walk a mile in my shoes...

I am in the middle of editing over 800 wedding photos. Needed a break and this picture just makes me happy. One should not have 800 pictures but we wanted to get it all and I think we did...and then some.

My shoe wardrobe includes Birkenstock, flip flops and crocs. When I knew I had this wedding, Brandi said I needed some wedding shoes and lent me a pair of hers. Cute little strappy things with a small heel. Very small heel. When I got dressed for the wedding, I got my dress on and grabbed my cute little sandal - thingey and off I went.

Now, I haven't worn anything with any kind of heel in a very long time. Throughout the wedding, my feet would remind me of that. Apparently it was a warning - a warning that I didn't heed until it was too late. As the bride and groom drove off to start their new life, I told my feet we were close to being done. It wasn't soon enough.

Got home and as I sat down, I couldn't feel my feet. Soon there was pain from the bottom of my feet to my waist. Sharp pains were shooting up my legs and I was a unhappy camper. As I sat there wishing the pain to go away - I thought about the walking in each others shoes deal and realized that will I could describe the pain to someone, they would really be able to understand if they had never wore shoes that they shouldn't have. I thought about all the times that I thought someone should do or that. As the pain continued, I decided to retire from figuring out how everyone else should be walking and just take care of myself. Good plan - can't wait to start it.

My legs are back to normal - now it is my sore hindend from sitting in a computer chair too long. Gilda Radner was right, It's always something. Better get back to my pictures - they won't sort and filter themselves...

going to the chapel and we're...going to get married

Dear Israel and Charissa,

Tomorrow is your wedding day. Not just the day you have been planning these last few months, you two have been preparing for this your whole lives. First, it was the little boy in Kindergarten who thought you are the cutest thing, ever. Then it was the little girl who played on your baseball team who can knock the ball out of the park, and you are so in awe of her.

Junior high comes and you think he is the most gorgeous thing you have ever seen. You see her in the midst of her friends and wish you could talk to her alone. You make it to high school with your hearts in one piece and think how silly you were in 8th grade - high school is where your soul mate will be found.

There are a select few that do find soul mates in this most unusual of places but most do not. It is a different world for you two. The internet, My Space, text messaging - a bit more difficult but it has been good to you. You found each other and soon, your life together will start.

Marriage will be the hardest thing you ever do. It will be easy at times and at times, it will be unbearably difficult. When you look at your wedding photos and watch the video, it will certainly bring up feelings of warm fuzzies but warm fuzzies are short-term gratification. Try to remember that Jesus was sitting in a chair that morning. He watched as you exchange vows to cherish, love and take care of each other - for better or worse, richer or poorer. When the hard times come, take them to Him. Remember, He was there and is always, always willing to listen.

It is going to be a beautiful day. Israel, from the first time you see your bride on your wedding day and Miss Charissa, when you stand before the mirror, ready to meet your groom - the memories of all your childhood WhoamIgoingtomarry questions, will be answered. The road to a new chapter will began for you. Blessings, and all my love...zalaine.

the power of me...

David Letterman makes 40 million a year, Jay Leno - 23 million. Dave makes more because CBS had to woo him from NBC. Katie Couric makes more than Brian Williams and Charlie Gibson, even though she has the least viewership. Oprah makes 423 million a year - imagine that. Chad and Steve who started You Tube less than 2 years ago - sold it a while back to Goggle for 1.6 billion dollars. Pretty good investment for 2 years work.

It is pretty obvious that most of these people could have worked for 45 minutes and retired to a desert island, living the life of luxury and never work another day their entire life but it must not be about money. How many million do you need? How many billion do you need? That tells me that they are working for another reason. If not money, then what? What would make a person continue? The only thing that makes sense is the power of me...

You don't have to make millions to to be absorbed in the power of yourself but it is a little more difficult. I was raised by folks who had no financial means but still had an air about themselves. They truly believed they were better than most folks. Sometimes I think that arrogance kept them going when it would have been easier to give up. It was kinda of like, we could if we wanted to...but we don't want to. That same power that saved them emotionally, hurt them terribly, spiritually.

I spend a fair amount of time trying to balance having too much or too little self esteem. If one is off balance in either direction, trouble soon follows. I want to feel that God has Something for me if I open the door for Him and that I am teachable, willing and grateful. I also want to be aware that if I won't do something, there is someone that will. I am not indispensible nor the one and only. I am a part of His Plan and He loves me. If I can accept that and live my life with that conviction, the power of me, can become less. I know it will always be a process and I won't always make the right choice.

One of my favorite photography quotes is from Diane Arbus, I really believe there are some things which nobody would see unless I photographed them. We are each here to tell a Story. The only power that any Story should hold is Jesus. It is His Story told thru our lives. Because we are all different, our Stories will all be different but will all be going in the same direction.

Most of the time, I am very well aware that this blog is not mine. Once in a while, I forget. I love the photos, the layouts and the Stories and can't wait to share. This ER journey has always been about me learning to live in the moment - if I stop showing up for class - the journey is over. For now, I will continue to tell My Story and do my mighty best to keep the power of me, to a minimum...

no room 4 faith...

Caught the trailor several times and have been mildly intrigued over Holly Hunter's new show, Saving Grace. It started last night with an MA rating - mature audience, didn't know there was such a thing for TV. I am not recommending the show, there was a few sex scenes that were way over the top but I understand why they were added.

Holly's character Grace is a rough, mean, lack of all things good kind of gal. She is cop who sees the worst of the worst. She cusses like a sailor and is sleeping with her married partner. She is living a hard and dangerous life. I couldn't helping thinking of her as a prodigal daughter. We hear the Story of the prodigal son but not many of the details. Adding the visual to the Story - seeing and experiencing the depths of a out of control life, gave me a new perspective of the prodigal son.

Grace comes to a crossroads in her life when she kills a man with her car. As she is giving him CPR and realizes he is already dead, she calls out for God ....and Earl shows up. Earl is a good old boy, tobacco-chewing angel, complete with wings. He tells her that God sent him and if she asks, she will get another chance, a chance to redo the evening. The rest of the show Grace is trying to figure out if she is crazy...or not. Earl shows up whenever and wherever he wants. At one of their meetings, she is angry and lashes out at Earl with all the Why questions in her life. The same questions we all ask.

Why was I molested by a priest?

Why was my sister killed in the Oklahoma bombing?

Why do all these bad things happen?

And Earl, being the good angel that he is, looks at her and says, " I can give you all the answers but if I give you the answers, there would be no room for faith".

I sat and stared at the TV. For me, this one liner brought me to my provebial knee. I had asked my own Grace questions for as long as I can remember. So, what if this Jesus thing is all about faith? Room for faith, is this what it is all about. Earl is right, if we had all the answers, faith wouldn't exist. How would that change our relationship with Him? Is faith more important than answers? Maybe I have been barking up the wrong tree...

I have packed that sentence around with me all day. I know, it is just TV. The wild ride with Grace will be ongoing. I admit, I can't wait to see what happens next week. Just like me, Grace's journey will be one step forward and three steps back. I didn't live a life like Grace but I was raised by those who were Grace incarnate- maybe that is the draw for me, feels like home. Until then, I am gonna have a little talk with Jesus and see about a faith tune-up...

life artist...

Got my mail and the new CK scrapbook magazine was in the box. I flipped thru the pages over lunch and stopped when I got to Ali Edwards's, Life Art section. Unlike those quizzes in mags that always try to help you identify a personality trait or figure out what your love color is, this one caught my eye...

A life artist is someone who does one of the following:

scrapbooks
takes photos
creates altered books
writes a blog.

Four for four - I kept reading. She went on to explain that Life Art is about attitude - ideas that make life easier, richer and better. Life Artists go with the flow, celebrate something every day, cherish the little stuff and tell their Stories. They also understand they must enjoy the Process, not make things more complicated than they need to be and find their voice.

Now I can add Life Artist to my growing resume which already includes Domestic Goddess and Nana Extraordinarie. I am not boasting by the use of the word Extraordinarie which the dictionary defines as, a special purpose. As far as the DG, no exaggeration is needed - I am ALL that and a bag of chips.

Titles mean very little to me but if I can learn more about myself, I will accept it. Life Artist - it just doesn't sound anal enough. Maybe that is the point. I am in love with the art of Story Telling. Whether by word, or photo or scrapbook page - the ability to tell a Story in an instant, with a moment and evoke a tear or a smile - is the greatest joy I can imagine. I think that is why I am drawn to Jesus and His parables. I read them over and over and devour them. While they are tough to accept, they give us such a Real picture of our lives and what to expect. I guess that would make Jesus the ultimate Life Artist and if it is good enough for Him, it is good enough for me...

a good day...

Brandi called Saturday night and said Gage was having Big Time eye issues. Gooey green stuff in the corners and he was asking for meds to make the hurting stop. It was late, almost 9PM, and not much anyone could do. I couldn't believe it - Friday was the Chad and Brandi's 10th wedding anniversary so I had spent the night with the kids and never saw anything wrong with his eye. We had a wedding reception to go to in the afternoon so after cinnamon rolls for breakfast and pizza for lunch, we started getting ready. The boys are pretty easy, Miss M takes a bit more time - she has so much hair now, it takes a little longer. You would think with me wearing pigtails or ponytails 7 days a week, I would be better at it - yet, that would not be the case.

Mommy and daddy came home early - they didn't think it was fair that I had the three kids by myself to take to a social event. I know Keaton was disappointed - he was looking forward to cake and like his nana, we don't miss many opportunities that are cake-related. They went their way and I went to the reception by myself. I remember standing on the big wrap around porch at Brandi and Chad's wedding, thinking where we would all be 10 years from now and which of my friend's kids wedding would I be going to. It didn't come in the order that I expected. The reception this weekend and the wedding coming up this weekend - they all went thru my mind on the porch on that night. Doesn't seem like 10 years ago - how did it go so fast?

Well, Mr One Eye woke up today and only had a slit to see out of. Dr D and Mrs D were too kind, we followed them to their office and they fixed him up. Because he was such a good boy and did everything that Dr D asked, we left to have a celebration snack at Sonic. He had brought his army stuff so we ordered our snack and laid out our army stuff right their at Sonic and had a great time. As we are playing, Gage looks at me and say, This is a Good Day!

Can't argue with that kind of logic. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be spending a Sunday morning at Sonic , playing army and having a Hot Fudge sundae plus a Diet Coke with the greatest 4 yr old in the world, I would have said, That will be a Good Day!

stretchiiiiiiiiiiiiing....

Our tree died literally over night. All the way to the top in an instant. Some kind of bug they tell me. It took exactly 22 minutes and $150 dollars to go from the first picture to the last. As I watched the evergreen drama unfold, it occured to me that the tree process is one we could learn from.

When we need to prune, to cut away the dead leaves - those things in our lives that have broken us, hurt us and need to go - it is a process. We don't cut a tree down and leave the stump. Like the tree, maybe we need to flex one direction, then the other and then back again. There is Something about being flexible that helps us in the letting go process. After the tree is down, the stump - with a little help from a proverbial ax, the entire tree, root system and all - is gone.

I was cruising ITunes this afternoon and the first comment on Chris Rice's, Come To Jesus, was from Miss A.

Usually, I'm not into christian music. Ok, I'm never into religious music. Seriously, I'm a lesbian and who doesn't attend church. I know some might find that offensive but just listen to this next part. Although I don't live my life according to the way some feel I should, I do believe in God. I more so believe in God after listening to this album....I don't know if I would be here right now if it wasn't for this album.... Bending, stretching and being flexible. All a part of the process.

The front yard looks a little empty. It will for a while. The nursery said not to plant anything until early September - it is too hot now. Whatever the replacement is, it will never be the same again. Another part of the Big Picture and that constant change thing. Wish it was that obvious in my life - a brown tree in the middle of a green yard. Maybe it is and I am choosing not to look. I hope my flexability starts at the front door and that when it is my time to prune - I will remember this lesson.

outstanding...

This is the field that we stood in to take pictures of the EM house. I already knew these - Outstanding is his field shots would need to be a part of the day and Keaton obliged me. Vast amounts of land that make your heart just yearn for more. There is Something about being in places where there is ... less. It really makes outstanding simple, as it should be.

I have had many outstanding moments this week and most of them I never would noticed a few years ago. It has taking time and effort to find the outstanding that surrounds me. And although it was great fun following EM around, if I had to chose between all the photos I took of the event or of this sweet boy being outstanding, there is no contest. I always thought the outstanding had to be Big. Fireworks and TV time. It has been a process for me to find that it is just the opposite.

Outstanding - the dictionary definds it as standing out. It takes time and value to see that outstanding, at its best, is vibrant and simple. A beautiful flower, a child's face and kind word from a friend. It really doesn't take much. It really doesn't - to be outstanding. Look around, I bet it has been around you all week. Look, even the otters get it...

community...

Act Naturally. As Eduardo and Paige walked thru the crowd, the rest of us were busy acting naturally. Not sure I could work in TV World but think I may have a career as a stalker photographer. Eduardo - I love ya man!

When we first got there the band was in full swing, so we grabbed our little share of concrete and joined the fun. Kids, young and old took to the stage and it was contagious. It started to occur to me that we should join in the celebration. There are some photos of Miss Mel and me dancing to Glory Train in someone's camera. It was a time of freedom and being part of this one-in-a-lifetime community. I can't tell you how much fun it was and I laughed like I haven't in a long time.

This has been a great week for me. I have lived vicariously thru this whole event. It is the kind of community that I crave. It has been Grace in action to me. People are nicer, like they are at Christmas. You can't help but be. All the bad stuff that we are bombared with daily in the news takes its toll. I needed this breath of fresh air to remind me that it is not all bad.

The dancing - for a brief moment, I was a kid again. Whatever it looked like, however bad - I danced with complete joy. The cares of the world were nowhere near me. I was untouchable.

Funny, the places you find refreshment. I would have thought with the weather we have been having that water would be my best friend but what I didn't know until last night was that I needed to do a little dance...

Bus Driver, Move that bus!

It was 99 degrees last night and we got in line about 715PM to ride the bus out to the Middleton Extreme Makeover house. Our nice tour lady explained that Ty had gone to Corvalles, Oregon and that the other designers had gone to take pictures of the Idaho sign near Ontario and would pick up Ty and bring him back to the site. They said he got there as we were all shuttled back to the high school, the end of the spectator train so the crew could kick it into high gear.

It really was fun. There is a lot of nothing on TV and this little program makes you feel good about what we can do when we act as a community. The shuttle bus was filled from people from all walks of life. The kids were hot but loved the adventure. The reveal will be on Wednesday between 1-3PM, 5 PM at the latest. Most other families go on vacation while their houses are being built but these guys went to a children's hospital to find out more about their 4 children's rare conditions. It is truly a labor of love and seeing people at their finest. I have never seen so many volunteers in my life. The show will air Oct 14 and we will get to see the Big Picture.

Tomorrow night is the Hoedown with all proceeds to help the family with medical costs. Cameras in tow, we are ready to party!!!

I can have whatever I want...

After church we had decided to go see the Ty and the Extreme Makeover house in Middleton. As we sat in church and thought about it being his only day off in a long time - I realized he would probably rather go to the new Harley Davidson store. When I asked him which he would rather do, he laughed ...and we wound up at the HD store.

This man rode a motercycle when I met him and wants to again. All these years, I would never let him. I am now finally at the point and as I have told him, a man should be able to pick the way he is going to go ( just kidding). We did a little more than just look. Before you know it, we had filled out a credit ap and they were finance shopping.

For those of you like me, who didn't understand that a motorcycle is considered a luxury item, it has a higher interest rate than most everything else - 13.99% and after you add all the doo dads that you need to protect this bike, you could make a house payment. An hour and 1/2 later, we are sitting in the sales manager's office going over options. My first option was to point out that you could get a home equity loan for half the interest. The sales manager said that was a great option but having a HD loan would improve our credit score. We sat and listened to all he had to say but I knew the final choice would be DH. I had already explained to him that he would have to delay his retirement to pay for said bike and have to find a way to come with $1000 to cover tax, license, windshield and helmet but I still knew he would have to make the final decision.

He still had to visit his dad so we told them we needed a few minutes to think it over and headed out the door. He had already made his decision but needed time for his brain to catch up to his heart. He just couldn't do it. Not to us or our finances or to his retirement. We talked more about it after his visit and he said, I can have anything I want if I am willing to pay for it. For him, the cost today, was too high.

He will have a motorcycle again someday. Probably not a new one but something that he will like. We all have those same decisions to make everyday. We all have to stare at that financial sheet and decide if we can afford the payments to whatever It is for us. I am still glad I gave up my Ty day. A friend and I had planned on going tomorrow but I have a sick little boy and I wouldn't give up trying to get him well for all the Extreme Makeovers in the world. We can all have whatever we want, if we are willing to pay for it. You just have to decide what you can afford...

the Armor...

I am usually not one to review any given week but find myself taking a big look back. I have been so busy just trying to march on, organize and not get freaked out. The weather has been over 100 degrees all week and the Big Picture has been pushed to the background quite a bit this week.

One of my favorite times of the day is about 7 AM when DH leaves for work and I lay in my comfy bed and let my mind wander. Whatever, whoever comes to mind. It is a time of praise and prayer. A time of thanksgiving and awe. It is a time that I truly cherish. It seems the Big Picture is clearer on those days - something like putting on the Armor.

I wished I had remembered putting on the Armor a few times this week. I used to have a 4x6 card on my bathroom mirror that would remind me to do just that - may have to do that again. I think we were given those instructions for a reason - and in today's world, I need all the help I can get. One of the things my dad use to say about religion is that it was for the weak - for those who needed a crutch and there was no place for cripples in our family. We were better than that.

Seems so sad and long ago, now. So much to unlearn, on so many levels. I once heard someone say that Christianity was more about unlearning that learning. For me it seems to be a little of both and when I have a week such as this one, weakness that seems like a negative is really a positive in disguise for I am on top of my game when I am down on my knees.

So thank you, Week! You have driven me closer to where I need to be, where I want to be and you can believe that I won't be leaving the house unprepared next week...

ding, ding, ding.

Karate, lunch, chill time, some school shopping and to end the day, a half hour of swim lessons. That is a lot to cram into one day. I felt like we were at VBS and had to rush to each station, finish the current activity before the bell rings and we need to be off to the next thing.

I find myself on autopilot more ofter than I care to admit. Not because of a lack of interest in what I am doing but I think Sometimes, it is God's way of shaking me up. Here I am on month 9 of my 2007 Picture Of The Day and I still don't remember on many days, until the end of the day, that I need a picture. I admit that by this time I expected it to be more or less routine. Ding, ding, ding - not happening.

I need alot of ding, ding, ding everyday and you know what, I am fine with that. I have passed the age where I have to know, do or expect everything. Most of us are already planning what we are going to do next week. Next Thursday, I have an appointment to have my dead tree cut down and I am already thinking about Christmas. Maybe it is like defraging your computer - the ding, ding, ding gets us back where we need to be.

I have my POTD for today, at the end of the day. As I sat at swim lessons last night, I saw Gage come to life when his swim teacher spent a little one-on-one time on the noodle with him. He is the same way with his preschool teacher. Ding, ding, ding - BIG TIME.

This may not do much for you - it might be just for me but I will fall asleep to the sound of ding, ding, ding in my ear as God wraps His arms around me. What a way to end the day...

what's going on...

I had two big meetings at the VA today concerning DH's father. The first one was went pretty much as I expected. He is going downhill mentally pretty fast and becoming increasingly more inapproperiate. His file was filled with numerous purple slips. Purple slips represent bad behavior and by the looks of his stack, he has been working overtime. They told me what medicines they have him on and are hopefully, they will see a more modest temperment in him soon. When I left the room, I was handed a bill for $600 by the social worker and told that my FIL was responsible for the loss of his roommate's lower dentures. I had received a phone call several weeks ago, told of the situation and that they would be checking into it - and today, just handed the bill.

I had a secondary financial meeting and after that, decided to contact the head of the Social Services to get a little more information. From the info I had received -WHY it was FIL'S fault was a little fuzzy. I asked her if anyone had seen him with the dentures in his hands. It's easy to say "we think he did it" but in this country, you are innocent until proven guilty. My second question is if he was seen handling the dentures, why didn't they take them away from him? The cost of his care includes taking care of him, physically and mentally. I sensed in her voice a feeling of being less than sure of their position. We are waiting for the adminstrator to make the final call but my defense stays the same, prove that he did it.

When I got home, there was Breaking News that our Homeland Secretary Michael Chertoff expressed that a extreme terror threat to the US this summer was iminent. They went on to say that he had no intelligence to back it up but was going with a gut feeling. Ahhh ...WHAT! Perhaps he helped with my FIL's investigation, the same logic seems to be used more frequently in our current culture than one might have thought.

A little common sense goes a long away and I sure could have used some today. After a long day, sometimes you think it is you and Sometimes it is but today, not so much me. Even yesterday when Keaton wanted his picture taken with the Simpsons, makes more sense that most of today did. As Miss Scarlett would say, Tomorrow is another day... and I for one, can hardly wait!

if...

you could ask God the answer to any question - what would it be?

Why do I have to wake up with these kind of thoughts? At times it makes me somewhat crazy, so I just think more until it goes away or starts to make sense. Here's the kicker - it was in the second part of this thought that the sense made an appearance...

Part 2 - and if He did answer THAT question - how would it change your thoughts, decisions , choices, values -basically, your life?

I don't have any burning questions I want answers too and I couldn't think of anything that would change the way I think about God. I can't imagine Him explaining why bad things happen to good people. The flaw would be not in His explanation but in my ability to comprehend said explanation.

But I am human - there has to be Something that I want to know. Something that would make me rethink my evil ways, bad habits and mean-spirited words. Maybe it is like Jack Nicholson said, You can't handle the Truth.

God doesn't give the answers, He gives us what we need to find our own answers. It is pretty obvious this is no cookie cutter God. He is as diverse in His answers to us as we are to each other. Maybe you feel differently and you have a few things you would love some clarity on. I hope you get it and I really hope, it changes your life. That those answers push you into a different place and that you are never the same again.

Whether the answers come or not, we will live the questions everyday of our lives. I for one, am good with that. There is just no if in me - call me crazy, believe me- it fits...

rockin girl bloggers...

I received a great honor over the weekend. I was selected by Miss Cheryl as one of her 5 rockin girl bloggers. Her description and praise of ER was so over the top, I am humbled by her blog love and her wonderful friendship.

The idea is to pay it forward and I am to pick my favorite five. I think about blogging alot. Writing ER and reading on average 60 blogs a day have changed my life. Changed the way I do business. You already know my reading habits have changed. I haven't read anything in months - don't even cruise the book section at Costco any more. No curosity what so ever. It has bothered me but I have decided to rest in where I am and nto worry.

I guess I am staying within the rules for my five picks - they are all girls and they certainly have rocked my world. Made me think and have challenged me. Maybe that is the attraction of blogging. A book is really a one way street. Here it is - thanks for the $12.99 . That must be the reason that book clubs are so popular - you need to talk to someone about it. With blogging, there is interaction and even an emotional tie. I can't imagine the rest of my life without it.

Currently there are 57 blogs I check in on daily. Two of them are run by men so they don't count but I love them. One is a new church plant in Kent, Ohio and the other is Trash The Dress which is growing by leaps and bounds. FABulous creative, photographers who work with willing brides. FABulous creative pastors sharing the Word with willing souls. It all is related, isn't it?

Here are my girls and all for so many different reasons. Miss Cheryl, you KNOW you are on the List but I will pick 5 others...

Gina the CraftTeaLady ( www.xanga.com/thecrafttealady)- have followed Gina's journey for almost a year. She lost her grown son in a skateboard accident last year. The good and the bad, she has shared it all and God has given her a gift, one she didn't see coming.
Jessica(www.jessicaclaire.net) - my favorite photographer. Her photos bring a zest to life and it is pure joy to live vicariously through her photos.
Anna(annaaspnes.typepad.com) - It started with her photographs of Alaska - breathtaking. She is a digital scrapbook designer, a mommy and wife. She shares the good and the bad. What a gal!
Heather(dooce.com)Not for the faint of heart - her language might scare you away but her Stories of living have made me laugh out loud and cry big tears. My rockin girls are all over the board but life is all over the board - I'm just following suit.
Last, and none of these were in any particular order - is Heather "I Have What?".(www.hspils.typepad.com), Heather is in the middle of the fight of her life - Cancer is the ringmaster of her circus. She doesn't post often - the last post was done by her husband and the news was good. I look forward to hearing from her again.

Each of these ladies have had an incredible impact on my life and I wouldn't have found any of them without this blogging thing. Rocking blogging girls, thanks for everything...

hot town - summer in the city...

Our Fourth of July was FABulous. It was also hotter then we could have imagined. Today the temperature is suppose to hit 107 and on Saturday at Keaton's big birthday bash, we will be outside at the state park in similiar weather conditions. I see alot of water in our very near future - just hope we can keep the cake from melting!

There is a very real rhythm to summer. It is a more lazy, mellow time when we are more likely than not - to go more with the flow. I think heat makes us give up sooner. It is just not worth the energy to analyze everything - we have to spend lots of time trying to keep cool. The cooking is easier, some nights everybody is too hot to eat and ice cream seems a perfect dinner. Dirt on children doesn't seem a big problem, we'll wash it all off at the end of the day - go for it!

The forecast for next week looks like more of the same. I am pretty sure I can't tell 104 from 99. There is a weather threshold where my body can't get any hotter.
I should try to remind myself of those winter days where my bone chill seems 50 below. Too bad we can't bottle that and pull it out as needed.

I am going to try and enjoy the more mellow me while she is around. I am certainly going to enjoy the ice cream dinners and I am going to celebrate Keaton's 8th birthday and party like it was 1999...

fast forward...

I am always talking in the past tense - today I am in the future tense. No matter how you plan on celebrating the 4th of July, there will be reminders of our country anywhere you go. The flags, the parades, BBQ and the red, white and blue. Whatever you don't like about our country and we all have something we would like to see done better, it is still the greatest country in the world. Tommorrow, take some time to be grateful for our freedom and pray for those who are serving to protect those freedoms. When you watch fireworks tomorrow night, remember all that is good about who we can be when we try. Our compassion for each other and those around the world. When you hear the words, Land of the free and the home of the brave - pray for America. She would surely appreciate it. Taking a few days off - see you on Friday. Happy 4th of July!

10 years ago...

Watched a Concert for Diana last night. On the tenth anniversary of her death and what would have been her 46th birthday, princes William and Harry wanted to give their mother the best present ever. They put together some of her favorites - Duran, Duran and Elton John along with others to raise monies for her favorite charities and theirs.

I remember that August night when the news reported she had first been hurt in a car crash and later pronounced dead. It didn't seem real. This was pre-911 when when we were a more innocent people and thought we lived in a safer world.

The month before my girl had got married in what still today is the most fun wedding I have ever been to. The most beautiful site with the greatest food and music - we partied the night away. They will celebrate their milestone anniversary next month - doesn't seem like it has been that long ago. Hard to believe Keaton, Gage and Morgan weren't here yet - they would have LOVED the party.

Ten years ago in December was when I was downsized from my job of 25 years. While I didn't miss the work, I was not sure how we could make it financially. It is funny now - but not then. I look back over the last ten years and marvel how life has changed, personally and in the Big Picture. What I thought was going to happen, didn't and what I never could have imagined, did.

I wonder what Princess Diana would think if she were alive today. I know she would have been proud of her sons and the men they have become under the most difficult of circumstances. I wonder what the next 10 years will bring expecially those never could imagined moments. Time will tell.

The summer of 2007 seems to be racing by for me. It is already July and a 1/3 of summer is gone. It gives so much more value to living in the Moment and to be grateful for those moments. Whether 10 years or 3 months, a lifetime of memories can be lived and loved, it is just a matter of perception...

other people's words...

or rather their arrangement of words. We all have equal access to the same words but it is the configuration of said words that grabs our attention. I have numerous books of quotes in the zalaine dille memorial library and every so often, I grab a pen and start circling those that just fit me to a tee. They truly reflect me and I got to say, I wish I had thought of them first....

Abundance is, in large part, an attitude...Sue Thoele.

The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been...Madeleine L Engle.

There's that "You're only as old as you feel" business which is true to a point, but you can't be Shirley Temple on the Good Ship Lollipop forever, Sooner or later, dammit, you're old... Joan Crawford

I was grown up at ten and first began to grow young at forty... Madge Kendal

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore...Erica Jong

I am no longer afraid of anger. I find it to be a creative, transforming force: anger is a stage that I must go through if I am ever to get what lies beyond...Mary Medinger

Laughter is much more important than applause. Applause is almost a duty. Laughter is a reward... Carol Channing.

Sometimes I think we are all tightrope walkers suspended on a wire two thousand feet in the air and so long as we never look down we're okay but some of us lose momentum and look down for a second and are never quite the same again - we know...Dorothy Gilman.

One can only believe entirely, perhaps, in what one cannot see...Virginia Woolf

The bible writers didn't care that they were bunching together sequences some of which were historical, some preposterous and some downright manipulative. Faithful recording was not their business, faith was... Jeanette Winterson.

Couldn't have said it better myself...

beyond me...

It is Catch up week for my on-line class so for those of us who were caught up, our teacher issued us a All About Me challenge. These are so hard for me to do. The whole picture of the face and the I like Diet Coke, chocolate and West Wing. This scrapping addiction of mine has taught me the value of sharing more of myself with others, especially my family but I have to make myself happy too.

I am finding I don't mind these AAM pages if they point beyond me. For me there is value if I am part of the stream that describes the River. I struggled with this layout all week and yesterday morning, it just fell together. The night before I was thinking it was time to take the naked Dove old lady picture. Somewhere I do have a naked back photo so I can add my own tattoos whenever I want - some day when you need a special treat, we will go there but for today, I wanted to use my senses and came up with this somewhat sentimental ditty.

It is pure, honest and exactly how I feel.

However our paths crossed, I hope you walk away feeling hopeful that anything is possible.

It is not about me, it is about beyond me. I would like you to see past me to Him. I would like you to see that He is real. Not about rules or religion, He is so far beyond what I could ever explain so I have to live it. I could belt out the spiritual laws and recite John 3:16 but that is not me. I am more of a pointer. Beyond me - His Way.

Beyond me, beyond you. Beyond what we do for Him, Beyond what we do in His name. All pointing at us needs to be diverted to Him. If I can make you understand that I truly believe that anything is possible, then He will take your hand and show you the Rest. That is how it should be...

work in progress...

I could never be a contracter/builder. I am into instant gratification. I hate this part of the construction - half up and half to go. It is unattractive. It just seems like it is in limbo. That it won't be of any use until it is decorated, the furniture is in place and the pictures are on the wall.

I have a hard time with a work being in progress.

I realized that translates in my Real Life. Sometimes when I am not at the Top of my Game, it is because I have forgotten that I am a work in progress. I can live to be 200 years old and I will never be decorated, have my furniture in place and all the pictures in the wall. This just dawned on me today. I see my weeds, half finished construction and my unattractive exterior when what I want is a perfectly gorgeous building that I and others can admire. If I have to imagine myself in this unfinished state for all my days on this earth, two things could happen.

I could spend the rest of my days being mad and repulsed at my state of being. Always wanting what is not possible, not accepting my limitations and presenting a false self could be a way of life if I wanted to choose it. My other option would be to see what I am and accept it. Accept that this side of heaven, there will be weeds and windows without glass. I would have to delay having the beautiful building with all extras, for now. Learning to live with being a work in progress is a tough thing to face but this picture of a soon-to-be bank will remind me of what is Now and what is possible, Later.

It's about embracing What is and looking forward to What will be. Can one really learn to love a work in progress? I'm sure going to try...

mother of all yard sales...

12 hours and a $1000 dollars later, the yard sale is over. Those 12 hours don't include sorting and pricing but not a bad 2 day haul. This was a 7 person yard sale and there was definitely something for everyone. At the end of the second day - after our very successful Anything You Can Get In A Bag For A $1 sale, there were 3 bags and a few boxes that had to be taken away.

It truly was a beautiful sight to behold. Perfectly folded clothes all sorted by size and brillantly displayed ( see Little Girl, I do appreciate your fine work!) to fABulous signage. There is nothing worse than chasing a sign to a non-existant yard sale - not on our watch. Someone even commented on our great signage. Ah, what a compliment.

At the end of the day, you walk thru the house and realize that you don't even miss what was sold. The house doesn't look empty and you went thru the having everything you needed. For me, it is not so much about the money but I try to enjoy the people I will meet during the sale. Sometimes they don't make it very easy but I keep trying...

I always make it a point to ask them how they are. Not a welcomer but nature - it is a great opportunity to trade some time with others on the Path. ..

a 45 year old woman who refuses to use paper napkins, only cloth. She also shuns paper plates and cups. She bought a bunch of unfinished checkered napkins.

the man who seemed to just have been released from prison who knew nothing about Rescue Heros for his 5 year old son, He bought a bunch and came back later in the day in a suit on a motorcycle to buy more.

a young woman with a Down's Syndrome cute as a bug little girl who was so thankful for the $1 sale. I helped her pack all her finds in her car and I noticed in the back seat next to her daughter's car seat - a hanging IV bag with milk or a white substance. She couldn't stop saying thank you - for the goodies and the help.

There were also a few of the less of the best. After haggling with one woman, I doubled the price of the item. she thought I was kidding. Her grown children made the comment that she had finally met Someone who wouldn't put up with her crap...

All in all, it was another great Lesson in His children. Red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in His Sight. Jesus loves all His children in the world and I am so trying...

touch...

Week three of my online class brought the theme of touch. I don't think I understood how important touch was until a few years ago. When my FIL first entered the nursing home, I noticed how much the older people would reach out for my attention. I am not one that is comfortable with stranger touching. Even at church, there are those people who are natural huggers but don't always take into consideration, their audience.

I could hug my own family forever and do, There have been times I have hugged people I have just met - it came natural and I felt it was the thing to do but it is a different world. There are still people that want to touch a pregnant women's belly -these days being pregnant can be a dangerous thing. You might be safer to just let everyone think you have added more than a few pounds and have lost your ability to push yourself away from the table.

Going back to the nursing home, maybe because the VA is 99% men - the few times I have been grabbed have freaked me out. I am sure they meant no harm and just wanted a little human contact but I was the wrong person for that job. I pray for the staff - what a job they have.

My layout for my class had to be about Morgan and Mommy's hair. This weekend at the yard sale with so much coming and going - she had a hold of her mommy's hair alot. Funny what comforts us. Sometimes all we need is a little touch...

Ode to summer2007...

Yesterday was the first day of summer. The longest day of the year. We got to see/feel the sun for the greatest amount of hours in one day for the whole year. This is the top of the mountain. Everyday from now on, will get progressively shorter. We won't notice it for most of the summer. It was almost 10PM last night before it was dark. That and it was 96 degrees. We are trying to set up out little pool but have not had much success. For the next two days, we are having the mother of all Yard Sales. The temperature is suppose to hold - that pool would sure feel good. By the time we get it going - it will probably be dark by 930.

The splash of water will remind us of Summer for all of our days. I imagine when I am 70, the sound and feel of water on my skin on a hot day will still bring back memories of summers gone by.

As for summer 2007, I plan to enjoy it throughly, everyday and since we are burning daylight now - time to get a move on. Happy Summer to you all!

God and flash...

My husband always says that God doesn't do flash. He isn't about the glitter and glam, or fireworks or even the beautiful people. We judge quickly and harshly those things we seem out of place. The plain and mundane don't get our full attention. We forget that He works in His own mysterious ways.

We spend a lot of time trying to figure Him out. We should spend less time encouraging each other to pursue the whys of Him and more time enjoying those wonderful, mysterious and surprising ways.

All talent comes from God regardless of the beliefs of the talented one. Don't waste time on trying to make sense of it - just enjoy...

fluid...

I was helping Brando today get ready for the Mother of all Yard Sales this weekend. The garage is already full and there is more stuff coming. Our task today was to finish going through boxes of her stuff and getting a tag on everything.

We were doing stuffed animals and she ask me to put all the stuffed animals that were in the red box in the green tote... And I did just that. Next to the red box were a few stray animals but I didn't pick them up because they weren't in the red box. This is the anal side of me that I am not in love with.

I want to be more fluid. Like the picture of the water splashing against the rocks - no two drops the same and a random stream of mist that seems to have its own natural rhythm. There is nothing anal about being fluid. Fluid has ying and yang, back and forth and a recklessness that borders on being a little out of control.

Can you learn to be more fluid? Like learning a new craft - can you practice your way to include more ying and yang in your life? I hope so. Unlike learning to play a musical instrument where talent can make the difference between music that sounds like it came straight down from heaven or a well-played piece, with no depth or emotion.

The very nature of being fluid is emotion. That is what the anal side is missing out on. The job gets done in a very satisfactory manner but has tunnel vision. So much of what Jesus taught was fluid and so many of us are anal, it is almost like re-learning what we thought we already knew. More and more, I come to believe that being with Jesus is a little reckless and borders on being a little out of control.

Just like taking everything out of the red box and putting it in the green tote, I need to look around. What am I missing? What is right in front of my face that if I miss - I will be sorry? For me, it has to be a daily reminder. Other things come more easily. For those things that don't, I just need to let the water splash on my face and refresh me. Ah...that feels better.

trouble...

So I placed an ad for my antique kitchen cabinet on a local on line classified board. When I got home Friday night, I had this email waiting for me.

Hello... am intrested in buying this item for a client and am payming you the money order.. so if this is okay by you get back to me with your full name,address and phone number for the payment. about the shipping am going to handle it ,so get back to me now My Name is: mark

Ok, it looks odd to me but being Miss theglassishalfempty, I wanted to give my fellow man a chance. Still, I wrote back,

Mark, are you wanting to buy the cabinet without seeing it? Can you explain about the shipping - are you going to pick it up from my house? Trying to see this from both sides and certainly want your client to be happy with their purchase...

Didn’t hear anything until Sunday afternoon and then this email came,

HELLO ,
THE CASHIER CHECK THAT WILL BE SENT TO U WILL CONSIST UR ITEM MONEY ,THE SHIPPING FEES AND MY OWN COMMISSION AS THE AGENT,SO MY CLIENT PROMISED TO ISSUE OUT A payment TO U WHICH WILL BE ENOUGH TO HANDLE ALL THE TRANSACTIONS.MY CLIENT SEEMS TO BE VERY INTERESTED IN PURCHASING UR ITEM AND HE DOESNT WANT ANY OTHER PERSON TO BUY IT. HOPE ALL IS WELL AND UNDERSTOOD?

The only question i will like to ask u is;

1. can we trust u with the money?

2. will u be able to wire transfer the excess the same day u receive the PAYMENT ?



3. is the item is brand new?

4. can we take u for ur words?

with ur reply to this questions,it will give me the power to authorise my client to issue out the check for u as soon as possible.
and again which name is to be written on the payment that will be sent,is it going to be on the address u gave me or what?
get back to me ASAP to futher show ur interest in selling the item for my client.

Regards

My last and final email went like this,
Sorry, item no longer for sale...

Sometimes trouble isn’t as easy to spot. Sometimes it is and we go ahead anyway knowing that it is too good to be true. I will hold on to my cabinet for a bit longer, me thinks. This kind of trouble, I don’t need…

PS. I was at the bank today and the teller asks for my debit card. Long Story, but when I told her about the cabinet – she was very interested. I have sent her pictures and waiting to see what she thinks. Would be a hoot if she bought it. Funny how things happen…

99 balloons...

This is a Story about Eliot
and his most fabulous parents.
It is also a Story about
being grateful for every Moment.
But most of all,
it is a Story about seeing
the Big Picture.
Its about going with God's Flow,
no matter how it manifestes itself.
The weekend brought a lot of reflection time for me
The constant is always Jesus, no matter what the circumstances
and if I live it, I can celebrate my life everyday, no matter what.
Jesus continues to find new ways to steal my heart...
99 balloons brought it all together...
You can check out more of Eliot's Story at http://www.ninetynineballoons.com/...

paths...

The last few days, I have found finding myself strangely attracted to non-human photos. Ok, but this lady seemed oblivious to the people who were walking by her. I had to capture her being able to be in her Moment while the rest of the world was doing their thing.

Our photography field trip started out with no plan. It was my job to decide where, which I failed miserably at. On our last trip, we decided to go where there were lots of people to shoot. We needed some models that we didn't have to bribe or drag with us. We thought the people of Downtown would fit that bill nicely but as today's trip started to unfold, people didn't seem to fit where we were Today. We headed back to where I had taken Brandi's pictures on Tuesday and thought we would scout it out for family shoots. It turns out that the is our place of choice for family shots - now if we can get the Family there.

As we walked around, there were no people around. I found myself loving the flower and water shots. After a while, we went across the street to the second park and there were more people than nature. Nothing much to look at so we headed to the third park. Again not much to look at but this rose garden. I have gone past it many, many times. Never stopped, never saw a reason too. Roses are everywhere and when you put so many of them together - it is almost too much - like you are the middle of a victorian tea ( which I would totally RUN AWAY from) but we walked around and got some nice, tight shots. I tried to concentrate on being in the Moment and not LOOK for people and for the most part was successful. There were a couple of young women who had parked themselves right in front of a rose bush in the shade and they had their sketch books and watercolor pencils out. I was immediately drawn to them and started snapped away.

So here's my deal. I want to live a balanced life and I want to be immediately drawn to where I need to be. I want to see what I need to see whether anyone else can see it or not. I want to be aware of my surroundings but be ready to go in a second. For my whole God life, I have been told that He has a plan for my life. My life - each of us does and they are not the same. You may be with me when my path becomes apparent but you may not even notice the difference.

I walked down a lot of paths today. They were all beautiful. They would all be perfect for me but there is only one I really need to worry about and that is the One meant for me. I may have to walk down Many to find mine but that is part of the Process. May you find your path, your way, the One that is waiting just for you.

a wonderful life...

I met a lady today. She told me right up front, she was a feminist. She moved to our town a while back but admitted there is not enough differnet kinds of people. Ok, and This is the best part - she does Roller Derby.

My german Oma was a mild mannered women...until Roller Derby came on TV. She couldn't get enough of the elbowing and smacking each other around. These are fond memories for me and because when roller derby was ON, she didn't watch my sister and I as close as usual. One time we found the family address book and invited everyone with a phone number to dinner that night - unfortunately no one showed up. I can remember being quite disappointed even with a

red bottom from a good spanking .

Anyway my new friend and I went on to have a spirited conversation. She's 20 years younger, we have unsimiliar backgrounds and not much in common but there was a connection. The one thing we did agree on was that we both were high-maintenance and weren't princesses. We laughed and shared and genuinely appreciated each other. The one thing I shared with her is to not be upset if some of her strong feelings start to wane as she gets older - usually to be replaced by different passions. Those of us with strong feelings keep them for a lifetime. They are an ever-present part of who we are.

Our lifestyles could not be more different. The Roller Derby life is a wild one and this wild child is enjoying every moment. I think it is her way of acting out her Wonder Woman alter-ego. My Wonder Woman wants to clobber people too but not exclusive to any one group

As we parted, I gave her a big hug and she hugged me big back. Another Moment to delight in and another chance to meet one of God's girls. I don't think she realizes how much He would love to share Roller Derby with her. I hope Someday, she gives Him the chance...

you just never know...

I said something about taking some pictures on her birthday but never, ever expected that she would agree. I don't know what got into her but it sure felt like it was my birthday. She is absolutely gorgeous - I have been asked, This is Your girl?. DH and I always say this is what happens when ugly people mate. When she was a teen and we were at the mall, I would see young and old men stare at her and yesterday at the mall, it happened twice again. I can't tell you how happy I was taking these and when I got home,downloaded my chip - I couldn't believe the shots I had.

Whille I am not lying about my grown up beauty, I did tell a lie yesterday. In my own defense, I was caught off guard. Maybe it wasn't exactly a lie but if I would be able to do it over, knowing the answer would not be popular, I would have been blunt and honest. As I thought about it, I realize that we lie for main different reasons, not always just for our own benefit. I am not shocked at how easy lying is. How fast is rolls off the tongue and its own justification, not far behind. I don't think all lies are wrong or that you could go through life never telling a lie. You also can lie to make others feel better - that is not healthy either.

I wish I could take my own lying pulse and record when I lie and why. I might feel better about myself...or not. I even find myself telling my gks the Truth and sometimes that gets me in trouble. So as I don't see my taking the lying test, I want to be aware of when I am less than honest and what that costs to myself and others. There has to be a balance and I am still looking for it. Reminding myself that life is a process not a destination - I stop looking for the finish line and just look where I am going. As for today, it was FABulous and that is no lie!...

a whole new world...

Some things never change. Our zoo, for sure. They added a butterfly exhibit and managed to rangle a red panda but pretty much it is the same zoo as when my girl was little. I smiled to myself when I heard the family behind me wondered which direction the elephants might be. Oh, I hope they weren't counting too much on seeing any pachydermy - but kids, they are thrilled to death because not only are there monkeys and penguins but cheeseburgers and ice cream!

It is nice to have some stability in the world around us. Thirty four years ago today, I had a busy morning. I started having labor pains about 1030PM the night before and by 1230AM, I was on my way to the hospital. By 250AM, my little princess made her way into the world. There were no grams back then and the doctor swore it was a boy throughout the whole pregnancy. When I got to the hospital the day before ( my water broke and then sent me home until labor pains began), there was an issue abut how many babies I might be having. The nurse with much experience swore we were having triplets -she heard three distinct heartbeats and the doctor didn't want any surprises in the delivery room. For a good hour, most of us involved were in tears. It would have been the first set of triplets every born in that hospital. They finally ruled out triplets so we were good to go.

It was a whole new world being a mommy and now some 30 ish years later, a whole new world has taken on a different meaning. The internet, terrorism and catching predators is our world now. She has grown up and is a mommy herself now but she will always be my little one. Happy Birthday Little Girl - I LOVE YA! Some things you can always count on, like a mommy's love and our little zoo.

the beginning of summer...

The calendar may not agree and while we need it for some things, we sure don't need a calendar to let us know that summer is here.

Last week brought the end of school and the weekend brought a awesome water fight. It is a custom of the Wet and Wild parade to provide watertainment after the traditional floats, horses and dancing girls. You know what is coming - the warning comes before the water. We are not talking damp but all out WET. Those who choose not participate need to find shelter and take cover.

This boy couldn't wait for this part of the parade to begin. Armed with only a tiny squirt gun, he took on the flow with all his might. He looked forward to the one on one water combat action and loved every minute of it. During the calmer times, he would look back at me - I was behind him, trying to take pictures while ducking behind a pickup and I would give him the thumbs up sign. It was a great day. We headed home, happy with our day.

Sunday Mother Nature decided on a water game of her own. We woke up to grey skies and pouring rain. Not exactly how we pictured the second half of our weekend but that is how summer is. You can mostly count on fun, sunny days but you just never know. Summer is not much different that Real Life. There are places where you can choose to participate or not - and some places where you have no choice. As Keaton says, Get what you get and don't know a fit. Good advice- sounds like something I could incorporate into my week, think I will give it a try...

sting...

I needed to touch base with the social worker at the VA where my FIL resides. He has been forgetting more and more - basic things like where his room is and on what florro. At our last care meeting, they indicated that he had become less cooperative and even mean. As the social worker and I exchanged notes, it was clear there was more serious problems going on. Lets say he has become inappropriate toward women and the the standard order is two nurses have to be with him at any given time. So many issues here but suffice it to say, I have visited him for the last time. When I explained what was going on to my DH, he immediately said, You're done - no more. He will do all the visiting from now on - I will continue to go to the care meetings with the staff but my visits with L are over - the next time I see him will be at the funeral home.

There is a strange feeling attached to all this. Certainly one of relief, again, many issues that have brought us here but he is the last of our combined parents. I realized this afternoon you can never completely be free of guilt. My goal has always been to wipe guilt off my slate but today I think guilt is something we have to live with. Whether real or imagined, good or bad - guilt is part of our human emotions and learning to live with it may be a healthy thing. I truly believe this is best of all of us - I feel bad for my husband. How difficult a thing it can be when it is your own parent. Whatever the rest of L's days look like, for his sake, I hope they are few. For my sake, they are already done...

pushing beyond...

I started a month long on line sensory digital class this week. Our first week's focus is on sight. Our assignment was to take a photo or layout we had already done with little or no journaling and use our sense of sight to look deeper and push beyond what we originally saw.

It didn't take me long to figure out that on powerful pictures, I would become completely overwhelmed and could never find words to do it justice so I would give it a title and a few swigglies and call it good. This photo was so strong for me, I scrapped it on a blue piece of paper and gave it a Sand and Surf title. After a few good suggestions, I began to push back. I tried to recall what I was thinking when I took the photo. I LOVE taking these back shots. They tell their own Stories and that is what I am always after. To me, a photo must tell a Story. We take photos to document people and events but going that extra step can turn a plain document that tells who, what and where into a Story that leaves you wanting More. It is these kind of photos that have traditionally stunned me into non-action.

I had no idea that Week one would be so powerful. It can't help but spill over into other parts of my life. It is amazing to me how creativity just keeps unfolding in my life. Being a life long anal, when I started to exercise my creative muscle - I had no idea of the Places I would go. Learning to explore and see the world in a different Light - I just didn't see that coming.

I have never been one to like school or assignments. A few years ago I had to take a college credit Microbiology class for my job and I almost got thrown out when the talk turned to social issues that I did not agree with. I am too old to keep my mouth shut so even if I was inclined which I am not, I would never make it. Could never bit my tongue for a grade.

I have learned alot since then and going creative seems to be a great fit. I can't wait for week 2 and I am even considering sending my teacher a cyber red apple. The things you can learn if only you are willing...

the Time of my life...

I am 55 years and 192 days old. I don't know why I had to do the math today but I did. There are things that have not happened to me in all those days and now, many of them are not possible ever again in this life. As a friend was having surgery today, I realized I would never have a diagnosis of breast cancer as a young woman. Funny how praying for someone else can bring up issues in one's own life.

I have gone through this list before. Many times - Fears that dogged me as a young woman...

I will never be a young widow.
I have danced at my daughter's wedding.
I have lived to be older than my mother.

When you put it all together, I have had the Time of my Life. If it ends tomorrow, I feel like I am rich beyond measure. That is how I truly feel - I am so grateful for every day from now on.

On the off chance that I live pass tomorrow, there are so many things to look forward to. Saturday morning before I went to the funeral, I found this video on You Tube. Thanks James and Julie for sharing your Dance with us. Not only is one of my favorite songs and I realize why- it is my Love Song to Jesus. BTW, I identify with the dancing babe in the blue skirt, she ROCKS. To the Powers that be - feel free to play this at my funeral. The bad and the good, all of it. I wouldn't change a minute of it. Not one minute...

I searched through every open door
until I found, the Truth
and I owe it all to You...

children...

I ran across this quote this weekend and couldn't get my pen out fast enough. Funny that is would be written by a little yellow bear, so much Wisdom from Someone who lives in a remote forest but you never know where the Good Stuff may come from.

If ever there is a tomorrow

when we are not together

there is Something

you must almost remember...

You are braver than you believe,

Stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think

but the most important thing is,

even if we are apart...

I will always be with you... Winnie The Pooh

I think that is the theology of most parents. I saw Denzel Washington on Oprah a while back and he said for as long as he could remember, his mom's nightly prayer was - Bless my children and my children's children.

The closest we ever get to understanding God's love for us is when we become parents. Having children can help that selfish part in each of us, disappear. We take on the care and feeding on Someone out side of ourselves and waht we thought was important, no longer is.

Now, imagine God and His love for us. We never know what is coming our way on any given day. We are not able to physically reach out and touch God now... but there is Something we must always remember,

We are braver than we believe,

Stronger than we seem

and smarter than we think

but the most important thing is,

even if we are apart,

He will always be with us...

For Ryan and Amy...

no words...

Nine days ago, their oldest son graduated from high school

24 hours later, he was gone - along with his two brothers and his dad.

Gone in a moment, leaving their mom and sister to find the strength to go on.

Seven days later, the four hearses are lined up at the the church.

Parking lots are overflowing at two off site churches

and across the street at the middle school.

We are not the same religion but grief has no religion

I sat in the school parking lot as the funeral started and prayed for them. The tears came so quickly.

I prayed that God would saturate their hearts, their grief and bring them overflowing comfort.

25 minutes after the funeral started, there were still cars looking for parking places

so I left.

Stopped and got a coke and headed for my church, about a mile down the road.

I prayed the same prayers in the near - empty parking lot.

We are all in this life together. Religion can't keep us apart. I grieved with them

with my whole heart.

The serenity prayer, adopted by AA, was part of a sermon written as early as 1934

I never knew there was a second verse, until today.

Living one day at a time

Enjoying one moment at a time

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with You, forever in the next.

Sounds like good preaching to me, no matter who you are...