No, maybe, yes...

Fun Run. Isn't that an oxymoron? Would I ever run in a with a group of people who are in different genres of running, or not running at all, for no less, a season?

No, never, minus a gazillion. Whatever the lowest response is, that is where I come in on that question...but all of life is not lived in the Never. I know, finally I get it.

No, maybe, yes...

While I mostly run hot and cold, black and white, and even, yes and no - there is a Place for, No, Maybe, Yes.

It is usually not a single event for me. There are few times I have said no to something and then in my mind thought, maybe and even fewer times, yes. However, it has happened.

Rarely do I second guess my gut feeling which is always my first response. 80% of the time, I am good with whatever that choice was. It was made in the Moment and is always the way I would choose even 300 days Down The Road. Not always the right one but the one I can live with. The times I have gone into NMY mood immediately was for the wrong reason even if it made someone else happy. The times I changed my vote, after some deliberation, from No to Maybe to Yes, were choices that started with a no but were worth a shot at a do-over. Rarely have they been the wrong choice, even if it wasn't what I wanted to do. if it didn't hurt anyone, and might help someone, it was worth it.

Is this a good way to live? Don't know, it is the only way I know. Is it getter than living in a NMY constant state? I think so. Not every choice need that kind of scrutiny. Some need more, some less. Most of our problems come when we get those two camps mixed up. All hell breaks lose, for everyone.

I had to make a NMY choice today. I did not get the frozen yogurt at Costco. The choice was make over a bit of time. starting before I left for Costco and decided 2 hours later when I walked out with a Diet Coke instead. Baby Steps...

point made...

A while back, I talked about how Miss Sweet Tooth was no where to be found. She had disappeared, a feeling that I never experienced before and seemed to be a blessing in disguise. After weeks after she left, her brother, Mr I Will Never, Ever Have to Eat Another Bite, appeared, Again, this seemed like a dream, come true.

It would turn into a nightmare. I would lose 30 pounds in 6 weeks. I would wake up feeling way past full, not able to even drink 4 ounces of water, let alone, eat. What I always wished would happen, did, yet I was still not happy. Truth be told, I was petrified. Not sure how I would stop this runaway train, a colonoscopy an dmed change, turned everything around.

That experience will never be lost on me. Be careful for what you wish for, you just may get it.


How many other things have I wished for and thank God, were not given? We think we know it all, we think we know best. The If Only's that take over and try to soothe the aches of our minds. Now, Miss ST and her brother are back, stronger than ever but I see them in a new light. I am thankful for them. Not because they are familiar or predictable. I have new respect for them. We are making a new path together, on my part, there is no more wishing they would go away and never come back. I am trying to work with them, explain why their way may not be the best way. I am asking for their help and Sometimes, I am just telling them, no...

multitask...

Most of us don't make our living on being able to solely on multitasking. This gentleman is the expection.

We all multitask at some time, on some level. It is built into the human condition. Some do it better than others, I would dare say that women do it not only better than men but have a broader range of being able to do tasks that are completely unrelated to each other. It is part of the Woman gene pool.

On the other hand, because men live more with easily with their emotions, and can seperate the important from the essential, perhaps with a bit more broad approach, they come in handy also.

I am sure I have offend both men and women with the two paragraphs above. Whilte there are always exceptions to every rule, generalities are what I am describing now.



All that to say this, learn what your strengths are. Don't worry if you can't keep up with your SIL or if your friend's house is always, always neat and tidy and she has kids too. You have been given what you need to start, and then along the Journey, you ask for more. If you run ahead, trying to do in all on your own, you may run into trouble. Baby Steps, if you understand that you can never run ahead and get an extra grip, or whatever you are looking for, then when the Bad Things come, you understand the concept of asking for more. We humans were never meant to store up tasks, emotions and dare I say, most anything. Look at a child, they live in the Moment. We lose that skill as we grow up. We need to be reminded every day. There are Times and Places for thinking about the Big Picture, for today all we need is for this very Moment and while it might seem that surely, we have enough to get through this day, I think that would be thinking that might not hold water.

Today, I am doing ok. DH has a temporary, part time job with long hours. The first few days, I wanted him to quit and stay home with me. I had gotten use to him being here. Monday, I need some new skills because what I was doing, was not working. New skills asked for and thought process changed. Will get through this couple of months and get on with retirement. Funny, how we can unlearn what we would have sworn was ingrained...

911...

Anyone who was 10 years old on 911 will always remember where they were and what they were doing that fateful day. For Frank Culbertson, it is especailly true.

The only American not on earth on 911, was Frank Culbertson. He was with 2 Russian Astronauts at the international Space Station. This is how his recollection of that unforgettable day.

I had just finished a number of tasks this morning, the most time-consuming being the physical exams of all crew members. In a private conversation following that, the flight surgeon told me they were having a very bad day on the ground. I had no idea...

He described the situation to me as best he knew it at ~0900 CDT. I was flabbergasted, then horrified. My first thought was that this wasn't a real conversation, that I was still listening to one of my Tom Clancy tapes. It just didn't seem possible on this scale in our country. I couldn't even imagine the particulars, even before the news of further destruction began coming in.

Vladimir came over pretty quickly, sensing that something very serious was being discussed. I waved Michael into the module as well. They were also amazed and stunned. After we signed off, I tried to explain to Vladimir and Michael as best I could the potential magnitude of this act of terror in downtown Manhattan and at the Pentagon. They clearly understood and were very sympathetic.

I glanced at the World Map on the computer to see where over the world we were and noticed that we were coming southeast out of Canada and would be passing over New England in a few minutes. I zipped around the station until I found a window that would give me a view of NYC and grabbed the nearest camera. It happened to be a video camera, and I was looking south from the window of Michael's cabin.

The smoke seemed to have an odd bloom to it at the base of the column that was streaming south of the city. After reading one of the news articles we just received, I believe we were looking at NY around the time of, or shortly after, the collapse of the second tower.

As he signed off, Culbertson reflected, "I miss all of you very much."

change...

in 12 days, it will official be fall. Every warm day after that should remind us of why some of us love it so.

It never occurs to me that winter is on its way, that is one of the lovely side effects of fall. I am lost in the color, the breeze and the smells of fall that cold, and snow are on its way may be in the back of my mind but never affect the euphoria, that is fall.

Time for hay rides at Linder Farms. picture of the kids in the pumpkin patch, hot cocoa, slippers, reading in front of the fireplace, chili and feeling the wind in your face. When you walk outside, the hot dry air that comes roarin gat you is replaced by wind and falling leaves.

There are few things in life that affect us the way weather does. Those who love winter have very little in common with those of us who would prefer to hibernate for the entire season. I love that there is a Place of each of us. We don't have to agree, or participate but there is a lot to be said for encouragement and respect. Winter People, I love you.

non profit...

DH and I were talking the other day about if things we would like to do if we had means and he said he thinking Non-profit insurance.

I loved his idea. I'm thinking cars, houses - later on, I would find out he meant, medical insurance.

Whether a church, business or even personal finances, your base drives what you do. It is about money. If money is not an issue, the rules of the game can be different. If you don't need to generate an income, how would your model change?

We all need to make money to do what we need to do but after that, whatever that looks like to each of us, what have we sacrificed in mind, body and spirit. If money is not the motivator, what would our personal model look like. If we could think outside the box with no concern for our well-being tied to it, what would our lives looks like? How would they affect others? Could and would we do more for each other?

If we were not so busy chasing our own tails, worring about how we are going to pay for this and that, how would that change the world? The truth is money is a short term and long term motivater. It is a constant in each of our worlds. Are we better people when it is not part of Something we are involved in? Can we look at our lives and see what ratio we live in profit and nonprofit? What ratio should it be? Should it be lopsided? Should we forget about winning the lottery and and do small things?

I love talking photos and when I got my first DSLR, is was about taking photos of my grandkids. Then the thought occured to me, I could make money taking photos of other peoples kids,and gks. The whole process changed, and I had to look at it from a business stand point. After a while, my focus changed. Was I willing to be available on a Saturday afternoon at 430PM when that was the only time a customer could get the whole family together? For me, that price was too high to pay. I went back to taking photos when and where I wanted to. With that change, also came a change in focus. Anytime you add or subtract the issue of money, the focus changes. It has to, and we must each decide on many different levels, where we want to focus. I admit, I would rather live in the non profit world all the time but that is not reasonsable but what is reasonable it understanding that we have a choice and that we exercise that choice. Make it your own...

headphones...

Headphones saved me as a child.

It would be high school before I would discover them but I digress. The summer of my beginning descent into junior high, would bring chicken pox. It also brought music via a transistor radio. My life would never be the same. That summer, with nothing to do but scratch, introduced me to a lifelong love of the All Things, Rock and Roll. Later, when the headphones were brought into the mix, I had found my utopia. Johnny Mathis, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, the hours spent by myself with the music took me out of the unthinkable and into the wonderland.

Have been a fan every since. Years ago, I spent $100 on a set of Bose headphones. They are still my go to headphones today. Must admit, I have a small collection. I carry Apple buds, for the kids (they hurt my ears!) and a black pair of SkullCandy's for me. There are some sort of earpieces in most every room, you never know when you might need them. For Ted Talks on the iPad, they are fabulous. Garrison Keillor on Saturday afternoons, you will never miss a joke. Solitary Moments that allow me to come out and share.

DH and I have listened to a few high end sets of phones and might splurge Someday. Not sure if headphones are a introvert sort of thing, I hope not. There is just Something about the focus or a song, a talk - Something personal and refreshing. Something that soothes the soul and allows one to catch up with life and put it in perspective. Used them last night for a Ted Talk and the creative juices were flowing afterwards. Sometimes, it is the smallest of things that give us the biggest return...

the internet...

We have two Papa Steve's in our family. One, I promised would not be on the internet with a potato between his knees. To the other one, I made no such promise.

The internet is a wonderful and scary place. It seems like one has to take a lot in, then decide what to keep and what not to keep. In theory, we would get better and better at this but there is also an element that keeps giving us, less and less of the of what we need.

Still it is out there, here are a few of the Places that I have been hanging out at lately.

Snapstagram - great little site that will take photos off Instagram and sends you a roll of 12 prints for $6. I know, I know, I don't have a smart phone either but you can still upload your nice, from your computer photos and have them printed in a square format. Have done 2 rolls and I am hooked.

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee - Thursday nights are CCGC night around here. We gather around the iPad and watch Jerry Seinfeld and guest talk about...nothing while riding around in a cool car and having coffee at the local coffee shop. I would love to do this in Real Life and I look forward to every Thursday night.

Storyline - Have been waiting for Don Miller's new book to come out, tomorrow is the day. I firmly believe that each of us has a Story to tell and that we each should tell ours. Don't compare your Story to someone else's. It's not interesting enough, it is too plain - your family needs to hear your Story, no matter what because they will see themselves because they are a part of you. Going to see about maybe putting a little study group together and encouraging each other to see the validity in telling our, own Stories.

As with everything, there is a good and bad side. The internet has changed our lives, the iPad is now, a part of our lives. Knowing how to balance it is the hard work and one, we will must do. It is a new Day, a new way to do things, a new way to think. Throw in a bit of laughter, not a bad way to live...

women and crowns...

I have not been shy about my feelings about women. My first experience was a bad one and lasted until almost my 17th birthday. Little did I understand that it would be still affect me for many years and therapy would be needed to come to terms with it.

In my late 20's, with the advent of going to church, I began to be open to women-type things. Retreats, lunches and other church lady stuff. Never quite comfortable until at a women's retreat, one who would become a dear friend of mine, told me to gear down 10 years ( women who were 10 years younger than me). That advice has proved to be invaluable, through the years. Totally, changed my life.

Except for one, all my girlfriends have come through church. They have filled in the blanks I have missed over the years. Having to play catch up was not Something I saw coming but when you miss a whole chapter in your life, that is Something you have to remedy.

So here I am, barely into my 60's and finding that there are still lessons are, to be learned.

It is alright to be a girl.
It is alright to be a princess.
It is very good to be Queen, of your family.

To me, the lesson is clear. Not only are you the one to whom will defend and fight for your family, you are not one to be messed with. I always thought the crown sent a message of not being serious by it just may be the opposite and that is Something I certainly agree we. Mess with my family, and you will have me and the crown, to answer too. Enter at your own risk...

Smith Summer Olymipcs...

Spent yesterday at the most fun party! Aunt Bebe had us all join in in Carry A Pototo Between Your Legs And Drop It In The Bucket. There was also the Hula Hoop, two at a time so we could each show off your talent, or lack of. It was a wonderful day of family fun and the neighbors, two doors down, ending the night with a live band and there were some smooth moves going on in our yard.

It was such a joy to share this time with kids and Big Kids. Our world doesn't come by it naturally. Aunt Bebe loves her iPad as much as I do but she understands the idea of community, on a greater level. Even the dog, joined in on the fun and as usual, we are told, it will take her several days to recuperate from having the cousins over. but she wouldn't have it any other way.


Some by blood, some by marriage, we are family. We share the joys and the pain. There is laughter, galore. 280 photos later, one can relive the day. The smiles on the the kid's faces, the yummy food, the Stories sharing - Naked in the Northwest. What a day! Thank you, Aunt Bebe, we could not have had a better time!

First day of school...

After many hours of shopping and organizing and deciding what to wear, and two different first days of school, the week is almost done. Much going on and getting use to getting up early and getting back in to the swing of things, has taken most of the week. Good thing, there is an extra day of rest this week. Thank you, Labor Day!

You can feel the crispness of fall in the air. Heard this week that winter is suppose to be mild again this year. Last year was beyond mild. Little snow, the sun was shining most every day, unheard of. Very little snow, I can't believe that it could happen again.

Still, I will take each day as it comes, sunny or not.It means that Christmas will soon be on the shelves, making a little room for Halloween. It means my standard wardrobe for the last few months may have to be supplemented with a few long sleeved things and worst of all, a coat of some sorts will have to be worn.

This year will be different as the man will be home. What that will look like will have to wait, one step at a time. He has learned about Happy Hour, now the First Day of School and next, Christmas shopping. Last night was the first time I forgot, and as I thought about the opening of BSU football, I thought, he won't be home in time...then I stopped and remembered, Oh yes he will.

There will be many opportunities to capture Fall but it starts with the first day of school. The cheesy picture under the tree, here we go...

worth...

It is nonsense to believe that you must agree with someone to treat them with respect. Rick Warren.

We have all done it.

Every single one of us.

No exceptions.

We make instant judgements, every second of every day. It is part of the human experience. I have been guilty of it, my whole life, in one form or another. Sometimes I feel bad about it, sometimes, I don't. A mother who is cruel to her kids in public, you can only imagine what she is like at home. What those kids suffer in silence and not a thing I can do about it.

Easy statement to make, hard to do. Very hard to do. From one who sees the glass as half empty, there comes a whole set of instructions on what is right and wrong. A very strong set of instuctions that I must fight at most every turn. We all have our triggers tripped by different things. It is easier to control once you know your own personal ones, but they never go away. Never.

This goes beyond being polite, this had to do with character. This has to do with being bigger with your triggers, thoughts and ideas. This has to do with moving over into the passengers seat and letting Someone else drive the car. This has to do with giving something up, another thing that does not come naturally and takes a lifetime to learn.

Someone's worth is not up to me or you.
Their value is not ours to determine.
Our only job is treat them with respect, like it or not...

the future....

This is our future...

These guys are going to bring their own game and take over soon. They are running things now, whether you like it or not. Everybody is aiming at them. It is said that President Obama won the election in 2008 because of them and if they don't show up in 2012, it could cost him the election.

Their attention span does not look like ours. Not saying that is good or bad, they don't seem to hold on as tight as we do. There is much more fluid in their lives. The look of the workforce as we know it is changing before our very eyes. Again, not bad- just different.

Their fun looks different than I remember at this age. Our course, we didn't have smartphones and instant most everything. We were at the Food Truck Rally last weekend and a couple of these kids are very near and dear to my heart. Hanging with their friends, I knew I had to shoot them. Later, they asked me to take a photo of them on one of their iPhones. Nikon and Canon better watch out, these kids may document their entire lives on an iPhone. What worked/works for us, may have no value to them.

I am in awe of their laid back attitudes. Nothing much seems to rattle them, make them want to hurry along. I know each generation has its own quirks and points of interest but these guys may be game changers and I for one, will watch and learn. There is always something to learn, always...

the burning house...

If your house was burning, what would you take with you? It's a conflict between what's practical, valuable and sentimental. What you would take reflects your interests, background and priorities. Think of it as an interview condensed into one question.

Name: Zalaine Dille
Age:60
Location: Idaho
Occupation:a simple woman living a simple life
Website: www.everydayrandom.com

List:
4 Memory boxes for my daughter and grandchildren
external HD with all photos
My necklace collection
My digital scrapbooks

This website made me think what would be essential for me to take. AS you read through those who have given their lists, you might scratch your head and go, really? But think about it, as diverse as we all are, the things we cherish are anything but common.

If I had more than a few Moments to gather things, there would be another tier to the List. My iPad, my desktop and my red chair. Things that can all be replaced but why if you don't have to. Make a little pile in the neighbor's yard, forget that you were sleeping in your birthday suit THAT night and just get as much as you can. What would your list included?....

perfect...

Miss B is part of our extended family.
She is 8 years old.
She has been diagnosed with aplastic anema.

We are praying. For her, her parents, her brother. This is not how life is suppose to be. Children are suppose to be able to run and jump and play, not isolated in a hospital unable to have visitors and to feel awful and scream when anyone with a needle comes close.

We always feel so bad when we hear of someone's child being extremely ill. We also all say the same words to ourselves that we are not proud of, Thank God it isn't my child.

But sometime, it may be you and yours. Then the prayers take on a different meaning, a different urgency. We want to go back to the way things were, before. w ewe do get to sleep at night, we want it to all go away but when we open our eyes, there is it staring us down.

Normal takes on a whole new meaning. Everyone's world goes on, ours spins on a new axel. We are headed in a direction, we didn't ask for and didn't see coming.

Many prayers have gone up for this precious child. Those of desperate parents, of anxious grandparents, of loving family and friends. Some pray for a touch of instant cure, some for strength for parents who have spent countless hours in a hospital and some, to be thankful for the healthy families they have.

I think it is true that God doesn't give you everything you need, until you need it. This very Moment, I pray that Miss B gets everything that God has for her. I pray that her parents feel him hovering over them as they keep watch and I pray that for the rest of us, as we breathe in everything he is...

PSA...

This is a PSA for the experience of a colonoscopy.

Views expressed are strictly those of my experience, Your experience may differ from mine.

That being said, I never would have gotten a colonscopy, just because I should. Never have been fond of anything, just because I should. I am anti-everything, medical. Scared of needles, you name it, I don't like it.

I fought this for many years. The company DH husband worked for sent monthly reminders to go get one. What they didn't tell you was, they were not going to pay for it.

This time, I couldn't get around, tried as I may. Heard that the prep was the worst. That they made you drink gallons of slightly, thick liquid that might make you vomit and if it did, you would have to do it all over again. And, if you lived through the prep, which was highly unlikely, The procedure was painful.

Here is what I experienced. A 32 oz bottle of Gaterade with a bottle of Miralax which is complelely grit- free and tastless, one day and another, the next day. I can throw back a Route 44 Diet Coke without a second thought. The Prep on both days was a piece of cake.

Yes, what comes next is at best, a bit confining but it too, passes.

The day of the procedure, I was given a gown that covered everything and a warm blanket. Soon, my lovely nurse said she was giving me my happy juice...and then I remember waking up with DH by my side.

All those years of worry and fear, for nothing. The polyp can back benign and will have a followup in a couple of weeks. Found Diverticultis, which may have been giving me fits and will have to adjust my diet accordingly which means no more Route 44 Diet Cokes.

So here's the deal, we spend our lives worried about all sorts of things that never happen. Is there a better way? I hope so. I really, hope so...

young at heart...

As we get older, the things that make us laugh, are the same thing that made us laugh when we were 20. Humor is most certainly subjective. DH and I don't share the same humor, mostly. Last night, the back seat of the can which included him and two grandchildren, were crazy with laughter. They all had tears running down their faces and could not get the Story out that had put them in this laugh coma. It didn't extend to the middle and front seats and we were having a hard time understanding what was going on because none of them could stop long enough to tell us.

By this time, the Story almost didn't matter. The laughter that caught on in the middle and front seats was directly in response to theirs. When they finally got the Story out, it wasn't as funny to us as it was to them. They did collect themselves, eventually but those who were not part of the backseat, never caught up.

And, that is ok. It was almost like trying to share a private Moment that wasn't meant to include you. Must admit watching these two generations, in such sync, was aweseome. To be in that Moment was a wonderful Place to dwell for those Moments. The rest of us, even if we didn't get it, will never forget...

10...

Here's to being 10.
Here's to wanting to spend the day at the Mall.
Here's to a family dinner at Rockies where you were the star of the show.

but more than that...

Here's to your big heart.
Here's to doing the right thing when it isn't always easy.
Here's to grabbing your wallet to share.
Here's to making all of us, so proud
Here's to you, who makes us laugh.
Here's to the boy who askes all the questions.

Here's to you, Gage. We love you to infinity and beyond...love nana

7 days a week...

What do I do 7 days a week? Religiously, yet not religious. What in my life is important enough for me to do it, every day?

It is a great question and I imagine that for each of us, there would be more differences than similarities.

My short list would include my family, my faith and my gratitude. There is a part of me that insist that most things should not be done 7 days a weeks. I am anti 365, whether it comes to taking photos or exercise or even, ice cream or most anything else. IMHO, those types of external events need to be put in perspective and perspective to me, doesn't include them being done every day.

The everyday is sacred. Ask anyone who has lost someone in an instant. We only have the here and now. Sometimes we get distracted and think we more. More of this and more of that. Maybe what we really need more of, is less. Maybe we need to refocus our everyday. I am talking to myself here, and not sure where this is headed for me but I am most certainly, open...

411 vs 911...

Do you know the differences between 411 and 911 in your life?

Maybe it sounds silly but if you get these two mixed up, how does it affect your life?

I can tell you how if affects mine, it messes with mental well-being. It makes things seem important that aren't. It belittles the true tragedies of life. It gets me all mixed up and when I get mixed up and make choices with that mind set, they get mixed up too.

I walked myself through a stressful time last week, asking myself with each step, Is this a 411 or a 911? As I took each step, I realized that they were all 411 steps. I would have not seen that because when I looked at it as a whole, there appeared to be some very 911 Moments. Funny, how if you pace it out, the clearer it becomes.

Moments to learn and Moments to panic, seems like a 411 Moment to me. Think I will save the 911 for later...

faith over fear...

It occured to me this week that not like a fraction, faith has to be over fear.

When I look back on my life and it was fear over faith, it was utter chaos. Not just a sense of being a bit off but a sense that was riddled with being over thought, and downright dangerous.

Fear makes you throw out everything you know to be true and head like Alice, Down the rabbit hole. No more making sense, the journey takes one down a whole new, not so good path. There is a Time and place for fear, good fear but letting it lead, is never, ever the answer.

Faith isn't sticking your head in the sand. Faith tells you that no matter what, you are loved. No matter the outcome, someone was there. Faith reminds you there is more than one way to be healed. Faith says, look at it from this angle.

Never one to be good at fractions, I see a mental picture of faith on top and fear on the bottom. There are 365 mentions of Do Not Fear in the bible. Sometimes that is easy to remember, sometimes not. That is where living straight up with faith comes in. If you are upside down, if fear is driving - make a change. Do youself a favor and make that change...

food for thought...

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.

It's time to wipe the slate clean.

I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.

In the midst of winter, I found there was witin me, an invincible summer.

Here's to the kids who memorize lyrics faster than vocabulary words.

Never lose your sense of wonder.

Fall seven time, stand up eight.

Take it day by day.

You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you, suddenly thrill you.

Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.

Sometimes, we just have to let things go.

We are crooked souls, trying to stay up straight.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

Breathe deeply and appreciate the Moment.

Let it go...

clothes...

Here we are again, school is starting here is less than 2 weeks. Still time for a little vacation and a week to practice getting up in the morning. The quest for school clothes has been going on for almost a month, not done yet but who wants to try on jeans in 100 degree weather?

I don't remember it being so hot starting school as a kid. Global warming or whatever you want to call it, it seems like the going back to school wardrobe only requires shorts and a tank top, bypassing what Sears and JC Penney would have you believe.

This year, uniforms have been added to the mix for one of the kids. Makes it easier to shop, I guess but isn't part of the fun of going back to school wearing that 1st day, special outfit that makes you feel very girly or very manly. Guess he will have to save that for a different occasion.

In the mornings, the heat is cooling down. No longer 90 degrees at 630am, fall is in the air. The days are still blistering hot and will be for a while, but change is in the air. There may be hope for those long pants yet...

so there...

Either you have been there, or you are experiencing it as a parent.

The attitude, the face that comes behind your back that you may or may not,see. The thing is we adults do the same thing but are way less guarded. At this age, somewhere deep inside, this seems like a cool thing to do and maybe it is, unless you get caught. Is it worth getting in trouble for? I would imagine that his answer would be yes. His Down The Road, is just beginning. Lots of things look like a good idea, even if you gave him a chance at a do-over.

As we mature, we learn what is approperiate and what will get us in trouble. If normal maturity prevails, we learn to curb those feelings and keep it inside. There are plenty of examples where maturity goes wrong and it never happens. Where people don't learn and grow. Their family suffers and your world suffers too. It's ok to disagree, or refuse to go with the standard norm. There is a right way and a wrong way but if you never learn that, for whatever reason, that so there mentality turns toxic.

This boy has the kindest heart I have ever seen. He shares his money, his time and always bows to keep peace but even the best kid has to live through the terrible teens. I can almost see him as an adult. This picture and a few more, will remind him of his wild and crazy days and I venture to guess, it will not be his shining Moment. That he will shrug it off and glad he has come through to the other side. We all have So There Moments and hopefully, they are fleeting no matter what Season of life, they come...

you and me...

The older I get, the more I understand that sharing with each other, is a delicate balance.

Oversharing as well as no sharing are not where we want to find ourselves. Both are telling, both show a lack of balance. TMI, too much information can wear a person out. Never sharing and holding on to everything by yourself, is equally damning.

I have been guilty of dipping a toe in each camp. The details don't maater but over the years, I swing wildly between the two and have not had as much balance as I wish I could confess to.

Do we know when we are out of balance?
Do we know when to share and when to shut up?
Is it possible to live in balance when it comes to sharing?

All I can tell you is that a few weeks ago, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was to share Something with someone. I had no intention of doing so but when the small, quiet voice is made loud, I knew it was the thing to do.

I also know when I have gone to far in the other direction. We need to share our joys, hurts and understand that people are not our personal problem-solvers. They are sharers of the Journey. They may have advice to offer and they may not. We don't share equally with everyone. Personal issues are held tight by those closest to us. Those who we have shared and have history with. I imagine we all have Stories about sharing going horribly wrong, where we imagine we will never share again. It is part of Life, accept it. This side of heaven, that is what this Journey looks like, is like.

We get a chance to do better every day.
We also know about 2 steps forward, and 3 back.
Do better than the day before...

you...

Sometimes, it is all about you.It may not come in the shape or form of your choice. Sometimes, you have no choice. It may not be pretty or flashy. It will be not of your own choosing but it will most definitely, be about you.

No answers and still lots of questions. Hope to get down to the heart of the problem soon. Until then, it is wait and hold on to what you know. That...

today is a gift.
no one is promised anything.
plan but be ready to be, derailed.

And in everything, give thanks. No matter what, you take your faith with you. You wear it like a blanket and let it comfort you. This isn't about whether you believe or not, it is about making the decision and standing by it, no matter what. I lived 26 years trying to do it all on my own, didn't work so well. Faith seems to fit me, just fine...

the male species...

Women are nowhere near prepared to know what men are thinking at any given time. Or doing. The way they react with each other, is no help. They stand together and can look at the sky, forever.

Every day, I appreciate the male species even more. Even if, I don't have a clue. It is even fun to watch them interact. Let them go and stand back and watch. They certainly don't act like women. They are slow and methodic. They bulid up to a pace, we women just dive in. That is why when we ask them what they talked about with So and So, they don't know. It isn't that they don't want to tell us, they may never have got there.

All of our friends are 10 years young so it makes DH, the old man. Not to be bothered by that, he keeps up with the best of him. A semi pro visitor, he can and does talk to anyone. He once talked to a street vendor for an hour, we thought it was a long lost friend...he had never met him, complete stranger.

I love my friend's husbands. One saved me the other night when I got a bit light headed. He found me a seat and went and got Stevie. Think I got a bit overhearted but the kindness shown to me couldn't have been more appreciated. Men, got to love them...

happy groom...

Without exception, everytime you get that photo that makes you smile, involutarily - it is pure giddyness.

A wedding comes with so many emotions. All the time, money, attention to detail, comes to an end. It is Crunch Time. Ready or not, here we go. With the ceremony first, everything you have worried about and practiced for, is over. There may be a few gliches but really, it just adds to the charm. As you participate by witnessing a new union, you are reminded of your own wedding. You remember standing in their shoes, hopes and dreams, firmly held in your hands. You are your most idealistic time of your life. Never will you think the Impossible isn't totally doable than this time of your life. It is a wonderful Place to be, for a while.

Then comes food, speeches and then the first dance. Then the dance with parents. Then the party really begins. Now it is time to get down and get funky. To celebrate what the day is really about. Can't imagine doing it any other way...

Criminal Minds, no more...

I use to watch those Nancy Grace shows. Not proud of it but, it's true.

There is never anything good, redeeming or uplifting. It is always the Worst crime of the day and all the terrible stuff that goes with it. That all goes into your mind for use, Down The Road. The news is scary, no doubt and I have never been one to sugarcoat our culture, always looking it straight in the face.

The theatre shooting in Colorado spooked me. Haven't been to a movie in long time and not sure when I will. Not even sure I want to rent the movie when it comes out on video. Just not sure.

My crime program of choice has always been Criminal Minds. DH likes NCIS and there is always the Mother of all Crime shows, Law and Order. I loved the way CM would take a horrific Story and the killer is always caught by the end of the show. I haven't watched a single episode since that Thursday night. I just can't go there, ever again.

I need to focus on cute boots.
I need to see the good that is around us.
I need to refocus

Dog days...

Not sure of the official start of the dog days of summer, but with the Back To School yearly push in full bloom, it is on the horizon.

There are still plenty of sno cone days left and we will take advantage of every one we can. Birthday Cake and coconut, who knew?

Having one eye on the 2012-2013 season, new teachers and a few other new things. It is all good, hopefully even better than good. Time will tell. As everyone moves up to the next grade, there is a Sense of a new thing. Teachers, expectations, and new ways.

Have always said, that the school year is my real, New Year. Fall renews me. Still buy new underwear every year at this time. It is a part of my DNA. Just bought a planner that starts on August 1. You guys can have Jan 1, as the start of your new year. It is usually cold and snowy, I like my fall NY, so much better. It is a beautiful time of the year that reminds me, of being renewed and that while winter is coming, it is not here yet. It is the Time of year where color abounds. The harvest is ready. The weather is still warm, the days long enough and most everything is right with the world.

But until then, the sno cone shack is still open for a few weeks. Still time for lazy days and just hanging out. Enjoy every moment of it...

Have you killed him yet?

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life and elevating them to an art. -William Morris

I have been asked this question more than once the last five weeks. And the answer is no.

There has been Something that I can only explain as a sweetness between us. Whether it is the recognition that this is the last stage of life and we will share it together, from here on, is the only explanation I can come up with. There is a mutual concern for each other that is stronger than the pre-retirement days. We are in this together until we are not. We hope for many years together, to enjoy our family and the life of the Everyday.

Don't get me wrong, we have had a few spats but the fire of those times seems to be gone. We understand that we are better together, then divided. We are learning a whole new way and the facial hair is growing. Our job is to grow too and finish strong. If you are grateful for the everyday, there is more than enough to keep you busy and that, keeps the kill factor - at bay...

young love...

There is nothing quite young Love.

To watch it, takes you back to when you thought you knew everything about Love. It takes many years to distinguish Real Love from Real Lust. When you are young, those two look like identical twins. With some perspective, you start to see they look, nothing alike. They are as diffeent as night and day.

It shouldn't be but Love is quite tricky. We don't seem to see it when it is staring us in the face yet, will jump through all sorts of hoops to grab what we percieve as Love even though it looks nothing like it. Maybe there are too many different kinds of Love for us to fathom. Try to explaining couple love, the love of a woman for her child and the Love of God. Similiar maybe, but hard to sort out when you have questions.

We are a simple people who complicate Love at every opportunity. We are either holding on too tight , or sharing it in ways that just aren't right. We give, hoping we will get back and that never turns out well. Love doesn't have to be big, we miss so much when we think it does. A little, good Love goes a long way and that kind of Love will make us better...

thrifting...

My girl and the gk are masters. I can not believe what they find. Gage is still in his UnderArmour phase. I would not bet much money that one would find UA at Goodwill and I would be wrong.

So, we all go to GW on Saturday and they say, with every confidence imaginable, Nana, lets find you some UA! It went without saying that is had to be black. That is an understood given.

I must admit, I am now into UA. Having texture issues myself, when it is hot outside, cotton is my worst enemy. I cringe at the thought of putting it on and don't tolerate it at all, hence the UA feel is where I am not. Not a snob, will wear other brands that have the same feel and until yesterday, didn't own one piece of UA. That all has changed.

Gage was on the hunt. It didn't take him too long to find the first piece. It wasn't quite right so off he went to look again. It was but a couple of Moments when he found it. Right there, just waiting for us. black, UA and it fit like a glove.

He kept telling me, You have to be patient, Nana, You have to keep looking.
He went on to find a piece for Papa too. And a jersey for himself. I always, always learns so much from them - who knew it would include Goodwill!...

hunger...

It still amazes me that in this day and time, people are hungry.

This year, the little park in my subdivision put this sign out, the begining of June and the part has been full every day at 11am, waiting for lunch. It is also being done at the little park, about 2 miles away that we pass every day to get to the Rec Center.

At 11am, people are already lining up, before the food people are even there. The cars are lined up and down the street and even, down side streets. Five days a week, they know where to come to fill up and get a free meal. It is worth coming early and lining up. I have seen the lines, it is unbelievable.

Some days, it is enough to be thankful that you have a full belly. Other days, you need more, want to do more. Follow that instinct...

back and mind, still full...

Taking time off looks alot like normal life. Always have my little notebook handy, always have Something to I want to remember but the main difference is letting my mind wander. Being a left brained thinker, you would think that wandering wouldn't be my thing and that would make us, both wrong.

Creative time is not only doing but in the not doing. It need idle time. Time to do nothing, like when you are trying really hard to remember Something and it doesn't come until you have let your brain off the hook for a few minutes, then your answer comes, naturally.

Love the feeling when you have a thought and lose it before you get to paper, have done that more than once this week. To all those forgotten thoughts, Come Back, I miss you! To all those that stayed, I thank you. You are warm and fuzzy and bring such joy.

Here are some, in no particular order. May hear more about these in the days to come or they were just meant for a fleeting Moment. Regardless, they are friends, to the end.

Putting the cart before the horse
Doctor Google
Have you killed him yet?
My Rec Center friends
Crinimal Minds, no more
Moving from the driver to passenger seat
Slipping through the cracks
Get what you thought you wanted.

Time off...

Going to take a week of to think about stuff like putting the cart before the horse and other things rattling around in my brain. Blessings and love to each of you...

a dog's life...

What if we acted more like dogs?
Would that be weird?
or might it just be, a good thing?

Dogs are loyal.
Dogs know their place, by their master.
They are content, don't need to be entertained.

They will wake up in a split second.
Ready to go, wherever their owner sees fit.

They don't spend time trying to get your attention, for their master.
They follow, that is what they do.

The master leads, the dog follows...

the green quarter...

First time away from home for more than a sleepover. Church camp.

If you have never been and I have not, have only lived vicariously through my child, seems to be an oxymoron. The books that could be written about what goes on. The near misses that parents never know about. Have been to family camp and that was racy enough for me. Remember one year, when our friend lost it with the teen boys because he was in the cabin right next to theirs - He went in in his underwear and yelled a bit. His teenage daughter was mortified, some things you can't take back.

But that will never happen this week. That was 3o years ago and we are a kinder, more PC culture. I did however hear some Stories about Man Camp a few weeks ago that make we wonder...

We have our standby orders from Momma. We could be heading up to Cascade any time in the next four days. She said something about going incognito, but we would be too easy to spot even with our mustache and glasses disguise. It would never work.

The green quarter. He didn't need snacks or a new journal so got the idea to get a quarter and color it with a neon green marker. When I gave it to him, I told him it was to remind him that Papa and I were thinking of him. Praying that he would have a good time and if a little homesickness came his way, he was not alone.

He hasn't called or texted. That is either a good sign or his phone won't work. I praying that he is just too busy to miss all of us...

metformin...

I have waited for today for many, many years and I didn't even recognize it when it happened. A visit to Google confirmed it but it is still hard to believe.

I had noticed it a few times and it kept getting stronger and stronger. Until 2 weeks ago, the only pill I took was an aspirin a day. For now, that ship has sailed but am working toward the shore, every day.

I couldn't have less of an appetite. In fact, to take the diabetes meds, you have to eat or the nausea is terrible. I had to force myself tonight to eat enough to keep that side effect at bay.

I have never experienced, not being hungry. My bff, Miss Sweettooth is nowhere to be found. It is not an entirely, pleasant experience. I hope in the days to come, I am more appreciative of this new status. Feeling full all day, never ever thought I would see the day. One more reminder, anything is possible.

More and more and more change and you never know where it is coming from...

shoot...

We walk at the same time but rarely see each other. Our rhythms are different. We walk at much different paces. He evens jogs. Add basketball, and he is much more diversive than I am. I am focused on getting around that track, over and over and over again. He likes to mix it up. Different strokes for different folks.

I am so proud of him. None of this comes easy or natural and I imagine it never will but we takes turns saying, It is time to go! With each of us with our favorite music in our ears, it is a great time to catch up on our thoughts, our prayers, our hopes and our dreams. This is a part of who we are right now and the right thing to do is shoot, whenever we can...

and even, more change...

If it is your turn for your Only Child Sleepover, you get to decide and set the pace. Gage had his bags packed for more than a week and finally, we were able to make it happen.

He had already told us that he wanted to go to the Mall, so off we went. He got to spend as much time at Game Stop as he wanted and everywhere else he wanted to go. After dinner, we headed home and XBox 360 ruled the night. Listening to him explain and try to talk Papa into trying a turn at a game is a wonderful thing. The laughter of the the two, Gage as he watches Papa and Papa, when he gets it but more often, when he doesn't.

The biggest change, this time was the boy's sleeping in. We were suppose to be at his house, 40 minutes away at 9am. His eyes didn't see daylight until after 1030AM. He is within spitting distance from 10, the pre teen thing has started to kick in. I knew he would head this direction, but didn't know it was already here.

I just love that he still loves coming to our house. That he would pack his bags and leave them for a week, just waiting. Talk about Love...

something old...

We were told that in the 50's, ladies always carried hankies at a wedding. This was given to the bride by her bff's grandmother who knows a thing or two.

Looking forward to this wedding in a few weeks. Fun venue, lots of different things going on that will make it playful for all. In the spirit of the tone set by the bride and groom, my gift is non-tradional also. Even down to the wrapping, joining in the festivities has been great fun.

What advice would you give the bride?

marriage, make it your own.

What is the hardest part of marriage?

keeping your mouth shut when you should.

What will make a 50 year marriage?

Talk everyday.

Happy Wedding Miss D and N!

juggling...

We all are very busy and at any given Moment. Sometimes, we have too many things up in the air, and are trying desperately not to drop anything and winding up in a big pile, full of emotions.

Learning the ropes of this retirement thing has not been without its challenges. We are both understanding that we still need our seperate times. He is understanding that he can't eat 2000 calories a day like he did when he was working.

Our balls are all up in the air and we are trying not to let any of them, fall on our head but we need to be open to letting some of them go if they aren't right or good for us. That is the fine line we are walking, today...

obsessed...

We are all obsessed with something.

Food, exercise, people, it is part of the nature of the beast. You can't expect to avoid it but you can be aware and try to keep it as balanced as possible. You may or may not be successful but with practice, you can diffuse the situation, a bit over time.

Among my many, many obsessions, is photographing crop dusters. It all started with working in agriculture and right out my huge window, was open fields for as far as the eye could see.

Will now stop whenever I see one of those brave boys. flying. Last night on the way home from spendng the day celebrating Keaton's 13 birthday, here he was. We got to spend a good amount of time and there is no doubt, he saw me. He probably made 10 rounds. The sky was red, with all the wildfires that surround us. It was a beautiful sight and wow, the perfect way to end the day.

Some days are just like that and you know, you are the luckiest girl in the whole world...

being 13...

One of the first things I noticed about 13 is that there is no longer a stack of wrapped presents, just waiting to be opened. When the Birthday List is cash-inclusive, so go the stacks and the wrapping. It is not only the end of an era but the begining of a new one.

Still doesn't seem like we have been grandparents for 13 years. Seems like just yesterday but the hair that is growing on this young man's body, the beginnings of all things, men - is clearly obvious. Never having a brother or a son, being able to watch this season of a boy to man cycle is fascinating. Now I see, how they evolve and how they grow up into the men that you see today.

I also see why his parents keep a tight rein on him. He has manners, and is very polite. Those things don't come naturally to boys or girls, they have to be taught or they don't get learned, and if they don't learn it young, they usually never learn it at all.

Happy Birthday, Keaton! Papa and Nana could not be more proud of you. You are a Rock Star in our world and we love you, to infinity and beyond...

change...

It never gets any easier... Miss Shelli

I read Miss Shelli's words and so agreed even when I had no idea how they would apply to me in just a few days.

With a diagnosis and meds for BP and diabetes, everything changed in an instant and that was the first day of retirement. It became obvious that either I was going to get on board or be in Really Big Trouble. After consulting all the personalities, made the choice to grow up which meant big lifestyle change. Joined the Rec Center and today, on Day 4, walking over 2 miles. Have changed my diet and with a nausea from the meds, have little desire for most anything. My goal is to get off both meds by September, if that is possible and then, keep up the routine.

Time and testing will tell if this is doable but for right now, it is Something. Decided this morning to focus on what I could do and not all the things I had no control over. With no health insurance and pensions not kicking in for a few months, I have enough to worry about but I can't go there. I do have control over getting my exercise done every day and watching what I eat. That is where my focus has to be and there it will stay.

Have always hated exercise. Always done it at home, never thinking my introvert self would ever take my show on the road. We made the decision because of weather and safety. We can go together, anytime of day and enjoy the freedom of being in a climate control, safe place and that is a good thing.

Miss Shelli's words go with me every day. I know there will come a day when I couldn't get the miles done in the morning and my get up and go, got up and went. I will have to remember that somethings just don't get any easier and we do them anyway. That is what grown ups do. Time to grow up...

4th of July...

Let freedom ring and may respect never, ever go out of style...

Will you still need me?

Today is someone's 64th Bday. I ask him if he was going to sing this old Beatle song to me this morning, he didn't think he would. Said he already has been 64 in his mind for a while. He knew that 64 and retirement would be going, hand in hand so the leap was made, with little fan fare which means, no song for me.

As we started our retirement exercise program this morming, we are both trying to learn as much as possible. Him with his unsatisable, 100% curosity and me with my very little 20% sense of curosity.

We walk the greenbelt to the end and wanted to know what road we were on. Nothing looked familiar. We walked to the first street sign but it only gave the cross street. He took a few guesses but I wasn't convinced so we walked clear down to a second sign and found our bearings. This time it was me who kept us going. Curosity drove me to keep going, and figure it out while he followed. Usually, that is not the case.

The song still holds,
Will you still need me? Yes
Will you still feed me? Yes
When I'm 64...

Just, begin...

Begin with the end in mind...Stephen Covey.

The sermon began with, there comes a time in your life when you are looking back more than you are looking forward. Even though there are still memories to make, there will always be a sense of adventure, if we choose to embrace it. You could spend all your time looking back, but what kind of life would that be?

Today truly is the first day of the rest of your lives. Nothing big happening. Mowing the lawn before trash Day which always had to be done by Sunday, some major grocery shopping - trying to figure out how to replace 40 years of sandwiches, yogurt, bananas and pudding. There are adjustments to be made. Glad it is summer. Imagining trying to get yourself acclimated to retirement in the dead of winter, might be a task worthy of others stronger than us. The sun is shining, the fishing is there for the taking and right now, all is right with the world.

What kind of memories do you want to leave? Not sure he knows exactly yet, but I do. I have a 15 year headstart on him and this is mine...

Know that I cared.
Know that I loved.
Know that you are everything to me.

That is my end and that is what drives every single day...

retire...

It was a whirlwind day. Much like a blur, it was there and then it was gone.

The weekend has pretty much been a Time of Reflection. I have given him a week to learn to talk about the job in the past tense. Knowing that men are different than women, I can appreciate the time he needs to process but also know that Sometimes, we all need a kick in the pants to get us going.

Less than a 1/2 hour after we got home, all the uniforms, the lunch pail and the nasty shoes, were gone. When you have a Dirty Job like he did, there is nothing you want to save. Imagine cooking oil on every part of you, soaking in more and more, every day. The Company always complained about his shoes and tracking oil everywhere. Now they have four taking his place, wonder what it will look like now?

Tomorrow will be a new Monday. Monday will not be a dread any more. No messes to clean up from the weekend and all issues that scream for resolution, will be done by someone else. He and I, on the other hand, will be busy looking for our new Normal. Thinking that will keep us busy, enough...