reflecting...

ipad + "Eye of the Tiger" from Jordan Hollender on Vimeo.

Working on turning "things I believe" into "things that I Know". Ashton Kutcher via Twitter.

I am in a reflective mode this week. Labor day is almost here and with it comes the unofficial end of summer. We hope for many more warm days but will understand if they don't come everyday or are few and far between. We are so ready to get some fall color in our photos, something to hang on the wall for the next six months. I can hardly wait!

Tomorrow is official start of my personal New Year. It is dictated by my body/mind clock and I have learned to go with it. We have had some early, cooler days which just makes it that much more apparent than it is time to figure out where my head is and where it is headed. I have some ideas.

AA - God, grant us the...
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless

I have been in a few different AA related groups in my life. I was told in Ala -Teen by an AA sponsor, that I was an alcoholic whether I ever took a drink or not. I knew instinctively, she was right and always kept it in the back of my mind. Later, in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), I learned even more about myself.

It wasn't until this summer when I decided that my faith should walk the AA path. That life is a daily struggle and just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow's faith or beliefs. They are going to change and grow. Don't be afraid that they are going to fade. I am so looking forward to taking it one day at a time, I can't even tell you how much.

Going to need to fill sometime now that the gks are all in school. They are growing up and have lives of their own. I know they will always share themselves with us but we Big People have to change so they can grow up.

Next year at this time, DH will be a few months away from retirement and that will bring real change. Not unlike learning a new way when the kids leave the nest, now we have to learn a new way to keep the nest and each other in one piece. A natural progression, if you will.

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference...

How will my everyday life change if I live these words?
How will my faith change if I live these words?
How will the living out of the Serentity prayer, change my world?

Thinking, fall coming is a wonderful thing...

old friends...

Instead of taking social cues from people your age, take cues from people ten and twenty years older than you. Are you looking for a church that has a lot of people who are your age so you can hang out? That’s fine, but try looking for one where most of the people have families and perhaps a little grey hair. Why? Because the sooner you can relate to their priorities, the sooner you’ll be ready for the next stage of life. I’m in my late thirties but I’m more interested in hanging out with people who are retired. What’s it teaching me? It’s teaching me what matters later in life is friendships, family and love. In matters of faith, what matters to them is not theological debate, but closeness with Jesus and unity with believers. Donald Miller.

Not sure but this might explain why my friends, for the most part, are 10 years younger than I am. For me, it was all about my mental age which is nowhere close to my physical age. Don't assume I am exactly proud of being a bit immature but it is what it is. I do, however, believe staying childlike is essential to living a healthy life, no matter what your age.

If one is able to be in touch with their childlike self, they understand,

that there is Something to learn everyday.
that you never know what is going to happen
that telling the truth or some form of it, doesn't always bet you out of trouble.

I understand what Donald Miller is saying and for a long time, prayed for that older, retired woman to come into my life. It never happened, and now I think, I have become her. I worry about what I share, and hope to never hurt. Hoping to make you think and then, decide for yourself.

Reading Loving Frank by Nancy Horan for bookclub and as I got in deeper and deeper, I realized how different I would have thought about the Story if I read it 10years ago. My position has completely changed, like blue and red state change. Fiction written about the true story of Frank Lloyd Wright and his affair with Marnah Borthwick, a client's wife he met while building a home for the family.

If you go to CCC and are looking to hang around with older people, aim higher than me. I am already worried about the ones I have been given. My pension won't cover mental therapy for the all of them. I am positive that God has special grace for them and for you who read ER... at least I desperately hope so!

eight is enough...

We had to put his birthday party off until last Saturday. That didn't sit well with him but in the end, was a gentleman about it. I understand, never before had anyone had their party after their birthday. He would be the first. He finally conceded and by the look of his birthday haul, was compensated completely.

I don't remember much about being eight but I know I didn't know about music yet. That would come the summer I was sick and stuck in bed for a couple weeks. Being eight is a whole new ball game. Technology has made each of us long for our own eight year old. They instinctively understand things that I have to learn. He took to the iPad like he had one for years.

The only place I have any leg up on is blogging. Keaton and his friend have started a blog but can't figure out how to add videos. Keaton told his friend, I'll ask my nana. Will try to set them up but how cool is it that I could potential help anyone under 11 years old!

They know more about Jesus and aren't afraid to ask about more. Don't always have the answers. Gage has strong opinions about religion and isn't afraid to share. It is that childlike quality that lets you say what you think, no matter who is around. By the time we are 58, we have either giving in to being a grown up, sucking it up or we have learned what every eight year old already knows, it's not hard, it's the truth...Happy Birthday Gage, I love you so...

first day of school...

There was much trepidation last week as all three kids started school. One in kindergarten and one in junior high was enough to put us all on high alert. We had to be out of the house by 7ish and as it has been since the beginning of time, there was enough excitement that first day that we could have floated to school.

Keaton has the early schedule and as I stood back with Gage and Morgan, we watched mommy and daddy flank Keaton on either side as if that would protect him from all things, high school. Gage turned to me as he watched this tender moment and said, they grow up so fast. Quite the philosopher he is.

There was an hour to kill before Gage entered 2nd grade and Miss M started kindergarten so we headed for the coffee shop. A little refreshment and we headed back for the second chapter to our morning. I had the privilege of overseeing Gage's entry into Mrs Davis's class. One look at Mrs Davis and at Gage;s face and it was clear to see, this was going to be a Love Story of epic proportions. He was smitten and I imagine, by the look on his face, it is going to be a great year.

Miss M is going from a preschool class of 10 to kindergarten with 27. She is use to hugging her teacher and feeling the Love. Where everyone know her name and loves her in a most wonderful way. I am sure they will love her in kindergarten, as soon as they know she is there. Time will tell but she is a trooper and hopefully, will ride with the wind.

Everyone had a good day. Good enough to go back for another day. Then the weekend and tomorrow, they will start a new week, a longer week. No more floating, they may have to be more than encouraged by the end of the week. The one thing they will take with them is the promise of prayer, everyday they go to school, the promises of God will follow them.

For them to remember whose they are and how much they are loved. That God is watching over them and nana is making sure of it every morning. There are no surprise promises of safety, or that they will always have someone to play with or that their teacher will be nice to them but they will never be not covered by the One who made them and loves them best. First day of school, last day of school - covered every day. I promise...

hallowed ground...

Sacred spaces. We all view them differently... Nancy Gibbs/Time Magazine( All quotes from Time).

In your travels, you probably have heard about the Park51 Mosque being built two blocks from the twin towers and I imagine whatever your belief, it is a strong one.

How do we attach meaning to spaces and what happens when those attachments collide or interpretations conflict or change over time?

There are two main camps of thought, All I needed to know about Islam I learned on 9/11 and It is their constitutional right to practice their faith ,with many variations in between.

What makes sacred space is the overlay of experience whether the experience is of war, wonder or revelation

The other question to consider is, just because you can, doesn't mean you should.. If the site was moved, what would be a acceptable amount of blocks away from the hallowed ground we all know as 9/11? What about the hallowed ground in your live? What would push your buttons and have you protesting for a group of people to go elsewhere? For me, it was the home for ex convicts in our neighborhood a few years ago. I was livid for a long time. There was never any real trouble and the home was rented back to a private party earlier this year. Was I happy and delighted? Of course I was but I would have to be an idiot to not admit, would the new people be an improvement. I know nothing about them and as territorial as I have been, we could be in way worse trouble.

Sacred spaces invoke the absolute and the divine, they will never be the same to all people and so their management demands particular humility.

All I can tell you is if another prison house moved into the neighborhood, my reaction would not be as severe or intense. There are enough places to throw myself on my invisible sword for. Nancy Gibbs said it best,

It is not just these spaces are worthy of special respect, so is the way we engage one another over their fate. Amen sister...

batteries...

I have always, always hated batteries. Probably some childhood thing where if I got something that had batteries, I better enjoy it because when it ran out of juice, that would be it.

And it stayed that way until technology and grandchildren came into my life. It didn't take long before I had a stash of AA and AAA batteries close. Have had a wireless mouse for as long as I can remember and you never want to find yourself lacking and having to make an emergency trip to Walmart.

You would imagine that someone would have invented a five year battery by now. I know there were more important things to conquer like seedless watermelon and erectile dysfunction which if you can believe TV, are no longer issues that we need to worry about. Will admit that battery life has gotten better - have about 10 hours on the iPad but still, really, hopefully there is Someone working on a magical little metal box that will keep us going on and on and on, much like an eternal Energizer Bunny.

Human have a lot in commom with batteries. If you don't recharge, you go down - without warning, I think we have a more realistic expectation of battery life than we do in our own lives. Sometimes we go days without thinking about taking down time. Later, Sometime, plenty of excuses but mostly we just go until we crash. Start to make mistakes, get a bit grumpy and there is no invention that will ever make that go away. Take care of ourselves and life goes a little easier.

Physical, mental and spiritually - a lot to cover. A lot to recharge. We are each worth it. If you need it now, make it happen. Don't be a hero, lead the way. The one who does the most, doesn't win. Remember the Story of tortoise and the hare? Look how that turned out. Recharge and do it ofter. It is all about the Maintenance...

leadership...

After being admitted for an asthma exacerbation, our two and a half year old patient was doing better and ready to go home so we decided to round on her first.

Her room was dark, and our big team filed in. Attendings, residents, nurses, medical students. Someone flipped on the light and I squinted, confused, wondering why she wasn’t in her crib.

Her crib had been stripped down, and urine-drenched sheets flung about on the floor. Her young mom was curled up on a fold-out couch with three blankets which she pulled up over her ears to try and block out the noise. Our noise. Her daughter’s doctors.

And over in the corner, exposed and shivering in a rocking chair, was our wet little patient. Just sitting there, waiting for her mom to wake up and finish taking care of her. Or, at least just waiting for something to happen next. She blinked and stared straight ahead.

Her nurse, appalled, went to get more sheets and a clean gown. The medical students were embarrassed. My Attending was upset and began to try and wake up the mother, even as she shooed him away.

I picked up a blanket and wrapped it around the little girl. She scurried up on to my chest and locked her wiry arms around my neck.

And for the longest time, we all just stood there, enveloped in her neglect. And the realization that this was something we could not fix. Dr D/6yearmed


This started as a post about leadership. About stepping up to the plate. Being A Role Model When You Don't Feel Like It 101. Donald Miller had a post a few months ago about leadership classes and church and what is a true leader anyway.

Because the truth is, we are all leaders in our own worlds. We know what we believe and who we believe. We pay bills, get kids to school, make sure there is dinner on the table every night. We have to decide many, many times a day - if we can afford something whether emotional, financial or other. If we get it right more than once in a while, leadership is a done deal. You a leader whether you want to be or not. Those around you are watching and learning. they are picking your brain just by standing next to you. One day, they may want you to listen and the next, answers. You are expected to be ready for either and the deal is, you are completely compared, if you want to.

So I have all these grandiose ideas about the essence of leadership and then I read Dr D post. It took the wind out of my literary sails. At first, I was furious with the mother. I couldn't get past her. A while later, the whole leadership thing came back and only then, could I see how it all tied together.

Is it about genetics or environment? Are some born leaders and others have to take classes? If I was defending leadership in court, I would argue that we are all capable but lack, want and the lack of want, maybe something we can't fix...

applause...

As a people, we applaud too much. Like the news using the expression, Breaking News on most everything, it seems to me not only do we applaud quite a bit, most of it is doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

Ask any employer of the current work force. There is an expectation of applause just for showing up to a job. This may be an issue now that jobs are more scarce than others and I know there are exceptions - this isn't about them.

What we do need is more parents who support, really support their kids and that might involve the word, no. Now, we have Helicopters Parents, They hover and they are dangerous. It is the kind of emotional applause that we do to each other under the guise of doing good.

Cheap applause isn't applause at all. Clap only when you mean it and then do it with all you have. You will be surprised how much clarity this will bring to your life. It might even spill over into others areas of your life. Every the student, always and forever...

an August Story...

This is an August Story, George Will on whether building the mosque 2 blocks would be in the forefront next month.

Several of you are living your August Story, this week. Your lives are changing and will never be the same. You are sending your girls off to start the beginning of the rest of their lives. They are leaving home and you. Not only them but the the loss of the lives they have had, they are taking with them. Friends at the house, hanging out with brothers and sister. They will take the contents of their bedrooms with them. Their hair products, toothbrush and all those things that you wish they would have picked up more. You will mo longer see their clothes in your laundry. The truth is your first born, is making her own way.

Her leaving is your August Story. September will not be pain free but the difficult part of saying goodbye, will be done. This time next month, you might still find yourself in tears but you will also find yourself immersed in some kind of project because that is what we women do, in part, to heal and move on.

You have both been in my thoughts and prayers and in my wildest dreams, the three of us have sat down at Flying M. I watch as you tell each other your Story and I realize how little the world really is. After a good cry, I watch you hug each other, virtual strangers no more.

You are both strong, wonderful women and I am in awe of you both. Can't wait to catch up with you and watch you as you walk through and right into September. A new month, a new story. Thank you for letting walk with you and sharing your hearts...

the moments of our life...

A picnic, trip to the zoo and to top it off, Ben and Jerry's. A flawless day where everything was fun. Didn't even wait for the next shoe to drop, we just flew thru the day, enjoying every Moment.

DH got word today that an old work friend of his, passed. By his own hand. The grapevine says he had personal problems. Something happened and it ahppened fast. Or did it? How much do we really know about each other? Some wear depression like an comfy old suit and you can feel them a mile away. Some, never leave a clue. I only knew him as the guy who would take our old computers and printers are refurbish them for schools. He had left the company a month ago, looking forward to a new job. What happened to bring about this tragedy may never be known.

We each, have to decide whether the moments of our life have value.
We each, have our demons to fight.
We each, will leave a legacy.

Whatever a day in our life brings, we have to make a choice about it. Some days are better than others. Some are so hard, it doesn't seem possible to survive it. For me, I have comet to the conclusion that everything about my life is one day at a time. Today was more than fabulous, tomorrow may be the worst day I could ever imagine. The only difference in either day is my response. The Moments of our lives, are all we have, good or bad, there are all we have...

community...

The other night I was searching the ZD Memorial Library for something familiar to read. Every summer for many years, I would re read Madeleine L'Engle's trilogy, The Crosswicks Journal, especially Book 2, The Summer Of The Great-Grandmother and steep in the magic that is summer. I grabbed it but saw Scott Peck's, A Different Drummer and was drawn in by it.

I struggle with community. I struggle with what it looks like, or what I think it should look like. Deep down, I realize that community does not have a physical address, complete with parking lot and a coffee bar. It is one way but by far, not the only way but I digress.

As I started the book. I soon stripped over a paragraph that explains that community does not come naturally. Somewhere in my learning travels, I picked up the idea that is was natural and that parlayed into a constant guilt trip for not feeling the Love. It just explained so much. I have Moments of Community that make me giddy but perhaps that is not, true community. Willing to take my new acquire knowledge and try again. Not sure what that will look like, at this point. So I am open and looking. It is always about baby steps with me.

Ok, take some time to breathe and regroup. While I love my ipad, reading TSOTGG in paperbook is the only way to go. Out on the swing with a small breeze. Nothing else to think about, doing what comes naturally. Taking it all, one day at a time. Being open to the next step and knowing that is all I have to worry about today...

Little Black Cloud...

Dear Little Black Cloud,

I realize bad is in the world. I realize that by believing in Jesus, that doesn't necessarily change the scenery or the outcome, just the Journey. I fully understand that even if the Big Plan was set out for me, I wouldn't be able to comprehend it. The good and lovely is all fine and well. Can you look at the mountains and wonder how they were made? Or could you see all that the oceans hold and think it happened by accident? It is easy to believe, then. It is when after reading Genesis and we understand where this is all going, that it gets a bit more difficult. Because there are,

bad doctors
bad teachers
bad policemen
bad neighbors
bad coaches
bad preachers
bad friends
bad mothers
bad fathers
and bad people, in general.

It starts not long after the Garden, things start to go way wrong. If you read any news today, you probably heard about a mother whose 2 little sons are dead and it appears to be no accident. All this to say, LBC, go peddle your wares elsewhere. This girl is more than aware of what can go wrong and how quickly it can happen. Unshakable faith is what I am striving for. No raining on my parade today, try as you may. With Jesus, you are either in or out - today, totally in. Also, stay away from those on my mind today. They are covered by the blood of the Lamb too...zalaine.

BFLP, LFBP...

At least once in your life you have the experience of being a big fish in a little pond and going to a little fish in a big pond. This is usually, not voluntary in spirit but necessary because of circumstances beyond our control. Like going from high school to college. You might have had teachers who thought you hung the moon, or were willing to give you many more breaks than you really deserved. Then you get to college, and no one cares. Now you are paying for the opportunity, and it is all up to you. Excuses just don't work anymore.

Maybe you had a job where you were a big, big fish. That job is gone and the next one, not so big. However this looks in your life, it is a humbling experience. The question of why someone would continue to be a movie star politician or a celebrity when there is no longer a need for money, might be explained in this scenario. We don't give up being a big fish easily. Apparently being a big fish, is reward enough.

Sure it feels good, but truthfully, there is no place to go. No place to grow and you always have to be on. When you are a little fish, you blend it and can take in everything around you. Observe and learn with little fanfare or interruption.A little humility never hurt either. Just saying...

flowers...

When someone gives me flowers, it is a big deal. When it comes from my two girls, it is a bigger deal. Miss M handed me a plastic wrapped bouquet of these white daisies with a big smile on her face. Her mommy said they wanted got them because, nana was good to us. Miss M just smiled - they made my day.

None of us do things to get things back. I could buy my own flowers if I wanted to. Maybe I should. Maybe we all should. Every once in a while, a little thank you to yourself. I guess I really think we already do when we justify whatever it is we want Something. When you give someone flowers, it can mean a lot of different things. Men, except for mine, use flowers to say they are sorry. When you are dating, flowers are like the white horse, all romantic and stuff. And when we die, flowers are the send off of choice. BTW, please don't send flowers to my funeral - we are going with a gallery of photos.

These are beautiful, sitting next to my kitchen sink. Looks like they are going to live for a while. 3, my favorite number. I could not be a luckier girl. To be loved is what each of us is looking for every day. When those you love accept you despite your faults and can see pass them to the Love, you are lucky indeed...

like a good neighbor...

I did something today that I have only done once before - met with my insurance agent. That was 20 some years ago. I have issues with insurance and the more I just pay my premiums and don't talk to my agent, the better off we both are. Today was unavoidable. Decisions have to be made and I needed some answers from him.

I understand the need for insurance. What I don't understand is that no matter how property values go down, my homeowners policy has to go up. It has only been this year that I get it about insurance - it is only and I mean only, for disasters. To file a claim is to be avoided at any cost. Your rates will go up and you might even be canceled. Short of a photo of your family with your house on fire in the background because it was struck by lighting, there is little reason to call your agent and ask for help.

What I did learn today is this - the more you have to protect, the more insurance you need. My agent was trying to sell me on more liability coverage in case I do millions of dollars of damage to someone else. If the truth be told, I can't afford enough insurance to protect me against everything that could come my way. He also pointed out that insurance protects your earning potential but he agreed that this close to retirement, that doesn't mean much to us. Let's face it, we don't have a lot to protect.

I have always heard that christianity is God's insurance, fire insurance. The tangible things, He has given us can't be protected or I guarantee you, everyone of us would take out a policy on everyone we love. Insurance doesn't protect the original, all it covers is replacement and we all know, ain't nothing like the Real thing, baby

We tweaked a few things, gambling on a few more and let it go at that. I walked away understanding a bit more of what is important and that fear is a great retail tool ever invented. Don't think I will waste much time tonight worrying about what might happen. I have got a sleepover with a little eight year old and talk about value. We have laughed hard, played every game we could and loved every minute of that. If I could buy a policy that would protect nights like tonight, I would do it in a heartbeat.If there was insurance that would guarantee that I would always have my memories for perfect recall, I would rob a bank to pay the prenium but I know, time is fleeting and as for this very Moment, it gets no better than this...

Christmas in August...

Michael's is the fourth store I have been in since last week to have Christmas already on the shelves. Costco has Halloween and Christmas. If you live in LA or Miami, you are use to a warm Christmas and while it was 95 degrees out today, it is unnatural for us to be shopping for Christmas in shorts and tank tops.

Those who don't have a foot in the Back To School market have to fight for any of the precious dollars that we all are looking to spend in the next 6 months. Times are still tough, I don't believe we are spending so much more than last year at this time. Houses still aren't selling and people are still losing daily, whether it be money, jobs and are having to make hard choices.

Have you got your school supply list yet? The lists are long this year. Imagine every school list will be bigger this year. I commented to one lady that it would be cheaper to buy each one a laptop. Triangle pencils, flash drives and a host of specialized education items. Walmart and Staples are going for it. Back to School deals on clothes are everywhere. No time for Christmas, talk about living in the Moment.

The calendar tells me that school starts in 2 weeks. Still a lot of summer things on our list. A couple of sleepovers, a birthday and a camping trip but there is Something in the air. One moved into her college dorm today. Another is getting ready to start a new life in a new city. Summer 2010 is quickly coming to a close and the lazy, hazy days of summer will start to fade. No longer daylight when I wake up, is just another sign. A way of getting myself ready for my favorite season and nobody and I mean nobody, is going to rush me. Give it your best shot, people - all I can control is myself and that is where I am going to start...

journaling your life...

Even those of us who love words, sometimes are not good at journaling. I have tried at different times of my life to keep a ongoing journaling and have never been successful. I have a church journal that I write in at church. most of the time filling up 5-10 pages. Never at a loss for things to write about and usually about things non-church related. Complete with drawings, quotes and scrapbook ideas - it always amazes me.

A blog may be considered by some, a journal but I am not throughly convinced. I rarely go back and read a post and most days, by noon - couldn't tell you what the post the day before was about. The pictures on the other hand, stay with me for ever.

This photo is not so much about my wonderful bike as my bike liner. Made with lots of love, the Story that goes with it will always be with me because of this photo. I will remember that she made it with her own hands, picking out the perfect fabric without asking because she knew. I didn't even see the dingle balls coming but could not be happier. A gift that I can never repay.

I have lots of photos of different things in my life that I treasure. They remind me that words are not always necessary or needed. A photo can tell a Story, document an event or prove a point.

When words and photos stand alone, their power is single focused. Your eye is directed directly on them. You see what is in front of you. When words and photos mix, your allegiance is divide and you must choose where to go first and second. Add some bold color and you have somewhere else to spread your eye.

If journaling is not your thing and you would like to keep some kind of record, you might check out ohlife.om. They send you a email each evening and all you do is reply and they store it for you. They also remind you of your reply a week earlier. Have been doing it for a few weeks now and it has been fun.

Somedays, it is words and others, it is the photos. There is a place for both and a place for each of them, separately. The pictures frames in my house are filled with photos and just a few words. My layouts are a mix of all three. Years from now, I hope I have left an idea of not only pictures of birthday parties, Christmas and the first day of school but also about the Stories that can only be told in words. It is never too late to start - today is as good as any...

googling my bad self...

I don't know why she came to mind so vividly this weekend. I think about her often, around her birthday, holidays and have so many fond memories. How could you not with a friend that you spent 30 years with? I haven't talked to her in six years and the reasons why are diverse and multiple and I am good with where we are. If she called tomorrow, I would be right there. She will always carry a bit of my heart around with her.

Maybe that is why I smiled when I read on FB from her kids that they were all in town for her dad's 90th birthday. I must have felt her. Do I believe in that kind of thing? Sure do. Hope they had a wonderful time and celebration.

So, we all move on. With the extra time I have, there are lots of things to do - Like Google myself. At least every week for the last 58 years, someone has commented on my name. I use to hate my name. Was determined to change my name to Sally at 18, a name everyone could pronounce correctly but money and laziness set in and zalaine, re named. The Internet makes searching for things just a click away and why I hadn't thought of it before, will remain a mystery but guess what?

I found 2 more Zalaines'. Both on My Space, one is a young 18 year old girl in Zimbabwe and the other one, goes by the name Zalaine Star and has quite the photos on her MS page. Zalaine Star, doesn't that sound so cha cha? I might have to hear that Story. Maybe we should start a club! Seems we are not close to one another so there wouldn't be any mix ups in getting the wrong Zalaine Star. Maybe D would like one of the other Zalaine's. If I ever hear from her again, I'll ask...

4 - 1 = a little sad,,,

A belated anniversary weekend was badly needed for mommy and daddy. The first plan was for poppa and I to go over and spend the night with the kids and Banjo. There was going to be swimming, ice cream and whose knows what else. That plan was in full effect until poppa;s schedule changed and he had to work. I know I am off the wall when he tells me me that his guy had a death in the family and I wondered how to get around it. Was J really that close to his uncle? Feeling a bit ashamed of myself, couldn't help but trying to figure out how not to go to Plan B.

Alas, I came to my senses and thought, we might have to tweek our plans but it would all be fine. When mommy and daddy found out it would be 3 against one, they called for back up. Keaton would go to his other grandma's and then mommy and daddy wouldn't have to worry and could enjoy their weekend. Again, not that it is all about me, but admit that right about now, I am feeling the pain.

Miss M, Gage and I had a great time. There was that headbutting incident but I am fine. Sonic at 9PM, blankets all over the floor and a couple games of UNO - we were good. Invited Grandma and Keaton the movies on Saturday and must say that sitting by my 11 year old for a couple hours, did my heart good. Selena Gomez is cuter than Demi Lovato, which I had guessed was the case and a shoulder to lend him when he needed one.

In the end, everyone got what they needed. A little give and take and less whining would have been nice, but I wasn't ready for that. Maybe, next time...

babies and bathwater...

Short of living in a cave, you have heard it a hundred million times - don't throw out the baby with the bathwater! Usually brought up when one is contemplating giving up or worse, making a bad choice.

If you think about it, it really is creepy. Like the nursery song, Rock A Bye Baby. The words to that song are pretty creepy too. No one who didn't want to be on CNN or Oprah, would never think about throwing a baby out, no less a wet, naked baby. I digress...

Thinking back over the last week and much more, it occurs to me - I have on more than one occasion done just that. Not taking time to see if there was Something of value to keep, I shucked the whole thing in the trash. In any area of my life, I would have to admit whether because of theory or laziness, this has been the case in my life.

Maybe it was Anne Rice or the batch of pictures, it has come to my immediate attention that I have been guilty of throwing that precious baby out with the less than desirable bathwater. It is my black and white personality, come full circle. It is not the way I want to live. It is not the way God would have me live.

Is there be a kinder, gentler me on the horizon? Imagine not but I hope there is one who will take the time to think things through and hold on to the precious baby, in whatever form the little bundle may take...

wade in the water...

Sometimes, we feel the need to wander off. A bit of me time to contemplate Things that are bigger than us. Not looking for answers as much as just being for the sake of being. Those Moments when we just roll up our proverbial pants and test the waters.

Actually, we do it for the ripple. We are held captive by its shape, and how it forms around us. A little movement from us and suddenly, we are surrounded and not sure how it happened. Most of life is this way. We take a chance and without much notice, we are suddenly, surrounded. Sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bit overwhelming. The thing is, maybe we should just stand still and enjoy it. Our pants are already wet and everyone has a few Moments to spare. It reminds us that we are human, mortal and complex. It's also good for the soul...

for the Love of God...

“For those who care, and I understand if you don't: Today I quit being a Christian ... It's simply impossible for me to ‘belong’ to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.”

Rice then added another post explaining her decision on Thursday:

“My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me," Rice wrote. "But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been or might become.”

I don't know much about Anne Rice. I have never read any of her books and didn't even know that she has embraced Christianity. I do, however, understand where she is coming from. Not sure if she what she is leaving is the church or the organization - I'm not sure if I understand the difference between the two.

If you have gone to any church for even a short time, you have undoubtedly had some disagreements with the church. If you have call yourself a christian, you have also more than likely been ashamed of things done in the name of Christ. In both arenas, I have walked away emotionally form both. I understand where Anne Rice's head is.

Speaking of faith, I ran across a little article in the Boise weekly yesterday about a public radio program of the same name. Speaking of Faith has been on the air for 10years and has won a Peabody. The article says the host, Krista Tippets always imagined a radio conversations about the spiritual and intellectual content of faith that could open up imagination and enrich public life. In a interview, she answers questions about how you get those involved who don't like God talk or are unbelievers and atheists, she replies.

... I can have huge discussions about mystery with atheists scientists, who have recently discovered that 70% of everything that's out there is something they are calling "dark energy" because they have no idea what it is. And they use the word mystery with more passion than any religious people I know.
God is a mystery to be lived, not solved. Those who believe that Christ is who He says he is, should be champions of mystery. Embrace those answers will not come this side of heaven and move on to what you can do in the here and now. Christ spoke in parables, he told Stories. He never was a mystery that could be explained if only you prayed hard enough... Anne Rice, where ever your Journey takes you, your faith in Christ goes with you. Traveling mercies, my friend...

Me o'clock...

Sometimes, you have to be your own white knight...Fiona/Burn Notice.

One of my favorite bloggers has been on a weight loss/running Season of her life and has been sharing how it looks to her. Running is not my thing because it is in the exercise family of which I have no natural DNA but it has been watching her grow and stretch but I got a chill that other day when she said something about, this time, it feels different.

The hair on the back of my neck stood straight up and I had a feeling that all might be lost. Don't get me wrong, I wish her the best and I hope I am wrong but my personal experience with TTIFD is that it is the start of a downward spiral.

Well, I've found my moving buddy... Jessie/Toy Story 2. After seeing Buzz in action for the first time.

It is Day 9 for me and my new moving buddy. I bought a new exercise bike and have been on it every day for 7 days, twice a day and the other 2, once. Haven't missed a day. I say new because all the rest of my exercise machine history have been less than ideal. New means no noise and I can get it done at 400am...and have. Having a bit of trouble with tailbone pain but am backing off twice a day until I get the pain under control.

Will I do it every day for the rest of my life? I hope so but will not say the dread TTIFD. I have learned that it is one day at a time for me in almost..no, all areas of my life. I could slip at any moment. Do I feel better? Absolutely. Feel a difference in my shorts? Maybe a tiny bit. Is that enough to keep me going? I imagine not. Time will tell, Smart enough to know that for me, this time it feels different is for a day and a day, only

long pants, short attention spans...

A little impromptu photo session on a Sunday night... sounded doable. Considered a
few woodsy places before heading out to the lake where we had been so successful before.

Some 300 photos later, looks like we may have a few keepers. Trying to get three kids to look at you, all at the same time is quite the feat. Too many distractions and with 90 degree weather and long pants...well, you get the picture.

Add in some internet issues and you have a full day. Some days are like that. Your eye may be on the prize but it is wandering quite a bit. Like when you are headed to a room and by the time you get there, you don't remember why you were there. DH's attention span is never shorter than at a stoplight. He will readily admit to this shortcoming and just works around it.

As for me, it looks like a checkerboard. Always jumping over something to get to the next thing. Rarely is my mind still, and never happier than when it is jumping mental hurdles.

So I got quite the thinking work out last night with these three. They keep me on my toes and ready for more. You would never get me in long pants in August but other than that, I am so with their short attention spans ...what was I saying?