the burning house...

If your house was burning, what would you take with you? It's a conflict between what's practical, valuable and sentimental. What you would take reflects your interests, background and priorities. Think of it as an interview condensed into one question.

Name: Zalaine Dille
Age:60
Location: Idaho
Occupation:a simple woman living a simple life
Website: www.everydayrandom.com

List:
4 Memory boxes for my daughter and grandchildren
external HD with all photos
My necklace collection
My digital scrapbooks

This website made me think what would be essential for me to take. AS you read through those who have given their lists, you might scratch your head and go, really? But think about it, as diverse as we all are, the things we cherish are anything but common.

If I had more than a few Moments to gather things, there would be another tier to the List. My iPad, my desktop and my red chair. Things that can all be replaced but why if you don't have to. Make a little pile in the neighbor's yard, forget that you were sleeping in your birthday suit THAT night and just get as much as you can. What would your list included?....

perfect...

Miss B is part of our extended family.
She is 8 years old.
She has been diagnosed with aplastic anema.

We are praying. For her, her parents, her brother. This is not how life is suppose to be. Children are suppose to be able to run and jump and play, not isolated in a hospital unable to have visitors and to feel awful and scream when anyone with a needle comes close.

We always feel so bad when we hear of someone's child being extremely ill. We also all say the same words to ourselves that we are not proud of, Thank God it isn't my child.

But sometime, it may be you and yours. Then the prayers take on a different meaning, a different urgency. We want to go back to the way things were, before. w ewe do get to sleep at night, we want it to all go away but when we open our eyes, there is it staring us down.

Normal takes on a whole new meaning. Everyone's world goes on, ours spins on a new axel. We are headed in a direction, we didn't ask for and didn't see coming.

Many prayers have gone up for this precious child. Those of desperate parents, of anxious grandparents, of loving family and friends. Some pray for a touch of instant cure, some for strength for parents who have spent countless hours in a hospital and some, to be thankful for the healthy families they have.

I think it is true that God doesn't give you everything you need, until you need it. This very Moment, I pray that Miss B gets everything that God has for her. I pray that her parents feel him hovering over them as they keep watch and I pray that for the rest of us, as we breathe in everything he is...

PSA...

This is a PSA for the experience of a colonoscopy.

Views expressed are strictly those of my experience, Your experience may differ from mine.

That being said, I never would have gotten a colonscopy, just because I should. Never have been fond of anything, just because I should. I am anti-everything, medical. Scared of needles, you name it, I don't like it.

I fought this for many years. The company DH husband worked for sent monthly reminders to go get one. What they didn't tell you was, they were not going to pay for it.

This time, I couldn't get around, tried as I may. Heard that the prep was the worst. That they made you drink gallons of slightly, thick liquid that might make you vomit and if it did, you would have to do it all over again. And, if you lived through the prep, which was highly unlikely, The procedure was painful.

Here is what I experienced. A 32 oz bottle of Gaterade with a bottle of Miralax which is complelely grit- free and tastless, one day and another, the next day. I can throw back a Route 44 Diet Coke without a second thought. The Prep on both days was a piece of cake.

Yes, what comes next is at best, a bit confining but it too, passes.

The day of the procedure, I was given a gown that covered everything and a warm blanket. Soon, my lovely nurse said she was giving me my happy juice...and then I remember waking up with DH by my side.

All those years of worry and fear, for nothing. The polyp can back benign and will have a followup in a couple of weeks. Found Diverticultis, which may have been giving me fits and will have to adjust my diet accordingly which means no more Route 44 Diet Cokes.

So here's the deal, we spend our lives worried about all sorts of things that never happen. Is there a better way? I hope so. I really, hope so...

young at heart...

As we get older, the things that make us laugh, are the same thing that made us laugh when we were 20. Humor is most certainly subjective. DH and I don't share the same humor, mostly. Last night, the back seat of the can which included him and two grandchildren, were crazy with laughter. They all had tears running down their faces and could not get the Story out that had put them in this laugh coma. It didn't extend to the middle and front seats and we were having a hard time understanding what was going on because none of them could stop long enough to tell us.

By this time, the Story almost didn't matter. The laughter that caught on in the middle and front seats was directly in response to theirs. When they finally got the Story out, it wasn't as funny to us as it was to them. They did collect themselves, eventually but those who were not part of the backseat, never caught up.

And, that is ok. It was almost like trying to share a private Moment that wasn't meant to include you. Must admit watching these two generations, in such sync, was aweseome. To be in that Moment was a wonderful Place to dwell for those Moments. The rest of us, even if we didn't get it, will never forget...

10...

Here's to being 10.
Here's to wanting to spend the day at the Mall.
Here's to a family dinner at Rockies where you were the star of the show.

but more than that...

Here's to your big heart.
Here's to doing the right thing when it isn't always easy.
Here's to grabbing your wallet to share.
Here's to making all of us, so proud
Here's to you, who makes us laugh.
Here's to the boy who askes all the questions.

Here's to you, Gage. We love you to infinity and beyond...love nana

7 days a week...

What do I do 7 days a week? Religiously, yet not religious. What in my life is important enough for me to do it, every day?

It is a great question and I imagine that for each of us, there would be more differences than similarities.

My short list would include my family, my faith and my gratitude. There is a part of me that insist that most things should not be done 7 days a weeks. I am anti 365, whether it comes to taking photos or exercise or even, ice cream or most anything else. IMHO, those types of external events need to be put in perspective and perspective to me, doesn't include them being done every day.

The everyday is sacred. Ask anyone who has lost someone in an instant. We only have the here and now. Sometimes we get distracted and think we more. More of this and more of that. Maybe what we really need more of, is less. Maybe we need to refocus our everyday. I am talking to myself here, and not sure where this is headed for me but I am most certainly, open...

411 vs 911...

Do you know the differences between 411 and 911 in your life?

Maybe it sounds silly but if you get these two mixed up, how does it affect your life?

I can tell you how if affects mine, it messes with mental well-being. It makes things seem important that aren't. It belittles the true tragedies of life. It gets me all mixed up and when I get mixed up and make choices with that mind set, they get mixed up too.

I walked myself through a stressful time last week, asking myself with each step, Is this a 411 or a 911? As I took each step, I realized that they were all 411 steps. I would have not seen that because when I looked at it as a whole, there appeared to be some very 911 Moments. Funny, how if you pace it out, the clearer it becomes.

Moments to learn and Moments to panic, seems like a 411 Moment to me. Think I will save the 911 for later...

faith over fear...

It occured to me this week that not like a fraction, faith has to be over fear.

When I look back on my life and it was fear over faith, it was utter chaos. Not just a sense of being a bit off but a sense that was riddled with being over thought, and downright dangerous.

Fear makes you throw out everything you know to be true and head like Alice, Down the rabbit hole. No more making sense, the journey takes one down a whole new, not so good path. There is a Time and place for fear, good fear but letting it lead, is never, ever the answer.

Faith isn't sticking your head in the sand. Faith tells you that no matter what, you are loved. No matter the outcome, someone was there. Faith reminds you there is more than one way to be healed. Faith says, look at it from this angle.

Never one to be good at fractions, I see a mental picture of faith on top and fear on the bottom. There are 365 mentions of Do Not Fear in the bible. Sometimes that is easy to remember, sometimes not. That is where living straight up with faith comes in. If you are upside down, if fear is driving - make a change. Do youself a favor and make that change...

food for thought...

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.

It's time to wipe the slate clean.

I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.

In the midst of winter, I found there was witin me, an invincible summer.

Here's to the kids who memorize lyrics faster than vocabulary words.

Never lose your sense of wonder.

Fall seven time, stand up eight.

Take it day by day.

You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you, suddenly thrill you.

Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.

Sometimes, we just have to let things go.

We are crooked souls, trying to stay up straight.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

Breathe deeply and appreciate the Moment.

Let it go...

clothes...

Here we are again, school is starting here is less than 2 weeks. Still time for a little vacation and a week to practice getting up in the morning. The quest for school clothes has been going on for almost a month, not done yet but who wants to try on jeans in 100 degree weather?

I don't remember it being so hot starting school as a kid. Global warming or whatever you want to call it, it seems like the going back to school wardrobe only requires shorts and a tank top, bypassing what Sears and JC Penney would have you believe.

This year, uniforms have been added to the mix for one of the kids. Makes it easier to shop, I guess but isn't part of the fun of going back to school wearing that 1st day, special outfit that makes you feel very girly or very manly. Guess he will have to save that for a different occasion.

In the mornings, the heat is cooling down. No longer 90 degrees at 630am, fall is in the air. The days are still blistering hot and will be for a while, but change is in the air. There may be hope for those long pants yet...

so there...

Either you have been there, or you are experiencing it as a parent.

The attitude, the face that comes behind your back that you may or may not,see. The thing is we adults do the same thing but are way less guarded. At this age, somewhere deep inside, this seems like a cool thing to do and maybe it is, unless you get caught. Is it worth getting in trouble for? I would imagine that his answer would be yes. His Down The Road, is just beginning. Lots of things look like a good idea, even if you gave him a chance at a do-over.

As we mature, we learn what is approperiate and what will get us in trouble. If normal maturity prevails, we learn to curb those feelings and keep it inside. There are plenty of examples where maturity goes wrong and it never happens. Where people don't learn and grow. Their family suffers and your world suffers too. It's ok to disagree, or refuse to go with the standard norm. There is a right way and a wrong way but if you never learn that, for whatever reason, that so there mentality turns toxic.

This boy has the kindest heart I have ever seen. He shares his money, his time and always bows to keep peace but even the best kid has to live through the terrible teens. I can almost see him as an adult. This picture and a few more, will remind him of his wild and crazy days and I venture to guess, it will not be his shining Moment. That he will shrug it off and glad he has come through to the other side. We all have So There Moments and hopefully, they are fleeting no matter what Season of life, they come...

you and me...

The older I get, the more I understand that sharing with each other, is a delicate balance.

Oversharing as well as no sharing are not where we want to find ourselves. Both are telling, both show a lack of balance. TMI, too much information can wear a person out. Never sharing and holding on to everything by yourself, is equally damning.

I have been guilty of dipping a toe in each camp. The details don't maater but over the years, I swing wildly between the two and have not had as much balance as I wish I could confess to.

Do we know when we are out of balance?
Do we know when to share and when to shut up?
Is it possible to live in balance when it comes to sharing?

All I can tell you is that a few weeks ago, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was to share Something with someone. I had no intention of doing so but when the small, quiet voice is made loud, I knew it was the thing to do.

I also know when I have gone to far in the other direction. We need to share our joys, hurts and understand that people are not our personal problem-solvers. They are sharers of the Journey. They may have advice to offer and they may not. We don't share equally with everyone. Personal issues are held tight by those closest to us. Those who we have shared and have history with. I imagine we all have Stories about sharing going horribly wrong, where we imagine we will never share again. It is part of Life, accept it. This side of heaven, that is what this Journey looks like, is like.

We get a chance to do better every day.
We also know about 2 steps forward, and 3 back.
Do better than the day before...

you...

Sometimes, it is all about you.It may not come in the shape or form of your choice. Sometimes, you have no choice. It may not be pretty or flashy. It will be not of your own choosing but it will most definitely, be about you.

No answers and still lots of questions. Hope to get down to the heart of the problem soon. Until then, it is wait and hold on to what you know. That...

today is a gift.
no one is promised anything.
plan but be ready to be, derailed.

And in everything, give thanks. No matter what, you take your faith with you. You wear it like a blanket and let it comfort you. This isn't about whether you believe or not, it is about making the decision and standing by it, no matter what. I lived 26 years trying to do it all on my own, didn't work so well. Faith seems to fit me, just fine...

the male species...

Women are nowhere near prepared to know what men are thinking at any given time. Or doing. The way they react with each other, is no help. They stand together and can look at the sky, forever.

Every day, I appreciate the male species even more. Even if, I don't have a clue. It is even fun to watch them interact. Let them go and stand back and watch. They certainly don't act like women. They are slow and methodic. They bulid up to a pace, we women just dive in. That is why when we ask them what they talked about with So and So, they don't know. It isn't that they don't want to tell us, they may never have got there.

All of our friends are 10 years young so it makes DH, the old man. Not to be bothered by that, he keeps up with the best of him. A semi pro visitor, he can and does talk to anyone. He once talked to a street vendor for an hour, we thought it was a long lost friend...he had never met him, complete stranger.

I love my friend's husbands. One saved me the other night when I got a bit light headed. He found me a seat and went and got Stevie. Think I got a bit overhearted but the kindness shown to me couldn't have been more appreciated. Men, got to love them...

happy groom...

Without exception, everytime you get that photo that makes you smile, involutarily - it is pure giddyness.

A wedding comes with so many emotions. All the time, money, attention to detail, comes to an end. It is Crunch Time. Ready or not, here we go. With the ceremony first, everything you have worried about and practiced for, is over. There may be a few gliches but really, it just adds to the charm. As you participate by witnessing a new union, you are reminded of your own wedding. You remember standing in their shoes, hopes and dreams, firmly held in your hands. You are your most idealistic time of your life. Never will you think the Impossible isn't totally doable than this time of your life. It is a wonderful Place to be, for a while.

Then comes food, speeches and then the first dance. Then the dance with parents. Then the party really begins. Now it is time to get down and get funky. To celebrate what the day is really about. Can't imagine doing it any other way...

Criminal Minds, no more...

I use to watch those Nancy Grace shows. Not proud of it but, it's true.

There is never anything good, redeeming or uplifting. It is always the Worst crime of the day and all the terrible stuff that goes with it. That all goes into your mind for use, Down The Road. The news is scary, no doubt and I have never been one to sugarcoat our culture, always looking it straight in the face.

The theatre shooting in Colorado spooked me. Haven't been to a movie in long time and not sure when I will. Not even sure I want to rent the movie when it comes out on video. Just not sure.

My crime program of choice has always been Criminal Minds. DH likes NCIS and there is always the Mother of all Crime shows, Law and Order. I loved the way CM would take a horrific Story and the killer is always caught by the end of the show. I haven't watched a single episode since that Thursday night. I just can't go there, ever again.

I need to focus on cute boots.
I need to see the good that is around us.
I need to refocus

Dog days...

Not sure of the official start of the dog days of summer, but with the Back To School yearly push in full bloom, it is on the horizon.

There are still plenty of sno cone days left and we will take advantage of every one we can. Birthday Cake and coconut, who knew?

Having one eye on the 2012-2013 season, new teachers and a few other new things. It is all good, hopefully even better than good. Time will tell. As everyone moves up to the next grade, there is a Sense of a new thing. Teachers, expectations, and new ways.

Have always said, that the school year is my real, New Year. Fall renews me. Still buy new underwear every year at this time. It is a part of my DNA. Just bought a planner that starts on August 1. You guys can have Jan 1, as the start of your new year. It is usually cold and snowy, I like my fall NY, so much better. It is a beautiful time of the year that reminds me, of being renewed and that while winter is coming, it is not here yet. It is the Time of year where color abounds. The harvest is ready. The weather is still warm, the days long enough and most everything is right with the world.

But until then, the sno cone shack is still open for a few weeks. Still time for lazy days and just hanging out. Enjoy every moment of it...

Have you killed him yet?

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life and elevating them to an art. -William Morris

I have been asked this question more than once the last five weeks. And the answer is no.

There has been Something that I can only explain as a sweetness between us. Whether it is the recognition that this is the last stage of life and we will share it together, from here on, is the only explanation I can come up with. There is a mutual concern for each other that is stronger than the pre-retirement days. We are in this together until we are not. We hope for many years together, to enjoy our family and the life of the Everyday.

Don't get me wrong, we have had a few spats but the fire of those times seems to be gone. We understand that we are better together, then divided. We are learning a whole new way and the facial hair is growing. Our job is to grow too and finish strong. If you are grateful for the everyday, there is more than enough to keep you busy and that, keeps the kill factor - at bay...

young love...

There is nothing quite young Love.

To watch it, takes you back to when you thought you knew everything about Love. It takes many years to distinguish Real Love from Real Lust. When you are young, those two look like identical twins. With some perspective, you start to see they look, nothing alike. They are as diffeent as night and day.

It shouldn't be but Love is quite tricky. We don't seem to see it when it is staring us in the face yet, will jump through all sorts of hoops to grab what we percieve as Love even though it looks nothing like it. Maybe there are too many different kinds of Love for us to fathom. Try to explaining couple love, the love of a woman for her child and the Love of God. Similiar maybe, but hard to sort out when you have questions.

We are a simple people who complicate Love at every opportunity. We are either holding on too tight , or sharing it in ways that just aren't right. We give, hoping we will get back and that never turns out well. Love doesn't have to be big, we miss so much when we think it does. A little, good Love goes a long way and that kind of Love will make us better...

thrifting...

My girl and the gk are masters. I can not believe what they find. Gage is still in his UnderArmour phase. I would not bet much money that one would find UA at Goodwill and I would be wrong.

So, we all go to GW on Saturday and they say, with every confidence imaginable, Nana, lets find you some UA! It went without saying that is had to be black. That is an understood given.

I must admit, I am now into UA. Having texture issues myself, when it is hot outside, cotton is my worst enemy. I cringe at the thought of putting it on and don't tolerate it at all, hence the UA feel is where I am not. Not a snob, will wear other brands that have the same feel and until yesterday, didn't own one piece of UA. That all has changed.

Gage was on the hunt. It didn't take him too long to find the first piece. It wasn't quite right so off he went to look again. It was but a couple of Moments when he found it. Right there, just waiting for us. black, UA and it fit like a glove.

He kept telling me, You have to be patient, Nana, You have to keep looking.
He went on to find a piece for Papa too. And a jersey for himself. I always, always learns so much from them - who knew it would include Goodwill!...

hunger...

It still amazes me that in this day and time, people are hungry.

This year, the little park in my subdivision put this sign out, the begining of June and the part has been full every day at 11am, waiting for lunch. It is also being done at the little park, about 2 miles away that we pass every day to get to the Rec Center.

At 11am, people are already lining up, before the food people are even there. The cars are lined up and down the street and even, down side streets. Five days a week, they know where to come to fill up and get a free meal. It is worth coming early and lining up. I have seen the lines, it is unbelievable.

Some days, it is enough to be thankful that you have a full belly. Other days, you need more, want to do more. Follow that instinct...

back and mind, still full...

Taking time off looks alot like normal life. Always have my little notebook handy, always have Something to I want to remember but the main difference is letting my mind wander. Being a left brained thinker, you would think that wandering wouldn't be my thing and that would make us, both wrong.

Creative time is not only doing but in the not doing. It need idle time. Time to do nothing, like when you are trying really hard to remember Something and it doesn't come until you have let your brain off the hook for a few minutes, then your answer comes, naturally.

Love the feeling when you have a thought and lose it before you get to paper, have done that more than once this week. To all those forgotten thoughts, Come Back, I miss you! To all those that stayed, I thank you. You are warm and fuzzy and bring such joy.

Here are some, in no particular order. May hear more about these in the days to come or they were just meant for a fleeting Moment. Regardless, they are friends, to the end.

Putting the cart before the horse
Doctor Google
Have you killed him yet?
My Rec Center friends
Crinimal Minds, no more
Moving from the driver to passenger seat
Slipping through the cracks
Get what you thought you wanted.

Time off...

Going to take a week of to think about stuff like putting the cart before the horse and other things rattling around in my brain. Blessings and love to each of you...

a dog's life...

What if we acted more like dogs?
Would that be weird?
or might it just be, a good thing?

Dogs are loyal.
Dogs know their place, by their master.
They are content, don't need to be entertained.

They will wake up in a split second.
Ready to go, wherever their owner sees fit.

They don't spend time trying to get your attention, for their master.
They follow, that is what they do.

The master leads, the dog follows...

the green quarter...

First time away from home for more than a sleepover. Church camp.

If you have never been and I have not, have only lived vicariously through my child, seems to be an oxymoron. The books that could be written about what goes on. The near misses that parents never know about. Have been to family camp and that was racy enough for me. Remember one year, when our friend lost it with the teen boys because he was in the cabin right next to theirs - He went in in his underwear and yelled a bit. His teenage daughter was mortified, some things you can't take back.

But that will never happen this week. That was 3o years ago and we are a kinder, more PC culture. I did however hear some Stories about Man Camp a few weeks ago that make we wonder...

We have our standby orders from Momma. We could be heading up to Cascade any time in the next four days. She said something about going incognito, but we would be too easy to spot even with our mustache and glasses disguise. It would never work.

The green quarter. He didn't need snacks or a new journal so got the idea to get a quarter and color it with a neon green marker. When I gave it to him, I told him it was to remind him that Papa and I were thinking of him. Praying that he would have a good time and if a little homesickness came his way, he was not alone.

He hasn't called or texted. That is either a good sign or his phone won't work. I praying that he is just too busy to miss all of us...

metformin...

I have waited for today for many, many years and I didn't even recognize it when it happened. A visit to Google confirmed it but it is still hard to believe.

I had noticed it a few times and it kept getting stronger and stronger. Until 2 weeks ago, the only pill I took was an aspirin a day. For now, that ship has sailed but am working toward the shore, every day.

I couldn't have less of an appetite. In fact, to take the diabetes meds, you have to eat or the nausea is terrible. I had to force myself tonight to eat enough to keep that side effect at bay.

I have never experienced, not being hungry. My bff, Miss Sweettooth is nowhere to be found. It is not an entirely, pleasant experience. I hope in the days to come, I am more appreciative of this new status. Feeling full all day, never ever thought I would see the day. One more reminder, anything is possible.

More and more and more change and you never know where it is coming from...

shoot...

We walk at the same time but rarely see each other. Our rhythms are different. We walk at much different paces. He evens jogs. Add basketball, and he is much more diversive than I am. I am focused on getting around that track, over and over and over again. He likes to mix it up. Different strokes for different folks.

I am so proud of him. None of this comes easy or natural and I imagine it never will but we takes turns saying, It is time to go! With each of us with our favorite music in our ears, it is a great time to catch up on our thoughts, our prayers, our hopes and our dreams. This is a part of who we are right now and the right thing to do is shoot, whenever we can...

and even, more change...

If it is your turn for your Only Child Sleepover, you get to decide and set the pace. Gage had his bags packed for more than a week and finally, we were able to make it happen.

He had already told us that he wanted to go to the Mall, so off we went. He got to spend as much time at Game Stop as he wanted and everywhere else he wanted to go. After dinner, we headed home and XBox 360 ruled the night. Listening to him explain and try to talk Papa into trying a turn at a game is a wonderful thing. The laughter of the the two, Gage as he watches Papa and Papa, when he gets it but more often, when he doesn't.

The biggest change, this time was the boy's sleeping in. We were suppose to be at his house, 40 minutes away at 9am. His eyes didn't see daylight until after 1030AM. He is within spitting distance from 10, the pre teen thing has started to kick in. I knew he would head this direction, but didn't know it was already here.

I just love that he still loves coming to our house. That he would pack his bags and leave them for a week, just waiting. Talk about Love...

something old...

We were told that in the 50's, ladies always carried hankies at a wedding. This was given to the bride by her bff's grandmother who knows a thing or two.

Looking forward to this wedding in a few weeks. Fun venue, lots of different things going on that will make it playful for all. In the spirit of the tone set by the bride and groom, my gift is non-tradional also. Even down to the wrapping, joining in the festivities has been great fun.

What advice would you give the bride?

marriage, make it your own.

What is the hardest part of marriage?

keeping your mouth shut when you should.

What will make a 50 year marriage?

Talk everyday.

Happy Wedding Miss D and N!

juggling...

We all are very busy and at any given Moment. Sometimes, we have too many things up in the air, and are trying desperately not to drop anything and winding up in a big pile, full of emotions.

Learning the ropes of this retirement thing has not been without its challenges. We are both understanding that we still need our seperate times. He is understanding that he can't eat 2000 calories a day like he did when he was working.

Our balls are all up in the air and we are trying not to let any of them, fall on our head but we need to be open to letting some of them go if they aren't right or good for us. That is the fine line we are walking, today...

obsessed...

We are all obsessed with something.

Food, exercise, people, it is part of the nature of the beast. You can't expect to avoid it but you can be aware and try to keep it as balanced as possible. You may or may not be successful but with practice, you can diffuse the situation, a bit over time.

Among my many, many obsessions, is photographing crop dusters. It all started with working in agriculture and right out my huge window, was open fields for as far as the eye could see.

Will now stop whenever I see one of those brave boys. flying. Last night on the way home from spendng the day celebrating Keaton's 13 birthday, here he was. We got to spend a good amount of time and there is no doubt, he saw me. He probably made 10 rounds. The sky was red, with all the wildfires that surround us. It was a beautiful sight and wow, the perfect way to end the day.

Some days are just like that and you know, you are the luckiest girl in the whole world...

being 13...

One of the first things I noticed about 13 is that there is no longer a stack of wrapped presents, just waiting to be opened. When the Birthday List is cash-inclusive, so go the stacks and the wrapping. It is not only the end of an era but the begining of a new one.

Still doesn't seem like we have been grandparents for 13 years. Seems like just yesterday but the hair that is growing on this young man's body, the beginnings of all things, men - is clearly obvious. Never having a brother or a son, being able to watch this season of a boy to man cycle is fascinating. Now I see, how they evolve and how they grow up into the men that you see today.

I also see why his parents keep a tight rein on him. He has manners, and is very polite. Those things don't come naturally to boys or girls, they have to be taught or they don't get learned, and if they don't learn it young, they usually never learn it at all.

Happy Birthday, Keaton! Papa and Nana could not be more proud of you. You are a Rock Star in our world and we love you, to infinity and beyond...

change...

It never gets any easier... Miss Shelli

I read Miss Shelli's words and so agreed even when I had no idea how they would apply to me in just a few days.

With a diagnosis and meds for BP and diabetes, everything changed in an instant and that was the first day of retirement. It became obvious that either I was going to get on board or be in Really Big Trouble. After consulting all the personalities, made the choice to grow up which meant big lifestyle change. Joined the Rec Center and today, on Day 4, walking over 2 miles. Have changed my diet and with a nausea from the meds, have little desire for most anything. My goal is to get off both meds by September, if that is possible and then, keep up the routine.

Time and testing will tell if this is doable but for right now, it is Something. Decided this morning to focus on what I could do and not all the things I had no control over. With no health insurance and pensions not kicking in for a few months, I have enough to worry about but I can't go there. I do have control over getting my exercise done every day and watching what I eat. That is where my focus has to be and there it will stay.

Have always hated exercise. Always done it at home, never thinking my introvert self would ever take my show on the road. We made the decision because of weather and safety. We can go together, anytime of day and enjoy the freedom of being in a climate control, safe place and that is a good thing.

Miss Shelli's words go with me every day. I know there will come a day when I couldn't get the miles done in the morning and my get up and go, got up and went. I will have to remember that somethings just don't get any easier and we do them anyway. That is what grown ups do. Time to grow up...

4th of July...

Let freedom ring and may respect never, ever go out of style...

Will you still need me?

Today is someone's 64th Bday. I ask him if he was going to sing this old Beatle song to me this morning, he didn't think he would. Said he already has been 64 in his mind for a while. He knew that 64 and retirement would be going, hand in hand so the leap was made, with little fan fare which means, no song for me.

As we started our retirement exercise program this morming, we are both trying to learn as much as possible. Him with his unsatisable, 100% curosity and me with my very little 20% sense of curosity.

We walk the greenbelt to the end and wanted to know what road we were on. Nothing looked familiar. We walked to the first street sign but it only gave the cross street. He took a few guesses but I wasn't convinced so we walked clear down to a second sign and found our bearings. This time it was me who kept us going. Curosity drove me to keep going, and figure it out while he followed. Usually, that is not the case.

The song still holds,
Will you still need me? Yes
Will you still feed me? Yes
When I'm 64...

Just, begin...

Begin with the end in mind...Stephen Covey.

The sermon began with, there comes a time in your life when you are looking back more than you are looking forward. Even though there are still memories to make, there will always be a sense of adventure, if we choose to embrace it. You could spend all your time looking back, but what kind of life would that be?

Today truly is the first day of the rest of your lives. Nothing big happening. Mowing the lawn before trash Day which always had to be done by Sunday, some major grocery shopping - trying to figure out how to replace 40 years of sandwiches, yogurt, bananas and pudding. There are adjustments to be made. Glad it is summer. Imagining trying to get yourself acclimated to retirement in the dead of winter, might be a task worthy of others stronger than us. The sun is shining, the fishing is there for the taking and right now, all is right with the world.

What kind of memories do you want to leave? Not sure he knows exactly yet, but I do. I have a 15 year headstart on him and this is mine...

Know that I cared.
Know that I loved.
Know that you are everything to me.

That is my end and that is what drives every single day...

retire...

It was a whirlwind day. Much like a blur, it was there and then it was gone.

The weekend has pretty much been a Time of Reflection. I have given him a week to learn to talk about the job in the past tense. Knowing that men are different than women, I can appreciate the time he needs to process but also know that Sometimes, we all need a kick in the pants to get us going.

Less than a 1/2 hour after we got home, all the uniforms, the lunch pail and the nasty shoes, were gone. When you have a Dirty Job like he did, there is nothing you want to save. Imagine cooking oil on every part of you, soaking in more and more, every day. The Company always complained about his shoes and tracking oil everywhere. Now they have four taking his place, wonder what it will look like now?

Tomorrow will be a new Monday. Monday will not be a dread any more. No messes to clean up from the weekend and all issues that scream for resolution, will be done by someone else. He and I, on the other hand, will be busy looking for our new Normal. Thinking that will keep us busy, enough...

housewife...

One thing I have been very conscious of this week is the end of the traditional housewife role for me. Not that I will not continue to cooking, cleaning and caring but that part where I say, goodbye in the morning and how's your day in the evening.

Understanding that we will have to learn a new dance, I have to say that I love, love being a housewife. Being that housewife for the last 15 years has brought me immeasurable joy. The hum of the dryer, the swish of the dishwasher. Starting to prepare dinner and the essence of 4PM.

4PM. A magical time for me. When the day heads Down The Path and I follow along. Ther is a mental transistion that takes place for me and a short window of reflection that takes me gleefully into, the evening.

I am so greatful for those 15 years. Starting tomorrow, it will look completely different and I will learn to love the rituals. Thank you for the memories, Miss Housewife. I have loved them so...

nourishment...

The kids have had their hands full this year with their little garden spot at their church. Every other day, they pile in the car and head out to check their green domain, turn on the water and check for progress. Monday morning during VBS, they found out that the well wasn't working and that evening when we all went to check and see if it was fixed, it wasn't. The temps have been pretty hot here and this beautiful corn is not going to last long without water. It will wither and die, pure science.

While we were there, we met a man who came prepared. Several 5 gallon buckets of water, he was obviously, taking no chances that the problem had been solved. He had no lids and had obviously lost some precious liquid driving to the garden but at least, he would have a fighting chance of saving his bounty.

People are very much like gardens, very similiar indeed. Without water, we n't make it very long. We all carry water bottles wherever we go. I have been trying to up my daily water intake but found out last night, I need to drink a two liter bottle of water a day. You are kidding me right? Maybe if it is filled with Diet Coke or I have nothing else to do but hang around bathrooms. We may have to work our way up but starting today, there will be an empty 2 liter Diet Dr Pepper bottle, filled with water and we will see what we cn do. I don't want to wither and all that comes with it. Time to water up. Hope the corn has the same result...

car shows...

I am a very non-car show girl married to a very car show guy. He can't help himself, I try to tell myself it is like me with a camera. That helps but looking at engines and shiny surfaces with no chance of a ride, just makes me...sad.

This was the sign by one of the dressed up jalopies. I would venture a guess that this guy did not know as much about his wife as he did this car. As with all things Men, I think we ladies sometimes resent not that they have a hpbby but the amount of emotional energy that they put into said hobby/sport. All we really want is a piece of the action. Maybe that is all they want from us too.

And because of that, I will trot myself around said car shows, take my camera and make the best of it with as little whining as possible. I will tell myself to suggest ice cream after these mini pagents and look forward to said ice cream. It is about give and take and not coming in last. If you can do that for him and he for you, you've got Something to talk about...

Day 5...

Summer is in full swing, according to the calendar. We have already have the longest day of the year. From now on, the days get shorter.

In this neck of the woods, we experience daylight until 10 PM for a few weeks. Nothing could make some of us happier. Wake up to light, and almost go to bed with it. It is the time of year when going to Sonic at 1030PM seems almost, the reasonable thing to do.

At our house, we are entering into new territory. Come Friday, everyone who lives here will be retired. Big retirement party with family and old friends on Friday and then we are off into the Wild Blue Yonder. Like DH says, it still doesn't seem real.

Whatever your summer had brought so far, hoping you can find some Light to bask in. To be warm from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, literally and figurtively. Whether the hum of summer is a familiar one or brings new light, find it and thrive...

big...

Your world is as big as you want it to be...

We could all probably agree that the world is a Big place. Most of us will never see much of it in person but thanks to the internet, we can go about anywhere we want. Whatever our intensity of interest is, one can get a sense of others and their effect in the world.

So the real questins is, how big do you want your world to be? I realize mine is quite small. My curosities of Things Far Away are pretty slim. No urge to travel, to see and experience different cultures. Right or wrong, that is the way I am wired. My world, the want I want and have structered, is one of local. One of the here and now. I am a Keeper of Here.

I imagine and hope, that the One who made me, knew this. While I keep my eyes and mind open, I no longer feel bad about this. If I am to think differently, my mind will be changed like it has about many, many things. Until then, the Keeper of Here is my world and whatever that looks like, I am good with...

follow...

Everybody follows somebody. All of us make decisions every day about what is important, how to treat people, and what to do with our lives. These decisions come from what we believe about every aspect of our existence. And we got our beliefs from somewhere. We have been formed, every one of us, by this complicated mix of people and places and things...We are each taking all of these influences and living our lives according to teachings we have made our own. Some insist that they aren't influenced by any person or any religion, that they think for themselves. And that is an honorable perspective from...somebody. They're following somebody even if they insist it is themselves they are following...Everybody is following somebody. everybody has faith in something and somebody. We are all believers. Rob Bell.

monkey on your back...

Yesterday was a bad day. before the sun was even up, panic had set in.

After 46 years of having health insurance, there were less than 10 days to get a couple of procedures the doctor thought I should have done. With his words in my head, I went ballastic. Pain can cause you to lose your focus, mine was completely gone.

The 2 procedures would do nothing to fix the problem. They would indicate that either, nothing was wrong or I needed surgery. I panicked and thought I needed to get them both done, at any cost. Late into the night, it occurred to me that perhaps that was not the case. By the light of day, I was convinced that spending thousands of dollars was not the answer.

Is it the right decision? Time will tell. Exercise is my friend at the moment and as for the tailbone pain, I hope we part ways soon. I never do well in Panic mode. It isn't the right place to make big choices. It is the time to weep and understand that all you can do is make the best decision with all the information you have, at the time. Time will tell but for right now I am making choices without a monkey on my back and that, if nothing else, feels right...

day 10...

10 days until his retirement. Now he says, it is starting to feel unreal.

The company decided to replace him with four guys. They call them D's Angels. They have turned out, not to be so. In fact, as of this week - it looks like one angel has been permentently removed. That leaves only three. Next month, one of the Angels has National Guard duty for a good chunk of time. That leaves only two. The way the company has set this new system up, it will impossible to do with two.

There is nothing he could do even if he wanted to. His days are numbered and the place that has depended on him for 46 years, will have to learn a new way. No one is indispensable. Whatever the company decides to do, it is their decision.

DH decisions are far and few between these last days. Yesterday he was asked about his favorite color by the retirement decorating person. He wanted to go with black but compromised with dark blue. Those are the kind of things he should be thinking about because in 11 days, all he is left with is me and that is handful enough for any one...

the good and the bad...

How do we think?
How do we learn?
Where is our focus?

Take the elements of good and bad. How do we learn to tell one from the other? It has been my experience that someone, somewhere decided that the way to teach good, was to focus on the bad. Bad, Bad - what does it look like? We study the bad to death, and focus very little on the good. The idea is most certainly, that if we know the bad, inside and out, we will have no problem identifing it when it comes our way but does it work that way?

I understand the the way people are trained to spot counterfeit money is by studying real money so that when the counterfeit is presented, it is so obvious and the detection is made instantly. The focus is on the good, making the bad, stand out like a sore thumb. If you focus on the bad, you never have a real sence of the good and that, it seems to me, would be the real tragedy...

Father's Day...

My girl's family has a little plot of garden on their church's property. Those who wished to get their garden on, dug trenches to get the water to the 14 or so gardens and now, the gardens are starting to thrive.

I don't know much about gardening. Personally, I have a black thumb. Tried again last year with a cactus in a small planter on my front porch and Neighbor Mike's cat, dug it out. I am of the persuasion that maybe some of us are meant to buy what other people, grow. I fully expect to buy corn from the kids in a few months.

The corn and other crops doesn't grow by accident. They have to head to the church and water it, every other day. Without any help, everything would shrivel up and die. No water, no garden. It is true everytime, no matter who you are.

Kids are quite the same, except for the every other day part. They are everyday. They need nourishment, guidance and regular maintenance to keep going. To thrive, they need momma and daddy Miracle Grow. It is not a job for the faint of heart.

You want Something to grow, there is hard work to do. Someday, it will pay off. These little people will grow up knowing they were loved. Happy Father's Day Chad, we heart you so...

vanity...

vain:

1. excessively proud of or concerned about one's own appearance, qualities, achievements, etc.

It occured to me this week that perhaps, one can live in a state of vanity, until the day they die. Have we not all noticed the 70 years woman who without the benefit of Cher or Joan Rivers funding, still dress like they are a teenager. Or the obituaries that feature a photo taken 50 years ago.

We now live in a youth-driven culture. I know several people who not in the 20's who say it is virtually impossible to get a job. If you are over 60, your chances drop even more. So perhaps the idea that dressing younger, might help. is plausible. Maybe the thing about vanity that bothers me the most is not that the physical is difficult to admit but it is the idealogy and attitude that comes with it.

I remember my mother wearing a short, 2 piece bathing suit, 20 years after she shouldn't have. I have a photo of her posing, Marilyn Monroe style that creeps me out, to this day. I admit I have a difficult time with women my own age, all my friends are at least 10 years younger but the ones I am attracted to are the ones who have accepted their age and are doing it with dignity and common sense. No illusions about what Season they are in life and living it to their best. That is how I want to be. Not fuddy-duddy but not trying to change back the clock but any means necessary.

I have heard it said that getting older is a gift that not everyone gets. That one sentence got me through my 60th birthday and it is still with me today. However, make no mistake. If money and fear of surgery were not as issue, I would be having one of those Lifelift things where I could look 50 again...Really?

Day 17...

You don't get to be almost 64 without collecting some wisdom. Whether you ever use it or not is personal and varies wildly from person to person.

You establish routines. Those that work for you are incorporated and become second nature. Some turn out to be passing fancies and don't see the light of day, for long.

I don't know how many of these journals he has. For as long as I can remember, he has carried them to every church service we have gone to. Doesn't matter what church, it is a way that he captures not only what is being preacher but his drawings are evidence of what is going on in his head.

Many, many of these pages have detailed drawings of motorcycles. Last week, it started with a sword. A few words resonated with him and at the end of the 1/2 hour of so, the page is finished. His daughter has said, she wants these journals, Someday.

We all process information differently. I used to think he wan't paying attention when he was drawing. I didn't get it but I do now. Last Sunday, I documented the process from start to finish. Sometimes, wisdom comes in the strangest of places...

June 12...

It's the day I became gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
It's the day I became forever in love with someone who is half, me.
And while she is her own woman, and has her own children, she will always, always
be my little girl.

We spent the day in the sand and water, complete with a picnic.
We watched the kids splash and play.
It was the perfect way to celebrate, her.

Later, we would go out to dinner and back home for a mean game of badmintion.

I asked her if money and time were no object, where would she like to spend her birthday? She couldn't come up with anything. Sometimes simple is what we need. Not to overthink, or overcelebrate but just ot be in the Moment and today, we very much were.