looking back...

If you had the chance to look back, tell yourself some things - what would that conversation look like?

The first thing I would tell Little z is that I am so proud of her. Scarred yet in tack, you have come through the worse and I could not, be more impressed by the way have persevered. You have become the poster child for trying to get to the Truth and dealing with it, head on. No feeling sorry for yourself, but looking to make the best outcome possible - you get up and try, over and over again.

You, my little friend will not only survive but thrive. You will come to be thankful for every little thing ( wait until you see an iPad!). The gifts God has given you will be treated with the up most respect, always thankful for the wonderful people in your life. Your husband, child, son are More than you ever expected. As for Keaton, Gage and Morgan - I already know you will be blown away.You couldn't have come up with them yourself in a million years.

Little Girl, life is going to be an amazing journey. It wouldn't always be easy and Some days, it will feel, familiar in a not good way. Use the same true grit that you have and keep moving. It is all coming, enjoy every minute of it. I love ya, girl...

focused...

It started with the music. To say that if felt sluggish to me, would seem like a complement. I felt like I was on a sinking ship and there was nowhere to go. It took a few minutes but I finally looked around and started thinking about those who were getting it, and prayed for them - as Freddy Mercury was screaming through my brain.

Forty nine minutes later, with We Are The Champions still pounding in my head, it was crystal clear. Things started to click and the pastor's words started to make sense. He was talking about faith and I had not been tracking with him. All of a sudden, he likened faith to marriage. Some days are good and some days aren't. Both are constants that are fluid - focused. For me, today I was in a Freddy Mercury state of mind while the church was in a slower, different place. I started to relax and let the words, take me where I needed to go...

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'cause we are the champions

My day suddenly, got better. Nothing changed... but me. I stopped knocking my head against the wall and it felt better. Imagine that. I left the church building, a different person, no longer wishing for a way out. I learned a valuable lesson, one I am sure will need to be relearned, again and again. I just wasn't paying attention and that, my friends, is worth fighting for...

crazy good...

Don’t commit to an idea, commit to a tangible act you can check off of a list. Donald Miller.

This just struck me as pure genius. Instead of committing to losing 20 pounds, commit to exercise or less carbs - commit to an act not an idea.

How many places could be be invaluable? You have got to admit, we don't have the best track record in more than several areas of our lives. Diets alone have a 95% failure rate - imagine that drugs, smoking, gambling and a lot more less attractive issues, do too. Imagine if we re-thought the way we try to change (insert unwanted behavior here) and because we do what we have always done, the results are the same we have always gotten. Even more important, what if the we committed to the act of loving God, no matter what.

This fits just in line what I have been telling myself about exercise for the last week. Have been taking it day by day, just do today - will worry about tomorrow, well - tomorrow.

Sometimes, crazy good comes ways we never expected. I knew it when Miss M and I spent a few hours on Friday playing Uno, Cake Doodle and Barbie's. Never thought about it as a concept. Now that, is crazy good...

juror 424...

I have waited with you
every night in January
listening for your number.
You almost made it through,
but with 6 days to go,
juror 424 was called up
and off you went.

Don't know what went wrong,
but somehow,you were chosen.
That really surprised me,
one look at you,
and small animals and children
usually run away.

Domestic violence.
You watched a woman, teen girl and 6 year old,
who wanted to protect his family with his karate moves,
testify against husband and father.
My first thought was, what kind of man?
would allow and put his family through this.

For a day and a 1/2, you listened to testimony.
Then deliberations for a few more hours.
a mistrial.
I was very proud of your observations,
while trying to bring common sense into the jury room,
yet it was not to be.
We all come from very different walks of life.
and a jury maybe the one place where votes do count.

I hope there is no retribution,
for that woman, teen and little boy.
They have lived enough life already,
to know that life isn't fair.
I hope, it serves them well.
You did the best you could.
Now come home,Juror 424, your dinner is ready...

back sliding...

Even as an atheist, I knew what back sliding meant. When you get in the church, you learn more and faster about back sliding than you do about Jesus. Now I get it, human default and all but don't let the church define the word, it is a human event not merely religious.

With that said, here is m;y back sliding Story. For over 5 months, I have faithfully while hating ever minute of it, done my 5 day a week exercise. The first Monday in January, out of nowhere one morning, I decided not too. I also decided that again on Friday. Three weeks go by and my deciding follows this slippery slope path. Last Friday, I faced this whole backsliding thing, put it in a mental red balloon and watched it go up into the sky until I could see no more. Thank you, Frazier Crane, you still totally rock.

Had to do a bit of friendly trash talk, and this week, we are back on the straight and narrow. Never one to believe that if you do Something for 21 days, it becomes automatic and second-nature. I have a long, long list of attempts and back sliding to back up my theory.

We are backsliders by nature, that is why there is so many When's not If's in the Word. Our lives are a constant jumble of 2 steps forward and 1 back and not necessarily in that or any other, order. In all areas of our lives, we can never take for granted that we are, for the lack of a better word, cured of what we think we are. There will be successes and some will stick, but that will be because of hard work and the taking of responsiblity knowing it could change in an instant.

Today, I am not looking back at what was nor looking to tomorrow for might be but today. Did my time, exercise done. Today was a good day. New red balloon tomorrow, can't wait...

cheer leading...

We are embarking on our first adventure in the cheer leading world - the one where there are uniforms and pom poms. As I watched Miss M go from cheer to cheer, it reminds me of the cheerleaders we all have already have, in our lives. Some come disguised as parents, and grandparents. Teachers, neighbors and at times, strangers. Yes, they are harder to spot because they dress normal and their cheers don't rhyme. Nevertheless, you can certainly see the similarities in cheerleaders Universal.

A good cheerleader is meant to encourage. A steady stream of unconditional love, with a nice delivery. No condemnation and no accountiablity - that is not the job of a cheerleader. It is more of a way of showing support for a job well done. When there is cheerleading for something not good, it turns into enabling. We each need a balance of cheerleading and truth telling. That is where God comes in. He is the total package. The real deal.

I love it when he pushes me to be more than I ever thought I could be but I also know, he will always, always tell me the Truth. We humans get mixed up a lot of the time. We cheer lead when we should be telling the truth and when we need a cheerleader the most, we fail. Working on doing a better job of telling the difference between the two and loving those around me. This is the cheer I was raised with, explains quite a bit, don't you think?

Rah Rah Ree, kick em in the knee.
Rah Rah Ras, kick em in the other knee

My wish is to come up with a new cheer, am working on it - will get back to you...

No, thank you...

So who could be surprised when Gail Davis, a woman in Orpington, England, picked up the phone, listened to someone offering her a prize, and immediately replied, "Thank you very much; I'm not interested"?

The only problem was that the caller really was someone from Apple and Davis really had won a prize. For her household was, indeed, the one from which the 10 billionth app had been downloaded from Apple's app store.CNet

Yes, yes - she called Apple back and made nice. All is well and Gail is a very happy girl but have you ever been in her shoes? I have. I have my standard, We don't do any business on the phone, and if they persist, I hang up. Most of the time, I am hung up on before I can do any hanging up of my own but I imagine that is the mindset of those who make a living calling us at dinnertime.

I have done the same thing with the mail. Got a letter once that looked like one of those millions of bank credit cards approval letters but it was a Visa rebate that I had been expected. I had to call the company, tell them what I did and ask for a second chance and they obliged.

We are all skeptical. Some of us, more than others. I would have reacted exactly like Gail did and I had been trying to win the Apple 10 Billion App download too. Like Gail, it never would have dawned on me, that I might win it.

If we aren't open to joy, it won't come our way.
If we aren't open to love, it won't come our way.
If we aren't open to all that is available to us, it won't come our way because we won't recognize it.

Good lesson for all of us. Let's all take a back seat to, No, thank you and use it sparingly...

the power of Story...

You have probably seen either or both of these photos in the last couple of weeks. They have resonated with me on many different levels.

First on all, they tell the Story we are all wondering about. Our lives have gone back to normal. Proper care and concern have been shown and quite frankly, we have moved on. They are just starting to learn a new normal, a normal that will affect them forever. In spite of all of it, they have shared their Story with us through updates and wonderful photos. We don't need to see her face to tell that she is loved and doing pretty darn good for someone who could just have easily been taken away from her family and loved ones.

They have shared the beauty of being able to go outside on a sunny January day. What an intimate detail to share, more intimate than any face photo could ever be. We know that the congresswoman is being loved by the sense of touch when everything else may be confusing. You might forget many things after being shot in the head but can't imagine that having someone hold your hand might be one of them. These photos are powerful witnesses to telling A Story in the most important of ways.

May we be sensitive to each other and show as much love, as we have seen here. Thank you Mark Kelly for sharing your wife with us with grace and beauty. We are all rooting for both of you, may we Someday soon, see both of your smiling faces complete with all the love you have shared with us but, most importantly - with each other...

dream on...

For good mental health, there has to be a balance and deep appreciation of knowing one's strengths and weaknesses. Not sure the line is so fine between I am the Best and I am the worst. After 2 hours of watching American Idol, it becomes painfully apparent that some of us need some work.

I favor the realistic and beyond side and I need to dream more. Many years of living with people who only dreamed, soured me and I am just getting around to reversing the trend. When you are a kid, it is hard not to throw out the baby with the bathwater and wash your hands of anything dream-like. Will probably never be able to teach classes on dreaming but I am moving to the middle and that may be the most important thing.

Knowing that anything is possible, one can take that in any direction of their choosing. Personal, business or humanity. I couldn't, wouldn't have been able to envision the technology that we now enjoy. Keaton, Gage and Morgan, what can I say?, I never saw them coming. Our culture, the way we communicate, FB and Twitter. Never gave photography an second glance until digital cameras. None of these things would have been possible without a dreamer.

To those of who to whom dreaming is second nature, thank you. The rest of us are coming along nicely. Don't get too big headed though, while you were dreaming, we were paying the bills and cooking dinner. To each of us, dream on...

weather or not...

The weather around here has been a bit confusing the last few days. Yesterday, we were outside with no shoes or coats and spent an hour, just taking it all in. Today was not as nice but a little goes a long way in January. We understand it was a one time thing, and don't expect it again for a few months. That one is easy, it gets more difficult when you step outside of weather and head into Real Life.

Real Life, obviously has more layers than the weather. Weather, straight-forward, Real Life, not so much and when straight-forward fades away, expectations start to come to the surface and many times, it is not pretty. We can lose perspective pretty quickly and the What If's take on a life of their own.

My digi sisters and I have been on a Journey with Vivian Maier and it is absolutely stunning the direction, it has gone. The shift is really away from ourselves and now, directed toward others. Miss A, did a powerful post describing her personal involvement with someone whose photo, she took. If this continues to spread, there is a potential movement that I could see, might change lives. Not sure what it looks like but is seems possible and that is Something I am so looking forward too.

Not sure what the history of the fair-weather friend discription but you would think it wouldn't be such a big deal since we have such small expectations about weather anyhow...or do we? Not sure how we ever get anything right...

mutual heartbeat...

I find myself in a mutual heartbeat with her photos...

This was part of a post I made yesterday in tribute to Miss Vivian. Later on, the comment came back to remind me that mutual heartbeats are not exclusively good and positive. A true heartbeat - beats in each of our bodies, people I would like to include and those I wish, I could forget.

Gage has an obsession with WW2, the German culture and Adolf Hitler. We have had many, many Q&A and I have tried to be as honest as I can. Having a mother who was a German, brought to the US in the middle of the war while her new husband went back to war and was not loved by many, including her in-laws - I am a wealth of information to him. Some things I have kept to myself, things he would never understand now but later, I will tell me what I know.

I can remember my father and grandmother arguing for hours about Hitler. This conversations happened about 10 years after the end of the war and always shared the same ending. My grandmother's voice always claimed that when he first came to power, he was for the people, the common man. Food, shelter - many things which she claimed, changed her and others lives. She would point to the VW and she had a long laundry list of all the good he did. My father, saw a different side. Looking back at what we know now, I would imagine that Oma's view would be no different.

When you think heartbeat, you have to take it all. Well, I would never do that... Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn't. I think we are all more capable of doing things than we think we can. You have to take the good and the bad and face it, straight up.

My post probably should have read that I shared an emotional heartbeat. Sometimes, it is hard to believe that we are all the same in God's eyes. He doesn't pick and choose like we do, He is unconditional. Maybe that is why when asked, Who are your hero's - I go blank. We are each, good and bad, shadow and light and share a mutual heartbeat. Take it to heart and not only will your view of others change, the view of yourself will be altered forever...

ode to Vivian Maier...

2011...we are only 17 days in and it already feels like a different world. Along with all the normal January things - cold, cold, rain and more cold - some creative impressions have been stalking me. With the discovery of Vivian Maier, the photographer whose works has recently been discovered, I have been thrown with permission, into her world. Circling the drain to find exactly where I fit in, I found my new home. In one area of my life, I found what I was looking for.

I don't take that lightly. Whether we perceive it or not, we all think, if we could just find/identify/accept it. I am looking forward to the days, weeks and months to come when more of Miss Vivian's work is literally, developed. There are bins and bins of undeveloped film and two guys who are working diligently to tell her Story.

We are all keepers of our individual Stories but to make a small contribution by helping to preserve the culture of our day, belongs to any one with a camera. You don't need fancy equipment or large amounts of time. Miss Vivian was a nanny and took the city on her day off. Hundred's of rolls of film later, we can get a better idea of times before ours. While the written word is not to be denied, a photo does say 1000 words. Thank you Miss Vivian...

everybody's talking...

These two Stories have been on our collective radar for more than a week now. At different ends of the emotional spectrum, the lives of Ted Williams and Jared Loughner.

In less than a week, these two men have gone from unknown by few to known by all, but few. They have been discovered and uncovered. In less than a week, one went from zero to Time magazine, the other from living on the streets to overnight fame. Tonight, one is sitting in jail, the other in drug rehab.

The point is not why their lives changed overnight but the culture that we know find ourselves in. A culture where any of us, for many, many reasons - could find ourselves in a place, we never could have imagined. Both made choices that put them in the spotlight overnight and, they won't be the last.

No matter what your politics or religion, we each spend 24 hours a day in this world. There is no way to tell, what is coming at us next. All we can do is being aware of the Moments of our lives, each and every day. There will be no turning back of the cultural clock. God grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference Truer words have never been uttered...

BIG...

It started out as a fleeting thought. I knew I should write it down but once again, talked myself into thinking, this time I would remember.


Many hours later and with the proven path of letting my right brain rest, I came back to me late this afternoon. Not a huge thought, just fleeting.

The growth of God becoming bigger, might have coincided with the Internet. Told you it wasn't a big deal. The more I thought about it, it seemed to match up. Being an introvert and having zero curiosity paired with some bad teaching, had limited my ability to see past my little finger. With the Internet, my world got bigger and all of a sudden, so did my idea of God. Things I feared, were no longer as issue. I began to realize that He is BIGGER than my narrow little thoughts. I also realized he was BIGGER than many other's thoughts too! When your world is small, you hold on tight to beliefs, values and think that God is nothing without your help. As he gets BIGGER in your heart, you start to let some of the petty things you see and hear go, no longer needing to defend them. You understand he can take care of himself and you leave it to him and spend your time doing the things you need to do.

Not saying the Internet is the greatest thing ever but the correlation cannot be denied. If you believe that he can and does use anything he wants, it becomes totally possible, even probable. As your God gets Bigger, you learn to naturally - let go. You put the proverbial suitcase down, and walk away,hands free. In time, you may even see it as the negative it was.

Just barely touching the surface of this BIG thought, it is comforting to see progress. If you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. No one can tread anything for long. There will be time to say Something or choose to not participate and learning to tell the difference is an on-going journey. For now, I am pretty stoked about the change in my thought process. Anything is possible is easy to say but hard to believe but understanding that for all of us it is about when, not if. We each have many whens in our lives. Some little, Some BIG. That doesn't change, anything is possible. Doesn't explain why, just that is is When Time.

Here is an example, I have never bought a lottery ticket because I believed I would never, ever, ever win. I have still have never bought a lottery ticket but this difference now is I fully believe it is possible that I could win. Now that, is BIG...

coffeeshop mentality...

Nothing quite like spending some time at Flying M to gather one's thoughts. For a introvert, you might imagine that is the last place where one would go but the opposite is true. At every visit, you might run into someone you know but a quick hello and goodbye and you are back where you started. The most fun thing is to share the time with someone that involves deep conversation about the meaning of life. It is even better if you come a few minutes early to not only collect your thoughts but to watch your fellow man.

Became aware of the life of Vivian Maier last week. A reclusive nanny (which really is an oxy moron) who on her day off, went into town and collected hundreds of rolls of street photography. There are a couple of young men putting together her Story now, who missed tailing to her by a few days after her death. There is a gallery showing in Chicago, a film and a book. After I read her Story, I wondered if they would ever find pictures of the children she took care of but it seems, that is not to be.

I look around my section of the coffee shop and notice lots of men. I always wonder what they are searching on their laptops. Admittedly, I imagine most of them are up to no good. May not be a fair assessment but this is not a fair world. Lots of college students and the couple next to me, should have taken their conversation, somewhere else. There was no way I could not overhear. He couldn't' get a break with her, no matter what he said,(his words). Imagine it was a New Years break up, best of luck to them, no matter what.

I read several newspapers, reminded me what I no longer take the paper despite my weekly call/flyer trying to woo me back. It feels much like being courted by a Commodore 64, (prehistoric Wii). I even got a call asking if I would take the paper again for the poor carriers and their falling income. I spent 20 minutes reading nothing I hadn't known for a week but everything goes better with Diet Coke, so I was in good company.

My people showed up and it was time to move on. A delightful couple of hours and I headed home, feeling pretty good for a cold, January day. It doesn't take much for me to appreciate what I have and Miss Vivian has inspired me to see my fellow man is new light. Going to follow the rabbit down the Hole...

bookends...

Christina-Taylor Green was almost the same age as my Gage. She had just joined the student counsel at her school. She wanted to know the way government worked. that is why when asked, she accepted an offer to go hear her congresswoman speak at the grocery store on Saturday. She wanted to learn more, so does Gage - maybe it is their age where curosity is perhaps, at its highest.

The details are almost more than one can comprehend. But for Christina, her Story can be told as a short, shelf of books between two bookends. I think all our lives bear the bookends analog. Some of us, obviously, have a long line, maybe multiple book cases filled the the Stories of our lives. Christine's Story starts on 9/11/2001.In the midst of the worst tragedy in American history, Christina came into the world and drew her first breath. In an interview on Sunday, her father said, she came in on a tragedy, and she went out on one. What are the chances that someone, anyone would have that kind of Story to tell? Her legacy is yet to come. Her family left with her bookends.

Many lessons to learn. We can't know how much time we have with each other. Bad things have always happened and always will. Sometime, it will affect us. It will be our turn, that is just the way it is. Our Stories will be bookends for those who love us. May God have mercy on us all...

full disclosure...

Do I post everything that happens in my life?
How does one choose what to tell and what to hold back?
It's all in the way you see things.

My friend, Miss A shared a great Jake Story tonight. It might not have been her most proud Moment but Mr Dille and I shared a tear-filled belly laugh and Jake is my new hero. Guts and glory, all wrapped up in a wonderful little boy!

Every Friday in Mrs Davis 2nd grade class,(the most awesome teacher in the world according to Gage and nana)a student is spotlighted. A complete bulletin board, fill ed with photos and favorites information, a Q&A with the student, adjectives written on the overhead of attributes of said wonderful students and a letter from each child/parents/siblings/nana telling said wonderful kid, what we like/love about them. Unlike the kids who have been doing this every week, this was my first rodeo and it seemed very magical to me. Along with adorable(Gage's description of chosen photos to go on said bulletin board)photos of gage and his family, he included a photobooth strip he had of me and him. I couldn't have felt more honored, what a kid!

Later on, during the Q&A portion of the program, someone asked him what his favorite planet was? I knew the answer before he said it, Uranus, he replied. Of course it is. Proud? Could not have been prouder.

When you know who you are and are able to lay it all out, that is my kind of person. Warts and all, this is who we are. Black and white, dark and light, never picture perfect nor mortality flawed - it is about accepting ourselves, laughing when we can, correcting when we must. Full disclosure is not needed, except to ourselves - to grow and be the best person ever. Thanks Jake and Gage for leading the way...

joy box...

Pay it forward 2011- I promise to send something homemade to the first 5 people who comment on this status. In turn you must post this as your status and make the same promise ｡◕‿◕｡ the rule is it must be homemade and it has to be given sometime in 2011/Miss K

Found this on Facebook last week and loved the idea. Lots of things swirling around in my brain. Different mediums, digital, physical, food - the possibilities are endless. I love just thinking about it.

I think deep down, we all like, maybe even prefer homemade gifts. For about a month before Christmas, every time I saw Gage, he was keenly interested in my bath routine.

Do you like to take baths?
Do you take baths?
Ok, well I have Something for you.

Christmas morning, I opened a beautifully decorated bag filled with a jar of homemade bath salts, made and given by Gage. Neither of us could have been more proud. This gift, I will need to use. Many others, from cards to small, homemade gifts, pieces of paper to papers that have been specially made for me.

I have containers of all kinds under my bed, in the top of my office closet - of things given to me by people, BIG and little. Years ago, a few of us stumbled across the idea of a Joy Box. One of our dear friend's very talented husband's made these gorgeous boxes for each of us where we could put away precious things to be brought out occasionally to remind us, how lucky we really are. I have many Joy boxes now. Wood, paper, hat boxes, trunks - overflowing with reminders of the Love that surround me. It doesn't take too long while cruising through one of these boxes, to feel the Love.

Back to the Pay It Forward 2011, after a few days I am sorry that no one wants to take up my offer. I admit I did think about Miss K's offer for a minutes but in the end, decided it was worth it - to take a chance. Miss K asked for our addresses and soon, I will have something new for my joy box. I can hardly wait, maybe this was only for me, a way to take a chance, risk putting myself out there. I am way ok with that, as I have said many times, everything is not for everybody.

Ah...a great way to bond with Miss January. I have already experienced living and doing the unplugged life this year, not always comfortable but already seeing the necessity of doing so. Baby steps, you are either moving forward or backward, neutral is not an option...for long.

Ipad LOVE...

I have been excited about this since before Christmas! Three of us have had ours for a while. Two others got theirs for Christmas.

Battery's charged, photos loaded as are my 162 apps. How did I get that many? Have dreamed of this taking a photo like this. All this Love packed into one afternoon, what a day!

DH is ready for his own. Will wait for the iPad 2 which is looking like it will have a camera, USB port and FaceTime. Sounds like a good upgrade, must start saving out of my grocery money. More cooking, more saving!

We are all in the same book club so I imagine that way we do book club might look a bit different in 2001. It certainly has changed the was we communicate, buy, and. research. Someone suggested, Extremely Loud and Incredible Close and in no time, a few of us had downloaded the preview to check it out. That my friends, is love - pure and simple.

Can't wait for iPad Love 2. Thinking I am totally into Evernote now. Love that we all took notes on things we wanted to check out later. Our lists are as diverse as we are. Turned Miss D onto Cake Doodle for her grandson and can't wait to see what Miss D does with Lens Flare.

With the first week of 2011 almost behind us, moving on with anticipation...

theatre of the mind...

If Ted Willimas hasn't gone viral yet, he soon will. It is part of the new way we communicate with each other. It explains why most of everyone has heard of Justin Bieber, whether they want to or not. We are now smack dab in a world where anyone, anyone can become a over night success literally, over night.

A town a few doors over from us is trying to stop panhandlers from soliciting on street corners. Over the holidays, the city administrators asked that if you wanted to donate to the homeless, to do it through an organization, like the local food bank or Salvation Army. The local news had even followed a local couple from their residence at a local day motel where the mother stayed with their young child while the dad stood on a street corner trying to get enough money to pay for their room and some food. I don't pretend to know the answers to these complicated matters but I do know, each of us has a Story to tell. A Story that has lead us to where we are, this very day.

Mr Williams is pretty open about his and I imagine that in the next few days he will find at the very least, part time employment, if not full time employment. Someone will say, I will give you a chance. Maybe because they have walked or have almost walked in his shoes or maybe because they just have a theatre kind of mind. Best of luck, Ted - hope you are ready to start over. Looks like it's your turn for that second chance. Run like the wind, Bulleye...

Dear January,

Here we are a few days in and it really hasn't been too bad. I also haven't been outside much. Have to go to the grocery store tomorrow and an iPad party the next day so hopefully, we keep this working relationship going.

I don't remember having an adversarial relationship with you while growing up in California. I do, however, remember hating Sundays. School the next day but mainly Sunday was hair washing night and always, always was a bad time. Apparently, buying hair detangler wasn't an option. It took many years for Sunday not to be a cuss word but now, Sunday and I are quite compatible. No hard feelings on either side and we seem to be sharing a bit of the good stuff. Sunday will never be Friday but she isn't trying to be, and she is a lover not a fighter.

But, back to you Miss January. It would appear that my judgement of you is tied up in weather. The snow, the cold, the dark days. I learned to dislike you the first year I moved here and it is just this year, that I am trying to see beyond what I don't like about you, to seeing the good in you. I am finding more than I believed was ever possible. Not sure where all this good will is coming from but I rather like it.

I might backslide, hear that snow is predicted for the weekend. I don't have to tell you that life doesn't go in a straight line. Thanks for sharing some time with me and being such a gracious listener. I know you have heard it all, there is nothing new I can say to you that you haven't heard. Thank you, Miss January, for everything.

52...

One thing I am trying to implement in the 2011 is my 52 project. While the 365 idea is not for me, thinking that there has to be one thing every week that stands out as 52 worthy.

The idea of one.one.one.one or 1/11/11 date is unique and was destined to be the first of the series. Since there was a whole lot of laying around until 6PM that day, the 15 annual Crossroads Spaghetti dinner seemed to fall into place as the first week's entry and of all the photos of the evening, the neatly, lined up pan of rolls with J and J in the background explains the nature of our time together. When they were little, they wanted to sit at the Big People's table and visit but over the years, after they discovered football, this became their default location. 10, more or less, at the table, the rest involved in in small conversations in various areas of the house. Later on, the young ones leave and the rest of us dig into deep conversations. We start by catching up with each other's lives, and then the conversation takes on a life of its own and we are mere pawns. Much like an iPad with many apps, we flow effortlessly from one to another. We trying to include each one in each app, trying to see the Bigger Picture. That is the whole point, as we have grown - so has each of our Big Picture Moments. We are not the same people we were 15 years ago when we started on this adventure together. The kids are all grown up, have families and opinions of their own. Love asking them about technology and how it affects the Church now. The Message hasn't changed in 2000 years but the way it is shared, has. With almost each generation, we have found it necessary to change the delivery of the gospel. As the culture changes, so changes the unchanging Message of the Love of God. Change in the midst of constant, a great comfort to my heart.

We end our evening with laughter and hugs. It is really the only time we get together every year and we are comfortable in that constant. Thanks guys for another great spaghetti meal. Hey, there are rolls left over! That never happens - must be that 71 rolls for 12 people is too many. Never saw that coming...

unplugged...

Ah... here we are. 2011.

We made it through a great Christmas, the fab holiday week between holidays when everyone is still looking back at Christmas or looking ahead to New Years Eve. then there was the first day of 2011.

One. One. One. One. Interesting little number combo. All in all, quite a great way to end the year. Tomorrow life for most of us will go back to normal, back to work and back to school. I will be starting my descent into my least favorite month but that seems to be changing. Have been doing some rethinking about my lack of love for January and will admit that if my location was not a factor, January may rival some of the love I feel for July and August. Great sales in January, good time to stock up on towels and maybe a duvet cover. Even though my personal calendar starts in September, I can be on board with the world and see how January has some validity, even seniority in that arena.

unplugged... I always look for one word to define a beginning year and this one, just showed up. When I think of unplugged, I think of an artist who is taking a softer approach to their music. Wasn't sure how this would translate but it soon became apparent that is had to do with not necessarily becoming a softer me, although that may wind up to be part of the process but rather to unplug from things in my life that are not working, yet persist because I am still attached. That is all I understand for now and look forward to seeing how it plays out.

unplugged adjective
1. Not plugged in
2. Using acoustic instruments, especially in lieu of electric ones. (Wiktionary)

So, I will take my definitions and my comprehension on this New Year's journey and see where it goes. What might being unplugged and non-electric feel like? I can't wait to find out...