I needed to do this for the blog that I maintain for Gage's preschool. Parents reported that they couldn't comment so put up a little tutorial - thought I would bring it here.
Under the Choose an Identity column (on the right side of the page, under the actual comment section) and you have given four options. If you have a Google/Blogger account, you can log in under that account name. Same idea for Open ID concerning other blog accounts,(Typepad, etc. for those of you who do not have any blog accounts you will need to choose the Name/URL option. Just type in your name - don't worry about the URL, type your comment and hit the Publish Your Comment button. If you want to remain anonymous, use that option but fair warning - that is the one scary and mean people use. This will work on all Blogger blogs that allow public comments. Hope that helps you and now hopefully, our parents will leave more comments about our school...
Choose an identity
Google/Blogger
OpenID
Name/URL Name
Anonymous
writing...
While many may disagree, there is a writer in each of us. Just as we all breathe and put our pants on one leg at a time, writing is Something we all have in common because we all have Stories to tell.
Ok, so we may not all be Hemingways or Grishams but no one can tell our Stories like we can because we are the ones who have lived through them. Many chose to have ghost writers tell their Story but with a little effort, we can do it ourselves and personally, I would always rather hear a Story firsthand.
Ali Edwards is having a great blog series this week on words and photos.
Overall, what do I want to say?
I want my stories to be real. Real to me means that I leave a part of myself within each story. I want to leave evidence of my existence in the words I chose.
I want some stories to be long and complete. I want other stories to be quick - maybe just a few words to complement a photo that really needs few words to communicate a message.
I want to tell stories that celebrate our everyday life as well as stories that deal with our challenges.
I want to grow as a writer. I know that writing helps me know myself better.
I don't want to be bound by fears of misspellings, grammatical errors, etc. I just want to tell my stories.
I want my stories to show that I was paying attention to my life.
Writing helps us to know ourselves better. I know firsthand how true that is. You don't have to have a public blog to write, there are many different avenues to explore. I was never good at a writing in a journal, hard as I tried. Even the very act of typing out the words relaxes me most days. The information and joy that you will share with your family because you share your words will be invaluale. Not only to read what your perceptions, dreams, expectations are but maybe to see themselves because of you.
It doesn't have to be Something you have to do everyday although it will take some effort of your part. I carry a little notebook but as often as not, I call home and leave myself messages of thoughts I want to remember later. After I leave a message, I also leave myself a little Love. A word of encouragement from a familiar voice - somedays, that is all a girl needs...
connecting...
To connect with another person is a journey that we each take everyday. Part of that journey is easy, like when you meet someone and have instant simpatico. Sometimes we are thrown into situations where we meet people we most certainly would never have crossed paths with..and sometimes, it takes effort to connect. It takes action on our part, maybe more than we are willing to take on.
I try to be very concious when I am out and about about connecting with people. I think it is my Big Picture duty. I am not always successful. My mind is racing a hundred miles a minute in our MustHaveDoNow culture and sometimes, I plain forget.
It is probably the most important thing we do everyday yet it gets the least attention. Since being bit by the photography bug, I see how important it really is. To take time to share a moment, whether friend or stranger, means to stop being in our little worlds and being in theirs for a while. If we really work at it, then we are together in our world. For me, this is huge and gives me an avenue to stretch myself. To grow and be beyond myself. To be available to someone else, even for a short time, is the greatest gift we can give and we can give it over and over and over, again...
adrenaline ...
Most of us have experienced the rush of adrenaline. Those times we have crazy strength or feel a natural high that you can't come down from. For a few seconds, we are super-human. Nothing can touch us. We are Sparticus...
My sister's body doesn't make adrenaline. After her pitituary tumor surgeries and radiation therapy, that is one of the life long side effects she carries with her every day. She has to take medication because we humans need adrenaline. It also protects us from harm by alerting us to danger. Those times when you are called on to do things you could never imagine doing, that is adrenaline.
Now that I can recognize when it is happening, it unmistakeably like riding a big wave. I ride it all the way in - looking around at everything. I can't imagine how that feels to my sister to never experience that feeling. We are all given challenges, I guess if you learn to make do - life is a whole lot easier. Adrenaline junkie, I think not. Now that would be a wave, I could do without...
rule of thirds...
It all makes sense now.
Seems like not so much of a mystery now.
But when Part 3 comes first, it kind of throws you.
I was driving to baseball Saturday morning and the Holy Spirit gave it to me hard and fast. The difficult part was that it was so specific and the fast part, well when you are driving - the less distraction, the better. I didn't really argue the point as much as, Do I have to do this now?. Just as it came - now was the answer. I did what I was told to do and continued on to Keaton's game.
After the team warmed up, the coach called them all in, told them to take a knee and proceeded to give them instruction.
No questions, only instructions - is what he told the sea of red shirt boys. No questions only instruction...HMMM, isn't that just where I had come from? That was Part 2 of this 3 piece puzzle as I would soon find out.
This morning, I went with DD and family to their new church. I see why they like it there. Besides the shorter drive, their 65ish year old pastor is who their old pastor will be in 20 years. A portly grey haired gentleman that you would not give a second glance to in his jeans and orange plaid shirt. As he started to preach from Exodus 17, his words, I soon realized was Part 1 of the puzzle I had been given. He talked about the God, Power and Prayer of Agreement. He talked of being very specific when you are given someone/something to pray for. To pray the same prayer, over and over and to find someone to share this purpose with. The purpose of Matt 18:9 Whatsoever two or three of you agreement upon on earth will be done in heaven.
The pieces instantly fell together. Part 3 HAD to come first. Later, the other 2 parts would validate the puzzle. Never underestimate God's ability to be more specific than you could ever imagine. Even though Part 3 didn't make sense, I knew there was Something going on, my part was to do what I had been told and I was good with never knowing why. To get in on knowing why is like icing on the cake. He makes it look so easy. I am so thankful for this experience. I have learning that precision is doable and maybe the best lesson we could ever learn...
the unexpected...
As mommy was leaving for her class, Miss M and I had finalized our plans for a manicure. It would be her treat to me. Mommy said use a paper plate but, Don't worry - all the colors go on clear...Apparently they did not try the red one.
When mommy got home, I showed her Miss M fine work so I am guessing that the red pplish will disappear soon. On the other hand - excuse the pun, I will be wearing mine proudly. I was offered nail polish remover but I declined. I think there is a good lesson that I don't want to forget.
Not completely unlike the Plan B theory, the unexpected is not something you can plan for in any way but a global way. You can be utterly convinced of Something and be proven wrong, in a heartbeat. However well-intentioned we may be about any given situation, we need to always make room for the unexpected. There are no sure things. Answers, recipes, choices - always need a little wiggle room...Always.
And just maybe, the unexpected isn't always bad. My mails may not be the most beautiful to some but they were painted on with much love by my 3 yearold granddaughter. My flesh and blood. After our beauty treatment, we were playing with her American Girl dolls when her pretend phone rang and she talked to her pretend mommy.
Hi, just hanging out with Nana...
All that and a manicure. Hanging with my girl. I would say I am a pretty lucky nana...heavy on the pretty, at least that is how I feel...
the Andy Warhol in each of us...
Henri Nouwen wrote in “The Way of the Heart”…
“In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephones calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me - naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken-nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me want to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.”
I never understood Andy Warhol's art nor appreciated it when I was younger. Not sure I do much more now but it is instantly recognizable to me. His familiar 9 block style with the wild colors and sketchy outlines, tells you it is classic Warhol. There is a fun little site, BigHugeLabs that will turn any photo in to your own Warhol experience. It is fun - nothing I would want a steady diet of. Loud, in your face and too much repetition for my taste but within each of us, there is a Warhol in each of us.
Something that keeps us loud and distracted. Something, like Henry Nouwin says, keep us from getting rid of our scaffolding. Good way to put it. Like putting your hands over your ears while yelling, LA LA LA, very loudly to not hear what is going on around you. The distraction becomes the familiar and the comfortable. The silence, in turn, becomes the enemy.
DH had to go back to work last night and I couldn't sleep so I waited up until he got home at 230AM. When the alarm clock goes off at 6, no one is ready to commit. There are no thoughts of prayer time - sleeping time is all that goes through your head and to get back to that sleeping time, I have to have noise. The TV has to be on for me to get to sleep. Isn't that strange?
Yesterday was a Warhol Day. Wnet to lunch at the Brick with DD, just us, then off to Costco. A time we are Big People and talk about our little people. As I catch up with her, there will be colorful Stories about my babies that will make me giggle. Something Miss M said, something Gage did or a question that Keaton asked. We will live vicariously thru them for a few moments as we each try to remember our childhood as we live through theirs.
And Sometime later that day, I shut down for a few and let myself be. Be quiet and be in the moment. Like all things we choose to do, it takes practice. Over and over because we all are thick-skulled, until it is as natural as breathing. The over and over might look different each time but it's great practice. It was a perfect day...
Rocked to my core...
The Smiths - Todd, Angie, Ellie, Abby and Audrey.
Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.
I know it’s long, but take the time to watch it. Here is your warning. This video will cause you to live differently. You WILL hug your kids differently. You WILL love your spouse differently. You WILL trust God differently...www.withoutwax.tv.
Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.
I know it’s long, but take the time to watch it. Here is your warning. This video will cause you to live differently. You WILL hug your kids differently. You WILL love your spouse differently. You WILL trust God differently...www.withoutwax.tv.
evil...
There are some things that humans do to each other that are beyond comprehension. There is no way to get your head around them. No amount of understanding or explanation will help either.
In those cell-like rooms behind that door, investigators say retired electrician Josef Fritzl imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered seven children with her.
Three of the children "never saw sunlight" for years until they were freed this past weekend, they say.
Authorities said Fritzl, 73, confessed Monday to crimes that have chilled Austria and raised uncomfortable questions about how he could have deceived his neighbors and police, as well as social workers who had made repeated visits to the gray stone apartment building he owned.
One of the children died in infancy and was tossed into the furnace of the building where Fritzl lived with his family and rented the other units to relatives.
It is at times like these that what you believe it tested like never before. It is when you either believe that God is who He says He is or the whole thing is a hoax. It is a time when your faith is either your friend or foe.
Fritzl "managed to deceive everyone," including his wife, Rosemarie, who apparently was unaware of the existence of the children in the cellar, Polzer said.
The questions go over and over in your head. How could he keep her and the kids locked up for 24 years? How could his wife not know? How evil can we really be?
These times don't shake my faith as much as explain now much evil we humans are capable of carrying out. It makes it harder for me to love all God's people which is is hard enough already.
Our faith is not Real unless we accept the highs and lows of what is all around us. It is easy up on the mountain top, many times you feel like you could take on the whole world but then there are the valleys where we would all rather not go. A reflective day for sure, I am ready to move on...
In those cell-like rooms behind that door, investigators say retired electrician Josef Fritzl imprisoned his daughter for 24 years and fathered seven children with her.
Three of the children "never saw sunlight" for years until they were freed this past weekend, they say.
Authorities said Fritzl, 73, confessed Monday to crimes that have chilled Austria and raised uncomfortable questions about how he could have deceived his neighbors and police, as well as social workers who had made repeated visits to the gray stone apartment building he owned.
One of the children died in infancy and was tossed into the furnace of the building where Fritzl lived with his family and rented the other units to relatives.
It is at times like these that what you believe it tested like never before. It is when you either believe that God is who He says He is or the whole thing is a hoax. It is a time when your faith is either your friend or foe.
Fritzl "managed to deceive everyone," including his wife, Rosemarie, who apparently was unaware of the existence of the children in the cellar, Polzer said.
The questions go over and over in your head. How could he keep her and the kids locked up for 24 years? How could his wife not know? How evil can we really be?
These times don't shake my faith as much as explain now much evil we humans are capable of carrying out. It makes it harder for me to love all God's people which is is hard enough already.
Our faith is not Real unless we accept the highs and lows of what is all around us. It is easy up on the mountain top, many times you feel like you could take on the whole world but then there are the valleys where we would all rather not go. A reflective day for sure, I am ready to move on...
rebate checks...
Friday morning George Dubya announced that the first set of rebate checks would be in the bank on Monday. The first monies will go to those who filed electronically. According to the web site I can expect my check next Monday and when it hits the bank, it won't be there long. It is going toward the PayOffTheVan fund as are all extra monies at our house these days. I have a plan - Pay off the van, replace appliances and save, save, save until DH retires. Unlike the government, I understand that plans were made to be broken but you have to start somewhere.
This whole rebate thing doesn't make alot of sense. The government does not have the money to give us - they had to borrow it from China. Just like they did when Katrina hit. They have no emergency fund for those unexpected things that always happen. So they borrow from China and tell us to go spend it to stimulate the economy. Going on my premise that 20% of the people will do anything, there will be people that will not pay down credit cards or save it for a rainy day. They are going to hit Walmart, fast and hard. Guess what? China gets the money, a second time. Forget about stocks, I want to get in on that action!
It seems like bad financial advice to tell a country who already in trillions of dollars of debt to go buy more stuff instead of saving for a rainy day or paying for the stuff you already bought. 40% of Americans say they are going to pay off bills with the money. Sounds like the government should have made this into a voucher deal. Show us your receipts for a whole bunch of stuff - then we will give you the money... but who is going to trust that theory. Kind of like buying blind and the government's track record is a little off.
The most amazing thing is how fast they are getting the checks out. The April 15 tax deadline was less than 2 weeks ago. HELLO, who is really behind this? I would obviously think China althought they are having their own issues with the torch and up coming Olympics. Whoever it is, I want them to be president. Maybe then we could really get something done. Enjoy the Rebate, it is costing us Big Bucks...
game on...
There are days...you are on third base and ready to run home. You are aware of what is going on around you - all you are waiting for is some to yell, Run Home..
While I am not much of a baseball player, I am all for running Home.
Home can be many different things. The metaphors are endless. Sometomes it is the physical place where we will safe and can be ourselves - in our underwear, if we are so inclined. For me, the idea of home also represents being in the presence of the Holy Spirit and letting my mind wander. I need lots of wandering time. I don't worry so much about my form or doing it right, just practicing the Presence. No agenda, no expectations and no answers.
There are times, I can't wait to get home . It is a time that gives me the peace I crave and quenches my spiritual thirst. By being ready, I triple my chances of it really happening. It is a gift from God and I cherish it with everything I have. Game on, you bet. Bring it on...
Dr Bob...
Early 80's, my life had finally caught up to me and the coping skills I had used since childhood were no longer working. It was suggested that I get some help and that is how I met Dr Bob. Since he was a PHD mental doc,he could prescribe medicine as well as counseling and not knowing where all this would lead, he seemed the best fit and he was.
Dr Bob and I met for over a year. I came out seeing my life up until then for what it had been and that there was a better way to live. My bio family ordeals were far from over but gave me a new start, to change what had always seemed so normal.
At our last session, Dr Bob gave me his opinion of me. First, he told me to enroll in school and hang out my shingle. While it appeared to me that I was a mess, his attitude was much different. He thought I was a pretty smart cookie and sold myself too short. I did not go on to school and eventually hang out my shingle. College seemed a waste of time to me and since I had already done so well in Real Life, I decided to go with it. I hadn't thought about Dr Bob for a long time - until yesterday. Thank you, Dr Bob - I think I would have made you proud.
I have never met Joseph Duncan but his Story has plagued me since he decided to kill a mother, son and friend then kidnap two younger kids, molest both of them, kill the boy and hide out with the girl until he was caught at a Denny's restaurant. You have probably read about Shasta and her dad in the news. Her dad has throat cancer but the people of Northern Idaho and others, have built them a home so Shasta could have a safe place to live. I was looking forward to watching Duncan's trial last January but suddenly, he pleaded guilty. Great for Shasta, now she would not have to testify.
The sentencing phase has started in Boise this month. Jurors were being picked and suddenly, Duncan decided he wants to represent himself. Some think he is doing it so he can force Shasta to testify, First things first, he has to be deemed competent to represent himself. Enter Dr Bob.
Judge Lodge made a fine choice and I will not question whatever Dr Bob decides for Duncan. Some would say a normal person couldn't be sane and commit that kind of crime, I am not ready to commit to that theory. I would love to be a fly on the wall of that session. Duncan will get what is coming to him Someday. For now, it is just about our human way of dealing with people who do things we can't wrap our head around. As for Duncan, I hope he is paying attention during his time with Dr Bob - he might even learn something...
Dr Bob and I met for over a year. I came out seeing my life up until then for what it had been and that there was a better way to live. My bio family ordeals were far from over but gave me a new start, to change what had always seemed so normal.
At our last session, Dr Bob gave me his opinion of me. First, he told me to enroll in school and hang out my shingle. While it appeared to me that I was a mess, his attitude was much different. He thought I was a pretty smart cookie and sold myself too short. I did not go on to school and eventually hang out my shingle. College seemed a waste of time to me and since I had already done so well in Real Life, I decided to go with it. I hadn't thought about Dr Bob for a long time - until yesterday. Thank you, Dr Bob - I think I would have made you proud.
I have never met Joseph Duncan but his Story has plagued me since he decided to kill a mother, son and friend then kidnap two younger kids, molest both of them, kill the boy and hide out with the girl until he was caught at a Denny's restaurant. You have probably read about Shasta and her dad in the news. Her dad has throat cancer but the people of Northern Idaho and others, have built them a home so Shasta could have a safe place to live. I was looking forward to watching Duncan's trial last January but suddenly, he pleaded guilty. Great for Shasta, now she would not have to testify.
The sentencing phase has started in Boise this month. Jurors were being picked and suddenly, Duncan decided he wants to represent himself. Some think he is doing it so he can force Shasta to testify, First things first, he has to be deemed competent to represent himself. Enter Dr Bob.
Judge Lodge made a fine choice and I will not question whatever Dr Bob decides for Duncan. Some would say a normal person couldn't be sane and commit that kind of crime, I am not ready to commit to that theory. I would love to be a fly on the wall of that session. Duncan will get what is coming to him Someday. For now, it is just about our human way of dealing with people who do things we can't wrap our head around. As for Duncan, I hope he is paying attention during his time with Dr Bob - he might even learn something...
bad...
A unidentified Forbes business man referred to our present economy as a parade of potential horribles. Disturbing yet a delightful group of words.
In my little area in the last month, a coffee shop and a local video store went out of business - with very little warning. Today I passed several gas stations with a new $3.50 a gallon theme. Mortgage repossessions in my local area are up 191% over this time last year.
It just isn't looking good. Truck drivers are striking because of rising gas prices. Animals are being left at pet shelters in record numbers because people can't afford to feed them anymore. Maybe the worst part is having our government using the R word now, no longer trying to deny it
A Parade of Potential Horribles...it has a ring to it and yet, there is hope. At baseball tonight, as our guys were up to bat - their worthy opponents pulled of a triple-play. From what my SIL said, You will never see that again.Made it sound like somewhat of a miracle and if that can happen in baseball - it can happen anywhere. We just have to keep our eyes on the parade and see the potential of the Big Picture...
facing your fears...
If only it were this easy...
Danger safely behind a protective barrier, keeping you virtually - out of harms way, then allowing you to stare down that danger, straight in the face. However that is not the case in Real Life - it can come from any angle, any direction and, at any time. Even with our secret decoder rings and spy gear, we quickly find out how clueless we really are.
These are tough times for parents. Stranger danger and regular danger are everywhere. Every time we step out our front doors, we are on alert. I spend lots of time trying to anticipate how I will behave in certain situations but until it happens, it may be all for naught. One of the certainties for me though, is language. Whether in a dream or daydreaming - when put to the test, IF extra adrenaline is needed - the language gets really bad, really quick. So here is fair warning - if you see me in a heated situation and I have some man who tried to take my babies, in a headlock - guaranteed the f bomb will be going off. As my DH always says, They picked the wrong gal to mess with. It's almost like he feels sorry for them.
The real issue is to separate what appears to be dangerous from what actually is dangerous. We get the two mixed up more often than we think. For many different reasons, we need to face the real ones - head on and act accordingly. When it is Time, really Time to face those fears, we need to know that we don't go alone. With no protective barrier to shield us, we take His hand and keep walking. How will I respond next time? Ask me when it happens. Hope I remember these words...
digging up the past...
There are times in each of our lives when we need to look back at our past. We need to dig it up and look for Something. Something that has popped up in the now but is tied to the what was. These times are usually not done on a voluntary basis and depending on your own personal history, may be tough to swallow.
Nothing big going on but when I snapped this picture of Gage digging up dinosaur bones at the zoo on Friday, it reminded me of those times. The ones I have experienced and the ones that are yet to come. As he dug the sand around the bones, more and more of the bones became visible until you could see the whole thing. Not much different than Real Life.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I have given up wishing that foresight was my default. I don't think I would learn what I need to learn if I could see everything up front. It wouldn't mean as much. Somethings I have learned to do up front and I am always grateful but I am always aware that somethings can only be learned by doing some digging.
Although I have never been to an AA meeting, I have accepted their creed as my own. To change the things I can, accept the things I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference. Pretty much a great definition of faith and a great tool to keep around when you are digging up the past...
coaching...
Second week of baseball and the second practice of the week. The boys spent almost 2 hours running different drills, getting ready for the next game on Saturday.
I am very impressed with his coaches this year. They teach a skill, then practice with each boy, then as a team. Each kid is getting a good share of coaching time with generous helpings of praise when they see an effort made. Not performance based but effort based.
I think we should all have a coach for every season of our lives. Someone who knows more than we do and can teach us skills we do not possess. In Real Life, this doesn't necessarily mean someone older - sometimes for many different reasons, we have missed steps and just need help. At the last practice, not only did I not have a firm grasp of the game but I was using DH left hand mitt to play catch with Keaton. After having my hand almost broke several times, he told me how to catch the ball. Not in the palm of my hand but higher up. That little piece of advice would sure have been handy at the beginning of the practice.
When you find yourself in a position of being coached in an area of life where you could use some more skills, put forth some effort and learn all you can. Whether a short or long lesson, pay attention and be the student. When it is your turn to be a coach, make sure the person you are coaching - is getting it. If they aren't - it isn't their fault, it is yours. It is the coach's responsibility to make sure the student gets it - not the other way around.
Sometimes it is hard to coach and sometimes it is hard to be coached. Don't take either lightly and fight the urge to run away. There is alot we all can still learn. Don't let what you know get in the way of what you could learn...
anger...
Imagine that your dad is dying,
so close that Hospice has been called in.
Suppose at the beginning of all this,
you had made a deal with God...
Give him 2 years and I will give myself to you, forever.
And God doesn't make that deal with you,
and you are so angry with Him,
angry at everyone and everything.
The anger is consuming you so completely,
that you can't see straight.
You don't know to handle all this
and it isn't going the way you imagined it...
We have all been there. The deal-making is the worst. Either way, you can't win. If you get what you are trading for when it comes to pay, it doesn't seem like the thing you want to do, then. You dodged another bullet and when the time comes to make another deal, you will deal with it then. If you lose your trade, you couldn't care less anyway.
It is not about the deals we want to make when we are up against the wall. It is not about offering God everything and then being angry when He doesn't see it our way. It is about being all in with God, no matter what and I admit, that is tough. I have tried to imagine myself now in that unasked for journey and while I have practiced it over and over in my mind, there are no guarantees. You have to be about it everyday. This is an excerpt from a Commencement Speech given by Apple/Pixar CEO, Steve Jobs.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.
I want to tell the son, you are already naked.
I want to tell the son, that accepting you will be dead someday, will change the life you have now.
I want to tell the son to run to the Son.
The only right spot to put the Masking Tape Jesus picture that Gage made me last week was on my nightstand. It seemed so natural, like it was made for that spot. It is the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. When I woke up very early this morning, I turned on the light and saw my picture and instantly thought of the son. May the Peace that is being offered to him this very moment, that is his - just for the taking - may he reach out and grab it and not let go, ever again...
so close that Hospice has been called in.
Suppose at the beginning of all this,
you had made a deal with God...
Give him 2 years and I will give myself to you, forever.
And God doesn't make that deal with you,
and you are so angry with Him,
angry at everyone and everything.
The anger is consuming you so completely,
that you can't see straight.
You don't know to handle all this
and it isn't going the way you imagined it...
We have all been there. The deal-making is the worst. Either way, you can't win. If you get what you are trading for when it comes to pay, it doesn't seem like the thing you want to do, then. You dodged another bullet and when the time comes to make another deal, you will deal with it then. If you lose your trade, you couldn't care less anyway.
It is not about the deals we want to make when we are up against the wall. It is not about offering God everything and then being angry when He doesn't see it our way. It is about being all in with God, no matter what and I admit, that is tough. I have tried to imagine myself now in that unasked for journey and while I have practiced it over and over in my mind, there are no guarantees. You have to be about it everyday. This is an excerpt from a Commencement Speech given by Apple/Pixar CEO, Steve Jobs.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.
I want to tell the son, you are already naked.
I want to tell the son, that accepting you will be dead someday, will change the life you have now.
I want to tell the son to run to the Son.
The only right spot to put the Masking Tape Jesus picture that Gage made me last week was on my nightstand. It seemed so natural, like it was made for that spot. It is the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. When I woke up very early this morning, I turned on the light and saw my picture and instantly thought of the son. May the Peace that is being offered to him this very moment, that is his - just for the taking - may he reach out and grab it and not let go, ever again...
girlfriends...
Spent some time with DD and her friends last week at Miss M's birthday party. We are obviously not in the same season of life but it was fun to remember being where they are. I remember thinking the things that they are going thru and while they share with each other, I love playing with all their kids. I even have a new BFF. Miss S wanted her mommy to invite her friend to the zoo outing on Friday.
Girlfriends are necessary no matter what season of life you are in. All of my friends are younger - none yet know the nana syndrome but share my journey but we share enough other things that is is a very satisfying give and take. Sometimes you are the mentor and sometimes you are the mentoree. There is no rhyme or reason, it just happens.
Girlfriends...You don't need a bunch, depending on your personality - a few will do nicely. I am so lucky to have the women in my life that I do. They are a diverse lot, cover a wide range of ages and are so precious to me. They are honest, truthful, willing to share themselves and most importantly, I believe, will get in my face if they think I need it. I would have it no other way. Being a friend is not a mambie-pambie, makeyoufeelgood person. Those are a dime a dozen. A real friend will share the good and bad of her life and take on yours as her own. It is about quality not quantity. Not a job for the meek, don't participate if you are not willing to go the mile. Anything less is not fair to them and a bigger loss to yourself.
My new BFF just turned three. Not sure we will be going out for coffee or sharing current events of the day although she did follow me out to the car last week. Good thing her mommy saw her streak out the door behind me and caught her before she went into the street. I will be at the zoo Friday and she may not be very happy. Gage and I are going to do our own thing so the playgroup and their mommies can bond and make their own magic but I imagine that Miss S and I are now girlfriends and how great is that!!!
state mottos...
How did I get here?
It has to do with a radio show.
Bob and Tom.
Don't go there.
It is sophmoric, potty humor
but right now, it beats the Barack and Hillary daily morning show.
Sometimes, I learn stuff.
For instance, state mottos.
Florida's - Visit Florida.
Sounds like a guy who had to pee and his boss wouldn't let him till he came up with Something. So he did - Visit Florida.
Maine has chosen - The Way Life Should Be.
It should read, Maine - Too Cold To Swim.
Idaho started with Famous Potatoes
and made the enormous leap to Great Potatoes
Who could have seen THAT coming???
Quite a few states have chosen song titles for their mottos.
Pennsylvania - You've got a Friend in Pennsylvania.
Georgia - Georgia On My Mind
Wisconsin - Stay Just A Little Bit Longer
And Colorado - Hip To Be Square.
But by far, my most favorite and most sophmoric is New Mexico.
The actual motto of New Mexico is Land of Enchantment.
I like B&T's better. New Mexico - Wayyyyyyy better than regular Mexico
Sometimes only silly will do. A good belly laugh to lighten the Load. I swear that laughter is better for you than any medicine advertised on TV. Go where you need to today to get some for yourself and laugh until it hurts...
true happiness...
Happiness is relative and if we are all honest, superficial most of the time and by that I mean, much like a newborn - we get our days and nights or the things that bring us happiness - mixed up. I am as guilty as the next guy, no questions about it but I am trying to see it from a different perspective and I got to tell you, this could be the real deal.
Saturday was a great day. I was looking forward to Miss M's 3rd birthday party later on in the day. Balloons, cake, presents, cake, lots and lots of noise and more cake. It was giving me something to look forward to and it certainly put a smile on my face. Just before noon, I walked out my front door and headed for the mailbox. My next-door neighbor had his front porch patio furniture out in the yard, ready to rinse off the long, winter dirt but first, he started with his Harley. As I reached the mailbox, his three dogs came over to give me the once over as if they have never smelled me before. He is very particular about the behavior of his dogs and wants them to be respectful to his good neighbor - that is what he calls me. We chit chatted a bit and I walked up my driveway to come back in the house. When I was about 10 steps from the front door, he yells over at me.
Speaking very slowly, he said, If I was a religious man...I would thank Jesus Christ for today, then turned back around to finish washing his bike. I didn't know what to say. Something like, Yes sir, is what I think came out of my mouth but I wouldn't swear to it. All kinds of thoughts were going thru my head. I wanted to tell him that been religious was a prerequisite to anything concerning Jesus and...I wanted to give him a big hug, just because.
When I got back in the house, I gained some composure and realized I had just been given a wonderful gift. The gift to see Jesus thru my neighbors' eyes and that brought me the true happiness that stayed with me throughout the day. Simple yet so powerful. The stuff of true happiness. Not the physical stuff that we think brings happiness but the stuff of deep, deep inside - where it counts.
We went on to have a FABULOUS party for Miss M. She loved her Bitty Babies and loved that their outfits matched her. She has just begun her journey and for right now, her stuff brings that smile. Happiness is a journey and as with all journeys, they all look different. As for me, I wouldn't trade mine for anyone else's in the world - not one soul...
celebrate...
I had just finished my post for today and my computer, with no notice - shut itself down and I lost the whole thing. I think I know why and will process that and what it means. I think I know but you know about the whole assume thing.
The week started with much anxiety about Miss Audrey's birthday. It has been an emotionally draining week. The last post on her blog reported that her mommy got to come home a day early. These days have to been seem unreal to their whole family. They will start picking up the pieces, trying to put on foot in front of the other. It is a journey that we can walk along side and share yet can't fully comprehend. It is their time to mourn but for each of us, our lives go on.
It is our weekend to celebrate Miss M's 3rd birthday. Actually, she has been asking everyday this week if it is her birthday yet. Darn it, would be her response and thankfully tomorrow, will be the first of 2 birthday celebrations. I am looking forward to celebrating.
This week has been about two little girls for me. Completely different experiences but connected by the One who made them both. When taken in context with my lost post, the week is making a bit more sense than it has. The ebb and flow of life is takes a flexible soul and I seriously lack in that department. Time to put on my party hat and celebrate. Not just with cake and ice cream but for the life I have, the thankfulness I feel and the God who holds my hand daily...
an ordinary, extraordinary day...
DD and I pretended to be preschool teachers for the day. Gage and 11 of his friends along with Miss M spent 3 hours together discussing the snow we all woke up to this morning and many, many, many other things. They are a delightful group of kids and we really did enjoy being with them.
It is hard when your mom and nana are your teachers for the day. Gage thought I was there to be his personal play pal but I had to encourage him to play with the kids - he could play with me any old time but he really wanted it to be me and him. I finally got him to play with one of the little girls' and as I watched him, I heard him telling her about, Jesus - dying on the cross. No idea in the world where that came from. His account was short but accurate. It was going thru his head so it was coming out his mouth.
Later he joined Morgan and me at the coloring table and decided he wanted to make something. There was masking tape and he was very deliberate about his project. I had to get a piece of paper and put 2 strips of masking tape in the shape of a cross, then he finish the picture with his drawing. I got distracted with some other kids but when he was done, he brought it to me. This is for you, he says.I couldn't have been happier if he had given me a million dollars.
I immediately saw the crown on His head and Jesus' hands and feet were perfectly still and dead on, the masking tape. Profound yet so simple. Children have lots and lots of free space on their little people hard drives and it open up countless possibilities to them because of it. When we grow, some of the hardest work we ever do is learning to be childlike again.
Today was a good day. I colored a picture for Miss Brandi, our teacher and the one I gave birth too. She was very happy with my picture and seemed to appreciate my hard work. It doesn't take much to have an extraordinary day - sometimes it comes wrapped as ordinary and if you aren't paying attention, you will miss it...
dream...
In life there comes a time when that dream you dream becomes that thing you do...
I got back in in the car and headed home yesterday from a great day of playing with my gkids. Looked at the clock in the car, 2:58. I knew that Miss Audrey's birthday was scheduled to start in 2 minutes and when I got home, that was confirned by the first of three emails. Stuggling with my purse, trying to get my camera out, I knew this was meant fo rme to see and I didn't want to forget so driving down the road, I am taking pictures out of my windsheild - there were no drivers in peril and I was very careful but not willing to stop until I got the shot.
Flipped thru my IPod looking for songs that would fit this moment. I knew from my own DD's c-section that it would take less than 10 minutes to get the baby out but in the first email, Jessica, the official poster of the Smith family - said she would be back in 1 1/2 hours. I did fine with the music until I was almost home and Josh Groban and Charlotte Church came on with The Prayer and I lost in right in front of the Chervon station. I was home in less than a minute and continued the music while I checked out the first email.
Audrey and her family were never far from my mind as I started dinner, eat, cleaned up and headed back to my computer for an update. Praise God, she had been born and making little sounds. Her daddy was ready to give her a bath and then they were going to take photos. Her heart was weak and they didn't know how long she would live but for now... Her mother was beaming and her sisters on their way to meet her. I fell alseep for a while and ran for the computer for the next update when I woke up. Miss Audrey had lived for 2 hours and 15 minutes and then went to be with Jesus. Our wonderful poster was on her way to the hospital to be with the family.
Our last email for the night was Jessica telling about the sisters wanting to show her their little sister, Dressed in a little dress, they pushed her bonnet back to show her Audrey's fiery red hair while she lay in her mommy's arms.
I went ot bed reviewing in my mind how much this young family had to process in such a short time. it was almost midnite when I woke and started thinking about Angie having to give Audrey up. It was unsettling and I couldn't shake the feeling that it had been a terrible thing for Angie to go though. Finally settled down to a fitfull sleep and woke this morning, knowing this was going to be a difficult day for Audrey's family. None of us can ever imagine, unless you have been there.
Hold your family close because you don't know what tomorrow may bring - make today count...
JJ Flash, its a gas, gas gas...
On Sunday afternoon, we spent 2 glorious hours with the Bad Boys of our generation. I think whatever your age, the music of your youth will always hold a soft spot in your heart and getting to see them on the 5 story IMax screen, doesn't hurt either. Besides being in little piggy girl music heaven, I walked away with a new found sense of age. If you are trying to talk to your kids about the dangers of sex, drugs and rock and roll - I would stay away from mentioning the Stones. Mick Jagger works the stage like a teenager. His muscles are ripped, you could bounce quarters off his abs and his stamina is amazing. Even Keith Richards, who repeatedly got on his knees to play and got right back up again - goes against everything we have ever learned about health and taking care of one's self. Make no mistake, they are Bad Boys, very Bad Boys but they have endured and have come thru the fire. You can't live that lifestyle for over 45 years and still do what they do. Oh yes you can and they do. Saw one interview with Richards and he said that these days, he can party or perform, not both on the same day. Forget exercise, got to start smoking, partying and playing in a rock band. Seems like one could live forever or it would sure feel like it. Another chapter in the Life Ain't Fair book. The dudes just rock the house...
Happy Birthday Audrey Caroline...
Tomorrow is the Big Day! You finally get to meet your mommy who so faithfully carried and loved you along with your daddy and sisters, who already adore you. I hope it is a sunny day, birthdays are the best on sunny days. April 7 is a wonderful day to be born and I hope your day is filled with lots and lots of birthday love from those who will help bring you into this world and will care for you, little one.
Most birthday are different than yours. Usually at home, surrounded by cake and presents - your arrival will be a bit more structured although you wouldn't know it by all the people and love you will be surrounded by. You will be held and loved and those familiar voices you have been hearing - will be made real to you.
Your mommy will have a hard time, say a little prayer for her. Birthdays are always hard on mommies and yours will be no exception. Birthdays remind us of times past and fast it really goes. It is easy to say we can't wait to be with Jesus and hard when that wait seems all too soon.
There will be a lot of people thinking about you tomorrow - those of us who couldn't be there with the rest of your family. Lots and lots of people. We will also be thinking of your family. We pray for safe passage for you and your mommy. May your birthday brings joy to her as the years go by. I imagine that Jesus has been as close to her today as He has been to you. May you both rest in His Arms and enjoy this precious time together.
I know there will be lots of people around you tomorrow but if you see that huge, pink balloon with the white twisty ribbon almost touching the hospital ceiling, that's me. Happy Birthday Audrey Caroline, Happy Birthday...
back to basics...
One of the most important things I can do for myself is to every once in a while, go back to the basics. It is not a failure nor a weakness, and may very well, be the greatest strength one can possess. Nothing majored happened to shock me into this particular reality but as I was doing this layout of Miss M and our cookie adventure at Flying M yesterday, it dawned on me how it is the basics that always bring me back to where I need to be.
Reading Brian McLaren, A Generous Or+hodoxy this week and it is making me examine where my spiritual head is right now and if some things, need adjustment. I don't believe that we ever arrive at anything we do. I don't believe we ever fully, see the Light and I especially don't think we can not, start at the beginning, over and over again and again.
It's a great way to end the week by going back to the start. One of the many descriptions that Brian Mclaren describes himself as is unfinished. Making room for more, pliable, flexible, teachable - unfinished...that's good enough for me...
You're Special ...
Not my words but my eye doctor. He looked at the results of the pre-tests I had taken with his assistant and uttered these shocking words. He said that apparently, according to my test results, I did not have an optic nerve. I volunteered to retrace my steps and check the lost and found at Walmart but other than that, I pretty much would be of no use to him. We talked of going on and having Brian Williams come to interview us and my being special and all. Dr D thought maybe Oprah to tell this extraordinary Story. We had a good laugh, redid the test only to find out that I did indeed, have my optic nerve. No Dateline, Brian Williams or Oprah for us. We would not be hitting the road and worse yet, I was no longer special.
I think little moments of special are great times for each of us. Nothing wrong with it. Problems arise when we need to be special or decide that we can never be special. We all know people in both camps and when taking to the extreme - can make us crazy. If someone perceives that they are always the victim, life is a drag for them and everyone around them. If one thinks they are perpetually special, the princess syndrome is equally difficult for all involved.
We need both and need to make sure we are always moving to the center. It is a healthy thing for our own mindset. It gives us perspective and a point of reference that will help us lead our lives by making good choices.
I must admit, however, that I was so looking forward to talking with Brian Williams - want to talk about his Saturday Night Live experience and let him know, I for one, think he is a funny guy. My 5 minutes of being special is gone but gave us all a good laugh. That is special enough for me...
Unphotographable...
To one who is most comfortable knowing there is always a camera in her purse, at first I didn't understand what value I could glean from this blog but what I did understand was those times, when I couldn't get my camera out fast enough or it would be inappropriate to do so. I have missed so many shots and more importantly, I miss the opportunity to see a Story because I was so focused on getting the shot. Once you experience a photographer's high, you never forget it. From the moment you realize you must have the shot, all decisions are predicated on the task.
Sometimes in life, we are too busy to see what is going on. No wonder people hire others to take care of weddings, birthday parties, family reunions. While many of us can multi-task, how many times have we missed Something going on because we were looking down the barrel for that perfect shot.
Unphotographable has given me some much needed balance, and challenged me with seeing what I am looking for without a camera. Whether I can document an event with a physical photo or not, having it imprinted on my brain - may be the greater lesson. It puts the One that got away theory, in its place. We learn in many different ways and to limit ourselves to a certain way or the highway - maybe prove to be the worse thing we could do for ourselves. This is going to be a part of my on-going photography experience, Can't help but believe the pictures will get better and better...
This is the picture I did not take. This winter, I missed him when I hadn't seen him for a while. When I saw that an elderly gentlemen had been killed crossing the street while walking to work, I thought it was you. You are my favorite Walmart greeter. I searched the article in the paper to see if it was you. I would look for you, everytime I came in and left the store. One dark afternoon as I was leaving, I stopped and asked my second favorite greeter if you were alright. she said, Sure he is - he's over there. . I looked over and there you were, lining up the carts. I could have hugged you even though I probably would have scared you to death. She must have told you about my concern, now when I come in - you always give me a big smile. So glad you are ok.
Sometimes in life, we are too busy to see what is going on. No wonder people hire others to take care of weddings, birthday parties, family reunions. While many of us can multi-task, how many times have we missed Something going on because we were looking down the barrel for that perfect shot.
Unphotographable has given me some much needed balance, and challenged me with seeing what I am looking for without a camera. Whether I can document an event with a physical photo or not, having it imprinted on my brain - may be the greater lesson. It puts the One that got away theory, in its place. We learn in many different ways and to limit ourselves to a certain way or the highway - maybe prove to be the worse thing we could do for ourselves. This is going to be a part of my on-going photography experience, Can't help but believe the pictures will get better and better...
This is the picture I did not take. This winter, I missed him when I hadn't seen him for a while. When I saw that an elderly gentlemen had been killed crossing the street while walking to work, I thought it was you. You are my favorite Walmart greeter. I searched the article in the paper to see if it was you. I would look for you, everytime I came in and left the store. One dark afternoon as I was leaving, I stopped and asked my second favorite greeter if you were alright. she said, Sure he is - he's over there. . I looked over and there you were, lining up the carts. I could have hugged you even though I probably would have scared you to death. She must have told you about my concern, now when I come in - you always give me a big smile. So glad you are ok.
1994...
Doing a little spring cleaning last week and came across a birthday calendar book that I had made in 1994. On the back cover was my theme for the year, Black and White, Living in a Grey World.
As the title implies, there was a definite feeling of being set apart. What it doesn't say is the feeling of desperation. I don't have the greatest of memory recall but what I do remember, I can step into that memory and feel the same emotions I felt at that time. Maybe I am in the minority, I don't know but this feeling of being a fish out of water with no hope in sight and quickly sinking is how I felt.
Could that really have been 14 years ago? While I still would classify myself in the B&W category, there is no longer accompanied by any kind of desperation. I have actually somewhat enjoyed dabbling in the Grey World. I have stretched my black and white self and have immersed myself in the this NewToMe world with great results. I think the best part is the creative process that I never imagined I had. Would have bet you many dollars that I didn't have a creative bone in my body. I am finally learning that is the B&W talking.
Being able to recall those angry feelings and also recognizing that they are no longer in residence, was a great personal discovery. We aren't always able to look back and see thru the anger and I still have ISSUES but this one, not so much.
Hopefully, it won't take 14 years to work thru each issue - I've got art to make...
Bring the rain...
If you have ever had the experience of being pregnant and carrying a child, you already know alot about Audrey Caroline. You know exactly what her mommy is talking about - the movement, the hiccups. Where your shared experience with Angie stops, is a place no woman could possibly imagine, until you have been there.
Angie has been sharing Audrey's story and her family's struggles as they await the arrival of their daughter and sister. Take some time to read Audrey's story as Angie chronicles the journey she, Todd and the girls have been living.
Her Carry You entry has been with me all weekend. Recently having had my own funeral home experience, I know of the part of which she speaks but to make arrangements for a baby that is kicking inside of you is overwhelmingly, more than I could handle. Tears streamed down my face as I read down her post and when I was finished, I just sat here, stunned.
I am going to a baby shower later this afternoon. I will be taking Angie and Audrey with me. They are never far from my mind. Just like Jesus is never far from Angie's mind. Audrey's birthday will be April 14, her mommy is scheduled for a c-section. I will wait, heavy with prayers for a safe delivery for Audrey and fast recovery for Angie.
Angie was right. God could see fit to go against all the doctor's opinions. It is so possible but she will accept that Audrey has a new home waiting for her. As I enter the happy halls of Mr E's baby shower today, I also carry Miss A and her family. None of know what lies ahead even if we have been given a life's heads up. Do yourself a favor and read Audrey's Story, Bring the rain...
Easter...
Had a very nice conversation today with a person I haven't seen in a while. We caught up on grandchildren and life in general. When we got ready to go our own ways, she said, Hope you have a great Easter!.
I know what she meant and I have said it before myself but if you think about - why would followers of Jesus really say that to one another? Over 2000 years ago, Easter was made good for us, forever. So when we say that to someone, are we wishing them great success at the church egg hunt or that the ham and pototoes doesn't burn?
I don't see the Salvation Army pails out at the grocery store, trying to ensure that everyone has a good Easter. No signs of food drives or collecting chocolate bunnies for the less fortunate. I am as guilty as the next guy, my office is filled with Easter baskets and presents for my family. I couldn't imagine it being any other way but I want to honor Easter for what it is.
We celebrate what has already been done, once and forever. Every Easter is a good Easter. The details of our lives on Easter Sunday, have no bearing on the goodness of the day. Nothing that can happen will change the essence of the day. It is what is is and we are able to celebrate, however we see fit - what we couldn't do for ourselves.
So, I am not going to wish you a Happy Easter. Have whatever kind of Easter you want but remember what has been done for you and thank Him in your own way.
Spring break is next week so I am going to take some time off. See you in a week...love zalaine
I know what she meant and I have said it before myself but if you think about - why would followers of Jesus really say that to one another? Over 2000 years ago, Easter was made good for us, forever. So when we say that to someone, are we wishing them great success at the church egg hunt or that the ham and pototoes doesn't burn?
I don't see the Salvation Army pails out at the grocery store, trying to ensure that everyone has a good Easter. No signs of food drives or collecting chocolate bunnies for the less fortunate. I am as guilty as the next guy, my office is filled with Easter baskets and presents for my family. I couldn't imagine it being any other way but I want to honor Easter for what it is.
We celebrate what has already been done, once and forever. Every Easter is a good Easter. The details of our lives on Easter Sunday, have no bearing on the goodness of the day. Nothing that can happen will change the essence of the day. It is what is is and we are able to celebrate, however we see fit - what we couldn't do for ourselves.
So, I am not going to wish you a Happy Easter. Have whatever kind of Easter you want but remember what has been done for you and thank Him in your own way.
Spring break is next week so I am going to take some time off. See you in a week...love zalaine
memoir...
Memoir (mem'war) - record of events based on a person's personal observations.So many things in our lives are about them. Stories, books, movies - and we enjoy living vicariously thru someone else's as much as our own. Maybe that is why when we connect with an author, speaker or even a comedian - it feels so familiar.
I found the 6 word memoir blog yesterday and as a scrapbooker, it was intriguing. I thought it would be tough but a few came to mind pretty quickly.
My life makes sense to me.
Age can make you young again.
I practice being a widow, daily.
Each of us is a walking museum. If people could roam our halls, they would see things they never could have imagined existed. I think we might even be a bit surpised by a few of the exhibits.
Thanks to those who share their Stories. It helps us to know that we aren't the only ones. It gives us hope and takes our faith to a whole new level. It truly is a gift of love...
Again...
It had been almost 3000 miles so I found myself back at the shop, getting the oil changed in the van. I always sit in the same chair - a high back Mission Rocker and I always have my Sonic Diet Coke with cherry. I always take pictures - not sure why. How exciting can be and how much could it really have changed since I was there last?
Some of the things we do again and again are mundane. As if on auto pilot, we tend to veg out during these times. I admit, I found it difficult to find anything Spectactular on the way to my car task. After settling in, I spent my 30 minutes basically, looking out the window. After a while, I realized that just the simple task of being, gave me a sense of well-being and I walked away better than I walked in.
These are not BIG THINGS but little things. Both of these have their place in our lives. I tend to focus more on the Big Ones but in truth, it is the little ones that affect my everyday mental health.
I need tires so I will be going back on Thursday to have them mounted. At first, I fought going to the car place TWICE in one week but I quickly recovered and am now looking forward to it. Stop at Sonic, take a few pictures and have some time to think. Again...
a 5th wheel...
Last Friday in the middle of a freak sleet storm, I went to my first yard sale of the year. My real estate friend and her husband had been planning this for a few years. The real estate market, well - you know, so they sold the house, and were getting rid of anything that won't fit in a 5th wheel RV. They do have a cabin, not sure of its size but because this has fascinated me all weekend - I called an RV dealer today and asked for the square footage of the biggest 5th wheel they sell. I told him ti was research - no buyer here, ever. He told me the Deluxe model has 320 sq ft of living space and another 240 sq ft of outside space. Not sure how much these things cost but it is not cheap. Then you have to have a huge $70,000 truck to haul this thing around in. Add in $4 TO $5 gas and you've got yourself, well...the freedom of the road.
They seem so content. I told her, give it a while. I think she will want a more permanent home. Maybe not - hard to put myself in their shoes. It is not about material things entirely for me - it's also about the closed in space. My father spent most days daydreaming about living off the land his family owned in Michigan. It never made sense to me - you have what 6 or 7 decent weather months but he was so optimistic that if life went to youknowwhere, he would be fine.
Maybe it was living under that happy yet crazy cloud. I wish them the very best in their retirement. I hope the open road is everything and more they hoped for. May they meet many wonderful people, see fabulous sights and if she ever needs it, my bathroom is her bathroom...
sleepover...
It was around 1230 AM when the last one went down. Keaton, Morgan and Poppa all fell asleep pretty fast and it was just Gage and me, trying. After an 1 hour and 1/2 of trying, I finally put him, his pillow and blanket on my lap and rocked him to sleep in less than 30 seconds. I put him on the floor bed we had made for everybody, woke Poppa up, sent him to his bed and laid on the couch, watching over my brood.
We had a good night. Keaton beat me at Wii bowling several times. Gage and Poppa had Xbox going and Miss M was my shadow. She helped me make dinner, putting tater - totters on the cookie sheet and setting the table. Saturday was reserved to go see Horton Hears A Who and checking out the new Crayola center at the craft store but for this very early moment, I watched them as they slept.
I thought about each one and their big personalities. I could myself in each one. They all have a piece of me in them and I could pick it out pretty quick. Their faces had the sweetness that only comes in the middle of the night. While they slept on, I wondered about all the sleepovers we have had and would have to come. I wondered about what they would be when they grew up. Would they still have those big personalities? Would they still love the things they love now? What would they remember?
As I thought about all those things, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the greatness of these little people who have the same blood as me, flowing thru their veins. It may be called a sleepover and that may be an oxymoron but I wouldn't change having this time with them - for anything in the world...
run...
During part of our time together yesterday, Miss M and I played Hide and Seek. After hiding under the computer desk and in the pantry, she changed her strategy. While I was counting and peeking, she ran into her room. I grabbed my camera expecting to find her in her closet but there she was- hiding in her bed. I must admit, because of the colors she was wearing, she did blend in. She was so proud of herself for hiding from nana.
We all hide from Something and some of the things that we are hiding from, we spend a life time running away from. My perspective tells me that at some unknown moment, we might consider coming to a dead stop and look back. Maybe there is no longer anything to hide from. The running has become suck a habit, we are no doing it for no good reason. We could stop running and nothing would follow or worse yet, catch up to us.
Our hiding methods are also about as sophicated as Miss M, no matter how good of a job we think we are doing. Ask the soon-to-be ex mayor of New York. Martha and the Vandellas got it right many years ago. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I tmight be good for each of us to remember that, every once in while...
Plan B...
DD and I were discussing a life lesson the other day and she started talking about making sure she had a plan B in place. I could not have been prouder. She truly is her mother's daughter.
Plan B - usually perceived as less than perfect. I can remember being a new believer and being told that God had a wonderful plan for my life and as long as I chose this plan which was never explained fully as to how to recognize it - I would pretty much lead a idyllic life. My perception was everything would go pretty smooth unless I did not make the right choice and had to accept Plan B. I was terrified of choosing Plan B. Then I remember...
Plan B - That was where I had come from. I never thought any of these would be mine to claim:
Get married
Have a child
Believe in God.
I had already lived a whole life in Plan B and it had gone pretty well. It took a while to shake this theology. Jesus has a plan for each of us. He loves us, and no matter which Plan He has for me - I am good with it. I figure if I walk with Him, take His Hand and hold on, that is a good enough plan for me...
hesitant...
It is one of our emotions that we are usually unsure of. I think of it as a warning that goes off in our ear whether it involves friend or foe. Sometimes we are not given a second chance to react - now or never. To do good or to obey the still, small voice that we all hear, from time to time - we hold back and sometimes travel down the river of No Return. Sometimes, if it has to do with a purchase, we have no wiggle room. Either a 3-day remorseful purchase return or 14 days to see if it is a good fit.
I think we can develop and refine the hesitant factor, to our advantage. Nothing is 100% sure but we can learn over time that when we hesitate, it is for the right reasons. I hope so. Being who I am, I don't hesitate much but when I do...I am aware that I need to be paying attention. That may be the best I can ever hope for...
aging...
It is not a word I like very much. Sounds so AARP-like but the benefits that can come with it make it worth it - at least until I can figure out Something better.
As I sat at the Brick today, waiting for my friend, I wanted to capture the light that was streaming in the window. Not only the best Tomato Bisque I have ever had but it has such a calming effect on me. I could live there. I may have to paint my house these calming colors because I got to say, this feels like home.
My wise friend once told me she thinks that as we age, the Real us becomes more apparent. There has to be an upside to aging so the ability to see more clearly, be more honest with yourself and others - also has a calming effect.
Last Thursday when I went out to get the mail, there was a handwritten letter with familiar handwriting. I took a second look, turned it over looking for a return address - there was none and knew exactly what it was. When DH's mom dies almost 6 years ago, we received the same handwritten letter the morning of her funeral. It contained 2 leaflet's, 2 folded up sheets of paper and 2 single notebook size papers, one of then entitled, Liars.
Because of the handwriting on several of the sheets and because of the median age of those who read the newspaper, it appears to be someone who is older rather than younger. He reads the obituaries and singles out a certain religion and sends hate mail. Plain and simple. A coward with no return address. I thought we had dodged his ugly bullet this time - this time it took almost 3 weeks. I was beginning to think he had a change of heart or died but alas, that was not the case. I had even mentioned it at the funeral home and said I was reluctant to put our names in the newspaper because quite frankly, I didn't want my family to go through that again but I didn't and he did.
After I opened it up, I couldn't help but think about that poor woman who lost her husband and three sons last year and how she must have felt when she got her letter. We are not of the religion that he hates but I can tell you that if that is the way you treat people in Christ's name, I want no part of it.
This time, I was somewhat prepared - the last time I was blind-sided. I need to pray for him but find myself resisting and more just wanting to smack him. Hopefully, I will not find myself in the same boat as this man. I hope as the years go by, my passion is joy and affects everyone around me. I wish that for Mr Coward. May Someday he RIP....
Happy Birthday...
Miss M has a few friends having birthday tomorrow. Her Real-life friend Mr E will be three and her Real yet far away friends, the Gosselin kids who will be four tomorrow, all six of them.
Miss M loves the babies - I think it is her favorite show, Jon and Kate Plus 8. Alexis, Aidan, Leah, Collin, Hannah and Joel.
So you guys, Happy Birthday - have a wonderful day! May it be a day of fun, joy and birthday cake...so you can do this Someday. This is for you...
PS. Because I can't read, I am wishing the Gosselin kids HB two months early. March/May - same sentiment only a bit earlier...
addiction...
The face of addiction has been a part of me even before I knew what it was. Had a great discussion about it the other day and after, felt the need to contemplate a bit more. Not an expert by any means, except to my own experience - I realize that if addiction is not part of your DNA or experience, you might be hard-pressed to try and figure out why anyone would give up the good parts of their lives to their addiction of choice. Rented a movie, Things We Lost In The Fire, yesterday afternoon and it really solidified what had been going thru my mind the last few days. It is a powerful film, tough to watch but can give you a better understanding of the power of addiction.
One of the questions that came up in the addiction conversations was Why. Why would you chose it over a wife, kids and everything? Obviously when it concerns drugs - it seems obvious. How about the less obvious or acceptable ones? Food, money, work, internet or (insert addiction of your choice here). In my humble opinion, if you understand on any level, the nature of addiction, Why would anyone pick anything BUT the addiction? To pick the addiction over the good stuff seems like a no-brainier to me. Not saying it is right just logical. There is a reason for all the A's meeting and a reason you have to go forever, not just for a while. You can't look at the addiction and say, you or them. You will never win the Battle. It has to be a unseen value to others, that is only visible to you. That can be where the new path starts.
It has made me look at the plank in my own eye. We all have issues and our motives for doing or not doing things. I look back to where I was successful in one area and try to apply that principle to whatever issue I am trying to work on. It is a life long process. There is no arrival date . So, what is the good news? Baby Steps...sounds too simple but when you are able, Down The Road, to look back - you will see the Process and you will see that it worked. Too bad I didn't have a Princess Doctor years ago, it might have saved me a bunch of time...
be(lie)ve...
It dawned on me this week that the word, "lie" is in the middle of believe. I don't know why this struck me as somewhat odd. It still has me somewhat confused but I can't get away from thinking it must mean Something. Or not.
The thing I keep coming back too is that if you believe in Something, there is a Lie that is going to try to fight you. Is that possible? If you think about it, until you are interested in believing Something, there would be no reason for a Lie to care. It would be a waste of it's time.
I don't know - maybe I am stretching too far. The old adage, If you don't for something - you will fall for anything is a pretty accurate condition of human nature. We each fight our demons. Food, money and a whole lot more. It always goes back to value and as a culture, we seems to have new issues everyday.
I will not look at believe without seeing the lie within it and that may very well be all I am suppose to do. If I care enough to believe, I better keep my eyes open...
the bigger, the better...
I have watched that little video clip of Brennan Manning several times a day since I posted it. It has become my daily ritual for now. I start and end my day with his words flowing through my brain.
I am utterly convinced that he is correct about us accepting God's unwavering Love that will be the salvation of each of us and not the works that we try so desperately to keep up with. What I can't stop thinking about is the idea that God is only as big as I see Him.
If you have been around me for more than 2 minutes, you know I have no desire to travel anywhere but Disneyworld. None, zip, nada. I didn't realize that I may be the only one in that club until a few weeks ago, talking to some ladies who were discussing spending some quality time in Hawaii. Don't care - can't make me. Maybe I am the odd man out. I have wondered if my vision of Him might be bigger if I did see more of the world He has made. After these last few days, I am convinced that seeing more of the world, wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. Strong language but totally appropriate for what I am talking about. For me, how I see Him is in my everyday life. I want to make Him bigger everyday. At the end of the day, I want to tell Him, It was a good day and You shine like no one else can.
My world changes when I allow Him to make it bigger. I am going to purposefully grow my world in Him bigger every day from now on. God doesn't change - He just lovingly waits for me and I can't help but believe that as my view of Him gets bigger, the better it will be for me.
intersections...
I have been trying to get DH to see the new 3D U2 movie for a week so when we had a small window Saturday morning, we took it. As it turned out, his job decided they needed him earlier but he knew that after spending $17.50, there was no getting me to go home so they waited for us.
In ter sek' shan - a place where two or more roads meet: junction.
The thing about U2 is that it reminds us of a very happy intersection of our lives. I do believe that many, many things intersect with each of our worlds and we are never quite the same. That is how I felt while watching U2 with my 3-D glasses, just as happy as I could be. Their music is amazing but I couldn't help thinking about the days when DD was little and we had friends that were family and we enjoyed this music together. Sometimes the intersections come from people, music, sometimes from words that go straight to our heart bypassing our brains - not giving it a chance to run away. I think some intersections hold deadly crashes - we have to stop and regroup. The loss of person, job or dream, can also intersect our worlds and change our course, our plans and our lives.
Thank God we don't need 3-D glasses to see what we need to see. While it certainly adds entertainment value, we need to be free and see clearly to move on. When our road meets another, we are set to travel a different path. Whether friend or foe, our lives are never the same. Whether my next intersections comes from, I hope I have learned to be more flexible and be ready to go...
The Lanyard...
Billy Collins has done for poetry what Ben and Jerry's did for ice cream - took it up a notch and made it very palatable. His humor and non-poetry like manner made me take another look at whatIthoughtIwouldnevercareabout. The Lanyard, is a perfect example of the love of God in a collection of words all jumbled together. I love this - made me laugh and cry...
The Lanyard by Billy Collins
The other day as I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room
bouncing from typewriter to piano
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
I found myself in the "L" section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word, Lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one more suddenly into the past.
A past where I sat at a workbench
at a camp by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid thin plastic strips into a lanyard.
A gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard.
Or wear one, if that’s what you did with them.
But that did not keep me from crossing strand over strand
again and again until I had made a boxy, red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips,
set cold facecloths on my forehead
then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim and I in turn presented her with a lanyard.
"Here are thousands of meals" she said,
"and here is clothing and a good education."
"And here is your lanyard," I replied,
"which I made with a little help from a counselor."
"Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth and two clear eyes to read the world." she whispered.
"And here," I said, "is the lanyard I made at camp."
"And here," I wish to say to her now,
"is a smaller gift. Not the archaic truth,
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took the two-toned lanyard from my hands,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless worthless thing I wove out of boredom
would be enough to make us even."
forever...
is a long, long, long time. So many things can happen between Hello and The End. Most of them, we have no control over. We learn to live with what we are given. When we do have an opportunity to make a choice, the consequences present us with the same option, we learn to live with what we are given.
I often wish I cold live in the Hundred Acre Wood world. It is certainly a more friendly place although they do have their own disagreements with each other. They live in a world where jobs, school and TV would be unheard of, a real Bother. There are no news crews or fast food joints. They certainly live in simpler, less geek friendly homes. In fact, most of their homes are quite sparse.
Rabbit has his garden, Pooh, his pots of honey while Piglet is quite the philosopher. Roo is the only one who has a mom and Kanga keeps him in his place. In our world, Tigger would be prescribed some kind of medication and as for Eeyore, there is not quite like him. They go all out for birthday's and are never far from an adventure. They seem to lack for nothing, I am not sure that they would be so impressed with our world. I can't see it holding my value for them.
Though they have disagreements, it appears that friendship is a forever deal. They may fight and squabble but at the end of the day, it is all about forever. I know we can live there, can't even visit every once in a while but we can while in our world, watch and learn from them. Friends forever, possible, if the planets line up just right. Seriously, I hope we can imitate them - how cool would that be?
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