The TLC channel does some impromptu little soundbites with the stars of their shows. They are themed-base, usually about pretty deep things. Today there was a new one with American Chopper's Paul Tuttle Sr and they had asked him if he was in love at this moment - he thought about it, grinned said Yes...
My favorite one has been on for a few months. It plays in my head even when the TV is turned off. Flip That House's, Kirsten talks about the death of her father when she was 23. She shares, "I grew up in that moment". I know exactly what she means. You don't expect to find that much wisdom on TV, that is why I see the need to pay close attention. You never know from which direction God is going to come, no matter how spiritual you think you are.
I grew up in that moment - it didn't happen when my mother died when I was 17. I was in Idaho and had to fly back to California. Not unlike my family history, her death was the least of of the bad memories for us. It was a relief - it sounds harsh but until you have lived it, you have no idea what it is like. When my father died almost 20 years later, his death was another big relief. What struck me a few days after the funeral was that I was a orphan. Regardless of your relationship with your parents when they are gone, you step up and become their generation - there is an unsettling feeling. You grow up in that moment.
I had no insight to living in the moment back in those days. I worked full time and my daughter had so many health problems until she was 10 that we just tried to make it thru the week, Those were the days when you felt you had to be in church 5 times a week - or you were going straight to hell. Now I know that was a man-invented hell but back then, I was taking no chances. You live and learn and hopefully, do better.
Happiness...not in another place but this place, not for another hour but this hour...Walt Whitman. Looking back, I see Kirsten's insight as an affirmation of God's Love. When I truly saw Him for who He is, not the pleaseanswerallmyprayersthewayIwant God - I grew up in that moment.
It was a sobering time - not a time to be giddy like the Gary Larsen cartoon's of the dog waving his paw with much enthusiasm from the car to his dog friend, "Hey, I am on my way to the vet to get tutored!"
It was in that moment I understood and accepted that God's Love is not painless. It was a life-changing moment for me. I have glanced over my shoulder a few times as I am walking forward but that's to be expected. It reminds me of what I have seen and heard along the Way. It is preparing me for what is ahead. All I need to do is be...
