Jesus Love...

The pastor talked about The Table this morning. They were table and chairs up on the platform, he brought up a paper wrpped loaf of french bread and proceeded with his sermon. He likened the table to the church and each chair represented a group of people. Mature believers, new believers, those on the fringe and those who are completely on the outside. This morning, he brought up high chair up on the platform. For the whiners in church. Those who are never happy with the little things. He is a little guy so when he sat in the high chair with the tray in his lap and a binkie in his mouth, it was all too real when he started complaining about the chairs being moved around and all the other things people complaint about regularly in church. It was a good lesson and the high chair is not going to be a regular addition to the table because it is not an addition but a subtraction.

But, you did have this feeling that something was missing. DH said it on the way home, where was Jesus? There was no talk of where Jesus was, he might have wanted us to understand that it was already implyed but neither of us got that. We all look for Jesus in different ways and could probably never agree on even 5. The hair stands up on the back on my neck when I hear about someone is going to do something for Jesus, on his behalf. We don't work for Jesus, we are loved by him and that love is what shows in our daily lives. If we believe in who He says he is, it will show, no added agenda is necessary. Took me a long time to unlearn this and I have no intention of ever going back. Never.

This photo represents Jesus to me. He is lovingly watching over you and me. He is not doing anything but loving us. Whatever anyone else sees in us, that thing that draws not drags, comes from one who knows, he is loved. We sit at his feet, take it all in and share what we know to be true. Not what we think we should, could or might but what we actually, do. Should be good enough for each of us, wish we could at least, agree on that...

BIG changes...

Last week it was the announcement that women would be able to serve in combat. This week, the Post Office.

There are those making the claim that there are many people who wait for junk mail as a source of socializing. The claim was that some would suffer dramatically if mail was not delieverd on Saturday. I think those who are claiming this, need to be put out to pasture. You can say what you want, but Sometimes, can you not hear yourself and make some corrections before the words leave your mouth?

If the Post Office wants to play the We Will Take Away Your Saturday Delivery card, most people will say, Fine. Just because we have had it for over 150 years, doesn't mean our lives, as we know them, will fall apart. We all realize, Something had to change with the whole mail thing. Those who feel like they are missing out, can pace themselves and save some mail to look over on Saturday and Sunday. As go newspapers, dry cleaners and Hostess cupcakes, we all must sacrifice and learn a new path.

I told Gage last night that when he gets to be an old man, he could share his Saturday morning mail experience with his kids who will have had no idea what he is talking about. His answer, We get mail on Saturdays?


Point. Match. Game.

February...

Hard month to pronounce, identified with Valentine's Day and Thank God January is Over! The groundhog advises that Spring is near and for most of us, it could not come too soon. Even though we are under gray, sunless skies, we start to imagine... Have been saving my dollar bills and the thoughts of a few comfy patio chairs has crossed my mind more than once, not sure Lowe's and Home Depot are there yet.

The bathing suits are out, winter accessories are on the clearance racks. My winter boots are right by the door, but more often than not, I grab my tennis shoes first. My appetite has been one of a caveman who has had to hunt for his food, eating everything in site, leave crumbs behind. Hope that some less critical weather will put some kind of stop to the need to fill up often and to the brink of way too much. I do believe that our bodies tend to crave more food in the cold months, whether there is proof or not.

Just saw Flight, and my mind is still reeling. Will not spoil it for you but if you have ever had an kind of addiction to anything and will admit to it, see this movie. If you have an addiction, see it anyway and the rest will come.

We are imperfect creatures. The song still going through my head from gym time this morning, says... In a world made of steel, made of stone. Sometimes it feel that way to us. The bad news and even more bad news because the truth is a channel or network devoted to good news would never make it financially. Imperfect, flawed, yet mostly able to bounce back on a semi regular basis.

February... thank you for teaching us all that after we get our bearings back from the cold of January, you are there to remind us of the touchy, warm fuzzies of life while we say goodbye to winter. You are just alright, February. Keep up the good work...

she...

A sign that sits on my desk says, she was authentic in every way and they loved that about her.... Given to me by a friend who said for her, it fit me to a tee. Some shes are that way. Definitly in my family. We are strong-willed and have an opinion and answer about most everything. We don't asked questions unless we want an answer, we are not much for fishing. We will listen to your ideas politely, mostly and make us our own minds.

We are strong and make no apologies for that strength. If we come on too strong, there are times we recognize it and will make amends. We don't mean to hurt your feelings but a girl has to do, what a girl has to do.

Just say no, is not our battle cry but we make come to that conclusion quickly. We are also able to swing the complete other direction and may say yes, too quickly. Indecisive is not part of our DNA and have very little knowledgeable about that. Sorry, we are not able to explain this trait to anyone.

We are loving, caring and hopefully when we get into your personal space, we are not overbearing yet you do run that risk. We love our people with all our hearts, would do anything for you because we believe our way is best not only for us but, for you as well. Forgive us if you can, love us if you can and enjoy us, if you can...

fear...

Fear is … a kind of unintentional storytelling that we are all born knowing how to do. Karen Thompson Walker.

There is not a caring parent alive who does not fear, most everything when it comes to their children. Not all parents can be included which in and of itself, tells a Story of fear that one would not wish on any child.

There has been much going on in our world currently that has most of us in fear for our children. Whether they are in school, on a bus...places where we use to believe were safe zones free from the Bad Guys. That is no longer the case and if you don't believe that, look at your own fears.

Just like all great stories, our fears focus our attention on a question that is as important in life as it is in literature: What will happen next?”

Ms Walker brings up a fascinating outlook on fear, one that had never crossed my mind. She talks about how fear tells its own Story, complete with characters, plot and outcome. The Stories that our fears tell us come from the same imagination that writes books, poems and other bits of literature. We are as drawn in to their reality as we are any book in our personal libraries.

I have a vivid imagination. I can make a mountain out of a molehill, in my mind. My fears are as detailed as my Stories of childhood or the red-headed lady at Walmart who I know was Jesus. Maybe that is why my fears are more crippling than say my DH. He is very matter of fact and his fears are nowhere near mine in content or intensity. I am mostly my only audience for these fear Stories so I think that the fear takes liberties it wouldn't if it was being published for all to see. It is an amazing and maybe even a healing place to begin to understand that for some of us, our fear Stories are just that, Stories. Not fact but fiction taken to the highest place it can go and then begs us, to jump.

I am spending some time here for a while. Facing one's fears is never done unless provoked and I am thinking this may be the time to pay some attention. Make no mistake, there are real fears out there but those are not the ones that make the best Stories. Fiction usually isn't as flashy or exciting as non-fiction. In non-fiction, the author is not bound by truth or time. Same goes for fear...

the Huskies...

The first year, she was a cheerleader while the boys played basketball. And, she was a good one but her heart was in the game and there she msot certainly, does shine.

With year two, it becomes very obvious that this girl is here to play. She watches Gage as he moves down the court. He has taught her about defense, without a word between the two of them.

We don't always have to use our words. Sometimes, we are quiet when we should speak up. More often than not, we feel like we have to get out our 2000 woman words, out and early.

Not a lot of chit chat on the sidelines. The girls watch, learn and cheer. Maybe we Big Girls should follow suit. Instead of judging everyone's body, intentions or decision-making process, maybe we should cheer each other on, while using less words.

Thank you Miss M for another great life lesson. I love you, Girl...

You are my Wild...

Tara Whitney posted some photos of her kids and directed us to the YAMW site. Photographers taking photos of their kids. There was no definition given but I love the phrase and love the idea.

Maybe you have a wild child. Aren't by their very nature, all children, wild? Not just in spirit but in what they think, and how they do solve problems. They don't chop it up like we do. They usually have a simple idea of how to do anything and just do. Not alot of planning, just doing.

Some are wilder than others.
Some are just born that way.
Others, go through streaks.

You are my Wild.
I love the sound of that.
May it forever, be.

aim...

We all have a dog in this fight.

since the Newtown tragedy, we all have an opinion. We can all agree this should never have happened in our country butthat is where the agreement ends. How to keep another Newtown from happening is has become the hot topic and the way to solve it would line up to infinity and beyond.

I have my own ideas of why and how. Are they the answer, no. There is not just one answer but what scares me most is having both sides armed, and having even more people killed. I will stand by my belief that if there had been people in that Aurora theater that night that had guns, more innocent people would have been killed. You would have to be a trained sharp shooter to aim in a dark theater and not hit more than your intended target. These kinds of gunfights could not possible end well.

...The research on actual gunfights, the kind that happen not in a politian's head but in flurescent-lit stairwells or strip-mall restaurants around America, reveal something surprising. Winning a gunfight without shooting innocent people typically requires realistic, expensive training and a special kind of person, a fact that has been strangely absent in all the back and forth about assault-weapons ban and the Secoond Amendment. Time

That is my fear. Beyond even the crazies is the crossfire. I know women with concealed gun permits. I know lots of people are carrying out there in my state. I don't know that any of them take regular on going training to perfect their aim. One class, get gun and, wait.

In the NYC police department, for example, officers involved in gunfights typically hit their intended target only 18% of the time.

Time

And these are people who train all the time. What does that say about us, John Q Public whose training consist fo TV shows, video games and movies?

The author goes on to explain that the brain changes when involved in a sudden attack, The brain does not work the way we think it will. It appears that there is a tendency for the the brain to freeze when under a threat. Where is the training to change that reaction?

We will never, ever agree. Had a long conversation with a new person about this and we were about as far on everything as you can be. There was a little back and forth and I brought up my Aurora theory and she thought I was dead wrong. Wow. How far apart can we be from one another, farther than you think...

capture...

The news this weekend about Brianna is as good as it gets. Doctors think she will be home in a couple of weeks. She is her old self and more. Migraines are few, her nana says she is feisty. I will take feisty, any day.

The kids gave me the I Believe bracelet for my birthday last November. I wear 6 silicone bracelets, each one has a purpose. The I Believe one references Eph 2:8.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.Ephesians 2:8

Even though we have had a Team Brianna praying for this child, night and day. It is not our doing that has saved her. Many are loved and prayed for where the outcome isn't as bright as ours. It is a mystery that we can't explain, don't understand and is not our business to capture.

What we are to capture is the Love of God, knows no bounds. Has no limits,and can not be tamed.

It is what it is...

While she is not out of the woods, she is closer than she has been in the last 6 months. She is in for some tough days ahead. Maybe one of us is too. If that is the case, we will pray for you knowing that the outcome is up to God. No matter the outcome of any given situation, we know Someday, it will be perfectly clear. Until that day comes, it is what it is. Praise God for where Brianna is today, Praise God for the hope that is in each and every one of us...

cold...

There were a couple of days last week, that I got cold and stayed that way.

Monday and Tuesday, I remember them well.

The news said it hadn't been this cold, this long in over 20 years. For one of the very few times, I believe them.

Nothing I did, nothing I drank, nothing. Went to bed cold, couldn't sleep. The morning brought no relief. The cold had dug it's heels in and I was powerless, against it. Even the house could not wrap itself around this cold, it couldn't keep up. It was cold everywhere one went.

Yesterday when the high got up to 25, it felt downright, balmy. I noticed it during the night, was able to sleep a bit even though I was fully dressed. The hall didn't have that bitting artic blast. My body started to relax.

The forecast is calling for warmer temps. Unsure if we are out of the cold woods, I am only looking forward to 35 degrees with glee. As I lay trying to keep warm, I wondered about those who are living on the street. What does this night look like for them? For those who might not have made it through the night, may God bless them. To those who live on to fight another day, may God bless you. Really makes you wonder how Michigan and Minnesota ever get anyone to live there...

sisters...

While these two have never met, Someday they will. Sisters by choice, not by nature. They have a bond that only little girls can share.

Miss B will have limited visitation for the next year so it may be a while. But, it will happen. If I can be there,Wow. If I can't, I want to here all about it because it will be awesome...

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Not only are we having the coldest weather I can remember in a long while, our darling SIL had to fly to Canada for work. Yesterday when he arrived it was -47. While it makes what we are experiencing, darn near hot - we are miserable with the cold and without him.

Poppa and I try to help when he is gone. Homework, laundry, meals and reminding everybody that it is only a few days. As in all his trips when he is away, he checks in every night by Facetime and talks to each one. Asking about their day and telling them he loves them. It is his way of comforting his family and no one could ask for more.

Facetime may be on the single, best inventions ever. Long ago there were rumors and a few prototype photos with viewing capability but now, it is real and works like a charm.

We will all have to endure the next few days with all the bravery we can muster. Praying for daddy and hope he is home soon. In the meantime, we party on...

the Sooners...

Basketball has begun and the first game did not disappoint. I am not very sportsy. Having given birth to a girly girl, my exposure to sports has been very limited. But, when the boys came along, I caught up, quick and now, with Miss M playing rather than cheerleading, it is all on the line.

For Mr Sooner, it could not come more naturally. As I watch him run up and down the court, I understand the whole Air Jordan thing. Football is where his heart is but he gives it all up for basketball season and it makes for some great life lessons.

Not so much about the rules, I could care less if he stops and pivets but that part of the lesson. Just because you can do Something, doesn't always mean you should. Or that you will be given credit. It may even go against you. Even he lives better than I do inside the boundaries given to him. He made a fabulous catch, actually, stunning but it was out of bounds. I still gave him kudos. It was awesome.

He like me, needs to have boundaries. Some of us fight harder than most to learn that lesson. We see it, know we can do it yet... it doesn't counts or worse, has a penalty attached.

Live and learn until you crash and burn... Heard that this morning on the radio. Maybe we will always have to learn the hard way. Too bad, we couldn't learn it sooner rather than later...

Bottom feeders...

low lifes, whatever the term you want to use. When you hear these terms, somebody comes to mind.

Might be a distant relative or a friend of a friend. We don't really like to think of people this way but they make it very hard, not to. Choosing to not make a right choice and a history of not doing the right thing is their legacy and we are left deciding how they fit in our lives.

It is the toughest time to remember that Jesus loves them as much as he does us and politicians. We think of them as takers and if the truth be told, wouldn't accept anything they had to offer or give it much validity.

I have a butt load of them in my history, many more than any person should. More life lessons learned by what not to do than the exanple of the right thing to do. I have learned and hopefully, make better choices because of it. Hard to believe about the Jesus stuff, but we have to learn a lot of things that are tough to believe. This one makes sense, we just don't like it much...

black and white...

Wouldn't life be easier if we had referees following our every moves?
Making everything right 100% of the time?

Of course, not every violation would be caught and the whistle blown, the appropriate punishment given but it would be better than the free for all that life brings now. It would be confining but everyone would see it is not always, my fault. It would also be obvious, at least by the photos, that is isn't always about us.

But life is not fair, it is not black and white and mostly, it is not about us.

It is a hard lesson, one we have to learn over and over and over, again.

Truth be told, we probably wouldn't be as happy as one might imagine. There would still be unfairness. Missed calls or just wrongg calls, would still get our goats and we would still, complain.

We like it when the good guy wins but can't agree always or mostly, on who the good guy is. That is why in some areas of life, we need the black and whites to help us out but I gotta say, to have one around when DH and I got into those conversations where agreement is no where to be found, I would love to hear that black and white blow a whistle, point at WhatHisName and yell, Foul. Oh, how that would do we a world of good. Won't hold my breath waiting for it but a girl can dream, can't she?

piriformis syndrome...

It was exactly a year ago today. I knew what the pain was as soon as it came on. I had experienced the same thing 3 years early.

I knew it would last months, would require cold packs and back exercises. I was ready. But after four month, no relief. In fact, it got worse and the very worse, was yet to come. I gave up my beloved scrapbbooking and learn to lay on my side. Sitting was at a minimum and for many months, non existant. At the 6 month mark, it moved to unbearable.

So after an ER visit, four trips to the doctor, three to the chiroprator and $6000.00 in pending charges, I find myself on the first anniversary - contemplating all these things and still having pain. My saving grace has come in the form of Miss Shelly, my massage therapist and we are... working it out. Rolling on a tennis ball inbetween visits, I am finally able to see some results. The pain is now isolated yet constant.

If you have ever had acute physical pain, you know of what I speak. IT has been a time of tremedous personal growth, physical pain always gets your attention first. Interestingly enough, it came at a time that I can really relate to Miss Brianna and what she is going through. Anytime pain can bring you down, really down, it doesn't matter what causes it. You are more than ready to throw in the towel at any given moment, Just make it stop. You want relief and you want it now.

So Happy Anniversary PS! It has been quite a year and I hope however long we are together, the lesson is learned once and for all. Sorry you don't like the tennis ball, fight back all you want - I am on to you. Today is a good day and I can see clearly enough to thank you for this journey. The ebbs and flows of everyday life. Some days are better than others. Some are way worse, we can't wait for them to be over and see if the sunrise will bring something, anything new. Hope is our greatest asset, and today, I am ready to go, again...

Thick skin...

You don't live 61 years and not develop thick skin. yes, it is possible but that kind of life is a whole other post. For most of us, the experiences of life that occur, again and again, in the same yet different form, give us what we need to understand and adjust.

There are parts of my life that have calluses. Right or not, you couldn't penetrate through even with a jack hammer. I always tell my gkids and I mean it,

You are not going to hurt my feelings...

If they have something else to do or want to go with friends, I will never be offended by them making a that choice, and I mean it. I understand that they and their parents have lives of their own. That is the way it is suppose to be. I am responsible for my own entertainment and anybody who chooses to spend anytime with me, I am humbly grateful.

But, I am not covered in calluses. There are spots that are vunerable. None of us is an island and from time to time, something gets through where the skin is not as thick and we get our feelings hurt.

It is universal. Happens to all of us and usually, the person who was did the deed is, so not aware. The things that we think were fly bys turn out to be tramatic for our kids. It is those little things that we are completely unaware of, that hurt them or made them sad.

So one of my ideas is to promote the healing of all skin. To understand that hurt can not be totally eliminated. To work through those times and move on. In an ideal world, to grow a full body skin that was immune to the elements of weather, the ravages of disappoints and only let in the light and love. Let's try a Real Life version and see if we can't get close...

365...

Oh, The Places You'll Go...Dr Seuss

I have never been successful at doing a 365 project. Taking a photo everyday has put me into a state where I am desperately grabbing things at 10PM to fill in that empty spot. I tried a 52 project last year, thinking I could find a one photo, once a week, that tripped my trigger. Another thought process that was unsuccessful. This year may be different.

Miss Nancy has me thinking about my feet. I often take photos of my feet but the idea of taking a photo everyday to mark where I have been, is one that has just got my attention. Not because I feel like I have to but because I want to. We all take so many steps everyday, the idea of my feet telling a Story sounds like a keeper to me. Might have some duo photos, my feet and those we have hung out with. Thinking long and hard and have started the whole process. Whose knows where this may all lead...but I am willing to find out.

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left. Here we go...

Help Thanks Wow...

In prayer, I see suffering bathed in light. In God, there is no darkness. I see God's light permeating them, soaking into them, guiding their feet... So I pray for people who are hurting, that they be filled with air and light. Air and light heal: they somehow get into those dark, musty places, like spiritual antibiotics...

A girl has the right to change her mind, or just add to it. I started the year with Anne Lamott's book, Help Thanks Wow, on my mind. I realized that the heart and soul were a part of that so my words for the year, are Help Thanks Wow, with heart and soul. That is more like it.

She reminds me that all prayers, fall into one of these catagories.

Help Thanks Wow.

Help me not to be such an ass.

How refreshing. There have been times that I have been stuck in Help. Needing a good butt kicking to get out and give Thanks and Wow, a chance. When I did, I was able to see beyond my little piece of the Puzzle.

Not sure how this will fit on a necklace. I will need to be reminded daily. I want to live here, it is the only thing that makes sense right now. Thanks Anne, look out 2013, I am coming for you...

snow day...

Had a pretty good idea that is might be a snow day but the morning made it official. We Facetimed the kids and Morgan said, her dad woke her up, and her alarm said 9:24 and she said, I am late for school! No worries today Princess, get ready to chill.

It is also DH first Snow Day. He said he doesn't remember having snow days as a kid, where school was canceled and there was never a snow day off work, so this is a whole new world for him too. He took the iPad outside to show the kids the new snow falling and watch the neighbor's kids playing in it.

So we are just hanging out, wondering if this constant new snow will bring another snow day tomorrow. Really, what would be the point of going back for just one day, let's make it a run of four days and try again next week!

Inside, warm and cozy. Not much could get me out today but it sure seems a shame to have the kids home and we are stuck here. We will each have to drink our hot chocolate apart and dream of warmer days. Thank goodness for Facetime. Who knew?

heart and soul...

I usually follow the crowd and pick a word to define the upcoming year. It is usually something I put little effort in because I can't compact my expectations in one word. This year, we are going to shake it up a bit. Not one word but three, heart and soul.

Yes, it is because of this photo. Miss M and Mr Matt playing the piano and just being. It was a lovely Moment, glad I got to share it with them. This 20 Something generation has captured my heart. They seem to be so creative and so full of life, maybe I just don't remember but I think they are different than we were.

Heart and soul, whatever this year brings, I want to be in. I want to be a part of it. I want to experience it all, the good and the bad. The heart and the soul of everyday life. The heart and soul of the wonderful things that are going to happen and the heart and soul, when the day and night both, have no light.

Heart and Soul... I fell in love with you, let's do this thing!

Happy New Year...

Still have Christmas 2012 on the brain. Maybe it is because of the glazed donuts, or maybe it has to do with my new Poloroid camera. Am beening purposefuly on what I want to document with those cute little business size photos. So far I have a photo of the kids on Christmas Day, complete with Miss M wearing a Santa hat and a chocolate glazed donut from Krispy Kreme. Not sure what the 2013 Poloroid book will look like but we are off to a good start.

Tomorrow marks the day of getting back to Real Life. Everybody is back in school and DH and I go back to everyday is a Vacation Day. Getting back to eating a bit better. Have read, Eat To Live, by Joel Fuhrman and looking at redefining how my diabetic diet. It seems overwhelming, have and will find out, how strong my addictive holds are. That is the scariest part. They have already let me know, in no uncertain terms, they are not going away without a fight are are armed and ready for battle.

The news about Miss Brianna the last week had been good. Looks like the transplant is finally starting to take effect. Her numbers are up, she is have less tummy issues. Already, 2013 is looking up.

I am excited for the days to come. New things to learn, new things to experience. Never in my lifetime has it been so easy to learn. The world is at our fingertips, we can go anywhere we want.

Here's to 2013.
May we become better people for being a part of her world.
Look forward to seeing more of you, thank you in advance...

glazed donuts...

While donuts have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember, glazed donuts never made the cut. Ever.

Put chocolate on them, wouldn't matter a bit, glazed donuts might as well have been green jello donuts, never spotted on my life radar screen....Until a few weeks ago.

Now, I have been at Krispy Kremes a hundred times. Maybe more. Chocolate cake donuts, now the Red Velvet ones always seemed to get and keep my attention. If they are baking when you are there, they give you a free, hot glazed donut, I have always said, No thank you.

Not sure the chain of events but when to the kids house and they offered us some KK donuts. I looked in the box and there were several varieties of glazed donuts left. I almost closed the box but this time, I did not. I grabbed one expecting nothing and I was hooked. Cold, glazed donuts. I was hooked good.

In the next several days, we found oursleves back at Krispy Kremes. No accident, it was planned. This time Chocolate glazed, a new world just opened up to me. 61 years of denial, fell in love in less than 60 seconds. Only KK, all others pale and are inferior and will still be avoided at all costs.

Makes me wonder what else I am missing out on? This is why I think being a student, learning something everyday is where it is at. I heard a comedian today say now that he is 70, he has graduated from everything. He has learned all he need to know and he is closing the mind shop down.

I think he is missing it. Maybe a lot of its. Never close your mind, always be ready and you will not be disappointed. Life has enough disappoints, never stop looking for the silver lining. 2013, here we go...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

My heart is so full... Full of hopes and dreams, the promise of Christmas and the end of another calendar year. What will 2013 bring, God only knows.

But, whatever it looks like, I think I am ready as I can be. Smart enough to understand that I can still be shocked at what human beings are able to do each other. Understanding that when I walk out my front door, all bets are off.

While it may seem that I have been replaced by Debbie Downer, I am ok with that for a while. There is no set time that we bounce back and go back to normal. While the New Year brings a new start for most of us, for many it will not. It will be the same hospital room, the same empty bedroom, the same heartache, the same hunger pangs, the same unpaided bills, the same shelter that is home.

May you and yours experience the fullness of Christmas. May your hearts be full, overflowing with gratitude, no matter what. And may the New Year brings hope to each of us. Merry Christmas...

Christmas 2012...

Update on Team Brianna!!! The Bone Marrow Transplant is starting to take a toll on her... She is in constant pain and is nauseated all the time.... She will be spending Christmas in the hospital from Sylma via FB.

Sylma is in the trenches with Brianna. She has been there to help in any way she can. She is Brianna's mom, best friend. She has no children of her own so Brianna and her brother are like her very own. She is also becoming my new BFF.

Christmas 2012 will be rememebered as a hard one. With Brianna in the hospital, it almost feels not right to enjoy the season. It seems like I should be on Hospital Time, which if you have ever experienced it, has a time all to its own.

Then last week, the unthinkable. I am so much more aware of every holiday tradition that I do. Last night was Keaton's holiday concert. Before it even started, I took a photo of a blank stage. I imagined 20 little people and their 6 teachers, all in their holiday best, ready to sing their hearts out. There was also one more girl, she sang Amazing Grace and you could tell, she meant every word.

But, that was just in my mind. A pretty picture but no truth in it. The reality is that those 26 will not be at their family gatherings and the one little angel singing, will most likely not be singing much of anything this Christmas.

Go what you do, celebrate to the fullest. Mourn when you feel the need and let the tears fall. Let the tears fall...

27...

via Cathy Zielske

If you find yourself, not wanting to do much, you are not alone.
If you want to keep your kids close and not let them go, you are not alone.
If your heart is heavy, you are not alone.

While many think they have answers or refuse to even discuss changing existing laws for fear of losses perceived rights, the truth is we are all, hurting. This is a multi-layer problem and no one has the correct way to make the pain we are feeling, go away.

Maybe with the unthinkable that has happened, we will understand that is will keep happening. We may start to understand that we are not safe, anywhere. Whether the grocery store, the movie theater, church and even school, we live in a different world and the problem will not be solved with less than different solutions.

Be with your feelings. The first of 27 funerals were held today. 25 more to go. Not a big deal if you live anywhere but Newtown. Remember those in prayer as you go through out your week. We have Keaton's Christmas concert tomorrow night. I will be remebering those who will be attending burials, not Christmas programs this week.

We will forget. There will be more mass shootings, maybe even more unimaginable than this one. Hard to believe now, but in a few days, not so much...

Sunday...

Waiting to hear about Brianna's bome marrow transplant on Thursday, we had no idea that after months of praying the healing of this precious one, in less than 24 hours there would be 20 children whose parents will be planning funerals, not Christmas shopping.

The weekend has been somewhat of a blur. With Keaton sick Thursday and Friday, Saturday there was a shopping trip with Gage and finished the night with our annual Christmas light tour. This morning, church via the internet, is playing in the background. Usually love listening to the sermon at midnight, my favorite time. It is dark, quiet and the words seem to stick with me, but that is another Story.

Sometime yesterday it occured to me that the same time those 20 babies entered heaven, so did the shooter. On Friday, I posted on FB, May God have mercy because mine is nowhere to be found. Later on in the weekend, I understood the kind of mercy I was talking about, it not mine to give. The weight is off my shoulders. Yet, the thought of them and him, in heaven together, seems so wrong, so unfair.

I knew a long time ago that I was going to dedicate our Christmas Light Tour to Brianna. I know there are lots of things going on in the hospital to cheer the kids up during the Christmas season, but to be outside, free to be. To got out for pizza and later, ice cream, is something she will not have this year. I prayed for her while we drove around. As the kids sang Christmas carols with the radio, I prayed for joy. Every bit of laughter, I wished a smile for her face. I also prayed for those just getting the news they already knew, and how this Christmas will mark their lives forever.

When, not if... it is the Story of all our lives. While it may look different, we each will have trials and the unthinkable happen to us and at Christmas, it feels gigantic. Too much, too much. It is Sunday and while Sunday holds no magic, it is a new day. A new day to pull up one's Big Girl panties and try again. We as a nation, will mourn but we will do it,

in our own way,
in our own time.
and then together, we will start to heal...

riding in a winter wonderland...

Realizing this year, the many layers of Christmas...

First it starts with a Charlie Brown Christmas. Soon, the month-long holiday music starts and then a month later, Thanksgiving...or so it seems.

They don't hit us all at one time. Slowly yet steadily, we are lured in by the powers of outside and inside. The struggle begins - how to make the holidays meaningful, fit in all our traditions and make sure there is a even amount for everyone, under the tree.

The truth is you can't do it all. Oh, you may think you can but eventually you will fess up and trim the list. The important versus the essential. It will occur to you that the simple things are the keepers and that is is alot of Christmas fat that can be trimed.

Maybe this year is different because of Brianna. It seems so crystal clear. Things that usually bother me, haven't fazed me in the least. Some of the layers are falling by the way side. I am good with it all. Even winter is seeming a wary, cozy place to land. It is different, yet satisfying. I wish everyone the same message. Like Tiny Time said, God bless us all...

men and Christmas gifts...

Got in on a radio conversation between a man and a woman, the subject was men giving gifts. The interesting part was when they started talking, lingerie. One of them read an article that said a man should never, ever buy lingerie. The thinking was he would either buy something that couldn't be worn in front of the children and risk buying the wrong size and getting into another kind of trouble.

DH is not a present buyer, never has been and when we stopped trying to make him so, it worked out alot better.

Go buy whatever you want, is his shopping motto and it works for us. I have a friend whose husband has his own ideas of gift giving and doesn't take imput for Christmas and Birthdays. It works for them.

Men are good for many things at Christmas time. Whatever strenghts your man has, go with that. All men are not made alike. Mine is not a Christmas light hanger but he encouraged his SIL from the ground and handed up pieces, as needed. He got my little white wax trees, up and running. Batteries included. Life is good...

standing firm...

We all have times that we lose it. Some of us are better at accepting that part of the human experience. I find it a bit difficult even though, I know it to be true.

Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are to show us that we are human. That Sometimes, it is ok, to fall apart. This has been that kind of weekend for me, but I am coming back and this time, stronger.

I have no new insight, no heavy revelations. Nothing has been done to show me that everything is going to be alright, maybe even the opposite but what I do have control over is my behavior, my beliefs. How I am going to perceive life and that will direct in which direction I am going to go. I am choosing to stand strong, no matter what.

No matter what.

Tears, bring them on, I am standing in the gap.

No matter what, I am prepared to stand in the gap.

Whatever that means and may look like, my focus and direction will stay constant.

Bad news, impossible dreams, a less than perfect ending.

I am standing firmly, in the gap.

I am strong, ready, go...

Sometimes, not so merry and bright...

You are in a good mood, Christmas music is playing and the mail is especailly anticipated. What you don't want is for anything to go wrong.

Thankfully, while the mug is broke, the other packages have so far, made it through, unharmed. Got a few more things coming, and then I will start my panic shopping.

Thank goodness, we live in an age of overnight everything and for the right price, we need not worry our pretty little heads too much. With email and few quick photos, our predicament is explained and a remedy will be on its way when said item is back in stock.

Just like Real Life, the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas is filled with things not so merry and bright. I know a little girl and her family who are facing a Plasma excahgne today, then chemo and a bone marrow transplant next week.

There are more important things than, Merry and Bright.

We are convinced this time of year that if we just give enough...everyone, yes, everyone will have a Merry Christmas and we can feel good about doing our part and going on to enjoy our Merry and Bright without a lot of guilt. If that gets you through...

We can't save the world.
We can't give enough to make our guilt, go away.

What we can do is learn to appreciate Merry and Bright when we can, and when we can't, to still be thankful. Anything less, would make us as broke as my Focus Ceramic Lens Cup...

favorite things...

This time of year, most everything is magical. even the plight of the homeless. Everywhere you turn, we are helping those less fortunate than ourselves. Of course that all ends on December 26 but that is another post.

Most of the things that make me somewhat giddy this time of year, have nothing to do with money. Sometimes the best things in life are free but we fail to see the value. The annual church Christmas program is one of them for me.

This will be the last year that we will be able to talk Gage into doing it. A few more years for Miss M and then, this seasonal tradition will be no more. I remember sitting through a month of practices with Brandi and now, with the grandbabies. There is just Something about children singing that brings the truth of Christmas, that much closer.

This morning was to be the surgery day for Brianna. Getting her ready for a bone marrow transplant, that will save her life. The surgery was cancelled, she had been running a temp of 103 all night. No info on when they are going to try again.

I had a nice talk with Brianna's mom yesterday. She talked of how they got moved to a new room in the hospital and how much better it was. She talked of the view outside their window. She told me that her mom had bought some things that glow in the dark and at night, that makes Brianna, the happiest.

We each have our favorites at Christmas. Old traditions kick in and Sometimes, we have to adjust and make new ones. On Dec 23, I will watch with tears in my eyes as Morgan and Gage sing their little hearts out. I will also remember that there are other families who would give anything to see their kids in a Christmas program. Praise be for new traditions. May God bless us, everyone...

Should anyone knock at my heart and say, Who lives here? I should reply, not Martin Luther but the Lord Jesus Christ. Martin Luther.

Suppose, I decided to start helping one of my very best friends. I want to share her, with the world. I make it my life time mission to spread the love that I have got from her, with everyone I meet.

Suppose I start by defining what I perceive her to be, then be it. Well meaning as I may be, my perception and even more, my reproduction of who she is, doesn't always translate. To go from one, through two and then to the world, you lose quite a bit. If she spoke for herself, I might even learn a thing or two.

Do the same for Jesus.
Stop right now.
Don't do anything for Him, every again.
Start right now.
Let Him speak through you.
Quite trying to show Him to the world,
Let Him, show Himself.

Fight the urge to project yourself, in any way. EVen if it seems like you are doing nothing, by doing less - you are doing more.

Let Him shine, or not. Let Him lead. Just be open and ready to go when called upon and not, until...

bad gifts...

Yes, you can give a bad gift. Some are intentional and some not, even though it would appear that they are. There are some things that should never be given as gifts. It is not the thought that counts unless it comes with a receipt and a clear concouis from the giver. In no special order, here is my list of Gifts You Should Never Give.

Pets - this has happened to us twice. Well meaning family and friends. Once a cat and then a dog. Really? Before you give a gift, ask yourself what you would think of said gift.

Purses - for the ladies in your life. If she has speciifically showed you a particular purse, don't give one you pick out as a gift. No matter how well meaning, a purse is as intimate as underwear. There are Somethings we should pick out for ourselves, leave it that way.

Cars - If it comes with a payment book. If you are buying it outright, go ahead and make sure to give them the receipt in case they have to take it back and get a different color. The gift of a car that comes with payment coupons, is not a gift. It is a debt. Not your place to give.

Am not ashamed that I would not donate a toy at the Dollar Store. If I would not buy one for one of mine, I will not for someone else and BTW, if you donate food to a Christmas food pounding or food bank, give the good stuff not the stuff in the back of our pantry...

Happiness Revealed...

You think today is just another day in your life, but it is not just another day.
It is the one day that is given to you, today.

It is given to you.
It is a gift that is given to you, right now.
It is the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness.

If you do not else but cultivate a response of gratitude throughout this day to the great gift that this unique day is, that will be enough.
As you learn to respond as if it was the first day of your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day, very well.
Happiness Revealed.

Not sure I agree with the title. One can be in awe and wonder without being happy. In fact in the worst of Moments, understanding that even in those terrible, maybe even horrible Moments, one can find and see, the Big Picture. Being happy has nothing to do with the Big Picture. Either does being sad, the Big Picture stands alone.

This will happen when we learn to live in the Moment. Can we go there and stay there? The things that we are able to put on auto pilot are usually, not the things of life that are essential. They may not even be of much importance. To live in the Moment will take everything you have to give. It will not always come seamlessly. On Days of Sorrow, it will seem like an eternity, but we have to face what is. The good and the bad.

We slip and slide. Our days are as unalike as they are alike. We fall into a life hypnosis where we are unable to see the small changes that are all around us. Take time to look and maybe, just maybe, you will see what you have never seen before...

any given day...

With the readily availabilty of techonology, we are going mobile, more and more everyday. That means we travel with more things than we use to. You can tell alot about a person from the stuff they carry with them.

I told a friend the other day that I loved following a mutual friend on Pinterist because I can tell where her head was on any given day by her pins. Her boards would give you the overall theme of her life but a round of daily pins might take you in a completely different direction.

Why do we like to sleep with someone's tshirt when they are gone? We miss them and their smell makes us feel like they are right next to us. We miss the people and hence, their stuff becomes precious to us.

She was gone for a minute, but as I saw her stuff all together, it made me smile and that is the way it should be...

telling...

This is not the first time I have taken his picture. He is at Flying M about as much as I am. One can not be a creature of habit here, sometimes you have to take whatever table is available. This is no place to expect your favorite spot to be waiting for you.

As a watched him, he seemed to have no prefence as to his seating. I imagine that in his Real Life, he would be the same way. He seems to move like he knows any place here, is not one that belongs to him. Would also further imagine that he loves to travel. Always moving, not expecting to settle.

I know several people that seem to go from place to place. Literally. If they are talking to you, they grab the closest chair and when they are done, move on. I imagine their lives are fluid and in turn, are a bit easier.

The areas where I am able to be fluid, are not here. Chair seating appear to be a big issue with me. I am well aware of it. Am I working on it? Had not thought about it until just now but, maybe.

We are telling all kinds of things about ourselves and can be totally unaware of it. We all have our quirks, ticks and oddities. It is ok, it is part of the human experience but I can't help but wonder if I was able to change the whole chair thing, if it wouldn't change other parts of my life and be a very good thing. Imagine, never having to imagine...

to be known...

The two ladies at the post office known me, pretty well now. Well, they don't know me but when they see the Hello Kitty duck tape on my packages, then, they know me. They also know Brianna and her Story.

They ask me how she is doing, we chat a bit. I explain how after the bone marrow transplant, her blood will change to the donor's type. I have told them about the paintings of butterflies she does on canvas.

They know the Hello Kitty duck tape. The instant they look at the packages because I put it on everything I send. They have gone as far as Minnesota and Missouri and as close as home.

Yesterday after a bit of small talk, the mail lady looked right at me and said, It is going to be alright. She is young and she will bounce back fine.. Not particularly though-proving words but by the time I got out to the car, I knew they were words of comfort, and not necessarily from her. It was just a feeling. I have had these kind of feelings before. Can't expalin it, don't understand it but firmly, believe it.

Hello Kitty duck tape, who knew?...

the color purple...

I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. Alice Walker

I think we would all be surprised at what pisses God off. I can about guarantee it won't be the things we think and suspect that what hurts him the worse, is the things we never suspected.

He has alread seen it all. With Adam and Eve, it didn't take long and after that, things pretty much went off the rail and have pretty much stayed that way. The things that make us shudder are not news to Him. There is nothing that we can do that would take him by surprise. His expectations are of the hope kind, not the expected kind. It is not about the things we do for Him or in His name. I imagine he would be all about the little things that we take little or no notice of. The ones that impress us the most, probably impress Him, the least.

Purple is one of my least favorite colors but I can guarantee you the next time I see it, Miss Alice's words will haunt me and there will be ,an instant correction course. I am going to miss alot but my hope is that I will be able to see a bit of what He sees. If I have done that, I will be the lucky one...

Oh my God...

At our house, we don't say, Oh my God, as an adjective for all Things That Make Us Crazy. Our grandchildren have been taught it is a form of taking the Lord's name in vain. You can say other words and it is highly suggested, that they do.
We don't say it lightly or often but when we do this is what we mean. Here is the absolute best argument I have heard on the correct usage of these three words.

Never“When people see my images a lot of times they will say ‘Oh my God.’ Have you ever wondered what that meant? The ‘oh means it caught your attention, it makes you present, it makes you mindful. The ‘my’ means it connects with something deep inside your soul, it creates a gateway for your inner voice to rise up and be heard. And God, ‘God’ is that personal journey we all want to be on, to be inspired, to feel like we are connected to a universe that celebrates life.” thought of it this way. Louie Schwartzberg.

Whatever your feelings about those three words, remember this. It might just make your day!

my favorite week of the year...

Sickness took over the end of the week. A couple days with Miss M and then Papa. Everyone is on the mend and it is the eve of my favorite week of the year.

Three days of being able to soak in all that Thanksgiving week is before the swooshing sounds of retail clamoring, hit our personal airwaves. I love hustle and bustle, the energy of the holidays and over the years, have learned, how to enjoy without going as crazy. This week, these three little days, bring a spirit of what is to come, yet allows us to kick back and thoroughly, take it all in.

Whether we start our Black Friday experience Thanksgiving night or at 4am the next morning, it will remind us in grand style, that Christmas is coming. The more Christmases I have under my belt, the less it bothers me that we humans have turned it into something it was never meant to be. You take the good with the bad and make it work for you and yours. A little Jingle Bell Rock, never killed anyone.

Some of my family will be spending Thanksgiving in a hospital this year. Never in a million years, would they have guessed that summer would turn into fall and they would still find themselves, in a hospital room. We will be thinking about them and wishing them a wonderful Thanksgiving. That despite the location, they are all together. So very much to be thankful for.

May you and yours enjoy this week. May your Thanksgiving be a day of truly being thankful, no matter where you find yourself. Whatever the circumstances of your life, may you be able to say, thank you, for what you do have. May you learn to love living in the Moment, and adjust accordingly. May your heart be full, no matter what...

PS See you next week!

spreading the Word...

When it comes to getting the word out about the important things in our lives, it doesn't get any better than using technology.

Got a call last night from Brianna's mom and nana and trying to get the word out. They are gearing up for a Bone Marrow Transplant and Miss B is needing healthy cells to replace hers that just aren't getting the job done. The family wanted to do a nation wide blood drive but the hospital will only accept local donors. The site is The Children's Hospital in Orange, California.

If you have a Facebook or Twitter and are able, would you spread the word with me? Even if you don't know anyone in California, maybe someone who would see your post, does.

I believe that we are all able to do something, even if we think we don't have much to offer. You have more than you think and together, we can do this thing... Thank you so much!

exercise...

Halfway through my fifth month of 5 days a week. Miss Shelli was right, it doesn't get any easier and that was with warm weather. Now that is is cold, it is a bit harder to do, yet - so far, so good.

I know intellectually that is is good for weight and heart.
I know I need to do it.
but I have learned, there are other benefits.

Mental. I have noticed that the stress I may come in with on any given day, is dialed down or even gone, after a bit of exercise. It is a time to think thoughts and day dream. Getting one's mental ducks in a row, hard not to see the payoff there. For that only, the bright shirts are worth it.

There have been days when the last thing I wanted to do was put on those clothes and go work out. If you would look into my closet, it is a sea of black and denim. Still is. My gym clothes have their own basket. There is also every color you could imagine in that basket. All my workout shirts are bright colors. I hate bright colors.
However, laundry is easier and the brights are something of an icon. If I ever love exercise, the shirts will go black. Or grey, starting to like grey...

Living the Moment...

Saturday night with the grands and a game of Monopoly...

I am well aware that the days and nights of kids being with their grandparents is fleeting. Keaton is beginning to be of the age where his friends count the most. I get that. I remember being his age and, anywhere but home, was my anthem. So I make the most of my time, and watching for the signals when it is time to let go.

We might have a few more years with Gage and Morgan but the point is to live being in the Moment and in the meantime, put on your Big Girl training wheels and start learning to, let go.

Since we don't come with instructions, when it is time to let go, seems pretty murky territory. Some hang on too long, some, too short. Both have devestating consequences. The whole we are playing the game, I am fully aware of what is to come. We always tell Keaton, if he has something else to do, to do it. We will wait.

Wanting to have a wonderful relationship, complete with trust and respect for them, is what I hope for. For them to share what they want, if they want, when they want. That all takes work on my part, not theirs.

I love them so. They will never know what wonderful life they have brought to me. Living in the Moment is one of the best things they have ever shown.

Train a grandparent in the way they should go and they won't depart from it.

We have had the best. The very best. Thank you darlins, Love nana and poppa

hug...

I got to hug someone a few weeks ago.
that I never thought I would see again, let alone, hug.
I got to hug her three times.
I am still amazed and so thankful.

It is easy to be thankful about the big things. Every time we dodge one of life's potentially, devestating bullets, we breathe a sigh of relief. Whew, that was close. If we are young, we imagine that we have dodged them until Someday Down The Road. If we are older, we know SDTR, is close.

It is true that the older we get, the less energy we have for drama unless you are fueled by drama but most of us just don't have the energy it takes to sustain it. One has to do something with all that time and if we haven't in the past, there is no time like today to be thankful for something in our lives.

First Hurricane Sandy, yesterday the noreaster winds. Those people might have to dig a bit deep for their gratitude. Maybe just being alive is enough. I hope for many of them, that it is. Their needs may be overwhelming and maybe you are in the same boat and all you can offer is a hug, wouldn't that be enough?

Wherever we find ourselves today, whether in need or want, we are capable of doing something. Whether a hug, a word or sharing the idea of thankfulness, we can each do something. Find your something today...

Thankful...

We tell each other that we are on vacation, everyday. Retirement seems like something that our parents would be doing if they were alive. Still had to believe that were have been married for almost 41 years, that is until we look in the mirror.

I don't know when the wrinkles started or when they became so pronounced. I feel much younger until I see myself, then reality sets in. This photo is going on a blanket for a Christmas gift. Hoping I look better on fabric than on paper.

The feeling that you are younger on the inside than the outside is one that is universal to all of us. We still feel events of life at the age we experienced them. That is why we know every word of the music of our youth. They are all there for the taking, and when the radio starts playing, I am in jr high all over again. The Beach Boys take me back to being 16 and having a driver license and free to go however far the gas I could afford, would take me. The year I found out the truth about Santa, still feels like it did that Christmas morning.

These vacation days, are our new normal. We can take a picture, see a movie or stay home. We can go to the store whenever we want, and see our family whenever they are home. No more missed holidays and on those days we need to rock out, their is no lines or waiting. Let the music go...

Too close to call...

Couple of things I learned today about voting.

The company you work for is by law, required to let you off work to vote.

If you are in line when the polls close in your state, they have to allow you to vote.

Dh had to register this year before he could vote. His job has kept him from voting more than once. Those days are behind him now. We got to our polling place a bit before 9am to check it out and it was the perfect time to go. By the time we left, the lines were out the front door of the elementary school.

It is just past 6pm here and the polls are closing on the East Coast. Waiting for Ohio and Virginia returns to come in and perhaps give us the numbers we need to see a winner.

My state is a done deal. Red, through and through. There are many states just like us. No surprises, done deal.

Too close to call...

I love this night. Every four years, it is Must See TV, for me. All the money, and time we have invested. The millions of Facebook postings and repostings. Predictions are about to become true and false.The amount of stats that will be given tonight, makes me giddy. Who is voting, how they voted in 2000 and which counties are changing because the college kids are now older and able to vote.

Whether my guys wins or not, we win. The process that lasts for years, and makes us crazy is still the best in the world. Lots of men and women gave their lives so we could have the honor of voting. Would want them to be proud, that they didn't give their lives in vain. Thank you, each and every one...

sheep...

Notes from Goat and Sheep sermon.

Sheep will eat plants right out of the ground.
Sheep are followers

Goats eat, and walk. Eat, and walk.
Goats are leaders.

So you mix goats and sheep together. Goats keep moving and sheep, being natural followers, follow thereby protecting the flora of the land.



PJ went on to explain how when sheep get scared, they freeze. They literally won't move for wolf or shepherd. If one strays, the shepherd must go find him and carry the lost sheep back to the fold.

People are likened to sheep but not sure it is accurate. While some freeze, I would think that most of us, run quite. wild. In any and all directions, giving little thought to consequence. We would be a better lot if we did stay still and wait to be rescued instead of heading into the wilderness of life without some kind of GPS.

What about if you stay still and a wolf comes to eat you? Do you stay or go?

Fight or flight?

I think some of us are like sheep. When we are fixed on something, we will run it into the ground. My motto is, if one is good, two is better. If a little is good, than alot is much better. That is what gets me in trouble, time and time again. Will I ever learn? I dare say, probably not. The flora around me will attest to that.

Maybe some of us are like goats. Always on the move, never staying in one place for too long. Combining the two makes alot of sense. It always comes back to balance, doesn't it?, and it takes it takes a lifetime to learn that...

inheritance...

Within our family, there is always the spoken or unspoken concerning inheritance. Whether your mother writes different family names on plates and bowls (true)or you are told outright, that is mine when she dies(also true), we all pretty much know how the stuff is going to be split.

That was true for my family. My father had a very sizable inheritance coming his way, he talked about it all the time. It would available late in his life but he would not have to worry about where his next meal was coming from, for the rest of his life. He would tell my sister and I about how we would also share in the inheritance of the Farm. There was emough for us all.


It was always in the back of our minds, that someday we too, would not have to worry about food or shelter. That came to an abrupt end when after my father passed away, we found out from my aunt that my father had sold his part of the inheritance to her for 1/100 of what it was worth. He never told us what he had done. It felt like a cruel joke but if you understood the history, you would say, but of course.

When my FIL passed away, my friend who was a realtor told me, Watch out! People will fight over the smallest of things. The worse comes out in people at times like this. She was right, it was but a few hours later that a relative helped himself not only into the house but to the specific thing he wanted. It would not end there. Another relative who had more personal stuff than nayone in the family, wanted to dismantle a photo to see who painted it because she wanted it if her mother was the artist. Wow.

It is no wonder that my favorite parable is the Prodigal Son. So unfair, from a human point of view but in the end, it is still stuff. Inheritance is the character, the humanities, that you have left behind. No amount of stuff can compare to the countenance of leaving a legacy of love, grace, kindness and joy. If you were robbed of your true inheritance, make sure you leave Something behind better than was left to you...

would you rather...

Before Trick or Treating last night at dinner, I posed the question that I heard asked early that morning, Would you rather have $100,000 at age 20 or 10,000,000 at age 60?
I thought it would be a no brainer, again, I was wrong.

Of course, the answer to this question depends on the age. If you had asked me the night before I turned 20 and 2 days before I got married, I would have taken the hundred grand, on the spot. It also goes without saying that it would be all gone way before my 21 birthday.

Ask me the same question at 30, 40 and 50 and the answer would be the same. Ask me on the eve of my 60 birthday, when for the next 12 hours I would be wearing a helmet and not leaving the house, then and only then, would I have picked Option#2.

So I asked a couple of teenagers, a 10 year old, a 7 year old and an almost 40 year old, the same question. They all gave the same answer which I didn't expect and they all answered ten million at 60. They also all said they would spend it all at 20. Never in a million years would I have expected that answer. Most of them come from my blood lineage and we are not good at delaying instant gratification.

We finished the night wandering neighborhoods, near and far. Bellys full of Snickers, Kit Kats and caramel apple suckers and still 2 days of school left, we move on. Still think it was an off night, maybe it was all the ghosts and goblins out last night. The stars were bright and it was a warm night. You just never know...