layla grace...

Christie took beautiful pictures that day. Pictures that I will cherish the rest of my life. Not pictures I will walk by and glance at; pictures that will remind me of the last “good” day we had with Layla. The last day she was able to lift her head up without crying. The last day she was able to sit up and read a book. The last day she smiled layla grace.org.

I heard Layla Grace's Story 2 days ago. Through Stellan's mom, she asked for prayer for this beautiful child and her family. The blog posting tonight included the family photo shoot taken a few days ago. On Twitter, today was her sister Jenna's birthday. Her mom thought she held on for her sister. Tonight Layla Grace's sister told her goodbye and are going to their grandma's house for a couple days.

I had a hardtime sleeping last nigh. Tossing and turning, bad dreams and a fear level that only comes with the dark of night. I thought about Layla Grace. Quite truthfully, I didn't turn my computer on for a long while today. I didn't want to know that she was gone. I thought about her grandmother. Taking care of her 2 granddaughters would certainly be where she was needed but that meant that she too had to say her goodbyes to her granddaughter, knowing the end is near. I can't imagine how strong they have had to be for the girls and for each other.

But it is not just for this family. There are many more who have been told, to say their goodbyes. Even as she watches her own little girl slip away - Layla's mom is praying for other families who are in the same place she and her family find themselves. Stellan was here. He literally died on the table on his way into surgery ...and somehow, he now is cured. Completely and totally. I remember being in this same place with Stellan and while I came to Layla's Story late in the game, it feels the same as Stellan's.

What will tomorrow bring? For Miss Layla Grace, her family, you and me? Where will we be in the things that pain our hearts. You don't have to have a child with terminal cancer in the last hours of life to see you need a Savior. One who won't make the pain go away but will be there to hold your hand when you world falls apart. And if by chance you pull a Stellan, that same Hand is there to pull you up and help you land on your feet. The constant is not the circumstance but the Hand. It always is the Hand...

prodigal son...

The Story of the Prodigal Son may be my very favorite. It is has been running through my head, saturating my thoughts for a few days and shows no signs of leaving soon.

It is true for each of us that either we have felt like the son, the brother or the parent. Maybe you can identify with all three. No matter what your life experience, you know the score.

If you know the Story as the son, you know what it is to eat with pigs. You have scrapped the bottom of the barrel and may still be there. You may have stayed in those conditions for a long time because of pride, or fear. You have lied, squandered and have shown no regard for life, either yours or anyone else's. You get to pick you can head home, it is and always has been up to you.

If you have walked in the shoes of the elder brother, you have known the greatest unfairness man has imagined himself to suffer. Your earlier cousins, Cain and Abel suffered tragically. What is the point? you ask if effort isn't considered and respected. Why must I always be the bigger person? It is just so unfair.

If you can identify as the Parent, you are just trying to save your child. Fair and unfair isn't even part of your thinking process. What parent would not run with open arms and celebrate with the child who has come Home?

It is a Story of redemption.
It is a Story we will all experience during our lifetime.
It is a Story that tells a multi dimensional Story to a one dimensional people.

Don't get stuck in either the son or brother's perspective but go back to the Father. The answer for any understanding lies in the Father's Love. It always does...

forward thinking...

Amazon's dominance of the fledgling e-book market will be relatively short-lived. For while sales of digital books are growing, so too are the devices on which to read them. With Apple's iPad heading to market this spring and a rumored Google tablet some time after that, Amazon is going to have a tough time holding on to the 90 percent share of the e-book market it currently claims.

According to Credit Suisse analyst Spencer Wang, the retailer will likely see its e-book market share slip from 90 percent to 72 percent this year and to 35 percent by 2015 Cnet.

We are by nature a forward thinking people. From wherever our perspective starts, it is our belief that while there may be a few steps backwards, for the majority of the time we expect to keep moving forward. After all, our greatest role model is age. No one has been able to reverse the aging process although a few, with enough money - have made it appear that you can stop and hold the whole process.

Look at our 401K. Before the fall of 2008, who really thought that any one of us could lose that much money so fast? Imagine if your income had the future that Amazon is facing. It is a new way of looking at our future. The times, they are a changing. Constant change is the new normal. In some cases, I think it has been for a long time - we just weren't able to see that.

Still with all that in mind, you have to have a Plan. DH and I talked about his retirement last night again and are looking at Jan 1, 2012. Retirement used to look very far away - not so much now. We have a lot to get done before that date but we are headed that way, cautiously optimistic that it will be doable but well understanding that those plans could change in a heartbeat. Forward thinking with a eye on the Big Picture - it is the only way to live that makes sense right now...

dr D...

Easily the most embarrassing, ridiculous thing I have ever said...

Background though-- when going into a patient's room, I usually ask the accompanying adult or adults how they are related. "Are you mom and dad?" Often they will correct me and say, "I am grandma, and that is my boyfriend." Or something along those lines. Never, ever assume.

So, I was called to a delivery, in broad daylight mind you, of a full term infant whose heart tones were down during labor. By the time I arrived, the mother screamed and pushed one more time, catapulting her son into the ecstasy of breathing air. Crying, pink and beautiful. I cleaned him off and flicked his feet to make him scream. Apgars 8,9. I never give 10's. But that is a story for another day.

Then, I went over to the sweating, out-of-breath woman spread eagle in the hospital bed:

"Congratulations! Are you mom?"

And before the words got past the tips of my teeth, I knew I was a complete idiot. But they sprayed out like silly spray. The Obstetrician, stitching her up at the end of the bed, cocked his head at me, "Really?"

There is no coming back from that.www.6yearmed.com


This is why I love Dr D.
As one on Twitter commented, she is a writer disguised as a doctor.
I can so relate with Foot In Mouth Syndrome,
can't wait for the Next One.
Mine, not hers...

swingset 1.0...

Hello, my name is Keaton Smith. I am calling you today to ask if you would like to take part in the Smith Family Fundraiser. The money that we are trying to raise will go towards a new swing set for your darling grandchildren. We are not asking for just a donation, but are seeking employment to earn money. Do you currently have any unfinished projects around your house that we all could help you complete? We have on staff, three children and two adults. Our family of five are committed to making sure that you are 100% satisfied with our workmanship. If you are not satisfied with our work, we will not accept your payment. We will not accept payment until all of our projects are completed. We are skilled in the following areas: Cleaning, mowing lawns, organizing, painting, heavy lifting, yard work (mowing), dusting, hanging pictures, contact paper installment, computer repair, garage cleaning, and other chores as needed. Picture yourself at a getaway complete with massage and manicure (at your expense of course) while we take care of everything at home. Our availability is very flexible and we travel up to 50 miles. Our main goal is to leave our customers less stressed at the end of their day and to finish those projects that have been waiting to be fixed, leaving you with more time for activities such as skiing, backpacking, and skateboarding. Or perhaps, you will find yourself with enough extra time to pick up a new hobby, such as skydiving. If you are interested, please get back with us with a list of projects you wish us to begin working on as we have to match the job with the appropriate person on staff according to their skill set. Can we count on your participation?

They desperately need a new swing set.
Summer is coming and theirs is past unsafe.
Never underestimate the ability of the human spirit to persevere.
I couldn't get my wallet out fast enough...

This is a big deal. They are all wanting to work for any donations from both of their grandparental units. I have to come up lists for each one, according to their personal abilities. When they are on their swing set this summer, they will each be able to take satisfaction in their own particular contributions to this project.

They already have money in their account for the wonderful idea and presentation. First, a personal phone call with Keaton reading the proposal to me. I was laughing so hard and so proud at the same time Then the written presentation - I like to think they got their talent from me. Popa was almost in tears, he loved it too. I can't wait to have them over and document this fabulous Story for all of us. I am so proud of them, I am bursting at the seams.

It will be a grand day when we bring home the 5 big boxes from Costco and as we help build it, we all will rememeber that is started with the idea that hard work isn't for other people. If you want Something, you need to pony up and be willing to do your part. I am so happy to be a part of such a wonderful project. I will remember this Moment forever, and so will they...

random thoughts...

Miss Wendy has it right. On blog posts, she admits - They all aren't gems. Some days, you have a theme or single focus and somedays, like today - I am all over the place. Admittedly, this is not where I am the most comfortable, but realized that this is also a big part of the Process, so these are a few gems running thru my mind today.

I am thankful that I live in a free country but innocent until proven guilty, is a legal not a moral law.

Should Life imitate the Olympic Games? It doesn't matter what you have done before or after, all that matters is what you do in the Moment.

Maybe we should adopt the theory of the Statute of Limitations for our thought processes for good mental health.

Life is good, life is sweet, life is delicious, except on days it is not.

Wendy, you are so right. They certainly are not all gems but knowing that makes it somehow easier to accept and move on. Good words...

dare to dream...

We spent President's Day out doing unpresidential stuff. First, Princess and the Frog and then a bit of window shopping. I look at this and years from now wonder about Grandma Morgan.

Now that I think about it, Morgan is a very good grandma name. I already can see how she will huddle her little ones together and tell them about her life as a little girl. She will be detailed in telling her tale and will take questions when asked, one at a time. I thought of her and her grandkids today and I hope when they see this, they get a good idea of her character and her capacity to love.

From Grandpa Keaton's point of view, they will see what we all see. Always willing to accept a hug from his sister even in a public place. They will long have known his heart, his gentleness and his love. Definitely his love.

Gage's grandkids will not be surprised that he is not in middle of a sibling love fest. His ability to to love can be overwhelming but is at its best in a one on one basis. When they look at this photo, they will already have experienced his intentness at one of their sleepovers. Or on one of their camping trips.

If you have never thought about your family in an extended fashion, I encourage you to give it a try. It is living in the Moment in a different way. You acknowledge people you will never meet but can love nevertheless. It gets you out of your head and to another Place, deep within yourself. It is a nice time with the freedom to pray for the next generation. A time for every Season and to be able to be apart of it. A time to pray for Love, Wonderment and the Bigger Picture in the freedom that is totally ours...

temporary...

I don't mind being a temp, she told me. It reminds me of my priorities. StoryPeople.

What an interesting perspective. We are only here for a short time, no matter what your belief system is. That is a cold, hard fact. If you consider yourself, just passing through - it will make a difference how you live your life. If you think, this is all there is, it will also be reflected in every choice you make. I have lived in both camps but associate more closely with the Short Time camp. I am choosing to believe that this is not all there is, there is more coming. When I lived in the other camp, my thoughts and feelings were completely different. A Place for Everything and Everything in its Place. Denial be dammed, press ahead and go for the gusto. GRAB THE GOLDEN RING! You only have this one chance.

Every time we make a choice, what we choose will depend on which camp we most closely resemble. Every time Something Bad happens, how we react - will be determined by our belief that this life is temporary or all there is. I am grateful that I have been able to experience both ways of thinking - it gives me a equal perspective, a more balanced way of living my life. Again, it very rarely gets any better than that.

I heart u...

Stopped at a red light on Valentine's Day, really - does it get any clearer than that?. There could be all kinds of explanations, very good ones. Maybe the Boy got up early and wanted to impress the Girl. Maybe the Girl wanted the world to know how she felt about the Boy. Maybe and just maybe, it had Nothing to do with the Boy or Girl.

What if God's plan for you was pancreatic cancer...Dr Tremper Longman. Got a sampler of small group studies with Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz) and assorted guests and less than 5 minutes in, I knew these would be a must to have. Frank discussions about God and the church. Learning to look at Him in a different light with a renewed perspective. Not being able to explain why God anything and being good with that. Realizing that nothing can be explained this side of heaven, that there will be times of sadness mixed with joy. Unexplainable, we do each other a disservice when we try to, when any answer is better than no answer. When you are ashamed that you can explain/defend/protect God. He doesn't need our help - He can speak for himself. The disservice comes when we aren't good with not being able to give firm, specific answers to life's most difficult questions about the what and whys of life.

What I don't know?
why bad things to good people
why pray if it isn't going to affect the outcome
why is God's Story so opposite to what makes sense.

What I do know!
answers to many questions are time delayed, don't waste any more time trying to figure things out that are unfigureoutable (?)
if you are just praying for outcome, you are missing out on the great Joy of just sitting on God's lap.
stories have many twists and turns. not until the story is done, do you see the whole picture. commit to seeing the story through, through the good and the bad, the explainable and the unexplained. Love Out Loud.

Looking forward to learning more and more about less and less. The less I need to know, the more I see. Sometimes, it even comes next to you in the middle of traffic when you least expect it. Eyes open, hearts clear...

Love...

Instructions from Gage's teacher, paraphrased - Go home, build your own Valentine Box. There will be a prize for the best one. This is where Real Life shows up very quickly. There is a slideshow of photos I could show you. The small scale model of the house from Up, complete with helium balloons. Or the not so scale doll house covered in Conversation Hearts. If these kids build these boxes themselves, they belong at MIT. Gage LOVED his pirate ship until he walked into class and saw Those Who Wanted To Win At Any Cost. Welcome to Real Life. Someone will always have more than you. Always. Either by ill or air gotten gains and there will always be those who have less. As I was leaving the classroom, I saw one girl whose bag was a simple white lunch bag with her name, H***** ROCKS. I imagine she had some acute Moments that day. The epilogue to this Story - Everyone got a big paper award taped to their box with Someone unique, just about them. Don't know if the teacher is an genius or just got lucky.

It is a retailer's lifeline. With sluggish Christmas sales, they know there is potential goldmine in less than 6 weeks with assorted Valentine sales. From sweets, to flowers and just about anything anyone can purchase to show their undying Love. Add to that all the school parties with Valentine's and snacks and you have yourself a heap of ways to sweeten the Money Pot. When asked what I might expect for the Big Day, the answer was - Anything You Want. He means it, not one to ponder his love for me - I could ask for most anything and get it. He is very good to me.

I don't want anything. I have someone to hug tomorrow morning and there is no price you can put on that. Later in the morning, there will be three more hugs and kisses and that is more than enough for me.

I hope you all feel the Love today. Maybe it won't look exactly like the Hallmark model, make it your own. Maybe a pet or a friend. Be creative. If you lost your Valentine this year, embrace their memory and be thankful for the Love you did have.

No matter how you spend your day, remember it is only 24 hours long and then we all go back to Normal Life. Grab a little chocolate for yourself and find the Love, with the Life you have...

listen carefully...

It started out slowly, then more and more. Sirens in a succession of harmonius wails. Firmly entrenched in my blog reading, slow to notice but then the rising pitch grabs your attention and sounds like a symphony of sirens.They seem to be blasting in HD from all different directions, all at the same time, heading to the same place.

You take a few seconds and then realize, where ever they are going, you will know about on the news at noon. Sounds like all of our city's finest are on their way to save the day. I hope they can.

As I continue to listen for the different pitches and musical riffs, I can tell that fire, ambulance and police cars will soon be emerging on a scene. While ambulance chasing is in my blood in my younger days, now I prefer to drop what I am doing and pray.

I pray for those who needed the help, those giving the help and those on the road, to get out of the way. Seconds count and if help was on it's way to someone in your family, I imagine you would want them to get there as fast as they could,

It is completely quiet now. Quiet and eery.

Did they get there in time? Is everyone alright? Is it my family? Is it one of the responders family?

Yesterday not far from DD's house, a young father picked up his 8 month old baby from his estranged wife for the day. He called her throughout the day, threatening to end his life. Late in the evening, the police did a welfare check and found the father had ended his and his baby's life. May God have mercy on them.

This is the world we live it. Some days are better than others. Most days, it will be Somebody else's turn but Someday, one day - it will be our turn. The call will come and tragedy will knock on our door.

Here's the thing. When it is my turn, I would love to think that there were those who heard the ambulances and responders and started praying immediately for all of us. I would to also think that they continued to pray when it got quiet and scary. Especially then. For all those involved and those who be become involved, involuntarily.

It is still quiet. No repeating sounds of medical rescue heading back to the hospital. I hope that is a good sign. Would love if there was a All Clear noise, Thank you - all is good, Nothing to see here...

Back to my blog reading. So until the next time...and there will be a next time because we live in this world, for now. The noise will continue, the grief will continue and we do what we can...

theology...

Religion says, You need to go to church every weekend and on Wednesday night too.
Jesus says, You are the church and wherever you go, I am with you always.Religion says, You must give at least 10% of your income to church because God needs your money.
Jesus says, I want 100% of your heart and sometimes a portion of that heart lives in your wallet.

Religion says, You need to get yourself cleaned up and put on your Sunday best for God!
Jesus says, God has seen you on the toilet and much worse than that - no need for a show.

Religion says, You don’t have enough faith - you haven’t done enough works - you’ll never be enough.
Jesus says, I am the King of Kings and you are my son or daughter. You are Royalty and that’s plenty...Pastor Ryan

If you cruise Pioneer's Woman Cooking site, you have probably seen Pastor Ryan in her kitchen. This man of God with gorgeous tattoos cutting food, is a beautiful thing. His wife and children round him out and keep him sane. His photography is great and he taught me the very best way to cook bacon. For that alone, I will be forever grateful.

If what he says about religion and Jesus is the least bit confusing, you need to hear his words. If you lumps religion and Jesus together, do yourself a favor, STOP IT NOW. Let yesterday be the last time these two were the same thing in your mind and heart. Today is the first day of the rest of your Jesus life - leave religion in the dust, literally.

We all have so much noise around us in the form of what we should do and how we should do it and at times, it makes us dig i with our heels and refuse to do anything. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Don't just take my word for it - ask Him. He will make it Real. While the separating of the two may seem difficult, after you make the intial switch, everything else will fall into place. It will make sense, forever.

No more secondguessing yourself or others. Wrap yourself around Jesus and don't worry about religion. Once you know the difference, the rest is a Journey of growing, loving and more growing.

Now, shake it off and get on with your life. Take a step and prepare to soar...

sometimes, you get lucky...

As I waited for my lunch date yesterday, I pulled out my camera to see if I could make lemonade from lemons. Placed in a booth that was not photo friendly, I decided to make the best of it, certain that I couldn't shoot anything worth keeping. With that attitude and because the only option was to shoot up, I started with the window right next to me.

Trying to see past all the the reasons why it was a lost cause to shoot, all I could see were the the things that would get in the way. Always try to take at least one keeper when at the Brick, just one. I shot a few, trying to shoot around people and room dividers and high chairs. My lunch date showed up and the picture thing left my mind. Forgot about it until I got home.

Went through 5 photos and came to this one. SOOC with a little brightness and sunflare. I was in love. It made my day and changed my attitude. There were even a few others that I didn't see as potential keepers but with a little bit of work, will make the Life folder.

Starting last month, I had designated a photo Life folder. No people, just slices of Life, Reminders of how Life really is versus how I see it sometimes. If it is true that Sometimes you just get lucky, it is also true that Sometimes, you make your own luck but aren't smart enough to know it...

Who Dat?

There isn't a soul alive that doesn't appreciate David and Goliath Story. The Story where the underdog doesn't just squeak by but win BIG.

Most underdog Stories are not instant. There is build up, thee is hype. There is smack talk and predictions of, Ain't never gonna happen. Happened to David, Job and more than a few more. We all have these kind of Stories in our circles of familiarity. We can access them off our human hard drive anytime, anywhere.

Because of all the loss in New Orleans, this win did and will continue to bring victorious Stories to their dinner tables and places of work. There will be dancing in the streets all night long. These times make our hearts fill like they will burst. Maybe it is a silly old football game but the Story is universal and because of that, even the Colts while disappointed, have to admit if they had to lose to someone, the David Saints would be that tea,

Who Dat in your own life? I think about Haiti and truthfully, have little hope that it will ever return to the terrifying state it was in before the earthquake. Today, I am reminded to never give up. There is another Who Dat? right around the corner. Just have to remember that and be ready to let the happiness rip...

natural light...

Light is to photographs what water is to a garden. Without it you have no photograph, as anyone who's tried to coerce a picture out of a low light situation knows.
It seems we can work with the light or against it. Jefra Starr Lynn

light defines shape and form. Without it you have no picture
Almost 5 years ago. Taking pictures of the kids for Miss M's birth announcement. Had read some photo blogs about natural light, putting people by an open window, It was April and because of the cold weather, we had to shoot inside. We took all kinds of pictures and conbimations that day and it wasn't until I got home and downloaded my SD card, that I understand what they had been talking about. It was a picture of the boys, dressed in their big brother finest and that light falling on them by that window - I immediately fell in love with natural light. It would take a bit more trial and error to know that I never wanted to be a studio photographer and only now do it when forced. Natural light all the way for me, baby.

Now. take it one step farther. Natural light is all around us. In Real Life. If you pay close attention, you can see it all around you. In a different form. A Light of a different sort. I realized that this morning that the Natural Light draws me in. It is the Shiny that I chase. My perception is we all chase Shiny but it looks different to each of us. Shiny can be a negative or positive, we get to choose what we chase and that choice determines whether it is good or bad for us. Can Natural Light be bad? I think not. Natural Dark, definitely but not Light. By nature, dark prefer to stay hidden and loves the cover of invisible. I lived in Natural Dark for the first 20 years of my life and I can tell you, the two are like apples and oranges. Imagine trying to take a photo in Natural Dark?

One of my choices for the year was to start taking more photo journalist type photos. Emotions, laughter, tears, the non-documentary photos. I am still documenting my family's photos - I want the kids to see everything about their lives but I am also going for the Love, the Natural Light, if you will. So far, it has been a wonderful year.

what are you saving?

Who will save book publishing?

What will save the newspapers?

What means 'save'?

If by save you mean, "what will keep things just as they are?" then the answer is nothing will. It's over.

If by save you mean, "who will keep the jobs of the pressmen and the delivery guys and the squadrons of accountants and box makers and transshippers and bookstore buyers and assistant editors and coffee boys," then the answer is still nothing will. Not the Kindle, not the iPad, not an act of Congress.

We need to get past this idea of saving, because the status quo is leaving the building, and quickly. Not just in print of course, but in your industry too.

If you want to know who will save the joy of reading something funny, or the leverage of acting on fresh news or the importance of allowing yourself to be changed by something in a book, then don't worry. It doesn't need saving. In fact, this is the moment when we can figure out how to increase those benefits by a factor of ten, precisely because we don't have to spend a lot of resources on the saving part. Seth Godin...

So in Real Life, what are you saving? What are you spending lot of resources on that you don't need to? What is sucking up your energy as you hold on to it so obsessively that you feel will kill you if you let go... The truth is just the opposite.

It doesn't need saving...

Wow, don't know about you but there are a few things in my Save folder that need to go. Seth talks about about business and marketing but I got to tell you, he always goes straight to my heart. Thanks again Seth. God works in mysterious ways, never doubt it...

Ballet Idaho...

DD, Miss M and I attended Cinderella, The Short Version last night. It was my first ballet and 45 minutes was just perfect. Unless Miss M goes into professional dance, it will be my first and last ballet. Not my cup of tea but watching all the little girls in the audience, staring at the ballerinas was worth every minute.

Did you know that Cinderella is a rather new ballet and that when it was brought to America from Russia, the Powers That Be decided there were no ugly ballerinas so they cast men in the roles of the Stepsisters. I loved the Stepsisters! I wanted to get their pictures and because the young audience was 1. scared of them and 2. wanted to meet Cinderella, their lost was my gain. Teenage boys in high heels and pink wigs. I couldn't even get Miss M to walk over with me despite the fact that could also have giving out makeup tips.

Too bad I had to wait 58 years to see a ballet. Loved watching their toes and the way Cinderella could position her leg was almost scary. Good thing I knew the Story, without dialogue one could get lost with all the kicks and jumping.

A wonderful time with my girls, I would go anywhere to share that, even the ballet...

The truth is...

NEW YORK - The debate over international adoption, already a bitter one, has intensified in the aftermath of Haiti's earthquake and the arrest of 10 Americans for trying to take children out of the devastated country without permission.

"It was a critical mistake — the Haitian government has been very clear they did not want any children leaving without its express permission," Johnson said Monday. "Maybe the Americans thought they were helping 33 kids, but now there's going to be a much slower process and maybe even a ban on future adoptions — and that would be a tragedy."

Five of the ten people arrested come from a church not far from me. I have passed it hundreds of times on the way to see my kids. I watched it being built on a empty land, brick by brick. I saw its parking lot full and empty. Like most churches, it is only used a few hours a week. You wonder how much trouble they could really get into. Now we know.

When the news first broke, I remember reading an article asking one of the ladies if they had the permission of the Haitian government to take the 33 kids out of the country and her answer was...God told me to do it. Personally, I took that as a NO. When someone feels that God told them to do Something, it can look like Nothing matters but that very fact. It has made more than one do crazy things because of their belief that what God told them to do, no matter what - was the right course of action.

What is the truth? Did God tell them to take 33 kids illegally out of the country to save their physical souls? At least 2 of the kids told them they had parents and they were told they were going to some kind of camp, so they went with them. What does God tell us and when do we do it? When do we start to bend the rules, whether they be those of a country or of a child. When does lying seem to be justified. When was it left to us to cure the world, at any cost? When is stepping out of bounds for God, ok?

My prayers for these 10 people are not to be successful in Haiti. Nor that they are allowed to be martyrs for adoption rights. My prayers for them is to come home, get their heads out of their assumed cause and understand they can't save everybody. Child trafficking is child trafficking. Haiti has enough issues right now without having to deal with child trafficking whether intentions are good or sinister, which they are both having to deal with. We are an impatient people and that has goteen us into trouble, more than once. Justice moves too slow so we take matters into our own hands. God's time is not our time may be one of the hardest concepts for us to grasp. We see so much that needs to be done. The truth is, this side of heaven it will always, always be this way. If you need something to accept and pray about, pray about that...

The honeymoon...

You don't have to be married to experience a honeymoon. We all experience it in many different ways. Miss M's first ballet lessons was last Thursday and she could not have been happier. She couldn't wait to get there and loved her teacher and that Miss A, her friend was in the same class. Somewhere over the moon, would best describe her where her head is right now.

Right now, we as a country have been in a honeymoon phase with the people in Haiti. We have spent money, time and prayer - nothing seemed to be too much to ask. That is no longer the case, the US had suspended all medical evacuations from Haiti. We can no longer keep up and have no more resources to help in that way. Less than 3 weeks, right in the ballpark that I imagined.

With Haiti, the honeymoon is coming to an end. Sometimes we jump from disaster to disaster and since there has not been another event to move our emotions to, we experience mental/emotional/burn out memories and are ready to move on. It is the human way. Like it or not, that is the way we roll.

I am in the middle of reading Game Change, which covers the 2008 elections. There is a even a honeymoon phase with those we choose to elect to represent us and when we no longer feel the Love, it is over. No amount of flowers or candy can bring it back for any candidate. That Barack Obama won the presidential race is amazing. That Scott Brown won Ted Kennedy's seat in the Senate a year later, is is even more amazing. We have short memories and act on the shiny that is currently in front of us, whatever that looks like.

I love being in the honeymoon phase whenever I find myself there. Whether a book, a movie, an idea or a revelation - it takes me to a Place where everything is wonderful and my personal anthem is Kumbaya...at least for a while.

Miss M may spend quite a while in her ballet honeymoon stage. She has been smitten for a long time and sometimes, it takes a while to make the shiny seem well, less shiny. I bought myself a Nook for Christmas, had it less than 2 weeks and it started freezing up. Thank goodness for Google, I am not the only one. I returned it Friday night and am again, ereaderless. Short honeymoon, when things go wrong so fast, it wasn't meant to be. Healed and ready to get out there again. We are also a resilient people at times. Love that about us!

As of 8AM, February 1, MSNBC is reporting that President Obama has reversed the US position and will started airlifting Haiit's earthquake victims for medical care to the US starting Monday.

deja you...

At the end of the day, when all has been said and done, it comes down to you. What you think and believe and how you live that out. Do you choose to be all you can be, do you do the Right Thing and do you show up, ready to participate?

Do you contribute or do you suck the life out? What is your motivation to get out of bed every day? Do you think about the future or are stuck in the past?

Do you feel sorry for yourself or do you think you are the most blessed person alive? What do you say to yourself and what do you really mean? Can it always be everyone else or could it be me? What do I believe in enough to change? What in my life is non negotiable? What needs to change and I am dragging my feet at the thought of it? What am I going to do tomorrow? What did I do today?

Take a good look in the mirror. Until you learn to love the person you see, not much will change. Until you learn to see yourself the way God sees you, flaws and all, you won't be much good to anyone else. Until you accept that you are human, no human behavior will ever make sense and you will continue to insist that it does, somehow. Do yourself a favor - take a long, long look and learn to Love. Look at all the bumps and bruises. Look at everything, even if you can't find anything to love, feel good or proud of. Especially if you can't find anything, start now. The problem and solution are you. Fix this flawed vies of yourself, it will do you and everyone else, a world of good...

This is it...

We all make hundreds or choices a day. Most of them, we are unaware of. Some take some thought, because of potential conflict in consequences and a few, take a great deal of thought and no matter what we choose, lasts a lifetime.


I have had to make this choice three times in my life, twice in the last 2 months. . Found out Monday night that DH's uncle who passed away last week, was to be laid to rest on Wednesday. I physically cringed when I got the call. I had something on the calendar for several weeks that I could not miss. Keaton is to going to receive a reward. He asked if I would be there - haven't missed one yet.

You bet Son, I will be there.

I talked to DH and he said Go, it is my family - I will take go. In my heart, I knew what I had to do. My reference points for any given day is, At the end of day, what can I live with?. For many reason, I will be at Chief Joseph tomorrow while my husband is at his uncle's funeral. If you know my Story, you know this is tough because the same thing happened when my MIL passed away and I felt and feel so bad about leaving him to bury his mother. That was also a no-brainer - my daughter was 9 months pregnant and having unrelated major surgery which could have brought on Gage's arrival. I will live with some guilt for not being there for my husband but wouldn't have done anything differently. I could not have lived with myself if I had made a different choic.e

So we went to Uncle Elbert's viewing tonight and I spent time with the family. I came home and a small sense of peace fell over me. I had rented Micheal Jackson's, This Is It earlier in the day, not knowing if we would get to it but ready just in case. I spent the next 2 hours on the edge of my seat. I echo a friend's observation about missing it when it was in theatres... I could kick myself for not going. I felt the same way and couldn't wait for the video to come out.

It brought not only a wonderful, magical musical Journey but a huge peace hovered and landed over my soul. Life is short, Life is precious and we have to embrace every moment. I hope no one finds himself in this position but if you do, remember -This Is It and do what you can live with because you will, for the rest of your life...

the whole enchilada...

Caldwell School District officials in southwest Idaho say a teacher's multiple DUIs that include a felony conviction do not affect his ability to do his job.

Fifty-three-year-old Jon Kelpin teaches U.S. History at Caldwell High School, where he's taught for 26 years.

Kelpin has three DUI's in the last three years. His driver's license has been suspended for three years and he's in the custody of Canyon County's work-release program, which allows him to leave during the day to teach.

School District spokeswoman Jennifer Swindell says the district determined Kelpin is not endangering children and so chose to keep him employed at the district.
KTVB.com

Just had a teacher let go at K's school for a second offense of a much lessor nature. Since it happened at the beginning of Christmas break, parents had time to talk to their kids and when they got back to school, there must have been more discussions when the official school policy was, the teacher had decided to resign and move closer to family. The whole arrest had already been in the paper and on the news and it would have been hard to miss even with the hustle and bustle of the holidays.

The Caldwell School District response is one we are all quite use to. Politics, government, movie starts. When someone expresses bad/unacceptable behavior - we talk about this other side of the same person who appears to be not only normal but most times - somewhat of a hero. This bad behavior won't get in the way of the good behavior. Like we turn off parts of ourselves with magical switches.

I don't care who you are. If you have been caught 3 times in 3 years for the same offense - you have done it 60 times without being caught. In the case of drinking, do you really think his good behavior is good enough to teach a class? Lets' be less selfish, he goes from jail to school and then back to jail. How much rehab is he getting? Wouldn't full time rehab be a better choice?

We can't section off parts of ourselves and go on. We are the whole enchilada and if one part is bad, time to start over. Time to make a new one. A better one. Don't cut around the bad parts and continue to serve it. The folks in Caldwell are doing a disservice to the teacher and the students. They need to get the teacher out of the class room and give the kids a new start. Anything less is just criminal...

attachment...

The way Obama connects to people is the opposite of a Clinton, a Bush, or a Ronald Reagan. Those presidents were all relaters. They bonded with people based on common feelings, experiences, and interests. Reagan did this best through the medium of television. Bush did it best in person. Clinton could do it blindfolded and hanging upside down. For all three, connecting emotionally was part and parcel of their political skill. As a result, people tended to love them or hate them, without much neutral ground in between. Jacob Weisburg, Newsweek.

As I was reading this piece, I immediately wondered which camp I would be in. I only wondered if the camp I would place myself in was the same one others would put me in. Imagine myself more like Obama that Clinton at least 1/2 of the time. I don't imagine that warm fuzzies is the first thing someone thinks about when they meet me. What would those who know and love me say and would they be truthful?

If being able to connect emotionally to someone is only about political skill, then I am not interested but I think it is more than that. In Real Life, whether someone thinks you are approachable is a big deal especially if you are on the unemotional side. On the other hand, someone who feels like a door mat a mile away is a good reason to run away and quickly.

I want to live in the middle with 90% of the people I come into contact with and with the other 10% of my homies, be all the way there. Even Jesus had a caste system with the people around Him. We all need to have a layer of humanness but ideally, not run either warm or cold.

I like our current president's coolness. You can hear his voice rise in irritating or empathy. Warm or not, the last two president's warmness was lost on me. Which would I prefer to be and where am I in reality.

Whether you are the president or not, it is good to get some honesty feedback and if possible, do a bit of rearranging. It never hurts to improve and sometimes it only takes a bit of reflection and if that isn't what January is all about - I don't know what is...

a new baby...

I knew it was going to happen.
Actually, I thought it would have happened by now.
All the women in our family have wanted a baby sister or brother.
I can remember wanting one
and DD, wanting one even more.

Morgan wants a new baby in the family. Doesn't care if it is a girl or boy, she just wants a baby. This is how serious she is - she is praying for one now. Every night, her focus is straight and narrow. Her friend has a baby sister and since they have been hanging out every week at each other's house and Miss M has got to play with Baby Grace, this is something that Morgan can see happening for reals. What frightens me is that I still think about Zander. Morgan would have been Zander, had she been a boy and I suggested Zander could also be a girl name but it was not to be. Zander is a family name from my SIL's side but I love it. In fact, it was my suggestion and I even thought it would be a good girl name but alas, our girl name was already chosen.

Do you think it is wrong of some of us to pray against her? I am never comfortable praying against a child. Just seems wrong and has defeat written all over it. I think I can safely say that she is alone in this prayer. The boys have to share a room with no end in sight, not looking for someone else to house. I am going to say while Mommy and Daddy have huge hearts,the family wallet, like all of us - is being pushed and pulled already.

I love what her mommy told her. If God wants us to have a baby, He will send one. Morgan knows all about prayer and God and this is probably a great assurance to her while I nervously wait in the wings. She is a strong girl and doesn't give up easy. Wonder where she gets that from? Her future husband better be careful (H, this means you? I was told yesterday, you are her only choice! Sorry, will try to help as much as we can)

I understand her desire.
I appreciate all the Love she has to give,
I am also, scared of her prayer.

Prayer is powerful. It often doesn't end like we think and in this case, results are everything. Instead of praying against her, maybe I will pray for her big heart and something for her to Love of a less human nature. Either that or we are going on a Big Adventure...

torn...

The photos from Haiti are haunting...Michelle Obama
The people of Haiti want you to know they are not photo ops...Wycleff Jean

Beside the raging infection screaming through my every route in my body, this week has me a bit weary. How does one get hold on to any point of reference when the worst news in the world is an aftershock in Haiti and that a Republican won a Senate seat for the first time in over 50 years?

Heard that the earthquake in Haiti was 100 times worst than Katrina. For me, that would certainly put it as a more important event than the Democrats losing their 60th vote in the Senate and it should never have happened. Really?

Got to admit, I believe that Wycleff Jean has a point. A few nights ago, Anderson Cooper helped a boy who had been hit from above by an intentional thrower with a big piece of concrete. What the people of Haiti need now is immediate help. Money won't help in the Now but we need to help for ourselves and money is the only thing that makes us feel better. Makes us feel better - not the Haitian people, us. I fmoney would fix Haiti, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett would come charging in on their white horses and save the day but even they know that is not the solution. If the experts are right about Haiti and Katrina - what chance does the country of Haiti have for rebuilding considering the slow process of Katrina. WE have good intentions but the reality is not so clear.

It must be all the congestion.
Tomorrow it will all make sense, I am sure.
but Tomorrow isn't here yet.
So for today, I will not be torn and thrown about by every wind
and will focus on what I can do.

Pray for those given to me, Anytime, Anywhere, Anyone
Speak a kind word to a stranger.
Love those I am around today.

Leaving Haiti to One way smarter, stronger and bigger than me. We all have played the Rescuer in someone's life. Done in a healthy way, it is the way it was meant to be. To make ourselves the ultimate Rescuer, is trouble - for them and for us. Long time ago, I penned the comment, You can't save everybody. The truth is, we can't save anybody - no matter how good our intentions. Maybe being better people will affect things we can't even imagine now. That is the place I am hanging my hat today...

value - over and under...

Taking care of one's self is somewhat overrated. When you finally decide that you have got use to breathing and you can't - time to go to the doctor. After weeks of every OTC meds known to man, I give up, I can't outrun this thing. Believe me, I have tried.

They lied.
Ok, they were affordable, and great care but in and out, not so much.

Two and half hours later, I was on my way to the pharmacy to spend another hour. I do complain more when I am not feeling well and guess whose fault that is?

I thought I could out run it.
I thought it wouldn't last 8 weeks.
Giving up is the smartest thing I have done.

I made a new friend who is also a nurse practitioner. We don't plan to see each other again but if I need her, I know where to look. She took better care of me than I did. Nothing to be proud of.

I've got a load of meds to healing my multiple infections. It will take a while. Because of the swallowing thing, I have to take a huge dose of kids med but it will be fine. Why is it so tough to take care of myself? I kept thinking, I could have bought an new Ipod for what all this costs. I know I am worth the cost of a Ipod but boy, you would think I would be smarter.

Overvaluing. Watched A&E's, Hoarters last night and cleaned out 2 closets early this morning. One more to go. The show councils there are 3 million people who have this mental complusion disorder where garbage and diamonds are given the same value. As I cleaned out the hall closet, I thought about what I had and what I needed. What is important and what is not. What do I overvalue and what do I undervalue - looks like I have some work to do...

I have a Dream...

Gage is the most PC of all of us. If you use any reference to the black culture other than African-American, you will be corrected. Not sure where this comes form except down deep inside. It is Something to behold. He recited this part of MLK's speech to us the other night on the way to church. Keaton had never heard it and was a bit envious I think. After I had Gage recite it again today, I had bookmarked that part of MLK's speech for him to see. That is was real and he got to see the sea of people who were there and got to hear it in person. Sometimes we learn things and never get to see the Real Deal. Memorization is a good thing. Should we memorize just for the sake of being able to spit it back out with 95% accuracy? but if taken to heart, there is value.


You don't need to know all the words in the correct order to get it. For me, it wasn't until I quit try to memorize and started knowing the Parables, that I got them. Maybe it is just me - bad memory Girl but whatever works. Just like the prayer thing, whatever works. No cookie cutter or recipe, we each have to find our own way. Which would I rather have, a kid who can recite line by line because they can or one who mixes it up but whose heart is filled with the Love of Jesus? No brainer baby.

I have a Dream... or do I? I don't believe that world peace is possible this side of heaven. What would my dream look like. When I look at Gage and MLK, I see the need for a dream. Might have to work on that...

this time...

Music is a big part of most of us. I have known a few people who couldn't stand the sound of music and always find that unbelievable. Music is woven in and out of the bible. With joy as its personal pronoun, music can take you from now to wow in a few seconds.

Last week I found This Time by John Legend and haven't been able to shake it still. While on the outside, it would appear to be about boy/girl Love but as with all Love, the bottom line - Love always points back to God. From Bridge Over Troubled Waters to This Time, you can't help but see past to the obvious.

This Time is about understanding and accepting that we have second chances every day. Every day we open our eye is a chance for a new beginning. To chance, to grow and to forgive yourself so that you can move on. Without the forgiveness you get in a place like Pat Roberstson and that is no where any God fearing person, wants to be.

It's starting to hit me,
now you're not with me.
I realize I made a mistake,
thought that I needed some space.
But I just let Love go to waste.
It's so crystal clear now,
that I need you hear now.

This time I want it all,
showing You all the cards
giving you all my heart
This time. I'll take a chance.
This time, I’ll be a man...

If you need to, forgive yourself today. Understand that you have another chance and a next time. Ask for His love to wash you clean and give you a push to try again. Your, This Time, is just there for the asking...

Haiti...

"There are no first responders in Haiti, not the way we have come to understand it in the United States." Brian Williams, NBC News flying over Haiti.

Haitian president Rene Preval: "We don't have the capacity" to bring all the injured to hospitals

Bodies litter Haitian streets... Anderson Cooper.

Twitter is overflowing today with infomation in and out of Haiti. MSNBC said most all communications, including cell phones are down and Twitter is quickly becoming the voice for those who no longer have one.

Right after news of the quake was announced, President Obama made a statement expressing his sorrow and promise of prayers for all the people of Haiti. He was also quick to say the US would do everything in its power to help. I immediate thought of our Katrina disaster.

I realize that the inaction and bumbling of aid that came slow or was non-existent came under a different administration but can't imagine that the outcome would be much different. In times of trouble, we mean well. We really do but we are not capable of carrying out help on a large scale and we seem to do even worse when it is in our own country. From the information coming in, Haiti is unprepared in ways we in the US can't even begin to understand. I would imagine that Starbucks are far and few apart. They are a poor country so the resources are just not available. Help will have to come from the outside just to recover the dead. Rebuilding the country may be next to impossible.

Hi everyone….
Our internet is working finally. So I’m sending this to a few of you….
Everyone here is ok, but we are all very scared. The buildings held up great, but there are several houses right around us that have collapsed. Also, Hotel Cyvadier had major damage, while the brand new three story “peace of mind” hotel was demolished. Francine, one of our teenage nannies was in afternoon school and escaped while the building was collapsing around her because she was sitting by the door…however many of her classmates died yesterday. Many houses and and buildings have collapsed in Jacmel including the hospital. I know most of the news there is coming from PAP, but there is substantial loss of life here on the south coast. We need prayer for wisdom and strength. Its very chaotic here. We were able to buy diesel this morning and hopefully get more propane for cooking tomorrow. Last night was crazy…slept on the dirt in the center of the village…away from the buildings. Tonight we may venture back indoors, but that is yet to be decided. We go in and out to get necessities. The Haitian people are numb and sad to say very used to death, but this has created what seems to be a hypnotic state. I’ve never been in a situation were you feel SO helpless, fearful, and small. The tremors are coming again as i type this. Whoa!!!
Mark
– everyone
mark stuart. lead singer/Audio Adrenaline via Donald Miller's blog.


All I know about Haiti, I learned today. The 9 million people live in utter poverty. Their buildings were not earthquake proof. Most of the country would pass no kind of housing code. The reports of 3 story buildings falling like sticks is one we are hearing over and over and over. It reminds me alot of Real Life. If you are not rooted deeply when the earthquake comes, you will fall and devastation becomes your future. We need to be firmly planted, so when the harsh winds come, we may bend and bruise but not topple over. Had this earthquake have happen Somewhere in the US, thinking that the damage and loss or life would not have been nearly what we are seeing now. As the next few days and weeks roll out, we will know the full extent of the loss. There are already talking about the worst natural disaster ever.

Whatever your situation, check to see where you are planted and if there is strong footing. Deep roots, planted and lived. Your own personal Haiti could be just around the corner...

the high road...

I have said it before, love Jay not Conan.

In the scheme of life, TV is not that important. Ok, it is but wanting to seem less shallow here. This whole Jay/Conan thing has been playing out in front of us for the last few days. The late night boys including David Letterman have gotten a ton of mileage out of the NBC machine. So to recap,

Leno is doing poorly with the affiliates in the 10PM position so NBC apparently doesn't want to lose him to another network so they are going to give him a half hour time slot after the local news that has belonged to the Tonight Show for a billion years and bumping Conan and the newest Tonight Show to the next day at 1205AM and Jimmy Fallon even closer to breakfast time.

We have all waited, all being a relative term for Conan to say yes or no. Late this afternoon, he did and the answer is no. I agree wholehearted with him. Either he keeps the Tonight show time slot or he is moving along. The ball is now in NBC's court. I admire him for standing up for what is right at the cost and embarrassment of a short tenure of a icon of television. You have to do what is right. Do the right thing, take the high road, make changes when necessary. It really is the only thing we have to offer of value. Take a stand so you can live with yourself because it it the right thing to do, and lets the chips fall where they may...

generous...

generous

1.Willing to give and share unsparingly.
2.Not petty in character and mind.
3.More than adequate.
4.(literally) Of noble birth.

This definition really surprised me. I would have imagined that a financial reference would have been in first or second place and most certainly, in the top 4.

This is very good news. What a wonderful definition of just about anything. Which of us wouldn't want this as a personal definition. I have got to tell you that I know several that fit this very ideal. While none are of noble birth, as far as I know, they could not fit a more perfect definition of generous. I am honored to have them in my lives. I don't deserve them but they are there. They are generous to a fault.

Got a call from an old friend tonight. She was asking about a mutual friend who is not in contact with either of us. She wanted to know if anything was wrong. I explained and she understood. We chit chatted a while and it was more than lovely to catch up with her. I need to call her back and get together. She and and her husband raised their grandson as their own and are now reaping giant benefits. They all just got back from the Fiesta Bowl where her boy who plays defense, came home with a more than adequate ending. The best part, we picked up our relationship right where we left off last time. Another sign of a generous nature.

I also know people who have left generous people behind. I refer to it as, let's see how do I say this? One who poops in their dinner plate. If you have someone in your life who is of a generous nature and you let them go, you are not only a fool but one I wouldn't want to eat dinner with.

We all have to make many choices every day. If generous is involved, choose wisely...

change...

Sam's Club to close
Jay Leno loses 10PM spot
American Idol goes on without Paula

Ok, not all change is bad. Wow - only January 11 and change is everywhere. I guess the new year allows us to step back and reflect. The older I get the more change comes a bit easier or at least, the reality of it seems to soften the blow.

We all know life is fluid. We also all know that ther are a few things we can hang our hearts on. Change will always be around. It will look different, go thru stages but always there, nevertheless in some shape and form.

It will come when you least expect it.
In ways you can't even imagine today.
It will be complete and on going.

Thinking I can live without Sam's Club but for the 132 people who will lose their jobs, it is their turn to change. It is their time to find a new way, to find their new normal. Jay and Paula will be fine. Will follow Jay wherever he lands and looking forward to Ellen on AI.

Because of change, that just makes the things we can count on, that much sweeter. The Love of an uncle for his nephew and a nephew that knows that Love. Nothing is permanent but there are enough things in life that we can feel confident about. The Trouble starts when we mix up the two.

Change, here you come- ready or not. I hope I am as ready as I think...

focus...

One of my non resolutions is to focus a bit more. Not because it is a new year but mainly because there is more time to think, reflect in January. Lots more time with no holidays breathing down your neck and you have to do Something while snuggling under that blanket.

It sort of snuck up on me. Realized that I want to take a different direction with my photography and at least for now, am heading a different direction. Time for me and photography to duke it out a bit. Looking for emotion and going to follow wherever that leads.

For me, the creative part of taking photos is to have 30% of the picture out of focus. To cut out what doesn't tell part of the Story - to do a background fade of what I don't need to see so I can focus on what I do need to see. It is harder to see clear when the whole picture is in focus - it is almost impossible to find what I need because of the distraction.

DH's boss who always reminds him, Call me and remind me - I night see Something Shiny! His way of saying, he gets sidetracked...alot. While I would like to think I am always on the straight and narrow and able to focus on a dime, I am not sure I could sell it. When I look through the lens, I know what I am looking for - wish it was that easy in Real Life.

I want to be ready for the good Shiny and less swayed by the unnecessary Shiny but alas, I am human and that will not always be possible. There is nothing wrong with being more focused. A good balance and a bit of good sense is all I am asking. Doesn't seem like too much - does it?

goodbye...

It takes me a while to let go. I just needed some extra time to say goodbye. While on a digi chat with almost 500 women, I put this layout together and I think I am ready to move on. Ready to move on from 2009 and the women. With everyone typing at a million miles a second, it doesn't take long to get a little crazy. Creative therapy is great but one can get too much of a good thing.

As I was putting this layout together, I got little glimpses of the past year. Layouts that I had long forgotten. I think the final total of pages was 221 for the year. Went to Shape Collage and with one little button, all 221 were automatically collaged. It took all of 30 seconds. I did this by hand a few years ago and it literally took hours... another thing to say good bye to. I could not have imagined Shape Collage back then. Course at the beginning of 2009, I couldn't imagine a lot of things that now are a routine part of my day. Now, I am wondering what will be of my everyday a year from now.

We pay our newspaper subscription by the year and it is due to expire next week so yesterday I called and canceled the newspaper. They asked why and I told them. I am tired of reading 4 day old news, it is time to move on. Twitter keeps me updated and if you know me, instant gratification isn't fast enough. .

This time last year, I almost bought Apple TV for $300. Thought it would be a great deal, renting movies to watch on demand. If I had a hankering to watch Vince Vaughn, I could. Little did I know, when DH bought his TV last summer, a laptop would do the same thing for free.

Lots of things to say goodbye too. Don't need a New Year's Eve, I imagine there will be more changes coming well before 2011 comes knocking on the door. Ready or not, goodbye is coming more and more often...

the tiger in each of us...

When Annie Liebovitz took the “raw, never-before-seen photos” of Woods back in January 2006, Woods had just come off a 2005 season that included wins at the Masters and then at the U.S. Open — the 10th major win of his career. That season he topped the money list for the sixth time in his career and was ranked No. 1 in the Official World Golf Rankings.

Moreover, these achievements came on the heels of knee surgery and a massive retooling of his swing. Photos of Woods at this stage of his career, looking unlike any other golfer on the links, should have been newsworthy in their own right. But obviously, they weren’t. It took a massive scandal for Liebovitz to be able to dust them off and get them in print.

What a wild ride this guy has been on. I have no sympathy for him but do find some empathy for his position. He wanted to play with the Big Boys with all the benefits and little thought about not being above being caught. When the tiger comes out in each of us, we all get caught eventually, it is just that most of us don't have the resources to cover it up so thoroughly. Funny that eventually, we all wind up on the same playing field.

When I saw that Annie Liebovitz had taken this picture in 2006, it set me back. Then, I got it. This is not the Tiger we thought we knew but really was one of many Tigers. How fast his Tigers fell and his life is now in complete turmoil.

Whether he and his wife reconcile or not, he will have to come to terms with all his Tigers. The good and the bad. We are a black and white people, not because of color but because we are a people who knows what to do and don't. From weight to drugs or lying, we are all the same. We are shadow and light, we are wrong and we are right. Being a good person(or a great golfer) one day doesn't make up for being a cheat or liar, the next day.

None of us is perfect. We all hurt those around us. There are tigers in each of us.

There but for the grace of God, go I....and someday, it may be your tiger's turn...

365

In the photo and scrapbooking world, there is this 365 thing. Angie asked me tonight if I was going to participate this year. I tried it several years ago and for me, it was somewhat of a nightmare. I am glad I did it because I thought it would be something that would be fun and it was anything but.

There is also Miss Ali's One Little World. You pick a word that will be your focus for the next 365 days. Again, I have done this but find that life it too fluid to focus on a task and too complicated to commit to a single belief.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring...or really, what the rest of this day will be. I might take 50 pictures one day and not pick my camera up for the next 5. A word may make me focus in the meantime but I need to be flexible because I may need a completely different word tomorrow.

If you haven't done a 365 day project, I suggest you do. Your experience may be complete different from mine...but if it isn't, I don't want you to feel all alone. It is ok if you struggle and want to quit, The thing is, at the end - you win either way. You will have a memory and will have learned something about yourself. There is no right or wrong here. There is no pass/fail. There is only an opportunity to learn more about what works for you...and what doesn't. That is always well worth the effort.

We are a funny people. We do better at these kind of projects when others have either joined us or act as cheerleaders through the process. I knew I was in trouble by day 8. I have spent the last week trying to encourage those who are ready to cross the finish line. I remember being where they are and my mind had already left the building. I put the photos on a CD, my friend made a coffee table book of hers. We both started at the same place but the finish line looked completely different to the two of us.

The only commitment I have made is a prayer deal with God. Any time, any place, anybody. I don't care their politics, religion or lifestyle. Prayer not for a new car or a Get Out Of Jail Free card but for finding the Love of God to be what they have been looking for. Prayer for one to crawl up in God's lap for some comfort. The offer last for the rest of my days. Whether He ever asks me again, no matter I will be ready but no pressure. If He never takes me up on my offer, I am good with that too.

Life is good when you know when to hold em and when to fold em. When you learned what works and what doesn't. Each of us needs to be ok with the way we roll...I know I am...

wink...

Wink - A brief time; an instant.

A new little fun site for 2010. Check out Wink, a photo strip that you make and send to anyone. For $2.50, they will send your personalized photo strip (in hard copy form) to the person of your choosing. The possibilities are endless and you don't have to worry about stamps or cards or envelopes. A fun little thing that just might make some one's day!

A brief time, an instant. Our world can go from extremely good to terribly wrong. Reading a book I got from DD, Mark Batterson's - based on 2 Samuel, 23 chapter, verse 20 and 21.

There was also Benaiah... Another time he chased a lion down int a pit. Then despite the snow and slippery ground, he caught the lion and killed it...

His point is that most of run away from lions, don't chase them Normal people don't embrace lion chasing. He goes on to say...

I wish I could tell you that every lion chase ends with a lion skin hanging on the wall, but it doesn't...what sets lion chasers apart isn't the outcome.

From where I sit, there doesn't seem to bit much difference in Real Life for those who call themselves believers. We focus on the outcome because of fear. We pray with an expected outcome based on our own scale of the good we have done.

What sets believers apart isn't the outcome.

We already know how it ends, for each and every one of us. We really want to believe that everyone, except those we determine need to have an early exit, should live to a ripe old age of 90 or so. When our prayers are not answered and a baby dies or someone dies at the hands of another, we go into defense mode and question every belief we hold dear.

So, here is the deal. We are here for a brief time, and can be gone in an instant. In the wink of an eye. That tells me, to get out there and chase some lions. Oh Lord, here we go...

Well, hello there!

There have been a million Stories I wanted to tell you over the last 10 days and most of them I have forgotten now. Apparently they were Moments to be lived and not documented or, I just ran out of paper. However I believe that the Stories that need to be told, will eventually and in my journey of living in the Moment, sometimes they just fall in your lap - like this morning in church.

In the bulletin,

Found - Canta4 Model 470-D Behind the Ear Personal Hearing System. Contact church office for more information.

What other information could they have that they haven't detailed? Sounds pretty precise to me. Wish I help find this person - sounds like they could use some right about now.

It was 14 years ago today that 3 families met in my family room to have a church service. We sang, listened to the preacher and ate spaghetti. We had no idea what we were doing. The preacher hadn't preached in 3 years and had no intention of going back into the ministry. DH and I had no church making experience. Spaghetti I could handle and next Sunday, the 3 families will get together again for our 15 spaghetti dinner. Miss D tells me the first one to respond to the email was her oldest son. He is a grown man with a wife but sounds like he is either hungry or ready for another dinner. At last year's dinner we mainly talked about technology and how it affects the church today. This year, I can wait to hear what Zac thinks with Twitter and FB. I am so there, can't wait.

Go back 53 years, to my first memory. I am five and waiting outside for my dad to get home from work. I just know he will understand my plight and get me to where I need to be. I can't go back into the house...when he gets home and I explain in detail, I expect my suitcase will be packed in no time and I will get to go to my grandma's house - hopefully for good but my pleas fall on deaf eyes and I do go back into th house. What scared me was hearing my mother in German ask my Oma, who the 2 children are? and My Oma telling her, they were hers. She disagreed and stared at us. What I didn't understand at the time was she just been thru shock therapy and most of her memory was gone. None of that mattered to me. I was scared of her and wanted out. I don't even remember thinking about my sister, it was purely self-preservation.

Now, fast forward 25 years to my God journey, I had brought question after question to my friend, to answer before I signed on the dotted line with Jesus. The turning point came when I asked, Will I ever have to see my mother again?, and she said no and I was in.

I am less sure of that answer today and it still scares me but it is a different kind of scared. The mother subject comes up every once in a while and I take it in little chunks. The cool thing is, it in in small doses and it isn't always in front of me. That is the way this Jesus thing works. If anything is being shoved down your throat, you can bet it is not from God because when He is around, He makes it known. It is not His style to shove, cram or manipulate. It is also not His intention that you do the same.

I don't know what 2010 holds. Have been hearing alot of negative about 2009 but I just don't see it. Each of learned something this year, What to do or not to do. It was a year of learning and re-learning. I don't see it as a drag at all, not in the least. So, here we go. One step in front of the other. Whether baby steps or a full on run, I am ready. Bring it....thanks Jesus, who else could take this mop of a girl and make her whole, only You Man, only You...