happy...



I have always thought being happy was somewhat of an oxymoron. My interpretation of achieving happiness was dependent upon circumstances. If everything was going well, if I got to purchase that next goodie I had been salivating over. To me, happy could be gone in an instant and would only return when the good stuff did. It makes me very uncomfortable when someone says that a person deserves happiness. I am a big believer that we don't deserve much of anything after all He has already done in His Love for us.

Happy - (hap/e)
1. delighted, pleased or glad
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure or contentment.
3. fortunate or lucky.

I woke up yesterday morning with a little black cloud following me around. Not unlike a low grade depression, the cloud and I are familiar with each other. I have known it all my life. Now days, I see the cloud less as the enemy and more as something to be endured for a hopefully, short time. There is no rhyme or reason. I can be having a great life as I have this week and the cloud just appears. As I cruised the digi boards during the afternoon, one of the threads read, How Happy Are You?, I had nothing to lose so I click on the link which directed me to Oprah.com and took the Satisfaction with Life test. Five questions with a scale of 1-7. A total of 35 possible points.

1. In most ways, my life is close to ideal.
2. The conditions of my life are excellent.
3. I am satisfied with my life.
4. So far I have gotten the important things in life.
5. If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.

6
6
7
7
7

That was my score, 33. On a day that the little black cloud was so obviously a big part of my day. Truthfully, I am amazingly satisfied with the life I have. The tears are flowing as I write these words. In the midst of everything, I have learned that happy is not about bigger, better, more or perfect. In the midst of where I am on any given day, perhaps I am able to see the Bigger Picture. I can't tell you what a gift that is. I can't imagine ever having another day when I see the little black cloud follwing me, that I won't remember today.

Anna Quindlen's book, A Short Guide To A Happy Life, ends with telling about Story doing a Story on how homeless people suffer in the winter months...
...He and I sat on the edge of the wooden supports, dangling our feet over the side and he told me about his schedule, panhandling the boulevard when the summer crowds were gone, sleeping in a church when the temperature went below freezing, hiding from the police amid the Titl-A-Whirl and the Cyclone and some of the seasonal rides.... and I asked him why. Why didn't he go to one of the shelters? Whey didn't he check himself into the hospital for detox. And he stared out at the ocean and said, "Look at the view, young lady. Look at the view". And every day, in some little way, I try to look at the view. That's all. Words of wisdom from a man with not a dime in his pocket, no place to go, nowhere to be. Look at the view. When I do what he said, I am never disappointed. . Me too...