovered I was filled with joy. I read this morning that joy is internal and happiness is external so inspite of wanting to hurt a few people, I am giddy that joy is so close to my surface. It tells me that my flexable days are in full swing and hopefully, will make a semi-permanent home. In the meantime, I am pulling up my Big Girl panties and encourage DH to do the same (you know what I mean).

Whatever else the Day brings, what an great thing to know that you can ebb and flow to its beat. What else does one really need to know? There is great peace in that thought for me today. That is all I needed to hear...

age...

There is some 83 years that seperate Gigi and Miss M. Gigi has seen things that Miss M could never imagine and visa versa. Gigi had some medical issues almost 6 years ago so while there isn't much conversation that goes on between them, all they really need to do is love on each other, every once in a while.

I remember being 19 and mad. Here I am 56, and still mad - all though generally, it is more passion driven-than that angry feeling of my youth. A wise friend once told me she thinks our true nature comes out the older we get. We have talked about trophy grandparents - those who would rather show you their grandparent resume than tell you about their active involvement. That could be said for almost every area of our lives. Then you have the opposite end, where it is all about the Doing. How do you strike a balance?

Can you strike a balance when you are young? My experience tells me know but I dont' know if that is universally correct. One of the things I look forward to everyday is learning Something. Something that will make the lives of me and everyone around me, better. That would never have been Something I would have considered in my 20's or 30's and would only have been vaguely aware, feeling a gentle stirring in my 40's.

I wish I could ask Gigi about a lot of things. My family is all gone, no one to ask. If I could I would ask her - What life lessons helped you the most? What hurt the most? What would you change, good and bad - if you could do it all over again? Where are the traps? Where are the joys?

While I may not have anyone to get answers for myself, I know the questions that I can pass down. I would imagine that they might wonder about the same things I wonder about. I am convinced that some things can only come with age and with that age, comes the responsibility to share your perspective as honestly as you can. No christmas card theology, just a balance of truth and perception.

So I will take up where Gigi left off. I hope whatever I can answer will be of value to you guys. Ask away - I will tell you as honestly as I can and you will have to decide what to keep and what to throw away. Keep in mind that Someday it will be your turn to share. The true circle of life...

the Times of your lives...

Long after my gkids other grandma forgives us for having a surprise 60th birthday party for her this weekend - she will have this wonderful memory to keep her company. All else (we hope) will fade and this day will be remembered for simply being what it is - a day that celebrated her with girlfriends and grandkids. How could anyone stay mad at those cute little faces?

It gets tougher and tougher to remember most everything, the older you get. It is just a Fact. You can do little things to strenghen your memory but age takes it toll for each of us, eventually.

I went to church this morning. I admit, it has been awhile. I have a church book that I take with me to write and doodle in. For me, church is a wonderful place to be creative. I always start with the month and date, just in case I need that info for later. I opened my book and glanced at the last entry.

Jan something 2008
like less than the 10th

Must have been having a GOOD DAY. Sounds like Crazy Connie was taking over. The next paragraph was about faith being like a trampoline. Faith must be allowed to flex, grow, shrink and stretch. Godd stuff - maybe the day was getting better.

The last journal entry was about Gage and his watercolor painting experience a few days before. Apparently he was more interested in changing the color of the paint water than the paper he was painting on. It says he was trying to change the water by adding paint with his brush, to the water. Side note says, this was about seeing life from a different angle. Not bad preaching for a Sunday.

Today, I knew what the month and date was and recorded that in my church book. I jotted down a few thoughts but nothing profound. Maybe I think better when I am obvious to life around me. See Grandma Sue, you never know where Wonderful may come from, even in the most likely of places...

repetition...

Had my Tomato Bisque soup at the Brick yesterday and couldn't resist snapping a few photos. Every time I go there, I have to get my camera out. There is nothing new but I still feel the Need.

I realize that ER has a repetition feel to it. While it seems random to me - ER, from my perspective, is meant to be a growing experience - learning to be in the Moment, is much to my protests - repetitive in nature. Just today, I realized that it is because much of life is repetitive. It also occurred to me that we are not very good at learning the First Time.

If we were...If we learned the First Time - Every time, what would our lives look like? I imagine it would look pretty much like what The Garden looked like before the The Big Incident. Don't spend much time there because, most of the time, I am convinced I would have made better choices than THOSE involved. Wow, no ego issues there. What were they thinking? Don't go there, God said. What part of Don't go there is so difficult to understand?

Pick Me! Pick Me!... I would absolutely have done what God said.
Really...like you do now?
Why is it that now, I have to learn lessons over and over again?
Why is the First Time not working for me now in everyday Real Life?

It always looks easier from our side of the fence. Hindsight is a wonderful thing until it blurs your view. Do I wish the AE Dream Team had made a better choice? After the last few weeks of Real Life, you bet your backside I do.

So I won't apologize for the repetition of ER on everyday life. I hope it doesn't bother you and that it makes some kind of sense. As for AE, that may be a lifelong forgiveness process. It is getting easier but dang, just to daydream for a minute - how FABulous would that have been?

footballs and bows...

I am most comfortable, living outside of the box. Thinking, doing and growing. Growing up thinking that every one's life was pretty much like mine, I had a warped sense of what the world was really like. Having to unlearn and re-learn has been the theme of most of my life - maybe I am not as unusual from most of you as I think.

That is pretty much how we all go about deciding the everyday things of our lives. With such diverse experiences, no wonder we are attracted to those who have had similiar experiences or have similar outlooks but it doesn't explain why Sometimes, we are attracted to those who we have absolutely nothing in common with. It is the football and bow theory that fits perfectly in the out of the box theory.

Had Miss M not had brothers, would she be drawn to football? As much of a girly-girl as she is, I would bet not. However she does and she wants to play and do it with bows in her hair. I have no idea about football - I like to listen to it as background noise. I do, however, know about bows. If you want to live outside the box, you will be uncomfortable, often and maybe, take you places you could ever imagine going.

Everytime you take a step outside the box, it gets easier. Baby steps - be uncomfortable and be grateful...

choices...

Ever look back on a day and see a theme? The weaving of people, events, sights and sounds that all weave a specific thread. Today was my day.

Started the day with a lively, spirited discussion with one of God's wild childs. She knows she is wild, not sure she would own up to the God part but she is sure on her way, whether she knows it or not. We discussed politics, addiction and religion. People who make bad choices in spite of knowing better. Since this is only the second time we have met, I was thoroughly enjoying myself and didn't want our conversation to end. We could not be more different except for our strong opinions. She was ranting and raving about people making bad choices and she blurts out, You know what the answer is? It God. This is no card carrying God person - I'm not sure she wasn't surprised about her firm answer.

Unphotographable - Later on as DD and I pulled into my subdivision, we noticed the several families playing at the park. There was even a family there who were having a picnic on a blanket at the playground. Why this was bothersome is that their cars were parked right in front of the This Area Has Been Sprayed - Stay Off The Grass Sign. They had to of seen the sign - there was no way they could have missed it. DD and I whipped around and went back to take a picture of the sign with people in the background. We both knew this was one photo, we didn't want to miss. Unfortunately, two city employees beat us to it. They pick up the sign and were talking to the seemingly clueless people.

After having the conversations with Miss S about people making bad choices, I had a few more contestants to add to the list. Why do we, when we have plenty of warning, continue to participate in risky - sometimes downright fatal - paths. Is addiction a choice we actually have control over and we have chosen to address as uncontrollable? That is The Wild Child's theory, even for herself. She may have Something there.

For the rest of my afternoon, the whole choice thing kept running thru my mind. There is a situation running thru my mind now that I am trying to get my head around. It is making me look back and check out the perspective, and forward, to what I believe now. Choices I made years ago that with time, I would not make again.

I love it when a day comes together. Yesterday a friend and I were talking about getting older and being more flexible. With an anal personality, for many years there was no flexibility in my world but with age, I am becoming more and more flexible. That is a great discovery and I gave myself an Atta - Girl. Never too late to love yourself...

scratching my head...

I have scratched my head more than once the last few days, trying to make sense of situations around me that I am aware of. Some new, some old - I am looking for a common thread as I use my imaginary clothes pins to pin them on to an imaginary clothes line, hung above my head and stretching out so far, I can't see the end.

As my grandson said yesterday, I WANT to see the Big Picture. There is Something I am not getting. Whether people issues or natural disasters - most of us, I would imagine - could say the same about the life they are living. Times are hard, people are hurting. No more so than in times past but I didn't live in those times. Reading about them is not the same. Only when you experience it can you get that Big Picture view that will keep you going.

As I look at my clothes line and go down the line, it is amazing how much of life we are surround by. I even put the good stuff up because this life isn't one-sided. As I see all the photos,good and bad - it strengths my resolve. It gives me hope that I can be a better person, if I will just pay attention.

As we played in the backyard yesterday afternoon, Neighbor peeked his head over the fence and asked if his music was too loud as it it most days. DH said, yeh, a little and Neighbor went in and turned it down. I can truly say, as far as neighbors go - he is the best we have ever had. While we are on opposite sides of most everything, he brings a true respect to the table. Another photo to hand up. Who knew???

pastors...

It is not everyday, no less Mother's Day that you get to dedicate your own grandchild. PJ dedicates babies all the time but today was special. His first grandbaby, 12 days old. There were lots of family crowded around the altar, all vowing to help raise baby E to love the Lord. I have no doubt that everyone will pitch in and that PJ will lead the pack.

I have had 3 pastors in my spiritual time - PJ is #3. It averages out to about 12 years per pastor which is pretty darn close to how it has played out. Yesterday I got word that my #2 pastor had passed away on Friday. It was not painless and the family had great expectations that a healing would happen. It did but not the kind they were looking for. Pastors are not exempt from human emotions or are given any special equipment to deal with their own losses. My thoughts have been with the family all weekend - what a difficult Mother's Day for the wife and family left behind.

Pastor #1, like #2 and #3 is still going even after several heart attacks. While someone might not see the similarities between the three, I think there are many. They are all strong men who love their Jesus. They have all shared their faith passionately and have been great examples of living out loud.None of them is perfect - far from it but I can't hold that against them. They will have to answer for their own lives, good and bad - just like you and me. I have no intentions of breaking in Pastor #4. I have been lucky and don't wish to press my luck. Looking forward to watching this little boy teach his granddad a thing or two. Might make for some interesting preaching, Down The Road...

Mother's Day...

If you were not raised by Harriet Nelson or June Cleaver, there may be some less than wonderful Mother's Day that you have experienced. It has taken me many years to get pass most of the negatives that haunt this day for me. Not unlike those who have had moderately fair experiences with their mothers, I have no reference point and have learned as I grew up with first, my girl and then my grandchildren.

This Mother's Day, I will start by taking pictures at Mr E's dedication. The hard part is that the pastor is also the grandfather. First time grandpa too. We have know Mr E's mommy since she was a little girl so I am thinking, there will be a lot of tears. Ok, don't want to start thinking about it now.

Earlier this week I found Matt's blog and it has set the tone this year for the whole Mother's Day thing. Not your typical mother, this will also be his first. Not sure how he and Madeline are choosing to celebrate - they may even forget what day it is and pray for Monday to hurry up. Seven weeks ago, Matt and Liz gave birth to precious little M after a somewhat difficult, pregnancy. The day after Madeline's birth as a nurse and Matt were preparing to wheel Liz to the NICU to see their baby, Liz said she was feeling lightheaded and passed out. She suffered a fatal brain embolism and never regained consciousness. He became a father and a widower in a few short hours. www.mattlogelin.com.

Wherever you find yourself this Mother's Day, enjoy it. There will never be another Mother's Day 2008. Next year's will be different, maybe better - maybe worse. You might find yourself in Matt's shoes. Someplace you never could have imagine or you could find yourself in Mr E's shoes - he will be making some parents and grandparents very proud. Happy Mother's Day to you all...

Explaining Blogger comments...

I needed to do this for the blog that I maintain for Gage's preschool. Parents reported that they couldn't comment so put up a little tutorial - thought I would bring it here.

Under the Choose an Identity column (on the right side of the page, under the actual comment section) and you have given four options. If you have a Google/Blogger account, you can log in under that account name. Same idea for Open ID concerning other blog accounts,(Typepad, etc. for those of you who do not have any blog accounts you will need to choose the Name/URL option. Just type in your name - don't worry about the URL, type your comment and hit the Publish Your Comment button. If you want to remain anonymous, use that option but fair warning - that is the one scary and mean people use. This will work on all Blogger blogs that allow public comments. Hope that helps you and now hopefully, our parents will leave more comments about our school...


Choose an identity

Google/Blogger
OpenID
Name/URL Name
Anonymous

writing...

While many may disagree, there is a writer in each of us. Just as we all breathe and put our pants on one leg at a time, writing is Something we all have in common because we all have Stories to tell.

Ok, so we may not all be Hemingways or Grishams but no one can tell our Stories like we can because we are the ones who have lived through them. Many chose to have ghost writers tell their Story but with a little effort, we can do it ourselves and personally, I would always rather hear a Story firsthand.

Ali Edwards is having a great blog series this week on words and photos.

Overall, what do I want to say?

I want my stories to be real. Real to me means that I leave a part of myself within each story. I want to leave evidence of my existence in the words I chose.
I want some stories to be long and complete. I want other stories to be quick - maybe just a few words to complement a photo that really needs few words to communicate a message.
I want to tell stories that celebrate our everyday life as well as stories that deal with our challenges.
I want to grow as a writer. I know that writing helps me know myself better.
I don't want to be bound by fears of misspellings, grammatical errors, etc. I just want to tell my stories.
I want my stories to show that I was paying attention to my life.

Writing helps us to know ourselves better. I know firsthand how true that is. You don't have to have a public blog to write, there are many different avenues to explore. I was never good at a writing in a journal, hard as I tried. Even the very act of typing out the words relaxes me most days. The information and joy that you will share with your family because you share your words will be invaluale. Not only to read what your perceptions, dreams, expectations are but maybe to see themselves because of you.

It doesn't have to be Something you have to do everyday although it will take some effort of your part. I carry a little notebook but as often as not, I call home and leave myself messages of thoughts I want to remember later. After I leave a message, I also leave myself a little Love. A word of encouragement from a familiar voice - somedays, that is all a girl needs...

connecting...

To connect with another person is a journey that we each take everyday. Part of that journey is easy, like when you meet someone and have instant simpatico. Sometimes we are thrown into situations where we meet people we most certainly would never have crossed paths with..and sometimes, it takes effort to connect. It takes action on our part, maybe more than we are willing to take on.

I try to be very concious when I am out and about about connecting with people. I think it is my Big Picture duty. I am not always successful. My mind is racing a hundred miles a minute in our MustHaveDoNow culture and sometimes, I plain forget.

It is probably the most important thing we do everyday yet it gets the least attention. Since being bit by the photography bug, I see how important it really is. To take time to share a moment, whether friend or stranger, means to stop being in our little worlds and being in theirs for a while. If we really work at it, then we are together in our world. For me, this is huge and gives me an avenue to stretch myself. To grow and be beyond myself. To be available to someone else, even for a short time, is the greatest gift we can give and we can give it over and over and over, again...

adrenaline ...

Most of us have experienced the rush of adrenaline. Those times we have crazy strength or feel a natural high that you can't come down from. For a few seconds, we are super-human. Nothing can touch us. We are Sparticus...

My sister's body doesn't make adrenaline. After her pitituary tumor surgeries and radiation therapy, that is one of the life long side effects she carries with her every day. She has to take medication because we humans need adrenaline. It also protects us from harm by alerting us to danger. Those times when you are called on to do things you could never imagine doing, that is adrenaline.

Now that I can recognize when it is happening, it unmistakeably like riding a big wave. I ride it all the way in - looking around at everything. I can't imagine how that feels to my sister to never experience that feeling. We are all given challenges, I guess if you learn to make do - life is a whole lot easier. Adrenaline junkie, I think not. Now that would be a wave, I could do without...

rule of thirds...

It all makes sense now.
Seems like not so much of a mystery now.
But when Part 3 comes first, it kind of throws you.

I was driving to baseball Saturday morning and the Holy Spirit gave it to me hard and fast. The difficult part was that it was so specific and the fast part, well when you are driving - the less distraction, the better. I didn't really argue the point as much as, Do I have to do this now?. Just as it came - now was the answer. I did what I was told to do and continued on to Keaton's game.

After the team warmed up, the coach called them all in, told them to take a knee and proceeded to give them instruction.

No questions, only instructions - is what he told the sea of red shirt boys. No questions only instruction...HMMM, isn't that just where I had come from? That was Part 2 of this 3 piece puzzle as I would soon find out.

This morning, I went with DD and family to their new church. I see why they like it there. Besides the shorter drive, their 65ish year old pastor is who their old pastor will be in 20 years. A portly grey haired gentleman that you would not give a second glance to in his jeans and orange plaid shirt. As he started to preach from Exodus 17, his words, I soon realized was Part 1 of the puzzle I had been given. He talked about the God, Power and Prayer of Agreement. He talked of being very specific when you are given someone/something to pray for. To pray the same prayer, over and over and to find someone to share this purpose with. The purpose of Matt 18:9 Whatsoever two or three of you agreement upon on earth will be done in heaven.

The pieces instantly fell together. Part 3 HAD to come first. Later, the other 2 parts would validate the puzzle. Never underestimate God's ability to be more specific than you could ever imagine. Even though Part 3 didn't make sense, I knew there was Something going on, my part was to do what I had been told and I was good with never knowing why. To get in on knowing why is like icing on the cake. He makes it look so easy. I am so thankful for this experience. I have learning that precision is doable and maybe the best lesson we could ever learn...

the unexpected...

As mommy was leaving for her class, Miss M and I had finalized our plans for a manicure. It would be her treat to me. Mommy said use a paper plate but, Don't worry - all the colors go on clear...Apparently they did not try the red one.

When mommy got home, I showed her Miss M fine work so I am guessing that the red pplish will disappear soon. On the other hand - excuse the pun, I will be wearing mine proudly. I was offered nail polish remover but I declined. I think there is a good lesson that I don't want to forget.

Not completely unlike the Plan B theory, the unexpected is not something you can plan for in any way but a global way. You can be utterly convinced of Something and be proven wrong, in a heartbeat. However well-intentioned we may be about any given situation, we need to always make room for the unexpected. There are no sure things. Answers, recipes, choices - always need a little wiggle room...Always.

And just maybe, the unexpected isn't always bad. My mails may not be the most beautiful to some but they were painted on with much love by my 3 yearold granddaughter. My flesh and blood. After our beauty treatment, we were playing with her American Girl dolls when her pretend phone rang and she talked to her pretend mommy.

Hi, just hanging out with Nana...

All that and a manicure. Hanging with my girl. I would say I am a pretty lucky nana...heavy on the pretty, at least that is how I feel...