March 11...

DH came home and told me that Daylight Savings Time was starting 3 weeks earlier this year - a week from Sunday to be exact. I had no idea. Seems we are after more daylight so 3 weeks earlier in the spring and an extra week in the fall. I had no idea.

Apparently there may be some glitches. Cell phones and computers may have to be manually corrected. Who decides this stuff? I don't remember a mandate of the people being taken or a prop that we voted on last fall. I checked my calendar and there it is, March 11 - Daylight Saving Time starts - so apparently this has been common knowledge for alot of folks or at least the ones who print the calendars.

It's not that big of a deal but I find myself feeling a little unsettled. What is the worse that could happen - be a little early to church on Sunday? You know that feeling like when you have been in a accident - if you had only been a little early or a few minutes later, you would have missed it completely? Think of a whole hour and what a difference that could make.

One of our local communites lost 5 children from 2 families in a deadly car crash yesterday. It appears that the road was slick and there was no guardrail and they went into the water. One of the family lost a daughter and son, the other 2 boys and a girl. The family that lost 3 children yesterday had lost another child 5 years ago in a construction accident. That does not compute or make sense to me.

That feeling of if time had only stopped or been delayed happens to all of us in many different situtations, always as an afterthought. We have no control over these times and we obviously have no control over gaining an hour and then losing it again, every year. I guess I can just hope I use it wisely. The dad of the family who lost the three chidren said to Go home and hug your children. Count your blessings, don't let another hour go by and spring forward...

being neighborly...

We have had an on-going battle with our next door neighbors for about a year. If our mail boxes weren't in the same place, I could care less where he parks his car but he chooses to park right in front of the mailbox where the mail lady can't get to do her duty.

They are not bad neighbors. Their dog barks when we go outside or mow the lawn but that is about the extent of any problem for us. We wave when we see each other but not much else. The first time this mailbox thing came up, he went a little nuts - screaming that he has rights and should be able to park his huge rig wherever he wants to. The mail lady left notes in both of our boxes and he continues to do as he pleased. It finally came to a head a few weeks ago when he was informed that he would no longer receive mail until the path was clear. The mail lady told me she would deliver our mail but not his. I was a little worried for her - he had served our country in Iraq and has displayed a temper. I warned her, she may not want to confront him by herself.

I have been mad at him for quite a while. He knows what he is doing and chooses to continue to be a ( insert strong adjective here). Day after day, first the mail then the newspaper person stops putting our paper on the box of the mail post and started throwing it in the driveway. It appeared that he must have taken some pleasure in this little game until he started to cost him. I was REALLY glad when I found out his mail would not be delivered. SERVES you right! Who do you think you are? Why can't you try to get along and make it easier for all of us????

I was grocery shopping today, running up and down the isles because I lost my list somewhere. He came to mind and I remember thinking, he needs Jesus. Then again, he needs Jesus. It was a soft reminder not of what a not-nice person he has been but a declaration of the state of his soul. He needs Jesus.

I got home and his vehicle was not in front of the mail box. I looked over at his house and with those three little words still in my head, I sent a prayer his way. I have been so busy being mad at him, I didn't take time to think about anything else. I am going to send a prayer his way everytime I get my mail, even if he relapses. He does need Jesus and its time I start being more neighborly...

seeing is believing...

So, some friends of ours woke up to frost on the ground and toilet paper everywhere else. This is not the first time but will stop when their 15 year daughter goes to college. In the meantime, the task of cleaning wet TP out of 50 ft trees will fall to them.

Not everything is as easy as this. Seeing is believing is not always as black and white . Take for example the announcement yesterday of the 1980 discovery of Jesus and 9 of his relatives, including a wife and son, in 10 caskets. James Cameron, the director of Titanitic, said he thought long and hard before going public. Knowing what the backlash would be, in the end he decided to come forward. There were sound bites on the news all through the day and probably will be for days to come.

When Brandi was in 1st grade, she shared what should have been a glorious time of learning with Darren The Troublemaker. This kid had future prison guy written all over him and while he made Steve and I laugh - what he did to her was tragic. He started telling her that her mom and dad were sneaking out after she was asleep and going to a bar to drink beer and smoke and he knew because he was there too. We thought it was funny until she started to believe him.

Ok, how do I know that you don't do that? For the longest time, she was inconsolable. She believed him over us. She didn't buy the argument that he was 6 and not allowed in a bar and even if he wasn't there, how did she know we weren't doing said bar behavior anyway? I feel the same about James Cameron find. Find what he wants. Find what anyone else wants. It has nothing to do with what I believe.

As Jay Leno said last night about Jesus having a wife and son, we can't even figure out who Anna Nicole's baby father is. This is not about burying my head in the sand and yelling to drown out anything I don't want to be true until it goes away. It is about a commitment I have made to the end. It is about burning my ships so I can't go back. I am in this for the long haul. Nothing in this life will convince me about the rest of my life. No going back until I meet Jesus, face to face. These kind of discoveries, attempting to prove by physical evidience, have been in each generation. There will always be those good folks who will cry out again the injustice and come to the rescue of Jesus. My perspective is He doesn't need my outcry for Him but to Him. Seeing is believing. James Cameron may live in a mansion on this side of heaven with the monies he has garnered from his findings and he may live in a Mansion with Jesus someday. Maybe it will be a win-win...

Kumbaya...

With a show of hands - how many of you think that there can be peace in the Middle East with an abnormally, huge amount of human effort?

Diving intervention aside which I totally think could change human history, it is not going to happen, Thousands of years of hatred and fighting will never dissolve with all parties holding hands and sitting around singing Kumbaya. That kind of intense, entrenced emotion that causes people to base their values on self-destructive behavior - can not be argued away, not in a million years.

Now, lets take it down a notch - race and culture in our neck of the woods. We all have strong beliefs based on our experiences. Today if you express those emotions in public, you go to Rehab. Gay Rehab, Black Rehab, Hispanic Rehab, Muslim Rehab - take your pick. I'm not sure but it appears to be some form of concentrated 21 day Change a Habit type of therapy. If you are successful, you are not heard of again. If you are not, well, just ask Britney Spears.

Rehab has never saved anyone. It has been the first stop for many but never the cureall. We can and do mask but masking is short-term motivation. We will onlyresolve and promote change, one by one. Relationship by relationship. Never on a mass production level, These issues run deep and strong. When we make comments that could place us in whatever rehab, they are honest and true. The place that they come from is where they will need to be convinced, for change to be lasting.

We each face our own human limitations but we never quit trying to push the envelope to being more than we are. As we move thru this life, be yourself, make your own way and do your thing. We are all here for a reason, whether we can see it or not...

beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

beauty (byoo/te)

1. the quality present in a person that gives intense aesthetic pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind or senses.

I think beauty is often treated as loose and fast. Our culture seems to define beauty as purely physical and out of the realm of reality. Teen girls trying to look like the Photoshop versions they see in the magazines. When the sense of physical beauty is present, every other factor seem to run into the blank canvas of white space. Not thinking they have a chance to compete, they fade away as quickly as they can.

If we could see beyond the physical definition of beauty and start to appreciate the quality that is non-physical, we could really start to get somewhere. I am fully aware that trying to shift such as pervasive cultural value among the masses is not going to happen. As most values, while our laws may be at odds with our beliefs, for the most part, it doesn't change the way we do our personal business. There are a few studies out that say we can go back to Roe v Wade and see a breakdown in our culture, as a whole. I personally agree but that ruling has made not one iota of difference in my personal values nor has it changed what I believe...and I am not convinced that beauty isn't as entrenced in our lives and maybe, just maybe...may effect more people than the black and white issue of abortion.

My grandkids are the cutest in the world - don't get into it with me. I would also expect that Miss Cheryl, you think Miss Jada is over the moon for you. I would expect nothing less. We are doing something wrong is we don't feel this way. Their cutestness is not wrapped up in physical beauty, unless it is Easter or Christmas. It is about them being ours, it's their personalities, the way they hug us tight and our digital layouts would be incomplete with them.

Take it up a notch - what does beauty look like in a grownup? How much money and time do we spend trying to make ourselves beautiful to satisfy ourselves. Do you think Jesus gives a rip about that?

I am not saying gain 300 pounds because I think the Church has spent too much time worrying about people playing cards and smoking while talking about it over a huge plate of food. Figure out what is valuable and live it. Realizing that life is a continual adjustment, you will always have to review from time to time. That is as it should be. Beauty is fleeting - a tattoo on your thigh at 20 won't look the same at 60. If you are going for the physical, don't go there. If you get that, and it is about the iconic value...tattoo away.

the grocery store...

When I come thru those first set of doors and grab a shopping cart, I am filled with promise. Cupcakes, hamburger buns or milk - the decision is mine. That I still feel this way after all these years is telling.

What we have experience over the years, stays with us. We learn to co-exist together. It's not about having a coming to Jesus moment and poof, it is gone. Sometimes I think the new life He offers us - we interpret as completely different - everything is erased. I'm not so sure - I think as He shares more and more of His nature, its about how to co-exist with what we already know.

There is no doubt that parts of me, I no longer value and because of that, are of no interest or value to me but there are too many other areas of my life, that are just as strong as they have always been. I remember church people tellingme that I was going to have a New Life. Everything would change and when it didn't, I thought I was doing Something wrong.

The grocery store icon is perfect for me. It keeps me humble and childlike. I would love to say I always make healthy choices when I shop but there are days my cart runneth over with Hostess, Hershey and Godiva. The older I get the more I appreciate the past I have. It makes me more and more grateful everyday for the life I have today and oh, so hopeful for tomorrow...

note to self...

It has been almost 7 months since I have been able to eat foods that I haven't in almost as many years. I can't explain it and while it still frightens me - it is a whole new, familiar world. ABout 3 weeks ago, we took the boys to a movie and for some crazy reason, I reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn. I don't remember thinking, this is it. I don't remember thinking anything and when I was able to swallow it, I immediately went for another. Fear seemed to have flown out the window.

Six years of not eating and now I am eating popcorn. Everytime I put a piece in my mouth, the concept of a miracle comes to mind. It doesn\'t matter if it last a day or for the rest of my life. I will never forget these days.Life is scary and the window of our taking chances follows the seasons. Sometimes we are wide open and sometimes closed, to protect ourselves from the elements. For me even though it is cold outside, it appears that my window is wide open.

I don't want to be stupid about this. There is still fear involved in eating, just not when popcorn is involved. There is Something Big here I need to learn - I don't want to miss it. Maybe it is the Process of a Miracle or the Anatomy of a Miracle but whatever it is, I want to learn. Whether I ever eat another kernel of popcorn again, it will always remind me of the power of God and His love. From now on, popcorn will be a icon for all that is miraclious. Funny, it never ceases to amaze me, how the Teacher teaches and how the student learns...

In this life, you must adjust...

I have been following the hearing for control of Anna Nicole's body this morning. May not be the way most people would like to start their Tuesday morning but for me, it is a fascinating lesson in human behavior. Ms Smith was a train wreck in Real Life and why it should come as no surprise but does, is still a train wreck in death. There is no writer in Hollywood could have come up with this scenario. The landscape changes daily - men are coming on board everyday who potentially Could be AN's daughter.

In this life, you must adjust... one of the little tidbits of this colorful judge. This hearing brings together a mix of law, emotions, facts and fiction. A estranged mother, an unwedded companion and the most likely candidate for a 5 month old baby who has just lost her mother.

I have the luxury of time, I am so well aware and thankful for it. While the dishwasher is humming along, I will continue to watch this. I can't help but knowing there is information that is pertinent. Maybe not now, but sometime.

Judge Larry is a bit of a character. What seemed like a straight forward case is anything but. Much like life. He is saying that he needs to know Who the father is to decide Who gets AN's body. It always looks so simple when we are looking in from the outside. We are so humble and free about dispensing advice...when it is not about us.

Being in court is alot like Real life. Things come out of nowhere, everyone talks at the same time and there are many, many objections. It is a place where truth doesn't always win and at times, it is hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys. However, people dress better and the audience does stay in the back. I am very comfortable, makes me feel like home.

Don't know where this is going but I plan on listening. Having Judge Larry's advice in my head, if Something comes my way that I need to attend to, I'll be gone in a flash, right after I hit the record button...

President's Day...

Happy President's Day! Even with our planned sleepover, we managed to remember why there was no school today. I was thinking about it this morning when laying across the end of my pretty-full bed. I never think about Bill Clinton or Ronald Reagan on this day only, Abe and George - must be a birthday thing.

Miss M went home with her parents last night so it was just the boys. We had a great time and have a trip to the candy-shop planned for today but the rest of the time, we are on the run. Right now, I have a sad, little 4 year old on the floor begging me to play with him, like that isn't what we have been doing since he got here.

But duty calls, chocolate milk only goes so far...The other thing I thought about this morning was how grateful I am to have these people in my life. There will be time for sleep later, this is the time to learn. Gotta g - have a great day...

Oh, oh child, things are gonna be brighter...

I think alot about the world that my GK are facing. Just the differences between my daughter's generation and theirs is worlds apart. Computers have made this a world that is light years from what it was just a few years ago. The world they are facing is one I can't even wrap my head around.

Our world today has constant change. Everyday, there is some new. What was viable at breakfast is obsolete by dinner. We BabyBoomers are trying to learn by virtue of playing catch up, today's generation comes to it naturally. Gage and I spent yesterday afternoon playing video games. He knows exactly what to do and manuevers like an old pro. I struggle a bit but have no problem having him show me the ropes. I have been known to become obsessed with video games. 20 years ago, it was Ladybug. My friend introduced me to it and there was not a stick of clean underwear or dinners on the table for 6 months time. Yesterday, I discovered Super Monkey Ball. I may have to move in with my kids if it isn't available for XBox.

Whatever their world turns out to be, I want to be a part of it for as long as I can. From my computer to my digital camera to Super Monkey Ball - these days are where I feel the most comfortable. The good old days for me, are now. This instanteous gratification generation is right up my alley. It fits my thin-slicing personality. I would imagine that would put me in the minority with my generation but we have never had much in common anyway.

The one constant to every generation is Jesus. Nothing comes our way that is new to Him. We are just re-inventing what He already knows. Whatever happens today, tomorrow, a year from now, 20 years in the future and beyond - still has the same foundation. He is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is what binds us together. Our methods will be different but our hearts are heading in the same direction.

Keaton, Gage and Morgan - this is your time. This is where God has placed you. Love Him and do the best you can with the life you have been given. Let your little lights shine. Don't worry about the details - the value is in the Big Picture. I can hardly wait to see what comes next...

picture this...

There are so many kinds of love and for each, its own way. This boy loves his teacher more than you can believe and she, him. His choice of a Valentine rose will last forever, that is the nature of felt and he could not be happier. It's size is rather intimidating. I hope her husband anticipated this level of affection and made his Valentine super special...

These days, nothing makes me happier that a memory card of pictures. My cup runneth over today. The mere process of cropping and running filters makes me giddy. I never could have imagined this kind of joy from a set of photographs.

Happiness is fleeting. It was never meant to be a permanent condition. The state of being happy is something to be throughly enjoyed, for as long as it lasts. Our problem comes when we try to make it our default position. We need to be ready to find joy in everyday things but not to expect it to be the background of each and every minute. Much like a honeymoon, a marriage would not last if it was expected to stay in that stage forever. There is a natural maturing process to marriage that you would miss if you always craved and demanded that honeymmon state. For me, it makes those happy times, more joyful. As I downloaded my chip this morning, I had no idea for sure, if I had any great pictures. As I cruised the gallery, there were a few that took my breath away. I am a happy girl.

Being aware of the process of happiness it essential for me. It tempers and balances me. It makes me a better person. I am surrounded with this Love and then to get a hit of unbridled joy, it about all I can handle...

Happy Valentines Day...

1230AM - the phone rings. It is DH work. He has to go in. He has a little time after putting in a 12 hours shift but because he worked midnite to noon, they forgot to tell him that he would have to come back in the eraly AM.

He walks in the door at 500am and I decide that instead of the extra hour of sleep, I would get up early and get ready for the day early so he would not have a bit of sleep before I started making noise. We talked a little - I quizzed him about what day of the week it was. It's a game we play when our week is crazy and we think it is trying to drag us along. He knew it was Wednesday - I congratulated him, we laughed. He got in bed and I started to dry my hair.

I finished up as fast as I could and headed for the kitchen. There on the table was my valentine. For as many years as I can remember, on Valentine's Day, birthday and anniversaries - there is a hand-drawn little card who reminds me that I am loved. He always delivers his message on a piece of white copy paper, folded in quarters. His Valentine message to me was about how I am the woman and DH is a lucky man...

This is Valentine's Day to me. I wouldn't trade my little man cards for anything. Nothing that DH could have bought me at the mall could come close to making me smile. I am always wondering how the little guys is doing and this year, he was peeking out of the o in Woman...

Don't need chocolates or flowers. To have a Valentine is the greatest gift to me. If you have one, be ever so grateful. If you don't, find someone to give a little love to. I can't help but think about one of our digi girls whose sister was murdered by her boyfriend on Valentine's Day. What a difficult legacy to live with. Whatever circumstances you are in today, make it work for you. Don't get caught up in the details - remember the Big Picture! Happy Valentines Day...

second chances...

Life is full of them. We pray for them but don’t always recognize them. We don’t always give then the respect we should. It’s not about deserving them because we really don’t. Walking away with understanding of making it right or learning from our mistakes is the Prize. We are owed nothing more.

I passed this recycled car parts store on the way to get a key made for my car this morning. Every time I see it, I get what they are trying to say. I think it makes all of us slow down, for the moment. Hopefully, the Bigger Picture makes us want to think more carefully about how we live. Don’t know if the people got a second chance or not – doesn’t look possible, does it?

We can do nothing about those second chances that never come. We live our lives the best we can, conscious of our choices and able to forgive ourselves when necessary. First thing this morning, I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot and this little old lady was going down the isle with her trunk open. I thought she would stop but she didn’t. She had to have seen it – must have looked like it was midnight in her rear view mirror. She kept driving so instead of parking, I chased her down. I pulled around and tried to head her off before she got to the street. I was honking and she finally stopped. I am sure she was nervous so I approached her on the passenger side and with hand gestures, told her I would close her trunk for her. I did and came around on the driver’s side and waved to her. She waved back thankfully and was on her way. She didn’t look like she would make it home – I prayed that she would.

I have been given more than my fair share of second chances and am painfully aware that I still fall short of making the most of them. All I can do is continue to be aware and persevere. Be grateful for those times I get to call do overs and those times I don’t. Be able to live with the consequences and take advantage of getting a second chance, that is way more than I deserve…

The lovely gals at Disc Talk Radio chose my collage from last week as one of the layouts that will be highlighted on their radio program this week - thanks guys.

Ms Smarty Pants...

Sunday...DH has to work again but I feel the need to head to church. I don't remember until I sit down and cruise the bulletin that the pastor was gone and there is a guest speaker. Darn it, I think to myself. For a brief moment, I considered leaving. I don't like change and there is a reason that most churches don't give the congregation a heads-up when the preacher is a no-show.

But I didn't leave. I stayed. As the music began, this older gentleman in front of me pulled out his tamborine, complete with flowing ribbons, and started to play. I felt a big smile start to come across my face. He played very well, laid it down gently during slow songs and picked it up, playing with much gusto the rest of the time. I loved that he was demonstrative in his worship and able to hear the march of his personal drummer.

After the music, announcements and greeting - the speaker of the morning got up and started to speak. The next 40 minutes were an absolute delight. He was charming, funny and passionate. He shared personal Stories, made us laugh while sharing God's Word. What a great morning that I almost missed.

Well, Ms Smarty Pants - what do you think now? My loyal self had given me up. What I thought to be true - was not. My Tamborine friend had been well worth the trip and Mr Preacher guy, well, let's bring him back real soon.

He talked about how hard it is to give up being in the driver seat, that our natural inclination is not to love, riding shotgun. How right he is - it will always be that way for me. Yesterday's lesson is another experience that hopefully resonated with me and will stay when I start trying to crawl from the passenger side trying to force my way back into the driver seat. It happens to all of us and will always be Something that we will have to learn over and over again. Thanks Ms Smarty Pants, I can always count on you to learn a great lesson - I love you so...

I just want to hit something...

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, Steel Magnolias, pretty much describes my mood today. In a few hours when the sun comes up, my front yard will be filled with a backhoe and more than a few plumbers. With the water turned off for most of the day, housework will be going on the back burner and the three-ring circus will be my focus.

Wednesday started out bad. Lost my keys somewhere at home. Usually not a big deal, they will turn up except that the last time I had them was Monday and Tuesday was trash day. Again, not a big deal unless your car key cost $200. I am giving myself until Monday to buy a replacement but it makes me nervous. Since Wednesday, I have lost the second key 4 times.

When the mail came Wednesday, my water bill was 4 times what it usually is. Thinking they misread the meter, I asked for a reread. They told us to check for a water leak. We did. They misread the meter by almost a 1000 gallons and we had a water leak. The plumbers came on Thursday and after much hand digging, we went from a $300 repair to an almost $2000 repair. Don't panic, call insurance, pay $500 deductible - get er done. While at karate last night, a claims adjuster called to tell me my yard isn't covered by my homeowners policy. My yard isn't covered by my homeowners policy? When you are buying insurance, this is not a question that readily comes to mind, Is my yard included in this abnormally large quote?

Haven't I repeatedly said/thought and truly believe that, life is unfair. As I drove home from karate, I tried to make sense of the whole thing and realized that there are few places to turn when life throws you a curve like this. Actually, only one place. With my mind unable to shut down, it is tough to get there and tougher to stay. Jesus is a place to go where peace is free and unfair is met with comfort... now if I could only find a sparring outfit and something to hit. Ever the optomist, maybe I will get lucky and the backhoe operator will find my keys...

There but for the grace of God...

Dear Lisa,

Everywhere you turn, someone is talking about you. Your life was ruined in an instant. You had such a high profile job where all kids and most adults think pretty highly of you - you have disappointed everyone beyond what you can comprehend.

You have embarrassed your kids and husband - Jay Leno is talking about you every night. It would make you cringe to hear the jokes and the audience's laughter. You said, " he was more than a friend and less than a lover". On some level, we want to ask you the same thing Jay Leno asked Hugh Grant after he was caught with a prostitute, " What the hell were you thinking?", but we know you can't explain it or at least not in the near future

Driving 600 miles from Texas to Florida while wearing diapers. A disguise made up of a wig and a trenchcoat. There was duct tape, a metal mallet, pepper spray a knife and 2 soiled diapers found in your car. You say all you wanted to do is talk to her - not very convincing.

You got to come home, not sure that would have been the case if you had not been an astronaut and quite frankly, I'm not sure that it is fair. Anyone else accused of attempted murder with bizarre circumstances would still be in jail or at the very least, not able to leave the state. You even had one of your own come get you and escort you back to Texas.

You are being evaluated by some of the best medical people anywhere. Another perk that most of us would never have the option of. I hope they can help you - you really need it. As for that mission you were looking forward to in March - looks like you will need a replacement.

When I first heard your Story, I had three immediate thoughts...
1. You are nuts
2. Nasa was nuts (not to see this sooner)
3. There but for the grace of God go I...

I don't think you were smart enough to fool whole medical teams and keep your craziness hidden. I imagine that when you went up in space, you were perfectly sane, mind and body - good to go.., I think you snapped. Whatever else has gone on in your life, it drove you to do things that you never would have dreamed you were capable of. That's what scares me.

You see, we are not all that different and this is what you have taught me. There is not a one of us who could not be in your Shoes for any number of reasons, in a heartbeat. You didn't invent going nuts and the diaper thing was a part of your training - you were doing what you had been trained to do. My craziness would look different from yours but it all comes from the same well. What I am trying to say and obviously not doing a great job is, while it may feel that way, you are not alone. I can so painfully see how it could be me. You can choose to get well and continue on with life. It will not be the same life you had last week, you have to be willing to accept that but if you have the courage - there is a life waiting for you.

There but for the grace of God go I... get well, my friend.

in that moment...

The TLC channel does some impromptu little soundbites with the stars of their shows. They are themed-base, usually about pretty deep things. Today there was a new one with American Chopper's Paul Tuttle Sr and they had asked him if he was in love at this moment - he thought about it, grinned said Yes...

My favorite one has been on for a few months. It plays in my head even when the TV is turned off. Flip That House's, Kirsten talks about the death of her father when she was 23. She shares, "I grew up in that moment". I know exactly what she means. You don't expect to find that much wisdom on TV, that is why I see the need to pay close attention. You never know from which direction God is going to come, no matter how spiritual you think you are.

I grew up in that moment - it didn't happen when my mother died when I was 17. I was in Idaho and had to fly back to California. Not unlike my family history, her death was the least of of the bad memories for us. It was a relief - it sounds harsh but until you have lived it, you have no idea what it is like. When my father died almost 20 years later, his death was another big relief. What struck me a few days after the funeral was that I was a orphan. Regardless of your relationship with your parents when they are gone, you step up and become their generation - there is an unsettling feeling. You grow up in that moment.

I had no insight to living in the moment back in those days. I worked full time and my daughter had so many health problems until she was 10 that we just tried to make it thru the week, Those were the days when you felt you had to be in church 5 times a week - or you were going straight to hell. Now I know that was a man-invented hell but back then, I was taking no chances. You live and learn and hopefully, do better.

Happiness...not in another place but this place, not for another hour but this hour...Walt Whitman. Looking back, I see Kirsten's insight as an affirmation of God's Love. When I truly saw Him for who He is, not the pleaseanswerallmyprayersthewayIwant God - I grew up in that moment.
It was a sobering time - not a time to be giddy like the Gary Larsen cartoon's of the dog waving his paw with much enthusiasm from the car to his dog friend, "Hey, I am on my way to the vet to get tutored!"

It was in that moment I understood and accepted that God's Love is not painless. It was a life-changing moment for me. I have glanced over my shoulder a few times as I am walking forward but that's to be expected. It reminds me of what I have seen and heard along the Way. It is preparing me for what is ahead. All I need to do is be...

the Jerry Seinfeld of my world...

Not only is it my desire to make others laugh, it is essential that I make myself laugh. Laughter has gotten me thru the worst moments in my life. It may not have always been appropriate but it was life-saving to my mental health. I have had to ask for forgiveness at times and I'm sure there will be more to come.

A heartfelt belly laugh complete with tears is one of the best medicines around. For me, something that has moved me to that point of uncontrollable laughter is as healing as any needle and thread. You wipe away the tears, your stomach hurts but you are grinning from ear to ear. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

My favorite joke has the f word in it. I can't help it. It has been my favorite joke for 40 years. God and I have had many conversations about it. He know that everytime I hear it in my head, it makes me laugh. I will tell you it involves an old lady and chocolate ice cream. Coming to Christ at 25 brings it own baggage - and God knows, I love carrying around a good purse.

I would have loved to be a stand-up comedian but I also have that superhero desire. That would never work in Real Life. Look at Superman, he had plenty of funny material and he just let it go. Maybe he ran it by those adoptive parents of his and it fell on deaf ears. If I remember correctly, they were always portrayed as quite dowdy. Superman had to have noticed when he looked in the mirror that there was very little family resemblance and decided to focus on the difficult work of saving the world instead of making it laugh.

I feel better already - it is going to be a fine day. The wedding cake layout made me happy. It made my DH do bellylaugh. He loves that about me - that part that makes him crazy is when I jump out of bed at 6am and have a monologue ready to go and deliver it while he is trying to get dressed for work. Living with me is a curse, I tell ya. Find time for a little laugh today, take 1 twice a day for the rest of your life..

strike a pose...

I have had a slew of pictures to play with this weekend from a wedding shoot on Saturday. These little princess girls were in their element. They twirled around over and over, for no apparent reason other than complete joy.

We have all been to enough weddings to pretty much know, the basic premise. The differences comes in the details. Each wedding has its own flavor. Guests and wedding planners set the tone and we all just follow. The photographer of any nuptial event has been given the daunting task of deciding which memories are worthy of making it in to the proofs.

The photographs of the bride and groom are about documentation. Hopefully, you get a few unconventional shots but mainly, this it the time for formal shots. These will be the photos that will stay in the family album and decorate the walls along the staircase forever. After the formal shots are done, its time to party with the camera and shoot the other side of a wedding.

These little girl were running around like it was their wedding. I came up to them and just said, " Ladies, Strike a pose!" and they gave me the most FABulous shot. There is just something about girls and weddings. It really can't be explained - it must be part of the feminine DNA that brings out the soft side and makes us all giggly.

It also is a time for each of us to remember our own weddings. You can't help it. You remember and you think about where you are today and where you might be tomorrow. For women, it is a time to do what comes naturally to us - pitch in and do what you can to help. It is my favorite part of any wedding, working in the kitchen after the reception, cleaning up and sharing women words.

Strike a pose - we girls are good at it. We can do it anytime, anywhere and are more than happy to do so...

collage of life...

A digi friend of mine had put together a collage of her pictures and I was absolutely in love. I knew I wanted to do the same. I got inspired last night and painstakingly started piecing together my version of of her vision.

Actually, each of our collages would look quite similiar. While faces, places and events would differ, it is oddly strange how much they would have in common. Maybe color or form, there would look more alike than different.

Mine has lots of red in it. I like to take pictures with lots of red. We are a red kind of family but everyday can't be a red day. There are blue days, yellow days and days with little or no color. They are all a part of the collage, they play a part and tell a Story.

As I was bringing in photo after photo, I thought about a daily collage. Somedays there might be one or two pictures, other days, a film strip of a 24 hour blur. Today's collage would include a photos of my girls and a wedding rehearsal. Always leaving room for the unexpected, tonight when I go to bed, I would pack all the pictures in a nice little frame and say goodnight to the day.

I got tremendous creative satisfaction from the finished collage. All the pieces fit together perfectly and the colors are stunning. Maybe I love it so much because it is complete. It may only reflect 2006 but it is a complete 2006. All i's are dotted and all t's are crossed and there is nothing we like better than a finished project. Real Life isn't like that. Real Life is never complete. We have our moments but we are always aware that we are not complete.

For today, I will print off a copy of this to put on my desk as an icon to life. Now I have to decide which one. You see, I applied 11 filters to the original collage. Each one changes the look and reminds me that it is all in the eye of the beholder. We see what we want to see and as of right now, I want to see it all...

paper shredder...

I have bought a couple of the $30 dollar paper shredders and after a few times, I always manage to break them trying to shove too much into them. I never thought I would need a shredder but times change and it would appear that some people make their living going thru our trash.

I remember having a conversation with my sister 5 or 6 years ago about not putting outgoing mail in the her mailbox at home. She told me that for years, she had taken hers to the local post office and never sent anything thru the mail at her own home. Even though I couldn't imagine that would ever be a problem here, I started following suit - that was in the days before electronic bill pay so we had to go a few times a month, now it is easier and I am still heeding her advice.

While I may be savvy in the ways of mailbox protection, my shredder ways have not advanced much. Not wanting to spend $150 on the perfect paper shredder, I have a low tech approach that not only works but is quite satisfying. I tear the envelopes in half, then I rip each pile little bitty pieces. I put one pile in one garbage bag and the other in a second garbage bag. My thinking is that if someone did go thru my trash, they would, at first, be happy to find my homemade shreds until they figured out that they only had 1/2 the information they needed for their identity thief project. There is some weird satisfaction in all that for me.

I know what you are thinking, this girl has too much time on her hands and you would be right. Think how much good I could do in world if I took that time and focused in other areas but I don't see that happening. My super-girl gene is just too strong and beating the Bad Man at his own game is so rewarding and fufilling.

Wish I had a shredder for Real Life. I can imagine hundreds of uses. Those days when I feel like nothing is right, or life isn't fair or ohnoherehitcomesagain. I could just shred them away.
It isn't that easy. God didn't make us that way. He made us to depend on Him. It's not about tearing up whatever we don't like or want to hide It is about going thru, not around.
Dang, and the shredder was such a good idea , on paper, anyway ...