lovin spoonful...

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I have had a envious relationship with the Kennedys forever, I have wanted to be one. Not for their money or influence but for their family life and deep-rooted philosophy of community. Special Olympics would not be the force that they are today if not for Eunice Kennedy and now, Maria Shriver.

Choosing to care about your fellow man, outside your bio gene pool doesn't come naturally. It must first be instilled and then encouraged. Like most things in life, we have to keep bringing things to the head of the line because basically, we are shallow and have a short attention span. The sooner you accept this about yourself and the rest of the human race, the sooner you can make some changes.

Ice cream for Special Olympics is a fabulous idea. Ice cream for anything, I'm in. Maria has had a tough year. California has to be weighing heavy on her mind as she is Arnold's sounding board and despite those wonderful commercials, we all know the score there and it ain't pretty. With the loss of her mom and uncle in a short time this year and raising 4 children, she is a great example of what we can do if it is important to us.

Found a web site today, http://boomboomcards.com/store. Revolutionary acts for everyday life - an uprising of gorilla goodness.

Become a cards carrying member of the Boom Boom Revolution! Do these 26 acts of guerilla goodness and change the world. Each time you complete a card, give it away to someone else so the revolution doesn't end.

The website allows you to follow your Boom Boom Card as it travels around the world. You never know where your one act of kindness will end up!

There is a Big People and a teen version - pretty cool. may not work for everyone but could be something fun for a family to do together. We don't all have the means to make ice cream but we all have the ability to care, What does that look like for me? for you?...

unfriend...

The technique is "unfriending", which was the New Oxford American Dictionary's Word of the Year for 2009 (actually it was "unfriend").

A year ago, this wasn't even word to us, now it is Something we are scared to do and mad when it is done to us.

I will admit, I have unfriended people on Facebook and Twitter. For many different reasons and it has been good thing. We can only take in some much information. There is no extra 40GB SDHC memory chip that we can pop in our brains to add more room. Our new social networking site have forced us to make choices because our brains are on overload. I still have two requests from those wanted to befriend me on Facebook that I am not going to friend in. I have no idea who they are, that one seems to be a no-brainer. When I stop following someone on Twitter, not sure they care like those you unfriend on Facebook. The Facebook people seem to get mighty angry when you choice to drop them.

We have been unfriending for years but it has been in person and much tougher. We have also, all been on the other end of being defriended. It is all a part of life. Sometimes we are banished for good, sometimes we are just moved to a lesser role, like one of an acquaintance. Either way, it happens and we deal with it. when you think about it being unfriended may be easier to deal with. then you have the being added as a friend which comes with its own baggage.

Of all the words that made the rounds in 2009, unfriend was the best/most used/popular. Really?. That should tell you Something about where we have been and more importantly, where we are headed.

What I do know is that we are a limited people with limited skills, brain power and motivation. The older one gets, the more you understand that life is precious and you have to put your time in the Cherish bucket. No room for all the drama that is brought on by ourselves or others. Time to move on, life is too short. A little bit of everything won't hurt you but when you reach an oversaturation point in your life and you are aware of it, time to do Something about it. I would have voted for oversaturation, whether it was a new word or not. Seems that unfriending and oversaturationg might have quite a bit in common and it may not be such a bad thing to be unfriended. You might have a whole bunch of time to do something you love with all your newfound time. In fact, go ahead and unfriend me, I won't mind a bit...

giving...

Fall is quickly turning into winter and Something about that and all the holiday abundance, we human turn into giving machines. As soon as the red kettles come out, we are ready to grab our wallets and let the giving begin.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that we become aware of our fellow man and the need to make sure that everyone can have a retail-inspired Christmas. There is nothing quite like the generosity that we display between the middle of November and about December 23. Last weekend, the Boy Scouts kicked off their holiday food drive at Walmart and there was no storage of volunteers. It was strange to see so many people with no Two for One sales going on.

I really don't think we give out of guilt - we give because it is a magical time of year. We are feeling festive and the wrongs done by our fellow man, seems to have faded away. We take on the official motto of a Barbie and GI Joe under every tree. I know because I have already gone down that road.

We have a family in our neighborhood who have had as many yard sales as weeks they have lived on my street. She saw me outside on day and asked what day the trash was picked up. Not particular friendly, they keep to themselves and are quite busy with those yard sales. Last weekend, it was freezing and they had the same stuff out as the weekend before. DD and I have done the secret santa thing and it dawned on me, this family should be ours this year and it looks like a go. But not for Christmas coming on, it wouldn't have dawned on me to give, to help out. We have lots of downtime issues ourselves and unemployment doesn't go that far - my natural inclination would be self preservation but since we are in the magically time zone, my mind is racing trying to figure out what secret santa will do.

By the time December 26 comes around, we are all given out. The kettles are gone and so are our thoughts of helping out for another 11 months. Too bad, we don't see the Bigger Picture. Myabe this year, we should ask Santa for a big dose of seeing the Bigger Picture and making our own magic in the next 10 months...

hip hop violin...

Mr Demi Moore (Ashton Kutcher) pointed the way to Ms Lindsey on Twitter today. That lead me on a larger search of the idea of a hip hop violinist and that led me to Miri Ben-Ari and Paul Dateh.

Admittedly, I love hip hop. The sounds, not usually the words and when you add the violin which could not be more opposite than hip hop, you have Something that can really make you swoon.

You know what they say about opposites, they attract. Look at couples that have absolutely nothing in common, maybe it is because they share a side that their spouse never considered. Maybe the attraction is the new worlds that couples drag each other into. Same with food. Foods that you would never consider merging, become a whole new delight when combined.

DD and I have had a running dialog this weekend about raising children and we wildly differ. My idea is to let the kids know the consequences up front and then let them decide if the punishment is worth the crime. In her Love and Logic class they teach, never let the kids know the consequences ahead of time. Two opposing ideas and I think the answer is somewhere in between but she will have to choose for her children which is best. There has been great conversation and I have loved every minute of it.

I am thankful this weekend that I have people in my life that are yin to my yang and we still love each other completely. The best kind of friend you can have is one that doesn't agree with you but could not love you more. It is a total delight - like the hip hop violinist. Imagine that!

gratitude...

I am going through a Frank Sinatra phase. I'm talking serious. A $9/20 songs commitment. I have a few Old Blue Eyes crooners on my Pod but this is full out, dressed - I am heading back to the fifties.

There was no Frank played at home. We were a Louie Prima and Jerry Lee Lewis kinda of house. Nancy Wilson was there a bit and lots of blues were all well stock in our musical pantry. AFter my parents split for good, my uncle moved in and brought his crazy with him and we added Wilson Pickett, The Isley Brothers and Johnny Mathis to the mix.

DH and I went out to dinner the other night at a resturant that did not ask, would you like fries with that? He needed a big steak and I needed to hear Frank Sinatra playing in the background. At once, I decided I needed a new phase and I am now well on my way.

Editing photos to Frank is so delicious. I LOVE photo editing and when the music is right, wow. When you have pictures like this to edit and the person LOVES them - that is even more fun. Quite a night at my house.

In the midst of all this fun and frolic, there is always the flip side. The side of Real Life that you don't want to hear. The return diagnosis of cancer, or another job or house loss and at this time of the year, another empty place at the table but they too are a part of all of life, and they too, have to be given their due.

Starting this week with a renewed mind set and keeping Frank close by. The fifties were a gentler time. The world outside my home was a safer place to be than inside my home but now, it is different and I have the both of best worlds and I never, ever forget it...

show and tell...

N is for nana.

I was Show and Tell today.
not at Show and Tell but it. I was it.

When Miss M found out the letter N was the share letter, she picked me. Wow, she picked me.

Never a question or other candidate. N is for nana.

So I showed up at preschool and during Share Time was introduced to the class. We talked a bit about nanas and grandma and their roles in our lives. I explained that nana's usually had stuff in their pockets and pulled out some yummy pink lipgloss for my favorite preschooler. There was some talk about passing me around but we decided on high fives instead.

You haven't lived until you have been chosen as the S&T. You have got a lot of Love going on to be chosen. There are so many other ways she could have gone. Nose, nails, the number nine or nests. So many to pick from and she chose me. I am flying a little high, in case you can't tell.

Afterwards, she went off to a playdate and I went to Cabela's to do my Gage Christmas shopping. Pick her up a few hours later and together we went to pick her brothers up from school. A great day.

Gratitude doesn't begin to explain how I feel. I know how lucky I am and I am going to embrace every Moment of it. No time to be timid or humble. Nothing but love. In teh words of Sally Field's, They love, they really love me...

home...

Never did we expect to pay such a high price at home." -Lt. Gen. Cone at Fort Hood memorial

Home is suppose to be a safe haven. It is where we run to at the end of each and every day. Home lets us stop and get a bit of perspective before going out in the cold, cruel world...but when home turns on us, where do we go.

Coming from a place where home was anything but safe, I can tell you that you can, with a lot of work, make home safe again. The way I feel about home now is now, a good one. It is all the things a home should be and more. A place to talk, cry, confess and just be. A place for the tears to come and be healed. A place that in the Moment is one that I know the way to. It is also the Place that I understand the bigger meaning of Home.

The Home we will go to Someday. The home where there will never be a balancing act between good and bad. A place that will always be safe, always be exactly what we have imagined. Short of being in our real Home, the ones we have here, will do just fine.

I am not talking about furniture, or carpet or art. I am talking about those that make it a home. Where someone has taken it to heart, what a home should be.

There are 13 families today who never imagined that their loved one's would die in this manner. They were there to protect each and every one of us. Sometime home is not safe. Sometimes, home is cruel and is filled with unusual punishment.

Just a reminder that from Moment to Moment, we jsut don't know. When you get home tonight, look around and give yours a hug. A big hug...

blur...

Blessed are those who on a regular basis have a dark day in which despair seems to be a step behind them wherever they go.Rob Bell

I have learned to accept the fact that some of my photos are going to be blurry. I have also learned it is not all my fault. When you shoot moving children, that is just a fact. That is the way it is and the sooner you understand that, the sooner life gets better. You go through each batch, throw away the ones you can't fix in Lightroom and move on. It use to be like pulling teeth to throw these photos away. The What If scenario would play for days in my head. No more. I get it now. One less thing on the old hard drive.

The same goes for Real Life. In Real Life, the blurs are called expectations. Take people for example. We expect alot from people. People we know, people we love, people we admire and people, we don't even know. If you think about it, we really have no reason why we should. The first chapter of Genesis starts out nice enough but it goes awry in short order and goes down hill from there. The people that God chooses for what very well be the most important event of their lives, well, seem to screw it up more often than not. The blur has been there from the start but somehow, we choose to ignore it. It's not in every frame but you could play a pretty good game of Whack A Mole as it pops open pretty regularly.

I took several pictures of Gage and Keaton and Gage is blurry in every one. He was too busy checking out everything to have hsi picture taken but when he showed some interest in Slim Whitman, I had to pull out my camera. Gage thought Slim looked interesting but quickly lost interest in my explanation and had to move on.



That's ok with me.
I understand Gage
and blur...love them both.

Slim Whitman, not so much...

hope, Part 2

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

This is what hope looks like. If you know Stellan's Story, check out MckMama's blog. Depair to Hope in one day. Never give up...

hope...

There is a strip mall church right by DD's house and right next to Sonic. Needless to say, I pass by there often. They do the cutesty sign thing that irritates me so but last week, I just couldn't shake it.

Jesus - an alternative to despair... Really, so let me get this straight. No Jesus, Despair everywhere and with Jesus, no despair. Doesn't sound right to me. There were daily Sonic runs last week and there would be that sign. We are a hit and run culture. Stop light attention spans, you have about 5 seconds to get our attention and then we are off to the next thing.

I got home and after being mad that this sign was ruining the whole human race, one sign reader at a time, I went over to Wikionary to see the proper meaning of the word despair even though I already knew what it was and it said,

despair To be hopeless; to have no hope

I stopped in my tracks. My definition of despair was a bit different. The sign was right, I still didn't like the working but it was right. When you choose to accept that Jesus is who He says he is, life doesn't automatically get better, in fact, it can and often does - get worse but the one thing that does come with Him is hope. Part of what He offers is hope. Not that everything well now be hunky dory (did I really just type that?) Everyone will be and stay healthy, bills will all be paid and husbands will remember anniversary's complete with flowers and a cellist.

The part that we need to take ownership of is to accept that we are no longer hopeless. That there is hope that Someday, it will all make sense. In that hope, our part is not only to accept it but live it. The understanding of hope is what made me do a 360 turnabout in capital punishment. It was a long process but I finally decided that because of the hope I had come to believe it, I could defer my revenge. That is how I feel now, I hope I always will.

Speaking of hope, Stellan is back in the hospital and surgery is going to happen soon. It is less than ideal and more than very scary. Stellan Story is one of hope that I have been able to sharing and learn about hope in the midst of what I thought was despair but isn't. As long as there is hope, despair can't be. It is one or another, no matter how the Story goes or ends - we get to pick which one we will live...

Shelbie Lynn...

It was over 15 years ago that Shelbie and her mom came to live in our home and hearts. We had no idea how much she would come to mean to us and because of a series of more events, she was destined to be with us for a short time.

As you can see, she stole our hearts. We were smitten. After staying with us, we would still see her when she and her mommy would move in with our DD. It was a wonderful time and I remember tell God, if I never got my own grandchild, having Shelbie in my life was enough...and I really meant it.

She was the delight of our lives and we couldn't wait for the next time we would see her. It was more of those wonderful Surprises that you don't see coming and are living before you realize it. By then, you are totally sucked in and loving it.

The last time I saw Shelbie's mommy was quickly in passing at the Extreme Makeover thing with Ty in Middleton a few years ago. So I knew which town she had moved too but we didn't get to exchange any more information. I had brief thought about wandering the streets of Middleton in hopes of running into them. With little information to go on, my idea quickly faded.

Friday's mail brought a card with the familiar handwriting that I instantly recognized. Remember the old days before email? You knew who your mail was from because of the handwriting, didn't even have to look at the return address, you knew. Inside was a wonderful card and pictures of Shelbie and her sisters. She is driving now, hard to believe and a soccer star. I sent off a card and pictures of Keaton, Gage and Morgan and hope that we will do a coffee run sometime and catch up. I would love that.

There is always someone to Love in this life. You never know who is going to come your way. The only thing you can do is be ready. Open your heart, take it all in and be ready for anything. Nothing last forever but Love...

Once in a Lifetime...

Imagine never having to imagine.

Wedding package for 50 guests.
Once-in-a- lifetime wedding ceremony inside the Magic Kingdom Park with Cinderella Castle as your backdrop
Private planning session with celebrity weddingplanner David Tutera
Custom-designed dinner reception, surrounded by Disney magic.
"Kiss Good Night" dessert party with decadent sweets and a spectacular custom- designed wedding cake
Magic Kingdom Portrait session, plus photographer and videographer for the wedding day.
Bridal couple enjoy four nights deluxe accommodations at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort & Spa.

All for only $198,000... oh, and you have to be a member of Sam's Club. Sounds like a deal to me - where do I sign up?????

observe...

As I watch all family struggle with sickness, I do it not only with a heavy heart but from a state of wellness. My crazy uncle use to say, You can't learn when you are talking - all you can say is what you know. He was correct. More to the point, we need to learn more and worry about what we can teach someone, less.

With that, shouldn't we observe at least as much as we talk? Shouldn't we learn at least as much as we try to instruct? Do you know it all or is there Something we can learn everyday?

We are still in the middle of much physical sickness. There is more time to observe and I am taking advantage of every moment. Whether waiting for a long time at the doctor's office while denying that one is sick, it was pretty easy to see that all was not well. You can learn a lot by just paying attention. You don't have to say a word or have one said to you. Actions speak louder than words. Instead of asking if anyone feels better, I am just going to watch them and find out for myself...

bits and pieces

Finally, the main reason I haven't been focusing on my blog is that I have been sweetly blessed and am so excited to tell you that I am, well....Angie Smith( Audrey Caroline's mommy)


It's interesting to see that people are much better at putting up with things that happen to them than they are at living with the consequences of a bad choice. Seth Godin

In a conference this morning, Dr. B and Dr. A in Boston (by phone, of course) told me and my husband that they both agreed that Stellan needs to go to Boston this week. We all agreed it was in Stellan's best interest, since he is stable, for him to get out of the hospital for a few days. He and I will leave via normal commercial flight on Thursday. Through that coming weekend, lots of things will be looked at and adjusted. It would be great to avoid an ablation, and if we can , we still will. But no one is entirely hopeful. If all goes in the direction everyone thinks it is going to go, then Stellan will have a cardiac ablation (again) on Tuesday morning, the 10th of November, by Dr. A and some of his electrophysiology colleagues. My husband will join us in Boston the Monday before the surgery. (Stellan and his mommy left the hospital today for a few days respite before leaving for Boston)

Seriously, has anyone seen my motivation? I've put up posters around the neighborhood offering a reward Facebook post from Ms Klein. I feel her pain.

From Twitter and Ali Edwards - One of Simon's spelling words this week: dude.

This year marked a milestone—not necessarily a good or bad one—wherein one of my children decided to hit the Halloween party circuit rather than stay-at-home, carve pumpkins and trick-or-treat with her ever-loving family,Cathy Zielske Inevitable change

Last but not least, Danielle - "Someone needs to tell her today," the social worker said, as I gathered my things up off the desk.

"I'm late for clinic," I replied, "and besides, this really isn't even my patient."

But the social worker was as persistent as he was right, and so, running forty minutes behind, I dropped my papers back onto the desk and went out into the hallway as the harbinger to the end of her world.

I took short, staccato steps to the room, and drug her out to the end of the hallway. Away from her husband, but by the window, and a chair. She sat, and I stood, knowing full-well that this was the worst way to do it, but not being able to help myself.

I started saying all the things I was supposed to say--all the truth we'd been holding up inside of us for weeks. The words charged out, tumbling across my lips, spilling down onto the floor, splashing around her feet and filling up the space in between us. I kept talking and didn't even take a breath. I knew, when I saw her eyes, that I had said enough, but I could not turn off the words. They just kept coming. As the tears spilled down her cheeks, the words streamed forth, creeping up to our chests, threatening to drown us.

When I was finished, she was speechless and the letters began floating dead around us, she hung her head. Shame squeaked underneath my wet shoes as I turned and walked away.

Life is made up of bits and pieces. Everyday we take in so much information. The hard part is trying to figure out what to throw away and what to keep. It will be a lifelong challenge and joy that will have to be lived in unison...

my favorite month...

It is my favorite month. It is not a calendar month, per se. It starts about 11PM Halloween and ends promptly at midnite Thanksgiving Day, whatever the date.

The reason? It is a whole month where gratitude is the main focus. For me, it is a precious time not only to look and be thankful for what and who are in my life but to add to what I already know about gratitude. It is a time to breathe. A time to reflect. A time to make nice.

Because of its place in the calendar year, we know that the Biggestness of the Year is right around the corner but for these heavenly 25+ days, we have little to concentrate on by each other. Nothing to plan, to shop for, to bake or decorate for. The weather still has some great days that I am certain, it saves just for this time. It make everyone like the color orange, even if just for a while. It is a time to let go and imagine what could be if we had a bunch of blank spaces in our lives. It is a month of sweaters, blankets, books and hot chocolate. It is also a time to take as much time as you need to get your head on straight. To figure out, yet again, what we really need, what is necessary - to separate the important from the essential.

Despite the sickness that we are now experiencing, I am so grateful that I can hold a sick baby for as long as need be. Nowhere to be, the only thing that really needs to be shopped for is food and gasoline, unlike last week when we spent over 4 hours in a ToysRUs store, holding on to our loot - waiting for a sale. In our defense, we did save over $100 and right now, none of us ever want to step foot in that store again.

My first day was the perfect start to my month. Quiet, picked up a few groceries and hit Sonic at Happy Hour. Worked on a few halloween pictures and swirled more than a few thoughts thru my mind. Food for thought, just the way this month should be...

H1N1...

has reared its ugly head in my family. Miss M has had it since Wednesday - no trick or treat and by last night, she wasn't showing signs of missing it. Earlier in the day, she had ralied but there would be no more bee costume for halloween 2009 - it would be replaced by comfy clothes. Happy to get the few shots that we did.
This morning the official count is everyone in three families is down except for me, nana's papa and Keaton. Grandma Sue who had a preplanned trip to Virginia left yesterday and by this morning, had been to the hospital, diagnosed with H1N1 and was told to spend her vacation in bed. I can't imagine being that sick and so far away from home.

Our Halloween was a bit on the less than partyish side but we had decorations, good food a few in costumes and we were together. Looks like we will be spending a lot more time together this week. I may be a bit hit and miss here but Real Life must go on and the last one standing is the new Florence Nightingale.

I guess my thoughts are we all need to step back everyone in a while and dive in. Making those who need too, take medicine and drink, drink, drink. This flu has frightened us all, especially since it seems to attack kids more than Big People. I have never had a flue shot and don't intend to. Despite my sometimes less than stellar care of this earthly body I have been given, it has supported me extremely well. It must be that 100% German in me that has a constant, "Bring It On!" unspoken policy that I am usually unaware of. It runs in the background and is always on, even when I am not.

I have spent a good amount of my time the last four days with Miss M on my lap. WE have watched lots of Calliou, World's Funniest Video and whatever else was on. Wrapped up in Grandma Dille's old quilt, we make the rounds. Drink, potty, paper towels for sneezes ( tissues will not hold what we are catching), taking temps and lots and lots of TLC. Wouldn't have it any other way, I was meant to play Florence Nightingale - it is my destiny...

experience...

Windows 7.
Got the opportunity to buy a upgrade this summer and I jumped on it. Vista and I have had our problems and I was more than ready to move on but the idea of upgrading and not getting myself in over my head bothered me ever since I pulled the trigger and told Best Buy to send a copy my way.
The UPS man brought it on Monday and it sat on the dining room table until I got the guts to to give it a shot. Everything was backed up, just in case and my experience has been that just in case is usually the default.

I put in the disk and pushed, Let's Go! My first issue was to uninstall my security software. Done, moving on - then I had to dump iTunes and reinstall later. Ok, iTunes backed up, downloaded a few tunes yesterday - didn't want to lose my 2 bucks worth of new music.

Then, there was the message that the new operating system did not have a email program and would support the one I had. After some searching, I downloaded the Mail program from Windows Live and it sucked in all my information. Big bullet dodged and onward and upward. The rest of the install went pretty smooth and to my surprise, I lost nothing and everything looked good. Later in the afternoon, I would find that the Flash Player was not compatible with the 64 bit system and had to revert back to the 32 bit (if you need help, let me know) and now I am ready to go.

I remember the days when there was no Google, no support and DH and I spent days trying to figure this computer thing out. I was pretty sure this would be the case but I was wrong. My old experience has been replaced by my new experience.

I like the idea of a less than perfect experience being replaced by a better experience. It opens up a whole new world of possibilities. What else am I missing? I need to explore other avenues in my life where a replacement is not only needed, but probably is right there for the asking.

None of us share the same Journey, only the path. I have not been in your shoes nor you in mine. On those rare occasions that we do share an experience, the results can be completely different, in some cases, polar opposites.

By sharing our Journeys, we share similarities that can be converted for our particular path. If you decide to upgrade to Windows 7, I hope your experience is similar to mine. If not, buy a new computer with 7 already installed. Walk your path...

side effects...

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Isaac Newton.

We have all heard it and experienced it. I think side effects is a good analogy of action fall out. Get a bunch of people dressed alike, take their pictures and there is bound to be trouble!

Medicine - you either get better or worse.
Choices - it may go well or really, really bad.
Love - you take the chance, that your heart may be broken.

The quote alone, would make a normal person assume that doing any action - is not worth it. The idea of Something going wrong on its own with no action on my part brings enough anxiety without me adding to it. We aren't crazy about side effects. If you have ever had one, you will not soon forget it.

I marvel at these commercials for meds where the side effects are way worse than what the possible benefits are. Who in their mind would sign up for that?

Yesterday I discovered that the blond streaks I have been enjoying in my hair are grey hairs that when colored with an ash brown dye, look fabulous. A good side effect. Do you ever think of SE as a positive? Not me - chemotherapy is what usually comes to mind. Love it when a lesson learned is not what I expect. It tells me there is much more to learn...and unlearn. Everything is not as it seems and there are many more surprises to come. I just need to be ready and if I forget, all I need to do is look in the mirror...

where the streets have no name...

So it's about 945PM last night and I check into Twitter to see what is happening and what do my wandering eyes catch but U2 about to go live in concert on YouTube at the Rose Bowl. There would be no early nighty night for me.

Starting at 10PM and going on for over 2 hours, it was the most spiritual Moment of the week. There is Something about them that goes where no music dares to and when they started belting out, Amazing Grace - I lost it.

Think of it. Where The Streets Have No Name - sounds like heaven to me.
Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, is the anthem of my life.

I don't care how much you love Jesus, or trust Him or believe in Him - this side of heaven, we are not complete. It will not make sense, we will not find what we are looking for. The answers jsut won't come no matter how hard we try. No time to lay it all out and try to make sense of us to satisfy our need to know and that is ok. Maybe better than ok. Don't waste time trying to solve the unsolvable.

Still haven't found what I'm looking for... and I think when I do, the streets will have no name...

There's no place like home...

Ruby slippers - there not just for wishing, they look darn good too. Girls are about looking good while boys believe it is all about superheros. While they would seem to be miles apart I think they lead to the same journey. One that will carry us from place to place. One that gives us the lives we have because of the choices.

Regardless of that journey, on of the paths lead each of us home. Home, the place we rest, recharge and hang until its is time to go out and love the world again. It is where we think our deepest thoughts, veg out in the front of the TV and make the best frappuccinos ever. It is not about how many bedrooms and bathrooms we have, it is about making it a safe, inviting place for those who live there. It is making the best of what you have and appreciating it. Now, imagine not having a home.

In my town of over 80,000 there are 500 homeless kids in the school district.Last year, there were 149. There is also a new classification of families - car families. The truth is this is unfamiliar territory. Imagine trying to care about school when you have no place to live and not sure if you are going to eat. It makes me cringe and it makes me think about how I spend my money. The whole flu thing has been making me crazy last week. I am on Facebook and Twitter while there are people all around who have no way to tweet and if they did, what would they say? I am hungry, cold and have no where to study.

There's no place like home - Dorothy was right, she was oh so right...

fairy tale...

Once upon a time...This is exactly how I saw it in my mind. We had been waiting for a break in the weather and schedules to make it happen but last Thursday, it all came together.

We took 2 vans and packed it a bunch of props to make what we saw in our minds, come true in the forest. Miss M could not have been a more willing model. She was even more accommodating than Teddy. She had 2 shooters and did her best to give us, what we ask for.

Because Miss M and I also had a sleepover on Thursday, editing would have to come later. While popa and Miss M played, I got a peek at what was in teh camera and felt confident, that all was right with the world. I worked on some yesterday and already have one framed.

This is what childhood should look like. Like a fairy tale. Not devoid of chores and responsibilities but to have the ability to play, laugh and play. There is another set of pictures where Teddy has been replaced...by me. I knew it would have to be. Years from now, I hope Miss M looks at these pictures and see the love that surrounds her. The play that we all encouraged for her. May she know that the love her nana has for her is deep and wide. Smart enough to know that life isn't about fairy tales and that Sometime, it will be very hard but if she can keep herself open to the fairy tales when they come her way and enjoy them - she will be ahead of many of us...and they all lived happily ever after.

RJZ...

I was checking out the goods at Grandma Sue's garage sale this summer and came across this old suitcase. I thought it was cool and then I saw the initials - RJZ. I knew GSue's dad was Robert Zander so I asked it this was her dad's and it was. I grabbed it up. I couldn't let anyone else buy it. I needed to keep it for the kids, they have a strange attachment to this man they have never met but discuss quite a bit.

When Keaton was younger, he talked about him all the time. It was a bit eery - like the two of them were conversing. Keaton talked about him like he lived across the street. He died many years ago - of a heart attack while camping. My daughter never met him but the Stories have kept him alive to all of us.

So, I paid my $2 and brought the suitcase home. I am keeping it for the kids - not sure that they will be thrilled but don't want to miss the chance to keep this piece of their Story for them. His wife Gigi, is a delight to all of us. She has been in declining health but still, every time you see her, she is so glad to see you even if she doesn't recognize you. She misses her man and will be with him soon. We don't have any luggage of hers but we have had her around and many memories that will last forever.

If Morgan had been a boy, I suggested Zander as the name of choice. I think I had a pretty good chance of that happening and still thought it would be good when we found out she was a girl but it was not to be. We semi kid that if there were anymore Smith babies (which no one anticipates), we know it would be twin boys and then the race for name #2 would be on. That and a lot of other things.

We used RJZ suitcase for Miss H's photoshoot last week. Probably should use it in one of the kids shoot this weekend but not sure that if fits the theme. Maybe it seems strange that I would be the one preserving family history for another but I really feel, it is my lot. My grandkids have a rich and colorful family history on both sides. From Spain to Costa Rica, there are many, many Stories that merged and now have become, their Story. I hope to leave them a suitcase of memories so they can add to it and pass the suitcase on...

buy one...

get two free... Really? I am no brain surgeon but this doesn't sound right and as we all know, if it doesn't make sense, it isn't true but,

This is a real ad for a men's clothes store. Do I really think I am going to get 2 items of clothing for free, just by paying for 1. Which begs the next logical thought, how MUCH does that 1 thing cost? Maybe they are the dumbest retailers in the world, maybe they will be going out of business after this current promotion - now that, makes sense.

Pioneer Woman's current contest is on her cooking tab and it is a very nice Cuisinart food processor. I am the 28,062 person to leave my comment and I must say, I am feeling pretty good about my chances. Here is something that makes sense, someone has to win and it might as well be me. I feel much better about myself believing I may win a food processor than if I believed that buying 1, getting 2 free was a good deal. As the TV commercial says, Common sense isn't very common. Amen brother and at the end of the day, believe what you will - and remember you will be making choices based on those beliefs. Rarely do you get something for nothing, watch your back and be real. In the long run, the Road is littered with many distraction, pick carefully...

Jones Soda Co...

Last week I submitted a few photos to the Jones Soda gallery. A couple of Miss H and one of Miss M. Received a email last night that the staff picked Miss M's fall photo to be passed to judges for publication. How fun is that? My girl could be on Jones Soda bottles across the country.

Being out there in public is a scary place. There is a reason you have to ok people on Facebook to be your friend. I have been approached by two strangers and have denied them both. Would rather hurt feelings than be sorry. No brainer for me.

They say to put a watermark on all your photos that you post on the internet. Last year there was a woman who had stolen several people's photos off their blogs and put them on her own. They all confronted her and she FINALLY took them down, no consequences other than shame and that was lost on her.

I picked that photo on purpose, there will be plenty of time for her to meet her public face to face when she gets a bit older. I did submit Gage's picture to the Costco contest and it is a face shot but he is laughing as he throws his head back and his eyes are closed. It could be any blond, gorgeous boy!

I will be ordering my yearly Christmas case of Jones Soda with the kid's picture on them soon. Thinking about the bright blue this year and I always have their faces but it is only for us. When they grow up, they will each have memories of being our rock stars and that should be enough for anyone. To know you are loved enough to have your face put on a bottle of pop. Now that is love...

perfect...

You know the feeling...

That feeling that comes from being wildly and insanely happy in a home run Moment. Instinctively we know that Lady Luck is just that luck and more than likely, there was hours and hours of practice to get that shot. That million to one shot that actually happens the way we see it in our dreams but never expect to see, when we are awake.

Even as I watched Dude Perfect, I am rooting and cheering for them. We take on each other's jubilation as our own and find ourselves jumping up and down, screaming in front of the TV when a football team makes an unbelievable play. It is a feeling that the world isn't as bad as we thought and that there just might be some hope for the future. It's called living on the Mountain Top and while we know that we can't stay there, many of us would pay just about any price to do just that. Most of life is lived in the Valley Below, where excitement seems to be a hit or miss deal.

Love these guys, they made me holler in a way that made DH come into my office to see what all the shouting was about. Now that, is something...

comfort...

and joy.
That is what comes to my mind immediately. Then, mashed potatoes and homemade chocolate pudding.

Comfort (Wiktionary)
a contentment, or ease
a consolation, something relieving suffering or worry
a cause of relief or satisfaction.

We all receive comfort from many common areas then we branch out, go our own way and fine tune what brings us the comfort we so desperately seek. We seek comfort in the good and bad times, in want or in plenty and we seek it often.

As my thoughts about comfort would indicate, comfort to me is about the good things. The things that bring happiness and good will but I think there is a dark side to comfort. One, most of us would rather not think about.

My experience tells me there is a kind of comfort where rational thinking flies out the window. It is a place where bad feels good because it is better than the unknown. A place where comfort hugs itself to the ground and won't let go. Where the idea that this false comfort, it better than seeking out true comfort. I know that feeling and I know how real it feels.

We hear Story after Story about kids begging to go back to dysfunctional homes. Wives going back to homes where they are physically assaulted - men too. Hard to believe there could be contentment, ease or comfort in those kinds of situations but there is and we humans continue, like the songs says, Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places.

If it doesn't make sense, it's not true... Good old Judge Judy. If we could use that philosophy in our lives more often, how would it change what we believe? what we do? How we act and respond?

I am a lucky woman. I have a better handle on comfort now. It looks like cozy slippers and hot chocolate. I am not longer willing to invest in false comfort - life is too short and the stakes are too big...

having fun...

Did you have fun today? Yesterday or the day before that? Since I am experiencing delayed childhood syndrome, I try to have some kind of fun everyday and if I can't actively find some, I make my own.

I tell myself my favorite joke which always brings a smile yet I can't repeat here. I do a stand up routine for DH when he gets home and if I can make him laugh, my work is done. I often get in trouble along with the kids and am shushed or worse. I don't see any of it changing soon. To those whom it may concern, you just better hope it doesn't get any worse!

Child likeness is necessary for creativity. I didn't know that I had a creative bone in my body until I embraced the child likeness. Had I not missed a few steps in the beginning, I am not sure there would have been any creativity discovery in my life.

Many boo hoo the art of play. They are wrong. Everyone needs a bit of play and to not understand that is to miss a Big Lesson. The first time I saw Tom Hanks dance on the big floor piano in Big, I was stunned. Was there such a thing and how fast can I get there. I have looked for the elusive piano ever since - looks like a road trip to me. Forget the museums and churches - I've got bigger fish to fry...

online community...

There are so many good thought patterns going on out there. It is community in a way that no matter how good ours are - they are just that...ours...singular...one. When you find community in thought, you can take a shortcut to being a better person. None of the greatest ideas in the world will do you any good if you never take them from your head to your heart. Knowledge is like food sitting on a shelve in the pantry. Pretty useless unless you eat it. These three short from my blog community spoke to me yesterday. I have never met Seth and Danielle but would love too. We are very simpatico, Miss Trisha, on the other hand - I have known since, well forever. Now based in Pennsylvania, I live vicariously with her and looking at the world through a 20 year old's eyes.
You can't believe what you can learn in community. Your Story mingles with theirs and the outcome can be outstanding. Thank you guys.

Make a Decision - Seth Godin
It doesn't have to be a wise decision or a perfect one. Just make one.

In fact, make several. Make more decisions could be your three word mantra.

No decision is a decision as well, the decision not to decide. Not deciding is usually the wrong decision. If you are the go-to person, the one who can decide, you'll make more of a difference. It doesn't matter so much that you're right, it matters that you decided.

Of course it's risky and painful. That's why it's a rare and valuable skill.

Sunday - 6 year med
I know this guy who had a heart transplant a few years ago. Now he rides a motorcycle and refuses to wear a helmet. He says that motorcycle accidents lead to organ donors, and that's the only reason he's gotten to live this long.

I think that is really stupid and lovely all at once.


Lord beer me strength - yesterday's awakenings

you've heard the story

you know how it goes

once upon a garden we were lovers with no clothes

fresh from the soil

we were beautiful and true

in control of our emotions till we ate the poison fruit

and now it's hard to be a decent human being

and this is why we struggle to do things on our own and walk our dogs without making eye contact with our neighbors. because we really do crave to be in relationship and community with one another, it's how were created, it's a desire that comes from our basic humanity. but because of our broken choices, we are left with this severed relationship to everything around us - especially with each other.

so community becomes a restoration of the true and beautiful picture that God first laid out for us. we are embracing the purity of ourselves by being in community with one another.

the familiar...

As you can always count on there being a pumpkin patch in your future during the fall season, there are other things were the familiar often stand alone.

Gage and I had been out shopping a few weeks ago - one of the things we both like is old books. We were checking out them out at the Grace Place, and he started asking questions about the hymnals. He handed me a red Nazarene one and said, Did you use to to use these at your old church? When I answered yes, he had to own it.

I understand why. In his short 7 years, he has only known 2 churches and both use continually changing music on overhead screens. The Church of the last 15 years has seen music that changes with the season, with the year, with the whim of the music director. Many churches are this way and this has been his experience. He needed more and I get it.

As I read through the first pages of that familiar songbook, the words of the old songs came rushing back. I admit, I longed for a Nazarene sing a long. Something happens when choices are limited. Most of the time we think of that as a bad thing but sometimes, not so. In fact sometimes, it feels awfully good...

the 12 disciples...

It has been a cold, windy stay-inside type of weekend. Off and on for the last two days, I have immersed myself back in the West Wing series. I am guessing we will not see TV like this again - there is Something about it that speaks to me on a very emotional level. Politics, religion, sarcasm and great thinking - what is not to love? On a very basic level, watching these Stories gave me back some of the perspective that I had lost last week. I am now back on track, thanks to President Bartlet, Toby, Josh, CJ, Sam and Mrs Landingham. These people, this fictional people I know like my own family.

During one of the scene, President Bartlet was talking to a serious, committed christian leader. He turned to the man who had been trying to explain his undying love to Jesus and asked the man, Who are the 12 disciples of Christ? The man hesitated and then named the 12. All of them. Seemed like a pretty fair question and as for me, I fell short, way short.

Shouldn't one who claims to be a follower or Jesus Christ be able to name his inner circle? Wouldn't you think that would be pretty basic material? I can honestly say, I don't remember a lesson where the names of those disciples ever came up. We have all seen the Last Supper either in photos or live performance. Most of us, followers or not - have heard of Judas. Growing up, I heard his name daily. I didn't know who he was but I knew if someone was mad, his name would be coming up pretty quick.

So, I Googled them, put them in alphabetical order and am working on memorizing them. Maybe it's not a big deal but to me it is. This is something I should know. Not for bragging rights or to be spiritual superior but because for me, it is the right thing to do. I am not there yet. I have always had a bad memory and it ain't getting any better but I am working on it. Those who Jesus chose to mentor, they need a place in my heart.

Peter
Andrew
James, brother of John
John
Philip
Bartholomew
Matthew
Thomas
Thaddeus
Simon
James, the less
Judas

Paul replaced Peter
Mattias replaced Judas

Somewhere...

between A Bird in the Hand is worth more than two in the Bush and Easy come, Easy go... is where most of life is lived out,

Inbetween having your internal security system in hyperdrive to mostly comatose is where you want to shoot for. A nice balance, living time for the crazies and the unexpected.

I remember thinking and feeling, I couldn't wait to grow up. In my defense, I had good reason to imagine life could only get better. I didn't give one iota of thought to gaining weight or getting wrinkles. Mainly it was about getting a fast car and well, driving fast - with the music turned up loud. How could I ever have imagined an IPod or the internet. Now that, would have been seriously cool to know back then.

Our lives, ying and yang. We do tend to favor one camp over another. There are times when safety and security are the guardians of our life cruise and other times, when we throw caution to the wind. Neither is good or bad or better than the other. It is jsut the way we roll depending on our life experience but however you roll, it is always good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and see how the other halof lives. Try it, you'll like it...

the sun on your face...

Hard to imagine being anywhere else.
The sun on your face,
your mind, in the Moment.
Captured forever,
yet just the beginning.

If we can learn to dream,
we can go beyond where we think.
We can dream of what could be,
and still live with, what is.

To feel the sun on your face,
is to know you are able to do more,
than you imagine. More than can be understood.
It is to know that one is loved...beyond measure...

the future...

There is more about God that we don't understand than we do understand...

The future always seems so elusive, so foreign. Not only do you have no idea what is going to happen minute to minute but most attempts at trying to predict the future, see us come up short. We all have plans and dreams - if nothing comes between us and those plans, we head off with a bit of confidence that we are in some kind of self fulfilled future.

Try as I may, this concept of a future laptop isn't how I envisioned it. While very cool, most of my ideas of the future revolve around what I learned on from George, Jane, Judy, Elroy and Astro Jetson. It worked for me many years ago and still seems viable now. I hope to see a Jetsons proto type car before I die. There is a lot of air space that we are not using. Maybe those 65 and older could use the ground and the rest, could take to the air. The thing is we really have no idea what life will look like in 5 or 20 years from now. All we really do is speculate.

For those who believe that Jesus is who He says He is, the future is something that is not much of a mystery. It has pretty much been laid out. Not all the details but the basic premise. We all know that however we got here and whatever lives we have lived, it ends the same for everyone of us. Everyone of us. It is the one thing we all share, no one is exempt. No one will walk away, we will all die. Don't know about you but that is a sobering thought. I know it, I can compehend it but when I stop and really think about it, there is a overwhelming sense of uneasiness that I imagine, will always be.

What does the future look like? Where will technology takes us? The future, what does it hold? While I am not sure about much, I am putting all my eggs in one basket. Right or wrong, I have made my choice and plan to stand by it...

the power within...

From my perspective, Pick A Number Between 1-10, is one of the biggest power plays there is. Make no mistake, we all want/have/crave power Somewhere in our lives. Not the kind that will save the world or make us all hold hands but the kind that we can control, completely and thoroughly.

It is not the prettiest side of human nature to witness or be a unwilling partner to. Back to the whole pick a number thing, think about it. You set up the parameter, rules and you get to choose the outcome. It is kind of like getting to vote on your own raise, or getting to pick the interest rate on your mortgage.


There are as many way to mishandle power as there are humans beings. We can screw up everything with little help from anyone but again, there was one only one generation between the Garden and murder and plenty of blame to go around for everyone.

As per Wikipedia, power is defined as the ability to effect change or exert control over either people or things. We have all witnessed the misuse of power over the last year on Wall Street, by Bernie Madoff and hundreds of banks. The news that a young girl taken by a stranger at age 11 and kept for 18 years, and fathering 2 children with her, leaves us with a sense that people, have no ability to handle power in a humane way or in a good way. Power has been taken on many fronts, to a new level. One that can have us watching the breakup of a family on TV as entertainment or even worse, using the wrong criteria to pick role models.

Use your power carefully. With your family, friends and kids. With those who cross your path and those who have your back. Better yet, give it up. Give it up to Someone who can put it to better use. As a people, our track record isn't much to brag about...

FEAR NOT...

This last week has had a running theme. I didn't get that when I had a nightmare the other night and although it didn't make sense because I am not black, I couldn't go back to sleep and had a unrealistic fear settle over me. It is the first time I can remember ever yelling inside during a God-talk.

FEAR NOT, I yelled. I will not be afraid, you can't make me. I am claiming my Fear Not for the day and it covers everything. A couple more shoutouts and it was over. Morning came, fear gone...for now.

We all spend so much of our time fearing everything from soup to nuts. We even imagine things to fear. Things out of the ordinary, things that don't make sense but like the nightmare, have a hold over us. For me, I think it is time to be proactive and use my Fear Not, first thing in the morning. Start my day with the joy of thankfulness and the hope that fear does not have to rule the day.

We have many legitimate things to be fearful of. We live in unsettling times where our lives can be changed in a Moment. Last week, a co-worker of many years lost his grandson in a car accident and our old landlord's lost their grown son in a motorcycle accident. People are losing their jobs, their homes, their marriages. So, When Not If, is a daily concern. A concern that is valid, scary and real. Where do we go from here? How do we start our days if this fear thing is not a figment of our imaginations but alive and well?

That is the great thing, you get to pick. We each get to choose - and I am choosing to not repeat the week I have just had. If I have to shout FEAR NOT everyday until I buy it, I will. I want to be open and honest and that means embracing it all....

fallish...

Fall came fast this week. Very fast.
The cold came rushing in and out came the socks and the long sleeve shirts
and the hot cocoa.

It was also the first official Fall break from school and we had ourselves a few sleepovers. It is our custom to take everybody separately so we get some one on one time. The boys could not be more different as to what they like to do or where they like to eat.

Poppa and I thought it was strange on Wednesday when Gage picked Blimpie"s over Texas Road House, He LOVES TRH and poppa's mouth was watering for a nice steak. I must say, he did a fine job of covering up his disappointment and eating a deli sandwich instead. It was only yesterday while spending time with Keaton, that we found out that Gage's decision was based on a toy that he saw on tv that was suppose to be in the kids' Blimpie meal. Keaton said he wouldn't be doing his dinner the Blimpie way, it was mexican food for him - all the way.

We also love hearing the Stories that the kids share. The kind that start out, we are only suppose to tell this to family, and well, you are our family, It only gets better as they get older. I so love this part.

It is four am and I can't sleep. I watch their little heads and pray for the people they are becoming. I think about all the falls we have had and all the ones to come. I think about going to the pumpkin patch next weekend and the baby pumpkin treats I want to make. Even the discovery that your grandsons could be playing dinner music on the piano at Costco or any lounge in town is a satisfying feeling. I can think of no way better to start the week. A boy, some hot chocolate and the crisp feel in the air. A little Jesus in the morning to put it all into perspective and giving being thankful, a great workout...

Live Strong...

Today, this is my shopping list for what I can eat right now...

Instant Cream of Wheat
V8 juice
yogurt
sugar-free chocolate pudding
Hummus
mashed potatoes
Ritz crackers
rice
itsy bitsy noodles
grated cheese
cottage cheese
Fiber One bars, Oats and chocolate
ice cream - anywhere

The menu varies a bit and I have had trouble with some these foods. If I am at your house and you have homemade hummus or mashed potatoes, don't be offended but I won't try them. I don't add new foods often and if I do, it is at home where my emergency stash of meds will help me get whatever, down.

It has been over 8 years ago since I have eaten what we would all consider, normal. There had been swallowing issues for a long time. but there have been moments when I tried something different and I was over the top, giddy. Most days, it doesn't even bother me. I eat and we are done. Sometimes, like now - it bothers me a bit more. A smell or a well set table make me yearn to participate.

In the Big Picture, it is a small price to pay. Looking around, I know I am a lucky girl. We all have Something in our lives that we wish we didn't. Something that nags at us and we just wish it would go away...and it doesn't. I am a firm believer that Life Is Not Fair and embrace it. Sometimes, I have to imagine eating, say a cheeseburger. It is not really the eating as much as the smells, the anticipation, the juiciest - the experience. I can't imagine the swallowing part - that ship has sailed but this exercise really helps me get through the tough times. Might have to do it several times a day. Sweet and savoy, whatever the craving. Works for me.

Dwelling on it, is not for me. Wishing it weren't so, doesn't work for me either. This is where the AA creed comes in, paraphased - Accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change the things you can. And, God works miracles and as long as you know and live that, whatever your Today looks like - is where you are suppose to be. As the Lance Armstrong people say, Live Strong...

gift certificates...

Two years ago, I donated a photo session and digital page gift certificate to a teen auction at the church. It came in a little fun package with a 12 month time frame for collecting the session. I remember thinking at the time, it was a good thing to put a time frame on the gift certificate because I didn't want someone coming out of left field years later...

So I waited to be contacted...and waited...and waited. I had heard thought the grapevine that my contribution had been merged with a another item so I knew it had been bought but I never heard from whoever bought it...until yesterday.

All the information to contact me had been included, several time - in the package. Email, home and cell phone - every possible way there was 2 years ago to claim their photo session. Yesterday I was contacted by Facebook by the person who bought my certificate. She was not a friend but I guess you can leave someone a note on Facebook without being a friend if it is a private email. This person explained that she had bought the certificate and would be in town this week and could I take pictures for her. I told her no, that I had plans and that was not possible. I told her I wish she had contacted me 2 years ago and we could have taken care of it for her. She acknowledged that the certificate was given to a family member who is not good at following through. I responded that I understood, that we all get busy and to enjoy her Idaho time. Then the response I got back was, Too bad I spent $125. I did not respond back. We were done.

Forget that this person has had over 2 years to contact me and say - Hey, I got yur GC and wondering if we can put it off until Sometime Down The Road? I would have been more than willing to forget the time restraints but to contact me 2 years later, seemed a bit, inappropriate and it made me mad. Over and over in my mind, I tried to take my mad out and finally said, what can I live with? I realized I could live with the the deal as it done. In fact, I am very good with it.

There is a sense of entitlement in our culture. You see in in all generations, young and old. It goes something like this - the rules don't apply to me. You know what - they do if someone makes, even forces you to be accountable. We have allowed people to not take responsiblility in allowing them to continue in doing what they wamt, when they want. With me, not so much.

I am glad this is done.
I always wondered what happened and now I know.
Sometimes, we screw up and it cost us...

fire drill...

I say that with a great deal of confidence because when I got home a few hours later and checked Twitter, there was no school issue going on. While I was stopped at the light, I saw swarms of kids walking along side the building and getting into rows. I grabbed my camera and as I cruised by, snapped these guys hanging out at 1030 in the morning. I could see that these junior high kids were standing in pretty neat rows, actually, it was quite impressive. They had learned well - don't know if they knew it was a drill or the Real Thing but it looked to me, they got it right.

I haven't been a part of a fire drill since high school. One would think that there would be places in Real Life for preventive drills. There is preventive measures for everything from pregnancy to brushing your teeth but for everything else, you are pretty much on your own and we all know how being on our own usually works out.

Real Life means no more automatic fire drills. You are now not only responsible for your behavior and choices but also, fire drills and not just the kind that may save your life if you forget to blow out a candle. With Real Life, doing some drills so you know what to do when you may be called to do it...and you are ready. Maybe not just for you but maybe, to save someone else.

If you haven't thought about an escape route at your home in case of a fire, do it now. Then move out and do a drill in another part of your life. Imagine what you might do and practice it. Maybe take a CPR class, learn the Heimlich Maneuver carry aspirin in your purse ( might save someone having a heart attack) or maybe, just practice keeping your cool in the case of an emergency and doing what needs to be done.

The only place that you can't drill on is God's grace. When you need it, it will be there. Not before. Would love to stockpile prayers but it doesn't work that way. What you can drill on is knowing where to go, when it is time. When not if, there will be a Time when you will need to hit the floor with prayer - all you need to know is where to go. Drill that and you will have it made in the shade...

once upon a time...

I am reading Donald Miller's A Million Miles In A Thousand Years and I feel alot like Rob Bell does,this book is powerful and unsettling. I am only a third of the way thru but I already am having trouble sleeping. In a good way.

Stories, ours - the ones we write and the ones we live. They really have a lot in common, In fact, they are totally interchangeable. The essence of writing a Story is quite simple. To quote Jordan from AMMIATY, A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.

There are lots of things I must sort out...that and finish the book but there are some deep, God truths that are going to come to the surface. I can hardly wait. Why, you ask? Because I can see it leading to,and I never pass up an opportunity to live... happily ever after

bulls eye...

The human spirit is driven by the bulls eye. Even those who live in countries who have no idea about what a dart board looks like or what a bulls eye is, live it each and every day.

We each are driven to aim and hit the bulls eye, no matter who we are, where we live, what car we drive, what religion we belong to. The bulls eye has no competition in keeping up with the Joneses. Only those aiming for the same bulls eye are seen as any kind of competition and they come and go. Our bulls eye's also come and go. They can change daily, sometimes hourly and at their very worst, in an instant. Bulls eye's change with Seasons of life and circumstances we see and don't see coming.

For some of us, getting use to first grade is Bulls eye#1. It has been a hard road and needing good something to aim for. There is now a 9 day break in first grade so hoping all the work will not be undone in Day 10, hoping that dart stays in place, firmly implanted in that center circle. The best case scenario is that there will be a new bulls eye in 10 days...because make no mistake, there is always a bulls eye in our lives. It is what keeps us going and the direction or course that we choose to hit our target determines what life will look like. Whether a drug dealer or student...there is always a bulls eye, always a plan, a vision, a desire.

Pick your bulls eye purposefully, everything else will depend on it...

fall of 1979...

We are only a few days into fall and I am already feeling a new swell of life coming on. There is good news about Elijah, everyone is well and the crispness in the air can not be denied. Boise State is 2-0 and it seems that most everything is well.

A fall season doesn't go by when I don't think about the fall of 1979. It had been a tough summer and unlike 2009, there was much confusion and anxiety. A LDS Boy and a atheist Girl were trying to make their way through the Door been opened to them. There were threats. The LDS Boy told his best friend if he said Jesus loves you one more time, he would deck him and he meant it. It didn't stop his friend and there were never any punches thrown. The atheist Girl on the other hadn't, had a list of questions that she waved in front of her best friend's face, demanding answers, Answers that the friend patiently answered, one by one.

Sometime that fall, it became clear to the LDS Boy and the atheist Girl, that Jesus was who He said He was and they embarked on a now, 30 year journey. There have been ebbs and flows as there have been in Real Life but we have both come to the conclusion that either He is who He says He is...or He isn't. Pick a team. No matter what is happening on the field. No matter how many fumbles, bad calls and unfair Moments, it is what it is and you are either in or out.

I can't wait. The next few weeks I've got some photo shoots that I am so excited about. The backgrounds will be filled with red, golds and greens. Can't wait to shoot my babies for a Christmas picture, beautiful H for her senior pictures and families because really, what else is there?

I am a lucky girl.
These are great times.
Thank you Fall, you have been sorely missed...

time...

My cell phone is dead.
It won't charge,
I am lost.

After spending over a 1/2 hour with a TMobile CS person it was his determination that I needed a new battery and did I want to order one now? He explained that that the phone had a year warranty but the battery only 90 days and since it has been 6 months, I had no other option. I opted to take it to a real life TM locations before ordering a $47 battery. After spending less than 5 minutes with David, he determined that not only did I not need one of his $29sameasthe47dollarone batteries, it wasn't a battery issue at all.

Seems the phone is defective and won't accept the charger's promise of wholeness. After he spent 10 minutes on the phone explaining to a TM CS person how he went thru the process to diagnosis that the battery was not the problem, they finally relented and decided to send me a new, refurbished phone. She also explained to me that if I didn't return the defective phone with the pre paid envelope, I would be charged $300. REALLY, there are people who do not return broken phone. Great money making idea - wish I had a business and thought of this.

She also informed me that if and when they got the phone back, they would check inside and if one of the plastic pins was broke, they would charge me $100 - did I want to buy insurance for $1.99 a month? I have drafted a letter that will be duck taped to the bad phone that says the last 4 times the charger was plugged into the phone, was done by a TM employee. There is no way I am paying the $100 - even the nice man at the TM store said there was no damage to the phone. Old/new phone should be here in 7 days, I am still lost...

When you have time, you can accomplish much. Had I have been working, this would have been long, drawn out task. Even if you work, if you leave big gaps of time to be spent however you need - it is well worth doing...or not doing. That and to hear your DH after a particular long and ugly day say as he is racing back to work, I need another hug...