beyond me...

It is Catch up week for my on-line class so for those of us who were caught up, our teacher issued us a All About Me challenge. These are so hard for me to do. The whole picture of the face and the I like Diet Coke, chocolate and West Wing. This scrapping addiction of mine has taught me the value of sharing more of myself with others, especially my family but I have to make myself happy too.

I am finding I don't mind these AAM pages if they point beyond me. For me there is value if I am part of the stream that describes the River. I struggled with this layout all week and yesterday morning, it just fell together. The night before I was thinking it was time to take the naked Dove old lady picture. Somewhere I do have a naked back photo so I can add my own tattoos whenever I want - some day when you need a special treat, we will go there but for today, I wanted to use my senses and came up with this somewhat sentimental ditty.

It is pure, honest and exactly how I feel.

However our paths crossed, I hope you walk away feeling hopeful that anything is possible.

It is not about me, it is about beyond me. I would like you to see past me to Him. I would like you to see that He is real. Not about rules or religion, He is so far beyond what I could ever explain so I have to live it. I could belt out the spiritual laws and recite John 3:16 but that is not me. I am more of a pointer. Beyond me - His Way.

Beyond me, beyond you. Beyond what we do for Him, Beyond what we do in His name. All pointing at us needs to be diverted to Him. If I can make you understand that I truly believe that anything is possible, then He will take your hand and show you the Rest. That is how it should be...

work in progress...

I could never be a contracter/builder. I am into instant gratification. I hate this part of the construction - half up and half to go. It is unattractive. It just seems like it is in limbo. That it won't be of any use until it is decorated, the furniture is in place and the pictures are on the wall.

I have a hard time with a work being in progress.

I realized that translates in my Real Life. Sometimes when I am not at the Top of my Game, it is because I have forgotten that I am a work in progress. I can live to be 200 years old and I will never be decorated, have my furniture in place and all the pictures in the wall. This just dawned on me today. I see my weeds, half finished construction and my unattractive exterior when what I want is a perfectly gorgeous building that I and others can admire. If I have to imagine myself in this unfinished state for all my days on this earth, two things could happen.

I could spend the rest of my days being mad and repulsed at my state of being. Always wanting what is not possible, not accepting my limitations and presenting a false self could be a way of life if I wanted to choose it. My other option would be to see what I am and accept it. Accept that this side of heaven, there will be weeds and windows without glass. I would have to delay having the beautiful building with all extras, for now. Learning to live with being a work in progress is a tough thing to face but this picture of a soon-to-be bank will remind me of what is Now and what is possible, Later.

It's about embracing What is and looking forward to What will be. Can one really learn to love a work in progress? I'm sure going to try...

mother of all yard sales...

12 hours and a $1000 dollars later, the yard sale is over. Those 12 hours don't include sorting and pricing but not a bad 2 day haul. This was a 7 person yard sale and there was definitely something for everyone. At the end of the second day - after our very successful Anything You Can Get In A Bag For A $1 sale, there were 3 bags and a few boxes that had to be taken away.

It truly was a beautiful sight to behold. Perfectly folded clothes all sorted by size and brillantly displayed ( see Little Girl, I do appreciate your fine work!) to fABulous signage. There is nothing worse than chasing a sign to a non-existant yard sale - not on our watch. Someone even commented on our great signage. Ah, what a compliment.

At the end of the day, you walk thru the house and realize that you don't even miss what was sold. The house doesn't look empty and you went thru the having everything you needed. For me, it is not so much about the money but I try to enjoy the people I will meet during the sale. Sometimes they don't make it very easy but I keep trying...

I always make it a point to ask them how they are. Not a welcomer but nature - it is a great opportunity to trade some time with others on the Path. ..

a 45 year old woman who refuses to use paper napkins, only cloth. She also shuns paper plates and cups. She bought a bunch of unfinished checkered napkins.

the man who seemed to just have been released from prison who knew nothing about Rescue Heros for his 5 year old son, He bought a bunch and came back later in the day in a suit on a motorcycle to buy more.

a young woman with a Down's Syndrome cute as a bug little girl who was so thankful for the $1 sale. I helped her pack all her finds in her car and I noticed in the back seat next to her daughter's car seat - a hanging IV bag with milk or a white substance. She couldn't stop saying thank you - for the goodies and the help.

There were also a few of the less of the best. After haggling with one woman, I doubled the price of the item. she thought I was kidding. Her grown children made the comment that she had finally met Someone who wouldn't put up with her crap...

All in all, it was another great Lesson in His children. Red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in His Sight. Jesus loves all His children in the world and I am so trying...

touch...

Week three of my online class brought the theme of touch. I don't think I understood how important touch was until a few years ago. When my FIL first entered the nursing home, I noticed how much the older people would reach out for my attention. I am not one that is comfortable with stranger touching. Even at church, there are those people who are natural huggers but don't always take into consideration, their audience.

I could hug my own family forever and do, There have been times I have hugged people I have just met - it came natural and I felt it was the thing to do but it is a different world. There are still people that want to touch a pregnant women's belly -these days being pregnant can be a dangerous thing. You might be safer to just let everyone think you have added more than a few pounds and have lost your ability to push yourself away from the table.

Going back to the nursing home, maybe because the VA is 99% men - the few times I have been grabbed have freaked me out. I am sure they meant no harm and just wanted a little human contact but I was the wrong person for that job. I pray for the staff - what a job they have.

My layout for my class had to be about Morgan and Mommy's hair. This weekend at the yard sale with so much coming and going - she had a hold of her mommy's hair alot. Funny what comforts us. Sometimes all we need is a little touch...

Ode to summer2007...

Yesterday was the first day of summer. The longest day of the year. We got to see/feel the sun for the greatest amount of hours in one day for the whole year. This is the top of the mountain. Everyday from now on, will get progressively shorter. We won't notice it for most of the summer. It was almost 10PM last night before it was dark. That and it was 96 degrees. We are trying to set up out little pool but have not had much success. For the next two days, we are having the mother of all Yard Sales. The temperature is suppose to hold - that pool would sure feel good. By the time we get it going - it will probably be dark by 930.

The splash of water will remind us of Summer for all of our days. I imagine when I am 70, the sound and feel of water on my skin on a hot day will still bring back memories of summers gone by.

As for summer 2007, I plan to enjoy it throughly, everyday and since we are burning daylight now - time to get a move on. Happy Summer to you all!

God and flash...

My husband always says that God doesn't do flash. He isn't about the glitter and glam, or fireworks or even the beautiful people. We judge quickly and harshly those things we seem out of place. The plain and mundane don't get our full attention. We forget that He works in His own mysterious ways.

We spend a lot of time trying to figure Him out. We should spend less time encouraging each other to pursue the whys of Him and more time enjoying those wonderful, mysterious and surprising ways.

All talent comes from God regardless of the beliefs of the talented one. Don't waste time on trying to make sense of it - just enjoy...

fluid...

I was helping Brando today get ready for the Mother of all Yard Sales this weekend. The garage is already full and there is more stuff coming. Our task today was to finish going through boxes of her stuff and getting a tag on everything.

We were doing stuffed animals and she ask me to put all the stuffed animals that were in the red box in the green tote... And I did just that. Next to the red box were a few stray animals but I didn't pick them up because they weren't in the red box. This is the anal side of me that I am not in love with.

I want to be more fluid. Like the picture of the water splashing against the rocks - no two drops the same and a random stream of mist that seems to have its own natural rhythm. There is nothing anal about being fluid. Fluid has ying and yang, back and forth and a recklessness that borders on being a little out of control.

Can you learn to be more fluid? Like learning a new craft - can you practice your way to include more ying and yang in your life? I hope so. Unlike learning to play a musical instrument where talent can make the difference between music that sounds like it came straight down from heaven or a well-played piece, with no depth or emotion.

The very nature of being fluid is emotion. That is what the anal side is missing out on. The job gets done in a very satisfactory manner but has tunnel vision. So much of what Jesus taught was fluid and so many of us are anal, it is almost like re-learning what we thought we already knew. More and more, I come to believe that being with Jesus is a little reckless and borders on being a little out of control.

Just like taking everything out of the red box and putting it in the green tote, I need to look around. What am I missing? What is right in front of my face that if I miss - I will be sorry? For me, it has to be a daily reminder. Other things come more easily. For those things that don't, I just need to let the water splash on my face and refresh me. Ah...that feels better.

trouble...

So I placed an ad for my antique kitchen cabinet on a local on line classified board. When I got home Friday night, I had this email waiting for me.

Hello... am intrested in buying this item for a client and am payming you the money order.. so if this is okay by you get back to me with your full name,address and phone number for the payment. about the shipping am going to handle it ,so get back to me now My Name is: mark

Ok, it looks odd to me but being Miss theglassishalfempty, I wanted to give my fellow man a chance. Still, I wrote back,

Mark, are you wanting to buy the cabinet without seeing it? Can you explain about the shipping - are you going to pick it up from my house? Trying to see this from both sides and certainly want your client to be happy with their purchase...

Didn’t hear anything until Sunday afternoon and then this email came,

HELLO ,
THE CASHIER CHECK THAT WILL BE SENT TO U WILL CONSIST UR ITEM MONEY ,THE SHIPPING FEES AND MY OWN COMMISSION AS THE AGENT,SO MY CLIENT PROMISED TO ISSUE OUT A payment TO U WHICH WILL BE ENOUGH TO HANDLE ALL THE TRANSACTIONS.MY CLIENT SEEMS TO BE VERY INTERESTED IN PURCHASING UR ITEM AND HE DOESNT WANT ANY OTHER PERSON TO BUY IT. HOPE ALL IS WELL AND UNDERSTOOD?

The only question i will like to ask u is;

1. can we trust u with the money?

2. will u be able to wire transfer the excess the same day u receive the PAYMENT ?



3. is the item is brand new?

4. can we take u for ur words?

with ur reply to this questions,it will give me the power to authorise my client to issue out the check for u as soon as possible.
and again which name is to be written on the payment that will be sent,is it going to be on the address u gave me or what?
get back to me ASAP to futher show ur interest in selling the item for my client.

Regards

My last and final email went like this,
Sorry, item no longer for sale...

Sometimes trouble isn’t as easy to spot. Sometimes it is and we go ahead anyway knowing that it is too good to be true. I will hold on to my cabinet for a bit longer, me thinks. This kind of trouble, I don’t need…

PS. I was at the bank today and the teller asks for my debit card. Long Story, but when I told her about the cabinet – she was very interested. I have sent her pictures and waiting to see what she thinks. Would be a hoot if she bought it. Funny how things happen…

99 balloons...

This is a Story about Eliot
and his most fabulous parents.
It is also a Story about
being grateful for every Moment.
But most of all,
it is a Story about seeing
the Big Picture.
Its about going with God's Flow,
no matter how it manifestes itself.
The weekend brought a lot of reflection time for me
The constant is always Jesus, no matter what the circumstances
and if I live it, I can celebrate my life everyday, no matter what.
Jesus continues to find new ways to steal my heart...
99 balloons brought it all together...
You can check out more of Eliot's Story at http://www.ninetynineballoons.com/...

paths...

The last few days, I have found finding myself strangely attracted to non-human photos. Ok, but this lady seemed oblivious to the people who were walking by her. I had to capture her being able to be in her Moment while the rest of the world was doing their thing.

Our photography field trip started out with no plan. It was my job to decide where, which I failed miserably at. On our last trip, we decided to go where there were lots of people to shoot. We needed some models that we didn't have to bribe or drag with us. We thought the people of Downtown would fit that bill nicely but as today's trip started to unfold, people didn't seem to fit where we were Today. We headed back to where I had taken Brandi's pictures on Tuesday and thought we would scout it out for family shoots. It turns out that the is our place of choice for family shots - now if we can get the Family there.

As we walked around, there were no people around. I found myself loving the flower and water shots. After a while, we went across the street to the second park and there were more people than nature. Nothing much to look at so we headed to the third park. Again not much to look at but this rose garden. I have gone past it many, many times. Never stopped, never saw a reason too. Roses are everywhere and when you put so many of them together - it is almost too much - like you are the middle of a victorian tea ( which I would totally RUN AWAY from) but we walked around and got some nice, tight shots. I tried to concentrate on being in the Moment and not LOOK for people and for the most part was successful. There were a couple of young women who had parked themselves right in front of a rose bush in the shade and they had their sketch books and watercolor pencils out. I was immediately drawn to them and started snapped away.

So here's my deal. I want to live a balanced life and I want to be immediately drawn to where I need to be. I want to see what I need to see whether anyone else can see it or not. I want to be aware of my surroundings but be ready to go in a second. For my whole God life, I have been told that He has a plan for my life. My life - each of us does and they are not the same. You may be with me when my path becomes apparent but you may not even notice the difference.

I walked down a lot of paths today. They were all beautiful. They would all be perfect for me but there is only one I really need to worry about and that is the One meant for me. I may have to walk down Many to find mine but that is part of the Process. May you find your path, your way, the One that is waiting just for you.

a wonderful life...

I met a lady today. She told me right up front, she was a feminist. She moved to our town a while back but admitted there is not enough differnet kinds of people. Ok, and This is the best part - she does Roller Derby.

My german Oma was a mild mannered women...until Roller Derby came on TV. She couldn't get enough of the elbowing and smacking each other around. These are fond memories for me and because when roller derby was ON, she didn't watch my sister and I as close as usual. One time we found the family address book and invited everyone with a phone number to dinner that night - unfortunately no one showed up. I can remember being quite disappointed even with a

red bottom from a good spanking .

Anyway my new friend and I went on to have a spirited conversation. She's 20 years younger, we have unsimiliar backgrounds and not much in common but there was a connection. The one thing we did agree on was that we both were high-maintenance and weren't princesses. We laughed and shared and genuinely appreciated each other. The one thing I shared with her is to not be upset if some of her strong feelings start to wane as she gets older - usually to be replaced by different passions. Those of us with strong feelings keep them for a lifetime. They are an ever-present part of who we are.

Our lifestyles could not be more different. The Roller Derby life is a wild one and this wild child is enjoying every moment. I think it is her way of acting out her Wonder Woman alter-ego. My Wonder Woman wants to clobber people too but not exclusive to any one group

As we parted, I gave her a big hug and she hugged me big back. Another Moment to delight in and another chance to meet one of God's girls. I don't think she realizes how much He would love to share Roller Derby with her. I hope Someday, she gives Him the chance...

you just never know...

I said something about taking some pictures on her birthday but never, ever expected that she would agree. I don't know what got into her but it sure felt like it was my birthday. She is absolutely gorgeous - I have been asked, This is Your girl?. DH and I always say this is what happens when ugly people mate. When she was a teen and we were at the mall, I would see young and old men stare at her and yesterday at the mall, it happened twice again. I can't tell you how happy I was taking these and when I got home,downloaded my chip - I couldn't believe the shots I had.

Whille I am not lying about my grown up beauty, I did tell a lie yesterday. In my own defense, I was caught off guard. Maybe it wasn't exactly a lie but if I would be able to do it over, knowing the answer would not be popular, I would have been blunt and honest. As I thought about it, I realize that we lie for main different reasons, not always just for our own benefit. I am not shocked at how easy lying is. How fast is rolls off the tongue and its own justification, not far behind. I don't think all lies are wrong or that you could go through life never telling a lie. You also can lie to make others feel better - that is not healthy either.

I wish I could take my own lying pulse and record when I lie and why. I might feel better about myself...or not. I even find myself telling my gks the Truth and sometimes that gets me in trouble. So as I don't see my taking the lying test, I want to be aware of when I am less than honest and what that costs to myself and others. There has to be a balance and I am still looking for it. Reminding myself that life is a process not a destination - I stop looking for the finish line and just look where I am going. As for today, it was FABulous and that is no lie!...

a whole new world...

Some things never change. Our zoo, for sure. They added a butterfly exhibit and managed to rangle a red panda but pretty much it is the same zoo as when my girl was little. I smiled to myself when I heard the family behind me wondered which direction the elephants might be. Oh, I hope they weren't counting too much on seeing any pachydermy - but kids, they are thrilled to death because not only are there monkeys and penguins but cheeseburgers and ice cream!

It is nice to have some stability in the world around us. Thirty four years ago today, I had a busy morning. I started having labor pains about 1030PM the night before and by 1230AM, I was on my way to the hospital. By 250AM, my little princess made her way into the world. There were no grams back then and the doctor swore it was a boy throughout the whole pregnancy. When I got to the hospital the day before ( my water broke and then sent me home until labor pains began), there was an issue abut how many babies I might be having. The nurse with much experience swore we were having triplets -she heard three distinct heartbeats and the doctor didn't want any surprises in the delivery room. For a good hour, most of us involved were in tears. It would have been the first set of triplets every born in that hospital. They finally ruled out triplets so we were good to go.

It was a whole new world being a mommy and now some 30 ish years later, a whole new world has taken on a different meaning. The internet, terrorism and catching predators is our world now. She has grown up and is a mommy herself now but she will always be my little one. Happy Birthday Little Girl - I LOVE YA! Some things you can always count on, like a mommy's love and our little zoo.

the beginning of summer...

The calendar may not agree and while we need it for some things, we sure don't need a calendar to let us know that summer is here.

Last week brought the end of school and the weekend brought a awesome water fight. It is a custom of the Wet and Wild parade to provide watertainment after the traditional floats, horses and dancing girls. You know what is coming - the warning comes before the water. We are not talking damp but all out WET. Those who choose not participate need to find shelter and take cover.

This boy couldn't wait for this part of the parade to begin. Armed with only a tiny squirt gun, he took on the flow with all his might. He looked forward to the one on one water combat action and loved every minute of it. During the calmer times, he would look back at me - I was behind him, trying to take pictures while ducking behind a pickup and I would give him the thumbs up sign. It was a great day. We headed home, happy with our day.

Sunday Mother Nature decided on a water game of her own. We woke up to grey skies and pouring rain. Not exactly how we pictured the second half of our weekend but that is how summer is. You can mostly count on fun, sunny days but you just never know. Summer is not much different that Real Life. There are places where you can choose to participate or not - and some places where you have no choice. As Keaton says, Get what you get and don't know a fit. Good advice- sounds like something I could incorporate into my week, think I will give it a try...

sting...

I needed to touch base with the social worker at the VA where my FIL resides. He has been forgetting more and more - basic things like where his room is and on what florro. At our last care meeting, they indicated that he had become less cooperative and even mean. As the social worker and I exchanged notes, it was clear there was more serious problems going on. Lets say he has become inappropriate toward women and the the standard order is two nurses have to be with him at any given time. So many issues here but suffice it to say, I have visited him for the last time. When I explained what was going on to my DH, he immediately said, You're done - no more. He will do all the visiting from now on - I will continue to go to the care meetings with the staff but my visits with L are over - the next time I see him will be at the funeral home.

There is a strange feeling attached to all this. Certainly one of relief, again, many issues that have brought us here but he is the last of our combined parents. I realized this afternoon you can never completely be free of guilt. My goal has always been to wipe guilt off my slate but today I think guilt is something we have to live with. Whether real or imagined, good or bad - guilt is part of our human emotions and learning to live with it may be a healthy thing. I truly believe this is best of all of us - I feel bad for my husband. How difficult a thing it can be when it is your own parent. Whatever the rest of L's days look like, for his sake, I hope they are few. For my sake, they are already done...

pushing beyond...

I started a month long on line sensory digital class this week. Our first week's focus is on sight. Our assignment was to take a photo or layout we had already done with little or no journaling and use our sense of sight to look deeper and push beyond what we originally saw.

It didn't take me long to figure out that on powerful pictures, I would become completely overwhelmed and could never find words to do it justice so I would give it a title and a few swigglies and call it good. This photo was so strong for me, I scrapped it on a blue piece of paper and gave it a Sand and Surf title. After a few good suggestions, I began to push back. I tried to recall what I was thinking when I took the photo. I LOVE taking these back shots. They tell their own Stories and that is what I am always after. To me, a photo must tell a Story. We take photos to document people and events but going that extra step can turn a plain document that tells who, what and where into a Story that leaves you wanting More. It is these kind of photos that have traditionally stunned me into non-action.

I had no idea that Week one would be so powerful. It can't help but spill over into other parts of my life. It is amazing to me how creativity just keeps unfolding in my life. Being a life long anal, when I started to exercise my creative muscle - I had no idea of the Places I would go. Learning to explore and see the world in a different Light - I just didn't see that coming.

I have never been one to like school or assignments. A few years ago I had to take a college credit Microbiology class for my job and I almost got thrown out when the talk turned to social issues that I did not agree with. I am too old to keep my mouth shut so even if I was inclined which I am not, I would never make it. Could never bit my tongue for a grade.

I have learned alot since then and going creative seems to be a great fit. I can't wait for week 2 and I am even considering sending my teacher a cyber red apple. The things you can learn if only you are willing...

the Time of my life...

I am 55 years and 192 days old. I don't know why I had to do the math today but I did. There are things that have not happened to me in all those days and now, many of them are not possible ever again in this life. As a friend was having surgery today, I realized I would never have a diagnosis of breast cancer as a young woman. Funny how praying for someone else can bring up issues in one's own life.

I have gone through this list before. Many times - Fears that dogged me as a young woman...

I will never be a young widow.
I have danced at my daughter's wedding.
I have lived to be older than my mother.

When you put it all together, I have had the Time of my Life. If it ends tomorrow, I feel like I am rich beyond measure. That is how I truly feel - I am so grateful for every day from now on.

On the off chance that I live pass tomorrow, there are so many things to look forward to. Saturday morning before I went to the funeral, I found this video on You Tube. Thanks James and Julie for sharing your Dance with us. Not only is one of my favorite songs and I realize why- it is my Love Song to Jesus. BTW, I identify with the dancing babe in the blue skirt, she ROCKS. To the Powers that be - feel free to play this at my funeral. The bad and the good, all of it. I wouldn't change a minute of it. Not one minute...

I searched through every open door
until I found, the Truth
and I owe it all to You...

children...

I ran across this quote this weekend and couldn't get my pen out fast enough. Funny that is would be written by a little yellow bear, so much Wisdom from Someone who lives in a remote forest but you never know where the Good Stuff may come from.

If ever there is a tomorrow

when we are not together

there is Something

you must almost remember...

You are braver than you believe,

Stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think

but the most important thing is,

even if we are apart...

I will always be with you... Winnie The Pooh

I think that is the theology of most parents. I saw Denzel Washington on Oprah a while back and he said for as long as he could remember, his mom's nightly prayer was - Bless my children and my children's children.

The closest we ever get to understanding God's love for us is when we become parents. Having children can help that selfish part in each of us, disappear. We take on the care and feeding on Someone out side of ourselves and waht we thought was important, no longer is.

Now, imagine God and His love for us. We never know what is coming our way on any given day. We are not able to physically reach out and touch God now... but there is Something we must always remember,

We are braver than we believe,

Stronger than we seem

and smarter than we think

but the most important thing is,

even if we are apart,

He will always be with us...

For Ryan and Amy...

no words...

Nine days ago, their oldest son graduated from high school

24 hours later, he was gone - along with his two brothers and his dad.

Gone in a moment, leaving their mom and sister to find the strength to go on.

Seven days later, the four hearses are lined up at the the church.

Parking lots are overflowing at two off site churches

and across the street at the middle school.

We are not the same religion but grief has no religion

I sat in the school parking lot as the funeral started and prayed for them. The tears came so quickly.

I prayed that God would saturate their hearts, their grief and bring them overflowing comfort.

25 minutes after the funeral started, there were still cars looking for parking places

so I left.

Stopped and got a coke and headed for my church, about a mile down the road.

I prayed the same prayers in the near - empty parking lot.

We are all in this life together. Religion can't keep us apart. I grieved with them

with my whole heart.

The serenity prayer, adopted by AA, was part of a sermon written as early as 1934

I never knew there was a second verse, until today.

Living one day at a time

Enjoying one moment at a time

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with You, forever in the next.

Sounds like good preaching to me, no matter who you are...

freedom and satisfaction...

As I pulled out of my garage this morning, I noticed my next door neighbor's flag was still up from Memorial Day. They don't usually have the flag up so I think that is what got my attention. When they bought the house over a year ago, he had just got back from Iraq. I imagine that his idea of freedom is way more personal than mine.

As I drove out of the subdivision, I thought about the cost of our being able to fly our flag whenever we want to. It didn't come cheap - some pay much more than others. I thought about the cost of being a free people and how sometimes, it seems like maybe the cost is too much. The thought of being satisfied kept popping in my mind - what does it take and when is enough, enough and these two, freedom and being satisfied, just don't seem simpatico.

As the day wore on, they took turns popping in and out. I still couldn't see any corelation..so on the way home from karate, here they came again. This time they presented a united front. Ok, Ok, I'm listening...

Still not sure I am getting the whole Big Picture but this is what I did get.

We are free to do anything we want as we search for that satisfaction but there is a cost. Use it wisely..

That's it... Nothing else...

Still not sure what to do with it - hoping for Part 2, real soon. Maybe I should ask my neighbor - it might make perfect sense to him...

outstanding in his field...

My DD called this morning and Keaton was chosen as to receive the Citizenship of the Year award in his class. I was not surprised. His teacher thinks he hung the moon and she isn't even related to him. The rest of us already know about this spectacular kid. Funny, last year when he had the Worst Teacher Ever, he won it too. Even she recognized that he deserved it.

This is one amazing kid. Not just because he is mine. He is kind, he is eager to please, he helps at school. He spent the night and on Monday as we headed for town, there was a Memorial Day service going on and they just started to release the balloons as we waited for the light to turn green. I had Steve pull over and I whipped my camera out of my purse. Keaton asked about what was going on and we gave him the 411. He has always be sensitive to those who have passed away in the family. He talks endlessly about his great-grandfather,(on his dad's side) who he has never met but when he talks about him, it is as if, they are the best of buds.

If you look up kindness, goodness and love in the dictionary - you would see his picture. There is no other award he could when that could make me more proud. Given the choice, I would prefer to see him win citizenship over academics. Smart has it's own troubles - people put you down to make themselves feel good but the true character of any person is the ability to love. I can learn a lot from this kid - I hope some of him is rubbing off on me. He makes being Christ-like look so simple. In a field of love-wantabees, he is outstanding in his field.

It's a secret... Monday morning, we will all be at his school to honor him. He will have his own little cheerleading section and be showered with praise and a few prizes but we are the ones who are indebted to him. Great job, buddy. Thank you for showing me the way...

Someone loves me...

I have been going crazy with some life stuff. It wakes me up in the middle of the night and I start thinking, then I can't go back to sleep. It does border on obsessive. I get that way when Something doesn't make sense but I keep trying to make it work. Like putting a square peg in a round hole. You know it won't work but you keep trying.

Then Someone comes along and says, "Hey, I am telling you that square peg is NEVER going to fit in that round hole. I have tried it a million times - Have studied it and the physics prove it just won't work, give it up".

I can't tell you the relief I felt after Someone shared that with me. It was like a light bulb went off. Someone is right - this won't work. Time to make a change. Time to make it right.

I lose perspective so quickly sometimes. There is this little voice that tells me, Just try a little harder, you can do it. You are a smart girl. The fact of the matter is, a smart girl will do what has to be done and is not afraid to change if change is necessary.

I love Someone. Someone brought some sanity back to my life. It was just what I needed today. To get what you need on any given day is about the greatest thing ever...

creative...

Sometimes there was a storm in her brain... One of my favorite quotes from my favorite jeweler, Sally Jean. How did she know that is how I operate????

That explains not only my creative process but my life process too. Had a great weekend - a little fun, a little picture taking, a little time for creativity and more picture taking. There were many storms in my brain this weekend and I didn't mind a bit.

I find that if I study areas of my life that I think may be not hold the Big Answers, not only am I wrong but I learn Something.

The Anatomy of a Layout...

This layout started out as lavendar with green flowers and color photos. Then I changed the photos to black and white - left everything else as it was. Then adding bling seemed like a good idea. Now I have to say there was probably 1/2 hour between all these revelations. My mind had to rest but with the gnawing going on the background, I knew we weren't done. When I decided that the bling was workable and would stay - I was happy, for a few minutes. Then I started playing with some actions and about the sixth one, I came up with this version and I was sold. No more play. The voices were silent.

Pretty much like my Real Life. I do not always have the luxury of time. Yesterday as we were in the car, as we passed the cemetary, they were having a celebration and released a group of balloons. I got my camera out and turned it out as fast as I could and snapped away. Sometimes, you only have seconds to decide on a kindness or word to a stranger. On very rare occasions, everything falls into place and it seems so easy. For a while, the storms pass...but we know they will come again but for now, the silence is quite nice...

what I do know...

Imagine you are not yet forty, have a 2 year old and just found out you have breast cancer. A week and one day ago you were living your life and in a second, you have a new Journey. Not quite a week after your diagnosis, you learned you would be having surgery in less than 10 days and chemo after that...

I can't get her off my mind - I'm not sure how to help. I have offered to make meals and willing to do whatever I can to help. I don't know what else to do.

Tonight I sent her this email. For all that I don't know, I thought I might share Something with her of which I am positive. It won't explain why and it make not bring any comfort today but I hope Someday it will...

Dear A,

I have no experiences to share with you. I have never been anywhere near where you are now. I do not know anyone who has ever had breast cancer. There is nothing in my arsenal of life’s journeys that can give you advice. No information or statistics I can throw your way to make you feel better, understand where you are or where you going.

Physically, this is your journey. None of us will go through what you will. We are not there with you at night when the fears seem to grow so much faster and seem so much bigger. In a physical sense, this may seem like a long road and that you are all alone. What I can share with you is – whatever you are feeling, you are not alone.

There are so many of us who will walk this way with you. You may never see us or even know all of us but we are there. I can only imagine that God has put you on our hearts all hours of the day so you are always covered in prayer. There may be times when you may see us in person – maybe to bring a meal or take Sam out for ice cream but the majority of the time that we will be with you, you will never see or hear us.

Your world has been turned upside down in the last week. While overwhelming to you, the God who made you is not. Personally, I am going to stand with Him. He knows the Way and I am chasing after Him, with you in tow.

Live in the Moment, my friend. Not because of where you are but because you are here. None of us have any guarantees to tomorrow and to be in the everyday is the only way to live, no matter who you are or what your circumstances. I have held you tight in my heart and will continue to do so….love zalaine

pomp and circumstance...

is something one should experience every few years. As soon as you hear that first note, you are magically transported back to your own high school years and when you look back - what a memory!

Their speeches were littered with thanks to family and teachers for support. As with most graduations presentations, their words were full of hope and pride for the future. There is Something unique about this season of your life. They shared songs that reflect that thinking - Invincible, and Find Your Wings. They see the future as only one can wearing a cap and gown. It might be the only time in your life when anything is possible and you are scared to death, all at the same time.

My favorite moment of any graduation is when they let loose and throw their caps in the air. All those rehersals. Practicing all those names, finally it is over and their Real Life is about to begin.

That night was 38 years ago for me. June 13, 1969. Somewhere there is a class picture of the event. When we moved from our first house, it was several months later - the family who bought the house found the picture and got it back to me. We spent grad night at Disneyland - I lived a stone's throw from the place. They locked us in and because the park was only open to our school, we didn't have to wait in line for anything.

The class of 2007 will do fine and I would imagine that in 38 years, they will look back and when they hear Pomp and Circumstance, it will bring them back to this night. Go Bulldogs!

define...

Define
to state
set forth
to explain
identify
to specify
determine
fix boundaries
to make clear
outline
and limit.

My sister and I had this conversation last week. She is a married woman, no children and has always worked. She defines herself by the job she has at - any given moment so her self worth is fluid and fused with her employment reality. I worked over 25 years and hated 95% of it. A job to me was always about a paycheck, my heart was always at home. Even if I had been childless, the hum of the dryer and cooking a fine meal would be my preference. During those working years I defined myself not by either working or non-working but by being a smart-ass. If you met me, I wanted you to walk away with that impression. I could've cared less if you like me or not but if you could see that trait in me, I was happy.

I think the way we define ourselves changes like the Seasons of our lives. While I am a wife, mother and nana - and these roles are my heart, I can't define myself by any of them. I am a scrapbooker, a photographer and a blogger but those hats, while they describe me, also can't define me.

I was a West Wing fanatic - still am. I would always get a chill when someone said, I serve at the pleasure of the President Of The United States. My heart would swell up and I could almost feel myself holding my head up a little higher. The way I define myself these days is simple - I serve at the pleasure of Jesus.

All the places I could define myself would give me a false point of reference. When I have used them in the past, I found myself in trouble. When you have a false point of reference, all your decisions are based on that reference being ultimately perfect and there is nothing perfect but Him.

Don't think I am so smart -I just realized this today but I also understand this has been going on for awhile, I just didn't recognize it. More and more, I see I have no real control, only over myself and I/we/multiple personalites might argue that point very successfully. I serve at the pleasure of Jesus - each and everyday.

That is how I see myself -
state
set forth
explain
identify
specify
determine
fix boundaries
make clear
outline
and limit.
this is how I define myself...

young Love...

Had a great time Sunday doing this engagement shoot with this awesome couple. I was reminded of that young love that we all experience in our youth. It is intense, silly and oh so real. As we followed them around, it was obvious that they care for each other a great deal. I got a good feeling about these two - I know there are no guarantees but they seem to have a beginning. Their wedding is in late July and I look forward to sharing their wedding day with them.

Young Love - remember that? That awakening in the deepest parts of our hearts that makes us want to be with another. It is not a stage of life that you can stay in forever but it's mountain top experience prepares you for life later on, in the valley. More than the love of a human, it reminds me of the time I fell in love with Jesus.

Giddy is the only word that explains how I felt. To accept unconditional love for the first time in my life will always be an extraordinary time for me. I was higher than a kite. I am positive I really had no idea beyond Jesus loved going thru my mind. I wasn't thinking about church or bible study or the rules that would follow. For that time, it was about being in love - a Love like no other.

I pray that the love these two share will extend to Him. That they keep Him close as they start their life and add to their family. It is hard to see the forest for the trees - but as they move down their path, May Jesus be a such a part of their lives and their children's lives.

We all need to experience that kind of Love more than once in a lifetime. Maybe it will come as a result of a miraclous answer to prayer or the lyrics of a long forgotten song. That feeling of being flooded with love, more than you can hold to. Washing over you again and again. Watching young love like this is a wonderful reminded of your First love. I hope I always remember...

resonate...

Resonate - rez' a nat - to amplify...

All it takes is a beginning...and from there is can spread and spread and spread and spread.

I really hadn't planned on going to church today. I didn't want to but as it turned out, I needed it more than I could have imagined.

The preacher talked about several families going through unimaginable trials. One woman's husband died at her mother's funeral. " How do you keep the Joy? was his question. Sometimes you need to keep your joy on the inside. Grieve with a friend. Don't offer the proverbial God needed another flower for His Garden. Sometimes joy has to resonate from the inside. Its effect will still be the same if not more vibrant, more deeply felt and maybe, more sincere.

Couple 1 came in and then Couple 2. Couple 2 came because of Couple 1. Resonate in action. It jolted me back to His Reality. Whether in the deepest of grief or on the verge of a new journey - showing someone where the Water is may be the greatest love we can lavish on each other. It is up to them to decide if they want to Drink. That choice can never be made for someone else. Grace is a free gift but can't be given by us. That kind of Love resonates from Him and Him alone. Sometimes our only job is just to show up...

picture of the day...

I am now 6 1/2 months into the POTD thing. I would like to say it has gone smoothly but it hasn't. I can also say it still has not become a habit. I still have those times when it is 9PM, I jump out of my skin and remember, I haven't taken my POTD for the day.

The whole picture taking thing has not been what I expected. At the very beginning, when it was in the thinking phase - I expected it would help me to take better pictures. By day 5, a photo of ANYTHING would do. It has turned out to be more of a picture journal than anything. I love taking these pics at the gas station - I have one in November when the price of gas was $2.18. While my skills haven't seen much improvement, I am delighted when I look back to see what any given day was like. Snow, kids playing, shopping or a birthday - it has been worth it just for those daily reminders. On those days when there were mulitple events, I pick the one that I need to remember the most.

There are a few pictures of food. Reminders that I was able to eat and how good that felt. Times with family and friends where food was not an issue but like the POTD, everyday brings something new. Originally when I had this problem in 1994 - after some testing the doctor said, " IT ( swallowing ) doesn't work so be careful when you eat". Sounded a bit strange but I have come to understand it completely. Have had some issues the last few days and it would appear, IT isn't working again.

I would love to feel sorry for myself but I can't. Being able to enjoy a taco, popcorn and a salad has been wonderful. If IT never works again, I am so ok. If IT does, that is great too. I could never imagine eating again and I did. I have experienced a miracle I never expected. Life gets no greater than this - I am truly blessed. Not sure how to do it but today's picture is of a grateful heart...

names...

While checking out at Walmart, I noticed the cashiers name was Katrina. The nightly news had a segment on names the other name and Katrina's name tag jogged my memory about her name. Until hurricane Katrina, it was a very popular name. Had always been in the top 100. Last year there were only 850 babies in the whole country named Katrina.

Emily and Joshua have topped the list as number one names for girls and boys for a long time Funny how we pick names for our newborn. Keaton has a kid in his second grade class who is named after a surfing comic book character. There is a family in our community whose last name is Wolfe and they have a Timber and Grey. I read an Ann Landers piece once where a woman named her off spring with the surgical operations she had been through.

My daughter, being born in the 70's, had a middle name of Sunshine all through my pregnancy. It sounded so cool but in the end, we went with Theresa. For me it was either Zalaine or Heidi - either way, I lose. I guess if I could have forseen the future, I would pick the name I wound up with but knowing there was a mad dash to sign my birth certificate and my dad got there first, it puts a damper on being a lovely sentiment.

You meet some people and can't imagine them having any other name. It is like it was completely out of their parent's control, divinely inspired if you will. I have a hard time with those names who try to come up with unique spelling. Amy aka - Aimee, Ami, Amee. I need it simple - hard to imagine you could not recognize a simple name like Amy but it is becoming more and more popular.

Whatever your name, whether divinely inspired or you are named after a rollercoaster in Iowa - it is something to be proud of. You may never have been able to walk into Target and buy a pencil with your name on it but maybe somehow, it has contributed to who you are today. Even if your name is Katrina...

the joy of comfort...

While the kids were hard at play during Keaton's game last night, I was in deep conversation with a hurting friend. One of her best friends has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. Since she works for an oncologist, she know the score.

We talked about her friend, cancer, getting old, husbands, losing weight and her friend, again. While the conversation had a definite sadness to it, I tried to comfort her as best I could and she accepted. That is not always the case with people during tough times. It is much easier to comfort than to accept that comfort. We were obviously in the right place at the right time and I hope she felt my sincere feelings for what she is going thru.

I had woke up that morning, thinking about this disease thing. We give God the glory when someone is cured of a fatal disease but we are quiet if a cure doesn't come. What do you say? Why one and not the other? Why is one spared and the other not? There is no recipe or theory that will answer my questions, I know that. I'm not sure what I am looking for. On the digi boards when something bad happens, we as a community are asked to pray. I have seen cures and casualities.

With the cures come cheers and smiles. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and thank God everything turned out all right. With the casualities, I have seen an outpouring of comfort- the essense of love come from every direction. When the news is devastating, the only thing we have to offer is comfort. When it is our turn to be comforted, we would be wise to accept it. Allow yourself to be comforted - there can be much joy inside of the pain. It may be the only answer we ever get...

focus...

I am having some focus issues. Usually I can zero right in and get done what needs to be done

but for some reason, I am floundering a bit right now. Maybe it is because there are few empty spaces left on my calendar for the next couple of weeks. Somedays have multiple entries, perhaps it is the feeling of ying and yan and it is driving me crazy.

Maybe it is partly because we have been in a semi-vacation mode for a week and my usual mojo has been disturbed. Tomorrow DH returns to work so I will be back to my regular schedule - maybe I will feel more like myself then. My focus will return and all will be right with the world.

My time to just be has also taking a hit. For me, focus is not just seeing one thing, but keeping my eye on the Big Picture. When I lose focus, it is because I am stuck on a single subject. I can't see any farther than that one thing and that is when I start to get in trouble. I know the signs and it means trouble is near by.

That might be part of the process for me. Obviously I am aware and know what to look for. I know it is just for a season, Soon the lazy, hazy days of summer will be here and my calendar will be empty again. With my new found knowledge in hand, I will let my focus be where it may and enjoy the time...

a perfect Mother's Day...

I could not have had a better day. A picnic with those who are my whole world. Playing in the sand and having help burying my feet. Taking photo after photo - it just made me smile.

As we took turns playing and chilling and I couldn't help but think of those who wish this 24 hour holiday would just be done and gone. I thought of one of our digi girls who lost her son last fall and her first MD without him. There was a whole thread yesterday on DST about women who had lost their mothers, many of them years ago, still with so much pain and loss.

I can't identify with losing a child or mourning the loss of a mother. Honoring parents has very tough for me and I am not very good at it. It has only been in the last few years that MD no longer has a negative hold on me. It has become a celebration of overcoming. A day to be grateful for what is.

These 6 people have made me incredibly happy. I can not begin to tell you how they have more than made up for the first part of my life. I have learned that love is not only possible but Something you can count on. They make me feel like I am the best. Wife, Mom, MIL and Nana.

There is not a greater gift anyone could give. They give it in abundance and I am surround by it on every side.

Still, for those whose day wasn't a great success, like the husband who forgot until a greeter at church wished his wife, Happy Mother's Day! I know it is just a day, a Hallmark - inspired holiday fueled by every retailer who has something to sell. It's not about a card or a gift - it is about feeling loved. It's about being nutured or having someone to lavish your love on.

I have never had a perfect Mother's Day before and I may never again. When you have one like this, you just need to enjoy it. Perfect is oh so lovely...

rest...

Children do it better than Big people. When it is time to slow down or come to a screeching halt, their little selves just let it happen naturally. There is Something about the power of rest that we seem to leave in childhood as if it was useless in our adult lives.

Not sure most of us think about the importance of rest. Not just gettting an adequate amount of nightly sleep but resting when our bodies tell us it is time to stop. I am guilty of pushing through even when there isn't a emergency in sight. I tell myself, I'll rest later - I will catch up in a few days. We never can catch up. By the time we do, it is a 2 day ordeal. We crash and burn - big time.

I am better at it than I use to be. Not because of practice but see the value of little time outs in between Real Life instead of running the race like it was a marathon. The old story about the tortoise and the hare. I always thought of the tortoise as the real loser but I think I was wrong. There is Something to be said for pacing yourself - in pretty much all aspects of your life. It is not wimpy to rest - may even be a sign of higher intelligence although I can't prove that.

Maybe you need to follow a two year old around for a week - do what they do. Learn from them. They haven't had their natural inclinations stifled yet by Big People thinking. Do yourself a favor - may be the best thing you could do for yourself...

details...

There is a lot going on this month. Lots and lots of graduations. One night there are two at the same time - 20 miles apart. Trying to negotiate being at both is impossible - how do you choose?

It is in the details that I find the most difficulty. I get bogged down in the what if's and how to's and everything else gets blurry. I can't focus beyond what I can't get pass. You would think that when things are crystal clear that would make it easier but for me, it doesn't seem to. Single focus would seem to suit my personality but it makes me a crazy girl.

The blurry areas of my life can be denial or lack of focus. Either way, I think the results are still the same. Ignore it and it will go away. If there is pain involved, that too, can be put on hold but there can be plenty of pain in the sharpness of life. When the true focus is up front and personal, it is pretty difficult to deny. Hard to look away and pretend you can't see it.

There have been a few things this month that I had to look smack in the face. No running away, no hiding and no blur. I will have to let go and realize that I have no control. I will have to look at the details, make the best choice I can and live with it.

Maybe just saying it out loud will help. Realizing that the details are not the enemy and sometimes, there may not be a right or wrong answer, The answer will lie with what I can live with. Whether blurry or sharp, it is my decision where I am going to focus...

wealth...

It doesn't look like much. The refrigerator in the garage with a bunch of different drinks but it means the world to me. Not only do I have my family's favorites, ready to go when they come - it reminds me of a time when that same beverage love was shown to me.

It was one of my dad's girlfriends. We spend a summer in her in-ground pool where the snacks and pop never ran low. Stocked never empty, you could count on being treated like a little queen everytime. Somewhere deep down, I knew it wouldn't last. She was married and her husband was a good friend of ours but in that Moment, I took it all in. How I could not? Everytime I went over there, I knew what to expect and it was all good. I still have wonderful dreams about this house and several times a year - it is the same dream. DH buys the house as a surprise and it is exactly as I remember, including a refrigerator filled with pop in the garage.

Wealth is subjective. We judge it by our checkbook balance, our 401k plan and what kind of house we live it. What you drive, what kind of TV you have and or where you go to college. Or not.

Yesterday was perfect. The weather was gorgeous. I spent the day with my girl working on a digital book project. We had lunch and met up later at Keaton's baseball game. I came home, walked thru the garage and grabbed a drink from the refrigerator and smiled.

I am a wealthy woman. Far beyond what I deserve. Surrounded by the things in life that can't be controlled or measured. If you are what you think, I am filthy rich...

cows in trees...

DH is laid off for the week and it changes the way I go about my everyday life. So when we headed to town in the afternoon and saw the cows sitting under the trees, it explained my day perfectly. We had to turn around so I could get the shot but it was worth it.

Ms Cow and I had a little dialogue. I asked her about the tree, if the shade felt good and she just stared at me. Maybe I looked as out of place to her, taking her picture as she did to me, under the tree. Somedays are like that, you just feel out of place. Routine gone and you are just a little uncomfortable in your own skin.

I worry about that sometimes. Not feeling uncomfortable but feeling too comfortable. The line for me gets fuzzy sometimes, How much is too much ? If I understand correctly, I am to be in this world not of this world. What exactly does that look like? Jesus said to preach the Gospel - not exactly how. We know/meet so many different kinds of people everyday - do we change the preaching to accomodate each personality or do we stay as we are and hope if our brand of preaching isn't welcome that God has a back-up preacher?

Is preaching vocal or is it silent? and if it is both, how do we decided which is right for any given situation? I realize all I am doing is asking questions and in that, maybe the answers will come.

Back to the cows in trees - maybe we are on the right track as long as we are uncomfortable but not sure God intends us to live that way. It is a good reminder to take our uncomfortable pulse every once in a while - just in case we are wondering where our hearts are spending their time.

I am still not sure I shouldn't put all I have in this world while I wait for the next, knowing that my time here is short. Maybe it is just as simple as living in the Moment and watching for cows in trees...

Class of 2007 - I Do...

Last night was the first of many graduation celebrations for the Class of 2007. This one was for two college graduates who start their new Real Lives tomorrow. I don't know that is will really kick in until this fall when they don't have a school to go back to. That is when reality will set in and they will join the rest of us in the game of What Do I Do Next?

There are some years where we don't know anyone who is starting on the Real Life journey but there is Something about May that reminds us of classes gone by. Our own, our children - there are rites of passages for parents as we watch our kids move on in life. It also reminds us that we are getting older.

It is also the time of year for weddings and there are several of those on the calendar. My daughter celebrates 10 years of marriage this July - seems like yesterday. Can't believe I have been a mother-in-law for 10 years. Not sure I would have the guts to ask my SIL for a report card.

At the graduation party, I got to see the bride's dress for the July Wedding. It is beautiful and she glowed as she shared her plans. Young love is wonderful at any time but a summer wedding brings a special glow. I can't wait to shoot their engagement photos in a few weeks and they are up for fun. The wedding will be delight to shoot.

Waking thru Target yesterday, there was a display of graduation gifts. Class of 2007 - For me, it was the Class of 69. Graduation was June 13. I still remember the date and that was 38 years ago. It is a nice yearly reminder of how far we have come and hopefully, we have a lot of good to show for it...

6 miles...

I was close to the freeway when it was time to head for Brandi's. I would much rather take the backroads - prettier scenery and while you can drive faster on the freeway - 80% of the time, going the back way is quicker. As I got on the freeway, there was one of those green signs that said 6 miles to my destination. Ha! I said out loud. 6 miles at 65 miles an hour - do the math. In the morning for several hours, that stretch of freeway is at a virtual stand-still and again at night. In theory, I could get to Brandi's in 10 mins but the reality is is takes 1/2 hour to 45 minutes. Last winter, one morning it took an hour and 45 minutes.

Seasons and circumstances can make those 6 miles look like 60. What looks simple - getting from A to B - isn't. There will always be Something in our way. Unexpected road construction, accidents and freak snow storms can change our plans in an instant. We can have our travel time planned down to the very minute but the truth is, we have really no control.

I did my 65 ish down the freeway and when I got off at my exit with about 5 miles to my destination, it took me 15 mins to go those 5 miles. Had to stop for those construction workers who decide who gets to go and for how long. I couldn't merge onto a side street until about the 15th car took mercy and let me in as my merge lane had ended. When I was getting ready to turn on Brandi's street a lady was apparently having car issues and could only putt along thru the intersection. By the time I got to the house, turned my car off, I was exhausted.

To live this life, we have to get adjust to seasons and circumstances. We get exhausted when we are hit from every direction and don't leave room for the Unexpected. I had a Plan for today - when I left the house this morning, I prayed that I would be a blessing to someone - that I get out of my head for just a few brief moments. Somewhere between there and as I headed down those 6 miles, I forgot. It was probably that sign - no flip flops, dang it...

DOF...

Depth of field... You know those photos you see where the background is blurry but the person or thing in front is crystal clear. I was practicing with my little point and shoot camera but not sure I got it. I think my focus is off. I need to focus on the front can and the last can should have a noticeable amount of blur. I also could have set my focus on the back can and the front one should have been blurry. That didn't happen either.

Back to the photo drawing board. This is all new to me and each time I try something - I learn either way. When I finally get the aperture theory and execution down, I will move on to shutter priority.

Aperture - an opening, a gap, hole or slit. an opening that limits the quantity of light that can enter. The hardest part of this aperture stuff is that the lower the fstop number the greater the opening. A f2.8 is a larger opening than a f11. As the numbers increase, the the availability of light decreases So taking the photo at a f2.8 will give you a very blurry background with a certain focus while the f11 will bring your entire photo into focus.

So today's lesson may not have yielded the results I hoped to see but I learned a little bit about life's aperture. Sometimes in life you need that bit of blur, maybe not seeing the faults of a loved one and sometimes you need to see clearly, no room for denial here. Need more practice in photography and Real Life...

reasonable expectations...

Whenever I pick him up from school or lots of time when I show up at his house, I have a reasonable expectation of being greeted with that big smile. There is also usually running involved so I am always prepared to scoop him up and nuzzle his little neck. He also has the reasonable expectation that I will respond with that scoop, everytime.

reasonable - agreeable or in accord with reason, moderate, endowed with reason.

expectation - something expected, a degree of possibility that something will occur.

You put those together and you have an act, endowed with reason that a degree of possibility that something agreeable will occur. We experience this every minute of everyday in every part of our lives.

I got to thinking the other day - does God have an reasonable expectation of me. I am not talking about rules and regulations - religion or rituals. Once we decided to sign up with Him, is it unreasonable to think that showing up to be with Him would not be Something expected? Why would we not want to be a part of wherever He is, on any given day? Just the thought that by showing up there is a degree of possibility that Something will occur makes me not want to miss

a thing. Perhaps I get caught up in Real Life stuff and it is a matter of time management. Maybe not.

If He could give His life for mine - I can show up everyday to see what's up. Not only does He have a right to reasonable expectation but so do I...

listen...

Gage has been obsessed with Hummers lately. It occured to me last Friday that I needed to take him to a car dealer and let him hang out with one. The same thought came to mind several times on Saturday. By Sunday, as we all played in the backyard, the Gage Hummer date was on my ToDoSoon list. I woke up Monday morning and that was all I could think about so when Brandi called I asked if I could pick Gage up from school and keep him for the afternoon.

I was suppose to mow the lawn and get some housework done but I couldn't focus on any of those chores so I packed up and headed for Gage's school. He had no idea where we were going so after a healthy lunch at Blimpie's ( his idea and I got a hearty, No Thank You to the offer of a cookie), we were off to the local Hummer dealership. We have one of those giant auto malls and the Hummers have their own showroom. I told the receptionist that I needed a salesman. Gage and I waited, cruised the Hummer reading material and in a short few, Travis came out to meet us.

I told Travis we were looking for a progressive salesman - one who would understand that Sometimes the payoff is in the future. I explained that we were there to see and feel a Hummer up close. He took us out and asked us which one we wanted to see - the blue one was the one Gage had picked before we went in. He got to sit in the driver's seat then the backseat and he climbed in the very back to check it out. After examining the inside of his beloved car, he was satisfied. He was good to go - he shook Travis's hand, said thank you and we were off. While we were there, he wanted to check out a Herbie ( a Volkswagon ) and again, we explained to yet another salesman what out intent for the day was. He happily obliged and Gage got to sit in the driver's seat of yet another Big Boy car.

We continued the party at Walmart, picked up a Hummer Monster Truck and a few other things and headed home. We played outside for the rest of the afternoon, had dinner and met up with mommy.

I may never know Why the persistence of taking him now. I know I could have ignored it, finished my housework, mowed the lawn and taken him later but I do know that Sometimes you have to do what you hear. If you are going to Listen then you better be ready to respond. The reason doesn't have to be earth-shattering. Maybe Gage needed some only-child time but I needed to do this and do this, I did. I had a ball with him. We laughed and laughed - a little funky date that he will probably never remember but I'll bet you, I will nver forget it...