Today, this is my shopping list for what I can eat right now...
Instant Cream of Wheat
V8 juice
yogurt
sugar-free chocolate pudding
Hummus
mashed potatoes
Ritz crackers
rice
itsy bitsy noodles
grated cheese
cottage cheese
Fiber One bars, Oats and chocolate
ice cream - anywhere
The menu varies a bit and I have had trouble with some these foods. If I am at your house and you have homemade hummus or mashed potatoes, don't be offended but I won't try them. I don't add new foods often and if I do, it is at home where my emergency stash of meds will help me get whatever, down.
It has been over 8 years ago since I have eaten what we would all consider, normal. There had been swallowing issues for a long time. but there have been moments when I tried something different and I was over the top, giddy. Most days, it doesn't even bother me. I eat and we are done. Sometimes, like now - it bothers me a bit more. A smell or a well set table make me yearn to participate.
In the Big Picture, it is a small price to pay. Looking around, I know I am a lucky girl. We all have Something in our lives that we wish we didn't. Something that nags at us and we just wish it would go away...and it doesn't. I am a firm believer that Life Is Not Fair and embrace it. Sometimes, I have to imagine eating, say a cheeseburger. It is not really the eating as much as the smells, the anticipation, the juiciest - the experience. I can't imagine the swallowing part - that ship has sailed but this exercise really helps me get through the tough times. Might have to do it several times a day. Sweet and savoy, whatever the craving. Works for me.
Dwelling on it, is not for me. Wishing it weren't so, doesn't work for me either. This is where the AA creed comes in, paraphased - Accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change the things you can. And, God works miracles and as long as you know and live that, whatever your Today looks like - is where you are suppose to be. As the Lance Armstrong people say, Live Strong...
