I spent yesterday at the VA hospital at a review meeting for DH father. All the different department heads bring you in and give you an over all picture of how he is doing. Today's meeting was a bit different, twice as long and we mainly talked about his dementia and how fast it is progressing. Last Friday was the first time he didn't recognize me, he thought I was his daughter who lives in Canada - said he got my letter and knew I was coming...
It is not as sad as it sounds. He has lived a long life. If there is sadness, it is that his body is working fine. Looks like he has some hard days ahead of him. They said that dementia is different for each person and he has the paranoid version. They also said he has lost that part of brain function that controls the social part, meaning he no longer gets embarrassed by anything and that for him, this is a good thing.
On the drive home, I couldn't help thinking what it must be like not to see the signs of life anymore. To not be able to comprehend the barricades that warn us of danger ahead, that we need to merge, need to shift, to stay safe. From where I stand, it seems as improbable as it did to him at one time.
I am reminded to pay attention, while I can. When I see the merge signs, I need to take heed. I need to make changes so that I can stay the course. The same coping techniques that work when we are children - don't work as adults. We have to learn a new way, if we don't. we are headed for trouble. As for sick poppa, he will stay the course in a different way, the only way he can and as for me, I will seek everyday and watch for the signs...
