Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

My heart is so full... Full of hopes and dreams, the promise of Christmas and the end of another calendar year. What will 2013 bring, God only knows.

But, whatever it looks like, I think I am ready as I can be. Smart enough to understand that I can still be shocked at what human beings are able to do each other. Understanding that when I walk out my front door, all bets are off.

While it may seem that I have been replaced by Debbie Downer, I am ok with that for a while. There is no set time that we bounce back and go back to normal. While the New Year brings a new start for most of us, for many it will not. It will be the same hospital room, the same empty bedroom, the same heartache, the same hunger pangs, the same unpaided bills, the same shelter that is home.

May you and yours experience the fullness of Christmas. May your hearts be full, overflowing with gratitude, no matter what. And may the New Year brings hope to each of us. Merry Christmas...

Christmas 2012...

Update on Team Brianna!!! The Bone Marrow Transplant is starting to take a toll on her... She is in constant pain and is nauseated all the time.... She will be spending Christmas in the hospital from Sylma via FB.

Sylma is in the trenches with Brianna. She has been there to help in any way she can. She is Brianna's mom, best friend. She has no children of her own so Brianna and her brother are like her very own. She is also becoming my new BFF.

Christmas 2012 will be rememebered as a hard one. With Brianna in the hospital, it almost feels not right to enjoy the season. It seems like I should be on Hospital Time, which if you have ever experienced it, has a time all to its own.

Then last week, the unthinkable. I am so much more aware of every holiday tradition that I do. Last night was Keaton's holiday concert. Before it even started, I took a photo of a blank stage. I imagined 20 little people and their 6 teachers, all in their holiday best, ready to sing their hearts out. There was also one more girl, she sang Amazing Grace and you could tell, she meant every word.

But, that was just in my mind. A pretty picture but no truth in it. The reality is that those 26 will not be at their family gatherings and the one little angel singing, will most likely not be singing much of anything this Christmas.

Go what you do, celebrate to the fullest. Mourn when you feel the need and let the tears fall. Let the tears fall...

27...

via Cathy Zielske

If you find yourself, not wanting to do much, you are not alone.
If you want to keep your kids close and not let them go, you are not alone.
If your heart is heavy, you are not alone.

While many think they have answers or refuse to even discuss changing existing laws for fear of losses perceived rights, the truth is we are all, hurting. This is a multi-layer problem and no one has the correct way to make the pain we are feeling, go away.

Maybe with the unthinkable that has happened, we will understand that is will keep happening. We may start to understand that we are not safe, anywhere. Whether the grocery store, the movie theater, church and even school, we live in a different world and the problem will not be solved with less than different solutions.

Be with your feelings. The first of 27 funerals were held today. 25 more to go. Not a big deal if you live anywhere but Newtown. Remember those in prayer as you go through out your week. We have Keaton's Christmas concert tomorrow night. I will be remebering those who will be attending burials, not Christmas programs this week.

We will forget. There will be more mass shootings, maybe even more unimaginable than this one. Hard to believe now, but in a few days, not so much...

Sunday...

Waiting to hear about Brianna's bome marrow transplant on Thursday, we had no idea that after months of praying the healing of this precious one, in less than 24 hours there would be 20 children whose parents will be planning funerals, not Christmas shopping.

The weekend has been somewhat of a blur. With Keaton sick Thursday and Friday, Saturday there was a shopping trip with Gage and finished the night with our annual Christmas light tour. This morning, church via the internet, is playing in the background. Usually love listening to the sermon at midnight, my favorite time. It is dark, quiet and the words seem to stick with me, but that is another Story.

Sometime yesterday it occured to me that the same time those 20 babies entered heaven, so did the shooter. On Friday, I posted on FB, May God have mercy because mine is nowhere to be found. Later on in the weekend, I understood the kind of mercy I was talking about, it not mine to give. The weight is off my shoulders. Yet, the thought of them and him, in heaven together, seems so wrong, so unfair.

I knew a long time ago that I was going to dedicate our Christmas Light Tour to Brianna. I know there are lots of things going on in the hospital to cheer the kids up during the Christmas season, but to be outside, free to be. To got out for pizza and later, ice cream, is something she will not have this year. I prayed for her while we drove around. As the kids sang Christmas carols with the radio, I prayed for joy. Every bit of laughter, I wished a smile for her face. I also prayed for those just getting the news they already knew, and how this Christmas will mark their lives forever.

When, not if... it is the Story of all our lives. While it may look different, we each will have trials and the unthinkable happen to us and at Christmas, it feels gigantic. Too much, too much. It is Sunday and while Sunday holds no magic, it is a new day. A new day to pull up one's Big Girl panties and try again. We as a nation, will mourn but we will do it,

in our own way,
in our own time.
and then together, we will start to heal...

riding in a winter wonderland...

Realizing this year, the many layers of Christmas...

First it starts with a Charlie Brown Christmas. Soon, the month-long holiday music starts and then a month later, Thanksgiving...or so it seems.

They don't hit us all at one time. Slowly yet steadily, we are lured in by the powers of outside and inside. The struggle begins - how to make the holidays meaningful, fit in all our traditions and make sure there is a even amount for everyone, under the tree.

The truth is you can't do it all. Oh, you may think you can but eventually you will fess up and trim the list. The important versus the essential. It will occur to you that the simple things are the keepers and that is is alot of Christmas fat that can be trimed.

Maybe this year is different because of Brianna. It seems so crystal clear. Things that usually bother me, haven't fazed me in the least. Some of the layers are falling by the way side. I am good with it all. Even winter is seeming a wary, cozy place to land. It is different, yet satisfying. I wish everyone the same message. Like Tiny Time said, God bless us all...

men and Christmas gifts...

Got in on a radio conversation between a man and a woman, the subject was men giving gifts. The interesting part was when they started talking, lingerie. One of them read an article that said a man should never, ever buy lingerie. The thinking was he would either buy something that couldn't be worn in front of the children and risk buying the wrong size and getting into another kind of trouble.

DH is not a present buyer, never has been and when we stopped trying to make him so, it worked out alot better.

Go buy whatever you want, is his shopping motto and it works for us. I have a friend whose husband has his own ideas of gift giving and doesn't take imput for Christmas and Birthdays. It works for them.

Men are good for many things at Christmas time. Whatever strenghts your man has, go with that. All men are not made alike. Mine is not a Christmas light hanger but he encouraged his SIL from the ground and handed up pieces, as needed. He got my little white wax trees, up and running. Batteries included. Life is good...

standing firm...

We all have times that we lose it. Some of us are better at accepting that part of the human experience. I find it a bit difficult even though, I know it to be true.

Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are to show us that we are human. That Sometimes, it is ok, to fall apart. This has been that kind of weekend for me, but I am coming back and this time, stronger.

I have no new insight, no heavy revelations. Nothing has been done to show me that everything is going to be alright, maybe even the opposite but what I do have control over is my behavior, my beliefs. How I am going to perceive life and that will direct in which direction I am going to go. I am choosing to stand strong, no matter what.

No matter what.

Tears, bring them on, I am standing in the gap.

No matter what, I am prepared to stand in the gap.

Whatever that means and may look like, my focus and direction will stay constant.

Bad news, impossible dreams, a less than perfect ending.

I am standing firmly, in the gap.

I am strong, ready, go...

Sometimes, not so merry and bright...

You are in a good mood, Christmas music is playing and the mail is especailly anticipated. What you don't want is for anything to go wrong.

Thankfully, while the mug is broke, the other packages have so far, made it through, unharmed. Got a few more things coming, and then I will start my panic shopping.

Thank goodness, we live in an age of overnight everything and for the right price, we need not worry our pretty little heads too much. With email and few quick photos, our predicament is explained and a remedy will be on its way when said item is back in stock.

Just like Real Life, the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas is filled with things not so merry and bright. I know a little girl and her family who are facing a Plasma excahgne today, then chemo and a bone marrow transplant next week.

There are more important things than, Merry and Bright.

We are convinced this time of year that if we just give enough...everyone, yes, everyone will have a Merry Christmas and we can feel good about doing our part and going on to enjoy our Merry and Bright without a lot of guilt. If that gets you through...

We can't save the world.
We can't give enough to make our guilt, go away.

What we can do is learn to appreciate Merry and Bright when we can, and when we can't, to still be thankful. Anything less, would make us as broke as my Focus Ceramic Lens Cup...

favorite things...

This time of year, most everything is magical. even the plight of the homeless. Everywhere you turn, we are helping those less fortunate than ourselves. Of course that all ends on December 26 but that is another post.

Most of the things that make me somewhat giddy this time of year, have nothing to do with money. Sometimes the best things in life are free but we fail to see the value. The annual church Christmas program is one of them for me.

This will be the last year that we will be able to talk Gage into doing it. A few more years for Miss M and then, this seasonal tradition will be no more. I remember sitting through a month of practices with Brandi and now, with the grandbabies. There is just Something about children singing that brings the truth of Christmas, that much closer.

This morning was to be the surgery day for Brianna. Getting her ready for a bone marrow transplant, that will save her life. The surgery was cancelled, she had been running a temp of 103 all night. No info on when they are going to try again.

I had a nice talk with Brianna's mom yesterday. She talked of how they got moved to a new room in the hospital and how much better it was. She talked of the view outside their window. She told me that her mom had bought some things that glow in the dark and at night, that makes Brianna, the happiest.

We each have our favorites at Christmas. Old traditions kick in and Sometimes, we have to adjust and make new ones. On Dec 23, I will watch with tears in my eyes as Morgan and Gage sing their little hearts out. I will also remember that there are other families who would give anything to see their kids in a Christmas program. Praise be for new traditions. May God bless us, everyone...

Should anyone knock at my heart and say, Who lives here? I should reply, not Martin Luther but the Lord Jesus Christ. Martin Luther.

Suppose, I decided to start helping one of my very best friends. I want to share her, with the world. I make it my life time mission to spread the love that I have got from her, with everyone I meet.

Suppose I start by defining what I perceive her to be, then be it. Well meaning as I may be, my perception and even more, my reproduction of who she is, doesn't always translate. To go from one, through two and then to the world, you lose quite a bit. If she spoke for herself, I might even learn a thing or two.

Do the same for Jesus.
Stop right now.
Don't do anything for Him, every again.
Start right now.
Let Him speak through you.
Quite trying to show Him to the world,
Let Him, show Himself.

Fight the urge to project yourself, in any way. EVen if it seems like you are doing nothing, by doing less - you are doing more.

Let Him shine, or not. Let Him lead. Just be open and ready to go when called upon and not, until...

bad gifts...

Yes, you can give a bad gift. Some are intentional and some not, even though it would appear that they are. There are some things that should never be given as gifts. It is not the thought that counts unless it comes with a receipt and a clear concouis from the giver. In no special order, here is my list of Gifts You Should Never Give.

Pets - this has happened to us twice. Well meaning family and friends. Once a cat and then a dog. Really? Before you give a gift, ask yourself what you would think of said gift.

Purses - for the ladies in your life. If she has speciifically showed you a particular purse, don't give one you pick out as a gift. No matter how well meaning, a purse is as intimate as underwear. There are Somethings we should pick out for ourselves, leave it that way.

Cars - If it comes with a payment book. If you are buying it outright, go ahead and make sure to give them the receipt in case they have to take it back and get a different color. The gift of a car that comes with payment coupons, is not a gift. It is a debt. Not your place to give.

Am not ashamed that I would not donate a toy at the Dollar Store. If I would not buy one for one of mine, I will not for someone else and BTW, if you donate food to a Christmas food pounding or food bank, give the good stuff not the stuff in the back of our pantry...

Happiness Revealed...

You think today is just another day in your life, but it is not just another day.
It is the one day that is given to you, today.

It is given to you.
It is a gift that is given to you, right now.
It is the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness.

If you do not else but cultivate a response of gratitude throughout this day to the great gift that this unique day is, that will be enough.
As you learn to respond as if it was the first day of your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day, very well.
Happiness Revealed.

Not sure I agree with the title. One can be in awe and wonder without being happy. In fact in the worst of Moments, understanding that even in those terrible, maybe even horrible Moments, one can find and see, the Big Picture. Being happy has nothing to do with the Big Picture. Either does being sad, the Big Picture stands alone.

This will happen when we learn to live in the Moment. Can we go there and stay there? The things that we are able to put on auto pilot are usually, not the things of life that are essential. They may not even be of much importance. To live in the Moment will take everything you have to give. It will not always come seamlessly. On Days of Sorrow, it will seem like an eternity, but we have to face what is. The good and the bad.

We slip and slide. Our days are as unalike as they are alike. We fall into a life hypnosis where we are unable to see the small changes that are all around us. Take time to look and maybe, just maybe, you will see what you have never seen before...

any given day...

With the readily availabilty of techonology, we are going mobile, more and more everyday. That means we travel with more things than we use to. You can tell alot about a person from the stuff they carry with them.

I told a friend the other day that I loved following a mutual friend on Pinterist because I can tell where her head was on any given day by her pins. Her boards would give you the overall theme of her life but a round of daily pins might take you in a completely different direction.

Why do we like to sleep with someone's tshirt when they are gone? We miss them and their smell makes us feel like they are right next to us. We miss the people and hence, their stuff becomes precious to us.

She was gone for a minute, but as I saw her stuff all together, it made me smile and that is the way it should be...

telling...

This is not the first time I have taken his picture. He is at Flying M about as much as I am. One can not be a creature of habit here, sometimes you have to take whatever table is available. This is no place to expect your favorite spot to be waiting for you.

As a watched him, he seemed to have no prefence as to his seating. I imagine that in his Real Life, he would be the same way. He seems to move like he knows any place here, is not one that belongs to him. Would also further imagine that he loves to travel. Always moving, not expecting to settle.

I know several people that seem to go from place to place. Literally. If they are talking to you, they grab the closest chair and when they are done, move on. I imagine their lives are fluid and in turn, are a bit easier.

The areas where I am able to be fluid, are not here. Chair seating appear to be a big issue with me. I am well aware of it. Am I working on it? Had not thought about it until just now but, maybe.

We are telling all kinds of things about ourselves and can be totally unaware of it. We all have our quirks, ticks and oddities. It is ok, it is part of the human experience but I can't help but wonder if I was able to change the whole chair thing, if it wouldn't change other parts of my life and be a very good thing. Imagine, never having to imagine...

to be known...

The two ladies at the post office known me, pretty well now. Well, they don't know me but when they see the Hello Kitty duck tape on my packages, then, they know me. They also know Brianna and her Story.

They ask me how she is doing, we chat a bit. I explain how after the bone marrow transplant, her blood will change to the donor's type. I have told them about the paintings of butterflies she does on canvas.

They know the Hello Kitty duck tape. The instant they look at the packages because I put it on everything I send. They have gone as far as Minnesota and Missouri and as close as home.

Yesterday after a bit of small talk, the mail lady looked right at me and said, It is going to be alright. She is young and she will bounce back fine.. Not particularly though-proving words but by the time I got out to the car, I knew they were words of comfort, and not necessarily from her. It was just a feeling. I have had these kind of feelings before. Can't expalin it, don't understand it but firmly, believe it.

Hello Kitty duck tape, who knew?...

the color purple...

I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. Alice Walker

I think we would all be surprised at what pisses God off. I can about guarantee it won't be the things we think and suspect that what hurts him the worse, is the things we never suspected.

He has alread seen it all. With Adam and Eve, it didn't take long and after that, things pretty much went off the rail and have pretty much stayed that way. The things that make us shudder are not news to Him. There is nothing that we can do that would take him by surprise. His expectations are of the hope kind, not the expected kind. It is not about the things we do for Him or in His name. I imagine he would be all about the little things that we take little or no notice of. The ones that impress us the most, probably impress Him, the least.

Purple is one of my least favorite colors but I can guarantee you the next time I see it, Miss Alice's words will haunt me and there will be ,an instant correction course. I am going to miss alot but my hope is that I will be able to see a bit of what He sees. If I have done that, I will be the lucky one...

Oh my God...

At our house, we don't say, Oh my God, as an adjective for all Things That Make Us Crazy. Our grandchildren have been taught it is a form of taking the Lord's name in vain. You can say other words and it is highly suggested, that they do.
We don't say it lightly or often but when we do this is what we mean. Here is the absolute best argument I have heard on the correct usage of these three words.

Never“When people see my images a lot of times they will say ‘Oh my God.’ Have you ever wondered what that meant? The ‘oh means it caught your attention, it makes you present, it makes you mindful. The ‘my’ means it connects with something deep inside your soul, it creates a gateway for your inner voice to rise up and be heard. And God, ‘God’ is that personal journey we all want to be on, to be inspired, to feel like we are connected to a universe that celebrates life.” thought of it this way. Louie Schwartzberg.

Whatever your feelings about those three words, remember this. It might just make your day!

my favorite week of the year...

Sickness took over the end of the week. A couple days with Miss M and then Papa. Everyone is on the mend and it is the eve of my favorite week of the year.

Three days of being able to soak in all that Thanksgiving week is before the swooshing sounds of retail clamoring, hit our personal airwaves. I love hustle and bustle, the energy of the holidays and over the years, have learned, how to enjoy without going as crazy. This week, these three little days, bring a spirit of what is to come, yet allows us to kick back and thoroughly, take it all in.

Whether we start our Black Friday experience Thanksgiving night or at 4am the next morning, it will remind us in grand style, that Christmas is coming. The more Christmases I have under my belt, the less it bothers me that we humans have turned it into something it was never meant to be. You take the good with the bad and make it work for you and yours. A little Jingle Bell Rock, never killed anyone.

Some of my family will be spending Thanksgiving in a hospital this year. Never in a million years, would they have guessed that summer would turn into fall and they would still find themselves, in a hospital room. We will be thinking about them and wishing them a wonderful Thanksgiving. That despite the location, they are all together. So very much to be thankful for.

May you and yours enjoy this week. May your Thanksgiving be a day of truly being thankful, no matter where you find yourself. Whatever the circumstances of your life, may you be able to say, thank you, for what you do have. May you learn to love living in the Moment, and adjust accordingly. May your heart be full, no matter what...

PS See you next week!

spreading the Word...

When it comes to getting the word out about the important things in our lives, it doesn't get any better than using technology.

Got a call last night from Brianna's mom and nana and trying to get the word out. They are gearing up for a Bone Marrow Transplant and Miss B is needing healthy cells to replace hers that just aren't getting the job done. The family wanted to do a nation wide blood drive but the hospital will only accept local donors. The site is The Children's Hospital in Orange, California.

If you have a Facebook or Twitter and are able, would you spread the word with me? Even if you don't know anyone in California, maybe someone who would see your post, does.

I believe that we are all able to do something, even if we think we don't have much to offer. You have more than you think and together, we can do this thing... Thank you so much!

exercise...

Halfway through my fifth month of 5 days a week. Miss Shelli was right, it doesn't get any easier and that was with warm weather. Now that is is cold, it is a bit harder to do, yet - so far, so good.

I know intellectually that is is good for weight and heart.
I know I need to do it.
but I have learned, there are other benefits.

Mental. I have noticed that the stress I may come in with on any given day, is dialed down or even gone, after a bit of exercise. It is a time to think thoughts and day dream. Getting one's mental ducks in a row, hard not to see the payoff there. For that only, the bright shirts are worth it.

There have been days when the last thing I wanted to do was put on those clothes and go work out. If you would look into my closet, it is a sea of black and denim. Still is. My gym clothes have their own basket. There is also every color you could imagine in that basket. All my workout shirts are bright colors. I hate bright colors.
However, laundry is easier and the brights are something of an icon. If I ever love exercise, the shirts will go black. Or grey, starting to like grey...

Living the Moment...

Saturday night with the grands and a game of Monopoly...

I am well aware that the days and nights of kids being with their grandparents is fleeting. Keaton is beginning to be of the age where his friends count the most. I get that. I remember being his age and, anywhere but home, was my anthem. So I make the most of my time, and watching for the signals when it is time to let go.

We might have a few more years with Gage and Morgan but the point is to live being in the Moment and in the meantime, put on your Big Girl training wheels and start learning to, let go.

Since we don't come with instructions, when it is time to let go, seems pretty murky territory. Some hang on too long, some, too short. Both have devestating consequences. The whole we are playing the game, I am fully aware of what is to come. We always tell Keaton, if he has something else to do, to do it. We will wait.

Wanting to have a wonderful relationship, complete with trust and respect for them, is what I hope for. For them to share what they want, if they want, when they want. That all takes work on my part, not theirs.

I love them so. They will never know what wonderful life they have brought to me. Living in the Moment is one of the best things they have ever shown.

Train a grandparent in the way they should go and they won't depart from it.

We have had the best. The very best. Thank you darlins, Love nana and poppa

hug...

I got to hug someone a few weeks ago.
that I never thought I would see again, let alone, hug.
I got to hug her three times.
I am still amazed and so thankful.

It is easy to be thankful about the big things. Every time we dodge one of life's potentially, devestating bullets, we breathe a sigh of relief. Whew, that was close. If we are young, we imagine that we have dodged them until Someday Down The Road. If we are older, we know SDTR, is close.

It is true that the older we get, the less energy we have for drama unless you are fueled by drama but most of us just don't have the energy it takes to sustain it. One has to do something with all that time and if we haven't in the past, there is no time like today to be thankful for something in our lives.

First Hurricane Sandy, yesterday the noreaster winds. Those people might have to dig a bit deep for their gratitude. Maybe just being alive is enough. I hope for many of them, that it is. Their needs may be overwhelming and maybe you are in the same boat and all you can offer is a hug, wouldn't that be enough?

Wherever we find ourselves today, whether in need or want, we are capable of doing something. Whether a hug, a word or sharing the idea of thankfulness, we can each do something. Find your something today...

Thankful...

We tell each other that we are on vacation, everyday. Retirement seems like something that our parents would be doing if they were alive. Still had to believe that were have been married for almost 41 years, that is until we look in the mirror.

I don't know when the wrinkles started or when they became so pronounced. I feel much younger until I see myself, then reality sets in. This photo is going on a blanket for a Christmas gift. Hoping I look better on fabric than on paper.

The feeling that you are younger on the inside than the outside is one that is universal to all of us. We still feel events of life at the age we experienced them. That is why we know every word of the music of our youth. They are all there for the taking, and when the radio starts playing, I am in jr high all over again. The Beach Boys take me back to being 16 and having a driver license and free to go however far the gas I could afford, would take me. The year I found out the truth about Santa, still feels like it did that Christmas morning.

These vacation days, are our new normal. We can take a picture, see a movie or stay home. We can go to the store whenever we want, and see our family whenever they are home. No more missed holidays and on those days we need to rock out, their is no lines or waiting. Let the music go...

Too close to call...

Couple of things I learned today about voting.

The company you work for is by law, required to let you off work to vote.

If you are in line when the polls close in your state, they have to allow you to vote.

Dh had to register this year before he could vote. His job has kept him from voting more than once. Those days are behind him now. We got to our polling place a bit before 9am to check it out and it was the perfect time to go. By the time we left, the lines were out the front door of the elementary school.

It is just past 6pm here and the polls are closing on the East Coast. Waiting for Ohio and Virginia returns to come in and perhaps give us the numbers we need to see a winner.

My state is a done deal. Red, through and through. There are many states just like us. No surprises, done deal.

Too close to call...

I love this night. Every four years, it is Must See TV, for me. All the money, and time we have invested. The millions of Facebook postings and repostings. Predictions are about to become true and false.The amount of stats that will be given tonight, makes me giddy. Who is voting, how they voted in 2000 and which counties are changing because the college kids are now older and able to vote.

Whether my guys wins or not, we win. The process that lasts for years, and makes us crazy is still the best in the world. Lots of men and women gave their lives so we could have the honor of voting. Would want them to be proud, that they didn't give their lives in vain. Thank you, each and every one...

sheep...

Notes from Goat and Sheep sermon.

Sheep will eat plants right out of the ground.
Sheep are followers

Goats eat, and walk. Eat, and walk.
Goats are leaders.

So you mix goats and sheep together. Goats keep moving and sheep, being natural followers, follow thereby protecting the flora of the land.



PJ went on to explain how when sheep get scared, they freeze. They literally won't move for wolf or shepherd. If one strays, the shepherd must go find him and carry the lost sheep back to the fold.

People are likened to sheep but not sure it is accurate. While some freeze, I would think that most of us, run quite. wild. In any and all directions, giving little thought to consequence. We would be a better lot if we did stay still and wait to be rescued instead of heading into the wilderness of life without some kind of GPS.

What about if you stay still and a wolf comes to eat you? Do you stay or go?

Fight or flight?

I think some of us are like sheep. When we are fixed on something, we will run it into the ground. My motto is, if one is good, two is better. If a little is good, than alot is much better. That is what gets me in trouble, time and time again. Will I ever learn? I dare say, probably not. The flora around me will attest to that.

Maybe some of us are like goats. Always on the move, never staying in one place for too long. Combining the two makes alot of sense. It always comes back to balance, doesn't it?, and it takes it takes a lifetime to learn that...

inheritance...

Within our family, there is always the spoken or unspoken concerning inheritance. Whether your mother writes different family names on plates and bowls (true)or you are told outright, that is mine when she dies(also true), we all pretty much know how the stuff is going to be split.

That was true for my family. My father had a very sizable inheritance coming his way, he talked about it all the time. It would available late in his life but he would not have to worry about where his next meal was coming from, for the rest of his life. He would tell my sister and I about how we would also share in the inheritance of the Farm. There was emough for us all.


It was always in the back of our minds, that someday we too, would not have to worry about food or shelter. That came to an abrupt end when after my father passed away, we found out from my aunt that my father had sold his part of the inheritance to her for 1/100 of what it was worth. He never told us what he had done. It felt like a cruel joke but if you understood the history, you would say, but of course.

When my FIL passed away, my friend who was a realtor told me, Watch out! People will fight over the smallest of things. The worse comes out in people at times like this. She was right, it was but a few hours later that a relative helped himself not only into the house but to the specific thing he wanted. It would not end there. Another relative who had more personal stuff than nayone in the family, wanted to dismantle a photo to see who painted it because she wanted it if her mother was the artist. Wow.

It is no wonder that my favorite parable is the Prodigal Son. So unfair, from a human point of view but in the end, it is still stuff. Inheritance is the character, the humanities, that you have left behind. No amount of stuff can compare to the countenance of leaving a legacy of love, grace, kindness and joy. If you were robbed of your true inheritance, make sure you leave Something behind better than was left to you...

would you rather...

Before Trick or Treating last night at dinner, I posed the question that I heard asked early that morning, Would you rather have $100,000 at age 20 or 10,000,000 at age 60?
I thought it would be a no brainer, again, I was wrong.

Of course, the answer to this question depends on the age. If you had asked me the night before I turned 20 and 2 days before I got married, I would have taken the hundred grand, on the spot. It also goes without saying that it would be all gone way before my 21 birthday.

Ask me the same question at 30, 40 and 50 and the answer would be the same. Ask me on the eve of my 60 birthday, when for the next 12 hours I would be wearing a helmet and not leaving the house, then and only then, would I have picked Option#2.

So I asked a couple of teenagers, a 10 year old, a 7 year old and an almost 40 year old, the same question. They all gave the same answer which I didn't expect and they all answered ten million at 60. They also all said they would spend it all at 20. Never in a million years would I have expected that answer. Most of them come from my blood lineage and we are not good at delaying instant gratification.

We finished the night wandering neighborhoods, near and far. Bellys full of Snickers, Kit Kats and caramel apple suckers and still 2 days of school left, we move on. Still think it was an off night, maybe it was all the ghosts and goblins out last night. The stars were bright and it was a warm night. You just never know...

help...

Does anyone know of any organizations that help with more than just toys for Christmas time?

There is a local Buy and Sell group that someone introduced me too a while back and I am quite taken with it.

Kids clothes, shoes, household items, dogs and cats. Nothing seems to be off limits and prices range from very good to youcouldgetitbrandnewatWalmartfor lessthan that. Have seen partial bottles of perfume,skin cleaner and more. When the buyer and seller settle on a price, they decide on a location, usually in a parking lot to make the exchange. It seems odd to me that someone would drive across town for an item that costs $3.

Today, I found a post with the questions about help for Christmas. There were 61 responses. This person lives in a shelter. Someone else with a small child who also lives in a shelter, commented also. They did both say they wished someone would adopt their children for Christmas. There were few offers of instant help but many resources were offered, even someone who would walk them through the process - signing up with Salvation Army, Boise Resque Mission, etc.

In many of these posts, the phrase, Must go today, is used over and over. Apparently an issue of space restriction. Not sure how a chair or exercise bike would be a matter of urgency to move and if it was, one could take it to SA or Youth Ranch for immediate disposable, if space is at a premium. I have always been successful with putting something by the curb and putting a free sign on it. Always gone, usually within a few hours.

This must be the new way to market one's wares and maybe more. I hope these two ladies take advantage of the help offered. If they were looking for more and fade away, they weren't in it for the right reason. There are so real needs out there and it has always been in my heart that people are hungry all year long, yet the Salvation Army pails are put away the day after Christmas. Just leave the pots, you don't need ringers. We humans are smart enough to find them and put in money by ourselves in June, July or August. When we have stopped on the store on our way to a BBQ or birthay party, we understand that we were able to buy what we needed yet someone else, could not. Time to Go Big or go home...

Team Brianna...

Have bee working on putting together Team Brianna and we are ready to go. From wonderful Mary who got the Hello Kitty charms to me in short order when I told her Brianna's Story to the clerk at the post office who now knows Brianna's Story and where I am sending my parcel. It has been a labor of love, of many.

I haved shared Brianna's Story everywhere I go. Even a funeral. The one to whom I told Brianna's Story works in a hospital and knew all about the diagnosis. She said she would pray for Brianna.

I share Brianna's Story at Walmart with the young clerk when we discussed that we didn't know they made Hello Kitty duct tape. She shared that a girl at her high school had cancer and they started a team for her. I told her I would pray for her friend.

I ran across a talk in Ted this week, by Dan Buettner.

How to live to be 100+.

In his talks, he explains how we weren't built for longevity. He shares the nine diet and lifestyle changes that have proven to make us last longer. It is not just about eating nuts and berries. We are more than what we eat.

We know isolation kills

I have started to take his happiness quiz and the questions were interesting to say the least.

Do you won a pet?

How many hours a day do you listen to music?

If asked, could you explain your sense of life's purpose in a phrase or sentence?

I will tell you, I got a D+.

Suggestions for a better life were to get a dog, go outside more, turn off the TV and sleep more. Can not say I disagree with them, not sure what I will change if anything.

What Dan is trying to say is that we are social animals. 15 years ago, the average person had three close friends, now we have 1 1/2. It is a combination of diet, social and taking time for ourselves. All that to say, I have been quite social lately. As for the dog, maybe Someday...

passwords...

Here is a list of the worse passwords of 2012. Some, you can understand but Ashley coming in at #19? Or monkey at #6.

I will admit that a variation of one of these, is one of my passwords. I have already changed it but quite honestly, I sometimes run out of options for passwords. I now have them in my address book. It seems like that might be a good business opportunity but then you would have to protect yourself from the Password People.

If I lived on Chicken Dinner Road like a friend of mine, that would be my default password for everything or the side street that intersects, Drumstick Rd.

1. password

2. 123456

3. 12345678

4. abc123

5. qwerty

6. monkey

7. letmein

8. dragon

9. 111111

10. baseball

11. iloveyou

12. trustno1

13. 1234567

14. sunshine

15. master

16. 123123

17. welcome

18. shadow

19. ashley

20. football

21. jesus

22. michael

23. ninja

24. mustang

25. password1

seen...

Keaton's first choir concert tonight. The Manly Men and the Lovely Ladies were manly and lovely.

The boys and about boy things - pirates, and a salute to those who have fought for our country so we could be free. Most certainly, manly worthy.

The girls sang a few darling girls songs and ended with the Battle Hymn Of The Republic. Not the most feminine of songs but the words cross every gender barrior and apply to us all. Whether you are spiritual or not, whether in nature or seen in nurture, it seems difficult to deny.

Mine eyes have seem the glory of the coming of the Lord.

Sunrise or sunset.
The birth of a new baby.
Witness to a miracle.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the lord.

What does that look like for you and me?

I can only answer for myself but right now, in this very Moment, it looks like understanding that hope is greater than fear, and that is just fine with me...

triggers...

We all have them, good and bad.

I love Fall. Summer is like going to OZ for the weekend but Fall is the everydayness of the things we love...Except when it starts to change. The calendar tells me we have many, more fall days until winter but the minute the rain starts falling and the leaves tremble as they fall to the ground, I lose a little of my Fall Love.

Not unlike when a certain song comes on in the car while we are just busy living our lives. We are instantly transported to a certain day and time. We can remember where we were and who we were with. If someone calls me Nainie, I can tell you that it is someone who knew me while I was still in my teens, mostly family. I hadn't hear that in a long time, it was nice and familiar.

The bad triggers may get more or our attention. Just like the good ones, they take us back to a time in our lives that we may have even forgot about, momentarily. The triggers that affect me the most are the ones that were in the first half of my life. The second half or life, not so much. Obviously, as children, we are more aware and those triggers make us feel like a kid again, either good or bad.

My favorite triggers are music. For as long as I shall live, I will never understand how we have song lyrics in our head that refuse to leave. It tells me we all have a larger capacity brain than we are using. Steve Jobs might have tapped into that with the iPod. Althought my love for All Things iPad is widely known, it all started with having my favorite songs not entire albums. I carry a iPod Shuffle and a Nano with me. While I drool over an iPhone, this keeps me happy and a happy girl is, well, the best anyone can wish for...

forefront...

Who - my friend who lost her dad Sunday
What - one who comes to mind often, for peace and acceptance.
When - strengthen my resolve to not need answers until, Someday.

Every morning, we each wake up with a million thoughts running through our heads. I am one of the lucky ones who has the time to continue these early morning thoughts. The are at the forefront of my mind for most of the day. Some are the same every day, many more are not.

While our circumstances may wildly vary, we each have life things that must be attended to. Family, jobs. The fires that get up out are the ones that have the biggest flames. The ones that need immediate attention, come first. Whatever is the most forefront in our minds, gets our attention.

Here is the deal. I think we have more control about what those things are if we are flexible and open. If you pray, don't let it suck the life out of you. Don't have a list and then feel bad if you forget Something on the list.

Leave room in your forefront for the unexpected.

Go ahead and plan your day but keep a bit of your forefront open to anything. I believe that anything is possible. I didn't always, I do now. It doesn't always happen but that doesn't nigate the fact that it is possble. Big difference in thinking, even bigger difference in perception.And that, can change the world...

instructions...

Most things we buy come with some kind of instruction. Even food tells us that a can of soup is two servings. Really, do you know anyone who can make a can of soup last for 2 meals?

The first few computers we bought, had a manual a mile long. The last one I bought have a fold out with lots of pictures and little else. It seems that it is no longer possible to get much instuction with anything we buy but, it might be available on line.

And then, there are babies. They come with absolutely nothing at all. Naked, and wet is our first glimpse of them and not once, has a How To manual come with any of them. We are human, we need manuals. we are not as DIY as we like to think. It is true that even if babies came with manuals, some would not take the time to read, no less execute what they read. While we can get bogged down with information sometimes, a little bit is helpful. Sometimes a bit more, is needed.

Was looking for a recipe yesterday and took time to check through 4 pages of comments. We are talking a three ingredient recipe. In those 4 pages were every imaginable variations that one could imagine. We took something that was simple, good and easy and made it complicated, unhealthy and confusing. That is what we humans do.

Right to the point, concise. Not too much or not enough, just like the Three Little bears, just right...

RIP Papa K...

There was a certain gruffiness to him. If you knew him, you knew that was just his way.
My friend's father yet he embraced me and mine, when he didn't have to. My girl says he was a better grandparent than her birth ones, that is how she remembers him.

The pain he was in yesterday and many days before that, is now gone. He is now with Jesus. That is what I believe, and I imagine that even today, his gruffiness with a big heart was what he met Jesus with.

We are each, one of a kind. There is no one quite like me, or you. We are remembered by family and friends by our encounters of Love that we showed with the time we were given. We stand alone like others before us, yet the memories we leave are unique to each of us. Thank you Papa for the Love you showed to me and mine. May God bless you. as you did for us...

no...

Sometimes, the answer is no. Rather, that is our perception when we don't get what we want or have prayed for.

I imagine that while no, is how we look at the prayer that was not answered to our liking, Down The Road, it will all be clear. I know, I know - there are passages in the bible that in essence say, Ask and it shall be yours, then we do and it doesn't come. We are left with a mailbox full of bills. no food in the house and worse.

The bible also says, when not if. When you walk through the deep waters of life. Not if, but when. As I prayed for 3 life or death situations going on in my circle of life right now, I became painfully aware that a no might be part of the future. We know intellectually that people don't live forever but when they are our old people, it is different. When praying for a child, it is even harder.

On Twitter last night, parents were asking for last rite prayers for the teenage son who was dying of cancer. The family had gathered around him, his breathing was heavy and they didn't know if he had hours or days. They were asking not for prayers of a cure, but for prayers of peace. That this wonderful child might feel the Love all around him, that even though he put up a gallant fight, it was ok to, stop...and rest.

When we find ourselves up against a no, we have two choices. We can walk away or, we leave our pain and fear at his door, for another time. Looking for a word to replace no because I don't think it suits us or God, well. While I am searching, my prayers continue. Run the race, run it now. Run it strong, run through the tears. Just, run...

school...

Learned this morning that in France, school kids have 4 day weeks, 2 hour lunchs and there is legislation being looked at right now to ban homework. It seems that a substantial amount of kids don't have parents who will help with said homework and that would put them at an unfair advantage so all work will have to be done at school. Also heard that Spain has a 3 hours lunch which explains why you will never see a Spanish flag on the moon.

I know of one school in the valley does the same thing for somewhat the same reason. Parents, for whatever reason, are inconsisent in getting homework done so none is sent home. Is that bad? Not sure.

Read an interesting article also this week about college and how in ten years time, it will all be done on the internet and it will all be free. Imagine, no more student loans issues and everyone who has access to a computer, could get a college degree. There is legistation pending here to give all high school seniors, laptops. In a perfect world I would all over that but I understand that this is less than a perfect world. If I was given a laptop, I can guarantee it would be sold/traded immmediately for cash to be more important things, like alcohol. There are many more households now where this would be the likely scenrio and the kid is left holding the bag. The same parents who can't/won't do help with homework would most certainly be heavily involved in a laptop program and not in a good way.

Technology is changing the world faster than we can keep up with, emotionally. There are such possiblilites and this young minds are finding new ways to do things, everyday. I am amazed at the ideas, that seem to come so naturally to them.

Move to France? Probably not. Closer to DisneyWorld? Now you are talking. If they are right and school goes online, it won't matter where one lives. Imagine, never having to, imagine...

rich...

Was blog jumping and the writer talked about as a kid, she thought that only rich people had picnic tables. She now is the proud owner of a beautiful, woooden picnic table and feels on top of the world.

I frequented a rich person's home and that second refrigerator in the garage, filled with more soda pop than I could ever drink. I remember thinking one would have it made and when I got a refrigerator in the garage, filled with all the pop I would drink, I thought I was the richest person in the world.

We all have lots of ideas when we are kids. Some are dreams. Some are make believe and some are spot on. Some have imaginary friends who could not be more Real and some live lives that no child should ever have too. We come into this world, innocent and full of curosity and possibilities. What seemed to make perfect sense as a child, dometimes, doesn't translate into adulthood. But maybe, just maybe, that little girl who thought you must be rich to have a simple thing was right and maybe the adult, needs to step back and relearn a few things, from the little one who may know better...

leap of faith...

We take them, everyday.

Life is about an endless chain of leaping from one thing to another. Some are fixed, yet if we were being honest, is anything in life truly, fixed? The very act of leaping, does take faith. It means taking that step of faith with no promise of a favorable outcome. There is danger and fear in every step and with all available information says, this may not have been a great idea.

If it was easy, we would all do it. You will at some time in your life, be faced with taking a leap of our own. Make a plan but remember, when it comes right down to it, it will still take faith on your part. It always as and always will...

defense...

I don't know much about sports. Not having boys or a DH who was sports-minded, it was never much on my life's radar. Having Gage and BSU football, has changed all that. We even add a cable box for a few months, just so we can watch the BSU games.

I have always loved the idea of football in the fall, running in the background. The mere sound of it, is now a calming effect. Don't care who is playing who, it all sounds the same.

In my conversatiosns with Gage and Poppa, I have learned a few things about football, and about myself. It would seem that defense and offense are two different minds sets. I thought everyone on the team could pretty much play any position, with a bit of help. I see now, how crazy that is. If I was to suit up for Coach Pete, I would most definitely be, defense. No doubt.

All my life, I have played defense, one way or another. Ready at a moment's notice to take out whoever was trying to get past me. Physically, I was born to play defense. I am a big girl and I am not afraid to show it. Come at me, if you will but be ready to pay the price. I will stand in line and wait, like I see those huge defense guys do, and when it is time, take you down. Can't beleive I never saw that before.

Some may call it over protection, it is those anger issues that get trigger the fight or flight response. I am a bit too old to engage in fist fights but would if need be.

Sports may have come to me, late in life but it is never too late to learn. There are some great lessons to be learned, and I think, this is the perfect time to get into the game...

damaged goods...

I saw an ad the other day for a cleaner that would clean a 10 yr old cookie sheet. IMHO, cookie sheets have a short life and need to be replaced not cleaned. On average, I buy sets of three every year. I just can get myself to use an old, hunk loving piece of metal to try my delicious(insert food here)new favorite.

This sign might change my mind.

Damaged but still good.

Sounds a lot like what most of us say to ourselves, at one time or another. None of us is perfect, and we are probably a whole lot worse than even we imagine. If we applied this sign to our lives, I imagine we would be more loving, more understanding of others. The way we treat others is shadowed by the way we treat ourselves. Love me, love my friends. If we are able to see pass the outside, we might get a glimpse of the pretty, good inside. If I can see the flaws in myself and decide to look beyond, for a second glimpse...I can do the same for you and that, could change the world...

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

I know, I know. The song is about Christmas but I think I could make a pretty good case about fall, fitting the bill.

There are many of us that think fall is the best. The warm days and cool, crisp mornings. The trees and leaves are starting to turn colors. There are pumpkins, everywhere and there is a feeling of being one with all things, fallish. Hot cocoa after raking leaves, making smores around the fire pit, and visiting the pumpkin patch once...or twice.

Fall just makes me happy. Exercise seems like a good thing. Wearing a jacket first thing in the morning, is a small price to pay when one know's that in a few hours, it will be short sleeve weather again.

Along with my daily To Do list, during this time of the year, the idea of being greatful, is an easy one. The Big Picture is easier to see. The best of life can be seen for miles.

Today was a good day. A quick trip to the local pumpkin patch, with my camera, was all I needed to put this day in perspective. Thank you Fall, I so needed to see the world through your eyes. You are a true friend, and one to be greatful for, and I am...

prayer...

We have been praying for Brianna for many weeks now. Praying that God will touch her and heal her. So far, we are still praying. Asking nicely, sometimes, begging through tears. Courtesy of Brandi, we are praying the Word of God, inserting Brianna's name, which comforts us as well.

As I was walking the track today, here comes The Weary Kind again, on my shuffle. If you have seen the movie, Crazy Heart, you know the song. First thing Friday, this song came on and I was reduced to tears. I kept moving and then heard these words. Funny, usually on the shuffle, there are no repeats...

And this ain't no place for the weary kind
This ain't no place to lose your mind
This ain't no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try
. The Weary Kind/Ryan Bingham

It didn't make the tears go away but it reminded me that prayer isn't a quiet, little ritual. It is a powerful, maybe even animated force, that is not to be taken lightly. No matter what you are praying about or for, it is a time that is not to be messed with. If you have been praying and it seems like you have not gained ground, don't let it get you down. Don't rely on what you can see. Know that what you can't see, it greater than what you could ever imagine. Be confident that as you pray, God is near and is praying with you. So, I pick nyself up, wipe my tears and go on. I believe that God is able to do anything and I believe in Brianna's prayer - I know it doesn't look good now, but I am going to be alright. Word...

daily...

Am compling a list of Things To Do, Every Day - No Matter What.

Whether the sun is shining, or my heart is barely beating. Some, like gratitude and prayer are of a spiritually nature. Some, like being fluid and less sarcastic, are more of a personality issue. Learning to be satisified by recoginizing that I am full, will be a constant battle, one that will never be mastered this side of heaven.

Maybe the same can be said for each of my Dailies. That by admitting to being human, I understand and do by acknowledge, that very little comes naturally and that most everything is a discipline on some kind of sliding scale.

It is easy to love my family, it is easy to love chocolate. I had a Golden Corral kind of day last week. I mean, I really did go to Golden Corral, Miss M chose that as her place to eat on our sleepover. She always choses Chapala, always but at the last minute, Golden Corral was the choice. You would have thought I never have seen a buffet and would not be able to gather food, for a long, long time. I did not hold back. It was a free for all, right on my many plates. Wish I could say that won't happen again but it will. Maybe I will stop sooner, maybe not.

It is a list that I will continue to add to. Very few times can we sit down, make a complete list and not have or want to add too it. We are grocery list kind of people. You start a list days before you are going to the store, you tell everyone to add what they need as they think of things, as do you. Three days is a good number, if you/they haven't remember they ran out or needed something in three days, it can wait until the next shopping trip.

Tomorrow, I am going to add being brave. Life is risky and sad enough as it is, I don't need to foresee and imagine what else could go wrong. Yes, definitely adding being brave...

strangers...

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. Heb 13.2


Are there times, that we prefer strangers around us, instead of people we know and love? I think there may be.

This is the stuff for late night talks around the fire. The air is cold, the fire feels good against our toes and faces, our bellies full of smores. Ideas pop up that would never see the light of day. Free to contemplate the what ifs of life, we set our minds free, and follow their lead in new directions.

Strangers allow us to tell our Stories, one more time.
Strangers let us to be emotional when we can no longer be strong.
Strangers mayt bring a new perspective to an old problem.

I always, until this very Moment, saw the Hebrews verse as a physical, hospitality, the act of preparing a meal for one unknown. What if it also includes, the sharing of ourselves? At times we need it the most and by that very act, been loved on by angels. Wow...

true...

All things live, all things die and God is in control.Donald Miller.

Seems a bit cold. While this is not news to us, it is not a Place we want to think about or can stand to live. I can't tell you how many conversations I have had about what it would it take for me to give up my faith and walk away. Would I have the strength, the will, the faith - to keep walking. To keep trusting, to keep loving, to keep believing.

How about the death of my child or my grand babies, would I be able to see a Bigger Picture that God would send or would I say, on the inside, Screw you and walk away?

The truth mayb lie in the Moment. Trying to hedge your bets for future acts, can not be done. We have what we need in the Moment and don't get more until we need it. And then, it is up to us to accept it. Lord, help us all...

walk away...

don't be afraid to walk away. Unknown.

I say unknown but really, I can't remember where I heard this but I do know that I keep coming back to it.

In the middle of a deep conversation today, these words kept coming back. There are things we all need to do and things we should not be doing. As with all of life, knowing how to tell them apart is tougher than it looks and we do and will make mistakes.

If you walk away for the wrong reasons, you will be sorry and there will be consequences. That is what we fear, the consequences. That fear will freeze us in our tracks and make us less likely to try again. If we should walk away but won't because of fear, commitment or failure, there are emotional consequences. Have a had at least one issue in this camp this week, made a decision and will live with the consequences.

We will never get it right.
We will make mistakes.
But I have to think that if we are not afraid to walk away,
we will make more better choices, than if we were afraid.
It gives us a choice, it gives us the ability to live freely.
It gives us the chance to be human, and live with those choices...

reality...

You are going to be okay. Your moods are rarely reality. Reality is something else. Trust God.Donald Miller.

Good words to start the new month off with...

IMHO, reality shows in the droves that we now watch, have skewed our idea of what is real and what is not real. Maybe blogging has also. we live in a immediate gratification world and with that, comes change, and the change comes from having a new normal.

I know of several situations where families are experiencing a new normal. The loss of a loved one, sickness of another. Their lives, not their moods, have been changed and it is a permanent change.

Read this morning about a family who took a 31 day challenge to their finances. Nothing but essentials for 30 days. No clothing, eating out or Starbucks. They saved over $1000 in a month. That is a mood, there are many people out there who live the same way because they have no other choice, and they, don't save anything. In fact, they go into the money hole, deeper and deeper every month.

What is my mood today?
What is my reality today?
What is the Place where these two meet?

And, what does that look like in my life? Making a list of things I try to practice every day. Telling these two apart and making choices based on those identifications, just made the list...

what do you believe...

You will never know how much you believe something until it is a matter of life and death. C.S Lewis

If you believe in Something, most of us will take that belief, pretty far out there. We will defend it, protect it and if done in an unhealthly way, lie about it.

There are obviously degrees, of beliefs. Some we believe until it has been proven to us, that it can not possibly be true. Some beliefs, when it concerns our families, we deny and refuse to see what it really is, even when it is right in front of you.

One can believe and still be honest. It isn't easy but it can be done. Our beliefs are formed from childhood, experience and environment. Some we carry to the grave, others move and shift. I could tell you at least 5 things that I have changed my mind about in the last couple of years. I could also say that being able to reverse a belief is part of being fluid which is Something I practice purposefully, every day. I believe in it, that feriously. With the same fierceness, I can also say that some of life's beliefs have roots that need to grow and some that need to be dug out. Trying to figure out which is which, is a life long Journey.

If you are or have ever been in a life and death situation, you know what it is like. This is where the Rubber meets the Road. Sink or swim, what you believe is where you live. Every choice is based on that belief. Every decision comes from that core belief. Good luck...

tethering...

tethering - connecting one to another.

Found myself heartsick this morning, reading an email from one who needed a big hug. I can't get to her, she can't get to me. We share the Love of God, we both know He is here, no matter what but Sometimes, we all need to see/feel, Jesus with skin.

When someone feel helpless, when their faith has been crushed,and their hearts bruised, those of us who stand with them have the ability to stand in the gap. I immediately tethered her to me and I reached out, praising God for His Love. I have been where she is at and don't wish it upon my greatest enemy.

Fatih most certainly, waves and faints. The winds and sometimes, the tornadoes of life bend us until we think we can take no more. We are beaten down, branches on the ground. The scene is horrific. What we can't see is the roots. The roots, below the ground whose job it is to dig deep, to provide solid strength for when the winds come.

Invisible to the naked eye, we forget about the roots, who thrive in darkness and work around the clock, to steady the tree. When the winds come, and they always do, to each of us, we battle and it seems we are fighting a losing battle.


Hang on, your roots run deep
Hang on, it is not over.
Hang on, I know things don't look very good right now, but don't worry because I'm going to be alright...