everyday random

family...

I ran into George today. We use to work together. It has been 13 years now but I still run into him - at the grocery store or the auto body shop and George and I catch up. Except for these little impromptu get togethers, the last time I actually saw George was at his 15 year old daughter's funeral. A car accident that just left a trail of sorrow.

He carries the hope of Jesus with him. I have told him, I can not imagine being in his shoes and he just shrugs his shoulders. He always has a smile and today was no exception except he was dealing with a loss that was worse than losing his daughter. His words, worse than losing his daughter. He just got back from Romania where he held his 90 year old mother's hand as she left this life. Even as he told the Story, you could see that the inevitably of losing his mom never quite became a reality until it did. He was the one who made a beautiful coffin that he used as a coffee table until his MIL needed it. It was a joke yet and when he told the Story, his eyes would twinkle. I heard it many times and it always brought a smile. The reality was another of our co workers lost his teenage daughter in a car accident before George lost his girl and he offered the coffin to him.

Even from another culture, the lines of who is and who isn't family are pretty dim. I saved George from being fired once and he could never thank me enough. He took home a pressure cooker for some kind of experiment, a dumb thing to do but I talked the Powers That Be down and demanded they look elsewhere for somebody to fire.
Families come in all different shapes and sizes, you have to look out for your own.

Today's conversation with him gave me cause to stop and think. I can't imagine having the death of my 90 year old mother being tougher than losing a 15 year old daughter. I don't know if that is a man/George/none of the above thing. The only comfort I could give was was to remind him of his hope. The twinkle came back in his eyes, and we parted ways. I will see him again, I always do but if I don't in this life - the hope we share will bring us together again Someday...

uncomfortable...

Missionaries to me are those who plant themselves in a country that is not their own for an extended period of time to make that place home. It’s a foreign place that becomes a familiar place, and it’s an area where relationships are built that will last for more than 3 days. Missionaries are people who are willing to abandon what is normal so that they can follow a calling that is socially unacceptable to most. They’ve typically sacrificed everything they call commonplace and exchange it for a different story. Pastor Ryan

I have always avoided anything mission. Not having a bit of gypsy blood, nothing about packing my undees and hitting the road, holds any interest for me. Even in the early days...and later days of going to church, if it had to do with missions or missionaries, I was gone both in mind and body.

Much later on, the definition of what a missionary looked like changed. It now included those who didn't go into the tropics or even staying in the states, you could be a missionary in your own town, and sleep in your own bed at night. I couldn't wait to sign up and do my time. Now I could get my missionary badge and mark it off the To Do To Get To Heaven checklist!

I have been very comfortable with my perspective. All fit nice and tidy in my little God box. Pastor Ryan's comment unnerved me last week. Why? - because I think he might be right. I don't like anything foreign. Let me say if I had been born in France or Ethiopia or Spain, I would have felt the same way.

Do we have to be in unfamiliar, uncomfortable circumstances to be all we can be? While I am not sure, I want to be open to the possibility that I may be wrong. I want to color outside the lines but in my own way. How many of us will allow the idea of being uncomfortable on purpose when we are uncomfortable enough involuntarily in this life.

Reading this made me uncomfortable.
I don't like being uncomfortable.
Do I stay or do I go?

For me, I am going to work through it. As much as I would like to deny or run away from being uncomfortable, I am going to play through. Not sure what it will look like on the other side and while there is the desire to run away as fast as I can, I won't. At least not today...

feed my sheep...

“They took a picture of my belly and I got to see it!”

“You did!” I exclaimed, mostly genuine.

I peeled off his filthy socks and lifted up his baggy, stained shirt to mash on his belly.

“That doesn’t hurt me. I’m being a big boy.”

“I know you are. You’re very smart and handsome too.”

I said that for me then, just as I say it again now, in hopes that live, hot, breath will make it so.

They had found him locked in his bedroom, tiny and dirty. So hungry that he’d actually taken to eating the drywall in his room, just to fill up his belly.

I tried to remember all the little things he said to me. I wanted them to mean something or to be funny. I wanted to appreciate him from my good and caring place, instead of pitying him like I did anyway.

He smiled at me and patted his bloated, broken, belly. “You think I got a baby in there?” he asked seriously.

“No way, kiddo. Your belly is just tired and needs some rest. We’ll get you fixed up!”

“Did you know they gave me TWO stickers? I didn’t even ask for none, and they gave me two.”

He sighed and curled up onto his side, as best he could with his swollen middle. No blanket. No socks. Clutching his stickers in one hand.

Being a big boy, I guess. 6 year med/Dr D

Feed my sheep. Not just for my pastor or yours but for each of us. We each have a circle of influence. Those we have been given to encourage, love and somehow, be a part of their lives. To know and grow. To share and grieve with. Whether family, friends or one hit wonders, no one in our lives is there by chance and there is Something about each one that is unique. Not to lord over but to lead. To direct and redirect. To show them where to get a fresh drink of water or how to look at the stars and be amazed. To face what is or to what Someday will be. Each of us are pastors, like it or not

tomorrow...

We all have days, weeks, seasons of life when it seem like we can't take much more. The truth is we can take more than we think but we want to keep the bad stuff in life, to a minimum.

When I think back to my late thirties, I remember thinking and truly believing, I won't survive this. I had a female surgery and because it was more extensive than what the doctors expected, when I woke up they proceeded to tell me I would be having gallbladder surgery in less than year. They were right, the pain became unbearable and another surgery with a long, long recovery time would be mine.

When you are in the middle of a hurricane, the scenery is pretty scary. You can only see a few feet in front of you and the world you have always known, is nowhere to be found. Dark and alone, you try to tell yourself, it is going to be ok.

Somehow you make it through the dust and debris to the light of a new day. It is always available for the asking. Remember Annie?

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

I dare you to get that song out of your head...You're welcome!

outside...

When Jesus chose his disciples, they weren’t a group of educators. Now this hurts, personally, because, well, if there were a broad category for what I do, it would be that of educator. I deal in ideas. But Christ chose a diversity of craftsman. Oh well, I always have Paul to identify with. Nevertheless, the genius here is that the gospel was at street level, accessible to the common man, not stuck in an ivory tower. The gospel translated by fishermen and carpenters might have been understood very differently than the gospel translated from a life-long academic or educator.

Are the leaders of your church as diverse as the Apostles, or are they mostly educators?

Now lets be fair. If you happen to be an educator, or happen to be somebody who likes the truths of scripture translated for you into doable steps, it might be hard to be objective. Would you still attend if, each Sunday, the pastor didn’t give a sermon but went over blueprints for how to build better well-drilling systems, all as an answer to Jesus’ request to bring water to Him when He was thirsty? What if church were not educational but action oriented and experiential? Would we still have the same leaders? Donald Miller.

Miller has a very valid point and goes on to say...

Two close friends of mine don’t attend church. Actually, more than two, but the two I am thinking of are interesting because, quite frankly, they are the two most influential people I know. I won’t get into what they are doing with their lives, but they are literally positively affecting thousands. And when I say positively affecting, I mean feeding them, getting them water, setting them free from slavery and so forth. And I seem to meet these guys all the time, people who love Jesus, love other people and are visionary leaders with no shortage of passion. And they don’t go to church.

For whatever reason, I found out a long time ago that whatever I had to offer was outside of the church. I had that verified later on by my pastor at the time. Don't know that I fully believed him then - it took a while, a really long while.

I know that at my church, they have had leadership classes. For those who wanted to be in leadership at the church. Helpful maybe, but I think everyone is a leader of their own influence and that if the Church wanted to help, teaching that kind of class what would be more helpful.(Let me say right here that when I talk about Church, I don't mean a particular church - I mean the Church universal. All christian churches. The whole not the sum of the parts)

Go to church, don't go to church - that is your call. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you don't fit the theme of your church, don't worry about, do your own thing. It might seem difficult to separate the two in your mind but it is easier than you think. A real Jesus Church knows about the outside and will embrace it. Realizing now that being outside is as good as being inside. Have a degree, don't have a degree - it doesn't mean a hill of beans to Jesus. You are the only you there is - if you are Walking with Him, letting Him lead, being on the outside is a wonderful Place to be. Either way, do His Thing and do it with all your heart....Jesus, I love you man....

delight...

Finished Dan Allender's, The Sabbath last week and trying to wrap my head around rethinking the whole Sabbath concept. I am a reactionary person. Happy, sad, glad or mad - are the way I feel in any given circumstance. Trying to learn the state of being in delight, has been a bit difficult. I tried last night for a long, long time to attempt to get there and failed miserably. Allender talks about being delighted in Sabbath for what it is, not for what we have learned we should be doing or not doing on that day. Different from gratitude, I think delight is something you have to own and maybe that is where I am getting hung up.

Like those who wish for world peace. There can be no dumber human thought than to think that this side of heaven, world peace is possible.

I wish for world peace... It's would be like wishing that elephants could fly, if we all just wished it so. Read Genesis, things start to go bad real fast and world peace is pretty much out the door at the Garden.

But, this is what I do know. When you are trying to unlearn Something and learn Something new, it takes time. Just like an athlete, you have do warm up. You need to flex, loosen up, stretch and then, get into the game. Last night, I forgot to warm up. I learned something and I am ready to try again.

Not sure how this is all going to look but hoping is short order, to have a better idea of how to delight without having to react. How to delight when it seems impossible and how to delight because that is what the Sabbath is all about and that is where my head is at right now...

happy...

Besides learning this weekend that there is Rock Band for the iPad, I also discovered Lightscribe from my fabulous friend, Miss A.

Have been pulling my hair out for ways to label CD/DVD for years and with less than $50 and a DH who now feels like a genius because the install went so smooth, I can do it better than I ever imagined. Overnight, my life was changed and I couldn't be happier.

Maybe I could... I was beaming Saturday night as my girl had her fist ballet recital. All that pink and her, the show must go on attitude made for a pretty happy time. As I sat in the auditorium with all the boys, I have thought about this day for a long time. The boys brought their iPods and sitting there watching all these boys watch their girl, make me pretty happy. When the boys gave her flowers after her performance, my happy meter was a bit off the charts.

Happy isn't everything but it is a wonderful short term feeling. It certainly comes with the little things of life, A bouquet of tine roses, boys rolling their eyes as they count down the dances and grown men at their first ballet recital ever. Some days, it just doesn't take much...

shelf life...

Most of us by habit now, check the experation dates on our food purchases. I always look for the latest day possible when picking up eggs, or milk. I feel confident that I am making the best choice at the Beat The Clock game and providing my family with the safest food possible. Does it really make a difference? I think so but not for the reasons that are obvious.

Like all that Miracle Maid cookware I bought some 30 years ago. All you had to do was show up, someone cooks you a free dinner and you go home... But somewhere along the line, you lose your mind and buy $800 worth of cookware.

IT WILL LAST FOREVER... and I believed it.

Now I know, cookie sheets have a the shortest life span with cake pans being a nto so close second. Interestingly enough, the electric fry pan will last longer than the 1 1/2 quart pan if you have walk away, forget and burn something nasty in it.

What I never could have imagine was the giant pot would cook artichokes and corn forever. There was a forever but not for everything.

That is life in a nutshell. Then, the way to live a full, happy life is to figure out what goes when and what stays forever. Sometimes we get confused with these things that have a shelf life - we want to keep the cookie sheets of life forever, yet ignore the big old pot, that is always around. Worse than that, Sometimes, we hold on to the burned, never to be used again 1 1/2 sauce pan and give it a prominent place in our lives.

Those things we hold so dear - thoughts, habits, the themes that we live our lives around. The way we make choices, how we choose the essential from the important and at the end of the day, what we can live with. That is the stuff of life, and that, is where everyday takes us...

Greyson Chance

This is only the beginning... a few million hits on YouTube Wednesday. Over 8 million hits on You Tube this morning and on Ellen this afternoon. That, my friends, is how we roll as a people now.

reading...

Just finished cruising a forum about reading and whether the Kindle was the way to go. Interesting dialogue as people weighted it about the various types of ebook readers that they have or are wanting. With so many options, there was not a clear winner. The ebook Love seemed to be pretty well spread out

Interesting that this ebook thing popped up some years back but didn't pick up any momentum. Way before Kindle, there was a push but it fell on deaf ears. I remember thinking I was ready then. For me, there is no romance in adjusting my eyes to the new font with each book. Then, there is page turning. Not a big deal in the scheme of things but with every page, extra effort is needed to read those words close to the binding.

Those days are over. I imagine that library and 50 cent books at yard sales will continue for a long time but got to say that being able to read in bed with just the backlight from the Pad while DH sleeps, has made me a new woman.

Had a Nook for a couple days but it was obvious to me, there were issues and quite frankly, they were not the only rodeo in town. I was deciding whether to pull the trigger on the Kindle when I heard that the IPad was on its way. I decided to wait and make my choice after its release. The rest is history.

Here's the thing. The average American buys one book a year. I have been in several bookclubs and it has been very good for me. You read things you might never have read. They are not all winners, but they push you out of your comfort zone and take you where you never would have gone, given the choice. My current bookclub is ladies I have know forever. Got to say I am not sure that knowing each other so well maybe a determent instead of an advantage. A few years back, I started a neighborhood bookclub where I knew no one and it certainly had a different feel. Thinking about doing it again this fall...will see.

Now because of technology, I can download samples of books before having to buy. I've got five on my ebookshelf right now. It is a new way to learn and the possibilities are bigger than we can even imagine. Cruising the App store today, downloaded a free bible app and a few said they are only toting their Pads to church now. Funny, the Message doesn't change, just the messenger...

wishing...

On one corner, Lance Orten sells T-shirts at his stall: across the street is fellow Vietnam vet Duane Jackson, a handbag and scarf vendor. Rallis Gialaboukis has his hot dog cart next to Jackson. And then there is Bullet, the homeless guy who darts from stall to stall, chatting everyone up. Their collective alarms went off when smoke started coming out of a Pathfinder, left with its engine running in front of a phone booth, already conspicuous because it was illegally parked in a bus lane....Time Magazine.

Cops were called, Times Square was evacuated. The people of New York dodged yet another bullet. Had the bomb gone off, it would have been devastating to people, property and anything else in is way. No way to sugar coated it, the intent was to do as much damage as possible to as many as possible.

It took less than 54 hours to identify and catch the offender. It was close, the airplane that he was on, was at the gate, headed for Dubai. At the last minute FBI stormed the plane and the suspect was taken into custody.

Looks like we were right on top of things.
Homeland Security is well and alive in America.
Nice Story, Good Job!

Let's go back to Lance, Duane, Rallis and Bullet. Had they not seen and acted, it would have been a whole different outcome. These four men seemingly had no special training to notice what they did. They could have just stuck with selling their handbags or making more hotdogs, minding their own business. Are they always so vigilant about what is going on around them, noticing when Something seems out of place? Did they talk to each other to see if the others had seen what they had seen individually?

Tells me you don't have to be a brain surgeon to be aware. No special training except to be a student of Life. We are each in situations everyday that no one else but us, see. Not always of an extremist nature, are we aware of what is going on around us? Not talking about living in a state of fear, far from it. The question is what is going on around us and how do we help.

We live in an age of so much unknown but instinctively, have the capacity to see much more than we realize. Whether the danger of the immediate, a overwhelming sorrow or the joy of a child, are we not only in the Moment but in the Moment that is all around us? Thanks Lance, Duane, Rallis and Bullet for the heads up and the life lesson. Wishing it might always be this way...

one on one...

Meeting my lunch companion today and knowing that a big bowl of Tomato Bisque soup awaits, is enough to make me swoon. Add a stimulating conversation where you come home needing to look up a particular parable, is just a added bonus.

I adore parables. Little Stories with Big Meaning. This one from Luke tells about the father whose children has already gone to bed and a man came asking for something to eat. and the father tells the man, The door is locked, my children are all down for tonight, I can't get up to give you anything.

The parable goes on as the man is persistent and comes back, persistently so, to ask for bread. Then the familiar, Ask and you will get, seek and you will find, knock and the door will open. Sunday school teachers that the man asking for food is us. What if... we are the children that God has safely tucked inside? What if we have misinterpreted the parable. Don't know about you but it certainly changes my perception of not only the Story but God Himself. Imagine what else we may need to look at with new eyes, to see beyond what we can see with only our tunnel vision.

I learned this about myself today. Not only do I love to learn, I love to do it one on one. Put me in a big group, and I start to lose perspective. I want to go beyond what I can see to what is possible. Not putting God nor His word in a box. One on one refreshes me. I walk away yearning for more. I probably knew this but today, it clicked. Don't know about you but any time I get another piece of My own puzzle, it is a good day.

Imagine, I am the child, locked up safely in my bed with God watching over me. No need to worry or fret... how does that look in my life right now? Tells me I am not as smart as I think I am and much more loved than I could ever imagine...

the weary kind...

This ain't no place for the weary kind,
This ain't no place to lose your mind,
This ain't no place to fall behind,
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try...The Weary Kind/Ryan Bingham.

When the world is treating you less than civilized or being downright cruel. They should be your theme song. When you think you can't take one more step, remember these words. We are wonderfully made in all our humanness. We call all be bent but not broken if we understand what is at stake.

weary expressive of fatigue. We are all smart enough to know when it is time to rest. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure it out but it does take discipline. Rest, before you get weary. This is going to take some practice, won't be done in a day. If you forget, start all over again. If you choose to ignore the warning and decide to continue on, remember that this world is no place to fall behind. While we are in these lives we have been given, it is no place to lose your mind. I think it is time to limit my time watching the news that is 90% bad. Not sure what you do when it happens in Real Life, like when my kids and gkids experienced a robbery in progress while dining at Costco Friday night? How do you plan for that?

Not talking about tragedy, those expected or those that come at us out of the blue. Just going about your everyday life. The bible says to put on armor of God to protect ourselves - sounds a bit familiar?

This is work, real work. There are preventive measures available for each of us. What is keeping you from protecting yourself? NO discounting the protection of the One who made us, using common sense is not anti God.

This world will make you weary, no doubt. There is a balance between being all you can be and living in a hurricane. Not sure it isn't a balancing act the whole time we are here. Not a task for the weary kind...

debt...

According to a USA Today article about debt, 78% of Baby Boomers have mortgage debt, 59% have credit card debt, and 56% have car payments. It takes a lot of will, discipline, courage and help to slay the debt monster. But it can be done. Imagine how much you could put toward retirement if you just didn't have a stinking car payment? This is how the wealthy really build their wealth. Debt is dumb. Welcome to the real world. Dave Ramsey

This is my generation. My people. How did we get here and what does it mean?

More importantly, what have we taught our kids and grandkids? We live on a modest income, I have told the grandkids when they ask why poppa and I don't have a dog, nana can spend her money on you or a dog...pretty much ends the conversation.

I like the idea of every generation working for the things they want. The Fun Run at Gage's school on Friday was to raise money for playground equipment. They are in a new school and have none. If each kid could get $25 in sponsor money, they will have a new playground next fall. This year, they started the school year with no grass. No grass isn't a big deal until you don't have any or worse, see green stuff growing but also see DON'T PLAY ON THE GRASS! signs every 3 feet.

Between the many Gage fans in the family, he will more than bring his share of the money. Next year when his brother and sister join them at the school, he will tell them he paid for the swing they are on or the piece that they are climbing on and he will be right. Will drive them crazy but he will be right. There is Something to be proud of when you have sacrificed and worked hard to achieve a financial goal. Mayb ewe Big People should run laps and collect money before we buy a new car. Maybe a yard sale to cover escrow costs when we want to buy a new home.

Money will always be an issue in whatever season of life you are in. The trick is to be in control of it instead of it controlling you. Took me a long time to learn that lesson but being a baby boomer and having a mortgage just doesn't make good sense to me...

nourish...

We are all born creative beings. As we grow and develop we either nurture this gift and it flourishes, or we neglect it and our creativity fades into the background of our lives. Our educational system, culture, beliefs and the people surrounding us all add to this. We either tell ourselves or let others tell us that we might go wrong and that fear of being wrong or being stupid makes us grow uncreative, if I may. We are forced to toe an imaginary line, taught to follow an unwritten rule and thus in the process, put an end to our creative aspirations. As Albert Einstein once said “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. Amar Ramesh via Scott Bourne.

After all these years, today when I read this - it all became clear. After years of being in survival mode, even trying to extricate any creativity seemed a waste of time. Buried so deep that nothing short of a miracle could uncover the heaps of debris that would...should never see the light of day.

It has taken my more than a few years to see it in myself. I live with one who is natural creative and since I never saw anything like him in myself, I believed that like being musical - some of us got it and some of us don't. Anyone can learn to play the piano but you can tell when it just flows out of certain people. You can't help but notice, it just seems to surround them.

I think the key word is nourish. When I think about what it means to recognize creativity, nourishment is not far behind. When I see Something, whether a photo or song or anything man-made, I am being nourished. I didn't recognize it before, now it's all I can see.

nourish to cherish, feed, support, educate, suckle, preserve, to nurse, foster, comfort and encourage.

When your needs are met you are able to travel in the realms of creativity and start to bloom.

This Mother's Day, if someone has done this for you, say Thank you. If you are a child who have been a recipent of being nourished, start taking a few risks. If you are a mother, look and see how powerful this can be for your child. If you are the nourisher of your life, make sure you are doing it with all your might and then start acting like one who is ready to fly. Be someone who share something with the world that will create, inspire and maybe even teach others how to nourish those who have been given to them... Happy Mother's Day.

summer mode...

The last of the seniors. Graduation, party, summer. That is the drill. Flip flop are in, socks are out. Long sleeved shirts are put in the back of the closet and the summer tops are moved to the very front. We have had such a cold spring it has been a bit difficult to get aboard the short sleeved train but for me, it more of a biological mode.

I have summer rules.
I have summer food.
I have summer rituals.

I read in different places in the summer. Mostly outside on my porch swing. The mashed potatoes are going and potato salad is in. Our whole menu changes, not to be seen again for 6 months.

Just the like school year, summer is for doing whatever, whenever so any organized gigs are given up until next fall. No commitments in the good old summertime, just another rule.

If the weather starts cooperation, the hot cocoa is gone for a while. The pilot light on the fireplace is turned off and the summer bedding comes out while the heavy comforter hits the linen closet.

I am looking forward to it all. It gives me a bit of my childhood back. I am sure I remember California summers with much more love than actual clarity but nevertheless, it is as much a part of me and as real as it can be.

Even if we have had to wear coats a few days this week, the capri are out and the long pants - gone. Might not be the best look but you can't fight the mode...

Sandy Bullock...

Comedian George Lopez has declared himself "a proud uncle" now that the cat’s out of the bag on his pal Sandra Bullock's secret adoption.

"I am a proud uncle and [my wife] Ann is a proud aunt," Lopez told PEOPLE before hitting the links at his third annual Celebrity Golf Classic Monday morning, thrilled his close friend and the producer of his former sitcom is now a mom to Louis Bardo Bullock. "Sandra is a loving, giving person, and Louis could not be in a better home and she could not be happier." People Magazine.

I never liked Jesse James and quite frankly, I thought he was no good enough for Sandy Bullock. DH has followed Jesse and his motorcycle ways for a long time and he has always, always truck a bad chord with me. Call it woman's intuition and no one was happier than me to see her so happy at the Academy Awards and other events when her love was him was true and pure. I started to believe that I was way off base. Has happened before, and will happen again.

When the news came out, like the rest of the world - was stunned. How could he do that to her after she has declared him a saint, every change she could. If this could be done to her, I don't have a chance. What idiot would let all that love just slip away? Spouses cheat all the time. Is it the thrill of the hunt? Do they really think they aren't going to get caught? Especially those in the media, That is the only place where everyday Joe has a leg up on Jesse James, no one is going to come forward in my neighborhood to talk about cheating and if they did, no one, absolutely no one - would care.

The first thing I thought last week when the news broke about Sandy's baby was, it's is over for Jesse James, My mommy sense told me he has nothing to leverage with. No man bargaining chips trump baby chips. Little Louis is a full house to Jesse's pair of two. A woman who can put all her love and work out her pain by caring for a child who does nothing but love - every man on the planet would be in the same screwed boat. Game over.

I am so happy for her. I imagine George and his wife will make great uncle and aunt for this boy. I also imagine that Jesse James might as well fold this set of cards and move on. She has a new man in her life and with her maternal instincts in full blown mode, he doesn't stand a chance. She is filling the hole in her love heart with one that is as old as time and impossible to fight. Congrats Sandy and Louis, may you have a long and happy life together!

iHappy...

Let's go take some barn pictures for those empty frames in our bedroom, he said, Friday night after dinner.

It started so innocently. Doesn't it always?

Grabbed the camera and headed down the road. Then he decided we should head over to another landmark which now, puts us in grandchildren territory. Call the kids and we will meet up later, So far, so good. By this time we were less than a mile from Best Buy with time to kill. DH had not seen an iPad up close, extra time and since I know they have none in stock and please call back May 25. Sounds good, let's go.

For a Friday evening, BB was pretty quiet and I had warned DH that there may be a line to see the demo one - no line. Three available and no line. We each grabbed one and in a very short time, he was hooked. NO PROBLEM - none in stock...

Until the salesman said, Just got some in, Want one?

We looked at each other... and gave in. Now the proud owners of an iPad. I can now play the accordian, drums and 2 pianos. I can type on a typewriter and even write a book, chapter by chapter. I imagine that this will be my new BFF and change the way I do business. Imagine Someday, it will be the way we all do business and then we will all be iHappy

funny how fallin feels like flyin...for a little while

I was Going where I shouldn't go, Seeing what I shouldn't see, Doing what I shouldn't do, being who I shouldn't be. Fallin' and Flyin' from Crazy Heart/Jeff Bridges/Colin Farrell.

While there is not much Country Girl in me, I swear some of their lyrics feel downright gospel to me. While these exact words are not in the bible, their spirit oozes out of many chapters. Not technically the letter of the law, you would be hardpressed to deny, how true they really are.

Fabulous movie about behavior and consequences. About choice and reality. While drink may not register on your personal scale, I imagine we can each identify by inserting our own issue of choice. Have had countless conversations about why we do what we do and keep doing it for so long? Why does it take so long to learn and why can't we retain what we know to be true?

Why can't everything be as simple as riding a bike. Once you learn, you never, ever forget. You never see ads for refresher courses in bike riding. You learn it once and it sticks. I vote everything should works as well as bike riding. If I ever ran for President, that would be my platform. After a while, it would seems much more valuable than any legislative issues I could promise to fix.

The truth is most of life is not like bike riding, and more like a good country western song. Don't buy into the bad doesn't feel good thing, do yourself a favor and admit that sometimes fallin funny how fallin feels like flyin... for a little while .

correction...

DEAR LORD, THIS YEAR YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTOR, PATRICK SWAYZIE. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE ACTRESS, FARAH FAWCETT. YOU TOOK MY FAVORITE SINGER, MICHAEL JACKSON. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS BARACK OBAMA. AMEN...Facebook.

This was posted by some people who know Jesus. Really know Him. They have been in the trenches with Him concerning life, death and loss. While humor is subjective, this kind is never funny, I don't care who you are.

There are times in all of our lives when we need to make a correction. What we think is what we do, like it or not. You can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time. I am in the middle of making a correction in my life now. One that I thought was a good thing but turned out not to be. Doesn't have to be mind blowing but again, when thinking involves doing then pretty much everything can become a big deal pretty fast. It won't take a lot of work or effort to make the correction, might take some discipline. Anything but discipline... well, considering the Diet Coke experience, maybe it won't be so difficult.

Not sure how of the process where we come to know something needs correction. Wish I could say I had a nice comeback for the Facebook comment. It still burned my britches late last night as I was recounting the experience to DH. He said, maybe they are trying to be funny., even though he agreed, it wasn't.

It doesn't matter if you are a die hard fan of one politcal party or another,
God comes first.

It doesn't matter if you think you have the gift of a stand up comic,
God comes first

It doesn't matter if you have to make a correction to your life to get it right,
God comes first.

Just do it and let's get on with it. Correction made, ready for the next one...

young at heart...

We jumped on the Netflix bandwagon last week and between what comes in the mail and what we can see on the Wii, certainly getting our money's worth.

Last night it was Young At Heart. DH said I was on my own - code for he wasn't interested but he stayed and got hooked in the first few minutes. The average age of the chorus members is 80. The idea was to watch these old people sing rock and roll. No other way to say it and it so works.

You get to see their up and downs. From trying to learn lyrics to sharing each other's health issues. They have a focus on life that one can't imagine until you are there. Some things, you have to wait for. The path you are on is yours, no matter how long or short but the reality is, if you live to a ripe, old age - there are different lessons to learn and sorrows to endure.

Like it or not, life is divided up into sections. Even though the human heart tells us we want the whole Shebang, we will not all get wyat we want. Lives cut short, never getting married, having children or grandchildren. In our own way, we all barter with God for more time... what young at heart taught me was that that goal never goes away. Just a few more years, we ask in our golden years. Some things never change...

making your world bigger...

What does that look like for you? For me with my happy little world, it usually takes a lot for me to even notice when it is happening. There is a difference between seeing the Big Picture and making your world bigger. To me, it is like night and day.

I learn visually but I comprehend from the written word. I pay attention best when I listen to a speaker whether live or on the internet. Have been spending some time with Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz, listening to podcasts and got to say, they are making my world bigger. This is where I lack. This is where I need the most help. This is where if I keep looking, I imagine my life would change.

I woke up this morning as a dream from my small world was ending. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. The things we all mourn from Days Gone By. It is mornings like these that my world gets smaller. If only, wish things were different...the places we all get stuck every once in a while. Funny that today is should also be about making my world bigger. No accident I imagine. How better to learn than when it is fresh in your mind. The delightful thing is the one I woke up with is fading as the ideas are running around in my mind.

As I watched Keaton, Gage and their friends, I thought, these guys are the future and it is looking pretty good to me. I love boys so. Not much going on behind the scenes. They laugh, have fun and I have got to say that driving home with four boys singing Bachman Turner Overdrive's, Taking Care Of Business with the radio cranked, is quite the time. We were all jamming and they let me into their little boy world for just a Moment. Quite a Moment because my world got a little bigger. A few more like these, and I will be on the right track...

when listening is too easy...

I heart Steve Almond...to a point. He wrote a terrific piece about iTunes and when his new book, Rock and Roll Will save Your Life , comes out later this month, I will be one of first to stand in line for a copy.

When I first encountered iTunes, I was agog. After amassing music, I had more than 4000 albums, most of them stacked in my basement.

oh boy, a guy after my own heart.

Not only was my musical archive more organized, it was portable too. Thanks to the wonders of the ever -shrinking iPod, I could carry thousands of songs with me whenever I went on a device barely larger than a postage stamp...I'm pretty sure I would have proclaimed you the Messiah.

Heaven, I'm in heaven...

But for all the joys of such wizardry I've been experiencing a creeping sense of dread recently about iTunes... SAY WHAT!

...I considered listening to am album am activity i and of itself, It is not something I did while working on homework, let alone while checking em-mail or thumbing out text message.

This is where the Amish come in... wait for it. Mr Almond goes on to explain his view that music is pure and that we are moved it to the background. Filling our real lives with technology and leaving the joy of music behind. He couldn't be further from the truth. Sue Bender, Plain and Simple, taught me much about the Amish that I will never forget. God might have not heard my prayers to become Amish but by adoption, I will always be one of them and this is what she taught me.

For the Amish, everything is a ritual.
Doing the dishes
Mowing the lawn
baking bread
quilting, canning, hanging out the laundry,
picking fresh produce, weeding
no distinction is made between the sacred and the everyday

No distinction is made between the sacred and the everyday...

That is what Mr Almond is missing. The music is part of the everyday now and there is no us and them, it is we. It is the way life should be. My experience has been I am better at life when I remember the sacred and the everyday. Here's more.

Not knowing and learning to be comfortable with not knowing, is a great discovery.

Leave room for the unexpected

It's time to celebrate the lives we have

I spent a great deal of time living vicariously thru Sue Bender and the Amish. They changed my life. Mr Almond has it half right, now he just has to go celebrate the life he has...

when listening is too easy...

happy days

It has been 3 weeks since the loss of Diet Coke at my house. Make no mistake, it has been a huge loss. In all fairness, I confess I have allowed myself, one a week. Never at a time when I feel the Need, just the opposite. Mexican food, my favorite is just not the esame without it. That has made me crazy.

The 21 day rule about changing a habit just doesn't work for me. I have to be convinced not conned. Had already been watching the Jamie Oliver Revolution but slowly became convinced that some things other than the DC needed to change. I had gotten away from making food from scratch and last week, that all changed.

I made salad dressing and ice cream at home. My Vita Mix can make ice cream in 2 minutes, less if I want a shake and taste better than anything I can buy. That sold me so next I went through my pantry and started throwing processed foods away. No more instant potatoes, cake mixes or frosting. No Rice a Roni or Stove top for us. Late in life to change but most of my life my generation has cooked so I have skills to fall back on. Not sure what this will look like in 6 months but the apprentice ship will be over and either I am on board or have decided, it is not that big of deal. To buy potatoes, take them home - peel, cook and mash when you can do instant, even the good instant ones from Costco, doesn't make sense- until it does and it is really starting to make sense.

Remember Richie Cunningham's mom, Donna Reed and all those 1950's moms? They didn't have treadmills or take classes at the gym yet they were fat or obese. I think the difference was food not exercise. Exercise is great but we can't exercise enough to get these processed food s out of our systems. We could exercise for days at a time and still not get ahead. My mind is telling me the difference is the food and that makes sense to me. Will see how this little experiment works - the next time I need a cake I will make the one I use to make, the Chocolate Mousse one that no one could ever get enough of. Good place to start, that and my ice cream...

how long does it take?

The Kids Grow Up trailer from Copacetic Pictures on Vimeo.

... a lifetime. It takes a lifetime to permanently get use to losing something whether by choice, chance or commitment. Do we really ever adapt? We come to terms with the new normals of our lives but do we ever really get over the losses of our lives? Does the mourning period really ever end? Do we fill the new gaps or simply endure them? Profound yet dubious in nature, I wish I had a permanent answer, like one size fits all...

the wheels are turning...

It occurred to me that when the times change, we have to change with them. With the addition of the iPad into our lives, there are many opportunities coming our way. On PadPundit, Scott Bourne talked about his 99 cent app, new to the iTunes store. Avian, 15 images of assorted birds for your viewing pleasure. Imagine that.

While not a bird fan, I could certainly see myself buying photo apps of diners or carnivals or buildings. I Googled app making(?) and was directed to the iPhone Developer Program on the Apple site. Didn't check it out thoroughly but there seems to be a $99 charge to get started. Not much else required from what I could see. Having a super-smart techie SIL is going to help.

The cool thing is that there is room for everyone. Photos not your thing? do you game? Or Something brand new. While we can't run apps on PC's, the day has to be coming. If it doesn't, app and iPad will take over the world....Just checked the iPad stats and as of a minute ago, 871,169 iPads have been sold in the US since they came out the beginning of April. I can't find one locally so when I am ready to pull the trigger, it will be at the Apple web site.

The core remains the same. We are still getting info, just in a different way and we are still trying to get the word - what ever we have our head wrapped around at any given time. Bulleye's marks the spot, yours and mine. It is a whole new world and I don't want to miss a thing...

got your back...

Had to stop at Albertson's for stamps so was basically, focused. I didn't see Jesus coming right at me. I didn't see her until after, then I remembered everything about her. Have had these Moments before, both when I was paying attention and when I wasn't.

I can tell you she was a little graying brunette woman, with soft circles. I can also tell you she had a light sweater or and had three bags of groceries in her cart. Shortish, nothing particularly memorable about her. Someone you wouldn't give a second glance too - like me,

I can also tell you she was fabulously old school. The days when there were ladies and broads and both camps were happy. She is not afraid of the now, Watch out for number 1 culture because Some things are more important. She cook her food but enjoys a nice dinner out. Not interested in what one else is doing but being a good person is important to her. She definitely belongs in the lady category but with all due respect, there was some great broad in her.

It all happened in a flash but it seemed like a minute. The detail is so vivid, and in that Moment, I knew. It was a small thing. Most people wouldn't have bothered. Wait till she finds out! Can't wait to tell Herbert...

I know it is in the little things. That is where we get bogged down and that is where we are lifted up. The mountain top experiences come and go but the everyday is where we spend 90% of our time. No matter who we are, there is room for improvement. Always.

I didn't see her until she was directly in front of me, when she cupped her hand and whispered in my ear - Honey, your zipper is upzipped... and she kept on going. What a way to start a day. May yours be just as fabulous...

genetics...

You know all the questions you have to answer at the doctor's office about your medical history? Not only all your ailments and surgeries but those of your bio family. Heart attack, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure. Maybe you know and maybe you don't.

While those are a big deal, to me the bigger deal are the traits that may affect you on a more regular basis. You will never convince me that things like needing lots of sleep, having a poor memory and even the pathway to thoughts aren't as genetically connected as physical ailments. How much is environmental or learned behavior, one might ask. I will boldly confess, I think there is much more going on than how you lived as a kid.
Being tenacious, or ornery or kind or loving. This traits come the day you are born and although they appear to disappear during the teenage years, the basic trait of a person is always there and can be traced back to one or more generations.

I see many of these traits in my girl and my grand babies. Many of them, I sit in amazement when they describe the same things I feel.know.say. Things they thought were unique to them. Things we have never talked about. Things you will never find on a questionnaire in a doctor's office. It is part of the Mystery of the genetic code we share with each other. How cool is that?

quitter...

After a real conversation with a friend, I examined myself to see if I was a quitter. I see that label as being negative but am old enough to know that at a certain time in your life, known how to spend your time in a healthy way, will include knowing when to hold em and when to fold them.

Given my thin slicing personality, I tend to give Something a couple of chances and if there appears to be no value, I have no problem moving on. Sometimes, once is enough. From my perspective, there seems to be a fine line between hanging in there and exit, stage left. Not sure there is an easy answer, wish there was.

Whether a relationship or activity, deciding to commit your time and attention for any length of time, takes some serious and honest thought. When is enough, enough? If you aren't getting anything out of it, should you stay because it is helping someone else and how can you tell the difference?

Wanting to be aware, I will continue in the best way I know. Mistakes, sure will make a gob of them. In this lifetime, you will never be the teacher - always the student. If you think you have learned it all, you are in some serious trouble. Questioning yourself is essential to good mental health. It is not always their fault, sometimes, it will be your turn to be wrong. Just be aware of the possibility and when it is time to act or apologize, do it and do it fast.

Pondering all these things makes the tattoo thing thing look easy...or not. Imagine never having to imagine...

the experience of being aware...

It started last night as I lay in my bed and realized that being with this man who has shared 38 years of nights with me, was a pure gift. It was an awareness that I have had from time to time. Most nights there is not much awareness and some nights, I couldn't have been in that state of mind, for many reasons, no matter what.

It is almost like experiencing moments of clarity. Moments when you realize that it won't always be this way. Moments when you realize there is more time behind you than ahead of you. It can bring a small sense of loss but mostly it provides time for understanding a bit more of what this life has to offer. It may convince you to take that giant leap of faith or encourage you to make a chart correction to the life you are living now.

This awareness thing continued on today. During our senior shoot, watching Hayley and H at Donnie Mac's. The little things of life that go by and we miss. They seemed to be so crystal clear today. Like little bits of time being suspended so I could get a good look at them. It was a strange sensation and one I hope that comes again.

It was a good day. I expect the day will end the way it did last night. Will I see it the same way I did last night? Not sure but looking forward to it anyway...

it's the time of the season...

You can feel it, even smell it. It comes at the same time every year and whether you are a participant or parental unit or casual observer of life, signs of it are everywhere, Coming up here pretty quick for a small percent of our population yet everyone or nearly everyone, will experience it in a lifetime. There might have been a little ceremony at the end of kindergarten or a slight acknowledgement between jr high and high school but nothing like this. Pictures, announcements, parties and more parties.

The last year has been spent figuring out where to go from here and the paths to that Journey are as diverse as we are from each other. The class of 2010 will stand alone in its ability to see the future and what it holds. The newest generation to put glee club and grade 12 behind them also takes the ipad and whatever else is coming to change the world as we know it and make it happen. The possibilities are endless as are their choices. The world is changing at an incredible speed and we are not only along for the ride but are reinventing what that ride will be like.

One of my favorite commencement speakers, Anna Quindlen says in A Short Guide to a Happy Life, Life is made of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won't happen. We have to teach ourselves how to live, really live..to love the journey, not the destination...

As the class of 2010 takes it final victory lap in the next 30 plus days, may the wonder they knew as a child, take them on the next part of the Journey. May you guys realize and more importantly, live like anything is possible but more so than any other class, that is the truth. As real as real can be...

simon says...

It occurred to me this morning as I was at Miss M's preschool that maybe it was time to play Simon Says. It was Miss M's birthday and her mommy was the teacher, and I, the helper. I thought it was just me but later when the teachers remarked that it was quite the Monday, realized it wasn't just me and the kids were indeed, bouncing off the walls.

At one point as the boys were going wild and the rain outside made it impossible to send them out for some much needed outside play, playing Simon Says seemed like a possible diversion for a few minutes. I haven't thought about Simon Says in forever. A non-tech game that is dependent on listening and remembering. I remember when the first electronic one came out. Loved it ...at first. Then with a long string of colors and beeps, it left me behind in the dust. As I sat there wondering if these 4 and 5 year olds had ever heard of SS, it occurred to me that it may not be the best choice for them.

We all play Simon Says in every season of our lives. Sometimes as just a game - for fun and Sometimes, for Real. It dawned on me that the Church, with all it faults, has been guilty of playing Simon Says not only on a regular basis but never for fun. You are in the game...as long as you do exactly what Simon says. The minute you deviate from the strict system that Simon has created, you are out of the game. You could probably say it is the same system that prisons and schools use to keep their charges in line. Does it work? Those who learn the rules and abide by them without thought, learn very little. Those who don't or can't learn, have a hard go of it.

Maybe Simon Says isn't the best thing to teach children. Maybe Simon Says isn't good for any of us. All I know is this morning I woke up thinking it was a harmless game and now, I am not so sure...

the green-eyed monster...

The green-eyed monster. We all experience it from time to time. It starts when we are very young and it is my experience that the monster gets smaller the older you get. This weekend, I experienced it in two completely different ways and lived to tell about it.

The first one had to do with a camera. Camera envy to be exact. Morgan shared her birthday tea party with a friend and that friend has a mommy who has a camera worth envying. A nice lens too. We took turns taking pictures and while I am very happy with my camera, I found myself thinking - what if?

I realized pretty quick that what if can get you in trouble fast and worse than that, gratitude goes out the window. I could have a bigger camera with L glass - if I am willing to go back to work. If I am willing to give up the freedom of dropping everything to go anywhere I need to go, on a moment's notice. Makes that camera look less and less appealing. Within a few minutes, the green-eyed monster was gone.

The other envy was a bit less physical and more emotional. As I watched this little girl whose blood is the same as mine - having the time of her life, I wanted to be a little girl. I wanted to share this with her in a way that is no longer possible. I wanted to be one of the gang - I wanted have a seat with a balloon and a cupcake at the party. I forgot, for just a moment, that taking pictures was probable the most fun I have ever had in my life. Again, the lack of gratitude was painfully apparent and brought me back to reality pretty quickly. Pretty quickly, indeed.

The green-eyed monster will raise its ugly, little head from time to time. Testing the waters, looking for an way in. Just like temptation, envy is not a sin unless it takes hold for the long haul. In someways when it pops into our lives, we have an opportunity to learn Something and for that one reason, I am so very grateful...

Tea Party ...

The Tea Party extravaganza for Morgan and Ava was quite the success. The girls were besides themselves most of the two hours and even got some trampoline action in their pretty dresses.

The brain child of my girl, she shared duties with Ava's mom for what was Something I dare say every girl (of any age) loved being a part of. Those of us who helped, got as much out of it as the little girls did.

There is just something magical about a tea party, no matter how old you are. The little sandwiches cut into flower shapes, the cupcakes with jelly bean flower petals and the small details that make the table come to life. Add a little planting action in delightful little tea cups and you have for a wonderful experience.

Morgan will always remember this day. She won't remember that her dad worked tirelessly hanging paper lanterns and the canopy or that her poppa spent some time putting petals on her cupcakes but the Love that she felt will represent it all and we, none of us would have missed it for anything. Happy 5th Birthday Miss M, we all love you so...

making a change...

It has been four days since I have had a Diet Coke.

Four long days. No full fledged crying but there have been tears.

This was not an overnight decision and if you have been around me for more than 5 minutes, you know what big a deal this is. Has been and will be. Years ago when I was going to ACOA, (Adult Children of Alcoholic) an AA sponsor pulled me aside and said to me,

You know you are an alcoholic...even if you never take a sip?

I knew it before she said it. In childhood, it manifested itself in food. Long before I knew anything about anything, I knew about my sweet tooth. Through thick and thin, it has never left me. Talk about a lifelong partner, this one can be counted on just like clockwork.

Back to the Diet Coke, the short Story is the kids gave up pop for Lent and their parents decided to make it permanent. In good conscious, I can't drink pop in front of them and with a 5 can/Sonic Route 44 habit most days, maybe it was time. I always still have a drink in my hand but I have missed it most during my two Mexican meals this week. I can't tell you how deflated and empty I have felt. Ice tea at Flying M -it really was ok but you start to realize how much Something can take over your life.

So trying to find my way this week. The kids and I have such a history with Sonic. It is one of the things we do. We talk and have fun - many memories have been made there. We haven't been there in a while. We will see if that will continue or if we will fill the time doing something else.

Many things will change. Making a change is not easy otherwise we would do it more. One thing that will not change is paying $4.50 for a bottle of water at the movies. Never have, never will...

earthquakes...

Is it just me or have you noticed that every few days or so, there is a 5.0 or better earthquake somewhere. This afternoon, it was a 7.7 in Indonesia. A few days ago, it was on the Mexico/California border.

Obviously, Haiti is still in the news and there seems to be some kind of Haiti relief project still making the rounds on the Internet. but life goes on, Dancing With The Stars and American Idol still rule the airwaves and trying to buy a IPad is going to take some patience.

It is not in my nature to predict doom and gloom but I find this underlining weather phenomena to be up close and personal. The Mexicali one is the first in the US and that may be why we have not thought too much about the string of events but ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

Maybe because I am always aware that there is more going on than what I see. Realizing that we live a one dimensional state in a multi dimensional world. Some of us are tuned into different paths. I wish everything was warm & cozy. That is where I am the most comfortable but I also know, that is not Real Life.

Today I remarked to a friend who has recently moved back to California, that when the Big One hits there, she will have to run back to Idaho and enjoy the beach front property that will finally be ours. Never thought it would happen in my lifetime but it is starting to look like a distinct possibility...

he owes me $225.00...

I saw him at No Greater Love and my immediate response is the same it has been for over 15 years - he owes me $225.00. Not his name or his family, just about how he did me wrong.

He has had many jobs and fixing TV's was one of them. It was the Days when we thought hiring somebody from the church was a good thing to do. He came, said it was fixed, got our money and left. That night, the TV was still broke and we were out a gob of money. We called him, he assured us he would come back...never saw him again except around town. We have seen him around town, even talked to him but he never showed up to try the repair again or refunded our money.

After 2 1/2 hours of NGL and the Easter sermon about forgiveness, it is time to not just let it go but forgive him. It is time to change my view, change my thought process and let this man go. Let the whole thing go - think of all the time I have wasted being mad and reliving it everytime I see him. Maybe the difference is I am ready now. I don't want to continue this, I want to forgive and forget. What I really want is the next time I see him, I want there to be no pain, hurt or anger. It is a step I want to take. Baby steps, first him and then on to others. Funny, the big hurts in my life, I have forgiven - it's the little ones I struggle with. I need to start here, with him and now...

back to normal...

Easter festivities are behind me but still linger in the corner of my mind. Saturday night, we took the boys to No Greater Love. Gage, for the first time, was somewhat in awe. If you not local, NGL is a 31 year old Easter pageant complete with live animals and a whole community of actors that weave a story within The Story. Must have been a hit - as we walked out to the car, Gage wanted me to buy tickets for next year now.

Easter Sunday was filled with much joy. The kids made quite a haul between two sets fo grandparents, their aunt and uncle and mommy and daddy. What did they love the most? Bubbles. Even though it was a less than warm day, they spent 15 minutes outside blowing and chasing bubbles. There was an attempt to take some formal Easter pictures but it didn't work out. That is ok. I have a collection of 15 or so pictures of pure Easter Joy and that is good enough for me. It reminds me of what Easter is about and more importantly, what do we take with us as we go back to normal? Is there anything we realized we no longer need that is just taking up space? What is not working for us anymore and what is?

Can it be as simple as chasing bubbles? Do we make it so difficult that it is too hard to understand or even implement? Do we overthink the important and unthink the essential? These two icons remind me of what I need to know. Seemingly olar opposites, they seen seamless to me and that is what I am taking into this week...

Holy Friday and the IPad...

Keep thinking about good and holy, and decided to make the permanent switch to Holy Friday. In that light, I woke up Friday, ready to embrace the day. Jumped on the Super Highway and got the first blast of IPad-ness. It was downhill from there.

To say that I am excited about the IPad is like saying, I like ice cream. It so does not come close. I have been too excited to sleep a few night, contemplating how it will change our lives, not just mine but all of us. I have been on board since Steve Jobs announced it in January, I got on lists and have been waiting ever since. It will feel right and it will be glorious.
I kept coming back to Holy Friday. I wanted to no only be but stay in the Moment but I kept being redirected by the Shiny. I hate that I can lose focus so quickly and Friday was just a another reminder of how so quickly I turn into Peter. I know it in my heart but when I see myself living it out, it is not one of my finer moments.

By the end of the afternoon, I started to get my head on straight when the phone rings. There was a IPad with my name on it at the MacLife store if I still wanted it. My heart leaped and missed a few beats but I knew the answer... Not Today. I would never be able to forgive myself if I bought it so I told the nice man to give it to the next person. There are just some things you know you have to do and if you don't, it will always be with you.

Don't know when the IPad will be fitting neatly into my little hands but I know when it does, it will be the right time.Later that evening, the battle seemed to die down. No more competion in my mind and the day ended as I wanted it to, with Holy Friday bathing my soul. Couldn't have ended any better. Thank Angie for the new perspective and thanks for taking me along to the Stations of the Cross and Veneration. Someday, I hope to see for myself...

resurrection...

Resurrection: Rob Bell from The Work of Rob Bell on Vimeo.

I want to be a Catholic...

this Easter.

I know it sounds strange but considering I wanted to be Amish for a real long time, praying and praying for it to be so - this seems to not be so very strange.

A wonderful friend was explaining to me the Holy Week schedule of her church and I found myself, aching for what she was going to experience this Easter. I love that her church calls Good Friday, Holy Friday. The difference between good and holy is what is calling me this Easter. I would be the first to agree that long term, unless the Catholics start having rock and roll Mass, we probably would not have a chance of hanging out for an extended period of time but going with the theory that maybe we weren't meant to pull all our church eggs in one basket, this might be just what I need.

When she told me about the completely dark church with candles at the Saturday Easter Vigil, I felt the unquenched thirst that comes to each of us from time to time. The thing is, I didn't even know I was thirsty until the words came out of her mouth. There are times we are completely unaware that we need nourishment yet it makes itself clearly known. When I stayed with my MIL while she was dying and the LDS church came in and smothered us with Love, I felt the same thing, even told my pastor I was jumping ship and why.

I decided a long time ago that is was Jesus first, church - farther down the list. I am in Catholic state of mind this Easter and maybe, I already in some strange way, have embraced the ritual and formality that I desperately seek, no matter what church I attend this Sunday. May Easter bring your heart what you hunger and thirst for, fill and even overflow wherever you need it too. Happy Easter.