March 20...

was only the first day of Spring but at least in our little world, a bit more. We started the morning by enrolling Miss M in PreK. She will be reprising the Smith role with Miss Brandi and Miss Shelli at Gage's old school. As we walked in the school on Friday, both Miss B and Miss S grabbed all of us and hugged us tight. Miss M is so excited and we are giddy. It will be a great time and Miss M will most certainly make it her own. Miss Brandi really misses Gage, as most women do but looks like they will still be able to see each other, once in a while.

We continued our morning with Miss M's playgroup at Mc Dee's. The kids got to run and play and except for Morgan, probably took good naps for their mommies. A quick grocery shopping trip before we picked Keaton up from early release, took the rest of our time.

Keaton got in the car and yelled, We got to watch channel 7 at six tonight!!!! and he proceeded to tell us about his morning. One of the kids in his class didn't know it but would be surprised by the return of his dad who had been in Iraq for the last 15 months. Keaton said, B cried when he saw his dad, the teacher cried and so did Keaton. They all got to ask the dad questions and then they all went home with an military goody bag - when you are 9, it just doesn't get any better.

On the way to Sonic, we discussed how hard it would be to have their daddy gone and not see him for two Christmas's. We counted our blessings right there and then. B was going to get to spend spring break with his dad and Keaton thought that was just cool.

Looks like Spring Break is off to a great start. We are having a Keaton sleepover at nana's tonight, then an American Idol sleepover at their house on Tuesday. Will pick up Gage Wednesday night for another sleepover and finish with a Miss M one later in the week. There is a trip to Powell's Candy store and Wahooz too. Looks like we have a Plan and while we are living ours, we will be thinking about B and his dad - hope their week is super...

that kind of day...

A quick trip to Costco today for ah...toilet paper was the inspiration to gather my babes for a quick photo. It was the perfect end to a interesting day.

I had spent a few hours this morning watching the AIG CEO, Edward Libby be questioned by Congress. We have all heard and been disgusted by those who have run our economy into the ground. The news this past weekend that AIG was using 165 million dollars to pay out retention bonuses just added to the madness. The 165m was to be split up between 418 people. 73 people would received over a million each, 4 got over 4 million. 11 no longer worked for AIG but got the bonuses anyway.

The more the Ceo was grilled, the more the information became unbelievable. Bonuses are traditionally based on a company's profitability but one of the senators had a copy on a contract that stated on page 10 that bonuses would be paid regardless of the company's losses. Hard to imagine being able to write your own terms but probably harder to imagine having your name being published as receiving one of these bonuses and having to face your neighbors. Mr Libby also told Congress that he asked everyone who received over $100,000 to give 1/2 of it back. No one in the room was impressed. The government is talking about taxing the bonuses back to the people who own 80% of AIG - you and me.

It was a fascinating study in human nature and the ability to defend your beliefs without having a clue as to how hollow they sound. I couldn't do it. I couldn't begin to explain now to take greed and make it palpable to a nation who is hurting like ours. As the sparks flew back and forth, I thought about the people I know who have lost jobs, houses and their 401K's. We all know life isn't fair but somedays it strikes home more than others.

I didn't put my day and the photo together until later today and then it made me smile. After wanting to cry earlier, it balanced out what I had been feeling all day. While we will never understand how things can get so screwed up, we do understand that they do and often. This won't be the last scandal because we all know, we are capable of so much more... and worse.

Cain and Abel.
King David.
Jesus.

Craig Scott whose sister, Rachel Scott was the first student killed in the April 1999 Columbine shooting was in town tonight to speak about Rachel's Challenge. He talked about his sister and how they had fought that fateful morning and how he didn't get to say sorry. After letting her out of the car at school, the next time he saw her was in a casket. He talks these days of being kind to one another and how one person can make a difference. It was a great way to end the day. A wave of emotions that will end with prayers for all of us, and that tomorrow. God willing, we have a chance to try again...

the human in all of us...

While turning on the news on any given day is a crap shoot at best, when you can look at life (and people )in a true, corrected perspective, it is a good day. This reoccurring phenomena on Jay Leno never ceases to amaze and scare me. It makes so many other things in life makes sense and helps me to put my expectations where they need to be to.

We are human and that means we can't understand or explain everything. We were never meant to. If you can help someone along the Way, great but if you think that all is gold that runs thru your head, step back and get some perspective. While I am always surprised when I watch Battle of the All Stars, it is only because it brings a sense of familarity.

Give yourself or someone else a break today. I imagine that in our own particular lives, we could also stand in these guys shoes. I have heard some things that were spoken as the gospel truth that couldn't be more off the mark. This is also why we can never say, we have arrived. It's not treu - we have so far to go...

the furious love of God...

Went to church with the kids on Sunday and the best part was Miss M wanting to have her picture taken in their very lovely bathroom. Not sure what her deal was but nana was more than happy to oblige her. There are very few times in a girl's life when she wants here picture taken, when she feels good enough about herself to have it documented so I say, go for it - no matter where or when.

Church was fine. Ok, maybe not that fine. Everyone in our family showed up so we took up the whole back row except for the end seat, right next to mine. Thinking that is wasn't necessary to put my purse and our collective coats on the chair because who would even want to sit there...except Karl, that's who. DD immediately had her DH move down to the extra seat by him. She know her mama. The seat next to me is never open to strangers, never. Issues and this one is mine. So the morning started off bad and then a few statements before and during the sermon hit me wrong. Nothing outstanding just the same church jargon - you would think we could learn to say something different. Still trying to figure out if something the pastor said is biblically correct or just his opinion.

Woke up yesterday and this stinky cold is coming back. Feel asleep early and then couldn't sleep. I wanted to finish the book I was reading so I could pass it to my friend who is heading out of town. The cover flap marked the place where I had stopped reading the night before and I picked it on pg 24 and read these words.

How is it then that we've come to imagine that Christianity consists primarily in what we do for God? How has this come to be the good news of Jesus? Is the kingdom that He proclaimed to be nothing more than a community of men and women who go to church on Sunday, take an annual spiritual retreat, read their bibles every now and then, vigorously oppose abortion, don't watch x-rated movies, never use vulgar language, smile a lot, hold doors open for people, root for the favorite team and get along with everybody? Is that why Jesus went through the bleak and bloody horror of Calvary? Is that why He emerged in shattering glory from the tomb? Is that why He poured out His Holy Spirit on the church? To make nicer men and women with better morals? The gospel is absur and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died and rose again with but no other purpose in mind: to make new creations.

I am only here for the furious love of God - nothing else. Brennan Manning reminded me once again, of the what I know to be true.

...the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness and extravagant, furious love. This, my friends, is what it really means to be a Christian. Our religion never begins with what we do for God. It always starts with what God has done for us, the great and wondrous things that God dreamed of and achieved for us in Christ Jesus

This furious love of God will allow me to walk back into church, any church and do the best I can. One of the things that hit me so wrong last Sunday was the same stale call to come and make friends at church. I have enough friends, thank you, not interested in any more. Then I remind myself that my best friends, each and every one either came directly from a face to face at a church or thru a church friend. Every single one. The church is no match for the furious, wonderful love of Jesus but because of that love, I will go back - again and again...

the stocks and bonds of life...

Wish I could have seen the big Twitter thing coming - would have moved my 401K money over there. They have experienced a 900% increase in the last year. I am lost when trying to figure out where to put our money these days. It is not even about making money, just not losing it every day.

Speaking of losing everyday, there is more debate about the downfall of the newspaper. Colorado closed the doors on their 150 year old paper and many more are following suit. I talked about this last year when I applied to be on the editorial board of the local newspaper. I was a bit upset that I wasn't pick but less than a week later my FIL passed away and a few weeks after that I was doing very glad that I didn't have that weekly commitment. This year, I am glad for different reasons.

In an interview conducted by a local TV channel, the newspaper admits to a combination of the economy and change in technology for the newspapers woes. I think they are being a bit shortsighted - the economy will get better but no one is going back to the caveman way of getting our news. That ship has sailed and it is only going one direction. The news I read in the paper at 630AM was the news I read on the internet at 630AM Saturday and Sunday. I read nothing I didn't already know. If it wasn't for DH, I would be keeping my $130/year and invest it elsewhere. It doesn't make sense to invest in a for sure, unsure thing. If you close to retirement age, like we are - you probably aren't putting lots of money in 401K right now. If you are 30, you would be wise to put all you can in your account. You have the time to wait it out and there is potential for a large gain. If I were to throw everything in the pot, that would be a very unwise and perhaps, end with tragic financial results.

Sorry, Newspaper, it is your turn to die a natural death. No bailout or TARP funds can save you now. You are a victim of a much bigger monster - one you can't fight and have no way of winning. Your readers are a dying breed and the new generation just isn't interested in you - they have gone a completely different way and you can't compete on their level. As your generation of readers, the 60-80 year old's die off, so will you. Just like the dinosaurs, you have run your course. On behalf of those who have read and used the paper for years, thank you but the closing bell has rung, your stock now worth less than a penny a share and your investors have all scattered. Enjoy the rest of your days - Hakuna Matata.

PS Not trying to be snarky - maybe Little River Band's, Cool Change would be a better fit but the idea is the same. Just read today where the Seattle paper is going to the web only. It is a new world, we will all need to make changes, like it or not.

on the right track...

I preface this post by saying that life is good for me right now. Very good. While I believe that you learn more in hard times, the good times give you time and space to think about When happens. I rehearse different events that have not happened yet in my life every week. There is a part of me that says I will not be completely caught off guard and it just isn't in my nature, not to think about them.

One of the things I think about is will my beliefs about God hold up? when the time comes. I want to tell you with absolute certainty that they will. I do believe that I am prepared as well as I can be for today. If I am able to get to the Big Picture and focus there, I will be ok. I can't do anything about tomorrow and its issues. Tomorrow comes more insight and isn't here yet so no use in speculating about it. Tomorrow comes with its own circumstances and journey.

Of all the scenarios I have imagined, I come out at the end of while the present is at times, somewhat rough. It is not all pretty, smooth or am I proud of my actions. Except for the one where a man tries to steal my babies at a store and I jump them and hold them down until the police arrive. There is some bad stuff that goes on before their help arrives but it is my Story and that is just the way it is. All I can say is after telling my husband the Story, he felt bad for the person in my custody and hope he lives.

The truth is on any given day, I may or may not be on the right track. I will never really know until I get to the end of my destination. It doesn't matter if you are on the right track, that is never the focus but what the journey is like as you go down the track. Again, I am coming from a Happy Place but I've got to hope that I have learned something, along the way...

Beryl and Tourmaline...

Reviewed with Bob and Tom yesterday the icons for celebrating wedding anniversaries. I remembered that the traditional one calls for paper, the modern version is defined by clocks - knowing most men, this would seem to be a slam dunk if they can remember the date of your special day and I know there are men that always do. The others say those guys ruin it for the rest of them.

Both camps go thru the years and do have some similarities but also have generational twists. Year 4 traditionally calls for fruit and flower but the new version, appliances. I remember appliances was a dirty word when it came to anniversaries - one worthy of being shot at. The average marriage now lasts 7.2 years. Bronze/pottery and linen/lace are the gift of choice for Year 8. Yesterday it was suggested that if you make it that long, both choices should be changed to new home. I wholeheartedly agree.

As you march and get down to my territory, 38 years in November, you are in for a big surprise. After 15 years, the traditional list is only active every 5 years. The modern version has wisely decided to stick with the yearly plan if only to save itself and fill in all the blanks. Traditionally, 35 years will get you Coral (move on, nothing to see here)and 40 will get you Ruby, which I suggest is the color of Disney World but back to 38. the modern way. I can take the next 8 months to anticipate Beryl and Tourmaline - CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! I am worthy of Aluminum Silicate and Sodium Aluminum Borosilicate. I truly don't know what to say - totally speechless at this point. Where does one start? Would love to get a hold of the guy (there can be no question here) who came up with this fine gift idea.

So there you go, something to look forward too. I am pretty sure I can swing this to my advantage yet as of now, nothing Disney-related. This picture was taken on our 25th anniversary, the good old days of silver and silver. Ah, those were the days. When a girl didn't have to use Google and a pen to figure out what her man was going to get her for their special day.

PS. Miss C, 28 will get a modern woman orchids... Congrats my friend!

giddy...

I am not by nature, a giddy person. I am drawn to giddiness by certain life experiences of which I am not privy to until necessary, then it is...uncontrollable.

Giddy ( gid/e)
1. affected by vertigo, dizzy.
2. frivolous and lighthearted.
3. possessed by a diving being.

Didn't see that third definition coming. When I think back to the things in life that have made me what I consider giddy, they are as varied in nature as nature itself.

James and Julia wedding dance - The Time of My Life.
Seeing my daughter and grandchildren right after they were born.
Diet Coke and chocolate chips cookies for breakfast.

The List goes on and on and would probably make no sense at some point. When I accepted God after years of rejecting Him, I was giddy. I was also giddy when I got a pair of black plastic gloves from Miss M a few weeks ago. The thing is, you never know. You never know for a reason. We aren't meant to know everything, good or bad, until we need to. Not one who likes surprises, I am learning that in either direction, it is ok to wait until it comes. Today, just being able to breathe made me giddy and it lasted all day. In fact, it is still on. That is what moved me to head over to You Tube and watch James and Julia's dance, one more time. Put the earphones on and cranked it up. The look on their faces and their friends just made me grin. So did Bakerella and Pioneer Woman making Cake Pop but there might have been a bit of envy in there.

Not sure I would have appreciated the art of being giddy a few years ago but that was before I knew better. Now that I do, there is no stopping me...

its only Tuesday...

This morning, I thought it was Thursday. That what comes from a few hours of sleep. After 5 hours of West Wing yesterday and very little of anything else, I dragged myself to the store and bought my new BFF - kid's Mucinex Cold. I have to take the kids version because I can't swallow or crush the mammoth dose of the adult version which so I so dearly coveted. While I hoped, little did I knwo that 12 hours later there would be a change and finally, one for the good.

Between thinking about where congestion comes from and the presidential antics of the staff of POTUS, my mind tried frantically to built a bridge between the two which most certainly shows some brain malfunction.

I woke up from yet another stupor and one of my favorite scenes was starting to play out while I gain some composure. It is when President Bartlet decides that doing what is right is more important than getting re-elected. One by one, they each respond

I serve at the pleasure of the President.

I have used this analogy before but like all things, I need to hear the repetition to make it stick.

Who do I serve? I would answer, I serve at the pleasure of the One who made me.
What do that mean? I guess it means that whether,

I am having a wonderful day,
or one filled with tears and grief.
Whether I have just lost a friend who I known forever,
or bonded with a complete stranger, for a few moments.
I imagine that whatever comes my way,
I will handle it,
and understand that there is a Bigger Picture than I can see or will ever understand in this life.

I want to have the same reaction as Leo, Josh, Sam, CJ and even Toby. With full confidence that my faith is not based on just the good times. I have no photos, no great YouTube video or cute blog to show today. Just me and what is running through my head.

Somedays are like this and its only Tuesday. Wow, could turn out to be quite a week. Looks like I am on the mend but am so happy I have had these days to remember who I am and what I am doing here which is an ever-changing process. Being holed up for the last 4 days wouldn't seem to have much affect on anyone but me...and that may well be the Plan...

destiny...

As I sit on the couch waiting for another sneezing attack - I think. While it may not be the best use of my time, I find it interesting to have a block of time to ponder.

Why am I here?
What would my life look like if I didn't/hadn't ( insert theme here)?
What comes next?

Obsessed with all things Lego, DD built the American Idol stage and after Simon, Randy and Paula the only person left was the contestant. Indiana Jones was the only likely candidate. How would Indy's life have looked had it made it into the Top 13? Besides the gazillions of dollars he had made from his movies, would that really have made him happy? We and he will never know. Life dealt him a change in journey and he seemed to adapt very well.

We all have our ideas and want to translate those ideas into reality. If you have watched any episode of the AI try outs, you know what I mean. What I don't understand about some of these people is do they not have ANYONE in their lives who will tell them the truth about their singing before they go on TV and are completely humiliated? Aren't they wasting valuable time that could be used to find their real calling?

I will only consider that Indy could carry a tune. Perhaps on a whim, he thought he might as well. Looks like he already had the Indiana Jones thing going on. The hat was a bold choice to wear at his audition. So he wasn't picked. he moved on to bigger and better things. No wallowing - just accepting that destiny doesn't always come as easily as ideas and thinking. Try something and if it doesn't work, move on. Keep trying, just don't get hung up there. Failing isn't failing unless you let it. Wonder what he chose to sing? Hope it wasn't Macho Man...

the art of a miracle...

Having lived the last 60 or so hours in a congested, aching and pityful world. I have thought about this video since I saw Friday morning before the sneezing started. Last night in the middle of chills that took over my body, my mind focused back to better times. I thought about the miracles I have seen and those that were yet to come. I am praying for a particular situation and every time I do, I am reminded of the miracles I have already seen and how small this prayer is in comparison.

Jason McElway is just another one of these miracles. If you are praying for a miracle, remember Jason or one you have experienced yourself. It will make your day and your prayer...

I've got good news and I've got bad news...

(photo from legomyphoto.wordpress.com)

... said DH when he uncharacteristically called yesterday afternoon. When given this option, I will always take the bad news first. Always - even though if the bad is bad enough, the good will get lost in the background. It was not life changing, only day changing. Had to cancel his appointment to get his eyes checked after breaking his glasses last weekend which would not be a bid deal for most people but for Mr Stevie Wonder, his glasses are a big deal. After he realized he had broke his 6 year old glasses, I watched him dig through drawers of stuff looking for his old glasses. That is what he has been wearing and will continue to wear until he can get some time off.

That he found those old glasses, didn't' come as too much of a shock to me. We are a family of two to whom finding things have at times been raised to genius level. Last week DD commented that the bedspread I had got her for Christmas was really defective. A comforter that had morphed itself into a tunnel surrounded in fabric. I immediately knew I had the receipt and we were in for an adventure.

I truly expected to have issues at JC Penney's and I was prepared. There would be no bad news this day, only good. DH felt sorry for the CS person who would be helping me that morning. I was prepared for battle. ready and armed. To no avail. Didn't need it. They gladly took it back and gave me a refund. Took the wind out of my very passionate sails.

If given the choice, none of us wants to have to wear a life preserver but will grab one when things start to go wrong. I've got no news, good or bad but if I did, I would ask each of you how you wanted it and that is how you would get it. I would also hand out life perservers, as needed. That is the least we can do for each other. I want you to make it, us to make it - no matter what...

more than a feeling...

Like it or not, our lives are a mix of old and new. Old School doesn't look so old anymore. Technology is taking us places faster than we could ever imagine. This year I can register our license plates online. 99% of the time I turn to the Internet for breaking news. By the time the newspaper comes, it is all old news. I have already moved on.

From digital photos to paying bills online, life as we know it, has and is changing every day and I could not be happier. From our cell phones, we know who is calling by the song that is playing. Email is awesome and now, Facebook and Twitter. Going to stay away from twittering for now but understand that doctors are twittering from the operation room. What is next?

If you have do your taxes online, you know of what I speak. I had my refund back in 6 days. The old way always took months. The cool thing is you can do as much or as little as you want. We can still function with USPO delivering our mail and depositing money in person at the bank. Like a sliding scale, whatever you are comfy with.

Whatever your level of comfort, I hope you are adventurous enough to check out Something new. It is a new world, filled with lots of cool things. For some photo fun, check out Photofunia.com I put Gage's picture in a magazine, blew it up to a 11x14 and framed it. Truly gorgeous. I am running out of wall space - I feel a whole photo redecoration coming on.

For some fun, check out a new twist to the 365 day project at legomyphoto.wordpress.com. Humor and Lego's - what's not to Love?

DD's pastor writes a very interesting blog - DougMurren.com. He is a hoot in Real Life. I always have to think about his posts for days after reading them - love when something makes me think.

I would tell you to go read Anne Jackson's blog -flowerdust.net but she is giving up blogging and such for Lent. New ... meet old.

Not unlike juggling, another fine line we have to walk in this Life. It is a slippery slope to be sure, but take your time, go slow but go. You might learn Something and it might - change your world...

juggling...

My Dad Can Juggle from Pete Wilson on Vimeo.

Pete was pretty sure that his son's first grade class wouldn't be too interested in his occupation of pastoring a church. Then he remembered he knew how to juggle - it was a hit. Take that, Cotton Candy making dad.

His first set of juggling items seem harmless enough. The worse he could do it hit some kid but at that age, it would be cool. In Act 2, he brings out a machete, a egg and a bowling ball. Made me nervous instantly. Nothing good could come from this and although it would cinch his position in the favorite parent catagory, at what cost I ask?

Pastor Pete's choice of items made me think of those days of life that are fragile and out of control. Not sure where we are going but understanding that we are headed out fast is much like thinking about juggling a bowling ball and a egg, and adding a machete seems like suicide... and stupid.

If you are a stay at home mom, this is your everyday normal. It is also your life if you work outside the home. This will certainly resemble your life if you are looking for a job, don't have enough money to pay all the bills or have a teenager. Right about now, I would imagine that most of us feel like we are juggling more than we can handle and as we throw everything up in the air, all we can see in our minds eye is everything crashing all around us but the reality is that is life, The yin and yang of each season of our lives. The young ones have a long way to go and sometimes don't want help. They have everything in the air and are feeling pretty good about it. Nothing you can do. Sometimes, it can be the same for older people. Ever wonder why those who are 17 or 70, share the same description - senior.

I appreciate Pete's effort to wow Jett's class. Now I would challenge him to do that same routine next Sunday in both services and see if the congregation can get what the first graders saw. It's all about paying attention, about practice and about keeping your eye on the egg...

together...

There is just Something about doing things together. You don't have to say much, most is understood - the rest, unimportant. It just about sharing the Journey.

You know those times you think it is just you and when you find out it isn't, you feel so much better? Even those of us who think we are mostly better by ourselves, we are not as smart as we think. Whether working together on a project or collaborating on a recipe or even checking out a good read. This is a scary world, nothing wrong with a little buddy system.

We are told over and over - don't go swimming alone, walk home in pairs, pray together and that marriage is the hardest work you will ever do. There are times when it is easier to go it alone but may not be the best choice. There are also times when you have no choice, you have to go it alone. A time and place for everything and everything in moderation but together can be a wonderful place to be...

about 77 hours ago...

Just before heading out to Keaton's 4th grade Idaho history concert, I wanted to check in with the world so I booted up my computer and...

Crash
nothing except a horrible, sinking feeling. I had planned to set up with Mozy to back up my files that day. Would I have gotten around to it on Thursday? Would I have it done by today? Maybe, maybe not.

When DD called called this morning and said my favorite SIL had not only fixed it, he backed up everything and they were on their way to my house to set it back up for me. I can't tell you how giddy I felt. Last night, it didn't look so good.

The real lesson all of this is how much I care about this stuff that really is not that important. To be nauseous over a computer. Ok, we all depend on our computers daily and not until yours crashes is it real and the very first thing I did was sign up for Mozy, There is no need to have such fear over losing computer stuff when you can cover it for $4.95 a month. That is money well spent IMHO. Let me tell you while I knew a crash was possible, even probable - it was always Down The Road. Like everything in life, DTR comes sooner rather than later.

Even as late as yesterday morning, I would forget that I was computer-less and walk into my office and be said. The only hopeful thing was that by Hour 24, the nausea was gone and I began to accept the worse. I had three scenarios in my mind but didn't factor in a hardware issue which last night seemed credible and looked like it was going to cost Mr D some money. There are many lessons to be learned and I have just started. I had pre-ordered Brennan Manning's book, the furious longing of Godlast year and it showed up on Friday. Coincidence, I think not.

I am my beloved's and His desire is for me (Song of Soloman 7:10 NASB)

Today's and tomorrow's (I am pretty sure this high won't wear off soon!) joy won't last forever. It was never promised to. In fact, there is a cost to follow Jesus even though the gift is free. Just realized that Miss M's birthday is on Easter this year, Looks like it will be quite a celebration.

We were getting coffee after Keaton's Idaho history concert on Thursday (the highlight was the singing and dancing about all the counties in Idaho - quite a musical accomplishment) and the coffee shop owner said, I am doing a little survey - what three things do you need to be successful? . Without even thinking I told her I thought there was only one thing and you needed to repeat it three times - gratitude. If you aren't grateful for what you have - nothing will ever be enough. Nothing will ever satisfy, nothing will fill that void. About 72 hours ago, I learned a quick lesson in gratitude, one I hope to remember for awhile...

crash...

Big computer crash.
Not sure when we will be back.
DSIL is working on it.
Hopefully, soon...

the man of my dreams...

Having had DH home for the last 5 Sundays has been wonderful. I introduced him to where we sit in church now and we have got to see the kids a bit more, I am grateful for each one. Yesterday he told me this week he would be working but that is ok. Soon, he will be back.

It will be 38 years in November that he had the good fortune to catch me. He was not the man of my dreams - hold on, let me explain. I told him about the man of my dreams and if I was ever missing, where to look. 38 years ago, it was the Hostess cupcake man. Your worries about my wandering will be few unless there is a Wonder bread truck in view.

I never had a face but I had an occupation. Never cared about height, or muscles or most every physical quality, the man of my dreams would keep me in cupcakes. Don't' laugh, I was serious. He would bring home the sweets that the stores rejected and we would live, happily ever after. What a immature dream! Later after we had been married for a while, I left the Hostess man behind and found a real man - the man who drove the red truck who would keep me swimming in Diet Coke. I informed DH of the change, just so he would know.

Another phase that I eventually grew out of. What was I thinking! How childish to pick a man based on what he hauls around and lugs around, day after day. Seems so silly now.

last night, we watch the Eagles 1st reunion tour. Almost 4 hours of fabulous music that I knew most of the words to. Sometimes it just doesn't get any better. Sometimes during the concert, I realized that my dream man had changed yet again and this time, it was a grown up choice. My dream man now plays the guitar. Not just any guitar but old rock and roll. Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, the Edge or Keith Richards. Those bad boys are music to my ears and on the fast track to my heart. Finally, a Big Girl dream - wow.

The Discovery channel had a program a few weeks ago on how men and women are attracted to each other. Very interesting and it explains how DH found me out of all the others he could have chosen. Some of it had to do with smell which was never in any of the man of my dreams scenarios. I was never close enough to any of them to get a whiff. Maybe it would have worked, maybe not. What I do know it that the man I got became the man of my dreams and 38 years later, he still thanks his lucky starts everyday for me...now I hope Eric doesn't come around and smell good...

the everyday of everyday...

You know it on some level everyday,
whether you acknowledge it to yourself
or not.

Some days it is easier than others,
to remember how rich your life really is.
With the busyness of life,
comes the forgetfulness
of all things, that make is so.

I try to start each day,
with that in mind.
I have been blessed with a wonderful family,
a mostly sound mind,
and a few extras that bring
so much to the everydayness of life.

We have holidays for everything imaginable.
We should have one for gratitude.
A day to stop and realize,
who we are and how far we have come.
A day to acknowledge,
that despite what is going on all around us,
life is really very simple,
if we let it be.

There are those who are going through immeasurable loss,
experiences I could never imagine.
We each have good and bad days,
days when it doesn't seem worth the effort.
The deal is to accept the ebb and flow.
Rejoice every chance you can and pray when you can't.

That is the true meaning of everyday Life...

21...

An estimated 25,000 lives have been saved by the 21 Minimum Legal Drinking Age. (NHTSA, 2008)

Underage drinking, particularly in the university setting, is a serious problem that requires serious reflection. The problem should be examined without jeopardizing a law that has saved nearly 25,000 lives since going into effect.

* Alcohol is the number one youth drug problem in America.1
* More young people die from alcohol-related incidents than from all other illicit drugs combined.2
* An estimated 1,700 college students between the ages of 18 and 24 die each year from alcohol-related unintentional injuries, including motor vehicle crashes. Approximately 600,000 students are unintentionally injured while under the influence of alcohol.3
* More than 30 percent of college students abuse alcohol and six percent are dependent on alcohol – rates much higher than for young adults who are not in college.4
* The problem of binge drinking is worse among college-age students in college versus those who are not in college.5
* The earlier youth drink (average age of first drink is about 16), the more likely they will become dependent on alcohol and drive drunk later in life.6

1 SAMHSA, 2004
2 National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2000
3 Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Prevent and Reduce Underage Drinking, 2007
4 Knight et al, 2002
5 Slutske, et al, 2004; Johnson, et al, 1997
6 Grant & Dawson, 1997. Hingson et al, 2003. Hingson & Kenkel, 2004

60 minutes did a segment about kids and drinking last night that got me to thinking. This is a big deal, not just college age but with every age demographic, this is a Big Deal. Drinking knows no limit or boundary.

You are a grown up in every sense of a legal way at 18. You can vote, drive, get married, go to war but you can't drink until 21. Apparently there is lots of action on both sides. One HS teacher stated that 18 year olds are getting the 21 year olds to buy for them - if the law was changed, the 15 year olds would be asking the 18 year olds to buy for them with would start affecting high schools in a big way. I think that is a potential nightmare for schools and parents.Another suggested a drinking license, run the same way as a drivers license. Take a class, pass a test, get a license and if you screw up, they take it away. Interesting concept.

Here is my thought - Those in the know tell us that teen brains are not fully developed. I suggest we leave the drinking age at 21 and change all the others to 21 too. Maybe a teen shouldn't be making a decision about going to war. Give em a few more years to mature and then decide. Maybe we are rushing them into adulthood and there are not ready. Maybe we are getting it all wrong. Just maybe, we need to rethink a few things.

When I think back to 21, I had been married a year and was 6 months pregnant. I thought I knew it all and that is the scary part. Took me many more years to realize how wrong I was. Kids have more information available to them today than ever before and it has made barely a dent. If you have passed the 21 year mark, you know what I mean. If you haven't, I pray you make that far. Then, you have a fighting chance...

percentages...

You know those questionnaires that people are always exchanging to know each other better? Last week, I did 48 random things and one with three answers for each question. They are really not my thing but sometimes I do them, just because.

I so love numbers so if I were to write one, and I am not (I heard that collective sigh of relief!) but if I did - this is how it might go:

Percentages...

1. 100% of the time, if I live in the Moment - I am never disappointed.
2. 90% of the time, I am aware that God is near, no matter what my head says.
3. 80% of the time, I know that life isn't always fair.
4. 70% of the time, creativity is coming easier.
5. 60% of the time, I know what is for dinner tomorrow.
6. 50% of the time, I have music on when I scrap.
7. 40% of the time, the news is on in the background.
8. 30% of the time, I realize that more people than I think, are semi-ok.
9. 20% of the time, I know it's not just me.
10. 10% of the time, I am extremely fearful.

We are all a mix of emotions, history, genes and environment. A single event can be seen as a polar opposite by two people. I see more black and white than most. I am actually drawn to B&W - I think I am going to make a books of all my layouts converted to black and white. Actually, I am about 100% sure that is going to happen...

Rena and Yvonne...

Rena's Story - taken from Doug Murren.com

Rena and her husband had purchased a resort in the 60’s on the west side of the Puget Sound. It was a hard life. They both had to work night and day just to keep things afloat.

The kids had to pitch in, too. But the business bounced along for a while. They hit some hard spots and her husband went back to work in large construction projects.

He was gone all week working in steel framing. Then he would return home on the weekends to be with Rena and the kids. Once in awhile he began staying away on the weekends too. It was a lonely life for both.

Roland (her husband) evidently lost his way and struck up a romance with a much younger woman who lived about two hours from their home. Rena found out all this a few years later. At first he was just in an ill-advised romance. But then the young woman became pregnant. Roland couldn't’t bring himself to reveal his already existent marriage. So he married the new now pregnant woman in his life as well.

He told his new wife that he had to work away on weekends. He must have been very persuasive because both women believed him. So he spent weekdays with his family in Tacoma and weekends with Rena and the kids on the Puget Sound. This went on for a good period of time.

It must have all gotten to him. Roland took their “crabbing” boat into one of the crab beds on the Sound. He had evidently purchased a car for cash and parked in on the east side of the Sound. It appears he took a small dingy with him to row to shore. He faked his death. He knew that the authorities would know that if one drowned in a crab bed there wouldn’t even be any bones left. He left the boat anchored so it appeared he had gotten tangled in the crab pots and drowned.

He was reported dead after an investigation. The freak death was reported and posted in the papers. The second younger wife in Tacoma heard of the death after Roland didn’t return home for several days. She contacted Rena.Both women were in shock. The insurance money was eventually split between them. Rena went on with her life working at Boeing and for a period of time maintaining the resort. Soon she had to sell the properties. She just couldn’t handle it with the kids and work.

Rena never remarried. She always felt there was something not quite right about Roland’s disappearance. She had little contact with the other wife after a few months. But she was hurt. She told me she would have forgiven him and something could have been worked out. She raised the kids and was alone after fifteen years.

Then one day she received a call from Portland, Oregon. They said, “Mrs. Welch your husband has been brain injured on the work site.” She informed them they had the wrong Mrs. Welch. They asked, “Is his name Roland and is this your address?” It was the right name and the address was the old address of the resort.

She took a friend and traveled to Portland to see this Roland. The man they had been caring for had fallen off a roof and a steel rebar had gone through his head. He would be permanently disabled. When she stepped in the room Roland began to cry. She says she was flooded with ten different emotions. But she knew what she had to do. She knew what Jesus would do.

Rena took Roland home when he was able to travel. She nursed him and forgave him. I met Roland about three times. He had trouble talking. And he would weep heavily when ever we talked about Christ. He did receive Christ.

She had been caring for him for six years when I first heard the story. She said it was what people with right hearts do. She said, “you can’t save the world if you can’t save one person.” I haven’t heard from Rena in fifteen years. I am sure she has gone to be with her Savior by now. And Roland I know will be in heaven too. He will be a forgiven man who found dignity from the one he had hurt the most.

Rena notified the insurance company and set a plan to return all she had gotten. She said that was only right. Jesus wants what’s right from us even when it’s hard.

I got a message through my Facebook this week. It was a question from a young wife. Her husband had lost his job and was only able to find work for three days a week. He was so depressed he slept the other four days. She said, “I don’t know if I can live with a man who won’t support me. I am feeling that God wants me to divorce him.” I wish I could introduce her to Rena.

Yvonne's Story - AP and me.

SLC - It took a wedgie and a headlock to pin down a man suspected of breaking into a car. Yvonne M, a technician at the Brickyard Animal Hospital, says she chased a man who broke into a coworkers's car but he kept squirming away from her. Yvonne eventually grabbed the man's boxer shorts and pulled. The SLC police said she then put the man in a headlock until help could arrive. The man was booked into the SLC jail on suspicion of vehicle burglary, possession of stolen property and outstanding wedgies, I mean, warrants.

I don't know if I could do what Rena did. Actually pretty sure, I couldn't. I would hope I would do what Yvonne did on so many levels and I have practiced this scenario in my mind many times but not sure I wouldn't kill him before help got there ( must rework my mental practice, need to hold back a little). Rena and Yvonne's Stories are obviously not on a level playing field but they both display the best of a woman, IMHO. Today meet my new BFF, Revonne...

2009 so far...

Almost 50 days in to 2009. Doesn't seem like it has been that long. I remember thinking that life as we have known it, would be different. The economy is about where I thought it would be. Finding out that TARP 1 was mainly for CEO's to take out huge severance packages really came as a somewhat of a surprise. I assumed( my first mistake) that there was some kind of accountability built in but obviously, not. I sure didn't see Kansas and California deciding to suspend issuing tax refunds - didn't know they had the desecration to make that call. If you like to get a big refund every year, you may want to rethink that plan.

I also didn't see the price of gas going up again. Somewhat of a shock - was hoping to do some yard saling this summer, will have to wait and see.

Noticed that BlockBuster video is gone. That I did see coming - all we have left locally is Hollywood and at $4.50 a movie,I am guessing they are not far behind Blockbuster. Our choices are dwindling.

DH has had the last 3 Sundays off and that has been a great unexpected benefit - for however long it last. He has got to see his gks and have a life. We both love it.

There was snow on the ground this morning and I hope that is the end of it. I realize the calendar still says winter but sure am ready for Spring. A little sunshine is good for the soul.

2009 has been somber so far. Everyday there is another company going out of business or having massive layoffs. Vacant buildings and empty storefronts are everywhere you go.I got together with some digi girls today for coffee and we talked about paper scrapping and its future. It can easily cost $20 to do one page - can't imagine how many people can still afford to do it. Time to look at digi - as we say, Welcome to the Dark Side.

That is the long view - the short view is today is really what it is all about. Telling somebody you love them or taking pictures of kids who needed to get out and work off some energy. make a little dinner and listen to the hum of the dryer. It was a good day - 2009 so far, so good...

weddings...

Our Valentine's Day wedding was a great time. I was so excited when the groom's momma asked me to bring my camera. As it turned out there were many cameras and we were at times, tripping over each other but I learned something about myself. I never want to be the first shooter at a wedding again and here's why. That photographer has the daunting task of documenting the whole event. There are all the traditional shots that need to be taken and it is a big job. What I loved about this wedding is that I got to concentrate on relationships and emotions. There is Something about seeing someone with their arm around one they love that gives me that great photographer satisfaction. I couldn't get enough of Papa D or the Wells family. They have a great energy and reached so many kids thru KKSM with their message that God loves you. Hard to do but they have taken the skateboard world by storm by declaring their own Love of God.

To celebrate with them as their first-born took his bride is a milestone that friends share. To be able to bring a camera and shoot without reservation, is over the top. Thanks guys for sharing, I loved it...

strong women...

I can't tell you how much I love strong women. Not strong like beat you up strong although I do love that quality in a woman but maybe passionate would be a secondary definition. In all the women I call friends, there is a quality of strength. From the grown one I gave birth to - to the little one that calls me nana, there is just something about these women that makes me want to be a better woman where there is much room for improvement.

Since my early experiences with woman role models were few and terribly wrong. There have been real women placed in my life that have helped my immensely trying to figure this woman thing out. I couldn't have done it without them. I am indebted to these real women who have shared so much with me - I can never repay their love. There is also another group of women who have shown me that it's gonna be ok no matter what it feels like. Although they are pretend, they have been very real to me. What I wouldn't give to have been in group therapy with Murphy Brown or had big girl lunches with Joy (My Name Is Earl). I want to talk spiritual things with Grace (Saving Grace) and check in with Roseanna to see how her writing is coming along. I had to turn to television to define what I wanted womanhood to look like on me. They have made me laugh, cry and see that it doesn't matter what our culture is telling women to do, we have had it all along. The ability to be who we are and be good with it.

Having always been a Martha, I still see the value in being Mary but am able to admit, that would never have been me. I have trouble slowing down, always have. At our sleepover the other night, we took Gage coffee in the morning and we were just hanging out. Gage asks me, Did you have coffee, you sure talk fast!. He never noticed this before - this from the King of Talk???

Whether real or pretend, these women have been my friends. They have taught me the value of being a woman, in the best sense. Not the Gloria Steinem type which never agreed with me. There is strong and there is obnoxious and I will admit, sometimes that line is muddled. It takes work to figure it out.

The real women in my life are a great joy. They never cease to amaze me. They can bend and stretch, fall and get back up - all the while with a strength that defies normal understanding. Thank you ladies, I love you so...

the aftermath...

Ever have those times in your life when you have a more than a few days in a row of Go, Go, Go? I came home this afternoon and just crashed for a few hours. These days were filled with great fun things that came one after another after another. A little crash is called for - even very therapeutic.

I have wedding photos to edit and valentine pictures to scrap. I have clothes to dry and dishes to wash. I have thoughts to think and prayers to embrace. Yesterday at our sleepover, Gage was talking about saving some of his stuff for his grandkids. It made me think that it has been a while since I have prayed for them, and decided it could wait no longer, He also decided that he probably wouldn't save his Nintendo DS for them which had more to do with what was important to him now than to the family he imagines he will have someday. I completely agree with him - our prayers will do more good than an outdated electronic product, Down The Road.

There will always be times of big bursts of activity in our lives where we are leaping from one thing to another with little time in between to breathe but you can be assured that Something will come our way to slow us down and give us time to regroup and go again. Did I real get that all in one sentence?...

Happy Valentine's Day...

Look around, there must be something in your life to love. We always associate this Hallmark-induced holiday with couple love, but I am not sure I agree. I am thinking of several who are along this Valentine's Day that didn't expect to be. Don't let all the red bring you down. I know you can't go in any store without being bombarded with reminders that scream, I am alone.

I am more than aware of the love that surrounds me. I never take it for granted. We had a sleepover with Miss M and a little photo shoot before we headed out to one of two school Valentine parties for her brothers. Public school Valentine parties have changed. Not unlike those Hidden Vally commercials where the kids have broccoli-eating contest, there is an overflow of grapes, cheese, crackers and carrots. However, it is the cookies complete with much frosting and an overabundance of M&M's, it where the action is. Even teh Valentine's boxes are big and fancy. No longer are paper Valentine's the thing - you have to have candy with them or as the case in Keaotn's 4th grade party, a pen from a local realtor...Really.

I have the great honor of attending a wedding this Valentine's Day and better yet, get to take some photos, I am a lucky girl. I wish you a wonderful day and I hope whatever it is that you get great joy in being able to love. It is a great thing!

interpretation...

Interpretation is everything..

Why parents should always check their children's homework before they hand it in:
A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.. This photo is of me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Harrington

A perfect example of what we all do hundreds of times a day. Sometimes we have to make decisions, sometimes we choose to. At the end of the day, how we interpret words, motives or each other is subjective at best. Then we base our actions, thoughts and relationships on those interpretations. There is no quick fix, or cookie cutter recipe to figuring these things out. The other issue is that you can give the same details to two people and have completely different opinions - that is a whole other can of worms.

in-ter-pre-ta-tion (in-tur-pri ta/shan)
1. the meaning assigned to to another's work, action or behavior.

I will admit there are days that my interpreter skills are totally off, There are days, I am spot on. The point to me is big deal, so what if you are right but it is a big deal if I am wrong and act on it.

Thanks Michele for the life lesson disguised as great humor. I had been contemplating some interpretive Moments that have been floating around in my head and realized I have been both where Ms Davis and Mrs Harrington find themselves and need to remember that, it ain't easy...

Grammy 2009

No matter what age you are, if you are a music fan, there can be no greater ride than the surprise duo at the Grammy's. You have to live with the 24 awards being awarded to get to the good stuff but it is worth it all. Where else could you see Justin Timberlake and Al Green doing Let's Stay Together? Adele and Sugarland's, Chasing Pavement, blew me away. The Jonas Brothers and Sir Stevie Wonder doing Superstitious. T.I. and Timerlake doing Dead and Gone - the combo of ballad and hip hop was phenomenal. Radiohead and the USC Trojan Band brought the house down and Paul McCartney singing, I Saw Her Standing There brought me to tears. The unlikely duo of Robert Plant and Alison Krauss did a beautiful What I'd Give, and walked away with a few statues.

Any night where you can see U2 and Coldplay in just a few hours time is a good one. When Jamie Foxx, Smokey Robinson and Ne-yo came out swinging like the Four Tops, I was almost to swoon. So much music and history and when you bring the old and new school together, not only is Class in session but you can't wait to get to school! Reminds me, must get some new study material at the ITunes library before they close. Wait... they never close, ah, life is good

winter photography...

After all the late fall shots, our part of the country turns inward. Or at least those of us who hate winter, plain give up. With all the indoor Christmas pictures in December, the picture season was stretched out a bit but taking pictures inside is like playing football in a 10 x 12 living room. There are days that even the snow starts to look good and as you start to put on those snow boots, those happy feeling go away quickly.

The need to be creative doesn't go away so you look for new ways to fill that need. This photo was taken at a birthday party on Friday - inside a multi - window garage type setting. While a car will never be inside the Red House, the floor is that wonderful flecks of color type that worked perfect with this dress. Didn't even need a face even though I would know, with those shoes - it is Miss M.

Even though the groundhog estimates 6 more weeks of winter, I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I was asked to take some wedding photos on Valentine's Day and I am thrilled. It is going to be a fun wedding, think the colors are purple and black. Wow, I am ready to go. Maybe winter is not so bad after all. Now, if only the leaves will start coming out and we can hit the trail, I will be a most happy girl...

cake and candy...

It is a genetic fact that there are chemicals in our brains that if not in proper quantities, will never tell you that you are full. While so much of our money and time goes to drug and pregnancy issues, weight affects more people the the other two combined.

I have lost lots of weight, lots of times in many different ways. 95% of us are not successful in keeping weight off. Thirty some years ago, I lost 100 pounds with Weight Watchers and kept if off for over 5 years. A 10 day trip to SLC to help my sister go thru a difficult brain surgery was all it took. I can still taste those chocolate donuts in the hospital's cafeteria that I couldn't live without by Day 2. I certainly believe in emotional eating and obviously, that was the trigger THAT time. There are so many chapters in a eaters life, that they take turns, showing up. That last time I lost a large amount of weight was 7 years ago with the throat thing. DD thought I looked sick but I still weighed over 135 - nothing skinny about that.

So you factor in the chemicals, the emotions, the addictions and and overwhelming love of all things, cake. Cake is the perfect food. It fills every need, every last one. To this day, I dream about cake.

Today, I heard a doctor say, If someone can keep the weight off for 5 years, check in at 10 years, If he can keep if off for 10 years, check back at 15 years. Sometime in his life before he dies, he will gain the weight back.

That is not good news. The other staggering news is the prediction has been made that today's generation will not outlive their parents. With a MacDonald's on most corners and a less-active lifestyle, this is not hard to believe. I have no solution. It comes down to choices but it is a staggering task. Kids and candy go together like nana and cake. I am still waiting for medical science to figure it out. 15 years ago, I met with a doctor from Colorado who was actively working on a fat pill. He was there to help us break down the sugars in many different products we wanted to explore using in our ethanol process but he knew that the same ideology was the link to both.

It looks like the medical profession decided there was more interest in erectile dysfunction. They sure jumped on that bandwagon fast - I don't remember a parade or telethon or PSA that warned us of this dangerous situation yet, here we are with a cure!

I will go to my grave craving cake and Diet Coke. I am under no illusion that one day it will be different but for my grandkids, I hope there is progress made. Now the talk is about going green, organic food and our love for all things exercise. Had a conversation with an old friend the other night who has been in Sales and Marketing in the food industry for over 39 years. He said the quickest way for an item on a restaurant menu to die is to put "organic" by it. What we say and what we want are two different things...

All that doom and gloom - there are things you can do and that is accept what is. You will always love food that isn't good for you, always. There is no cure. It is a daily battle. The good news, if you accept these facts and learn to make peace with living a more balanced life, you can live with it. You can have your cake and eat it too...not just all at once.

all in the Family...

I had my fill of news by 7Am so I started channel surfing and landed on Archie Bunker's old TV comedy, All In The Family. Those most certainly were the days. As I watched and started smiling at all the un PC, I couldn't help but wonder what Archie Bunker would think of President Obama.

We must have watched this show quite a bit when DD was young. She was just starting to talk and we couldn't understand this sentence that she would say over and over and over. Finally one night, DH says, she is saying Archie Bunker goes phssssss. Another of life's great mystery's solved. I know Archie is gone but his SIL, Meathead is still around and like it or not, Mike had the ability to have alot of Archie rub off on him. I would love to see him in Archie's old chair talking about President Obama and how the world has changed.

Ever wish someone from one generation who has passed could see what you are seeing? I have thought about my father - he would be proud to see the good part of his heritage, carry on. He would love it when Gage growls or Morgan is a princess or to see Keaton's loving heart. Being a lifelong God disbeliever, the same day that he died - we had to move him out of his apartment. It was mostly a clean up process that DH and my dear friend helped me with. What little we did keep went into his car. When we started up the car, the radio came on and it was on the only local Christian radio station we had then. We all looked at each other in utter disbelief, not quite registering what we were hearing. No one had access to the car, it could only have been him.

I filed this in my mental Miracle file but never had expectations of anything more. Still don't but is sure makes you think, you absolutely do not know it all. It doesn't change everything else I know to be true but it does shake you up a little. Keaton and Gage have asked me about him and I have been very vague about him and the rest of my family history but I can't help but think, had he known these little bundles of love, he would have seen the Love in its total fullness. Now Archie Bunker, that is a horse of a different color - might have taken a extreme bolt of lighting...

on a scale from 1-10...

We all use this universal scale most days. The doctor asks us to rate our pain, we ask the kids how bad their tummy ache is so we can decide if they need to stay home from school. Maybe we don't always use those exact words.Sometimes it is the More Likely scale but the theory is the same. Every time we sign up for unemployment benefits, you have to take the How Are We Doing quiz and rate them on 20 some items, from 1-10. The way I answer is always the same.

On a scale from 1-10, rate these people as TV interviewers.

10...David Letterman
1....Oprah
10...Jay Leno
1....Larry King
10...Chris Hansen
10...Brian Williams
1....Katie Couric
10...David Letterman
10...David Letterman
10...David Letterman

Do you see a pattern? If you saw Letterman last night with former Gov. Rod Blagojevich, you would understand. I have long suspected that Dave is brilliant and that is my point. While I appreciate 2 thru 9, for me it's either all or nothing. If you are looking for a 5 from me, time to move on - nothing to see here. The older I get the less time I have to not be either all in or leave it for someone else. I am not saying this is right, it just is. Everyday we all get a chance to get on the scale and give it our best - take the opportunity to be fully in, you won't regret it...

I WANT IT ALL...

Ted Haggard, Micheal Phelps and Ted Daschle... and many, many more.

We need 2 different words for apologize. One is just not cutting it. We need one word for when someone apologizes before being caught and a different one for when one is caught, an after the fact - I'm sorry. They really are too completely different emotions. While I believe that both are sincere, the motivations behind each are completely different and I know this because I am the same exact way.

While apologizing after the fact may not seem so, I think is is very sincere. Me/you/them are sincerely, completely, desperately sorry - for being caught. Let's keep the old apologize word for those whose consciences got the best of them. They choose a bad path, made a wrong choice and want to correct it quickly. When used in that context, I sincerely apologize, from the bottom of my heart - will mean Something and we will take them at their word and move on.

So, what word should we use when we have had time to think about what we did and have chosen to take our chances as to being caught? We have decided purposefully that we do want it all and are willing to risk everything to have it. Boy, that is going to be a doozy - good luck and I will be watching for the home version of that game. It is so bottom-feederish of those who take the risks to have it all, to apologize to the rest of us for simply being caught. Make no mistake, I believe each of us has or will be in this boat at some time in our lives. I have done some things I am not proud of. Here's a little confession:

I stole a pair of earring in junior high.
I had a tow truck haul away a teacher's car in high school. (he had it coming)
I have falsified my weight on my driver license.

Never caught at any or these except for a few glances at the DMV but no direct accusations. We all want it all. Anybody who says different is lying. While this may always be human nature, I still think a new word is in order, maybe it would even help all of us believe more in each other and that can only be a good thing...

Love is...what does mine look like?

We hear it at most weddings, many sermons and lots of Places in between. Most of us can recite most or all of it from heart. My thinking is we are all better at talking than doing.

Or maybe it is just me. The hammer/nail thing. When we tell someone we love them, we meant it. Not in the Corinthians Way, more like our own way and that way is whatever we might be feeling at the time. It is easy to love when everything is going well and we are the the huggy Moment but for the rest of the 24 hours and 59 minutes of the day, trying to keep up with the Corinthians type of love, seems at best - too much.

We have a lot on our minds these days. Life is tough and there is so much hanging over our heads. It occurred to me that my favorite ice cream store, Coldstone may not be around long and if I want Cake Batter ice cream, I better get it soon. At almost $5 for a 2 scoop bowl, I imagine their future similar to Starbucks and that ain't good. If I am honest, I probably have feelings about ice cream closer to the C passage than I have people. Sad at very best.

Whether I am upset with DH which hardly ever happens,or the two people who pulled out in front of me this weekend in a 2 block time frame - my love, at many times is neither patient, or kind - not to mention less than jealous, arrogant or boastful. If Love never fails, it does with me but it is not Loves' fault, it is mine.

I am acutely aware of my state of Love today and I am not proud. I have much room for improvement and even more room to make it better. Not for others but for me. The instructions are clear and easy to follow. There is no way anyone could misinterpret or not understand what to do. The issue is doing it and maybe we start with asking for more desire instead of what we have been doing that isn't working out too well. All I know is that today, I am aware, willing and praying for more desire. It is a start and for me, a big one...

superbowl Sunday...

Realizing that at times, I live on a complete different planet as most - superbowl Sunday only holds one interest for me - the commercials. I love commercials, almost in an unnatural way. My favorite right now is the Nextel commmercial, What if Delivery people ran the world. Commercials make me smile all over. Ignoring the ones that never should have been brought out in public, The rest are just eyecandy for the soul.

So, once a year - I look forward to a whole new rash of ones with some sports thrown in between. For most people, superbowl is about food and football. They start their parties early. This neighborhood party started 6 hours before the game. What do you do for all that time? No commercials to watch and you can only eat so much food - maybe that is when they paint their faces and chest with paint. Don't know and don't want to. I am just in it for the TV.

Knowing that the economy will make a difference when a 30 sec commercial has cost over 2 million in the past, I hope they don't skip on quality. Hopefully, this has forced them to become more creative which will be a win-win for both of us. It is times like this that I wish I had a reverse DVR that would record only the commercials. Must look into it but as for today, I will have to run in when the sponsors break away and then listen for the next station break. Let's hope it iw worth all that trouble...

PS. Favorite of the night - Heroes cast singing Joe Cocker's, Feeling Alright.