freedom and satisfaction...

As I pulled out of my garage this morning, I noticed my next door neighbor's flag was still up from Memorial Day. They don't usually have the flag up so I think that is what got my attention. When they bought the house over a year ago, he had just got back from Iraq. I imagine that his idea of freedom is way more personal than mine.

As I drove out of the subdivision, I thought about the cost of our being able to fly our flag whenever we want to. It didn't come cheap - some pay much more than others. I thought about the cost of being a free people and how sometimes, it seems like maybe the cost is too much. The thought of being satisfied kept popping in my mind - what does it take and when is enough, enough and these two, freedom and being satisfied, just don't seem simpatico.

As the day wore on, they took turns popping in and out. I still couldn't see any corelation..so on the way home from karate, here they came again. This time they presented a united front. Ok, Ok, I'm listening...

Still not sure I am getting the whole Big Picture but this is what I did get.

We are free to do anything we want as we search for that satisfaction but there is a cost. Use it wisely..

That's it... Nothing else...

Still not sure what to do with it - hoping for Part 2, real soon. Maybe I should ask my neighbor - it might make perfect sense to him...

outstanding in his field...

My DD called this morning and Keaton was chosen as to receive the Citizenship of the Year award in his class. I was not surprised. His teacher thinks he hung the moon and she isn't even related to him. The rest of us already know about this spectacular kid. Funny, last year when he had the Worst Teacher Ever, he won it too. Even she recognized that he deserved it.

This is one amazing kid. Not just because he is mine. He is kind, he is eager to please, he helps at school. He spent the night and on Monday as we headed for town, there was a Memorial Day service going on and they just started to release the balloons as we waited for the light to turn green. I had Steve pull over and I whipped my camera out of my purse. Keaton asked about what was going on and we gave him the 411. He has always be sensitive to those who have passed away in the family. He talks endlessly about his great-grandfather,(on his dad's side) who he has never met but when he talks about him, it is as if, they are the best of buds.

If you look up kindness, goodness and love in the dictionary - you would see his picture. There is no other award he could when that could make me more proud. Given the choice, I would prefer to see him win citizenship over academics. Smart has it's own troubles - people put you down to make themselves feel good but the true character of any person is the ability to love. I can learn a lot from this kid - I hope some of him is rubbing off on me. He makes being Christ-like look so simple. In a field of love-wantabees, he is outstanding in his field.

It's a secret... Monday morning, we will all be at his school to honor him. He will have his own little cheerleading section and be showered with praise and a few prizes but we are the ones who are indebted to him. Great job, buddy. Thank you for showing me the way...

Someone loves me...

I have been going crazy with some life stuff. It wakes me up in the middle of the night and I start thinking, then I can't go back to sleep. It does border on obsessive. I get that way when Something doesn't make sense but I keep trying to make it work. Like putting a square peg in a round hole. You know it won't work but you keep trying.

Then Someone comes along and says, "Hey, I am telling you that square peg is NEVER going to fit in that round hole. I have tried it a million times - Have studied it and the physics prove it just won't work, give it up".

I can't tell you the relief I felt after Someone shared that with me. It was like a light bulb went off. Someone is right - this won't work. Time to make a change. Time to make it right.

I lose perspective so quickly sometimes. There is this little voice that tells me, Just try a little harder, you can do it. You are a smart girl. The fact of the matter is, a smart girl will do what has to be done and is not afraid to change if change is necessary.

I love Someone. Someone brought some sanity back to my life. It was just what I needed today. To get what you need on any given day is about the greatest thing ever...

creative...

Sometimes there was a storm in her brain... One of my favorite quotes from my favorite jeweler, Sally Jean. How did she know that is how I operate????

That explains not only my creative process but my life process too. Had a great weekend - a little fun, a little picture taking, a little time for creativity and more picture taking. There were many storms in my brain this weekend and I didn't mind a bit.

I find that if I study areas of my life that I think may be not hold the Big Answers, not only am I wrong but I learn Something.

The Anatomy of a Layout...

This layout started out as lavendar with green flowers and color photos. Then I changed the photos to black and white - left everything else as it was. Then adding bling seemed like a good idea. Now I have to say there was probably 1/2 hour between all these revelations. My mind had to rest but with the gnawing going on the background, I knew we weren't done. When I decided that the bling was workable and would stay - I was happy, for a few minutes. Then I started playing with some actions and about the sixth one, I came up with this version and I was sold. No more play. The voices were silent.

Pretty much like my Real Life. I do not always have the luxury of time. Yesterday as we were in the car, as we passed the cemetary, they were having a celebration and released a group of balloons. I got my camera out and turned it out as fast as I could and snapped away. Sometimes, you only have seconds to decide on a kindness or word to a stranger. On very rare occasions, everything falls into place and it seems so easy. For a while, the storms pass...but we know they will come again but for now, the silence is quite nice...

what I do know...

Imagine you are not yet forty, have a 2 year old and just found out you have breast cancer. A week and one day ago you were living your life and in a second, you have a new Journey. Not quite a week after your diagnosis, you learned you would be having surgery in less than 10 days and chemo after that...

I can't get her off my mind - I'm not sure how to help. I have offered to make meals and willing to do whatever I can to help. I don't know what else to do.

Tonight I sent her this email. For all that I don't know, I thought I might share Something with her of which I am positive. It won't explain why and it make not bring any comfort today but I hope Someday it will...

Dear A,

I have no experiences to share with you. I have never been anywhere near where you are now. I do not know anyone who has ever had breast cancer. There is nothing in my arsenal of life’s journeys that can give you advice. No information or statistics I can throw your way to make you feel better, understand where you are or where you going.

Physically, this is your journey. None of us will go through what you will. We are not there with you at night when the fears seem to grow so much faster and seem so much bigger. In a physical sense, this may seem like a long road and that you are all alone. What I can share with you is – whatever you are feeling, you are not alone.

There are so many of us who will walk this way with you. You may never see us or even know all of us but we are there. I can only imagine that God has put you on our hearts all hours of the day so you are always covered in prayer. There may be times when you may see us in person – maybe to bring a meal or take Sam out for ice cream but the majority of the time that we will be with you, you will never see or hear us.

Your world has been turned upside down in the last week. While overwhelming to you, the God who made you is not. Personally, I am going to stand with Him. He knows the Way and I am chasing after Him, with you in tow.

Live in the Moment, my friend. Not because of where you are but because you are here. None of us have any guarantees to tomorrow and to be in the everyday is the only way to live, no matter who you are or what your circumstances. I have held you tight in my heart and will continue to do so….love zalaine

pomp and circumstance...

is something one should experience every few years. As soon as you hear that first note, you are magically transported back to your own high school years and when you look back - what a memory!

Their speeches were littered with thanks to family and teachers for support. As with most graduations presentations, their words were full of hope and pride for the future. There is Something unique about this season of your life. They shared songs that reflect that thinking - Invincible, and Find Your Wings. They see the future as only one can wearing a cap and gown. It might be the only time in your life when anything is possible and you are scared to death, all at the same time.

My favorite moment of any graduation is when they let loose and throw their caps in the air. All those rehersals. Practicing all those names, finally it is over and their Real Life is about to begin.

That night was 38 years ago for me. June 13, 1969. Somewhere there is a class picture of the event. When we moved from our first house, it was several months later - the family who bought the house found the picture and got it back to me. We spent grad night at Disneyland - I lived a stone's throw from the place. They locked us in and because the park was only open to our school, we didn't have to wait in line for anything.

The class of 2007 will do fine and I would imagine that in 38 years, they will look back and when they hear Pomp and Circumstance, it will bring them back to this night. Go Bulldogs!

define...

Define
to state
set forth
to explain
identify
to specify
determine
fix boundaries
to make clear
outline
and limit.

My sister and I had this conversation last week. She is a married woman, no children and has always worked. She defines herself by the job she has at - any given moment so her self worth is fluid and fused with her employment reality. I worked over 25 years and hated 95% of it. A job to me was always about a paycheck, my heart was always at home. Even if I had been childless, the hum of the dryer and cooking a fine meal would be my preference. During those working years I defined myself not by either working or non-working but by being a smart-ass. If you met me, I wanted you to walk away with that impression. I could've cared less if you like me or not but if you could see that trait in me, I was happy.

I think the way we define ourselves changes like the Seasons of our lives. While I am a wife, mother and nana - and these roles are my heart, I can't define myself by any of them. I am a scrapbooker, a photographer and a blogger but those hats, while they describe me, also can't define me.

I was a West Wing fanatic - still am. I would always get a chill when someone said, I serve at the pleasure of the President Of The United States. My heart would swell up and I could almost feel myself holding my head up a little higher. The way I define myself these days is simple - I serve at the pleasure of Jesus.

All the places I could define myself would give me a false point of reference. When I have used them in the past, I found myself in trouble. When you have a false point of reference, all your decisions are based on that reference being ultimately perfect and there is nothing perfect but Him.

Don't think I am so smart -I just realized this today but I also understand this has been going on for awhile, I just didn't recognize it. More and more, I see I have no real control, only over myself and I/we/multiple personalites might argue that point very successfully. I serve at the pleasure of Jesus - each and everyday.

That is how I see myself -
state
set forth
explain
identify
specify
determine
fix boundaries
make clear
outline
and limit.
this is how I define myself...

young Love...

Had a great time Sunday doing this engagement shoot with this awesome couple. I was reminded of that young love that we all experience in our youth. It is intense, silly and oh so real. As we followed them around, it was obvious that they care for each other a great deal. I got a good feeling about these two - I know there are no guarantees but they seem to have a beginning. Their wedding is in late July and I look forward to sharing their wedding day with them.

Young Love - remember that? That awakening in the deepest parts of our hearts that makes us want to be with another. It is not a stage of life that you can stay in forever but it's mountain top experience prepares you for life later on, in the valley. More than the love of a human, it reminds me of the time I fell in love with Jesus.

Giddy is the only word that explains how I felt. To accept unconditional love for the first time in my life will always be an extraordinary time for me. I was higher than a kite. I am positive I really had no idea beyond Jesus loved going thru my mind. I wasn't thinking about church or bible study or the rules that would follow. For that time, it was about being in love - a Love like no other.

I pray that the love these two share will extend to Him. That they keep Him close as they start their life and add to their family. It is hard to see the forest for the trees - but as they move down their path, May Jesus be a such a part of their lives and their children's lives.

We all need to experience that kind of Love more than once in a lifetime. Maybe it will come as a result of a miraclous answer to prayer or the lyrics of a long forgotten song. That feeling of being flooded with love, more than you can hold to. Washing over you again and again. Watching young love like this is a wonderful reminded of your First love. I hope I always remember...

resonate...

Resonate - rez' a nat - to amplify...

All it takes is a beginning...and from there is can spread and spread and spread and spread.

I really hadn't planned on going to church today. I didn't want to but as it turned out, I needed it more than I could have imagined.

The preacher talked about several families going through unimaginable trials. One woman's husband died at her mother's funeral. " How do you keep the Joy? was his question. Sometimes you need to keep your joy on the inside. Grieve with a friend. Don't offer the proverbial God needed another flower for His Garden. Sometimes joy has to resonate from the inside. Its effect will still be the same if not more vibrant, more deeply felt and maybe, more sincere.

Couple 1 came in and then Couple 2. Couple 2 came because of Couple 1. Resonate in action. It jolted me back to His Reality. Whether in the deepest of grief or on the verge of a new journey - showing someone where the Water is may be the greatest love we can lavish on each other. It is up to them to decide if they want to Drink. That choice can never be made for someone else. Grace is a free gift but can't be given by us. That kind of Love resonates from Him and Him alone. Sometimes our only job is just to show up...

picture of the day...

I am now 6 1/2 months into the POTD thing. I would like to say it has gone smoothly but it hasn't. I can also say it still has not become a habit. I still have those times when it is 9PM, I jump out of my skin and remember, I haven't taken my POTD for the day.

The whole picture taking thing has not been what I expected. At the very beginning, when it was in the thinking phase - I expected it would help me to take better pictures. By day 5, a photo of ANYTHING would do. It has turned out to be more of a picture journal than anything. I love taking these pics at the gas station - I have one in November when the price of gas was $2.18. While my skills haven't seen much improvement, I am delighted when I look back to see what any given day was like. Snow, kids playing, shopping or a birthday - it has been worth it just for those daily reminders. On those days when there were mulitple events, I pick the one that I need to remember the most.

There are a few pictures of food. Reminders that I was able to eat and how good that felt. Times with family and friends where food was not an issue but like the POTD, everyday brings something new. Originally when I had this problem in 1994 - after some testing the doctor said, " IT ( swallowing ) doesn't work so be careful when you eat". Sounded a bit strange but I have come to understand it completely. Have had some issues the last few days and it would appear, IT isn't working again.

I would love to feel sorry for myself but I can't. Being able to enjoy a taco, popcorn and a salad has been wonderful. If IT never works again, I am so ok. If IT does, that is great too. I could never imagine eating again and I did. I have experienced a miracle I never expected. Life gets no greater than this - I am truly blessed. Not sure how to do it but today's picture is of a grateful heart...

names...

While checking out at Walmart, I noticed the cashiers name was Katrina. The nightly news had a segment on names the other name and Katrina's name tag jogged my memory about her name. Until hurricane Katrina, it was a very popular name. Had always been in the top 100. Last year there were only 850 babies in the whole country named Katrina.

Emily and Joshua have topped the list as number one names for girls and boys for a long time Funny how we pick names for our newborn. Keaton has a kid in his second grade class who is named after a surfing comic book character. There is a family in our community whose last name is Wolfe and they have a Timber and Grey. I read an Ann Landers piece once where a woman named her off spring with the surgical operations she had been through.

My daughter, being born in the 70's, had a middle name of Sunshine all through my pregnancy. It sounded so cool but in the end, we went with Theresa. For me it was either Zalaine or Heidi - either way, I lose. I guess if I could have forseen the future, I would pick the name I wound up with but knowing there was a mad dash to sign my birth certificate and my dad got there first, it puts a damper on being a lovely sentiment.

You meet some people and can't imagine them having any other name. It is like it was completely out of their parent's control, divinely inspired if you will. I have a hard time with those names who try to come up with unique spelling. Amy aka - Aimee, Ami, Amee. I need it simple - hard to imagine you could not recognize a simple name like Amy but it is becoming more and more popular.

Whatever your name, whether divinely inspired or you are named after a rollercoaster in Iowa - it is something to be proud of. You may never have been able to walk into Target and buy a pencil with your name on it but maybe somehow, it has contributed to who you are today. Even if your name is Katrina...

the joy of comfort...

While the kids were hard at play during Keaton's game last night, I was in deep conversation with a hurting friend. One of her best friends has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. Since she works for an oncologist, she know the score.

We talked about her friend, cancer, getting old, husbands, losing weight and her friend, again. While the conversation had a definite sadness to it, I tried to comfort her as best I could and she accepted. That is not always the case with people during tough times. It is much easier to comfort than to accept that comfort. We were obviously in the right place at the right time and I hope she felt my sincere feelings for what she is going thru.

I had woke up that morning, thinking about this disease thing. We give God the glory when someone is cured of a fatal disease but we are quiet if a cure doesn't come. What do you say? Why one and not the other? Why is one spared and the other not? There is no recipe or theory that will answer my questions, I know that. I'm not sure what I am looking for. On the digi boards when something bad happens, we as a community are asked to pray. I have seen cures and casualities.

With the cures come cheers and smiles. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and thank God everything turned out all right. With the casualities, I have seen an outpouring of comfort- the essense of love come from every direction. When the news is devastating, the only thing we have to offer is comfort. When it is our turn to be comforted, we would be wise to accept it. Allow yourself to be comforted - there can be much joy inside of the pain. It may be the only answer we ever get...

focus...

I am having some focus issues. Usually I can zero right in and get done what needs to be done

but for some reason, I am floundering a bit right now. Maybe it is because there are few empty spaces left on my calendar for the next couple of weeks. Somedays have multiple entries, perhaps it is the feeling of ying and yan and it is driving me crazy.

Maybe it is partly because we have been in a semi-vacation mode for a week and my usual mojo has been disturbed. Tomorrow DH returns to work so I will be back to my regular schedule - maybe I will feel more like myself then. My focus will return and all will be right with the world.

My time to just be has also taking a hit. For me, focus is not just seeing one thing, but keeping my eye on the Big Picture. When I lose focus, it is because I am stuck on a single subject. I can't see any farther than that one thing and that is when I start to get in trouble. I know the signs and it means trouble is near by.

That might be part of the process for me. Obviously I am aware and know what to look for. I know it is just for a season, Soon the lazy, hazy days of summer will be here and my calendar will be empty again. With my new found knowledge in hand, I will let my focus be where it may and enjoy the time...

a perfect Mother's Day...

I could not have had a better day. A picnic with those who are my whole world. Playing in the sand and having help burying my feet. Taking photo after photo - it just made me smile.

As we took turns playing and chilling and I couldn't help but think of those who wish this 24 hour holiday would just be done and gone. I thought of one of our digi girls who lost her son last fall and her first MD without him. There was a whole thread yesterday on DST about women who had lost their mothers, many of them years ago, still with so much pain and loss.

I can't identify with losing a child or mourning the loss of a mother. Honoring parents has very tough for me and I am not very good at it. It has only been in the last few years that MD no longer has a negative hold on me. It has become a celebration of overcoming. A day to be grateful for what is.

These 6 people have made me incredibly happy. I can not begin to tell you how they have more than made up for the first part of my life. I have learned that love is not only possible but Something you can count on. They make me feel like I am the best. Wife, Mom, MIL and Nana.

There is not a greater gift anyone could give. They give it in abundance and I am surround by it on every side.

Still, for those whose day wasn't a great success, like the husband who forgot until a greeter at church wished his wife, Happy Mother's Day! I know it is just a day, a Hallmark - inspired holiday fueled by every retailer who has something to sell. It's not about a card or a gift - it is about feeling loved. It's about being nutured or having someone to lavish your love on.

I have never had a perfect Mother's Day before and I may never again. When you have one like this, you just need to enjoy it. Perfect is oh so lovely...

rest...

Children do it better than Big people. When it is time to slow down or come to a screeching halt, their little selves just let it happen naturally. There is Something about the power of rest that we seem to leave in childhood as if it was useless in our adult lives.

Not sure most of us think about the importance of rest. Not just gettting an adequate amount of nightly sleep but resting when our bodies tell us it is time to stop. I am guilty of pushing through even when there isn't a emergency in sight. I tell myself, I'll rest later - I will catch up in a few days. We never can catch up. By the time we do, it is a 2 day ordeal. We crash and burn - big time.

I am better at it than I use to be. Not because of practice but see the value of little time outs in between Real Life instead of running the race like it was a marathon. The old story about the tortoise and the hare. I always thought of the tortoise as the real loser but I think I was wrong. There is Something to be said for pacing yourself - in pretty much all aspects of your life. It is not wimpy to rest - may even be a sign of higher intelligence although I can't prove that.

Maybe you need to follow a two year old around for a week - do what they do. Learn from them. They haven't had their natural inclinations stifled yet by Big People thinking. Do yourself a favor - may be the best thing you could do for yourself...

details...

There is a lot going on this month. Lots and lots of graduations. One night there are two at the same time - 20 miles apart. Trying to negotiate being at both is impossible - how do you choose?

It is in the details that I find the most difficulty. I get bogged down in the what if's and how to's and everything else gets blurry. I can't focus beyond what I can't get pass. You would think that when things are crystal clear that would make it easier but for me, it doesn't seem to. Single focus would seem to suit my personality but it makes me a crazy girl.

The blurry areas of my life can be denial or lack of focus. Either way, I think the results are still the same. Ignore it and it will go away. If there is pain involved, that too, can be put on hold but there can be plenty of pain in the sharpness of life. When the true focus is up front and personal, it is pretty difficult to deny. Hard to look away and pretend you can't see it.

There have been a few things this month that I had to look smack in the face. No running away, no hiding and no blur. I will have to let go and realize that I have no control. I will have to look at the details, make the best choice I can and live with it.

Maybe just saying it out loud will help. Realizing that the details are not the enemy and sometimes, there may not be a right or wrong answer, The answer will lie with what I can live with. Whether blurry or sharp, it is my decision where I am going to focus...

wealth...

It doesn't look like much. The refrigerator in the garage with a bunch of different drinks but it means the world to me. Not only do I have my family's favorites, ready to go when they come - it reminds me of a time when that same beverage love was shown to me.

It was one of my dad's girlfriends. We spend a summer in her in-ground pool where the snacks and pop never ran low. Stocked never empty, you could count on being treated like a little queen everytime. Somewhere deep down, I knew it wouldn't last. She was married and her husband was a good friend of ours but in that Moment, I took it all in. How I could not? Everytime I went over there, I knew what to expect and it was all good. I still have wonderful dreams about this house and several times a year - it is the same dream. DH buys the house as a surprise and it is exactly as I remember, including a refrigerator filled with pop in the garage.

Wealth is subjective. We judge it by our checkbook balance, our 401k plan and what kind of house we live it. What you drive, what kind of TV you have and or where you go to college. Or not.

Yesterday was perfect. The weather was gorgeous. I spent the day with my girl working on a digital book project. We had lunch and met up later at Keaton's baseball game. I came home, walked thru the garage and grabbed a drink from the refrigerator and smiled.

I am a wealthy woman. Far beyond what I deserve. Surrounded by the things in life that can't be controlled or measured. If you are what you think, I am filthy rich...

cows in trees...

DH is laid off for the week and it changes the way I go about my everyday life. So when we headed to town in the afternoon and saw the cows sitting under the trees, it explained my day perfectly. We had to turn around so I could get the shot but it was worth it.

Ms Cow and I had a little dialogue. I asked her about the tree, if the shade felt good and she just stared at me. Maybe I looked as out of place to her, taking her picture as she did to me, under the tree. Somedays are like that, you just feel out of place. Routine gone and you are just a little uncomfortable in your own skin.

I worry about that sometimes. Not feeling uncomfortable but feeling too comfortable. The line for me gets fuzzy sometimes, How much is too much ? If I understand correctly, I am to be in this world not of this world. What exactly does that look like? Jesus said to preach the Gospel - not exactly how. We know/meet so many different kinds of people everyday - do we change the preaching to accomodate each personality or do we stay as we are and hope if our brand of preaching isn't welcome that God has a back-up preacher?

Is preaching vocal or is it silent? and if it is both, how do we decided which is right for any given situation? I realize all I am doing is asking questions and in that, maybe the answers will come.

Back to the cows in trees - maybe we are on the right track as long as we are uncomfortable but not sure God intends us to live that way. It is a good reminder to take our uncomfortable pulse every once in a while - just in case we are wondering where our hearts are spending their time.

I am still not sure I shouldn't put all I have in this world while I wait for the next, knowing that my time here is short. Maybe it is just as simple as living in the Moment and watching for cows in trees...

Class of 2007 - I Do...

Last night was the first of many graduation celebrations for the Class of 2007. This one was for two college graduates who start their new Real Lives tomorrow. I don't know that is will really kick in until this fall when they don't have a school to go back to. That is when reality will set in and they will join the rest of us in the game of What Do I Do Next?

There are some years where we don't know anyone who is starting on the Real Life journey but there is Something about May that reminds us of classes gone by. Our own, our children - there are rites of passages for parents as we watch our kids move on in life. It also reminds us that we are getting older.

It is also the time of year for weddings and there are several of those on the calendar. My daughter celebrates 10 years of marriage this July - seems like yesterday. Can't believe I have been a mother-in-law for 10 years. Not sure I would have the guts to ask my SIL for a report card.

At the graduation party, I got to see the bride's dress for the July Wedding. It is beautiful and she glowed as she shared her plans. Young love is wonderful at any time but a summer wedding brings a special glow. I can't wait to shoot their engagement photos in a few weeks and they are up for fun. The wedding will be delight to shoot.

Waking thru Target yesterday, there was a display of graduation gifts. Class of 2007 - For me, it was the Class of 69. Graduation was June 13. I still remember the date and that was 38 years ago. It is a nice yearly reminder of how far we have come and hopefully, we have a lot of good to show for it...

6 miles...

I was close to the freeway when it was time to head for Brandi's. I would much rather take the backroads - prettier scenery and while you can drive faster on the freeway - 80% of the time, going the back way is quicker. As I got on the freeway, there was one of those green signs that said 6 miles to my destination. Ha! I said out loud. 6 miles at 65 miles an hour - do the math. In the morning for several hours, that stretch of freeway is at a virtual stand-still and again at night. In theory, I could get to Brandi's in 10 mins but the reality is is takes 1/2 hour to 45 minutes. Last winter, one morning it took an hour and 45 minutes.

Seasons and circumstances can make those 6 miles look like 60. What looks simple - getting from A to B - isn't. There will always be Something in our way. Unexpected road construction, accidents and freak snow storms can change our plans in an instant. We can have our travel time planned down to the very minute but the truth is, we have really no control.

I did my 65 ish down the freeway and when I got off at my exit with about 5 miles to my destination, it took me 15 mins to go those 5 miles. Had to stop for those construction workers who decide who gets to go and for how long. I couldn't merge onto a side street until about the 15th car took mercy and let me in as my merge lane had ended. When I was getting ready to turn on Brandi's street a lady was apparently having car issues and could only putt along thru the intersection. By the time I got to the house, turned my car off, I was exhausted.

To live this life, we have to get adjust to seasons and circumstances. We get exhausted when we are hit from every direction and don't leave room for the Unexpected. I had a Plan for today - when I left the house this morning, I prayed that I would be a blessing to someone - that I get out of my head for just a few brief moments. Somewhere between there and as I headed down those 6 miles, I forgot. It was probably that sign - no flip flops, dang it...

DOF...

Depth of field... You know those photos you see where the background is blurry but the person or thing in front is crystal clear. I was practicing with my little point and shoot camera but not sure I got it. I think my focus is off. I need to focus on the front can and the last can should have a noticeable amount of blur. I also could have set my focus on the back can and the front one should have been blurry. That didn't happen either.

Back to the photo drawing board. This is all new to me and each time I try something - I learn either way. When I finally get the aperture theory and execution down, I will move on to shutter priority.

Aperture - an opening, a gap, hole or slit. an opening that limits the quantity of light that can enter. The hardest part of this aperture stuff is that the lower the fstop number the greater the opening. A f2.8 is a larger opening than a f11. As the numbers increase, the the availability of light decreases So taking the photo at a f2.8 will give you a very blurry background with a certain focus while the f11 will bring your entire photo into focus.

So today's lesson may not have yielded the results I hoped to see but I learned a little bit about life's aperture. Sometimes in life you need that bit of blur, maybe not seeing the faults of a loved one and sometimes you need to see clearly, no room for denial here. Need more practice in photography and Real Life...

reasonable expectations...

Whenever I pick him up from school or lots of time when I show up at his house, I have a reasonable expectation of being greeted with that big smile. There is also usually running involved so I am always prepared to scoop him up and nuzzle his little neck. He also has the reasonable expectation that I will respond with that scoop, everytime.

reasonable - agreeable or in accord with reason, moderate, endowed with reason.

expectation - something expected, a degree of possibility that something will occur.

You put those together and you have an act, endowed with reason that a degree of possibility that something agreeable will occur. We experience this every minute of everyday in every part of our lives.

I got to thinking the other day - does God have an reasonable expectation of me. I am not talking about rules and regulations - religion or rituals. Once we decided to sign up with Him, is it unreasonable to think that showing up to be with Him would not be Something expected? Why would we not want to be a part of wherever He is, on any given day? Just the thought that by showing up there is a degree of possibility that Something will occur makes me not want to miss

a thing. Perhaps I get caught up in Real Life stuff and it is a matter of time management. Maybe not.

If He could give His life for mine - I can show up everyday to see what's up. Not only does He have a right to reasonable expectation but so do I...