Dear Lisa,
Everywhere you turn, someone is talking about you. Your life was ruined in an instant. You had such a high profile job where all kids and most adults think pretty highly of you - you have disappointed everyone beyond what you can comprehend.
You have embarrassed your kids and husband - Jay Leno is talking about you every night. It would make you cringe to hear the jokes and the audience's laughter. You said, " he was more than a friend and less than a lover". On some level, we want to ask you the same thing Jay Leno asked Hugh Grant after he was caught with a prostitute, " What the hell were you thinking?", but we know you can't explain it or at least not in the near future
Driving 600 miles from Texas to Florida while wearing diapers. A disguise made up of a wig and a trenchcoat. There was duct tape, a metal mallet, pepper spray a knife and 2 soiled diapers found in your car. You say all you wanted to do is talk to her - not very convincing.
You got to come home, not sure that would have been the case if you had not been an astronaut and quite frankly, I'm not sure that it is fair. Anyone else accused of attempted murder with bizarre circumstances would still be in jail or at the very least, not able to leave the state. You even had one of your own come get you and escort you back to Texas.
You are being evaluated by some of the best medical people anywhere. Another perk that most of us would never have the option of. I hope they can help you - you really need it. As for that mission you were looking forward to in March - looks like you will need a replacement.
When I first heard your Story, I had three immediate thoughts...
1. You are nuts
2. Nasa was nuts (not to see this sooner)
3. There but for the grace of God go I...
I don't think you were smart enough to fool whole medical teams and keep your craziness hidden. I imagine that when you went up in space, you were perfectly sane, mind and body - good to go.., I think you snapped. Whatever else has gone on in your life, it drove you to do things that you never would have dreamed you were capable of. That's what scares me.
You see, we are not all that different and this is what you have taught me. There is not a one of us who could not be in your Shoes for any number of reasons, in a heartbeat. You didn't invent going nuts and the diaper thing was a part of your training - you were doing what you had been trained to do. My craziness would look different from yours but it all comes from the same well. What I am trying to say and obviously not doing a great job is, while it may feel that way, you are not alone. I can so painfully see how it could be me. You can choose to get well and continue on with life. It will not be the same life you had last week, you have to be willing to accept that but if you have the courage - there is a life waiting for you.
There but for the grace of God go I... get well, my friend.
