easter...

Kept Easter close to the vest, this year. Not sure why but the last week, I realized that is was ok. That Sometimes, we are private and while the whole message of Easter is to tell the world,the Holy Spirit can get His message out, if I am quiet. Social media covers more than we could ever imagine, not that God needs help but I think He does like to hear from our hearts. It is a good thing that we are not all silent at the same time. I thought about Sandy Hook and all the Easter baskets that would not be this year. Those empty spots at the table this year and lots more.

This morning it was all brought in to one moment when my favorite ever song leader was so excited,...He has freaking, risen. Could never be prepared for that, would not wish to be his inbox this week but his enthusiasm, was infectious. See beyond the word, see his heart. He has freaking, risen...Could not have said it better myself...

new kid in town...

Tried out the old/new cafe that just opened around the corner from us. Nice little addition to the strip mall that formerly held a Hostess cupcake store. They moved from a location, Down the road. Never heard of them before. Funny how in a town of only a few people, this one passed us by.

Some things are meant to change, like businesses in a strip mall. They come, they go, you adjust.The new kid in town always has to prove himself and with social media these days, it is much tougher. They need to be on their game, all the time. Left them a nice review this morning, Hope we get to grow old together.

If you noticed a new kid on your block, give them a chance to prove themselves. I know, I know. I am the worse for always making the safe choices at places I am familiar with. I don't like the idea of wasting money by trying something new but how will you learn if you don't try?

Their Tshirts say, Living the Dream. Thanks for coming our way, Blue Sky and thanks Self, for giving it a go...

champions...

If asked, we could all list the many, mnay things we are not very good at. Even those that we stink at. Really stink. We know them like our favorite cousin, we can recite them backward and forward but what would or could our inner tshirt say about what we are good at. The stuff that championships are made of. Bragging rights aside, what could we each. come up with?

Much tougher to take ownership of the things we have been gifted with, without sounding like a blowhard. It is a fine line to walk but walk it we must because it speaks to keeping balance in life. We are not all good, nor are most us, all bad. A well-balanced person has both kinds of traits and can be honest about them, to ourselves and others. If you can't be honest with your friends, time to get new friends. If you can't get honest with yourself, no better time to start than today.

Using one's powers for good, is a lifelong process. We are constantly changing and that goes for personality traits as well. You must continue to go as you change, be willing to let things go and be able to pick up something new. Baby steps, but always moving ahead.

Think about what you do that helps others. It may or may not be the thing you like best about yourself. How you feel is unimportant,but what you do could change someone's life...

kick it to the curb...

Still my book of the year, and this month's book club selection. I keep coming back to it again and again...
He was a star player, it was expected that his team would win and win quick. After watching more than a few basketball games in the last few days, it is apparent that basketball has a rhythm all its own.

This player and his team were behind, most of the game. They were ranked at #1, their oppenent, at #9. For all but a few minutes of the game, it seem like it was Opposite Day. In the last 29 seconds, he and his team took possession of the ball. A two point basket would tie the game, a three pointer would win. Forgetting the last 2 hours that he missed three points shot after three point shot. They showed them all. Nothing to be proud of, much would make one want to run and hide.

Was told that a good player, forgets what has happened. No beating up of one's self. Just go forward, be the one that you are. that you know yourself to be. He takes control of the ball with 29 seconds to go, despite his poor track record, he will not relinguish the ball to anyone else. It is do or die. With 2 seconds to go, he goes for the three point shot, not the two which would tie the game. It was go big or go home. With the clock reading .2 seconds, he makes the three point shot. Forgetting all that had happened, he moved forward. There is a lesson to be learned here. About the self talk we all do. There may be a fine line between being cocky and willing to take the risk. Maybe we would all lead better lives if we really believed that within each of us is the curse of being human and to accept it and, move on. I imagine that men can do this better than women. We ladies, hold an awful lot in and take on blame, slower to let it go. Another thing to accept and move on. Not sure if it is too late to take up basketball, but it is never too late to try, try and try again...

from the couch of...

The last 10 days have been a blur. First, Miss M gets a fever and will get to keep it for 6 days. It will be alot of nursing and threatening, going on.

Take your medicine, please... Drink more, please... It will end with her daddy offering her a American Girl doll for her effort. She also tells me that she is allowed one, small hissy fit while taking said medicine. She did not disappoint.

I was so proud of myself, staying well. All that healthly eating, is finally paying off. Then comes, The Day. By the end of that first day, I didn't know my name or where I was at. The fever lasted about 12 hours and Miss M and I would spend the next day together. I am seen more 19 and Counting, Good Luck Charlie and The Suite Life, tham ever before all combined, in my life. A couple days in bed at home, and I am starting to feel like my old self, except that I have discovered March Madness and I may not come out until it is over.

What a rush! The idea of you win or go home, is fascinating to me. Doesn't matter what your record has been up to this very date, if you lose, you go home. No do overs. No second chances.
There have been some killer games. One game was won by the team who hadn't lead all day with .2 left on the clock. Unbelievable. March Madness, where have you been on all life?

If not a chance encouter while laying, sprawled across the coach, waiting for some unknown amount of time in which moving might seem possible again. Up and sort of at em, time to return to Real Life... well, maybe, one more game...

Come on, Spring Brake...

Miss Morgan is going on Day 8 of high fevers and this nasty flu thing. We have been going back and forth doing everything we can to get her well. It has been a team effort. Now, the troops are starting to fall. Day 1 for nana, hope this ends soon. Please let next week be better. Come on, Spring Break!!!

smoke...

I know very little about smoke or the Catholic Church. Have gleamed a bit from friends and family over the years. Smoke has traditionally been sent to other body parts, and the little I know about the Catholic Church, is incomplete.

But I must say, the whole conclave, choosing a new leader is fascinating. There is very little pomp and circumstance in our lives these days. It is all about social media where word travels faster than at any other time in history. There is no rushing to choose a pope, it is all about the smoke. And waiting, is at the very essence, something most of us do little of anymore.

Shortly after the noon news started, networks broke in with the announcement that white smoke could be seen coming from the Sistine Chapel, followed quickly by the ringing of the bells, leaving no one in doubt, a new pope had been choosing. As I waited with those on TV and in Vatican Square, it was a stark reminder that not everything can be known by social media. There were not hints of who the new pope would be. For a few short hours, it was even implied that an American could be chosen, I was rooting for Cardinal Doyle!

But alas, at the time of their choosing, the new Argentin pope appeared. It was nice to see a pope who appeared in good health, able to lead a church of over a billion people. The last couple popes seemed to be circling the drain and with all the changes in the world, not able to keep up, pay attention and lead. This pope, seems to have crossed that barrier.

He took the name Francis. Named after Francis of Assisi. I like that, think I would pick that for my name.

The smoke, the bells, the tradition. One can always learn, and be thankful for those things which enrich our lives. Welcome Pope Francis...

be ready...

If you Google, Billy Joel and Micheal Pollack. You will never forget either of them after you see the video.

You can't hear but when Micheal Pollack walks up to the stage, Billy Joel askes him what key he plays the song in. His reply is, What key do you want in?

This Vanderbilt freshman was ready. He stunned the audience filled with his friends who already knew him and Billy Joel as well. His preformance was flawless, his confidence was sweet yet confident. He was ready for this Moment, and had been for a long time.

New York State of Mind, will never sound the same. Maybe that is the way it should be. The old passing on the the young because they show they are ready. We each need to ready, to be able to step up when it is time. No time to cram,o practice. It comes naturally, because we have done it a thousand times in our mind. It has become second nature, no need to be nervous.

Well done, gentlemen. Well done...

highlights...

The basketball season ended last weekend. Had a chance to watch Gage's coach and how he interacted with his team. I think he was a perfect match for 10 year old boys. By trade, he is trained to help people puts their thoughts together, to help them make sense of the lives they have been giving. He is the only coach I have ever known who has not passed out the different stars at the end of each game. He waits until practice, the next week.

Sportsmanship, Christlikeness, offense, defense. They are each given a particular star and told why. This coach ends the games a bit differently. He asks them to highligh what they or someone did right. He won't let them dwell om mistakes. He will say over and over again, just the highlights.

Not many places in life where you are only allowed to talk about the highlights of life. You complain, you get better service, or something free. Most everything we do rewards the complaints we make. Police officers don's top you for going the speed limit. There is no prize for telling someone they undercharged you. You get results when you go agains the grain. That is why we are all, so good at it.

Thanks Coach for the lesson. Tell me the highlights, what would that look like in each of our lives?...

Wow...

Im soooo ready to burst - just can't keep it in any more. My God is such an awesome God! I thank Him over and over again for all my many wonderful blessings and guess what - He just keeps them coming! Thank you my blessed God! I will continue to serve you & love you & keep you with me always!

A comment on my FB page yesterday. It was posted about 2 hours after I had a 2 hour conversation with her. We tried to catch up on 20 years. We tried to comfort each other about the past, and remind each other that we are still here. We both learned things we never knew. The reason this resonates with me is a comment she made. We have a long past together, not all of it good and we didn't talk much about spiritual things.

It must have been something else happened to her today that would bring about that kind of unbridled joy. Talking to me would not do that for anyone but I am smart enough to know, that sometimes it just happens and if you lucky, you get to be a part of it. You get to see the unbridled joy. It may be just what you needed that day. It sure did that for me. Talking to her today had a cleansing effect on me, it also caught me up on the Love that I never knew, came my way. Thank you Auntie, I hope we get to see each other again in this life but if we don't...Thank you for the Love, it means the world to me...

cropping...

There are hard and fast rules to cropping a photo, I just don't happen to believe in them. When you crop a photo it is usually to make a statement. To emphasise a image, to make it the focal point and to get rid of unneccesary clutter. These three are SOOC. No cropping. This is exactly what I saw and wanted to capture. There is a Time and Place for Portrait style photos but 90% of the time, it is about everyday life and everyday life is not about the Rule of Thirds in a 4x6 format.


As with so many things, I have my own way. Sometimes that gets me in trouble and sometimes, most of the time, it just doesn't matter. Rules are made for all and if they apply, be all means use them. If they don't, feel free to crop outside the lines...

little fish...

I am always better when I remember I am just a little fish in a big pond...

Most of us are ok with being a LFIBP if, somewhere in some small way, we think we are a Big Fish somewhere in our lives. We need to feel important, viatl, relevant, in other words...loved. In the Big Pciture, we want ot know that our time here left an imprint on someone or something.

When on eis a Big Fish, certain amenities apply. You perceive thaqt your words, your way is more likely to be the correct way to proceed. That in becoming a Big Fish, you have already been proving, right. Your chest is pumped up a bit, you stand a little straigher, so people can find you easier, to ask your opinion, or for your ideas. Things that are never asked of a little fish.

Little fish are a dime a dozen. In the unlikely event you need the advice of a little fish, all you need to do is reach out and grab one. Anyone will do, they are basically all the same.

So, why would anyone WANT to be a little fish? Shouldn't we always, always be striving to be a Big Fish? Little fish aren't about being set apart. They are about community. They are about we not me. When you take the step to become a little fish and make no mistake, you must choose, you are choosing a way. A way that may not always be easy to live with. A way, where at times, all is lost. On the other side, it is a Place where you can grow gratitude, learn the path of humility and ponder until you are all pondered out.

I have lived on both sides of the Pond, Big Fish, little fish. While one may feel good for a while, the other brings peace. And that, makes it all worth while...

everywhere we go...

First we check for wifi service and then we go straight to, You Tube and the BSU Broncos. Yes, he is obsessed. He will watch old bowl games, everything BSU. This was a highlights video of one of his favorite players. He knows the plays, he knows their numbers, he knows his guy.

Doesn't matter that football is done with for a few months, his love knows - no bounds. It is forever, until it isn't.

For most of us, most of the time and for most things... It is forever, until it isn't.

People, places, things. Emotions, feelings, thoughts.

It is forever, until it isn't.

A baby who parents were killed on the way to the hospital, died today. Can only imagine their last thoughts were all about him and then, they weren't. Got myself all twisted up in a bunch because the local school district has decided to go back to outside granduations at all three high schools. Because of a mistake, their mistake and now parents and teens have to suffer. Maybe they should cough up the $12,000 needed to rent the Big Arena so everyone can attend. I have been to an outside graduation at one of these schools. The weather was brutal and it was tough on everyone. Your mistake, you take the blame not the kids. Right now, I am still riled up. It is forever, until it isn't.

Forever in the short term, it should have its own word. We are a passionate people, yes, some more than others and we meant it when we say forever. Forever always looks like a long, winding road but the truth it, it could be over in seconds...

awareness...

this is the day that God has made. psalm 118

really-this day? the one with wars and poverty and divorce and addiction and betrayal? this one?

yes, this one.

this one because there’s a difference between analysis and awareness.

analysis pulls things apart, looks for cracks in logic, points out the inconsistencies.

analysis needs things to make sense.

there’s nothing wrong with analysis, of course, it’s often vital to our survival and thriving. but if we stay there, in that mode and that mode only, we can easily find ourselves stepping back with arms folded, pointing out all that’s wrong with this day and all the ways it falls short and all of the evidence for why this particular day doesn’t appear to be the kind of day that God would make-all while this day passes us by.

(this is very easy to do, by the way. it’s why cynicism is so popular. it’s easy.)

but in this psalm-the one that says that this is the day that God has made- this psalm isn’t first and foremost about analysis, it’s about awareness.

and the difference is massive.

awareness doesn’t ignore or gloss over the very real questions and pains of this day, it transcends all of that analysis with the very straight forward acknowledgement that whatever this day is, it’s a gift to be embraced and engaged and maybe even enjoyed.

this day maybe be rough and bloody and heartbreaking but it is here and it is now and it is bursting with untold potential and possibility and our response to it is of utmost, urgent importance.
Rob Bell.



Yesterday brough shock to the digi community, one of their own passed away. Many of my sisters were caught off guard and the day was spent in many, many I Can't Believe it Moments, grief shared. While I did not know her personally, the love her friends have lavashed on her, is ummistakeable. One can't help but grieve, for the one loss but for themselves too. To know how quickly, life can be taken away. We need to be jolted into remembering this and sometimes, nothing short of a grief, will take us there. It is about today and it is about awareness. As I prayed for this precious soul I thank God that she got to meet her her twin grandbabies that were born last year. I thanked Him for making her illness short and hopefully, as painfree as possible.

For the first time in over 8 months, I forgot my iPod when I went to the Rec Center. I decided to go without. It was tough. I heard all the sounds that normally don't even cross my radar. It was tougher to pray. To pay attention, my mind wandered farther and farther. I forgot about today and the gift it is. Too much analynis and not enough awareness...

flu...

True story... My friend gets the bad flu that is going around. She is sick for days. Starts to feel better, go's to her husbann's school to help with a fund raiser. One of the events involves kissing a goat.

She does.

Less than a hour later, the goat is dead. Enough said, be careful out there. It's a jungle...

Bose or Dr Dre...

We had a sleepover last week and most of the time, we were gone. These single child events are based on their personal immediate need. They get to pick where and what we eat... and, what we do. This time it was Gage's turn. The food choice was Golder Corral and the search was on for the perfect set of earphones.

It was a two day event, broken up by a movie and then the next day, playing Soltaire at Flying M. Even then, the whole earphone thing wasn't far from our minds.

We are not talking $20 earphones, we were running with the Big Dogs. Dr Dre's tapped out at $250, the Bose at $350. All three of us are earphone snobs and each have a difference of opinion. It is not that we hear everything the same and just decide which ones are the coolest, it really is about the noise. The Dr Dre's, IMHO, have more bass and sound a bit tinny. To Gage, there was nothing better. Color and style did play into it for him. The Bose are nothing to look at but the sound, that wonderful, wonderful sound. We agreed that in a perfect world we would have both, like the Best Buy guy who wears his Dre's to mow the lawn and the Bose's, for every thing else. He was partial and made no bones about he. It is not good or bad, it just is.

We all went home earphone-less but all in agreement that we had a couple of swell days, trying to work it all out. Sometimes it is about the purchase and maybe Someday, we will all sit on the couch, in complete harmony with our respective earphones, agreeing to diagree. This time, it was about the journey and sharing it together and that we can all agree to, now...

angels among us...

We pass this house everytime we go to the kid's house. It is basically in the middle of nowhere. An undescript brick house with little to define it. A few bushes, a tree and lonely wreath of a holiday long gone... and this angel. It sits there all the time. It is never adorned with the popular theme of choice, no buntings or garland. Just a statue of a white angel. It does not seem to be affect by weather, have never seen in on the ground, nor have I ever seen anyone around it.

I have passed it a hundred times, yet only really noticed it this week. If I ever seen a live person outside, I am going to stop and ask what the Story is. What does it reperesent, what has it seen, what has it done. Kind of like the idea of a 24/7 angel watching the house, protecting is as only a white cement statue can. Focused, rigid, not deterred by friend or foe. Just there to do a job. Imagine we could do a lot worse. Way worse, actaully...

happy ...

Sometimes, it just falls into your lap. You never saw it coming, and if you did, you weren't sure what it woldl look like. When it came, dressed as nothing he could ever have imagined wanting, he was quick to embrace, in fact it was instant.

We have a couple of months to go and there will be photos. Papa and I will keep our eyes on him and there will be dancing involved. He is already picking out which tie to wear. I told him he had to dance with me. That is what you do at weddings. He has never been to a wedding, this may be his first and only time. Like manna falling from the sky, he could not be happier to go to this wedding and we could not be happier to take him. Let's do it, Dude...

Downton Abbey...

I am late to the DA bandwagon. Not just late but have been actively fighting it for almost 3 seasons. My friend that recommended it also recommended So You Think You Can Dance and that didn't turn out too well. I have a band of friends that love the English and their culture. Keaton loves Mr Bean. I feel the same way about Mr Bean and Pride and Prejudice, let's just say, not my cup of tea. Downton Abbey had me within the first 5 minutes.

Suffice it to say in that the last couple weeks, DH and I have given up days, to make it through Seasons 1-3. I must now wait for almost a year to find out what happens next. I already know that it will start 4 months after Matthew's death, Mary will have made some progress in her grief - the rest is unknown.

Not sure why certain TV shows grip us so intensely. Why their Stories become ours, or at least we care about them more that some of the Stories of our own. Last week, I found some relatives I haven'nt heard from in a long time on Facebook. While I am excited to hear some of their Stories, I am at the Moment, more vested in the servants and household of DA. Some families are close, others aren't. It is just the way it is.

So I will live my life for the next year knowing that if the Real Person of Matthew wanted to, he would still be in the Story and would not have to have been killed off. It was by his own hand, hope he can live with that.

As for me, one of my life's mottos is, Never Say Never. You never know where your heart will wander and want to attach itself. You best be prepared...

Happy Valentimes Day

Flowers, chocolate, a sweetheart... In a perfect world. Yet, we can all make the best of the situation and find somebody to love. A pet, a friend, a neighbor. It is not all about lust, it is about love and you can love anywhere if your heart is open. Hope you were able to celebrate the life you do have, the love you have instead of dwelling on the have nots. I know some will have eempty places in their hearts for Valentines, lost. Time to learn a new way, after all isn't that what life is really all about.

Wherever you found yourself today, I hope there is a smile on your face. Hope you shared a hug or two, and gave some of your own Love away. It may seem like a silly holiday but to participate is to give it meaning.To each and every one of you. may God bless your hearts...

Lent...

This is my first year, participating in the tradition of Lent. Having watched others and learned from their experience, it was my time. The what to give up, came quickly and there was no mistake about what it should be. It wouldn't make sense if told you but suffice it to say, it is my way.

I look forward to the focus of the Lenten season. Never having any formal training, and not looking for any - the concept is easy enough that I can make it my own. To make it meaningful. To remember why. We human don't have the greatest of memories, look at our own timelines and that will be apparent to even the smartest of us. Any given day, we are pulled in many different directions and some days, focus is nowhere to be found.

Whatever my experience, it will remind me of what I have. My hope is that I will gleam a bit more of the meaning of gratitude. That I will not take my everyday life for granted. That I will love Mondays as much as Fridays. Our days are not promised and should be cherished.

So, here is to another adventure. God is so good. Got word that Brianna did get to go home from the hospital today. Over 6 months, she has not been home. Funny, that she would go home today. The Divine at work, I think so. I really do...

keep your eyes on the ball...

Even when one is keeping their eyes on the ball, even then, you don't always catch it. We tell ourselves, You should have got that one or worse. What if the prize was not actually catching the ball but being present, keeping the eyes on the ball?

I realize that kind of logic wouldn't work in a basketball game, but rather Real Life. I also know that a basketball game is only an hour long. Whether we make the shot or not, just being aware that the ball is around and may be coming our way, should be victory enough. Sure I cheer when she makes a basket but as I watch her defend her player, I am more aware of her than at any other time. The ball in the basket only lasts a few seconds. Watch her run up and down that court, following that ball where every it goes, for the better part of an hour, now thats...a game...

Jesus Love...

The pastor talked about The Table this morning. They were table and chairs up on the platform, he brought up a paper wrpped loaf of french bread and proceeded with his sermon. He likened the table to the church and each chair represented a group of people. Mature believers, new believers, those on the fringe and those who are completely on the outside. This morning, he brought up high chair up on the platform. For the whiners in church. Those who are never happy with the little things. He is a little guy so when he sat in the high chair with the tray in his lap and a binkie in his mouth, it was all too real when he started complaining about the chairs being moved around and all the other things people complaint about regularly in church. It was a good lesson and the high chair is not going to be a regular addition to the table because it is not an addition but a subtraction.

But, you did have this feeling that something was missing. DH said it on the way home, where was Jesus? There was no talk of where Jesus was, he might have wanted us to understand that it was already implyed but neither of us got that. We all look for Jesus in different ways and could probably never agree on even 5. The hair stands up on the back on my neck when I hear about someone is going to do something for Jesus, on his behalf. We don't work for Jesus, we are loved by him and that love is what shows in our daily lives. If we believe in who He says he is, it will show, no added agenda is necessary. Took me a long time to unlearn this and I have no intention of ever going back. Never.

This photo represents Jesus to me. He is lovingly watching over you and me. He is not doing anything but loving us. Whatever anyone else sees in us, that thing that draws not drags, comes from one who knows, he is loved. We sit at his feet, take it all in and share what we know to be true. Not what we think we should, could or might but what we actually, do. Should be good enough for each of us, wish we could at least, agree on that...

BIG changes...

Last week it was the announcement that women would be able to serve in combat. This week, the Post Office.

There are those making the claim that there are many people who wait for junk mail as a source of socializing. The claim was that some would suffer dramatically if mail was not delieverd on Saturday. I think those who are claiming this, need to be put out to pasture. You can say what you want, but Sometimes, can you not hear yourself and make some corrections before the words leave your mouth?

If the Post Office wants to play the We Will Take Away Your Saturday Delivery card, most people will say, Fine. Just because we have had it for over 150 years, doesn't mean our lives, as we know them, will fall apart. We all realize, Something had to change with the whole mail thing. Those who feel like they are missing out, can pace themselves and save some mail to look over on Saturday and Sunday. As go newspapers, dry cleaners and Hostess cupcakes, we all must sacrifice and learn a new path.

I told Gage last night that when he gets to be an old man, he could share his Saturday morning mail experience with his kids who will have had no idea what he is talking about. His answer, We get mail on Saturdays?


Point. Match. Game.

February...

Hard month to pronounce, identified with Valentine's Day and Thank God January is Over! The groundhog advises that Spring is near and for most of us, it could not come too soon. Even though we are under gray, sunless skies, we start to imagine... Have been saving my dollar bills and the thoughts of a few comfy patio chairs has crossed my mind more than once, not sure Lowe's and Home Depot are there yet.

The bathing suits are out, winter accessories are on the clearance racks. My winter boots are right by the door, but more often than not, I grab my tennis shoes first. My appetite has been one of a caveman who has had to hunt for his food, eating everything in site, leave crumbs behind. Hope that some less critical weather will put some kind of stop to the need to fill up often and to the brink of way too much. I do believe that our bodies tend to crave more food in the cold months, whether there is proof or not.

Just saw Flight, and my mind is still reeling. Will not spoil it for you but if you have ever had an kind of addiction to anything and will admit to it, see this movie. If you have an addiction, see it anyway and the rest will come.

We are imperfect creatures. The song still going through my head from gym time this morning, says... In a world made of steel, made of stone. Sometimes it feel that way to us. The bad news and even more bad news because the truth is a channel or network devoted to good news would never make it financially. Imperfect, flawed, yet mostly able to bounce back on a semi regular basis.

February... thank you for teaching us all that after we get our bearings back from the cold of January, you are there to remind us of the touchy, warm fuzzies of life while we say goodbye to winter. You are just alright, February. Keep up the good work...

she...

A sign that sits on my desk says, she was authentic in every way and they loved that about her.... Given to me by a friend who said for her, it fit me to a tee. Some shes are that way. Definitly in my family. We are strong-willed and have an opinion and answer about most everything. We don't asked questions unless we want an answer, we are not much for fishing. We will listen to your ideas politely, mostly and make us our own minds.

We are strong and make no apologies for that strength. If we come on too strong, there are times we recognize it and will make amends. We don't mean to hurt your feelings but a girl has to do, what a girl has to do.

Just say no, is not our battle cry but we make come to that conclusion quickly. We are also able to swing the complete other direction and may say yes, too quickly. Indecisive is not part of our DNA and have very little knowledgeable about that. Sorry, we are not able to explain this trait to anyone.

We are loving, caring and hopefully when we get into your personal space, we are not overbearing yet you do run that risk. We love our people with all our hearts, would do anything for you because we believe our way is best not only for us but, for you as well. Forgive us if you can, love us if you can and enjoy us, if you can...

fear...

Fear is … a kind of unintentional storytelling that we are all born knowing how to do. Karen Thompson Walker.

There is not a caring parent alive who does not fear, most everything when it comes to their children. Not all parents can be included which in and of itself, tells a Story of fear that one would not wish on any child.

There has been much going on in our world currently that has most of us in fear for our children. Whether they are in school, on a bus...places where we use to believe were safe zones free from the Bad Guys. That is no longer the case and if you don't believe that, look at your own fears.

Just like all great stories, our fears focus our attention on a question that is as important in life as it is in literature: What will happen next?”

Ms Walker brings up a fascinating outlook on fear, one that had never crossed my mind. She talks about how fear tells its own Story, complete with characters, plot and outcome. The Stories that our fears tell us come from the same imagination that writes books, poems and other bits of literature. We are as drawn in to their reality as we are any book in our personal libraries.

I have a vivid imagination. I can make a mountain out of a molehill, in my mind. My fears are as detailed as my Stories of childhood or the red-headed lady at Walmart who I know was Jesus. Maybe that is why my fears are more crippling than say my DH. He is very matter of fact and his fears are nowhere near mine in content or intensity. I am mostly my only audience for these fear Stories so I think that the fear takes liberties it wouldn't if it was being published for all to see. It is an amazing and maybe even a healing place to begin to understand that for some of us, our fear Stories are just that, Stories. Not fact but fiction taken to the highest place it can go and then begs us, to jump.

I am spending some time here for a while. Facing one's fears is never done unless provoked and I am thinking this may be the time to pay some attention. Make no mistake, there are real fears out there but those are not the ones that make the best Stories. Fiction usually isn't as flashy or exciting as non-fiction. In non-fiction, the author is not bound by truth or time. Same goes for fear...

the Huskies...

The first year, she was a cheerleader while the boys played basketball. And, she was a good one but her heart was in the game and there she msot certainly, does shine.

With year two, it becomes very obvious that this girl is here to play. She watches Gage as he moves down the court. He has taught her about defense, without a word between the two of them.

We don't always have to use our words. Sometimes, we are quiet when we should speak up. More often than not, we feel like we have to get out our 2000 woman words, out and early.

Not a lot of chit chat on the sidelines. The girls watch, learn and cheer. Maybe we Big Girls should follow suit. Instead of judging everyone's body, intentions or decision-making process, maybe we should cheer each other on, while using less words.

Thank you Miss M for another great life lesson. I love you, Girl...

You are my Wild...

Tara Whitney posted some photos of her kids and directed us to the YAMW site. Photographers taking photos of their kids. There was no definition given but I love the phrase and love the idea.

Maybe you have a wild child. Aren't by their very nature, all children, wild? Not just in spirit but in what they think, and how they do solve problems. They don't chop it up like we do. They usually have a simple idea of how to do anything and just do. Not alot of planning, just doing.

Some are wilder than others.
Some are just born that way.
Others, go through streaks.

You are my Wild.
I love the sound of that.
May it forever, be.

aim...

We all have a dog in this fight.

since the Newtown tragedy, we all have an opinion. We can all agree this should never have happened in our country butthat is where the agreement ends. How to keep another Newtown from happening is has become the hot topic and the way to solve it would line up to infinity and beyond.

I have my own ideas of why and how. Are they the answer, no. There is not just one answer but what scares me most is having both sides armed, and having even more people killed. I will stand by my belief that if there had been people in that Aurora theater that night that had guns, more innocent people would have been killed. You would have to be a trained sharp shooter to aim in a dark theater and not hit more than your intended target. These kinds of gunfights could not possible end well.

...The research on actual gunfights, the kind that happen not in a politian's head but in flurescent-lit stairwells or strip-mall restaurants around America, reveal something surprising. Winning a gunfight without shooting innocent people typically requires realistic, expensive training and a special kind of person, a fact that has been strangely absent in all the back and forth about assault-weapons ban and the Secoond Amendment. Time

That is my fear. Beyond even the crazies is the crossfire. I know women with concealed gun permits. I know lots of people are carrying out there in my state. I don't know that any of them take regular on going training to perfect their aim. One class, get gun and, wait.

In the NYC police department, for example, officers involved in gunfights typically hit their intended target only 18% of the time.

Time

And these are people who train all the time. What does that say about us, John Q Public whose training consist fo TV shows, video games and movies?

The author goes on to explain that the brain changes when involved in a sudden attack, The brain does not work the way we think it will. It appears that there is a tendency for the the brain to freeze when under a threat. Where is the training to change that reaction?

We will never, ever agree. Had a long conversation with a new person about this and we were about as far on everything as you can be. There was a little back and forth and I brought up my Aurora theory and she thought I was dead wrong. Wow. How far apart can we be from one another, farther than you think...

capture...

The news this weekend about Brianna is as good as it gets. Doctors think she will be home in a couple of weeks. She is her old self and more. Migraines are few, her nana says she is feisty. I will take feisty, any day.

The kids gave me the I Believe bracelet for my birthday last November. I wear 6 silicone bracelets, each one has a purpose. The I Believe one references Eph 2:8.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.Ephesians 2:8

Even though we have had a Team Brianna praying for this child, night and day. It is not our doing that has saved her. Many are loved and prayed for where the outcome isn't as bright as ours. It is a mystery that we can't explain, don't understand and is not our business to capture.

What we are to capture is the Love of God, knows no bounds. Has no limits,and can not be tamed.

It is what it is...

While she is not out of the woods, she is closer than she has been in the last 6 months. She is in for some tough days ahead. Maybe one of us is too. If that is the case, we will pray for you knowing that the outcome is up to God. No matter the outcome of any given situation, we know Someday, it will be perfectly clear. Until that day comes, it is what it is. Praise God for where Brianna is today, Praise God for the hope that is in each and every one of us...

cold...

There were a couple of days last week, that I got cold and stayed that way.

Monday and Tuesday, I remember them well.

The news said it hadn't been this cold, this long in over 20 years. For one of the very few times, I believe them.

Nothing I did, nothing I drank, nothing. Went to bed cold, couldn't sleep. The morning brought no relief. The cold had dug it's heels in and I was powerless, against it. Even the house could not wrap itself around this cold, it couldn't keep up. It was cold everywhere one went.

Yesterday when the high got up to 25, it felt downright, balmy. I noticed it during the night, was able to sleep a bit even though I was fully dressed. The hall didn't have that bitting artic blast. My body started to relax.

The forecast is calling for warmer temps. Unsure if we are out of the cold woods, I am only looking forward to 35 degrees with glee. As I lay trying to keep warm, I wondered about those who are living on the street. What does this night look like for them? For those who might not have made it through the night, may God bless them. To those who live on to fight another day, may God bless you. Really makes you wonder how Michigan and Minnesota ever get anyone to live there...

sisters...

While these two have never met, Someday they will. Sisters by choice, not by nature. They have a bond that only little girls can share.

Miss B will have limited visitation for the next year so it may be a while. But, it will happen. If I can be there,Wow. If I can't, I want to here all about it because it will be awesome...

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Not only are we having the coldest weather I can remember in a long while, our darling SIL had to fly to Canada for work. Yesterday when he arrived it was -47. While it makes what we are experiencing, darn near hot - we are miserable with the cold and without him.

Poppa and I try to help when he is gone. Homework, laundry, meals and reminding everybody that it is only a few days. As in all his trips when he is away, he checks in every night by Facetime and talks to each one. Asking about their day and telling them he loves them. It is his way of comforting his family and no one could ask for more.

Facetime may be on the single, best inventions ever. Long ago there were rumors and a few prototype photos with viewing capability but now, it is real and works like a charm.

We will all have to endure the next few days with all the bravery we can muster. Praying for daddy and hope he is home soon. In the meantime, we party on...

the Sooners...

Basketball has begun and the first game did not disappoint. I am not very sportsy. Having given birth to a girly girl, my exposure to sports has been very limited. But, when the boys came along, I caught up, quick and now, with Miss M playing rather than cheerleading, it is all on the line.

For Mr Sooner, it could not come more naturally. As I watch him run up and down the court, I understand the whole Air Jordan thing. Football is where his heart is but he gives it all up for basketball season and it makes for some great life lessons.

Not so much about the rules, I could care less if he stops and pivets but that part of the lesson. Just because you can do Something, doesn't always mean you should. Or that you will be given credit. It may even go against you. Even he lives better than I do inside the boundaries given to him. He made a fabulous catch, actually, stunning but it was out of bounds. I still gave him kudos. It was awesome.

He like me, needs to have boundaries. Some of us fight harder than most to learn that lesson. We see it, know we can do it yet... it doesn't counts or worse, has a penalty attached.

Live and learn until you crash and burn... Heard that this morning on the radio. Maybe we will always have to learn the hard way. Too bad, we couldn't learn it sooner rather than later...

Bottom feeders...

low lifes, whatever the term you want to use. When you hear these terms, somebody comes to mind.

Might be a distant relative or a friend of a friend. We don't really like to think of people this way but they make it very hard, not to. Choosing to not make a right choice and a history of not doing the right thing is their legacy and we are left deciding how they fit in our lives.

It is the toughest time to remember that Jesus loves them as much as he does us and politicians. We think of them as takers and if the truth be told, wouldn't accept anything they had to offer or give it much validity.

I have a butt load of them in my history, many more than any person should. More life lessons learned by what not to do than the exanple of the right thing to do. I have learned and hopefully, make better choices because of it. Hard to believe about the Jesus stuff, but we have to learn a lot of things that are tough to believe. This one makes sense, we just don't like it much...

black and white...

Wouldn't life be easier if we had referees following our every moves?
Making everything right 100% of the time?

Of course, not every violation would be caught and the whistle blown, the appropriate punishment given but it would be better than the free for all that life brings now. It would be confining but everyone would see it is not always, my fault. It would also be obvious, at least by the photos, that is isn't always about us.

But life is not fair, it is not black and white and mostly, it is not about us.

It is a hard lesson, one we have to learn over and over and over, again.

Truth be told, we probably wouldn't be as happy as one might imagine. There would still be unfairness. Missed calls or just wrongg calls, would still get our goats and we would still, complain.

We like it when the good guy wins but can't agree always or mostly, on who the good guy is. That is why in some areas of life, we need the black and whites to help us out but I gotta say, to have one around when DH and I got into those conversations where agreement is no where to be found, I would love to hear that black and white blow a whistle, point at WhatHisName and yell, Foul. Oh, how that would do we a world of good. Won't hold my breath waiting for it but a girl can dream, can't she?

piriformis syndrome...

It was exactly a year ago today. I knew what the pain was as soon as it came on. I had experienced the same thing 3 years early.

I knew it would last months, would require cold packs and back exercises. I was ready. But after four month, no relief. In fact, it got worse and the very worse, was yet to come. I gave up my beloved scrapbbooking and learn to lay on my side. Sitting was at a minimum and for many months, non existant. At the 6 month mark, it moved to unbearable.

So after an ER visit, four trips to the doctor, three to the chiroprator and $6000.00 in pending charges, I find myself on the first anniversary - contemplating all these things and still having pain. My saving grace has come in the form of Miss Shelly, my massage therapist and we are... working it out. Rolling on a tennis ball inbetween visits, I am finally able to see some results. The pain is now isolated yet constant.

If you have ever had acute physical pain, you know of what I speak. IT has been a time of tremedous personal growth, physical pain always gets your attention first. Interestingly enough, it came at a time that I can really relate to Miss Brianna and what she is going through. Anytime pain can bring you down, really down, it doesn't matter what causes it. You are more than ready to throw in the towel at any given moment, Just make it stop. You want relief and you want it now.

So Happy Anniversary PS! It has been quite a year and I hope however long we are together, the lesson is learned once and for all. Sorry you don't like the tennis ball, fight back all you want - I am on to you. Today is a good day and I can see clearly enough to thank you for this journey. The ebbs and flows of everyday life. Some days are better than others. Some are way worse, we can't wait for them to be over and see if the sunrise will bring something, anything new. Hope is our greatest asset, and today, I am ready to go, again...

Thick skin...

You don't live 61 years and not develop thick skin. yes, it is possible but that kind of life is a whole other post. For most of us, the experiences of life that occur, again and again, in the same yet different form, give us what we need to understand and adjust.

There are parts of my life that have calluses. Right or not, you couldn't penetrate through even with a jack hammer. I always tell my gkids and I mean it,

You are not going to hurt my feelings...

If they have something else to do or want to go with friends, I will never be offended by them making a that choice, and I mean it. I understand that they and their parents have lives of their own. That is the way it is suppose to be. I am responsible for my own entertainment and anybody who chooses to spend anytime with me, I am humbly grateful.

But, I am not covered in calluses. There are spots that are vunerable. None of us is an island and from time to time, something gets through where the skin is not as thick and we get our feelings hurt.

It is universal. Happens to all of us and usually, the person who was did the deed is, so not aware. The things that we think were fly bys turn out to be tramatic for our kids. It is those little things that we are completely unaware of, that hurt them or made them sad.

So one of my ideas is to promote the healing of all skin. To understand that hurt can not be totally eliminated. To work through those times and move on. In an ideal world, to grow a full body skin that was immune to the elements of weather, the ravages of disappoints and only let in the light and love. Let's try a Real Life version and see if we can't get close...

365...

Oh, The Places You'll Go...Dr Seuss

I have never been successful at doing a 365 project. Taking a photo everyday has put me into a state where I am desperately grabbing things at 10PM to fill in that empty spot. I tried a 52 project last year, thinking I could find a one photo, once a week, that tripped my trigger. Another thought process that was unsuccessful. This year may be different.

Miss Nancy has me thinking about my feet. I often take photos of my feet but the idea of taking a photo everyday to mark where I have been, is one that has just got my attention. Not because I feel like I have to but because I want to. We all take so many steps everyday, the idea of my feet telling a Story sounds like a keeper to me. Might have some duo photos, my feet and those we have hung out with. Thinking long and hard and have started the whole process. Whose knows where this may all lead...but I am willing to find out.

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left. Here we go...

Help Thanks Wow...

In prayer, I see suffering bathed in light. In God, there is no darkness. I see God's light permeating them, soaking into them, guiding their feet... So I pray for people who are hurting, that they be filled with air and light. Air and light heal: they somehow get into those dark, musty places, like spiritual antibiotics...

A girl has the right to change her mind, or just add to it. I started the year with Anne Lamott's book, Help Thanks Wow, on my mind. I realized that the heart and soul were a part of that so my words for the year, are Help Thanks Wow, with heart and soul. That is more like it.

She reminds me that all prayers, fall into one of these catagories.

Help Thanks Wow.

Help me not to be such an ass.

How refreshing. There have been times that I have been stuck in Help. Needing a good butt kicking to get out and give Thanks and Wow, a chance. When I did, I was able to see beyond my little piece of the Puzzle.

Not sure how this will fit on a necklace. I will need to be reminded daily. I want to live here, it is the only thing that makes sense right now. Thanks Anne, look out 2013, I am coming for you...

snow day...

Had a pretty good idea that is might be a snow day but the morning made it official. We Facetimed the kids and Morgan said, her dad woke her up, and her alarm said 9:24 and she said, I am late for school! No worries today Princess, get ready to chill.

It is also DH first Snow Day. He said he doesn't remember having snow days as a kid, where school was canceled and there was never a snow day off work, so this is a whole new world for him too. He took the iPad outside to show the kids the new snow falling and watch the neighbor's kids playing in it.

So we are just hanging out, wondering if this constant new snow will bring another snow day tomorrow. Really, what would be the point of going back for just one day, let's make it a run of four days and try again next week!

Inside, warm and cozy. Not much could get me out today but it sure seems a shame to have the kids home and we are stuck here. We will each have to drink our hot chocolate apart and dream of warmer days. Thank goodness for Facetime. Who knew?

heart and soul...

I usually follow the crowd and pick a word to define the upcoming year. It is usually something I put little effort in because I can't compact my expectations in one word. This year, we are going to shake it up a bit. Not one word but three, heart and soul.

Yes, it is because of this photo. Miss M and Mr Matt playing the piano and just being. It was a lovely Moment, glad I got to share it with them. This 20 Something generation has captured my heart. They seem to be so creative and so full of life, maybe I just don't remember but I think they are different than we were.

Heart and soul, whatever this year brings, I want to be in. I want to be a part of it. I want to experience it all, the good and the bad. The heart and the soul of everyday life. The heart and soul of the wonderful things that are going to happen and the heart and soul, when the day and night both, have no light.

Heart and Soul... I fell in love with you, let's do this thing!

Happy New Year...

Still have Christmas 2012 on the brain. Maybe it is because of the glazed donuts, or maybe it has to do with my new Poloroid camera. Am beening purposefuly on what I want to document with those cute little business size photos. So far I have a photo of the kids on Christmas Day, complete with Miss M wearing a Santa hat and a chocolate glazed donut from Krispy Kreme. Not sure what the 2013 Poloroid book will look like but we are off to a good start.

Tomorrow marks the day of getting back to Real Life. Everybody is back in school and DH and I go back to everyday is a Vacation Day. Getting back to eating a bit better. Have read, Eat To Live, by Joel Fuhrman and looking at redefining how my diabetic diet. It seems overwhelming, have and will find out, how strong my addictive holds are. That is the scariest part. They have already let me know, in no uncertain terms, they are not going away without a fight are are armed and ready for battle.

The news about Miss Brianna the last week had been good. Looks like the transplant is finally starting to take effect. Her numbers are up, she is have less tummy issues. Already, 2013 is looking up.

I am excited for the days to come. New things to learn, new things to experience. Never in my lifetime has it been so easy to learn. The world is at our fingertips, we can go anywhere we want.

Here's to 2013.
May we become better people for being a part of her world.
Look forward to seeing more of you, thank you in advance...

glazed donuts...

While donuts have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember, glazed donuts never made the cut. Ever.

Put chocolate on them, wouldn't matter a bit, glazed donuts might as well have been green jello donuts, never spotted on my life radar screen....Until a few weeks ago.

Now, I have been at Krispy Kremes a hundred times. Maybe more. Chocolate cake donuts, now the Red Velvet ones always seemed to get and keep my attention. If they are baking when you are there, they give you a free, hot glazed donut, I have always said, No thank you.

Not sure the chain of events but when to the kids house and they offered us some KK donuts. I looked in the box and there were several varieties of glazed donuts left. I almost closed the box but this time, I did not. I grabbed one expecting nothing and I was hooked. Cold, glazed donuts. I was hooked good.

In the next several days, we found oursleves back at Krispy Kremes. No accident, it was planned. This time Chocolate glazed, a new world just opened up to me. 61 years of denial, fell in love in less than 60 seconds. Only KK, all others pale and are inferior and will still be avoided at all costs.

Makes me wonder what else I am missing out on? This is why I think being a student, learning something everyday is where it is at. I heard a comedian today say now that he is 70, he has graduated from everything. He has learned all he need to know and he is closing the mind shop down.

I think he is missing it. Maybe a lot of its. Never close your mind, always be ready and you will not be disappointed. Life has enough disappoints, never stop looking for the silver lining. 2013, here we go...