Holy Week...

My first Lent has been a wonderful experience. It has helped me focus on the whole reason for Easter. The reason we do the Easter baskets, and the dinner after church. It has given me 40 days of reflection with a humbleness, I could not have found any other way.

Within this experience, there was a Peter chapter. It is one, I didn't see coming. A denial that happened not once, twice but three times. After the first time, I walked away, amazed that it happened. The second time, I was well aware of where this could be going. Confident that I was on top of things, and would break the cycle - it happened a third time. Each time, I could not believe I had forgotten so completely.

I say that to say, I could find many reasons not to forgive myself but am choosing to find that it is a part of the Whole. I will never forget my first Lent and I wouldn't change one thing. I have learned lessons of gratitude of all things given, a love I will never fully understand and the forgiveness of one self's humanness.

This week brings a few activities, Easter and non-Easter related activities. I agree with Rob Bell, that all things are spiritual. Life is messy, and to see it as a Whole, makes sense in a world that doesn't.

Will finish the week with my head held high, and my heart in a good place. Fully expecting there is More to see, More to learn and More to this life...

family...

Please tell me how you say good-bye to someone who has known and loved you from the very moment you opened your eyes.
R.I.P. BN, I have been so blessed to have you as my father!!!/via FB

I talk about family all the time. If I am talking about the first 20 years of my life, it is crazy, unbelievable and scary. If I talk about the next 20 years, it is still scary but new life has come and the crazy stakes are higher, there is more to protect. By the time I get to the 20 after that, life has settled down, new life has come and I am able to breathe and enjoy. There are still swings because as long as there is family, there will be human pendulums, flying high above your head and through your heart.

Some feel like Miss M. She has a love for her father, that I can't fathom. Even though she has a grown child of her own, she feels his loss like a little girl. Our family experiences shape every inch of our lives. These experiences dictated our choices, our philosophy and our future.

You love em or hate em, it is always about family. There are ones you wish you were part of and there are ones, you refuse to admit to belonging. As I pray for Keaton's grandchildren, I pray that his sweet spirit is one that they feel. I imagine Gage playing football with his grandsons, telling them about his college days. Miss M will pass on her sense of love and hugs to her granddaughter and tell them, I was surrounded by love when I was your age and I want you to know that I love you too, to infinity and beyond.

young at heart...

A few weeks ago, we celebrated my SIL's grandmother's 90th birthday. We all love Gigi!

She is such a fabulous lady. My only concern on this day of celebration was she usually will NOT let you take her picture. She will turn her head and try to hide. I got all the pictures of the family and her blowing out the candles on her cake. She was in the kitchen, eating her cake and I tried to sneak a few head shots in. She was on to me but instead of hiding, she just looked a me. I clicked away and she kept looking at me. I finally asked her why she was letting me take her picture, and she said, I am looking at you! She could look at me all she wanted to as long as far as I was concerned.

Not sure that will ever happen again. Making photo books for the family and there are some sweet shots, like this one - that will always remind me of this wonderful woman. Happy Birthday Gigi!, we all love you so...

the beauty of being 6...

It was only your first day of being 6 and you handled it with the grace one rarely find until later in life.

You know your birthday may not go as planned when your brother starts throwing up the night before and continued on well into your Big Day. Nana stayed with Gage while you and Mommy celebrated at school. We were going to all meet Daddy for lunch but instead we had lunch at home while Gage was still doing his.

You still got to have your hair and nails done and you were beautiful. The glitter, the gorgeous braid and the new flower clip. You looked perfect for your party and we all had a wonderful time.

A lessor girl might not have been so kind to having to adapt at the last minute but then again, you are no ordinary girl. Thank you for sharing being 6 with us and for teaching us a very important lesson...one is never more at their best than when they put others first. Happy Birthday Princess, I love you so much...

find the Light...

It has taking many hours of being aware, and learning to look for the light. I think in essence, that is what most of us are looking for, in one form or another. I was never able to see it in Real Life until I started taking pictures and now, I look for it everywhere. In every face I see, every place I go and everyday life, photography has changed my life.

Just like music, where whenever I hear U2's, Where The Streets Have No Name or or Micheal Jackson's, Billie Jean , I immediately stop and listen. It is the same thing now, when I see the Light - I stop what I am doing, and live the Moment.

We all know how day and night are as different as well, night and day. They each have their own emotions that they pass on to us and depending on whether we are night or day people, we respond accordingly. I have always been a morning person but when I quit working, I started loving the night. I love listening to the pastor preach his service at midnight on the web, when all is quiet. It gives me time to breathe and listen. Night prayers are also different from day prayers, hard to explain but fabulous to experience.

Sometimes, the Light is hidden but just wait, it will come back again. Sometimes, it dims, and that is ok too. The more you look for it, the more you will find it and that is the best news I could share with you. Go find some for yourself...

risk...

Taking risks comes from within and is learned. Some are born with a more adventurous, risk taking spirit. Some of us don't have a risk taking bone in our body, either because of nature or lack of nurture. Children who are forced to live in risk-taking families, learn to compensate. They learn skills to get them through. Skills that don't translate to adulthood. Skills that have to be unlearned and then replaced, with new skills.

My maternal grandmother was a bible-thumping Baptist woman most of her life. No cards, no dance, no fun. Late in life, when she and my grandfather found themselves relocating to Henderson, Nevada - she took to gambling at the slots in the casinos and had been known to be kicked out of more than one when she won her month's allotment. As I am hurling toward another birthday, you see why I might be concerned.

Just like everyone else, when I was in my teens - there was a sense of the Superman Syndrome. This is natural to this Season of life and it will be a few years before the brain, grows up. From my POV, there is nothing in the Experience file that lets most of us know that risk is a big issue. The older we get, the more we are aware and we choose, at that time, which way we are going.

Now, I find myself involuntary having to take some risks as we plan for DH retirement. There is nothing we can do to change the risk but our attitude and while it is extremely uncomfortable, I find those child-like skills trying to come in and take over. Time to learn another set of skills. Skills for this Season of life. Will see how it goes.

Started following a new interest - Laundermats. Haven't been in one in years and yes, they are as scary as I remember. I was packing man-heat and we did have a good time. 3 down and many more to go. A new skill? Thinking so and if they are all like this, think I will take a few more risks...

duh...WINNING.

Less than 12 hours after the last post, and after a bit of studying, I have my computer up and running. When I realized that the fix was real - I FREAKED OUT!. You know those times when you knew it wasn't possible, yet it happened and you get to feel like a genius, for a day.

With everything up and running, creativity began to come back. When I read up on the malware virus that had invaded my personal space, it said that is didn't erase my files but hid them. I could get to the programs I had in my Taskbar and I could also still get to the Start menu but everything else, disappeared.

I went in and changed the setting to show hidden files, and the desktop icon came back, albeit grayed out. I was able to run the malware software, found 10 trojans, and deleted them. Went back and downloaded a unhide.exe file and everything ungrayed on the Desktop and all my Favorites on the web, reappeared. Magically and so far, so good.

Flying high from my victory, have being trying to see that the same thing happens in Real Life. Whether creativity, beliefs, values, even love... maybe Sometimes, we get a life virus and think these things are gone when they are just being hidden from us. When discovered and deleted, everything comes back.

Some advice I got many years ago, has stayed with me. I have dragged it out of storage, many, many times.

When it feels like all is lost, hold on to what you know. Hold on with everything you have, until the world looks right again.

You don't have to reinvent the wheel every time your tree gets thrown around. Good advice, it has served me well. Thinking the hidden icon thing will do the same. In the meanwhile, will bask in my computer glow and enjoy every Moment...

do no harm...

After 2 weeks of being away, my computer minus 8 viruses, comes home. We get it all hooked up and less than 10 minutes later, we are down again.

I am able to access only those applications in my task bar which means I can check email, get on the Internet and have my iTunes library, there for the taking. Everything else is gone, again. Wherever this virus is, it was laying in wait. It struck hard and fast.

Seems strange to have access to the world, yet the photos I hold so dear - are being held hostage by those who feel this is the way to act. This is the way to have a good time or a way to get back at their fellow man, simply because they can.

I am staring at a black screen.
Nothing. Nada. With lots of time to think.
We will get past this, on way of the other. Everything got backed up before the 2nd crash and even if it didn't, sometime that is the way the cookie crumbles.

And the best I can come up with is this...on any given day, do your fellow man, no harm. Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.

hands on...

There are days when I don't know what I want. Do I stay or do I go? It is those days that thinking doesn't do it for me. No haiku or Time magazine is going to do. I need to touch and feel. It doesn't happen very often but when it does, I need to remember to honor it.

Our world is getting smaller and smaller. James Franco pulled his Twitter account this week, claiming that social media is dead. I am not sure I agree with him but I do think we are making our world smaller and one of the consequences of that smallness is less hands on. We touch our loved ones and food and computers on a daily basis. Sometimes, we take the time to enjoy the flavor and texture of our foods but dare say that most of the time, the food is second to whatever we are doing in the Moment.

We will pick up a package that the Fed Ex man leaves at the door.
We send our neighbor an email.
We go day in and day out without a hands on experience.

Believe me, this is not a post I saw coming but think, had to be written. Can't even tell you what it looks like to me or where it will go. Don't think this is about hugging each other more but about sharing ourselves instead of living life as a avatar. Look forward to seeing what lies ahead, hands on - whatever that may mean...

climbing...

This is just one in a series of about 20 photos but it tells the beginning of a Story.

It was a cold, cold day but there was just too much energy not to get out. With Miss M in the lead, they all take their spots on the climbing rock. She is so much more adventurous than the boys were at her age. She is not afraid and doesn't need a brother to lead the way. In the photos that follow, Keaton tries to keep up with her while Gage is content to bring up the end in slow motion.

We all climb and we all do at different speeds. Some of us can't wait to climb to the top and some of us, (insert my hand waving here) could care less if take one step. IT is a difference of perspective and value and sometime, one of fear.

Toward the end of this photo montage, there are photos with Gage at the top, with a smile on his face. His sister is still hanging around, his brother has moved on to Other Things. It is life as we all know it, being on different pages in the same book.

There are times we have to push ourselves to make the climb, because of fear and the unknown. We have to get out of the rut of not seeing the view on top of the mountain. If we really don't care about the view, that is one thing but if we fear the climb, afraid of getting hurt - that is a fear that should be faced. They say, you only have to take the first step. I disagree, it will be a fight to the top.

Whatever mountain you find yourself climbing now, giving you the same advice I ahve been giving myself. Face the fear. Don't try to go around it, under or over the top. Try going through it. I have no idea what that may look like for you or me but time to find out. It may be worse than I imagined. It may also be not as scary as I had built up in my mind and I may just walk out with a smile on my face...

sugar coating...

SOOC, straight out of the camera.

That pretty much explains my spring break. With computer out of commission, this photo, like all the others I took this week, is untouched. On the day I took this, it was cold. Big time cold, but like all the others at the park that day, WE NEEDED TO GET OUT AND RUN!

Noticed right off the color of the sky. It was surreal, deep blue and puffy. It did start to rain on us but we sloughed it off and it quit. Sometimes that happens, you have to know when to hold em and when to fold em.

Whether photos, emotions or the words we use - Sometimes it is just out there. A raw, version of where we are and what we see. No sugar coating, but just the naked, bare thing. Like a woman without her makeup, it feels strange and uncomfortable but sometimes, is the best thing for us. It felt strange not to run my photo through Lightroom and yet, to see the unedited version made me happy.

We all need some sugar coating in our lives. While nudists colonies may be popular, we human by nature, are a bit modest. We aren't honest 100% of the time with each other and more importantly, ourselves. A little makeup/sugar coating/LR preset never hurt anyone but every once in a while, it is good to see the Real Deal...

one week...

On the outside, it doesn't seem like much has changed. Still do not have my beloved computer, but getting closer every day and the sinus infection that had been developing, is still here. But looks can be deceiving and the heart that we all from time to time, wear on our sleeve, is really invisible to all, including ourselves.

It was a wonderful time of fallowing and I kept reminding myself to let my mind rest even when I was filled with great thoughts. Write them down and move on, I would tell my self with a bit of success. More paper with little notes around than usually. Things to think about and those who have already come to stay.

We had a few sleepovers and those are always enlightening. You forget how to think like a kid until you are around one. I have become Gage's middle man on Ebay. Nothing quite like being educated on baseball while bidding for them. We were successful on all our bids. Fifty cents can sure bring a little boy, a lot of happiness.

Miss M and I played 43 games of Uno with her winning more than half. We all properly spent time at our favorite watering hole, Flying M and there were a couple of day of sunny, warmth that we considered almost impossible. It was a good week.

One Thousand Words by Ann Voskamp. A little book that is changing my life.

When will I lose? Today? In a few weeks? How much time have I got before the next loss?
Who will I lose? And that is definite: I will lose every single person I have ever loved. Either abruptly or eventually. All human relationships end in loss. Am I prepared for that?

The need to fallow was so obvious after a few days. There is no disputing that the computer had picked up 8 virses but with all that extra time availble, it does make you wonder.

I need some free time, I need some sun, I needed to be reminded of what is possible.

I am a hunter of beauty and I move slow and I keep the eyes wide, every fiber of every muscle sensing all wonder and this is the thrill of the hunt and I could be an expert on the life full, the beauty that lurks in every moment. I hunger to taste life/AV.

So glad to be back...

critcal error...

on hard drive.

Not sure how this will resolve.

While I can, wishing you a great Spring Break, whenever yours may come .

Hoping for a nice fallowing time. See you in a week...hopefully.

reading now...

Have talked quite a bit about reading and the changes in the last few years. Always had 5 to 10 days by my bed, read a daily newspaper and a few magazines. Would refill my reading stash during the yard sale season and settle into winter with a bounty.

A few years ago, I discovered the fine art of blog reading and it instantly translated to no more stacks of book by the bed. Almost overnight, the pleasure of reading a paper book was replaced by 70 to 80 blogs. It took a while to see that one had replaced another. The need was the same but was being met in a different way. I didn't pick up a book other than book club for a few years. I have slowed got back into reading but most of it is done on an iPad. Right now during the Lenten season, Leonard Sweet's, Nudge is right by my bed and will stay there until Easter. Still scour yard sales for bargains but have mostly lost the love of holding and manipulating turning pages of a physical book. That said, I have noticed another change.

Still hosting a healthy amount of blog reading, now Facebook, Twitter, The Daily( iPad newspaper) with a bit of old school (Time magazine) thrown in for good measure. I have been taking Time magazine for almost a year for $20. I get a weekly dose of what is going on in the world for pennies. A subscription for The Daily on iPad run $40 a year for a 7 day a week newspaper. With video, 360 photos, the ability to save articles for later and if you choose, it will read the paper to you. This is a little of what I am reading now...

My husband Jeff walked into a Apple store thinking he could just buy an iPad 2. How Windows of him/Twitter

The 9.0 quake that hit Japan on March 11 was powerful enough to shift the earth on its axis and make it spin a little faster, shortening the day by 1.8 millionths of a second. It shoved the island nation one parking space to the east. But what felt like the end was just the beginning/Time

Let him easter in you/Nudge

I've slept with babies on my chest. I have kissed boo boos, mended broken hearts, been puked and peed on and spent sleepless nights in a rocking chair. But i wouldn't have it any other way. My body isn't perfect, but when i look in the mirror i see a mom, and there is no greater honor or blessing/Facebook

Apple's focus this week has been to troubleshoot all the iPad 2s that customers are returning to the stores. One iPad came back with a post it note on it that said "Wife said no." It was escalated as something funny, and two of the VPs got wind of it. They sent the guy an iPad 2 with a note on it that said "Apple said yes."/blog

We are always changing and the way we read and take in information, is changing rapidly and completely. We will always enjoy the long Story, the one with twists and turns that can only come out in time but we also were almost made for a 140 character world. We teach schools and churches with short Stories. Book club discussions are about 1 question at a time. It is natural and to be able to read in all these venues is a win-win to me. Time will tell, whatever your read looks like, enjoy it!

short on time...

We are all competing for time, whether smart phone, game console, tablet or home gaming machine...So, we've got to compel you to spend your limited amount of time with experiences that you can only get on our product/Nintendo

Even though this was an article about gaming and its future, the point is, it is so about our lives. It is about the time we are each given and how we spend it. For me, technology seems to take more and more time. Add a friend, follow another blog, posting tweet, they all take time. Add the fluid list of to the fixed list of The Things that take our Time. If those who are after our limited amount of time, know there has to be a plan, a strategy - Something to overcome to get the desired result then we better understand it too.

We better understand that we have limited time, that no one is out there making more time and in that understanding with emphasis on limited, we start making choices that reflect that understanding. We can't have it all, do it all or respond to it all. We are going to have to pick and choose. Facebook, Twitter, 80 or so blogs. Responding, commenting, liking. Add my time with my computer, iPad... the list goes on and on and I haven't done a thing in Real Life. For me, it is not so much about overwhelmed as hearing a retailer knowing more about me than I do. I need to understand, and spend my limited time in the best possible way - whatever that looks like on any given day. I need to be aware, now I am. Let's see where it takes me...

need...

At this point we strongly recommend holding off on giving to this relief/recovery effort (Japan)

If you read the fine print in most nonprofits appeals for this disaster, you'll see phrases such as: "prepared to assist," "readying a team," "stand at the ready," "assessing the situation." But few have actually deployed staff. And there is the very real possibility that many of the organizations currently collecting donations for the recovery efforts might not be allowed to operate in Japan.

There's a good reason for this. Just because a major disaster has occurred, does not mean that the country is not capable of responding to it themselves. Just as Chile was able to respond to their earthquake far better than Haiti...

...Right now, from all accounts, the Japanese government is doing a good job of leading the relief efforts. It's wise to give them time to assess the needs and determine which organization can best meet those needs. Once a nonprofit has official permission to work in the country, then you can donate to them./Huffington Post.

It is natural to want to help. When we hear that someone loses a family member, we want to bring food. We need to bring Something. The bigger the hurt, the more we are unable to sit back and wait but maybe, just maybe, in the case of Japan's unparalleled trauma, we need to do something. Maybe we need, to be needed.

I have a different perspective after reading this article that goes beyond Japan but to the very need to give. We have the very best of intentions but frankly, collecting donated money is big business. There has been much corruption in the giving for Haiti, for those who needed it the most. The Japanese are a very proud nation, self reliant and this makes perfect sense.

Need is subjective. Some need more, some less. We all know people in both camps. Haiti and Japan and helping comes somewhere in the middle. Too much help discourages those from doing everything possible to help themselves. Not allowing gifts of love because of honor seems equally, wrong.

Help when you can.
Help because it is needed not because you need it.
Understand that not helping sometimes, is helping.

10 days. They are still finding their dead. Let them figure it out and let us know when they have had all they can take. Need will always be answered, always...

experience...

Tessa - this is Tessa at the BTS Apple Store.

me - hey Tessa, lame question but wondering if you have any iPads that I could wait in line for?

Tessa - pause, can I give you some advice?

me - please do.

Tessa - I work here and was in line at 8 am yesterday and at 9, they came out and told us what was available so we could decide if we still wanted to stand in line. They had the black 64 Wifi and white 32 AT&T model. Do you want a particular model?

me- yes, the only one I want is the black 32 Wifi.

Tessa - order it at Apple.com.
I thanked her and wished her a great day. She was able to explain what the last 5 Apple helpers couldn't. She shared her experience. There are 12 different models and the chances of standing in line for the only one I am interested in are slim. She explained that their shipments didn't even have one of each model, that I would most likely stand in line for something I had no interest in buying. She changed my whole thinking and Apple dot com, there I went.

Thank you Tessa. Experience comes in many forms, advanced age is not the lighting rod for all experiences. If you have a tech question, ask an 11 year old. If you have a marriage question, age may become a factor. I do have a 8 year old who thinks like a 50 year old who continually challenges the many questions I have about this life. Choose wisely and folow their lead...

imput...

Getting ready for this post and the phone rings...

Idaho Statesman - Mrs Dill?

me - Yes...

IS - Miss Dill, we are wondering if you would consider coming back and start taking our paper again for only $2 a week?

me - Never, ever, ever and this is why....

I go on to explain that I am now reading The Daily on my iPad that costs only $40 a year and loving it. Video, 360 photos, download free music and if I want, they will read to me.

Honey, the handwriting is on the world. You need to find a new career because it is all going digital. Her reply, OH NO, I am in school. Good Girl, you will do fine then.

This post was going a different direction but is still related. I am rereading and devouring Nudge by Leonard Sweet. This is my personal read until Easter. I will read it over and over and over until my mind is saturated. WE take in information in many forms but reading may be the most emotional and for that reason, stick with us the best.

Glad to know that the nice little girl hasn't hung all her hats in the newspaper business. Just a job to pay the bill. You could tell by the tone in her voice that she got it and she that she wasn't expecting anything more than a hang up. We wished each other a good night. Americal Idol for me, more calls for her. It is a win-win for one of us...

16 to 1...

How to make your own buttermilk because no one ever has buttermilk and you only need a little bit and pretty sure that plain milk won't work or they would say that in the recipe....Add 1 tablespoon vinegar to 1 cup of milk. Let set at room temperature for 15 minutes. Ready to use.

All this for SnickerDoodle Muffins. If you have ever tried the cookie, you understand. Apparently real milk can't be substituted for buttermilk. Have never seen a recipe advise you to try it so I am good with not testing fate. As I searched for the recipe to make my own, I knew vinegar, lemon juice and cream of tartar would all do the trick, but didn't know in what amounts.

There are 16 tablespoons in a cup and by adding 1/16 of a acidic ingredient, it changes the whole taste. It changes the whole texture. It basically is ruined except for hiding it in Something good. Imagine if you eat 16 different foods a day and you add 1 more food and it will ruin the whole day. I found out last week that the milkshake I have been buying at McDee's has almost 1200 calories. I sobered up real quick and have been making a milk/sugar/vanilla bean paste/ice substitute and have been just as happy as can be. No cream or fat and just a touch of sweet. Had no idea I was eating a day's worth of calories in a non-meal.

All that to say it make not take much to sabotage certain areas of your life. Not much at all. You may be so use to adding the vinegar that you don't even realize it. The lemon juice works so well in your hair in the summer, how could it hurt using it anywhere else? - try putting a few drops on a open cut. In the end, it sounds like the muffins are to die for. Can't wait to see if all that is true...

reconciliation...

Reconciliation - From Latin reconciliatio (“a re-establishing, reinstatement, restoration, renewal, a reconciling, reconciliation”), from reconciliare/


In a town of 17,000, 9500 people are missing and presumed dead.
Standing in line for an iPad 2, a woman sold her spot in line for $900.

These two realities, same day within a span of just a few hours. IMHO, both have had equal media time this week, depending on what planet you live on. I have The Daily on my iPad and the photos they have shared are unbelievable. In the 360 shots you get a sense of the devastation, almost firsthand. They have had some Before and After shots of areas hit by the tsunami that are hard to swallow

On the other hand, there was a photo of a homeless person whose sign read, Saving for a iPad2! Doesn't seems like we could be further apart, does it?

Answers minimal, questions galore yet, we were all made the same way by the same guy. Like or not, we are all pretty much in it together. The good guys don't wear white and even if they did, who would decide which were which? Look at the gene pool, Have you already forgot about last season's DWTS? Letting us decide is very bad idea so we go on.

We will pray and give to those who have lost so much and we will stand in line for hours and hours for things we want. Like it or not, this is who we all are...

fallow ground...

In the fallow seasons, the soil is being replenished and restocked so it can continue producing a harvest. Seeds need rich soil for nature to work. When it looks on the surface like nothing is happening, down deep everything is happening. That is why fallowing is part of the basic weather of living well.Nudge/Leonard Sweet.

Yet for most of us, recognizing that seems to be an issue. Whether perceived as being with lazy or just not enough value to warrant seeing that fallow time is a big part of helping us to move forward. For being such a black and white person, daydreaming has always been huge in my life. Not sure I saw the positive side but knew it has been a lifesaver many times.

The goal of fallowing is not to empty the mind or blank it but rather to fill the minds with good things.

When a farmer allows a field to fallow, it is customary for it to lay dormant for a year to regain its strength. A time for everything under the sun. A time to heal, a time to daydream and then, a Time to start all over again.

When your dry times comes, think about maybe taking some time to fallow your field. Whatever it takes, no pressure and then come back. Don't worry about when It is coming back, enjoy the quiet and peace now. Imagine being refreshed would help most all of us. A Time for everyone, under the sun...

capture...

I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer… - Rainer Maria Rilke

There are things you can capture and others, you can't. You can take a picture, capture a Moment in time. It is real and it can be explained and documented. There are other things that you can talk, discuss and search for the rest of your life and are never, ever going to be able to explain, fully or any other way.

I am no longer interested in discussions where the one who speaks his point the loudest, thinks he wins. I do not care and won't talk about the Stuff that we can not answer, this side of heaven, It is not about hiding my face in the sand but in knowing, that there are some captures that will elude us, no matter how much of our lives we spend trying to prove them true.

Saw this quote while cruising the Barnes and Noble aisle and it totally found me. Faith is about things unseen and unexplainable. It is a way of life that does not demand instant gratification and total understanding, here and now. Faith is about seeing the end, without demanding the middle. To understand what is able to be captured and what is not, may be one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and I am all about presents...

June 14, 1954

The last change in the Pledge of Allegiance occurred on June 14 (Flag Day), 1954 when President Dwight D. Eisenhower approved adding the words "under God"/Google search.

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands:
one Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.

Ending the week with a thankful heart. Thankful for what I have, who I have been given to Love and a great country. Whose I am, where I belong and the the freedom to say so...

this week, part 2

Yesterday's post didn't make sense to me, until today. I struggled and struggled, almost didn't post it and then today happened...

An very, early text brought the news that a dear friend's mom had passed away unexpectedly. A few hours later, another text brought news of another dear friend's DH and a scare. Rushed off to the hospital and there they both were. We talked together and separately, trying to comfort both as well as one could.

Our cell phones were going off constantly. Meals were being arranged and whatever comfort we could give was offered and accepted. There is a group of us who have long histories and while we don't get together often, the roots of love run deep and we work together like a well-oiled machine.

Hard to believe this all happened in the span of a couple of hours and it was over before noon. Seems like a lifetime of days rolled up into one. Completely different outcomes. One gets to take her husband home, another has to prepare to say goodbye.. Grab Someone you love today and make sure they understand how you feel. You can never be sure what tomorrow will bring...

this week...

Most of us start our weeks with lists of penciled-in activities for the 7 days to come. There are knowns and then we fill in the rest of the blanks with the unknowns. Snow was not on my To Do list this morning but there is was. First surprise of the week.

There is a concert for Gage tomorrow night and the last of basketball on Friday and Saturday. I love the knowns. They are straight forward, you know what to expect and plan accordingly. It suits me perfectly. The unknowns. That, is where I run into trouble.

Had wonderful, unexpected coffee time conversation today. A complete surprise that made my day. Like most of life, it is the unknowns that challenge, delight and frighten us the most. Anything that takes us off our beaten paths, has the potential to, throw us. Some are better than others at going with the flow. I do better at focusing on the 24 hours ahead of me, instead of carrying around the 7 days of the week but find that more often than not, that is my default. Would be just as easy to pick up each day's suitcase and the others, as needed. Just like exercise, do better to just focus on today and not worry about Wednesday or Thursday's workout.

Whatever your week looks like, I wish you a good one. A wonderful mix of knowns and unknowns and the ability to flow through each of them. With a couple of suprises throw in, enjoy each and every minute...

where is your head?

Ok,it was more colorful than that but last week when Microsoft let us know that they would be rolling out a tablet in the fall of 2012 - almost a year and a half from now, WINNING was not a part of that thought.

In January during the Consumer Electronics store in Las Vegas, there was great anticipation for Microsoft's results after reporting at the 2010 show, that they were all about the tablet. Here we are over a year later with Apple ready to roll out Tablet #2 and now Microsoft is trying to get us excited about Something over a year away, which in tech time is more like 10 years.

We all can talk a good game but the proof is in the proverbial pudding. Where is your head and what are you really doing? Not what are you thinking about contemplating or what is roiling around in your head. There is a Time and Place for those ideas, cloud ideas. We would be lost without them but at any given time, there has to be Something happening.

Today
Now
it doesn't have to big, genius-like or mountain-top.

It might look like taking care of your family. Giving a word of encouragement. It is the verb in our lives. The action and where it is. Keep the cloud ideas close but live the action. Take a big bite out of the apple but not, by the window...

in a heartbeat...

After a moment in the sun as the star of the game that sealed his team's 20-0 winning streak, Wes Leonard of Fennville High collapsed on the court and later died at the hospital Thursday night. MSNBC.

This is not meant to be sensational. From what I have read about Wes, he might understand that this is being used for good.

Minutes after a joyous Moment, Wes passed from this world to the next. No warning, and in the middle of a celebration of a season's win, his Season, suddenly came to an end. In front of family, friends and a whole community, it was a unthinkable end to a unimagined season.

Having lived basketball for the last 8 weeks, I can only imagine what those on and off the court, lived last Thursday. As I cheered really out loud for each time that Gage made his four baskets, I thought about Wes's family. It must have seemed, un real. That is Something I can understand.

If you have trouble living in the Moment, as I do, look at this and remember. Remember to savor every Moment. Make plans for tomorrow with a light touch. We all know how its ends, we just don't know when. Sometimes, 16 can be a lifetime. RIP Wes Leonard...

lent...

I know very little about Lent but am being drawn to it this year. My first exposure to Lent was when a favorite boss of mine, who considered cheeseburgers, milkshakes, smoking and cursing the four food groups of his life, told me one Spring day - no more cheeseburgers for me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It seemed to come out of nowhere, I thought he was having health issues.

Not a religious man, the idea of deep roots of childhood manifesting itself in an adult man, threw me. He took turns giving up cheeseburgers and milkshakes. This went on for many years. Not sure what he thought about during the 46 days but he was so faithful every year, hard to believe that he didn't think about Something.

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity I am somewhere in that definition. March 9is Ash Wednesday so I have a few more days to decide which direction I am going. Not trying to over think it, it needs to mean Something to me and I just haven't figured it out yet.

My church doesn't do Lent. Love that it doesn't matter. I am looking forward to these days. Days where a change will remind me of what is important. Days where withdrawal from one thing, could bring a great understanding of other things. Things that in the long run, will bring special Moments. I can hardly wait...

Special...

Been seeing a lot of those who think themselves, special. Those who think they can't be brought down. Those who think they are invincible and invisible. They think the the rules don't apply to them. Believing they are cut from a completely different piece of cloth. A special fabric used only for them. And, how is that working for them.

From Egypt to Hollywood, it matters not. They think they have the world by the tail. By thinking they are special, they miss the fundamental point of being human.

They didn't get here by themselves. They live in the same world as the rest of us and physics apply to them, as well. Having a good sense of who you are is essential to knowing how you fit into this world. The God that gave me life, gave it to the special ones, also. There is a time and place for special but when Special crosses over, and one no longer acknowledges where that being special is for each and every one of us and not a select few...you wander into dangerous territory.

The minutes you go from special to Special, you have moved yourself into the God position. You have forgotten that your Special time is short, fluid and temporary. You start to think differently and in turn, act differently. The Special goes to your head and the core of your being is changed. Special like this, has to be protected, at all costs and becomes the reason for living. As I told a dear friend today and this is a paraphrase, I didn't come this far to be Special.

For those on the Special train, do yourself a favor and dial it down. Leave Special to those who do it right. Try special on for size. Might find it works out better for you...

5150 for everyone...

Started the day watching a bit of the Charlie Sheen marathon,I Am Just Fine, Thank You Very Much. It didn't take long to figure out he was the only one who thinks that. Throughout the day, no ramblings. Today, GMA, and later an hour on TMZ. By early evening, the news channels were all in agreement that a mental holiday was the next natural and safe choice.

Just a few hours later, the premiere of Anthony Bourdain's, No Reservations. Had seen the previews, knew it was Haiti and Sean Penn. From the very beginning, I was reminded that Haiti, for most of us, had it's 15 minutes of my attention and a benefit concert and then would fade and I would be off to the next disaster. I was right and felt a bit ashamed. @ million people, with 1 1/2 million displaced. They loss over 300, 000 of their own in a day. They no longer are willing to be photographed by every media outlet because it nothing has changed. They feel like they have been used, and thrown aside. I think, they are right.

It was not a feel good show, even Tony admitted that as he twitted through the new episode but he did manage to share their art, their creativity in the face of less than no hope odds. He told how a gesture of goodwill, backfired. After talking to his producers, they decided to buy one woman's tent-side restaurant out and feed the local kids and mayhem broke out. A short term, feel good solution that turned out to be not so good.

Seen Penn went for a few weeks and found more than he bargained for. He helped set up a 55,000 person tent city and continues to help. It was a year ago on January 12, 2010 and JPHRO is now in full force, on the ground running. I imagine that many people felt the way I did, Haiti was so poor before and all the monies that came in, more than likely, will never be used for the Haitian people. They came from nothing and expect, not much more.

Charlie Sheen probably has snored enough drugs that he could have single-handily, rebuilt Haiti. Such a dichotomy of feelings. The Haves and the HaveNots.

No rhyme or reason
No fairness
No answers.

Another day of living the questions, as it should be, everyday...

reverse...

One of the very basic things you learn first in driver's training is putting the car in reverse. There wouldn't be much point in learning to drive if you could only go forward. You could never go in a driveway, you could never park at a store or a school or a doctor's office. You could never go back and get that photo you so clearly saw, just a few seconds ago. We never think of reverse as a negative. It is a good thing that saves us, many a time.

So why when we apply it to life, do we whine and complain about taking a few steps backward? Why is it always, always perceived as a negative? Why are we unable to see the potential goodness and necessity or going in reverse? One dimensional, is that how we really want to live?

It has taken me many years of practice to even get a glimpse of it now. To understand that going in reverse may be the very best thing I can do. Going in reverse is not running away or having to do without - just like when you drive - it may be the very thing that saves your life or at the very least, gives you another chance.

When life goes in reverse, my default is a second of panic and it may always be but I would love to see it more often for what I truly think it is... just another tool in this journey and a vital and important one at that...

embarrassment...

Picasion.com

Being embarrassed it a tough thing. No matter what age you are, we all at times find ourselves a little red in the face. The degrees of what is embarrassing is as diverse as each of us.

We use the same word or explain it as the act of being embarrassed whether we wet our pants or someone says something really nice about us. Basic human nature keeps us in check from wanting to embarrass people, except for siblings and friends. When spouses to it to each other and we are witnesses, we become embarrassed for them.

A good sense of self, will bring fewer embarrassing Moments because we are able to laugh along with the crazy things we all do. So will, getting older. As we age, we seem to understand that stuff happens and learn to roll better with it.

So, put your best foot forward and if something happens. see if you can laugh it off instead of taking it to heart. Grab your invisible pom poms and celebrate the fact that you are human and embarrassment happens...

life as a bookshelf...

This maybe the closer thing that describes our lives, in a nutshell. The chapters of our experiences, written out in full detail. Details that only the mind can know fully, leaving us with visual images that tell the Story in part, to the best of our recollection.

She was not yet 20. A young woman on her way home from work, early evening. Germany, the first year of WW1. She didn't see them, she heard them coming from behind. Soon this young woman would be running for her life. Being chased by a enemy plane. Being shot at, running as fast as she could...home. She would run up to the third floor apartment where she lived with her mother and father. The apartment building would soon be hit and fire will take over all the apartments. She will hear a mother in the building screaming, and run down and see the baby on fire. Wrapping her up in a blanket, the young woman runs out into the street looking for help for her and the baby. When she gets on the street, she uncovers the blanket to find little left that is recognizable.

This is the Story I had be told a few times, while growing up. I have no idea how much of it was true but it was told to explain my mother's mental condition. It sits on the bookshelf with some other Stories, that are equally, hard to believe. Each of us has a bookshelf full of memories and experiences and when we want to understand, we go to our bookshelf, for help.

My bookshelf is overwhelming, even to me but it is mine. The good and the bad,maybe hard to believe but I wouldn't change a thing. It has taken a lifetime to get here, but it is the honest to God truth...

reconciliation...

Was day dreaming today. About Down The Road and further. When these days no longer are, and the next phase is here. A thought raced through my mind. Still not sure where it came from - me or God. Has made me a bit uncomfortable all day. It was a thought that left the idea that reconciliation with those I most wish never to reconcile with, might happen. It was just a flash, but I wonder if it was more. I wonder if it it is possible to see beyond what is seen now, to a whole new thing. I whole new thing, that goes against every bone in my body.

See, the thing with God is - He just gives you a small sense of what is possible. We human, if we are inclined to look at heaven, do so with earthly eyes. There is no natural way that we think about Later without Now eyes. I think that is what bothered me the most. I am so aware that my feelings, tribulations and expectations are much like a Power Of Attorney - it ends when a person dies. Then the will kicks in, or your next leg of your journey, kicks in.

If Today was of God, He has given me a heads up. While there is still legitimate fear involved, it is legit only here, only now. If only a small part of what I heard today is right, all bets are off and I am in for some Big Surprises and I am not, alone...

this one...

...keeps you on your toes. A sleepover with him is constant. Motion, action, love. He could easily have been an only child. We tripped the Mall fantastic. this rest of the evening was non-stop Wii, Xbox, iPad and reading. Jimmy Neutron is our go to movie to end the night and then a bit of downtime.

Morning brought new energy and we started our day with more reading, still Captain Underpants. Got dressed and with our checkers and bowling dice in hard, headed for the Flying M. I asked if we could stop at a local park and take a few pictures. He is headed for a haircut and I wanted to capture this hair season of Gage before it was too late. He asked how many, I said, maybe 10. Literally I shot less than a minute and came home with some treasures. I thanked him and we proceeded with our day.

He is a pleasure to spend time with. He is too smart for his own good and that smile...that smile, does and will continue to melt hearts and not just mine. The girls already ask to sit by him at lunch. They are so obvious, he knows they like him. He is street smart and at almost 9, already knows more than I did as a teenager.

just the right amount of wrong... heard this Somewhere and instantly thought of him. If you have a one in your life like this one, you know what I mean. Life seems a bit dull tonight, without him around. Poppa and I will have to learn to make due by ourselves and look forward to more This One time later. Thanks dude, we had a blast!

verses...

Watching a political show last week and during a segment on religion, one of the guests while being asked about demonizing unions, cultures and people from the pulpit, replied, If you are demonizing something, it means you are also, idolizing something. That statement has stuck with me all weekend, the concept is starting to stick.

Can you have one without the other? My answer would have been yes before last week but now, I am not so sure. Except for a precious few things, this may very well be true. By the time we get to the point where we are demonizing something, we are upside down and perhaps, idolizing is nearby.

I think we need to be a bit careful about who and what we put in the demon category. When used correctly, I certainly believe in there is a Time and Place for demonization but not sure, we get it right very often. There is a whole lot of idolization that goes on in each of us, you don't have to make a list now...but it gives cause for one to take notice of the things we publicly and privately put in the demon category, along with the the things we put in the idol category.

Sleepover tonight, Gage, Poppa and I have been rocking the Wii and Xbox. Right now, I am listen to Gage read, Captain Underpants to poppa. I hear boy laughing and it makes me love the world. I will think about this again tomorrow but for now, there may be Some idolization going on over here but it is all good...

dinner for 14...

I could spend most days getting ready for and then, hosting dinner parties with great conversation. That would be Nirvana for me. Last Thursday, President Obama got to wine and dine with the likes of Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerburg and the CEO's of Google, Oracle and a few more. My first thought was did Mark wear his favorite tshirt? but now, looks like her broke out the old jacket and tie.

Against the beautiful backdrop of San Francisco, and between the hours of 6 to 9pm, I imagine a Menu of Fabulous and conversation of the Most Delightful Kind. The mixture of having the palate and mind satisfied is as old as time. To break bread and share thoughts seems the ultimate to me. A friend and I talked about community dinner parties. Mixing people you would never imagine in the same room, no less, eating together. Eating with someone is a very intimate experience. Even more so, when you are at home. It is private, cozy - a place where manners are on display but so is a bit of a rush. Different ideas shared with each bite. Agreeing to disagree, while having a voice.

They look like they are having fun. Steve Jobs looks much better than the National Enquirers prediction that he has 6 weeks to live. They all live in the world of What Is Possible. The young and the old, coming together to share and learn. Makes me crazy just thinking about it. Would have gladly been a fly on the wall to just imagine the possibilities.

Maybe Someday, we might ressurect the Community Dinner Party plan. In the meantime, will live vicarously thru our president. Lucky duck...

ageless...

As I was on my way to pick up Miss M from school, fabulous music in the background and a prayer in my heart - I started thinking about all the prayers God has heard. Imaging the heartfelt prayers that were raised at Auschwitz. Prayers from mothers, searching for their babies. The world wars had their own prayers. For all, prayers of the safety for others and themselves. Prayers for a way out, a way around - not through. Think of all the different times of distress and the prayers that have been asked and answered. Mind boggling, at best.

It didn't take look for my prayers to turn to praise. For what I have, for what I have seen - even the ability to pray. For you, for me - we share this life together. Our bits and pieces with each other. I found myself praising for the sake of who He is and that was enough for me. Might sound strange but it was a glorious time and in the end, my prayer was answered in a way I never imagined. Today was a good day not because of a fabulous outcome but because I was once again reminded whose I am. That and Miss M and M decided independently that it was Pigtail Day. Thank you Jesus...

short...

Life is a bunch of short Moments, both good and bad, strung together. We tend to always see it as a Big Picture but the truth is, Life is short. If tomorrow comes, we will add a new day's memories to our list of short Stories. A memory made in an instant. A banner strung with the many Stories of our lives. Short and sweet...

invisible...

US Congressman Chris Lee. If his name doesn't seem familiar, you may have seen his photo. The half-dressed, shirtless man, holding a phone was the photo he sent to a woman on Craiglist. To make sure there was no misunderstanding, he emailed his incorrect age, incorrect marital status and a few other misnomers.

The photo hit the Internet at 233pm. By, 600pm, he had resigned from the House of Representatives. Less than four hours later, from hero to zero.

On a larger front, watching the fall of Egypt's president has been almost unbelievable. Starting on January 25, with a few college protesters and ending on February 11, with a 24 hours crazy time. The end of a 30 year reign, it becomes very evident that business as usual, in not usual.

Time is no longer an issue. There is no Place to hide, everything is invisible. It is almost hard to believe that in the case of the congressman, that he would not get that. Those who have chose the same path before him, surely he had seen the enviable outcome. Did he really think, he would be different? That he was invisible?

For Egypt, it took 18 days. Toppling a roots, deep regime in q short period of time that will re-write history. There was virtually no organization, no core, no leadership and with far less violence than one would imagine. Their voice came in the hundreds of thousands, chanting, waving with roots-deep commitment in their tone.

What does that mean for me and you? No one is invisible. It may appear that you are but you are not. Who you are deep, deep down - will come to the surface. Your root system will be evident at ground level. At your core where you live out your life, starts Somewhere else. A transparent place that is lived out in a very, solid way.

The invisible, made visable. It is for everyone of us. It is for today and tomorrow and all the days, after that. Living a visable life with invisible roots...

Happy Valentime's Day...

Everywhere you go for the last month, you have been bombarded by pink, red, and white hearts in everything from cookies to kitchen towels to cars. Kidnapped by Hallmark, Walmart and most everyone else - we are strong-armed into believing that roses, candy or a red deep fat fryer is what the object of our affection, wants.

It is difficult not to buy/feel guilty about VDay. Here's the thing - if you have a certain Someone in your life, great. Do what you have to do...but if you don't, go find some Love. We are each surrounded by it, we just don't recognize it. Love doesn't look any certain way. There are many different ways to love and be loved. Don't get stuck there. Celebrate tomorrow with the love you seek out. Don't wait for it to come to you, go find something to love. Person, place or thing. Your neighbor, a movie or Starbucks - we can all celebrate the love we do have together. Color outside the lines and love crazy good...

OMG...

We can all relate to this face... those Moments, we can't take back. Like erasing the memory card in your camera. Sending that email without thinking it through. Finding that smell in the car... groceries that never made it in the house.

We all have them. Those darn it, Times, where if we could just have had that 7 second delay like TV people do, we could make it all right but it doesn't work that way. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but learn to live with it.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. Miss M's face is perfect because what I didn't know until I got home was that my camera was on the wrong aperture for the whole day. I had forgotten to change it after Miss M's Valentine shoot. didn't check and shoot happily away, never crossing my mind that there was an issue. Should have know it was that kind of day because when I woke up this morning, checked the weather outside and realized we hadn't locked the front door, all three locks were wide open. Slept like a baby, think we were all safe and sound.

This is my face today but like most of life, I have to let it go. Laugh it off, and try again tomorrow. Another day, another shot at a OMG Moment. Like water off a duck's back, that is just how it is Sometimes...

follow your heart...

Today was Picture Day. Miss Katrina and Ian shared a wonderful idea for classroom Valentine's, so we decided to give it a try.

After many, many takes - we found one. It wasn't anything like what we were going for, what we thought we wanted. Miss M was a trooper but cold, windy weather and not being able to get the right shot, left all three of us, a bit worn out. On our lst attempt, I told DD to go through all the pictures, one more time and see if she could find one that would be useable. In less than a minute, Miss M had fallen asleep and we knew that what we had is what we had.

Welooked...and looked and finally, with new eyes found that going a different direction would have to be in the cards for us. With this in mind, we followed our hearts to this photo. Her energy, smile and the fabulous pose brought back new energy. In her left hand, there will be a lollipop threaded through her hand and with a few valentine doodles, everyone is happy.

When Miss M woke up from her nap, we were loading up our Valentine to Walgreens. We just had to see the Big Picture and follow our hearts. I think they will be perfect and to think we almost missed it because the Plan was in our way...

the roots of Love...

This is the prayer that I pray for each of my gkids every morning. I have taken and will continue to take liberties with this verse, for as long as I pray it.

It is a simple prayer. It is a statement and a belief. It is faith, mine for them and for theirs, as it grows in their life. We are both in different places. While I had no idea about God at their ages, I see that faith seems to come easier to a child. They make sense of Things that we Big People seem to struggle with.

It is a very specific prayer. It reminds me of a root system. What would be the point of praying for protection from the wind, if there was nothing to hold up a tree? There are lots of wonderful, important things to pray for but this, is mine to do for them. They know I pray for them everyday. That is all they need to know. I answer their questions the best I can when asked. If I don't know, I tell them that and get back to them with an answer.

Keaton and i were crusing books last weekend. He is always, always looking at books and this was the first time, he asked to go to the christian section. He read from a few books and made a choice. He had a hard time deciding between 2 of the books - I made it simple, we got them both. That is how we roll.

I don't care what they read or see or feel. If they understand john316 in any context, on any level, that will be enough for me. At their age, I had nothing. No roots, and believe me, every wind that came along - rocked my world. Enough to last a lifetime. Little dudes shouldn't have to live like that but they do. I know them, I understand. I've seen quite a bit. I know what is possible. For many years, that was my root system.

for you so loved me,
that you gave your son.
and now, my root system is deep in you by my own choosing, with all my heart.
so when the winds come,I will be held in strong,loving arms both now and forevermore

Not sure one could ask for more...

Black Heels, Tractor Wheels...

Preorder months ago, Saturday afternoon my book arrived in the mail and it was midnite when I settled in for a bit of reading and two hours later, all was right with the world. I knew the Story, I had spent months reading Pioneer Women's Story, blog post by blog post. She would leave you hanging but you had a piece of her that you carried around with you and shared with your friends. I knew the cast, and I knew the outcome, yet I couldn't put it down.

It is my favorite love Story, ever. I am no Ree and DH is no Marlboro Man, so while there may be a bit of longing, I wouldn't trade Stories with her. My wedding and reception Story may be publishing fodder with my atheist family and his latter day saints bunch. My uncle was going around trying to get money from everyone, I had no idea at the time. The evening ended after we left and my male relatives, well past drunk by now, decided they really did not like new husband and they tried to go after us and bring me back. Stepmother hid keys, and put an end to that plan. Could you write a book about one night? Oh my, imagine that.

Ree's Story will bring back those feelings of early love. The crazy kind that may look different to each of us but there is a familiarity that we can all identify with. You add her brother Mike, her sister Betsy, her wonderful soon-to-be MIL and you have a Story that rivals, Gone With The Wind. Rhett and Scarlett, McDreamy and Grey, and Popeye and Olive Oyl have nothing on Ree and Marlboro Man. Still, I wouldn't trade her places for all the money in the world. I wouldn't miss the life I have, or the people I have been giving to love but there is just Something about a great Love Story that makes most of us, just swoon and this is that kind of Story. Do yourself a favor, take a trip down BHTW lane...

know better, do better...

The quote is from Maya Angelou. In theory, it should work. In theory, if you put forth the effort with husband, children - most anything, there should be a good outcome.

Every time this kid plays basketball, there is a whole team of Big People, cheering him and his brother and sister, on. They have the best support system I have ever seen. People have commented, over the years, at The Fam Club that follows them around.

We do it because we are crazy about them
and because we could do it, no other way...

There may be another lesson of Love that we are teaching them. One that we give little to no thought to - they may pass off this Love to their own children. I think about who they will marry, their kids and grand kids, alot. Praying for those I will never meet, those who these guys will Someday be responsible for. If our Love takes them Down that Path, it would just be icing on the proverbial cake.

We shout, we cheer, we hug, we give high fives. We live a cheerleader existence and, we wouldn't have it any other way. Go Sharks!

cling or flee...

I’ve decided I am too tired to wonder why God allows suffering. I’m too tired for a lot of things. I’ve gotten to the point where I will either give up religion all together, or cling to it like a buoy. 6yearmed.

Could not have said it better myself. Imagine that being a doctor, while as wonderful as it may be, at times - presents like a nightmare. The pain of accidental injuries, and many, more consistent with negligence and Things Far More Sinister.

There is one place that can make a huge difference in your life and that is the relationship between a father and his child. If it is a bad one, it will color everything, for the rest of your life. God, trust, authority figures, learning to become a woman - all colored by the lens you see your father. You learn to live with it but there is always that Lingering doubt.

You can learn to live with it.
You can learn to cope.
You do the best you can and you may find, you would still rather cling than flee

If you don't have the daddy handicap, you have the ability to fly and soar. I could not be more happy for my grandchildren that their father has given them the greatest gift a father can, a great sense of Love. They thrive under his Love and because of that, the idea of a loving God - seems so natural to them. I imagine that the cling or flee response is a bit easier for them. I hope I have learned something from Miss M and my favorite son in law. All dads aren't bad, I know that but it is not, my natural default.

If you aren't as lucky as Miss M, you will have to learn as I have, that God is not like your earthly father. That he is cut from a different kind of cloth and you are doing yourself a disservice, if you continue Down The Path. Cling or flee, the choice is always yours but make sure you use facts not emotions to make those choices...

the marrow of life...

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. ~Henry David Thoreau

Picked up my girl from kindergarten today and had some Miss M time, and this exact theme was going on in my mind. Not word for word, but certainly heart to heart. After sharing our cottage cheese lunch and playing teacher, the idea to get ice cream kept coming back. She never asked, totally my idea but I realized that our days together are coming to a close with her kindergarten season and moving on to first all day grade.

I have enjoyed these special times with each of the kids. She is the last and with it, the close of another season for me. I know it has to happen and accept it with all I have but also, will live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.

353 days until DH retires. The kids will be in school and another chapter will start. I don't know what it will look like, have been trying to imagine it but imagining is not for days like today.

Today was about talking about school as we drove home with the sun shining down,
Today was for sharing our lunch while watching our favorite TV show
Today was for ice cream and being together.

Suck the life out of every day, whatever that looks like to you and start the tomorrow with a new song. Why would we live any other way?

recall...

You know the drill. Postcard comes in the mail, directing you to a local dealer to fix something they found and couldn't shake, on your car.

I hate car dealers whether shopping for a auto or visiting their repair department. They look all the same. Uncomfortable areas with a TV, vending machines and outdated magazines. I came prepared both in mind and spirit. With Diet Coke, Shuffle, book and journal in hand, I headed to my appointed time with car destiny. After repeatedly explaining that I didn't want any of their additional services, I settled in for an hour and 1/2 wait. Can't help but imagine that there wouldn't be a shorter wait, had I opted for extra services. When I get my car back, there is no sign anything was done. We are at their mercy, you wonder if they might have done Something to force you to come back. Later that evening, DH asked, Did they fix it? I didn't even know what it was and I most certainly don't know if they fixed it.

Wish life had a recall system. Get a postcard in the mail, directing you to a dealer who specializes in whatever the problem is, you wait in the customer service department until it is fixed and you go home, happily ever after. The car business seems to have this recall thing pretty well thought out, now if it would only flow over into some other areas of my life, I would be a happy girl...